Rossdhu and Loch Lomond; A Mother's Legacy

GROW IN GEACE, AND IN THE KNOWLEDGE OF OUK LOKD AND SAVIOUR JESUS CHRIST. 2 PETER III. IS.

Lady, that in the prime of earliest youth

Wisely hast shunn’d the broad way and the green,

And with those few are eminently seen,

That labour up the hill of heavenly truth,

The better part, with Mary and with Ruth,

Chosen thou hast.

Thy care is fix’d, and zealously attends

To fill thy odorous lamp with deeds of light.

And hope that reaps not shame.

milton’s sonnets.

Has the reader ever spent a bright day on Loch Lomond? Has he gone at leisure, and carried to it a spirit free from guilt and foreboding? Rising healthily and praying earnestly, has he opened his soul and consented beforehand to let in all the wonder and delight with which the great Creator may be pleased to fill it? And, in his own hired boat, dropping from isle to isle, has he taken leisure to gaze and meditate and dissolve into the scene? And was there ever day like that? Not that you can describe the sights unutterable; though you carry within yourself placid visions and sunny images of which you know that the origin was there: a silvery fulness, and standing forth from it, mossy rocks and clumps of verdure; a giant mountain on a throne of empyrean, with a foot-stool of lazulite; vistas through the hot and flickering air, such as the fire-tinted pencil of Turner only can depict; pure summits and a polished flood, which made you think of the hills of

immortality, and the snowy robes which sweep the sea of glass: whilst, like the music which breaks a dream and then makes it beatific, through all the trance there went and came the sense of a pervading Presence, — the nearness of that Eternal Wisdom which built the mountain and up to its green edging brimmed the flood. But though no words can restore the landscape, you remember how it refined your perception and ennobled all your faculties: the fallow-deer on Inchlonaig and Inchmm-rain grew tall as the elk, and you were sure that the hawk was an eagle. The Persicaria in the bays, with its rosy spikes, and the toad-flax on the beach, were new and gorgeous flowers; and Bible texts and stanzas of favourite hymns thrilled you with excessive emotion. You had put off the commonplace, and were clothed upon with fine and pellucid senses; and there was no longer aught tame or vulgar in the world, for you yourself were nobler.

With a keen eye for its varied beauties, the subject of our biography now found her home in one of the loveliest regions of all these lovely shores. Surrounded by its stately trees, and sheltered from the blast by the ferny slopes of a Higliland mountain, Rossdhu looks out upon Loch Lomond, where its waters are widest and its isles and margins fairest.* And, though encompassed by soft lawns and blossoming parterres, it is near enough to

* A small volume lias been compiled, describing the sensations of different travellers in visiting Niagara. A similar volume might be devoted to Loch Lomond. Such experiences are interesting. Be it the perfection of grandeur or the perfection of beauty, the tendency of noble scenery is to concentrate the soul, and nothing can be more revealing of the real character than the genuine utterance of such intensified moments. And, after the lake in all its loveliness had subsided into her calm and daily consciousness, few things vrere more delightful to Lady Colquhoun than to witness the rapture of a fervent novice. Near the mansion of Rossdhu is the Island of Inchtavanach, from whose elevated crest, tradition says, a great bell used to summon to their several churches the people of four parishes. Of course, this belfry-knoll commands a splendid view; but, owing to his lameness, it was with some difficulty that they dragged Legh Richmond to the summit. Once there, however, they could not drag him down; but, slowly revolving his radiant visage, and through his great round-eyed spectacles devouring the landscape, he always hushed his fldgetty companions with the sentence, — “The eye is not satisfied with seeing.” But a shorter glance sufficed his friend and cotemporary, Mr. Simeon, of Cambridge. With his usual vivacity he pirouetted round to look at every object as they pointed it out; then, turning to his hospitable guide, he exclaimed, “Sir James, you turn to this side and you say, ‘That is mine;’ and you turn to the other side and say, ‘That is mine;’ but,” lifting both his hands, “I look up and say, Heaven is mine!” On the same spot Dr. Chalmers exclaimed, “I wonder if there will be a Loch Lomond in heaven!” And there Dr. Malan knelt down, and poured forth the fulness of his heart in such a the mornitains to be constantly visited by breezes from the broom and the heather. Some of the windows look out on a ruined gable of that castle from which the fierce Sir Humphrey used to sally with his followers when he went to fight the Clan Gregor; and near that castle, overshaded by ancient yews, is the roofless chapel, where the fierce Sir Humphrey was laid to sleep when all his fights were over. With its pictures and its library and its spacious halls, with three parishes for its manor and the queen of Scottish lakes for its outlook, and with all the self-contained luxury which marks the countryseat of a wealthy Baronet, at the period of life most susceptible of enjoyment, the younger Miss Sinclair found herself the lady of Rossdhu.* But the grace of God had full possession of her mind, and, amidst all the blandishments of smooth-going existence. He Himself was her chiefest joy, and His Word her

prayer as many have heard beside his own Lake of Geneva. Perhaps, however, the mood of mind niost congenial to her own was that expressed by one whom she never personally knew. In the diary just published of the devoted missionary, John Macdonald, he writes, — “I took an opportunity of visiting Loch Lomond, and was exceedingly delighted. O how sweet and tranquil was the bosom of the lake! I thought of the ’ peace of God that passeth understanding.’”

* Her father-in-law died, and she became Lady Colquhoun, in 1805.

i»T, ,4

,’rn-r chosen guide. Amidst all the charms of the landscape and all the fascinations of refined society, she never neglected a household duty. “The lines have fallen to me in pleasant places,” was her devout acknowledgment regarding her earthly lot; and, though embowered in scenes so fair that they almost justified the relaxation to which they perpetually tempted, she never ceased to hear a voice, authoritative and earnest, sajdng, “Occupy till I come.”

Of retiring habits, and fain to dwell among his own people. Sir James Colquhoun was much beloved by his dependants. Personally cognizant of their character and circumstances, there survived betwixt himself, his farmers, and cotters, the best rehc of feudalism, — its mutual affection. He took the principal management of his own estates, and never turned adrift on the world the orphan or the widow.* It was his greatest happiness to have a vsdfe like Lady Colquhoun. At &st, proud of her looks and her elegant

* In early life Sir James had served in the army. Having raised a company in his own neighbourhood, according to the regulation at that period, he was appointed to the command of it, and thus joined his Regiment with the rank of Captain. He was afterwards elected Member of Parliament for the county of Dumbarton. On the death of his father he retired from the army, and chiefly resided on his estate, devoting himself to its improvement. manners, he learned to value her gentle wisdom and unworldly goodness, till at last harmony of affection merged in harmony of faith. She saw his prejudices against evangelical religion. She scarcely hoped to remove them by conversation; but she prayed for “oil in her lamp,” and sought to make her own light shine. Her prayers were answered; her consistency was rewarded. Her husband became gradually and more and more intelligently attached to the same principles. In appointing pastors to the eight parishes of which he was patron, it was his first anxiety to find ministers of fervent piety. And when, by and by, he was chosen an elder of the Church, and had a voice in its supreme Assembly, his vote was ahvays given for those measures which conferred privileges on Christian congregations, and which promised most effectually to extend the Gospel.

Luss can boast of more than one celebrated divine. It was here that Maclaurin commenced his eminent ministry, and here that he would have been content to spend his fife in preaching those sermons so fuH of holy eloquence and magnificent theology. And it was here that John Colquhoun was born. In his boyhood he herded sheep on the Mulea Hill, and till thirty years of age plied the shuttle of a hand-loom weaver, when he got his heart’s desire, — went to

College, and became one of the most useful preachers and solid authors of the Scottish Church. But, for many years after Lady Colquhoun came to Rossdhu, the parish minister was Dr. John Stuart. Although not eminent as a preacher, he was famed for his scholarship and his scientific attainments. To his knowledge of the original Scriptures, and to the idiomatic purity of his Gaelic, the Highlanders are mainly indebted for the perfection which their version of the Bible has attained. And at a time when few cared for natural history, he was pursuing it with enthusiasm among the mountains of Breadalbane; and with such success, that when Pennant, Lightfoot, and Sir Joseph Banks came to explore the Scottish Pauna and Flora, ‘it was from Mr. Stuart they derived their most important information. The “Manse Garden,” at Luss, contained many exotic rarities, and, still more interesting to the botanist, many of the scarcest plants of Scotland; and in that garden it was a great delight to Lady Colquhoun to walk, and view those treasures with which no hand might tamper save the Doctor’s own. In these visits she was soon much prepossessed in favour of the minister’s eldest daughter. Along with her father’s warmth and generosity, Miss Stuart inherited much of his talent and his turn for botany. She was often the companion of his rambles through the glens and up the mountains, and, having on these occasions shared all the delight of his discoveries, she could guide the curious traveller to the spot vfhere the Lysimachiathyrsijlora or the Osmunda regalis flourished, and knevi where on Ben Lomond might be gathered the finest specimens of the Sihbaldia procumhens and the purple Saxifrage. But, in that amiable and ardent mind, Lady Colquhoun quickly recognised an affinity more precious still. Miss Stuart’s thoughts were deeply occupied with those great truths in which she herself had found all her salvation and all her desire; and, until Miss Stuart’s marriage to an eminent minister, when they met they took every opportunity to commune together on the things which pertained to their everlasting peace. In one of these walks round the garden at the manse Lady Colquhoun stopped to admire a beautiful dwarf-shrub (the B,liododendronferruffineum). Next morning, on entering the breakfast-room, she found a tiny slip of the plant in a miniature flower-pot; it grew, and soon needed a larger receptacle, and ere long was transferred to a choice plat of the flower-garden; and, on her return from any temporary absence, one of the first spots which Lady Colquhoun was sure to visit was this border, that she might see “dear Betsy Stuart’s plant.”

The place no longer knows either, but the memorial of their hallowed affection, the little shrub, with its clusters of rich crimson, still flourishes.

However, during the first years of her married life. Lady Colquhoun had much reason to lament the want of Christian society. Her spirit craved for it. AH her desire was towards the excellent of the earth, and when, with letters of introduction, pious strangers took their place at her table, or turned aside to tarry for a night, she had towards them a venerating feeling, as if they were angels of God. But usually it was in vain that she longed to have spiritual conversation with them. They assumed that she was like most gentlewomen of that day, — more amiable and interesting than many, but as destitute of real religion as the rest. And then, when they had passed on their way, and when it would have been equally just to have charged the lost opportunity to their excessive prudence or erroneous politeness, her sensitive spirit took home all the blame, and she upbraided herself for her sinful timidity. On the other hand, in the visiting circle of her own neighbourhood there were at that time few, at least few known to her, in whose intercourse she could find spiritual invigoration or intellectual enjoyment. Amongst the landed aristocracy of Scotland there were then less mental

expansion and less religious enlightenment than in the middhng class of towns-people, and much less than amongst their own modern representatives. Political rancour was extremely virulent. The prejudice against evangelical Christianity was nearly universal. And if the gentlemen did not drink so freely nor swear so coarsely as a bygone generation, they did not read their Bibles more, nor keep the Sabbath better. Card-parties, elaborate carriage airings, and the news of the neighbourhood, were the recreations of their wives and daughters; but few took pains to cultivate their minds, and still fewer were engaged in works of usefulness; so that in the general absence of literary tastes and refined enjoyments, the houses of our Scotch grandees repeated with awful uniformity the same scenes of pompous inanity and stolid merry-making. And, although there were exceptions, all the more prized for their rarity, it was rather by an effort of benevolence than in obedience to her natural inclinations that the young lady of the manor paid visits which added nothing to her mental resources, and often left repentant misgivings in her devout and conscientious mind.

This comparative isolation was not without its benefits. It gave a more personal character to her piety. Instead of deriving all her impressions and impulses from ardent or endearing friends, her religion increasingly became communion with the Saviour. And it left her more leisure for that employment into which she had thrown all her soul, — the instruction and training of her children. And, whilst it prepared her for hailing with pecviliar deUght the congenial intercourse at length so abundantly vouchsafed to her, it drew her in the meanwhile vnth especial tenderness towards such humble disciples as the parish then contained, — those “poor” whom the Lord had promised that she should “have always.”

Judging by the hand-writing, it was soon after her arrival at Rossdhu that the following “Helps to SeK-Examination” were written out: —

“HELPS TO SELF-EXAMINATION.

“1. Did I awake as with God this morning?

“2. How were the secret devotions of the morning performed?

“3. Did I offer my praises of thanksgiving, and renew the dedication of myself to God with becoming attention and affections?

“4. How did I read the Scripture or any other useful book? Did they do my heart good?

“5. How have the mid-day devotions been attended to?

“6. Have I pursued my common business with diligence as unto the Lord?

“7. What time have I lost this day, and for what cause?

“8. Have I seen the hand of God even in little mercies and afflictions?

“9. Have I received my comforts with thankfulness and my afflictions with resignation?

“10. How have I guarded against passion and vanity?

“11. Have I lived by the faith of the Son of God?

“12. Have I governed my thoughts well, especially in sohtude?

“13. What subject of thought was chosen this day, and how was it regarded?

“14. Has my heart this day been full of love to God and to all mankind?

“15. How have I profited this day by the negligences I observed in last night’s examination?

“16. How did I pray last night?”

In the hope that it might prove a stimulus to increased activity, and a help in the great business of self-culture, in 1805 she began to keep a Diary. Its precious volumes have been intrusted to the perusal of the Editor, and have left on his mind a very sacred impression regarding the sainted writer. And although extracts will probably fail to transfer that impression in its fulness to the mind of the reader, they may give him some idea of the tender lowlihood, the faithful seK-observation, the ingenuous truthfulness, the simple dependance, and the devout aspirations, which resulted in a character at last so complete and blameless. As illustrative of her calm and constant nature it may be right to notice how perseveringly this private narrative was kept up. Perhaps the reader has himself tried to keep a journal. In a zealous moment he has commenced a daily register of employments, or the story of a tour, or a record of his experiences; but he soon wearied of its methodical routine, and the written leaves have long since been cut away to. render the book available for some new project. But Lady Colquhoun was eminently stedfast. Her undertakings were never prompted by romantic fancies, but by sober judgment; and, therefore, the longer she persisted in them the more she liked them. And the successive volumes of this journal, extending over forty years, and sustained with scarcely an interruption, are only a symbol of that continuous industry with which she prosecuted every enterprise, and that loving faithfulness with which she clung to all her friends.

During the first period this Diary is usually brief;

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but a few specimens may throw some light on the writer’s position and employments: —

“Tuesday, Oct. 15, 1805. — Awoke m an unhappy frame, but was enabled to pray with fervour. Prayed for an unlikely thing, which I hoped might be helpful to my spiritual interests. To my astonishment my prayer was heard. Called at Cameron. Mr. Slight came to dinner. Much benefited by his prayer.”

Mr. Slight was then, and for a few years longer, the Minister of BonhUl. He was a man of cultivated mind and fervent piety. He sometimes, but not often, spent a day at Rossdhu, and “the unlikely thing” for which Lady Colquhoun had prayed on the above occasion was, that he might be sent to their house that day. In going to Cameron she met Mr. Shght, who stopped his horse, and said that he was on his way to Rossdhu, and, if convenient to her, he would still proceed. The Journal resumes: —

“Wednesday, 16. — Arose with God. Mr. Slight left us. The joy of God’s salvation restored. I would do anything for a continuance and increase of it. Retired twice to read and pray for some time during the forenoon.

“Saturday, Bee. 28. — Resolved to read no more novels, having been enticed to read one which too much occupied my time. Retired, and read and prayed with much love and trust in my Lord. This week and last I have seen how unable I am to resist temptation. Oh! that Christ would strengthen me!

“Saturday, July 21, 1810. — Prayed earnestly to be kept from worldly-mindedness this day, being to dine at. Escaped pretty well at the dinner-party; but I fear transgressed in the evening at the theatre, where I went vdthout vdshing it.”

As, in the sequel of this Journal, there will be no allusion to the theatre, it may be right to mention, that, up to this period, and in deference to the wishes of others, Lady Colquhoim occasionally went to it; but she had long ceased to feel happy there. With successive visits her repugnance strengthened, and soon after the above was vmtten she saw so clearly the sinfulness of patronising such places, that she made a decided stand, and never entered a playhouse again.

“Sunday, Aug. 12. — Do not remember for a long time being so little disposed for the services of the day. Prayed in the morning seriously, but with little life. Unfortunately no service at Luss.* Read a

* The communion was then dispensed in most rural parishes only once a-year; and, as the pastors and flocks of adjacent parishes used to adjourn to the scene of its celebration, each pulpit was apt to be vacant several times in the course of the

sermon aloud, but felt little interested. Heard the children, and by reading Doddridge’s ‘Rise and Progress’ tried to find out what I should do when this deadness is upon me. Read over this book and felt a little enUvened by finding some of my own experience in it. In temptation, without Christ I cannot conquer; but through him I may surely do all things. Let me struggle on in the way of duty; He cannot forsake his own servants. Lord, Lord, help! — After vmting the above, retired to pray to my Lord. Entreated with great fervour to be supported in the ways of God, in the midst of innumerable evils. In prayer my faith and love revived. How gracious is my Lord!

“Thursday, 23. — Delighted with some pleasing accounts of George.

“Friday, Oct. 12. — Sir J. and Lady M’Gregor Murray here. Read and prayed early.

“Saturday, Oct. 13. — This whole day so engaged as to find it impossible to read the Bible. Prayed in the forenoon, and felt affected while walking in the island among the tombs.*

“Sunday, Nov. 25. — Read, with delight, ‘Theron and Aspasio,’ on the freeness with which Christ is offered. Retired and prayed, with tears, for acceptance and pardon.

* Inct Cailliacli is tte burying-ground of the M’Gregors.

“Sunday, April 14, 1811. — Have been three months in Edinburgh, from which I retmned about a week ago; and, though constant occupations of one sort or other have prevented my vmting, I now set my hand to it that God is true and merciful to those who trust in Him. I left this place fearful that the dissipations of an Edinburgh winter would draw my thoughts from my only real good; but, merciful Lord, thou hast made me more than conqueror! My prayer was, that thou wouldest shine as a Light around me in temptation, and surely thou hast heard me. The means of grace were powerful, and, by the Holy Spirit working in them, far outdid any contrary influence. The Sabbaths I was able regularly and deUghtfuUy to keep, and I had an opportunity of sitting down at the table of the Lord when Dr. Buchanan preached, — a time which I hope was not lost to me. Now I return here to the want of those lively means; but, Lord, thou art here also. Hold thou me up, and I shall be safe; and so shall I keep thy statutes continually.

“Wednesday, April 17. — Prayed fervently in the morning. Resisted a temptation to anger. This day I am thirty years old. Let me now bid a cheerful adieu to my youth. My young days are now surely over, and why should I regret them? Were I never to grow old I might be always here, and might never bid farewell to sin and sorrow. Lord, teach thy servant to rejoice in the hope of thy glory.

“Saturday, July 13. — Sir W. W. W. and Mr. and Mrs. S. and Mr. C. came. Prayed that my affairs might be ordered for me, and that the duties of to-morrow might not be interrupted.

“Sunday, 14. — ^AU our visitors went away before breakfast, except Mr. C, who is almost no interruption to my devotions. Prayed in the morning with much thankfulness. God is my Helper in every time of need.

“Friday, 26. — Read with pleasure, and saw my adoption from the character of the children of God. How great is my privilege! I would not resign it for worlds.

“Sunday, 28. — Meditated with pleasure on the Divine disposal of all my concerns.

“Saturday, Aug. 3. — Mr. Campbell and Wilhelmina* here. Happy to find dear W. still pious as I remember her. Meditated vdth pleasure on the goodness of God to her and to me, and to all his people. Oh! how does He heal our backshdings and forgive us freely!

* Sister of Sir James Colquhoun, and wife of John Campbell, Esq., of Stonefield.

“Monday, 5. — Had a long conversation with Wilhelmina at night on religious subjects.

“Sunday, 18. — Heard the children. — made me happy by saying she often forbore doing what she thought displeasing to God, and that she prayed for His Spirit every day. Prayed for them all with much earnestness, and with thankfulness for every serious impression.

“Tuesday, Sept. 3. — The light of God’s countenance restored. Convinced that I would be heard by my gracious Lord, from considering that, when on earth, He never rejected any one who applied to Him for either temporal or spiritual blessings.

“Friday, Nov. 1. — Forgave an injury, in order to follow Christ.

“Saturday, July 25, 1812. — Read on the religious education of children; which led me, with my whole soul, to pray for God’s blessing on my endeavours to bring up mine in the ways of piety. He knows my almost only wish for them is directed to this end.

“Thursday, Sept. 24. — Mr. Millar and his friend, Mr. Gorham, here. Peel refreshed by the sight of these dear disciples of my Lord, though I had no opportimity of conversing vidth them on religious subjects.

“Friday, 25. — When it is so pleasant to meet with Christ’s people here, think, O my soul, how dehghtful win be the society of heaven! Peel a desire to depart, but am grieved that I love my Lord no better. I long for more acquaintance with Him. However, I feel assured that I am his, and trust to his promise, that I shall one day be as I would. Did not resent an injury.

“Sunday, Feb. 7, 1813. — During the past week have got by degrees into a more comfortable frame, not from being sensible of any amendment in myself, but from trust in my Saviour, and from being sensible that I must rest in Him, sinful as I am. Peel very comfortable, and full of faith in the atonement of Christ. Resolved to endeavour never to think of myself any more, but to look on my salvation as finished, whatever my frame may be.

“Aprils* — In these duties not very lively, but have an abiding persuasion of acceptance through the righteousness and atonement of my aU-righteous Saviour. Refreshed with the text, ‘Whosoever receiveth whom I send receiveth me, and he that receiveth me receiveth Him that sent me.’ Surely I joyfully receive and attend

* After this period Lady Colquhoun usually wrote in her Journal only once a-week, viz., on each. Sabbath. Unless, therefore, the day of the week be mentioned, the reader will understand that it was the Lord’s-day.

to the people of God. In the evening had a conversation with Sir James on religious subjects, vihich greatly pleased me. Oh! how are my prayers continually answered!

“25. — Walked alone. My meditation sweet. Among other things reflected with pleasure that, as every creature is placed in a situation most adapted to his wants, so surely that noblest work of God, the new creature, must and shall be one day placed where it shall grow and flourish. Oh! that I were thus transplanted; for this world is indeed a barren sod.

“Aug. 15. — Went to church at BonhiU, there being no sermon at Luss. One part of Mr. Gregor’s discourse struck me. Speaking of our justification, he said, ‘that the people of God, or believers in Christ, are really as much in a state of acceptance as their Lord Himself: He being their Surety, all their debt is paid, and there is nothing to object against them.’

“Sept. 19. — For some months have been led continually to meditate on death, and anxiously to wish that I could look with outstretched neck to the time of my dismission. My fears of it begin to abate. I feel heartily willing to leave the world, which, except for my friends in it, has no attraction to me. What principally staggers me is, that I do not sufficiently love my Lord, and long to be with Him.

“Edinburgh, Feb. 13, 1814. — Got a tooth extracted yesterday; and one thing which influenced me was the desire to attend the house of my God to-day. The gum was still painful when exposed to air; however, I resolved to go and hear Dr. Buchanan. Refreshed by the sermon, though sometimes in much pain. One remark comforted me, — that love to our Christian brethren is a sure sign of being Christ’s disciples; as mentioned more than once in the Bible. I do, indeed, with my whole heart, love them.

“Rossdhu, April 10. — We all returned safe home last week, accompanied by Hannah, and Mr. Proudfoot,* who conducted fanuly worship, which I wished to establish, and we are to have it every Sabbath evening. I hope it may turn out for the good of us all.

“June 26. — No sermon at Luss. Heard Sir James read one. Went out and meditated on the love of Christ, and his frequent exhortations to faith. Oh! that I could not doubt, and then I might say to this mountain of sin, — ‘Be thou removed, and it should be done,’ and nothing should be impossible to me. * Then tutor of her sons, afterwards Minister of Arrochar.

Well, I trust my Lord has undertaken to cure my hard heart.

“July 24. — Impressed with the shortness of my abode in this world, which is to me a reviving, as well as avdul idea. Indeed, I would not live here always.

“Sept. 4. — In the past week Hannah left me, and I parted with her and with my father and Lady Sinclair with more regret, as they are shortly going to England to reside and I can see comparatively little of them. But shall I not trust to my Lord that all is right and well? I know that this dispensation is for good for me and us all, and I would not alter it.

“Edinburgh, Jan. 15, 1815. — At St. George’s in the morning, and heard Mr. Thomson. At the Canongate in the afternoon, and heard Dr. Buchanan, Ps. cxvi. 16. He concluded with a few advices to those who were determined to serve the Lord: — ’ 1. Beware of seK-confidence. 2. Beware of sloth. 3. Beware of worldly-mindedness. 4. Mix not too much with the world. 5. Be constant and fervent in prayer. 6. Be sure you trust in the mediation of Christ, and in him only.’ Oh! what means of grace do I here enjoy, for which in some periods of my life I would have given anything. As yet little temptation has befallen me throughout the week. Have found benefit by realizing the presence of Christ when in the world. Were He, indeed, visibly there, how little should I care for others!

“Feb. 5. — At Mr. Grey’s chapel in the afternoon. He preached on the forgiveness of injuries. By the help of grace, resolved to practise this difficult duty in its fullest extent. I trust I am not utterly a stranger to it.

“12. — In the past week put in practice, as far as possible, my intentions as to forgiveness. Think Mr. Grey’s sermon was designed for my good, as I had much to try me in many little things, which are sometimes as difficult to overlook as greater matters..

“March 26. — After dinner we made an attempt to hear Mr. Chalmers, but the crowd was so great we could not. Felt disappointed, particularly as it is my last opportunity here; but was soon reconciled. I have more need to go home and meditate and pray. Did so, and my heart, from being dead, became alive to God.

“Bossdhu, April 23. — Have of late been distressed with the weakness of my faith, which cannot take Christ at his word when He says that He wiQ receive all who come to Him. I can reason very well, that He could do no more to shew his willingness, and that we must buy without money and without price; and yet I cannot feel satisfied, because I do not love my Lord sufficiently. What is this, however, but resting on my own performances? And did I love Him as his dearest saint, it would only be the work of his own Spirit, and He can work it even in me. If not, I win endeavour to rest on his naked word, that I am accepted in Him. This night my faith firmer.

“July 25, Tuesday. — This day met with a trial of its kind. Mrs. Millar had given Mr. Simeon, of Cambridge, a letter of introduction to me. I should have been delighted to see him, ia hopes of getting some refreshment from his conversation and prayers; but, from some accident, he went away before I knew of it: and, although I sent to Luss, I found he was gone. Of course, this was ordered by my Heavenly Pather; but I have found it hard to be resigned. Lord, I hope I covild be more easily reconciled to temporal losses; but perhaps not. Oh! if I may not receive help from men, be thyself my Ught and my salvation!

“27, Thursday. — The Lord has heard my prayer. This day Mr. Proudfoot lent me ‘Edwards on the Rehgious Affections.’ On reading it I felt a stronger impression of the reality of Divine things, and of the infinite holiness and beauty of God and my Redeemer, than I recollect for very long. I now feel more certain of being his; have more love to Him; and (what makes me hope it is indeed his Spirit’s influence) am more humble. Lord, I bless thee for this refreshment. Thou hast seen fit to do thy own work without any intercourse with creatures, and now I am resigned. Mrs. MiUar, in her last letter, mentions her meeting with Mr. Simeon, who took leave of her in these words, — ‘God bless you. Commit yourself to Him. Keep Him in your heart. Remember there is no happiness without Hun, either here or in heaven!

“Uarnock House, Aug. 10. — Have been here for some days, and have left Hannah at Polkemmet. Arose early this morning to read and pray. At church in the forenoon at Hamilton, and in the afternoon at Blantyre, when Dr. Hodson gave us an excellent sermon on prayer, and the certainty of its prevalence if ofiered for things agreeable to the will of God. How often have I experienced this; and do I not now experience it? having prayed for the presence of God, and that I might hear his Word faithfully preached? I have met with the people of God in my journey, and Mr. Millar has given me many religious books to read.

“Rossdhu, Oct. 8. — Prayed but coldly in private, but with fervour in the family. What a refreshment is family prayer, when my heart is dull, but longing for grace!

“EdinhurgJi, Feb. 11, 1816. — Not at church in the morning, having ear-ache. Have reason to be thankful for this complaint, — it has kept me from two parties; and the day before I took it I had heard of the great attainments of poor BeU (formerly my housemaid), who, amidst great bodily distress, has become eminently pious. I felt envious, and ahnost prayed that I might be made such by any means; but God soon taught me gratitude for the good health I enjoy. Pain is hard to be borne.

“March n. — Another striking event among our connexions happened last week, in the sudden death of Lord Polkenunet. He had been long complaining, but was much in his usual way, when he dropped down and expired. Have been much with Mrs. BaiUie, and have tried to comfort her and raise her mind to God. I also saw the corpse — the first I ever saw. I felt no terror; but to me the sight was rather consolatory. I thought — Is this all death can do if we are Christ’s? then, I will not fear it.

“March B. — And now I am come to my last Sabbath in Edinburgh, and this day took leave of the dear pew in the Canongate Church, where my first religious impressions were awakened; for this spring

the church is to be fitted up anew, and the seats altered. As I left it, could not help feeling — Thanks, thanks, O my God, that I ever sat there! Praised be my gracious Lord that I ever heard Dr. Buchanan and sat under his ministry! Glory be to God, Father, Son, and Holy Spirit, that it was effectual to lead me to Him! Now I leave the means I so much love; nevertheless, I am continually with Thee. Thou wilt hold me by my right hand.

“Bossdhu, April 14. — Read Dr. Colquhoun on ‘Spiritual Comfort.’ Think I enjoy what he describes as the lowest degree of it, — a hope in the mercy of God through Christ, and a trust that everything shall be ordered for the best for me. How often have I vidshed for more! How have I longed for joy unspeakable and full of glory! But it is all right and well ordered. My easy, comfortable life does not require those supports which are afforded in pain and suffering; and my weak heart would perhaps grow vain if I were not often reminded that I am nothing and can do nothing.

“April 28. — Sir James and his brother were ordained elders. How truly did I join in the prayers which were offered up for them! Last week I was

much distressed with the fear that my sweet had

formed an improper acquaintance, and had got much hire OF LADY COLQUHOUN. 51

attached to her. After fervent prayer, spoke to her, with tears, on the subject, and she gave me every satisfaction I could wish, seeming willing to do what I pleased. Oh, my God! protect my children! Make them Thtae, early Thine, for ever Thine! I ask nothing for them but in subservience to this. My whole drift in their education has been towards this end; but. Lord, thou only canst give the increase.

“June 23. — Was afraid of Lord and Lady

being here either to-day or next Sunday; but my God has heard my prayers, and they are to come on Wednesday. This week have the prospect of being four days following in the world: have prayed for support. I feel the influence of worldly company less hurtful than I once did, and can lift up my heart to God in the midst of it much more frequently.

“July 18, Thursday. — My dear Hannah arrived here on Tuesday. I have reason for thankfulness that her life is still spared. Oh that she may enjoy when here, and while life lasts, the fulness of the blessing of the Gospel of Christ! This is the fast-day preparatory to the Sacrament. This communion, I have little prospect from means, as even Mr. Gregor is not to be here. But I must endeavour to look from the dispensers to the ordinance.

“19, Friday {before the Communion). — Let me examine my evidences of faith in Christ. In the first place, I have no rehance on anything I have done, or can do, for acceptance vrith God. Secondly, I do trust in Christ alone for salvation; and, were I to die this moment, I should have no other plea before the throne but his life and his death. Thirdly, I have given myself up to Him, and am endeavouring to do his will and live to his glory; but ’ faith works by love,’ and here the weakness of mine is very, very perceptible. O my Lord, how little do I love thee! Yet, methinks, I must love thee, when I can be satisfied vdth nothing vnthout thee, and when I almost think I could be satisfied with thee and with nothing else; when I love thy image wherever I find it; and when I desire communion with thee more than anything else. ‘Paith purifies the heart.’ Whatever defilement there may be, and undoubtedly is in mine, yet its desires are after purity; and surely I should not do justice to the work of the blessed Spirit, did I not think that it is more pure than once it was, or than it would have been without this gracious infiuence. ‘Paith overcomes the world.’ Here I can be more decided. The world? it is nothing to me; its pomps, its pleasures, its vanities, — all nothing, nothing. Its cares are far less than they once were. Its sorrows I know not how I may feel, but I trust for Almighty support. Faith has overcome the world.

“Sept. 29. — My dear Hannah leaves me to-morrow. God only knows if we shall meet again; however, she (as well as I) belongs to Him, and it vnU be ordered for the best for us both.

“Nov. 24. — Read ‘Life of Mrs. NeweU.’ For some time past I have been in an uncommon state of mind, as I think, owing to one and another difficulty and trial. Feel in the strongest manner the importance of religion, and it is continually in my thoughts, and yet my affections seem dead. Read to the children both before and after dinner. Heard them, and prayed vrith them. Happy to hear them say that they had prayed alternately aloud in a room by themselves. Is not this some sign of good impressions?

“Feb. 2, 1817. — After dinner read to Sir James the ‘Life of General Burn,’ a most interesting book. I feel quite happy here in my beloved retreat, away from the gay and busy world.*

“May 4. — Reading ‘Doddridge’s Lectures on Divinity,’ dehghted to find some cases described as frequently occurring to Christians similar to my own

* This winter was spent at Eossdhu. Her sons and their tutor were in Edinburgh. experience. Tor instance, texts of Scripture occurring with power to the mind. Well do I recollect ’ the deceitfulness of riches’ occurring to me again and again, almost as if I had heard a voice, and when I could not recollect in what part of the Bible it occurs; and still the impression of it is fresh. Then, a strong persuasion of some particular request being granted, which removes from the spirit an overwhelming buiden. Yes, my God, I know this case by experience. Thou hast seen me for weeks oppressed and groaning under what seemed a wound incurable, but thy own sweet words, O Saviour! healed it, — ‘AH things whatsoever ye ask in prayer, believing, ye shall receive.’ Man, I knew, would tell me I must not take these words so literally; but I determined to credit God. I see no limitation, and I will make none; and never since have I doubted that I shall be heard. Some signs of it I aheady see. I seldom read this verse vdthout tears, and the chapter containing it (Matthew xxi.) is dear to me.

“May 8, Thursday. — Mr. Proudfoot was ordained Minister of Arrochar. And now, my God, who would not trust thee? ‘In the shadow of thy wings will I make my refuge, until all calamities be overpast. I win cry unto God Most High, unto God that performeth all things for me’ I went up to Arrochar and witnessed the ordination. Mr. Gregor conducted the service uncommonly well. His text was, ‘Necessity is laid upon me: yea, woe is unto me if I preach not the Gospel.’ The crowd was great, and he preached in the tent.

“June 8. — Read to Sir James, and prayed for a blessing. I never had more dehghtfol views of the Lord Jesus than last night, in reading the parable of the good Samaritan. What a beautiful one it is! I could have kissed his sweet, compassionate, heavenly words. Art thou. Lord, such a pure, glorious, gracious Being; and yet do I sometimes fear thee as my enemy? Thou knowest the reason. Nothing but thy Spirit can open mine eyes, and I will trust thee that it shall be given. The most dehghtful view I can form of heaven itself is, that I shall love and serve thee.

“July 17, Thursday. — This being the fast before our Sacrament, rose earlier and thought over my sins vdth penitence. How constantly do I sin in neglecting God, — that God who is giving me so much to be grateful for! How constantly do I sin in my best works! However praiseworthy in the sight of men, every action is defiled with this disgusting quahty. My most fervent prayers are tainted with this poison. My most self-denied labours for the good of others are sometimes rendered unworthy in the sight of God by pride. And how often am I far more gratified by thinking that a pious action will procure me the approbation of the dear disciples of my Lord, than of that Lord Himself! Oh! vanity, how dost thou defile my almost every thought! And have I not been envious? Am I clear of doing injury to the souls of my dearest friends, and of all around me, by neglect? These are a few of innumerable sins. ‘Woe is me! for I am of unclean lips, and dwell in the midst of a people of unclean Hps?’ but let a coal from thine altar touch them, and take my iniquity away.

“27. — Expected that Sir Gregory and Lady Way would have been here to-day. Once, a sight of these disciples would have been quite a refreshment to me; now, through the goodness of God, I have much more intercourse with his people. I suppose we shall see them to-morrow.

“Oct. 26. — Dined out yesterday. All seemed to make light of religion, or worse. I dared to put in one word for it, and am happy to think I gain a little more courage in this respect. Why, — oh! why have I been taken out and made separate? Why? but because God would be a Father to me, and would have me for a daughter even of the Lord Almighty I

Oil! that He may dwell in me, and walk in me, and be my God for ever and ever!”

Lady Colquhoun’s Journals have left upon our mind a delightful impression of sinceeity and PROGRESS. Whilst, on the one hand, there is no constructive effort to prove against herself infirmities and sins with which she was not chargeable; on the other hand, every significant circmnstance in her spiritual history, whether encouraging or adverse, is detailed with scrupulous accuracy. And, as the great end which she kept constantly in view was self-improvement, she was not content with confiding to these mnemonic pages her weekly portraiture, but against detected faults she resolved and prayed and watched until they were completely overcome. God gives grace to the humble, and when, in later life, she perused these minute and ingenuous records, she must have been cheered by a thankful consciousness of expanding views and maturing character.

And should any reader of this narrative have adopted a similar plan for his own improvement, may we suggest that its entire value will depend on similar faithfulness? Apart from the haunting idea that it may fall into other hands, a diary will prove a snare if its writer tries to feel other people’s feelings, and. failing that, uses language in advance of his own experience. Like those piratical molluscs which take up their abode in the rejected shells of their neighbours, the religious professor who only prays or journahzes in other men’s phrases will be sure to distort or dwarf his piety. And in the subject of this biography we see how much more growthful is a lowly commencement, if genuine, than the most brilliant beginnings, if made in borrowed exuviae.

Although we have forborne from transcribing those passages in which a mother pours forth her desu-es and prayers, in the foregoing pages the reader has obtained occasional glimpses of her parental affection and assiduity. During this period her main employment was the education of her two daughters. With the exception of some branches, for which, whilst in Edinburgh, she called in the aid of masters, she taught them everything herself; and in the illusion of her own dear society her pupils never felt a task in any lesson. On the Sabbath evening they were joined by their three brothers, and the time was spent in repeating the catechism and hymns and psalms, and in hearing their mother read some book adapted to their years. Amongst her papers were found two letters, the one addressed to her sons and the other to her daughters. They are not dated, but must have been written when her cMldren were very young, and when she had on her own mind the impression that she might soon be taken from them: —

“My dearest James, and John, and William,” I cannot leave you in this vain world without one parting advice, and without once more assuring you how dear you have ever been to me. Now that my body is consigned to the grave, and my soul has returned to God who gave it, to you, my dear children, it will not signify whether you ever knew a mother’s care or not, except in so far as you profit by her counsel. Let me, therefore, ask you, and let me beg that you would ask it of your own consciences, — Are you living to God? Are you trusting in Christ for salvation, and obeying his commands?

“To promote this my every thought with regard to you has been subservient. Were I assured of this, I should feel comparatively easy as to everything else. Oh! my children, this is the one thing needful.

“I feel a pleasing confidence that none of you are ignorant of the method by which sinners obtain reconcihation with God. I would, therefore, only urge yotir immediate acceptance of Christ as your Saviour; of God as your God. There is no impediment on God’s part. Blessed be His name, all His offers are free; be willing, then, and you are His for evermore.

“How many temptations you must pass through I tremble to think of; but I have an assurance, which I would not part with for worlds, that my prayers for you are heard, and will be answered, when I am sleeping in the dust. I feel a hope that you will be blessings to the circle in which you move, and that you win glorify God by your conduct through life. What higher honour can you aspire to!

“You, my dearest, will probably have many

opportunities of usefulness. If you live you will have much of this world’s good things to dispose of; value them, I beseech you, only as giving you more of the power to do good. Oh! let all you are and all you have be devoted to God. Encourage every useful undertaking, and give liberally to the poor, as you have received liberally from God. Do all in your power to place pious clergymen in any church in which you may have influence, for this is a most important method of doing good.

“Should any of my dear boys think of entering the sacred profession of the ministry, — Oh! consider the weight, the importance of the charge. Remember it is doubly incumbent upon you to be yourself what you exhort others to be. I charge you, my child, to preach Christ Jesus the Lord. Remember, if you do not use every means in your power to bring to the Saviour the souls of those committed to your charge, you are responsible for them.

“With one other advice I vpUI conclude. I exhort you, my dear children, if any of you should at any future time think of marriage, that you will not allow beauty, or any outward accomphshments, to be the only thing you look for. In the choice of a wife seek for one who fears and loves God, and I will venture to assure you of happiness with her.. Such a one in your own rank it may be more difficult to find; but among the families of the pious it is far from impossible. Pray to God, and he will direct your choice. I trust you will ever love and assist one another, and be dutiful and afiectionate to your dear father.

“And now, O my God, shower down thy grace in abundance on my children. Remember all my prayers for them; be to them what thou hast been to me; — I can ask no more. ‘Save them from the evil that is in the world.’ Grant, oh! grant that we may meet in glory, through the merits of thy well-beloved Son. Amen.

“I remain, your most attached Mother,

“Through life and in death,

“J. CoLQUHOUN.

“Keep this letter by you, and occasionally read it over; when you are older you may understand it better.”

The following are extracts from a similar letter addressed to her daughters: —

“My dearest Sarah and Helen,

“When this shall be put into your hands, I hope, my darhng children, you will be in some degree reconciled to the loss it has pleased God you should sustain in the death of your most affectionate mother. I am sensible that it is a great loss to be deprived of a parent whose anxious care it was to bring you up in the fear of the Lord; and nothing could reconcile me to the thought of parting with you, but that I commit you to Him who has been my God in life and in death.

“And now, my children, when deprived of an earthly parent, to whom should you go but to your Heavenly Father? Believe me, there is in Him enough to make up for every loss, and much more than enough to satisfy every desire. Fall down on your knees before Him. Entreat Him to receive you. Entreat Him to be to you what He has been to your mother. Entreat Him to guide and instruct and sanctify you. And entreat Him, through the merits and righteousness of Christ Jesus, which, if you ask, are yours.

“Read the Bible carefully, and with a desire to be instructed by it. And pray for a blessing on it. Read, also, other good books, many of which I leave behind me. Never neglect fervent prayer.

“My dearest Sarah, to you I leave my Diary, which you will find in my bureau, in the small place that locks inside of it. Let your brothers and sister see it; and I would recommend you all to keep one yourselves. I have found much benefit in doing so. By it you wfil judge what were my aims and desires. How far I fell short, God and myself only know. But you will also see, that I have trusted alone for acceptance in the ‘Lamb of God, who taketh away the sins of the world.’

“Dearest Sarah, take some charge of your sister. Endeavour to instruct her in those truths in which I have instructed you, and by which she was perhaps too young to get much benefit. Try all methods to win her to the love and practice of religion; and if they fail, try them again. Be a mother to her, and God will bless your weak attempts.

“In whatever relation or station you may be placed, try to act as God would have you. Be very cautious of your friendships. Shun, as the plague, those who have not the fear of God, whatever other attractive quahties they may possess. Meet with such you must; but do not, oh! do not make them your friends. Whatever it may appear to you now, the time, be assured, is not far distant when death shall snatch you from everything here. Surely, my dearest girls, all my care, all my prayers for you shall not be in vain. Oh! then, dread the world; dread its follies, its gaieties, its company. Oh! then, place your happiness in religion. Oh! then, keep the commandments of God. Oh! fly to Christ for redemption. Do the angels rejoice when one sinner repenteth? and shall not my joy be unbounded to see my children saved with an everlasting salvation?

“With one more request I will conclude. My dears, do not mourn for me, as those who have no hope. Look up. I am safe, I am happy, unspeakably happy. You may follow. All things are ready: Come to the wedding. Christ stretches forth his hand to save and support you; put forth yours and lean on the Beloved. ‘The Spirit and the bride say, Come. And let him that is athirst come. And whosoever wUl, let him take of the water of life freely.’

“Let your brothers, and, if you like, your father, see this letter; and get a reading of theirs. Keep it by you, and let Helen have a copy. Be ever dutiful to your only remaining parent, and endeavour to prevent his feeling my loss.

“PareweU, till we meet (oh! may I not hope?) never to part, where we shall be ever with the Lord, ever with one another. My God, my Jesus, let thine everlasting protection shield my children from all evil. Save them, and they shall be saved. Make them holy and heavenly. I have endeavoured to lead them to thee; receive them graciously, love them freely, and even in glory put a new song into my mouth, — praise for the wonders of redeeming love to those dear as a right hand.

“I die, as I have lived,

“Yovir most anxiously attached mother,

“J. COLQTJHOUN.”