The Disruption; The Free Church at Luss

FAVOR IS DECEITFUL, AND BEAUTY IS VAIN; BUT A WOMAN

THAT FEAEETH THE LOKD, SHE SHALL BE PRAISED.

PROVERBS XXXI. 30.

Christ leads me through no darker rooms

Than He went through before:
He that into God’s kingdom comes

Must enter by this door.

Come, Lord, when grace hath made me meet

Thy blessed face to see;
For if thy work on earth be sweet,

What will thy glory be?

My knowledge of that life is small.

The eye of faith is dim;
But ’tis enough that Christ knows all;

And I shall be with Him.

RICHARD BAXTER.

The year 1843 saw the Cliurcli of Scotland split in sunder. From no dislike to State-connexion, but in avoidance of secular control, two-fifths of the clergy and half the population withdrew from the old Estabhshment. Hot controversy and strong excitement preceded this event, as every one would expect, who knows the national temperament, and who, when her religion is concerned,. remembers how polemical the history of Scotland has ever been. But just as a glowing summer will occasionally ehcit some lovely plant, of which the soil has long contained the dormant germ, or as a volcanic outburst will condense into crystalline beauty the elements which have been hitherto crudely diffused through the strata, — so, those who are careful to collect the finest specimens of human excellence must look for them in periods when the public mind has been stimulated, or when the apathy of ages has been startled by some powerful revolution. Apart altogether from the rightness of their cause, it will be conceded that more munificence, self-sacrifice, and missionary enthusiasm were developed by the day of the Disruption than by a century of tame church-going and tranquil sermonizing; nor, until they learned it in the furnace of affliction, did ministers and people know how dear they were to one another, nor how intense was that relation which bound them to their common Lord and Lawgiver.

It so happened that in their capacity as members of the Indian Pemale Education Society, Lady Colquhoun and her friends were constrained to a miniature rehearsal of the Disruption, some time before the greater event transpired; and this first step, like the final one, she took with her accustomed conscientiousness, irrespective of fashion, and — which alone was painful — in some instances, irrespective of personal friendship. But her cahn and independent mind had fully considered the question; and, dear as the Scotch EstabHshment had ever been to her, it was only dear so long as in sacred things it owned itself amenable to none except its heavenly Head. In foUovring the cause of spiritual freedom, she believed that she was only following the Guiding Pillar; and though well aware that the ministers and elders whom she cMefly esteemed would follow it also, it was a joyful suq)rise to find such a mviltitude of the people prepared for the movement. By giving impulse and outlet to the piety of her remaining years, the Disruption is entitled to form a date in her biography, as well as in many a private history.*

The first notice of this memorable day occurs in her journal: —

“Bossdhu, May 28, 1843. — I have been here upwards of a week; but neither this Sabbath nor the last have I enjoyed pubHc ordiuances. As was expected, the Disruption of our Church took place [May 18] when between four and five himdred of our devoted pastors gave up all for Christ, and rather than belong to an Erastian Church, left their homes and benefices. May a blessing, a great blessing, rest on themselves and their labours in ‘The Free Presbyterian Church of Scotland,’ to which with them I now belong! Nothing is yet organized as to a stated

* The history of the whole event has just been published by Dr. Robert Buchanan, in his interesting narrative, “The Ten Years’ Conflict.” The case has also been stated with singular perspicuity and force by members of other Churches; e.g., by the Hon. and Rev. B. W. Noel; by Mr. Sydow, the King of Prussia’s Chaplain; and by Dr. Merle D’Aubigne, in his” Germany, England, and Scotland.’’ ministry, and I did not think it right to attend in the old Estabhshment. Both last Sunday and to-day I have been enabled to read to my servants, and though feeling the deprivation, have spent the day tolerably.

“June 11. — Mr. SomerviHe came to Luss, and dehghtfuHy and very freely preached Christ, on Monday, at Arnburn, and on Tuesday in the village, in the open air, close to the church. Both times there vlras a good attendance, and many of the people seemed affected and struck. I myself felt much strengthened and invigorated.”

Por many years Lady Colquhoun had been praying for the parish of Luss, and her Journals show how confident she was that God would arise and have mercy upon that neighbourhood. In her own modest but useful labours, her prayer was partly answered; and in the plantation of the Free Church, she was spared to see it answered yet more fully. A congregation was organized; the Rev. Neil Stewart was ordained its minister; and on sites granted by her son, there now ’ stand most beautiful ’ the manse of the minister and the Church of the people. To some of these occurrences she thus alludes: —

“Stutton, Sept. 10, 1843. — Have lately found prayer answered in several particulars, which might be termed trifling, yet which cost me anxiety. Read this morning what I wrote here on prayer for Luss and its neighbom-hood, Oct. 11, 1840; and may I not hope that these prayers are now answering?

“Bossdhu, Nov. 19. — Had the great joy to hear Christ fully and freely preached by our new young minister, at the Arnbum, where the Eree Church congregation meet. How many times have I prayed for a living, hfe-giving ministry at Luss! What a difference it makes to me in living here!

“June 30, 1844. — Again at the Arnbum, and heard Mr. Stewart with great pleasure. There seemed an impression among the people. Oh, that God may appear in his glory among us! for this I long and pray. It is expected that the new church at Bandry wiQ be opened next Lord’s-day. These are great privileges. Lord, give the blessing! What can men do, even thine own dear children? They are altogether powerless.

“Juli, 14. — Last Lord’s-day our Eree church was opened. I was nearly the whole day there. The services were impressive, and a great many from neighbouring parishes attended. Lord, bless this place, now set apart for thy worship! May many sons and daughters be born unto Thee there!”

One day, when the Pree church was a-building, she went in to see how the work was proceeding, and observing that one of the pews had a private door, and was also much larger and more elevated than the rest, she asked for whom it was intended. The carpenter said, “Por your Ladyship and family.” She immediately directed that the private door should be built up, and the pew made like its neighbours; “for,” as she remarked, “there ought to be no distinctions in the house of God.”

However, it was not only in procuring ministers for the parishes along the shores of Loch-Lomond that the Disruption taxed the energy of Lady Colquhoun. Por many years she had been the patroness and an influential director of various benevolent Societies in Edinburgh. One was an Association, already mentioned, for promoting Pemale Education iQ India, in connexion with the Scottish Missions there. Commenced by the pious and talented Mrs. Wilson, of Bombay, the system soon ramified into all the eastern Presidencies; and, as opening the simplest and surest access to the homes of the Hindoos, it promises to be a most powerful instrument in India’s moral regeneration. Lady Colquhoun set on it great value, and besides keeping in her own hand the minutes of the Society, with eminent wisdom and kindness she conducted the correspondence with its several agents. Then there was the Ladies’ Society in Aid of the Home Mission of the Presbyterian Church in Ireland. In his providence God had opened to that Church a peculiar opportunity of preaching the Gospel to the Irish-speaking inhabitants of the west and south, and at a time when few felt any interest in the subject, Lady Colquhoun recognised in the tidings which she heard an opening towards boundless usefulness. She succeeded in communicating to half-a-dozen friends something of her own ardour, and founded an Institution which successive years have only rendered more imperiously urgent. To her feUow-labourers in this cause she set a noble example, by educating one of the converts, at her own expense, for the Christian ministry; and by personal communication with members of the Ulster Assembly, she kept alive the zeal of herself and her colleagues. But to her patriotic and practical spirit, stUl dearer, perhaps, was the Gaehc School Society. Like her venerable father, whose last thoughts were for the moral and religious welfare of the Highlands, she had a warm attachment to that people; and, knowing how many regions had been spiritually enhghtened, and how many thousands had been scripturally instructed by this Society’s godly teachers, she gave it her most cordial and liberal support. But each of these Societies was more or less shaken in that explosion which rent in twain the Established Church; and, though many statistics were long debated, two points were soon conceded: it was plain that the Pree Church had all the missionaries, and equally plain that the Established Church had most of the moneyed men. And then it was that on the adherents of the new and scripless Institution was poured out that spirit of joyful contribution which, besides covering Scotland vidth a new system of schools and sanctuaries, augmented its mission-staff, and invented schemes of pious enterprise as costly as they were original. Amongst the foremost in the ranks of hberal givers and instant doers, was Lady Colquhoun. Eully persuaded in her own mind, and alive to the peerless exigency, she commenced that series of sumptuous offerings so helpful to the cause, and so inspiring to its friends. Apart from local objects which mainly devolved upon her, if a Highland ‘minister wrote for help to his people who had carted the stones and the timber, but who could not buUd the church; if a Lowland minister represented the case of some clever and pious youth who would fain go to college, but who could not pay the fees; if — as, alas! such tales were too frequent and too true — she heard of sufferings for conscience’ sake, her wonderful purse was always open, and she so contrived to give that her gifts never hinted the self-denial of the sender. To herself money had now become a talent, and its right bestowment a means of grace; and, radiant with the bountiful spirit of this new dispensation, there was contagion in her

cheerful offerings, as well as comfort in her cahn and sagacious counsels. Inevitably she became the centre of those Societies of which she had been formerly the supporter; and, on the other hand, she rejoiced to find that her favourite schemes for India and Ireland had not suffered from the unwonted claims of Scotland.

Perhaps a manly gratitude is as rare as a princely munificence; but to the affectionate memory of one too high-minded to forget a favour, and too devout to regard Lady Colquhoun as his only benefactor, her biographer is indebted for an instance of her seasonable and discriminating kindness. It was in the summer of the Disruption, and when looking out for a Eree Church minister for Luss, that the name of a young hcentiate was mentioned to her. Though apprised that through excessive indulgence in study, — for he had been reading eighteen hours a day, — his health was broken, she sent for him. With some reluctance he came; but instead of the sturdy athlete which a country minister had need to be, there stood before her a spectral invalid. Two eminent physicians had told him that in less than nine months he must be in his grave, and the faithful warning had made him eager to work while it was day. From some cause or other, however, Lady Colquhoun was prepossessed with a sanguine hope that if rightly treated he would recover. She thought and prayed over his case, and sending for him again, propounded a scheme which she had devised for his benefit. She stipulated that he would put himself entirely in her hands, be guided by her advice, and use all means for convalescence at her cost. Of course, all preaching was strictly prohibited; the shattered student was ordered off to drink a famous mineral water; and after a year of rest and rustication he was ready to accept a cordial call to go and minister in a Highland congregation, amongst whom he has labom’ed ever since, a vigorous and successful pastor. Having been favoiu-ed with a perusal of the letters which Lady Colquhoun addressed to her young friend, if the following extracts strike the reader as the entire correspondence struck us, they will convey some idea of that deUcacy and good sense, that piety and kindness which were so beautifully combined in her character.

“Sutherland’’ s Hotel, July 1, 1843.

“Dear Mr., — On thinking over what I said

to you yesterday, I fear I was not sufficiently expUcit. I wish you to promise that after the two Sabbaths for which you are engaged, you will preach no more for some months, and save yourself in every way as much as possible. Nothing short of this will be of any avail, and it would be folly to deny yourself the satisfaction of doing much in the long-run, by perhaps one sermon. Therefore be firm in this respect, and be silent for the present. Depend upon it, to put steadily in force this resolution, requires more grace and strength from above than to follow your ovra inclination and preach the word.

“Do not be very long in writing to me, as I shall be anxious to hear how the Almighty prospers our scheme, and trusting it may be his pleasure to grant you a long life of usefulness and many souls for your hire,

“I remain, your sincere friend,” &c.

“Stutton House, Ipswich, Sept. 6, 1843. “I received your letter this morning with real

Q 2 thankfulness; for I much feared my last had not reached you. I inclose — , which I can assure you I give without any difficulty or deprivation to myseK, and I am sure I may say with heartfelt pleasure. Could I be instrumental in perfecting your recovery, so that you may five to the glory of God and bring souls to the Saviour, how rich would be the blessing on this poor mammon of unrighteousness! ‘For this I pray, and not without the hope that my prayer is heard. You shall not sell your books if I can keep them for you. God has brought your case under my notice most providentially. I praise his name for it. It is only an answer to many prayers that he would point out what he would have me to do. “I am beginning to look to loved Scotland now, and think I shall not remain many weeks longer in England. I am living with a daughter and her family, in a pretty county, and where the air is deHghtfully clear and salubrious. But all will not make up for the want of those precious means of grace with which our favoured land is blessed. May our afilicted Church have a double portion of the dew of Hermon descend upon her in her present afflicted and yet exalted state 1 She goes on prosperously, and ‘with Christ in the vessel, may smile at the storm.’”

“Stutton House, Sept 25, 1843.

“Your last letter, gloomy although it is in some respects, gave me the sincerest pleasm-e, as it tells me you were beginning to derive benefit &om the waters. May the Almighty continue to you their healing virtue, sending you health and cure! One thing I would with much earnestness entreat, that you vdU not think of leaving the place till medical men say there is no use in your remaining. I have a great fear of your but half-doing matters, and then all will be thrown away. One timely and persevering effort saves much. I know there will be somewhat more expense in your present residence; but to what better purpose can money be expended than in promoting the glory of God in the salvation of men? And do you not see that with your recovery this, by his blessing, may be intimately connected? My stock is not exhausted. God has given me means which many others do not possess; and in your case he has plainly said to me, ‘Do this.’ The debt is not to you; along with all I am and all I have, it is claimed by Him who loved me and gave himself for me. Take, therefore, without scruple, what our Lord appoints as yours, and give him the praise.

“And now, as to the state of your mind. I read what you say with much sympathy. Oh! that God would enable me to send you a word from Himself! And first, I think it Mglily probable that the disordered state of the body has more or less connexion with it; and of this you will judge as the body recovers strength and tone. But from what you have written, as well as from what you said when we met, I should think there is something like impatience at the total inactivity, — what you term uselessness, to which you are reduced. The desire of usefulness

is good in itself; but, dear Mr., remember it

is not for us to allot the times and the seasons when God shall employ our services. There is often a waiting time as well as a working time, and, if I mistake not, you will work ’ double tides ’ shortly. Your present duty is to bear his will in silence, saying. When, — where, — how thou wilt. But ’ the face of God seems hid, and the Saviour less present and less precious.’ Ah! this is indeed a bitter cup, and God alone can remove it. I have often thought that ministers must taste such things; or how should they know how to pity and console? This may be part of your education for the ministry; but such desertion shall not always last, (Isaiah liv. 7, 8, 10,) and perhaps it shall be succeeded by bright and cloudless sunshine. In the meantime I would say, place yourself in the everlasting arms, whether God smiles or hides his countenance. Let faith supply the lack of feeling. He will not, he cannot cast you from himself.

“Continue, dear Mr., to pray for Luss. It

has been very dead and barren since I have known it, and is just beginning to show symptoms of life. I hear that Mr. Stewart is gaining beyond the most sanguine expectations, and that there is a party much interested in his success. I am very glad my son has given them the most convenient site for a church.”

In the early summer of 1844 a new and affecting duty devolved on Lady Colquhoun. Her son, Sir James, had been scarcely a year united to a lady * whose youth and amiable dispositions promised a long duration of happiness, and the rejoicings over the birth of a first-born had hardly been celebrated in his hereditary domains, —

It was an April day; and blithely all

The youth of nature leaped beneath the sun.

When tidings came, A son was born; and tidings came again, That she who gave it birth was sick to death.

* The younger Lady Colquhoun was a daughter of Sir Robert Abercrombie of Forglen, Bart. She died at Edinburgh on the 3d of May, 1844.

The infant, thus bequeathed to her maternal tenderness, became an object of unceasing sohcitude to his fond grandmother; and if anything could have linked her spirit to the earth once more, that child would have been the tie. God blessed her anxious tending, and her little grandson grevi in strength and stature. On the rare occasions when she was obliged to send him from imder her immediate eye, a minute correspondence was maintained betwixt his attendants and herself; and in thinking and planning for the welfare of her precious charge, and in watching the developments of thought and affection she lived dehghtfully over again a by-gone era of her history.

The most appropriate contribution which a Christian lady can make to the cause of the Gospel is, when she “shows piety at home.” It is related of a Scottish lawyer who rose to a high judicial station in England, that with infinite pains he had exchanged his vernacular pronunciation for a somewhat finical Enghsh accent; but when he became old and infirm, they say that nature cropped out again, and that it was curious to observe the broad Shibboleths of boyhood taking a late but ample vengeance on the euphuistic orator. And where piety is like Lord Loughborough’s English, — a thing picked up or put on, — it is liable to similar casualties. In life’s least guarded or least brilliant moments, in languor, in sickness, in moments of vexation, carnality triumphs over profession; and the spleen, or the passion, or the worldly-mindedness which was all unsuspected by the admiring committee or the parlour coterie, is revealed without scruple to the domestic circle. But the piety of Lady Colquhoun was such a pervasion that the minutest action and the most familiar moment could only reveal the Christian. “She behaved herself wisely in a perfect way, she walked within her house with a perfect heart;” and her uniform and attractive goodness commended the Gospel to her servants, to her family, and to the stranger sojourning within her gates.

Por many years she had been in the habit of instructing her female servants every Sabbath afternoon; and, with her systematic perseverance, she often assembled them when feeble health made the exertion distressing to herself. Thus, in her journal we find her lamenting the levity which exhibited itself on one of these occasions; “for, considering the pain it cost me to speak to them, I felt it rather hard.” But it was the tendency of such exertions for their welfare to conciliate the affection of her household, especially as they were the exertions of a most kind and considerate mistress. One evening, in Edinburgh, she rang the bell for her maid, but was told that she had gone out and had riot returned. It was late before she arrived, and when she made her appearance Lady Colquhoun asked where she had been. “Taking tea with my mother,” was the reply. But perceiving her embarrassed manner. Lady C. said, “Now, I know you are not telling me the truth;” and the young woman confessed that she had gone to a theatrical exhibition, which was later of ending than she had expected. However, it was true that the party had met at her mother’s and taken tea beforehand; and she had intended to ask leave, but had not found opportunity. Lady 0. expressed her sorrow at the occurrence, the more especially as she had never before discovered in tins maid any deviation from the truth. She told her how much she disapproved of theatres, which had ruined so many; and reminded her how one fault usually leads to another; “and, C,” she added, “I have just been praying for you.” Tears started into the young woman’s eyes; and she begged forgiveness of her mistress, solemnly promising never to be guilty of the like fault again, a promise which she faithfully fulfilled. But although she objected to such places of resort, and would not allow her servants to spend the Sabbath in walks and visits, she was liberal in allowing them other opportunities of amusement, and was especially delighted when they selected such recreations as tended to improve their minds. The servant just mentioned had been attending some evening lectures on astronomy, and Lady C. took great pleasure in hearing all that she could remember, and in helping her to understand them. And all the inmates of her dwelling were so well aware of her benevolent feelings towards them, that it is not wonderful that they received with increasing gratitude her endeavours to promote their truest welfare. “There was not one in the household who did not love and reverence her, and who would not have done anything to serve her.” And if her instructions have not been followed by lasting results in every case, none who were connected vsdth her can ever forget how holy and unblameable was her daily demeanour.

With a few final extracts from her diary, we shall conclude the active portion of this history. They win supply some omissions in the narrative, and they will show how the Lord was preparing his servant for her everlasting rest.

“127, George-street, Edinburgh, Monday, Dec. 25, 1843. — Having omitted to bring my diary here with me, I have neglected writing for some weeks. Here

I have been enjoying the highest privileges, for which at some periods of my life I would have given anything. I am in the same lodgings with Mr. Wilham Bums, having the two best floors, and he some rooms above. I am thus enabled to attend his family worship night and morning, and he preaches regularly every Sabbath morning and twice during the week. To-day I was again feasted at his class for young women by his exposition of the question. What is God? I had before, nearly two years ago I think, heard part of this sublime subject with inexpressible delight, but left Edinburgh before he finished it, little hoping to hear any more. Now, if spared in health, I may hear the rest. Lord, grant it, and the blessing!

“31. — Arrived at the end of another year, what can I say of myself in it? Perhaps I little know or think of my neglected duties, or many sins, but my heart does not smite me much; and yet I see others in labours much more abundant, as dear Mr. Burns in this house, complaining bitterly of unprofitableness. It is probable that I am contented with a very low state both of feeling and labour. Let me press onward and forward. I took the family worship, as I do always on the Sabbaths, as Mr. Bums is late of returning from the young men’s class.

“March 10, 1844. — ^I find more than a month has elapsed and I have omitted writing here. A passage from ‘Domey’s Letters ’ came to me with power and comfort. ‘The soul that is wiQing Christ should both save him and purge him, shall be saved and purged; and God cannot but account him clean from condemning guilt.’ I have made an attempt to lead one, who I fear has been afar off, and have lent a book with faith and prayer (‘Wilberforce’s View’). From my being enabled to pray, I hope well in this.

“March 17. — My heart is rejoiced this evening by one of the servant-girls in these lodgings, whom I have been teaching, with the other, on the Sabbaths, telling me that what I said to her on prayer had been much blessed to her, and that she now found many opportvmities to pray, and was happy in Christ. O Lord! truly I praise thee for this. Humbly and gratefully I thank Thee for making me the honored instrument in thy glorious work. Bless and protect this poor girl, and build her up in the faith j and may she glorify Thee eternally!

“April 14. — An event of some importance to our family has occurred since I last wrote here, — the birth of a son to my son, Sir James. His mother has been very delicate since; but all is in the hand of God; to Him I commit them, believing that He will do well. To-day I feel rather imwell, and am the less unwilling to remain at home, as (it is somewhat strange) I almost always find God more present during the Sabbath-day when thus confined, than when attending ordinances. Oh! it is God, not ordinances, I seek. Wherever He is present, I would be. And this day He was present, especially during the hours of the morning service. A letter received lately from Mr. Denniston, of Jamaica, with some observations on walking vsdth God, was blessed to me this morning.

“28. — A communion Sabbath. I was privileged to hear Mr. A. Bonar, Mr. SomervUle, and Dr. Duncan, on the previous days, but without any particular blessing; when, last night, a friend said she had been exhorted simply to receive Christ’s broken body, as broken for her sins, and his shed blood as shed for her; and these few words brought joy and faith with them, which remained with me at the table; I was enabled to see a little of the Lord’s beauty, and rejoice ia Him. My daughter-in-law continues in a most precarious state; it seems uncertain whether or not she wih recover. I have told her of the danger, and prayed with her several times.

“May 5. — A difierent Sabbath indeed from the last, Lady Colqulioun having departed this life on Eriday afternoon. I witnessed her death, and have been since almost constantly with my son, at 132, George-street. The infant lives, and will be my precious charge. Thus a fresh line of duty and care devolves upon me, different, indeed, from what I should have sought. I am dumb; I open not my mouth: for God has done this. It is His way, therefore a right way.

“Ma 19. — I am beginning to awake from the dream of late events in my family, and am also beginning, I hope, to return to the Lord. I am certainly led in a way I would not in present circumstances; but it must be right. It goes to my heart when I recollect my dear little boy at Stutton, and my reUgious instructions of him last summer, and that now we cannot meet. One thing sweetly reconciles me, — God did it. I was present at the opening of the Eree Assembly, and enjoyed it much.

“26. — I was once or twice more at the Meetings of Assembly, which are truly solemn and interesting; but having caught cold, I am now debarred from them, and also from ordinances, to-day. I have, however, found God in private, both in reading and prayer. I He very low because of shortcoming and sin; but I feel the value of the sacrifice offered for it, and see something of that righteousness which is unto all and upon all them that believe. Throughout the day my heart has rested on God as my portion. Oh, how precious! Thus at times creatures, the whole creation, keep their just place in my regard. I pant for more of this.

“Bossdhu, August 11. — Was much blessed in the house of prayer to-day, Mr. Stewart preaching on the freedom of the Gospel offer, from John iii. 15. I had longed to hear him on this subject; and it was very joyful to me to hear Christ so freely and unconditionally preached at Luss. Lord, thou hast given us much in this Church, and in this thy devoted servant as our pastor; yet all this may be without the blessing. For the Holy Ghost I pray; earnestly, unweariedly I pray for the descent of the Spirit upon this place and people. I pray in faith, and, looldng up, expect the answer. I think I shall yet, if spared, vn-ite here that I am heard. O Lord, hasten the time!

“Sept. 8. — The three last Sabbaths Lady Sinclair and my sisters were here. They were tolerably well spent; in some of them I was enabled to return to the evening service. Our good pastor was absent last Lord’s-day, having lost a sister, who died in the

Lord. To-day Mr. Stewart gave us a delightful sermon on Christ the Resurrection and the Life. It came home to my heart. Surely I possess this spiritual life. I feel something within that lives to God, that delights in God, that cannot exist vrithout God, that must be derived from God. And if this new nature be, in the first instance, imparted without a right or title, it shall be preserved and strengthened unto everlasting life. These and such thoughts have been very joyful to me this day. I also felt truly grateftd to the Almighty that there is such a change to the better in my Gospel privileges here. Oh, thanks be unto God for this!

“Bee. 15. — We little know what a day may bring forth. Nearly a fortnight ago I fell down thirteen steps of a stair, and was much bruised; but, most providentially, had no bone broken, and was not otherwise injured. It is singular that this fall has been the means of prayer being answered: and, between a sense of gratitude for that, and for my merciful preservation, my heart has been fcdl of thankfulness and praise. I was about a week confined to bed; but never was God so present with me in illness. I could pray always, and rejoice too. Mr. Stewart visits me often, and has been a great comfort to me. I was still unable to go out to-day.

My dear daughter and Mr. Reade, with his Kttle boy, are now here.

“Jan. 5, 1845. — I am now able to attend in God’s house, and have been there the two last Sabbaths. I am happy with many of my family about me; but, alas! intercourse with others has in some measure deadened my heart to God. I look back to my sick-bed with something like regret, for then I was with Him all day; yet He will never leave nor forsake me.

“March 20. — How uncertain are all things here! This day week Lady Sinclair, my kind friend and stepmother, was taken ill with a bilious attack, and to-day is in that state we cannot say when she may be taken hence. I went in a chair to see her yesterday and to-day, being unwell myself. It is a sorrowing family. I prayed with them, and said what I could. Oh! for a sanctified use of the afflictions that are thickening around them; for my sister, Mrs. Stewart, has long been also in a very precarious way, but seems to rest on the Rock of Ages. Lord, how soon may such a time as this come to me! I feel this evening united to Christ.

“27. — How much have I to write this evening! My kind friend. Lady Sinclair, is no more; my sister, Mrs. Stewart, also gone. I was much with the former; but her recollection was greatly impaired, and she covild say little on any subject. I saw her after death. Ah! how solemn was the scene! — how sad the feelings of her sorrowing family! Yesterday she was consigned to the same grave at Holyrood, where my father Hes. Mrs. Stewart gave pleasing evidence of being in a state of salvation. Oh, to be ready when my summons shall come! To-day I commemorated my Lord’s death in St. Luke’s.

“Bossdhu, Oct. 19. — I think grace grows; but it is downward growth. It is a greater sense of need, and a feeling that none but Christ can help. To-day I was thinking that I have every reason to trust that ’ the Beloved is mine,’ because He has made me so heartily vdlling to be saved in his ovm way.

“Jan. 4, 1846. — I begin another year in health and comfort. This is the first day of the Concert for Prayer. I heartily joined in petitioning for an abundant outpouring of the precious Spirit; and I intend meeting with the servants during the week, in accordance with the appointment of our Church. I had an answer to prayer last week. How merciftd is our God!

“35. — Probably the last Sabbath here, as we propose leaving for Edinburgh on Wednesday. I pray earnestly for a blessing on the congregation and its pastor, and on the parish, — a new minister having

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been appointed for the Established Church. I do hope that this change will not prove unimportant, but that some good may come of it, and the hand of God be seen in it. I put my trust in Him for many things now depending on his providence.

“18, Ainslie-place, Edinburgh, April 12. — Since writing here a fortnight ago, I have gone through a good deal. A few days after, I became very feverish, and about a week was nearly confined to bed. I sufffered also, and still sufier, from a depressing nervousness, which is hard to bear, — disturbing my rest at night, and taking away my peace by day. Yet I think this illness has been blessed to me. Christ has appeared very precious; and although at times I could scarcely see my interest in Him, at other times I could embrace the simple promise, and hold Him fast, and not let Him go without a blessing. Sick and in bed last Lord’s-day, I could do nothing but offer a few words of prayer. To-day I am able to be up, and am rapidly recovering; but being nervous, I thought, ‘How shall I spend my sacred hours? ‘Looking through some books that had been lent me by my sister Catherine, I ahghted on ‘The True Christian,’ by Jones, of Creaton. Here I found much just suited to my need. AU seemed encouraging; and many times to-day I have been receiving Christ and all his fulness. In writing of this illness, I must not forget to notice my many temporal blessings. God has given me all I possibly could desire. Truly, ‘He has made all my bed in my sickness.’

“19. — Although still feeble, I have been progressing tovrards complete recovery during the week. Thanks to a gracious God! I have felt great benefit from this illness. I never so strongly saw my need of Christ, nor so fully closed with him. Reading this morning in Jones’s little book, I felt assured that what he describes as certain marks of the new nature, — the love of God for what He is; the love of holiness; the love of the Spirit wherever seen; the love of the law, — I felt convinced that these marks are mine, and something like assurance grew upon it.

“26. — I communicated in Free St. Stephen’s, and scarcely ever enjoyed so much in the sacramental feast. I was fed in last week’s preparatory services; but especially to-day, both in the sanctuary and at home, God was present. I awoke early, and, before rising, read vrith much delight the sixth chapter of John. Mr. Gillies, on the love of Christ, from John xiii. 1, was truly dehghtful. Dr, James Buchanan served the second table, and followed in

the same strain, from ‘Christ loved the Church, and gave himself for it.’ I have heard soid-refreshing truths, and I have given myself to the Lord, and rejoice in his love. God enabling me, I will henceforth confide in Him more.

“Bossdhu, June 28. — Many vreeks have elapsed since I was able to note down my spiritual state and feelings. I have been very ill; and, after coming here from Edinburgh, was obliged to return to it for medical advice. The Almighty directed me to Dr. Simpson, who at once saw the root of the evU, and whose method of treatment has, under Providence, given me great relief. The nervousness which so distressed me is gone. I have had a sight of death; for when one attack followed another, I often thought I might not recover. Alas! I never can view it with that desire to depart which many of God’s children feel. However, in this, as in everything else, I must lean upon the Beloved, and hope He win guide me in safety through the dark valley. I seem to have been at school, and trust I have learned something, especially my helplessness, worth-” lessness, utter insufficiency. Against this could I but set Christ’s strength, worth, sufficiency, all would be well. I was five weeks in Edinburgh, and returned two days ago. God has mercifully kept my little grandson in health during my absence, and all has been mercifoUy ordered.

“July 5. — Not well, but continuing to recover. Was at church, and heard a missionary, Mr. Strachan, preach, on Luke i. 76 — 79. How dark, how awful would have been our thoughts regarding futurity, had not the tender mercy of our God caused the Day-spring to visit us, giving knowledge of salvation and the remission of sins! Blessed knowledge! most needful remission! Deeply, most deeply do I feel my need of it.”