The Signs of Immoderate Sorrow
Fint7 I shall give you the signs of immoderate sorrow, and shew you when it exceeds its bounds, and becomes sinful, even a sorrow to be sorrowed for; and, for clearness sake, I will first allow what may be allowed to the Christian i mourner, and ihen you will the better discern wherein the excess and sinfulness of your sorrow lies.
And, Fm/jHow much soever we censure, and condemn immoderate sorrow; yet the afflicted must bd allowed an awakened, and tender sense of the Lstd’s afflicting hand upon them. It is no virtue to bear what we do not feel; yea, it is a most unbecoming temper, not to tremble when God is smiting.
The Lord saith to Moses, in the case of Miriam, Numb. xii. 24.” If her father had spit in her face, should she not be ashamed seven days Pf The face is the table, and seat of beauty and honor; but when it is spit upon, it is made the sink of shame. Had her own father spit upon her face, when she had displeased him, would she not have gone aside, as one ashamed by such a rebuke, and not have shewed her face to him again, in seven days? How much more should she take it to heart, and be sensible of this rebuke of mine, who have filled her face with leprous spots, the signs of my displeasure against her? Surely God will be ashamed of those who are not ashamed when God rebukes them.
It is not magnanimity, but stupidity, to make light of God’s corrections; and for this the afflicted are smartly taxed, Jer. v. 3. “I have smitten them, but they have not grieved.” — -
When God smote Job in person, children, and estate, he arose, and rent his mantle, and put dust upon his head, to shew he was not senseless, and unaffected, and yet blessed the afflicting God; which, as plainly shewed, he was not contumacious, and unsubmissive.
Secondly, We must allow the mournings afflicted sauly a due j and comely expression of his grief, and aorrow, in his complaints, both to God and men.
It is much more becoming a Christian, ingen-> uously to open his troubles, than sullenly to smother them. There is no sin in complaining to God, but much wickedness in complaining of him. Griefs are eased by groans, and heartpressures relieved by utterance* This was David’s course, and constant way, who was a man of afflictions, Psalm cxlii. 2j 3. u I poured out my complaint before him, I shewed before him my trouble; when my spirit was overwhelmed within me, then thou knowest my path.”
To whom should children go, but to their father, to make their moan? Whence may they expect relief, and comfort, but from him? The 102d Psalm is intitled,” A psalm for the afflicted, when he is overwhelmed, and poureth out his complaint before the Lord.”
Arid happy were it, if every afflicted soul would chuse this way to express his sorrows. Did we complain more to God, he would complain less of us, and quickly abate the matters of our complaint. O you cannot think how moving, how melting, how prevailing it is with God, whin his poor, burdened, and afflicted people, in a day of distress, and despondency, when deep calleth unto deep, and one wave drives on another, then for the oppressed soul, with humility, filial confidence, and faith, to turn itself to the Lord, and thus bespeak him:
6 Father, what shall 1 do? my soul is greatly bowed down by trouble; 1 am full to the brim, my vain heart looked this way, and that way, but none comes; every door of comfort is shut up against me: thou hast multiplied my sorrows, and renewed my witnesses against me. Comfort is removed from my outward, and peace from my inner man; sharp afflictions without, and bitter reflections within. O Lord, I am oppressed, undertake for me. Fathers of the flesh pity their distressed children, when, they complain to them; and wilt not thou, O Lord, whose compassions as far exceed creature* compassions, as the sea exceeds a drop; O my Father! pity me, support me, deliver me.”
O how acceptable is this to God! how advantageous to the soul!
We may also make our complaint to men. So did Job, chap. xix. ver. 21. “Have pity, have pity on me, O ye my friends, for the hand of God hath touched me.” And it is a mercy if we have any friends that are wise, faithful, and experienced; they are born for such a time as this, Prov. xvii. 17, but be they what they will, they cannot pity as God, relieve, and succor as he; and oftentimes we may say, with Job, chap. xxi. ver. 4. “As for me, is my complaint to men? and if it were, why should not my spirit be troubled?” q. d. What great advantage can I get by these complaints I may burden the heart of my friend, but how little doth that ease my own? yet the very opening of the heart to an experienced, tender Christian, is some relief, and the engaging his prayers is more. Thus far you moan safely; in all this there is no danger.
Thirdly, The afflicted person may (ordinarily) accuse, judge, and condemn himself, for being the cause, and procurer of his own troubles. He may lawful* ly be discontented, and vexed with himself fc? his own folly, when the iniquity of his heels compasseth him about. And truly it is but seldom that any great affliction befalls a gracious person, but he saw the need of such a rod, before he felt it.
Hath God smitten thy child, or friend, and didst thou not foresee some sharp trial coming? Did not thy fond, secure, carnal temper, need such a scourge, to awaken, quicken, and purge thee? Or, if you did not foresee it, it is now your duty to search, and examine yourselves* So the church, in her affliction, resolved, Lam. iii. 40. “Let us search and try our ways.” When God is smiting, we should be a searching: Surely our iniquities will enquire after us, if we will not enquire after them: yea, in the day of affliction, a gracious soul is inquisitive about nothing more than the procuring, and provoking cause of his troubles. Job x. 2. “Shew me wherefore thou contendest with me;” q. d. Lord, what special corruption is it that this rod is sent to rebuke? What sinful neglect doth it come to humble me for? 0 discover it now to me, and recover me now from it.
And having found the root, and cause of their troubles, ingenuous souls will shame themselves for it, and give glory to God, by an humble submission, and vindication of the equity of his proceedings. Job vii. 20. “I have sinned, what shall I do unto thee, thou preserver of men-?” He thinks it no shame freely to discover unto God, and deeply to abase himself before him for his folly.
I remember a choice note that* Mr. Brightman hath, in his commentary upon the Canticles.
* Holy men, saith he, after their hearts are renewed by repentance, are not ashamed to remember, and confess their slips, and shameful falls to the glory of God.’ If his glory may rise out of our shame, how willing should we be to take such slrame to us? Holy David was not ashamed to acknowledge, Psalm xxxviii. 5. “My wounds stink, and are corrupted, because of my foolishness.” He is the wisest man that thus befools himself before God.
* Nee enim pudet s-netos viros, pvstquam renovata cor da fuerint per resipiscentiam, lapsus sid and dedecoris ad Dei gloriam meniin’nse. Nihil nobis decedit, quod cedit in illius honor enu Brightman in Cant. c. 1. v. 4. p. 11.
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It is true, God may afflict from prerogative, or for trial; but we may always see cause enough in ourselves, and it is safest to charge it upon our own folly.
Lastly, The afflicted Christian may, in- an humble-, submissive manner, plead ‘with God, and be earnest for the removal of the affliction.
When affliction presseth us above strength, when it disables us for duty, or when it gives advantage to temptation; then we may say with David, “Remove thy stroke from me, I am consumed by the blow of thjpe hand,” PsaL xxxix. 10. Even our Lord Jesus Christ, in the iy of his troubles, poured out his soul with strong cries, and many tears, saying, “Father, if thou be willing, let this cup pass from me,” Luke xxii. 42. Oppressed nature desires ease, and even our renewed nature desires freedom from those clogs, and temptations, which hinder us in duty, or expose us to snares. Thus far we may safely go.
But sorrow then becomes sinful, and excessive, when,
First, It causeth us to slight, and desftse all out* other mercies, and enjoyments, as small things, in comparison of what njoe have lost.
It often falls out, that the setting of oneeomfort, clouds, and benights the rest. Our tears for our lost enjoyments, so blind our eyes, that we cannot see the many other mercies which yet remain: we take so much notice of what is gone, that we take little or no notice of what is left. But this is very sinful, for it involves in it both ignorance, ingratitude, and great provocation.
It is a sin springing from ignorance. Did we know the desert of our sins, we should rather wonder to stone mercy left, than that twenty are cut off. They that know they have for. feited every mercy, should be thankful that they enjoy any, and patient when they lose any of their comforts.
Did we know God, even that sovereign Lord at whose dispose our comforts come and go, who can next moment blast all that remain, and turn you into hell afterwards, you would prize the mercies he yet indulges to you, at an higher value. Did you understand the fickle, vanishing nature of the creature, what a flower, what a, bubble it is; O how thankful would you ber to find so many yet left in your possession I
Did you know the case of thousands, as good, yea, better than you, whose whole harvest of comfort in this world is but a handful, to the gleanings of the comforts you still enjoy, wh<* in all their lives never were owners of such comfortable enjoyments, as you now overlook; surely you would not act as you now do.
Besides, what vile ingratitude is in this? What, are all your remaining mercies worth nothing? You have buried a child, a friend; well, but still you have a husband, a wife, other children; or if not, you have comfortable accommodations for yourselves, with health to enjoy them; or, if not, jet have you the ordinances of God, it may be, an interest in Christ and in the covenant, pardon of sin, and hopes of glory. What, and yet sink itt this rate, as if all your mercies, comforts, and hopes, even in both worlds, were buried in one grave. Must Ichabod be written upon your best mercies, because mortality is written upon one? Fy, fy9 what shameful ingratitude is here?
And really, friend, such a carriage as this under the rod, is no small provocation to the Lord to go on in judgment, aod make a full end of all that remains, so that affliction shall not rise up the second time.
What if God, taking notice how little thoti regardest the many undeserved favors thou possessest, should say, well, if thou thinkest them not worth the owning, neither do I think them worth continuing? Go, death, there is a husband wife, other children yet left, smite them all. Go, sickness, and remove the health of his tody yet left; go losses, and impoverish his estate yet left; go, reproach, and blast his reputation, which is yet sweet; what would you think of this? And yet, if thou be out of Christ, you are in danger of a far sadder stroke than any, pr all yet mentioned; what if God should say, Prizest thou not my mercy? Hast thou no value for my goodness, and forbearance towards thee? Is it nothing that I have spared thee thus long in thy sins, and rebellions? Weil, then, I will stretch out my hand upon thy life, cut off that thread which hath kept thee so many years from dropping into hell.
O mink, then, what you have done, by provoking the Lord, through your vile ingratitude! It is a dangerous thing to provoke God, when he is already in a way of judgment. And if you be his own people, and so out of danger of this last and worst stroke; yet know, you have better mercies to lose than any you have yet lost. Should God cloud ) our souls with doubts, let loose Satan to buffet you, remove joy and peace from your inner man, how soon would you be convinced that the funeral of your dearest friend is but a trifle to this?
Well, then, whatever God takes, be still thankful for what he leaves. It was the great sin of Israel in the wilderness, that though God had delivered them from their cruel servitude in Egypt, miraculously fed them in the desert, and was leading them on to a land flowing with milk and honey; yet as soon as any want did but begin to pinch them, presently all these mercies were forgotten and slighted, Numb. xiv. 12. “Would to God (say they) we had died in Egypt.” And, Numb. xi. 6, “There is nothing at all beside this manna.” Beware of this, O ye mourning and afflicted ones. You see both the sin that is in it, and the danger that attends it.
Secondly, And no less sinful are our sorrows, When they so ‘wholly ingnlph our hearts, that we either nimd not at alL cr are little or noihln? sensible D of the fuhllc ewls and calamities, which lie upon tftt church and people of God*
Some Christians have such public spirits, that the church’s troubles swallow up their personal troubles. Melancthon seemed to take little notice of the death of his child which he dearly loved, being almost overwhelmed with the miseries lying on the church.
And it was a good evidence of the graciousness and pubiicness of Eli’s spirit, who sitting in the gate, anxiously waiting for tidings from the army, when the tidings came that Israel fled before the Philistines, that his two sons Hophni and Phinehas were dead, and that the ark of God was taken, just at the mention of that word, * The ark of God before he heard out the whole narration, his mind quickly presaged the issue, he sunk down and died, 1 Sam. iv, 17. 18. O that was the sinking, the killing word; had the messenger stopt at the death of his two sons, like enough he had supported that burden; but the loss oi the ark was more to him than sons or daughters.
* Cumque ille noroinasset arcam Dei. q. d. uondum integram, sed iuchoatarn audiens narrationem, mente praevolans et exiium praesagienstoebat. Mereoz. ia loc.
But how few such public spirits appear even among prefessors in this selfish generation? May we not with the apostle complain, Phil. i 21, “All seek their own, and not the things “that are of Christ:” Few men have any great cares or designs, lying beyond the bounds of their own private interest. And what we say of cares, is as true of sorrows: If a child die, we are ready to die too, but public calamity pierce us not.
How few suffer either their domestic comforts to be swallowed up in the church’s troubles, or their domestic troubles to be swallowed up by the church’s mercies! Now when it is thus with us, when we little regard what mercies or miseries lie upon others, but are wholly intent upon our own afflictions, this is a sinful sorrow, and ought to be sorrowed for.
Thirdly, Our sorrows then become sinful and exorbitant, When they divert us from, or distract us in, our duties, so that cur intercourse with heaven is stGpt and interrupted by them.
How long can we sit alone musing upon a dead creature? Here our thoughts easily flow; but how hard to fix them upon the living God! when our hearts should be in heaven with our
Christ, they are in the grave with our dead. May not many afflicted souis justly complain, that their troubles had taken away their Christ from them, (I mean as to sweet sensible communion) and laid the dead child in his room?
Poor creature, cease to weep any longer for thy dead relation, and weep rather for thy dead heart. Is this thy compliance with God’s design in afflicting thee? What, to grow a greater stranger to him than before! Or is this the way t3 thy cure and comfort in affliction, to refrain prayer, and turn thy back upon God?
Or if thou darest not wholly to neglect thy duty, yet thy affliction spoils the success and comfort of it; thy heart is wandring, dead, distracted in prayer and meditation, so that thou hast no relief or comfort from it.
Rouze up thyself, Christian, and consider this is not right. Surely the rod works not kindly now. What, did thy love to God expire when thy friend expired? Is thy heart as cold in duty, as his body is in the grave?
Hath natural death seized him, and spiritual death seized thee? Sure then thou hat more reason to lament thy dead heart, than thy dead friend. Divert the stream of thy troubles speedily, and labour to recover thyself out of this temper quickly; lest sad experience shortly tell thee, that what thou now mournest for, is but a trifle to what thou shalt mourn for hereafter* To lose the heavenly warmth and spiritual liveliness of thy affections, is undoubtedly a far more considerable loss, than to lose the wife of thy bosom, or the sweetest child that ever a tender parent laid in the grave.
Reader, if this be thy case, thou hast reason to challenge the first place among the mourners. It is better for thee to bury ten sons, than to remit one degree of love or delight in God. The end of God in smiting, was to win thy heart nearer to him by removing that which enstranged it; how then dost thou cross the very design of God in this dispensation? Must God then lose his delight in thy fellowship, because thou hast lost thine in the creature? Surely, when thy troubles thus accompany thee to thy closet, they are sinful and extravagant troubles.
Fourthly, Then you may also conclude your sorrows to be excessive and sinful, When they so overload and oppress your bodies, as to endanger ycur lives, or render them useless and unfit for service*
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Worldly sorrow works deatt, 2 Cor. vii. 1 0. that is, sorrow after the manner of worldly men *; sorrow in a mere carnal, natural way, which is not relieved by any spiritual reasonings and considerations. This falls so heavy sometimes upon the body, that it sinks under the weight, and is cast into such diseases as are never more wrought off, or healed in this world. “Heaviness in the heart of a man makes it stoop,” saith Solomon, Prov. xii. 25. The stoutest body must stoop under heart-pressures.
It is with the mind of man, saith one, as with xjie stone tyrfenus; as long as it is whole it swimmeth; but, once broken, it sinks presently. Grief is a moth, which, getting into the mind, will in a short time, make the body, be it never so strong and well wrought a piece, like an old seary garment.
Philosophers and physicians generally reckon Sorrow among the chief causes of shortning life. Christ was a man of sorrows, and acquainted with grief, and this some think was
* Worldly sorrow is after the manner of the world, arising from the love of it. Esiius on tint place.
the reason that he appeared a man of fifty, when he was little more thanthiity years old, John viii, 57, But his sorrows were of another kind f.
Many a man’s soul is to his body, as a sharp knife to a thin sheath, which easily cuts it through; and what do we by poring and pondering upon our troubles, but whet the knife that it may cuMhe deeper and quicker? Of all the creatures that ever God made (devils only excepted) man is the most able and apt to be his own tormentor.
How unmercifully do we load our bodies in times of afflictions? How do we not only waste their strength by sorrew, but deny relief nd necessary refreshment? They must carry the load, but be allowed no refreshment: if they can eat the bread of affliction, and drink tears, they may feed to the full; but no pleasant bread, no quiet sleep is permitted them. Surely you would not burden a beast as you do your own
t These things write I unto you, who have wept so immoderately, that 1 become an example (which 1 always abhorred) of those whom grieihath overcome. Yet this unreasonable conduct 1 now condemn myself for. Senec* bodies: You would pity and relieve a brute beast, groaning and sinking under an heavy burden, but you will not pity nor relieve your own bodies.
Some mens souls have given such deep wounds to their bodies, that they are never like to enjoy many easier or comfortable days more whilst they dwell in them.
Now, this is very sinful and displeasing to God; for if he have such a tender care for our bodies, that he would not have us swallowed up of over much grief, no, though it be for sin, 2 Cor.ii. 7. but even to that sorrow sets bounds how much less with outward sorrow for tempolal loss? May not yourvtock of natural strength be employed to better purposes, think you, than these? Time may come, that you may earnestly wish you had the health and strength again to spend for God, which you now so lavishly waste, and prodigally cast ft way upon your troubles, to no purpose or advantage.
It was therefore an high point of wisdom in David, and recorded no doubt for our imitation, who, when the child was dead, ceased to mourn, but arose, washed himself, and eat bread, 2 Sam. xii. 2D.
Fifthly, When affliction sours the spirit with discontent, and makes it inwardly grudge against the hand of God, then our trouble is full of sin, and we ought to be humbled for it before the Lord.
Whatever God doth with us, or ours, still we should maintain good thoughts of him, A gracious heart cleaves nearer and nearer to God in affliction, and can justify God in his severest strokes, acknowledging them to be all just and holy, PsaL cxix. 75. “I know also that thy “Judgments are right, and that thou in faithful- “ness hast afflicted me.” And hereby the soul may comfortably evidence to itself its own uprightness and sincere love to God; yea, it hath been of singular use to some souls, to take right measures of ther love to God in such trials: to have lovely and well-pleased thoughts of God, even when he smites us in our nearest and dearest comforts, argues plainly that we love him for himself, and not for his gifts only. And thus his interest in the heart is deeper than any creature interest is. And such is the comfort that hath resulted to some from such discoveries of their own hearts by close smarting afflictions, that they would not part with it, to have their comforts (whose removal occasioned them) given back in lieu of it.
But to swell with secret discontent, and have hard thoughts of God, as if he had done us wrong, or dealt more severely with us than any; O this is a vile temper, cursed fruit springing from an evil root; a very carnal, ignorant, proud-heart: or at least a very distempered, if renewed heart. So it was with Jonah when God smote his gourd: “Yea, (saith he) I 4,° “well to be angry even unto death,” Jonah iv. 9. Poor man, he was highly distempered at this time, and out of frame; this was not his true temper, or ordinary frame, but a surprise; the effect of a paroxism of temptation, in which his passions had been over heated.
Few dare to vent it in such language: but how many have their hearts imbittered by discontent, and secret risings against the Lord? Which, if ever the Lord open their eyes to see, will cost them more trouble than ever that affliction did, which gave the occasion of it.
I deny not but the best heart may be tempted to think and speak frowardly concerning these works of the Lord; that envious adversary, the devil, will blow the coals, and labour to - blow up our spirits at such time into high discontents: The temptation was strong even upon David himself, to take up hard thoughts of God, and to conclude, “Verily I have cleansed” m y heart in vain;” q, d. How little privilege from the worst of evils hath a man by his goodness? But he soon suppressed such motions: “If I should say thus, I should offend “against the generation of thy children:” Meaning, that he should condemn the whole race of godly men through the whole world; for who is there among them all, but is, or hath, or may be, afflicted as severely as myself?
“Surely, it is meet to be said unto God, I” have borne chastisement, I will not offend any “more,” Job xxxiv. 31. Whatever God doth with you, speak well, and think well of him, and his works.
Sixthly, Our sorrows exceed due bounds nvhen ive continually excite and provoke them by ivjllingy irritations.
Grief, like a Lion, loves to play with us before it destroys us. And strange it is that we should find some kind of pleasure in rouzing our sorrows. It is * Seneca’s observation, and experimentally true, that even sorrow itself hath a certain kind of delight attending it.
The Jews, that were with Mary in the house to comfort her, “when they saw that she went out hastily, followed her, saying, she “goeth to the grave to weep there,” John xi. 32. as they do, saith f Calvin, that seek to i provoke their troubles, by going to the grave, or often looking upon the dead body,*
Thus we delight to look upon the relics of our deceased friends, and often to mention their actions, and sayings, not so much for any matter of holy, and weighty instruction, or imitation, for that would warrant, and commend the action; but rather to rub the wound, and fetch fresh blood from it, by piercing ourselves with some little, trivial, yet wounding circumstance. I have known many that will sit
* Sorrow itself has a certain kind of pleasure attending it, when the parents call to mind the pleasant sayings, the cheerful conversation, and the filial affection of their children, then their eyes are refreshed as it were with a kind of joy.
f Ex eerum more qui Indus sui irntamcnta quaerunt. Calvin.
and talk of the features, actions and sayings, of their children, for four hours together, and weep at the rehearsal of them, and that for many months after they are gone; so keeping the wound continually open, and excruciating their own hearts, without any benefit at all by them: A lock of hair, or some such trifles, must be kept for this purpose, to renew their sorrow daily, by looking on it. On this account, Jacob would not have his son called Benoni, lest it should renew his sorrow, but Benjamin.
I am far from commending a brutish oblivion of our dear relations, and condemn it as much as I do this childish, and uoprofitable remembrance. O friends! we have other things to do under the rod, than these: Were it not better to be searching our hearts, and houses, when God’s rod is upon us, and studying how to answer the end of it, by mortifying those corruptions which provoke it? Surely the rod works not kindly till it comes to this.
Seventhly, Lastly, Our sorrows may then be pronounced sinful, when they deafen our ears to all the wholesome, and seasonable words of counsel, and comfort, offered us for our relief and support.
Jer. xxxi 15. “A voice was heard in Ramaby 11 lamentation and bitter weeping; Rachel weeping for her children, would not be com- “forted for her children, because they were” not.’’ She will admit no comfort, her disease is curable by no other means but the restoration of her children; give her them againr and she will be quiet; else you speak into air she regards not whatever you say.
Thus Israel, in the cruel bondage in Egypt, Moses brings the glad tidings of deliverance; ■” but they harkened not to him, because of the a anguish of spirit, and their cruel bondage,” Exod. vi. 9.
Thus obstinately fixed are many, in their trouble, that no words of advice, or comfort, find any place with them; yea, I have known some exceeding quick and ingenuous, even above the rate of their common parts and abilities, in inventing shifts, and framing objections to turn off comfort from themselves, as if they had been hired to plead against their own interest; and if they be driven from those pleas, yet they are settled in their troubles, too fast to be moved; say what you will, they muid it not, or, at most, it abides not upon them. Let proper, seasonable advice, or cqpnfort, be tender- «d, they refuse it; your counsel is good, but they have no heart to it now. Thus, PsaL lxxvii. 10. “My soul (saith he) refused to be comforted.”
To want comfort in time of affliction, is an aggravation of our affliction; but to refuse it when offered us, wants not sin. Tim* may come when we would be glad to receive comfort, or hear a word of support, and shall be denied it.
O it is a mercy to the afflicted to have Barnabas with them, an interpreter, one among a thousand; and it will be the great sin, and folly of the afflicted, to spill, like water upon the ground, those excellent cordials, prepared and offered to them, out of a froward, or dead spirit, under trouble. Say not with them, Lam. iii. 18, 19. “My hope is perished from the Lord,” remembering mine affliction and my misery, “the wormwood and the gall.” It is a thousand pities the wormwood and gall of affliction should so disgust a christian, as that he should not at any time be able to relish the sweetness that is in Christ, and in the promises. And thus I have despatched the first part of my d$-
I sign, in shewing you wherein the sin of mourners doth not lie, and in what it doth.