Extracts from His Private Diary
Saturday, Dec. 22, 1722. This day revived by God’s Spirit. Affected with the sense of the excellency of holiness. Felt more exercise of love to Christ than usual. Have also felt sensible repentance of sin, because it was committed against so merciful and good a God. This night made the 37th Resolution.
Sabbath-day night, Dec. 23. Made the 38th Resolution.
Monday, Dec, 24. Higher thoughts than usual of the excellency of Jesus Christ and his kingdom.
Wednesday, Jan. 2, 1722-3. Dull. I find by experience, that let me make resolutions, and do what I will, with never so many inventions, it is all nothing, and to no purpose at all, without the
f The Resolutions are seventy in number. But part of them are here transcribed, as a specimen of the whole. The number here affixed to them is that by which they are numbered in the original manuscript; and rr ained here for the sake of the references mads to some of them in the Diary, as the reader will presently see*
LIFE OF EDWARDS. Xlil
motions of the Spirit of God: for if the Spirit of God should be as much with(h-an’n from me always, as for the week past, notwithstanding all I do, I should not grow; but should languish, and miserably fade away. — There is no dependence upon myself. It is to no purpose to resolve, except we depend on the grace of God; for if it were not for his mere grace, one might be a very good man one day, and a very wicked one the next.
Sabbath-day Jan. 6, at night. Much concerned about the improvement of precious time. Intend to live in continual mortification, without ceasing, as long as in this world.
Tuesday Jan. 8. in the mortiing. Higher thoughts than usual, of the excellency of Christ, and felt an unusual repentance of sin therefrom.
JVedncsday Jan. 9. at night. Decayed. I am sometimes apt to think, I have a great deal more of holiness than I have. I find now and then, that abominable corruption which is directly contrary to what I read of eminent Christians. — How deceitful is my heart! I take up a strong resolution, but how soon does it weaken!
Thursday., Jan. 10. about noon. Reviving. ‘Tis a great dishonour to Christ, in whom I hope I have an interest, to be uneasy at my worldly state and condition. When I see the prosperity of others, and that all things go easy with them; the world is smooth to them, and they are happy in many respects, and very prosperous, or are advanced to much honour, &c. to grudge and envy them, or be the least uneasy at it; to wish or long for the same prosperity, and that it would ever be so with me. Wherefore concluded always to rejoice in every one’s prosperity, and to expect for myself no happiness of that nature as long as I live; but depend upon afflictions, and betake myself entirely to another happiness.
I think I find myself much more sprightly and healthy, both in body and mind, for my self-denial in eating, drinking and sleeping.
I think it would be advantageous every morning to consider my, business and temptations: and what sins I shall be exposed to that day: and to make a resolution how to improve the day, and to avoid those sins. And so at the beginning of every week, month, and year.
I never k’^ v before what was meant by not setting our hearts upon ‘’ ‘”gs. ‘Tis not to care about them, to depend upon
theh u afflict ourselves much with fears of losing them, nor please ourselves with expectation of obtaining them, or hope of the continuance of them. At night made the 41st Resolution.
Saturday., Jan. 13. in the morning. I have this day sohnnnly roRpwed my baptisnjal covenant and self-dedication, which I renewed when I was received into the communion of the church. I have been before God; and have given myself, all that I am and have to God, so that I am not in any respect my own: I can challenge no right in myself, I can challenge no right in this understanding, this will, these affections that are in me; neither have I any right to this body, or any of its members: no right to this tongue, these hands, nor feet: no right to these senses, these eyes, these ears, this smell or taste. I have given myself clear away, and have not retained any thing as my own. I have been to God this morning, and told him that I gave myself wholly to him. I have given every power to him; so that for the future I will challenge no right in myself, in any respect. I have expressly promised him, and do now promise Almighty God, that by his grace I will not. I have this morning told him, that I did take him for my whole portion and felicity, looking on nothing else as any part of my happiness, nor acting as if it were; and his law for the constant rule of my obedience: and would tight with all my might against the world, the flesh, and the devil, to the end of my life. And did believe in Jesus Christ, and receive him as a prince and a saviour; and would adhere to the faith and obedience of the gospel, how hazardous and difficult soever the profession and practice of it may be. That I did receive the blessed Spirit as my teacher, sanctitier, and only comforter; and cherish all his motions to enlighten, purify, confirm, comfort, and assist me. This I have done. And I pray God, for the sake of Christ, to look upon it as a self-dedication; and to receive me now as entirely his own, and deal with me in all respects as such; whether he afilicts me or prospei-s me, or whatever he pleases to do with me, who am his. Now, henceforth I am not to act in any respect as my own. — I shall act as my own, if I ever make use of any of my powers to any thing that is not to the glory of God, and do not make the glorifying him my whole and entire business; if I murmur in the least at afflictions; if I grieve at the prosperity of others; if I am any way uncharitable; if I am angry because of injuries; if I revenge; if I do any thing, purely to please myself, or if I avoid any thing for the sake of my ease, if I omit any thing because it is great self-denial; if I trust to myself; if I take any of the praise of any good that I do, or rather God does by me; or if I am any way proud.
This day made the 42d and 43d Resolutions.
JMonday Jan. 14. The dedication I made of myself to my God, on Saturday last, has been exceeding useful to me. I thought 1 had a more spiritual insight into the scripture, reading the 8th chapter to the Romans, than ever in my life before.
Great instances of mortification are deep wounds given to the bodv of sin, hard blows that make him stagger and reel: we thereby get great ground and footing against him, — While we live without great instances of mortitication and self-denial, the old man keeps whereabouts he was; for he is sturdy and obstinate, and will not stir for small blows. After the greatest mortifications, I always find the greatest comfort.
Supposing there was never but one complete Christian, in all respects, of a right stamp, having Christianity shining in its true lustre, at a time in the world; resolved to act just as I would do if I strove with all my might to be that one, that should be in my time.
Tuesday Jan. 15. It seemed yesterday, the day before, and Saturday, that I should always retain the same resolutions to the same height; but alas! how soon do I decay! 0, how weak, how infirm, how unable to do any thing am I! What a poor, inconsistent, what a miserable wretch, without the assistance of God’s Spirit! While I stand, I am ready to think I stand in my own strength, and upon my own legs; and I am ready to triumph over my enemies, as if it were I myself that caused them to flee; when alas! I am but a poor infant, upheld by Jesus Christ; who holds me up, and gives me liberty to smile to see my enemies flee, when lie drives them before me; and so I laugh, as though I myself did it, when it is only Jesus Christ that leads me along, and fights himself against my enemies. And now the Lord has a little left me, and how weak do I find myself! 0! let it teach me to depend less on myself, to be more humble, and to give more of the praise of my ability to Jesus Christ. The heart of man is deceitful above all things, and desperately wicked, who can know it?
Saturday, Feb. 16. 1 do certainly know that I love holiness, such as the gospel requires.
At night. I have been negligent for the month past in these three things; I have not been watchful enough over my appetite in eating and drinking; in rising too late a-mornings; and in not applying myself with application enough to the duty of secret prayer.
Sabbath-day, Feb, 17. near sun-set. Renewedly promised, that I will accept of God, for my whole portion; and that I will be contented, whatever else I am denied. I will not murmur, nor be grieved, whatever prosperity, upon any account, I see others enjoy, and I am denied.
Saturday, March 2. O, how much pleasanter is humility than pride! 0, that God would fill me with exceeding great humility, and that he would evermore keep me from all pride! The pleasures of humility are really the most refined, inward, and exquisite delights in the world. How hateful Is a proud man! How hateful is a worm that lifts up itself with pride! What a foolish, silly, miserable, blind, deceived, poor worm am I, when pride works!
Wednesday, March 6. near sun-set. Felt the doctrines of election, free grace, and of our not being able to do any thing without the grace of God; and that holiness is entirely, throughout, the work of God’s S])irit, with more pleasure than before.
JVIonday morning, iHpr’d 1. I think it best not to allow myself to laugh at the faults, follies, and infirmities of others.
Saturday night, Jlpril 6. This week I found myself so far gone, that it seemed to me, that I should never recover more. Let God of his mercy return unto me, and no more leave me thus to sink and decay! I know, O Lord, that without thy help, I shall fall innumerable times, notwithstanding all my resolutions, how often soever repeated.
Saturday night, April 13. I could pray more heartily this night, for the forgiveness of my enemies, than ever before.
Wednesday, May 1. forenoon. Last night I came home, after my melancholy parting from New York,
I have always, in every different state of life I have, hitherto been in, thought the troubles and difficulties of that state to be greater than those of any other that I proposed to be in; and when I have altered with assurance of mending myself, I have still thought the same; yea, that the difficulties of that state are greater than those of that I left last. Lord, grant that from hence I may learn to withdraw my thoughts, aflections, desires, and expectations, entirely from the world, and may fix them upon the heavenly state; where there is fulness of joy; where reigns heavenly, sweet, calm, and delightful love without alloy; where there are continually the dearest expressions of this love; where there is the enjoyment of the persons loved, without ever parting; where those persons, who appear so lovely in this world, will really be inexpressibly more lovely, and full of love to us. How sweetly will the mutual lovers join together to sing the praises of God and the Lamb! How full will it fill us with joy to think, this enjoyment, these sweet exercises, will never cease or come to an end, but will last to all eternity.
Remember, after journeys, remo cs, overlurnings, and alterations in the state of my life, to refiect and consider, whether therein I have managed the best way possible, respecting my soul? and before such alterations, if foreseen, to resolve how to act.
Thursday, May 2. I think it a very good way to examine dreams elery morning when I awake, what are the nature, circumstances, principles, and ends of my imaginaiy actions and passions in them, to discern what are niv chief inclinations, &c.
LIFE OF EDWARDS. XVll
Saturday nighty May 4. Although I have in some measure subdued a disposition to chide and fret, yet I find a certain inclination, which is not agreeable to christian sweetness of temper and conversation: either by too much dogmaticalness, too much of the egotism; a disposition to be telling of my own dislike and scorn, and freedom from those that are innocent, yea common infirmities of men, and many other such like things. O that God would help me to discern all the flaws and defects of my temper and conversation, and help me in the difficult work of amending them; and that he would lill me so full of Christianity, that the foundation of all these disagreeable irregularities may be destroyed, and the contrary sweetnesses and beauties may of themselves naturally follow.
Sabbath-day May 5, in the morning. This day made the 47th Resolution.
Sabbath-day, May 12. I think I find in ray heart to be glad for the hopes I have, that my eternity is to be spent in spiritual and holy joys, arising from the manifestation of God’s love, and the exercise of holiness and a burning love to him.
Saturday night, May 18. I now plainly perceive what great obligations I am under to love and honour my parents. I have great reason to believe that their counsel and education have been my making; notwithstanding, in the time of it, it seemed to do me so little good. I have good reason to hope that their prayers for me have been in many things very powerful and prevalent; that God has in many things taken me under his care and guidance, provision and direction, in answer to their prayers for me. I was never made so sensible of it as now.
Wednesday, May 22, in the morning. Memorandum. To take special care of these following things: evil speaking, fretting, eating, drinking and sleeping, speaking simple verity, joining in prayer, slightiness in secret prayer, listlessness and negligence, and thoughts that cherish sin.
Saturday, May 25, in the morning. As I was this morning reading the 17th Resolution, it was suggested to me, that if I was now to die, I should wish that I had prayed more that God would make me knoAV my state, whether it be good or bad; and that I had taken more pains to see, and narrowly search into this matter. Wherefore, mem. for the future most nicely and diligently to look into our old divines’ opinions concerning conversion. Made the 48th Resolution.
Friday, .Time 1. Afternoon, I have abundant cause, 0 my merciful Father, to love thee ardently, and greatly to bless and praise thee, that thou hast heard me in my earnest request, and hast SO answered my prayer for mercy to keep from decay and sinking. O, graciously, of thy mere goodness, still continue to pity my misery, by reason of my sinfulness. 0, my Redeemer, I commit myself, together with my prayer and thanksgiving into thine hand.
nMondayJuly 1. Again confirmed by experience of the happy effects of strict temperance, with respect both to body and mind. Resolved for the future to observe rather more of meekness, moderation and temper in disputes.
Thursday, Jidy 18, near sun-set. Resolved to endeavour to make sure of that sign the apostle James gives of a perfect man, Jam. iii. 2, If any man offend not in word, the same is a perfect man, and able also to bridle the whole body.
Monday, July 22. I see there is danger of my being drawn into transgression, by the power of such temptations as fear of seeming uncivil, and of offending friends. Watch against it.
Tuesday, July 23. When I find those groanings which can not be uttered, the apostle speaks of; and those soul-breakings for the longing it hath, the psalmist speaks of, Psal. cxix. 20, to humour and promote them to the utmost in my power, and be not weary of earnestly endeavouring to vent my desires.
To count it all joy when I have occasion of great self-denial, because then I have a glorious opportunity of giving deadly wounds to the body of sin, and greatly confirming and establishing the new nature: to seek to mortify sin, and increase in holiness: these are the best opportunities, according to January 14.
To improve afflictions of all kinds as blessed opportunities of forcibly bearing on in my christian course, notwithstanding that which is so very apt to discourage me, and to damp the vigour of my mind, and to make me lifeless; also as opportunities of trusting and confiding in God, and getting a habit of that, according to the 57th resolution. As an opportunity of rending my heart off from the world, and setting it upon heaven alone. To improve them as opportunities to repent of, and bewail my sin, and abhor myself; and as a blessed opportunity to exercise patience; to trust in God, and divert my mind from the affliction, by fixing myself in religious exercises. Also, let me comfort myself, that it is the very nature of afflictions to make the heart better; and if I am made better by them, what need I be concerned, however grievious they seem for the present?
Friday afternoon, July 26. To be particularly careful to keep up inviolable, a trust and reliance, ease and entire rest in God, in all conditions, according to 57th Resolution; for this I have found to be wonderfully advantageous to me.
Mondmy July 29. When I am concerned how I shall perform any thing to public acceptance, to be very careful that I have it very clear to me, that I do what is duty and prudence in the matter,
Wednesday July 31. Never in the least to seek to hear sarcastical relations of others’ faults. Never to give credit to any thing said against others, except there is very plain reason for it; nor to behave in any respect the otherwise for it.
Wednesday Aug. 7. To esteem as some advantage, that the duties of religion are difficult, and that many difficulties are sometimes to be gone through in the way of duty. Religion is the sweeter; and what is gained by labour is abundantly more precious; as a woman loves her child the better for having brought it forth with travail. And even to Christ Jesus himself bis mediatorial glory, his victory and triumph, his kingdom which he hath obtained; how much more glorious is it, how much more excellent and precious, for his having wrought it out by such agonies!
Friday Aug. 9. One thing may be a good help towards thinking profitably in time of vacation is, when I light on a profitable thought that I can fix my mind on, to follow it as far as possiblj I can to advantage.
Sabbath-day., after meeting, Aug. 11. Resolved always to do that which I shall wish I had done when I see others do it. As for instance, sometimes I argue with myself, that such an act of good nature, kindness, forbearance, or forgiveness, &,c. is not my duty, because it will have such and such consequences; yet when I see others do it, then it appears amiable to me, and I wish I had done it; and I see that none of those feared inconveniencies follow,
Tuesday, Aug, 13.! find it would be very much to advantage to be thoroughly acquainted with the scriptures. When I am reading doctrinal books, or books of controversy, I can proceed with abundantly more confidence; can see upon what footing and foundation I stand.
Thursday, Aug. 29. The objection my corruptions make against doing whatever my hand finds to do with my might is that it is a constant mortification. Let this objection by no means ever prevail.
Monday, Sept. 2. There is much folly, when I am quite sure I am in the right, and others are positive in contradicting me, to enter into a vehement or long debate upon it.
Monday, Sept. 23. I observe that old men seldom have any advantage of new discoveries; because they are beside a way of XX Lll’L OF EDV/ARDfj.
thinking, they have been so long used to. Resolved, if ever live to 3’ears, that I will be impartial to hear the reasons of all pretended discoveries, and receive them, if rational, how long soever I have been used to another way of thinking.
Thursday, Oct. 18. To follow the exan)ple of Mr, B,
who, though he meets with great difficulties, yet undertakes them with a smiling countenance, as though he thought them but little; and speaks of them as if they were very small.
Thursday, JVov. 26. It is a most evil and pernicious practice in meditations or afflictions, to sit ruminating on the aggravations of the affliction, and reckoning up the evil, dark circumstances thereof, and dwelling long on the dark side; it doubles and trebles the affliction. And so when speaking of them together, to make them as bad as we can, and use our eloquence to set forth our ovn troubles, and are all the while making new trouble, and feeding and pampering the old; whereas the contrary practice would starve our afflictions. If we dwelt on the light side of things in our thoughts, and extenuated them all that possibly we could, when speaking of them, we should think little of them ourselves; and the affliction would really, in a great measure, vanish away.
Thursday night, Dec. 12. If at any time I am forced to tell others of that wdierein I think they are something to blame: for the avoiding the important evil that would otherwise ensue, not to tell it to them, so that there shall be a probability of their taking it as the effect of little fretting, angry emotions of mind.
Dec. 31. at night. Concluded never to suffer nor express any angry emotions of mind more or less except the honour of God calls for it, in zeal for him, or to preserve myself from being trampled on.
Wednesday, Jan. 1, 1523-4. Not to spend too much time in thinking even of important and necessary worldly business. To allow every thing its proportion of thought, according to its urgency and importance. /
Friday, Jan. 10. [After having wrote considerable in a shorthand, which he used when he would have what he wrote effectually concealed from every body but himself, he notes the following words in round hand], remember to act according to Prov. xii. 23, “A prudent man concealetb knowledge.”
Monday, Feb. 3. Let every thing have the value now, that it will have on a sick-bed: and frequently in my pursuits of whatever kind, let this come into my mind; “how much shall I value this on my death-bed?”
Wednesday, Feb. 5. Have not in time past, in my prayers, enough insisted upon the glorifying God in the world, and the ad-LIFE OF EDWARDS. XXl
vancement of the kingdom of Christ, the prosperity of the church, and the good of men. Determined that this objection is without weight, viz. that it is not likely that God will make great alterations in the whole world, and overturnings in kingdoms and nations, only for the prayers of one obscure person, seeing such things used to be done in answer to the united, earnest prayers of the whole church: and if my prayers should have some influence, it would be but imperceptible and small.
Thursday Feb. 6. More convinced than ever of the usefulness of a free religious conversation. I fnul by conversing on natural philosophy, I gain knowledge abundance faster, and see the reasons of things much clearer than in private study. Wherefore earnestly to seek at all times for religious conversation; ibr those that I can with profit and delight, and freedom so converse with.
Sabbath-day, Feb. 23. If I act according to my resolution, I shall desire riches no otherwise than as they are helpful to religion. But this I determine, as what is really evident from many parts of scripture, that to fallen man they have a greater tendency to hurt religion.
Saturday, May 23. How it comes about I know not; but I have remarked it hitherto, that at those times when I have read the scripture most, I have evermore been most lively, and in the best frame.
Saturday night, June 6. This week has been a remarkable week with me with respect to despondencies, fears, perplexities, multitudes of cares, and distraction of mind; being the week I came hither to New Haven, in order to entrance upon the office of tutor of the college. I have now abundant reason to be convinced of the troublesomeness and vexation of the world, and that it never will be another kind of world.
Tuesday, July 7. When I am giving the relation of a thing, to abstain from altering either in the matter or manner of speaking, so much, as that if every one afterward should alter as much, it would at last come to be properly false.
Tuesday, Sept. 2. By a sparingness in diet, and eating, as much as may be, what is light and easy of digestion, I shall doubtless be able to think clearer, and shall gain time. 1. By lengthening out my life. 2. Shall need less time for digestion after meals. 3. Shall be able to study closer without wrong to my health. 4. Shall need less time to sleep. 5. Shall seldom be troubled with the head-ache.
Sabbath-day, JVbr. 22. Considering that by-standers always espy some faults which we do not see ourselves, or at least are not so fullv sensible of: there are manv secret workings of corruption ‘3
XXll LIFE OF EDWARDS.
which escape our sight, and others only are sensible of: resolved therefore, that I will, if I can by any convenient means, learn what faults others find in me, or what things they see in me, that appear any way blame-worthy, unlovely, or unbecoming.
The foregoing extracts were wrote by Mr. Edwards in the twentieth and twenty-first years of his age, as appears by the dates. This being kept in mind, the judicious reader will make proper allowance for some things, which may appear a little juvenile, or like a young Christian, as to matter or manner of expression; which would not have been found, had it not tl9# been done in early life. Which, indeed are no blemishes, the whole being taken together: as by this it appears more natural, and the strength of his resolution and fervour of mind; and his skill and discerning in divine things, so seldom found even in old age, are the more striking. And in this view, we shall be led to admire his conscientious strictness, his zeal and painfulness, his experience and judgment in true religion, at so early an age. For here are not only the most convincing evidences of sincerity and thorough religion, of his engaging in a life devoted to God in good earnest, so as to make religion his only business; but through his great attention to this matter, he appears to have the judgment and experience of gray hairs.
This is the beginning of a life so eminently holy and useful as Mr. Edwards’s was. He who became one of the greatest divines in this age, has had the applause and admiration of America, Britain, Holland, and Germany, for his piety, and great judgment and skill in divinity; and has been honoured above most others in the christian world in this century, in his being made the instrument of doing so much good: he began his life thus: he entered on a public life with such views, such exercises, such resolutions.