Removal to England, 1829-1832
[bg now without any further difficulty obtained my
passport, I left Berlin on February yd, 1829, for London. The Lord gave me more grace on my way /rom Berlin than on my way to it; for my mouth was almost immediately opened to my fellow-travellers, and the message of the Gospel seemed to be listened to with interest, particularly by one. On February 5th I arrived at my father’s house; it was the place where I had lived as a boy, and the scene of many of my sins, my father having now returned to it after his retirement from office. I came to it with peculiar feelings. These feelings were not excited merely by the fact of my having been seven years absent from it, but arose from the spiritual change I had undergone since I last saw the place; for I had never been at Heimersleben since my father fetched me from thence, which was a few days after my imprisonment at Wollenbiittel had come to an end. ‘There were but three persons in the whole town with whom my soul had any fellowship. One of them had spent all his money in coal mines, and was then earning his daily bread by thrashing corn. As a boy I had in my heart laughed at him, for he seemed so different from all other people. Now I sought him out, having previously been informed that he was a believer, to acknowledge him as such, by having fellowship with him, and attending a meeting in his house on the Lord’s day evening. My soul was refreshed, and his also. Such a spiritual feast as meeting with a brother, was a rare thing to him. May we believers who live in Great Britain, and especially those of us who are surrounded by many children of God, seek for grace, more highly to prize the blessings which we enjoy through fellowship with brethren! This dear brother, who had then been a believer for more than twenty years, had only a few times heard the Gospel preached during all that period. What a wonderful thing that I, one of the vilest of those brought up in that small town, should have been so abundantly favoured, as to have been brought to the knowledge of the truth, whilst none of all my relations, and scarcely one of those who grew up with me, so far as it has come to my knowledge, know the Lord!
I left my father’s house on February 10th, with the prospect of seeing him again in about a iwelvemonth, as a missionary among the Jews.
About February 22nd I arrived at Rotterdam. I took
lodgings in the house of a believer, where two German brethren lodged, whom I had known at Halle, and who intended to go out aS Missionaries in connection with the Dutch Missionary Society. It was a peculiar feeling to me, for the first time in my life, to find myself among Christians of another nation, to attend their family prayer, hear them sing, etc. In spirit I had fellowship with them, though our communication was but broken, as/I understood but little of the Dutch language. Here also I heard for the first time the preaching of the Gospel in English, of which I knew enough to understand a part of what was said.
On March 19th, 1829, I landed in London. I now found myself, in a great measure, as regards liberty, brought back to the years when I was at school; yea, almost all the time I had been at school, and certainly for the last four years, previous to my coming to England, I was not so much bound to time and order as I was in this seminary; and had not there been a degree of grace in me, yea, so much as not to regard the liberty of the flesh, I should now probably have given up all idea of being a missionary to the Jews. But as I did not see that anything was expected from me which I could not conscientiously accede to, I thought it right to submit myself, for the Lord’s sake, to all the regulations of the institution.
My brethren in the seminary, most of them Germans, had instruction in Hebrew, Latin, Greek, French, German, etc., scarcely any of them having had a classical education; I read only Hebrew, and was exempted from all the rest. 1 remember how I longed to be able to expound the Scriptures in English, when I heard a German brother do so, a few days after my arrival. And I also remember what joy it gave me, when a few weeks alter, for the first time, I spoke in English to a little boy, whom I met alone in the fields, about his soul, thinking that he would bear with my broken English. — I now studied much, about twelve hours a day, chiefly Hebrew; commenced Chaldee; perfected myself in reading the German-Jewish in Rabbinic characters, committed portions of the Hebrew Old Testament to memory, etc., and this I did with prayer, often falling on my knees, leaving my books for a little, that I might seek the Lord’s blessing, and also, that I might be kept from that spiritual deadness, which is so frequently the result of much study. I looked up to the Lord even whilst turning over the leaves of my Hebrew dictionary, asking His help, that I might quickly find the words. I made comparatively little progress in English, for living with some of my countrymen, I was continually led to converse in German.
My experience in this particular leads me to remark, should this fall into the hands of any who are desirous to labour as missionaries among a people whose language is not their own, that they should seek not merely to live among them, for the sake of soon learning their language, but also, as much as possible, to be separated from those who speak their own language; for
when, some months alter, I was in Devonshire, completely separated from those who spoke German, I daily made much progress, whilst I made comparatively little in London.
Soon after my arrival in England, I heard one of the brethren in the seminary speak about a Mr. Groves, a dentist im Exeter, who, for the Lord’s sake, had given up his profession, which brought him in about fifteen hundred pounds a year, and who intended to go as a missionary to Persia, with his wife and children, simply trusting in the Lord for temporal supplies. This made such an impression on me, and delighted me so, that I not only marked it down in my journal, but also wrote about it to my German friends.
Illness.
I came to England weak in body, and in consequence of much study, as I suppose, I was taken ill on May 15th, and was soon, at least in my own estimation, apparently beyond recovery. The weaker I became in body, the happier I was in spirit. Never in my whole life had I seen myself so vile, so guilty, so altogether
‘what I ought not to have been, as at this time. It was as if every sin, of which I had been guilty, was brought to my remembrance; ‘but, at the same time, I could realise that all my sins were completely forgiven — that I was washed and made clean, completely clean, in the blood of Jesus. The result of this was, great peace. I longed exceedingly to depart and to be with Christ. When my medical attendant came to see me, my prayer was something like this: ‘‘ Lord, Thou knowest that ‘he does not know what is for my real welfare, therefore do Thou direct him.” When I took my medicine, my hearty prayer each time was something like this: “Lord, Thou knowest that this medicine is in itself nothing, no more than as if I were to take a little water. Now please, O Lord, to let it produce the effect which is for my real welfare, and for Thy glory. Let me either be taken soon to Thyself, or let me be soon restored; let me be ill for a longer time, and then taken to Thyself, or let me be ill for a longer time, and ‘then restored. Lord, do with me as seemeth Thee best!” One sin in particular was brought to my mind, which I had never seen before, viz., that whilst all my life, even in former sicknesses, I had been blessed with uninterrupted refreshing sleep, which now for some nights had almost entirely fled from my eyes, I had never heartily thanked God for it.
Visit to Teignmouth.
After I had been ill about a fortnight, my medical attendant unexpectedly pronounced me better. This, instead of giving me joy, bowed me down, so great was my desire to be with the Lord; though almost immediately afterwards grace was given me to submit myself to the will of God. After some days I was able to leave my room. Whilst recovering I still continued in
a spiritual state of heart, desiring to depart and to be with Christ. As I recovered but slowly, my friends entreated me to go into the country for change of air; but my heart was in such a happy and spiritual frame, that I did not like the thought of travelling and seeing places. So far was I changed, who once had been so passionately fond of travelling. But as my friends continued to advise me to go into the country, I thought at last that it might be the will of God that I should do so, and f prayed therefore thus to the Lord: “Lord, I will gladly submit myself to Thy will, and go if Thou wilt have me to go. And now let me know Thy will by the answer of my medical attendant. If, in reply to my question, he says it would be very good for me, I will go; but if he says it is of no great importance, then I will stay.” When I asked him, he said it was the best thing I could do. I was then enabled willingly to submit, and accordingly went to Teignmouth. It was there that I became acquainted with my beloved brother, friend, and fellow-labourer, Henry Craik.
A few days after my arrival at Teignmouth, the chapel, called Ebenezer, was re-opened, and I attended the opening. I was much impressed by one of those who preached on the occasion. For though I did not like all he said, yet I saw a gravity and solemnity in him different from the rest. After he had preached, Thad a great desire to know more of him; and being invited by two brethren from Exmouth, in whose house he was staying, to spend some time with them, I had an opportunity of living ten days with him under the same roof. Through the instrumentality of this brother the Lord bestowed a great blessing upon me, for which I shall have cause to thank Him throughout eternity.
Further Light on Gods Word.
I will mention some points which God then began to show me.
(1) That the Word of God alone is our standard of judgment in spiritual things; that it can be explained only by the Holy Spirit; and that in our day, as well as in former times, He is the teacher of His people. The result of this was, that the first evening that I shut myself into my room, to give myself to prayer and meditation over the Scriptures, I learned more in a few hours than I had done during a period of several months previously. But the particular difference was, that I received real strength for my soul in doing so. I now began to try by the test of the Scriptures the things which I had learned and seen, and found that only those principles which stood the test were really of value.
(2) Belore this period I had been much opposed to the doctrines of election, particular redemption, and final persevering grace. But now I was brought to examine these precious truths by the Word of God. Being made ‘willing to’have ‘no glory of my own in the conversion of sinners, but to consider myself merely an instrument; and being made willing to receive what the Scriptures o said, I went to the Word, reading the New Testament from the beginning, with a particular reference to these truths. To my great astonishment I found that the passages which speak decidedly for election and persevering grace, were about four times as many as those which speak apparently against these truths; and even those few, shortly after, when I had examined and understood them, served to confirm me in the above doctrines. As to the effect which my belief in these doctrines had on me, lam constrained to state for God’s glory, that though I am still exceedingly weak, and by no means so dead to the lusts of the flesh, and the lust of the eyes, and the pride of life, as I might be, and as I ought to be, yet, by the grace of God, I have walked more closely with Him since that period. My life has not been so variable, and I may say that I have lived much more for God than before.
(3) Another truth, into which, in a measure, I was led during my stay in Devonshire, respected the Lord’s coming. I had believed what others told me, without trying it by the Word. I thought that things were getting better and better, and that soon the whole world would be converted. But now I found in the Word, that we have not the least scriptural warrant to look for the conversion of the world before the return of our Lord. I found in the Scriptures, that what will usher in the glory of the church, and uninterrupted joy to the saints, is the return of the Lord Jesus, and that, till then, things will be more or less in confusion. I found in the Word that the return of Jesus, and not death, was the hope of the apostolic Christians; and that it became me, therefore, to look for His appearing. And this truth entered so into my heart, that, though I went into Devonshire exceedingly weak, scarcely expecting that I should return again to London, yet I was immediately, on seeing this truth, brought off from looking for death, and was made to look for the return of the Lord. Having seen this truth, the Lord also graciously enabled me to apply it, in some measure at least, to my own heart, and to put the solemn question to myself: What may I do for the Lord, before He returns, as He may soon come?
(4) In addition to these truths, it pleased the Lord to lead me to see a higher standard of devotedness than I had seen before. He led me, in a measure, to see what is my true glory in this world, even to be despised, and to be poor and mean with Christ. I saw then, in a measure, though I have seen it more fully since, that it ill becomes the servant to seek to be rich, and great, and honoured in that world, where his Lord was poor and despised.
My prayer had been, before I left London, that the Lord would be pleased to bless my journey to the benefit of my body and soul. This prayer was answered in both respects; for in the beginning of September I returned to London much better in body; and, as to my soul, the change was so great, that it was like a second conversion.
Return to London — Work in the Seminary.
After my return to London, I sought to benefit my brethren in the seminary, and the means which I used were these. I proposed to them to meet together every morning from six to eight for prayer and reading the Scriptures, and that then each of us should give out what he might consider the Lord had shown him to be the meaning of the portion read. One brother in particular was brought into the same state as myself, and others I trust, were more or less benefited. Several times, when I went to my room after family prayer in the evening, I found communion with God so sweet, that I continued in prayer till after twelve, and then, being full of joy, went into the room of the brother just referred to; and, finding him also in a similar frame of heart, we continued praying until one or two; and even then I was a few times so full of joy, that I could scarcely sleep, and at six in the morning again called the brethren together for prayer.
All this time I was not idle as regards the Lord’s work, as I will now show. After I had been for about ten days in London, and had been confined to the house on account of my studies, my health began again to decline, and I saw that it would not be well, my poor body being only like a wreck or brand brought out of the devil’s service, to spend my little remaining strength in study, but that I now ought to set about actual engagements in the Lord’s work, particularly as He had now given me more light about His truth, and also a heart to serve Him. I consequently wrote to the committee of the Society, requesting them to send me out at once, as they had now had an opportunity of knowing me; and that they might do so with more confidence, to send me as a fellow-labourer to an experienced brother. However, I received no answer.
Doubts about Working for the Jewish Society.
After having waited about five or six weeks, in the meantime seeking in one way or other to labour for the Lord, it struck me that I was wrong and acting unscripturally, in waiting for the appointment to missionary work from my fellow-men; but that, considering myself called by the Lord to preach the Gospel, I ought to begin at once to labour among the Jews in London, whether I had the title of missionary or not. In consequence of this I distributed tracts among the Jews, with my name and residence written on them, thus inviting them to conversation about the things of God; preached to them in those places where they most numerously collect together; read the Scriptures regularly with about fifty Jewish boys; and became a teacher in a Sunday school. In this work I had much enjoyment, and the honour of being reproached and ill-treated for the name of Jesus. But the Lord gave me grace, never to be kept from the work by any danger, or the prospect of any suffering.
My light increased more and more, so that at the end of November it became a point of solemn consideration with me whether I could remain connected with the Society in the usual way. My chief objections were these: (1) If I were sent out by the Society it was more than probable, yea, almost needful, if I were to leave England, that I should labour on the Continent, as I was unfit to be sent to eastern countries on account of my health, which would probably have suffered, both on account of the climate, and of my having to learn other languages. Now, if I did go to the Continent, it was evident that without ordination I could not have any extensive field of usefulness, as unordained ministers are generally prevented from labouring freely there; but I could not conscientiously submit to be ordained by unconverted men, professing to have power to set me apart for the ministry, or to communicate something to me for this work which they do not possess themselves. Besides this, I had other objections to being connected with any state church or national religious establishment, which arose from the increased light which I had obtained through the reception of this truth, that the Word of God is our only standard, and the Holy Spirit our only teacher. For as I now began to compare what I knew of the establishment in England and those on the Continent, with this only true standard, the Word of God, I found that all establishments, even because they are establishments, i.e. the world and the church mixed up together, not only contain in them the principles which necessarily must lead to departure from the Word of God, but also, as long as they remain establishments, entirely preclude the acting throughout according to the Holy Scriptures. — Then again, if 1 were to stay in England, the Society would not allow me to preach in any place indiscriminately, where the Lord might open a door for me; and to the ordination of English bishops I had still greater objections than to the ordination of a Prussian Consistory. (2) I further had a conscientious objection to being led and directed by men in my missionary labours. As a servant of Christ, it appeared to me I ought to be guided by the Spirit, and not by men, as to time and place; and this I would say, with aJl deference to others, who may be much more taught, and much more spiritually minded than myself. A servant of Christ has but one Master. (3) I had love for the Jews, and I had been enabled to give proofs of it; yet T could not conscientiously say, as the committee would expect from me, that I would spend the greater part of my time only among them. For the scriptural plan seemed to me, that, in coming to a place, L should seek out the Jews, and commence my labour particularly among them; but that, if they rejected the Gospel, I should go to the nominal Christians The more I weighed these points, the more it appeared to me that I should be acting hypocritically, were I to suffer them to remain in my mind, without making them known to the committee.
Severs his Connection with the Society.
The question that next occurred to me was, how I ought to act if not sent out by the Society. With my views I could not return to Prussia; for I must either refrain from preaching, or imprisonment would be the result. The only plan that presented itself to me was, that [ should go from place to place throughout England, as the Lord might direct me, and give me opportunity, preaching wherever I went, both among Jews and nominal Christians. To this mode of service I was especially stirred up through the recently received truth of the Lord’s second coming, having it impressed upon my heart to seek to warn sinners, and to stir up the saints, as He might soon come. At the same time it appeared to me well, that I should do this in connection with the Society for promoting Christianity among the Jews, serving them without any salary, provided they w ould accept me on these conditions.
There remained now only one point more to be settled: how I should do for the future as regards the supply of my temporal wants, which naturally would have been a great obstacle, especially as I was not only a foreigner, but spoke so little English, that whilst I was greatly assisted in expounding the Scriptures, it was with difficulty I could converse about common things. On this point, however, [had no anxiety; for I considered that, as long as I really sought to serve the Lord, that is, as long as I sought “the kingdom of God and His righteousness,” my temporal supplies would be added to me. The Lord most mercifully enabled me to take the promises of His Word, and rest upon them, and such as Matthew vil. 7, 8, John xiv. 13, 14, Matthew vi. 25-34, were the stay of my soul concerning this point. In addition to this, the example of brother Groves, the dentist before alluded to, who gave up his profession and went out as a missionary, was a great encouragement to me. For the news, which by this time had arrived, of how the Lord had aided him, strengthened my faith.
At last, on December 12th, 1829, I came to the conclusion to dissolve my connection with the Society, if they would not accept my services under the above conditions, and to go throughout the country preaching (being particularly constrained to do so from a desire to serve the Lord as much as in me lay, BEFORE Hts RETURN), and to trust in Him for the supply of my temporal wants. Yet at the same time it appeared well to me to wait a month longer, and to consider the matter still further, before I wrote to the committee, that I might be sure I had weighed it fully.
On December 24th I went to the Church Missionary Institution at Islington, in the hope of benefiting the students there, if it were the Lord’s will. I returned very happy, as I almost invariably was at that time, and went to bed full of joy. Next morning (being that of Christmas day), I awoke ina very different
state of heart from what I had experienced for many weeks past. Thad no enjoyment, and felt cold and lifeless in prayer. At our usual morning meeting, however, one of the brethren exhorted me to continue to pray, saying that the Lord surely would again smile on me, though now for a season, for wise purposes, He seemed to have withdrawn Himself. I did so. At the Lord’s table, in the morning, a measure of enjoyment returned. Afterwards my former enjoyment gradually returned. Towards evening the Lord gave me an opportunity of speaking about His return, and I had great enjoyment in doing so. At eight o’clock I was asked to expound at family-prayer, and was much assisted by the Lord. About half-an-hour after the exposition was over, I was requested to come out of the room to see one of the servants, and the mother of another of the servants, who had been present at family-prayer. I found them in tears, and both deeply impressed, and under concern about their souls. I then went home, at least as happy as on the previous evening. I have related this circumstance, because I am aware that it is a common temptation of Satan to make us give up the reading of the Word and prayer when our enjoyment is gone; as if it were of no use to read the Scriptures when we do not enjoy them, and as if it were of no use to pray when we have no spirit of prayer; whilst the truth is, in order to enjoy the Word, we ought to continue to read it, and the way to obtain a spirit of prayer, is, to continue praying; for the less we read the Word of God, the less we desire to read it, and the less we pray, the less we desire to pray.
On December 30th, I left London for Exmouth, where I intended to spend my vacation in the house of my Christian friends, who had kindly lodged me the summer before, that I might preach there during this fortnight, and still move fully weigh the matter respecting my proposal to the Society. I arrived at Exmouth at six in the evening, an hour before the commencement of a prayer-meeting at Ebenezer Chapel. My heart was burning with a desire to tell of the Lord’s goodness to my soul, and to speak forth what I considered might not be known to most with whom I met. Being, however, not called on, either to speak or pray, I was silent. The next morning I. spoke on the difference between being a Christian and a happy Christian, and showed, whence it generally comes, that we rejoice so little in the Lord. This my first testimony was blessed to many believers, that God, as it appears, might show me that He was with me. It proved a blessing to a Christian woman, who had been for ten years in bondage, and who, in the providence of God, had been brought from Exeter to be present that morning.
1830. During the first days of January, whilst at Exmouth,
it became more and more clear to me, that I could not be connected with the Society under the usual conditions; and as I had an
abundance of work where I was, and little money to spend in travelling (for all I possessed was about five pounds), it appeared best to me to write at once to the Committee, that, whilst they were coming to a decision respecting me, I might continue to preach. I therefore wrote to them, stating what had been my views before I became acquainted with them, and what they were now. I also stated my difficulty in remaining connected with them on the usual terms, as stated in substance above; and then concluded, that as, however, I owed them much, as having been instrumental in bringing me to England, where the Lord had blessed me so abundantly: and as I, also, should like to obtain from them the Hebrew Scriptures and tracts for the Jews, I would gladly serve them without any salary, if they would allow me to labour in regard to time and place as the Lord might direct me. Some time after I received a very kind private letter from one of the secretaries, who always had been very kind to me, together with the following official communication from the cominittee.
“London Society for promoting Christianity amongst the Jews.
“Ata meeting of the Missionary Sub-Committee, held January 27, 1830, Society House, 10, Wardrobe Place, Doctors’ Commons, a Letter was read from Mr. G. F. Müller.
“Resolved, That Mr. Müller be informed, that while the committee cordially rejoice in any real progress in knowledge and grace which he may have made under the teaching of the Holy Spirit, they, nevertheless, consider it inexpedient for any society to employ those who are unwilling to submit themselves to their guidance with respect to missionary operations; and that while, therefore, Mr. Müller holds his present opinions on that point, the committee cannot consider him as a missionary student; but should more mature reflection cause him to alter that opinion, they will readily enter into further communication with him.”
Thus my connection with the Society was entirely dissolved. Sixty-five years have passed away since, and I never have, even for one single moment, regretted the step I took; but have to be sorry, that I have been so little grateful for the Lord’s goodness to me in that matter. The following part of this book will prove to the enlightened reader, how God blessed my acting out the light He had been pleased to give me. But I cannot leave this subject, without adding, that it is far from my intention to throw any blame upon the Society. I have no wish to do so; nay, I confess, were the last-mentioned circumstances not so intimately connected with my being in England, I would rather have left out the matter altogether. But being under the necessity of saying something about my connection with it, it appeared best to me to relate the circumstances just as they were.
Re-vistis Teignmouth.
After I had preached about three weeks at Exmouth and its neighbourhood, I went to Teignmouth, with the intention of ° staying there ten days, to preach the Word among the brethren with whom I had become acquainted during the previous summer, and thus to tell them of the Lord’s goodness to me. One of the brethren said almost immediately on my arrival at Teignmouth, I wish you would become our minister, as the present one is going to leave us. My answer was, I do not intend to be stationary in any place, but to go through the country, preaching the Word as the Lord may direct me. On the Monday evening, I preached for brother Craik, at Shaldon, in the presence of three ministers, none of whom liked the sermon; yet it pleased God, through it, to bring to the knowledge of His dear Son a young woman who had been servant to one of these ministers, and who had heard her master preach many times. How differently does the Lord judge from man! Here was a particular opportunity for the Lord to get glory to Himself. A foreigner was the preacher, with great natural obstacles in the way, for he was not able. to speak English with fluency; but he had a desire to serve God, and was by this time also brought into such a state of heart as to desire that God alone should have the glory, if any good were done through his instrumentality. How often has it struck me, both at that time and since, that His strength was made perfect in my weakness.
On Tuesday evening I preached at Ebenezer Chapel, Teignmouth, the same chapel at the opening of which I became acquainted with the brother whom the Lord had afterwards used as an instrument of benefiting me so much. My preaching was also disliked there by many of the hearers; but the Lord opened the hearts of a few to receive the truth, and another young woman was brought to the Lord through the instrumentality of the Word then preached. On Wednesday I preached again in the same chapel, and the Word was disliked still, perhaps more, though the few who received the truth in the love of it, increased in number. On Thursday I preached again at Shaldon, and on Friday at Teignmouth. The effect was the same; dislike on the one side, and joy and delight in the truth on the other. By this time I began to reflect about the cause of this opposition; for the same brethren who had treated me with much kindness the previous summer, when I was less spiritually minded, and understood much less of the truth, now seemed to oppose me, and I could not explain it in any other way than this, that the Lord intended to work through my instrumentality at Teignmouth, and that therefore Satan, fearing this, sought to raise opposition.
On the Lord’s day I preached three times; so powerfully did I feel the importance of those precious truths I had so recently learned, that I longed to be instrumental in communicating them to others.
Settles in Teignmouth.
By this time the request that I would stay at Teignmouth, and be the minister of the above chapel, had been repeatedly expressed by an increasing number of the brethren; but others were decidedly against my remaining there. This opposition was instrumental in settling my mind that I should stay for a while, at least until I was formally rejected. In consequence of this conclusion I took the following step, which, it may be, I should not repeat under similar circumstances, but which was certainly taken in love to those who were concerned in the matter, and for the glory of God, as far as I then had light.
On the Tuesday following, after preaching, I told the brethren how, in the providence of God, I had been brought to them without the least intention of staying among them, but that, on finding them without a minister, I had been led to see it to be the will of God to remain with them. TI also told them, as far as I remember, that I was aware of the opposition of some, but that I nevertheless intended to preach to them till they rejected me; and if they should say I might preach, but they would give me no salary, that would make no difference on my part, as I did not preach for the sake of money; but I told them at the same time, that it was an honour to be allowed to supply the temporal wants of any of the servants of Christ.
I preached again three times on the Lord’s day, none saying we wish you not to preach, though many of the hearers did not hear with enjoyment. Some of them left, and never returned; some left, but returned after a while. Others came to the chapel, who had not been in the habit of attending there previous to my coming. ‘There was sufficient proof that the work of God was going on, for there were those who were glad to hear what 1 preached, overlooking the infirmities of the foreigner, delighting in the food for their souls, without caring much about the form in which the truth was set before them; and these were not less spiritual than the rest: and there were those who objected decidedly; some, however, manifesting merely the weakness of brethren, and others the bitterness of the opposers of the cross. There was, in addition to this, a great stir, a spirit of enquiry, and a searching of the Scriptures, whether these things were so. And what is more than all, God set His seal upon the work, in converting sinners. Twelve weeks I stood in this same position, whilst the Lord graciously supplied my temporal wants, through two brethren, unasked for. After this time, the whole little church, eighteen in number, unanimously gave me an invitation to become their pastor. My answer to them was, that their invitation did not show me more than I had seen before, that it was the will of God that I should remain with them, yet that for their sakes I could not but rejoice in this invitation, as it was a proof to me that God had blessed them through my instrumentality in making them thus of one mind. I also expressly stated ‘
to the brethren, that I should only stay so long with them as I saw it clearly to be the will of the Lord; for I had not given up my intention of going from place to place, if the Lord would allow me to do so. The brethren, at the same time, now offered to supply my temporal wants, by giving me £55 a year, which sum was afterwards somewhat increased, on account of the increase of the church.
Hints on Preparation for Preaching.
That which I now considered the best mode of preparation for the public ministry of the Word, from deep conviction, and from the experience of God’s blessing upon it, is as follows: I ask the Lord that He would graciously be pleased to teach me on what subject I shall speak, or what portion of His Word I shall expound. Sometimes it happens that a subject, or a passage, has been in my mind; in that case I ask Him whether I should speak on it. If after prayer I feel persuaded that I should, I fix upon it, yet so that I would desire to leave myself open to the Lord to change it, if He please. Frequently, however, it occurs that I have no text or subject in my mind before I give myself to prayer. In this case I wait some time for an answer, trying to listen to the voice of the Spirit to direct me. If then a passage or subject is brought to my mind, I again ask Him, and that sometimes repeatedly, whether it be His will T should speak on it. Frequently it happens that I not only have no text or subject, but also do not obtain one alter once or twice, or more times, praying about it. What I do is to go on with my regular reading of the Scriptures, praying whilst I read, for a text. I have even had to go to the place of meeting without a text, and obtained it perhaps only a few minutes before I was going to speak; but I have never lacked the Lord’s assistance at the time of preaching, provided I had earnestly sought it in private.
Now when the text has been obtained, whether it be one or two or more verses, or a whole chapter, I ask the Lord that He would graciously be pleased to teach me by His Holy Spirit, whilst meditating over it. Within the last sixty-three years (1895) I have found it the most profitable plan to meditate with my pen in my hand, writing down the outlines, as the Word is opened to me. This I do for the sake of clearness, as being a help to see how far I understand the passage. I very seldom use any other help besides the little I understand of the original of the Scriptures, and some good translations in other languages. My chief help is prayer. I have never in my life begun to study one single part of divine truth without gaining some light about it, when I have been able really to give myself to prayer and meditation over it. This I most firmly believe, that no one ought to expect to see much good resulting from his labours if he is not much given to prayer and meditation.
That which I have found most beneficial in the public ministry of the Word, is expounding the Scriptures. This may be done in a twofold way, either by entering minutely into the bearing of every point occurring in the portion, or by giving the general outlines, and thus leading the hearers to see the meaning and connection of the whole. The benefits which I have seen resulting from eapounding are these: (1) The hearers are thus, with God’s blessing, led to the Scriptures. This induces them to bring their Bibles, and I have observed that those who at first did not bring them, have afterwards been induced to do so; so that in a short time few were in the habit of coming without them. This is no small matter; for everything which in our day will lead believers to value the Scriptures is of importance. (2) The eapounding of the Scriptures is in general more beneficial to the hearers than if, on a single verse, or half a verse, or two or three words of a verse, some remarks are made, so that the portion of Scripture is scarcely anything but a motto for the subject. (3) The expounding of the Scriptures leaves to the hearers a connecting link, so that the reading over again the portion of the Word which has been expounded, brings to their remembrance what has been said; and thus, with God’s blessing, leaves a more lasting impression on their minds. Expounding the Word of God brings little honour to the preacher from the unenlightened or careless hearer, but it tends much to the benefit of the hearers in general.
Simplicity of expression, whilst the truth is set forth, is of the utmost importance. It should be the aim of the teacher so to speak, that children, servants, and people who cannot read may be able to understand him, so far as the natural mind can comprehend the things of God. It should also be considered, that if the preacher strive to speak according to the rules of this world, he may please many, particularly those who have a literary taste, but in the same proportion he is less likely to become an instrument in the hands of God for the conversion of sinners or for the building up of the saints. For neither eloquence, nor depth of thought make the truly great preacher, but such a life of prayer, and meditation, and spirituality, as may render him ‘a vessel meet for the Master’s use,’ and fit to be employed both in the conversion of sinners and in the edification of the saints.
Baptism.
About the beginning of April I went to preach at Sidmouth. While I was staying there, three sisters in the Lord had, in my presence, a conversation about baptism, one of whom had been baptized after she had believed. When they had conversed a little on the subject, I was asked to give my opinion concerning it. My reply was, “I do not think that I need to be baptized again.” I was then asked by the sister who had been baptized, “But have you been baptized?” I answered, “Yes, when I was a child.” She then replied, “‘ Have you ever read the Scriptures, and prayed with reference to this subject?” I answered, “No.” ‘“* Then,” she said, “I entreat you never to speak any more about it till you have done so.” It pleased the Lord to show me the importance of this remark; for whilst at that very time I was exhorting every one to receive nothing which could not be proved by the Word of God, I had repeatedly spoken against believers’ baptism, without having ever earnestly examined the Scriptures, or prayed concerning it; and now I determined, if God would help me, to examine that subject also, and if infant baptism were found to be scriptural, I would earnestly defend it; and if believers’ baptism were right, 1 would as strenuously defend that, and be baptized.
As soon as I had time, I set about examining the subject. The mode I adopted was as follows: I repeatedly asked God to teach me concerning it, and I read the New Testament from the beginning, with a particular reference to this point. But now, when I earnestly set about the matter, a number of objections presented themselves to my mind.
(1) Since many holy and enlightened men have been divided in opinion concerning this point, does this not prove that it is not to be expected we should come to a satisfactory conclusion about this question in the present imperfect state of the church? — This question was thus removed: If this ordinance is revealed in the Bible, why may I not know it, as the Holy Spirit is the teacher in the church of God now as well as formerly? (2) There have been but few of my friends baptized, and the greater part of them are opposed to believers’ baptism, and they will turn their backs on me. Answer: Though all men should forsake me, if the Lord Jesus takes me up, I shall be happy. (3) You will be sure to lose one half of your income if you are baptized. Answer: As long as I desire to be faithful to the Lord, He will not suffer me to want. (4) People will call you a Baptist, and you will be reckoned among that body, and you cannot approve of all that is going on among them. Answer: It does not follow that I must in all points go along with all those who hold believers’ baptism, although I should be baptized. (5) You have been preaching for some years, and you will have thus publicly to confess, that you have been in an error, should you be led to see that believers’ baptism is right. Answer: It is much better to confess that I have been in error concerning that point than to continue in it. (6) Even if believers’ baptism should be right, yet it is now too late to attend to it, as you ought to have been baptized immediately on believing. Answer: It is better to fulfil a commandment of the Lord Jesus ever so late, than to continue in the neglect of it.
It had pleased God in His abundant mercy, to brig my mind into such a state, that I was willing to carry out into my life whatever I should find in the Scriptures concerning this ordinance,
either the one way or the other. I could say, “I will do His will,” and it was on that account, I believe, that I soon saw which “doctrine is of God.” And I would observe here, by the way, that the passage to which I have just now alluded, John yank, Us has been a most remarkable comment to me on many doctrines and precepts of our most holy faith. For instance: “Resist not evil: but whosoever shall smite thee on thy right cheek, turn to him the other also. And if any man will sue thee at the law, and take away thy coat, let him have thy cloak also. And whosoever shall compel thee to go a mile, go with him twain. Give to him that asketh thee, and from him that would borrow of thee turn not thou away. Love your enemies, bless them that curse you, do good to them that hate you, and pray for them which despitefully use you, and persecute you.” Matthew v. 39-44. “Sell that ye have, and give alms” Luke xii. 33. “Owe no man anything, but to love one another? Romans xiii. 8. It may be said, surely these passages cannot be taken literally, for how then would the people of God be able to pass through the world. The state of mind enjoined in John vii. 17, will cause such objections to vanish. WHOSOEVER IS WILLING To Act our these commandments of the Lord LITERALLY, will, I believe, be led with me to see that, to take them LITERALLY is the will of God — Those who do so take them will doubtless often be brought into difficulties, hard to the flesh to bear, but these will have a tendency to make them constantly feel that they are strangers and pilgrims here, that this world is not their home, and thus to throw them more upon God, who will assuredly help us through any difficulty into which we may be brought by seeking to act in obedience to His Word.
As soon as I was brought into this state of heart, I saw from the Scriptures that believers only are the proper subjects for baptism, and that immersion is the only true Scriptural mode in which it ought to be attended to. The passage which particularly convinced me of the former is Acts viii. 36-38, and of the latter, Romans vi. 3-5. Some time after, I was baptized. I had much peace in doing so, and never have I for one single moment regretted it.
In June of this year (1830) I went to preach at the opening of a chapel in a village near Barnstaple, built by that blessed man of God, Thomas Pugsley, now with the Lord. It pleased God to bring two souls to Himself through this my visit, and one more was converted on another visit. So graciously did the Lord condescend to use me, that almost everywhere He blessed the Word which I preached, thereby testifying that He had sent me, and thereby also getting glory to Himself in using such an instrument.
Breaking Bread.
During this summer also it appeared to me scriptural, according to the example of the Apostles (Acts xx. 7), to break bread every Lord’s-day, though there is no commandment given to do so, either by the Lord, or by the Holy Ghost through the Apostles. And at the same time it appeared to me scriptural, according to Eph. iv., Rom. xu., etc., that there should be given room for the Holy Ghost to work through any of the brethren whom He pleased to use; that thus one member might benefit the others with the gift which the Lord has bestowed upon him. Accordingly at certain meetings any of the brethren had an opportunity to exhort or teach the rest, if they considered that they had anything to say which might be beneficial to the hearers. I observe here, that, as the Lord gave me grace to endeavour at once to carry out the light which He had been pleased to give me on this point, and as the truth was but in part apprehended, there was much infirmity mixed with the manner of carrying it out. Nor was it until several years after that the Lord was pleased to teach me about this point more perfectly. That the disciples of Jesus should meet together on the first day of the week for the breaking of bread, and that that should be their principal meeting, and that those, whether one or several, who are truly gifted by the Holy Spirit for service, be it for exhortation, or teaching, or rule, etc., are responsible to the Lord for the exercise of their gifts: these are to me no matters of uncertainty, but points on which my soul, by grace, is established, through the revealed will of God. Marries Miss Grroves.
On October 7th, 1830, I was united by marriage to Miss Mary Groves, sister of the brother whose name has already been mentioned. This step was taken after prayer and deliberation, from a full conviction that it was better for me to be married: and I have never regretted since, either the step itself, or the choice, but desire to be truly grateful to God for having given me such a wife.
Gives up Stated Salary.
About this time I began to have conscientious objections against any longer receiving a stated salary. My reasons against it were these : —
(1) The salary was made up by pew-rents; but pew-rents are, according to James ii. 1-6, against the mind of the Lord, as, in general, the poor brother cannot have so good a seat as the rich. All pew-rents were therefore given up, and all the seats made free, which was stated at the entrance of the chapel. (2) A brother may gladly do something towards my support if left to his own time; but when the quarter is up, he has perhaps other expenses, and I do not know, whether he pays his money grudgingly, and of necessity, or cheerfully; but “‘ God loveth a cheerful gwer.” Nay, I knew it to be a fact that sometimes it had not been convenient to individuals to pay the money, when it had been asked for by the brethren who collected it. (3) Though the Lord
had been pleased to give me grace to be faithful, so that I had been enabled not to keep back the truth, when He had shown it to me, still I felt that the pew rents were a snare to the servant of Christ. It was a temptation to me, at least for a few minutes, at the time when the Lord had stirred me up to pray and search the Word respecting the ordinance of baptism, because £30 of my salary was at stake, if I should be baptized.
For these reasons I stated to the brethren, at the end of October, 1830, that I should for the future give up having any regular salary. A box was put up in the chapel, over which was written, that whoever had a desire to do something towards my support, might put his offering into the box.
At the same time it appeared to me right, that henceforth I should ask no man, not even my beloved brethren and sisters, to help me, as I had done a few times according to their own request, as my expenses, on account of travelling much in the Lord’s service, were too great to be met by my usual income. For unconsciously I had thus again been led, in some measure, to trust in an arm of flesh; goig to man instead of going to the Lord at once. ‘o come to this conclusion before God, required more grace than to give up my salary.
About the same time also my wife and I had grace given to us to take the Lord’s commandment, “Sell that ye have, and give alms” (Luke xii. 33), literally, and to carry it out. Our staff and support in this matter were Matthew vi. 19-34, John xiv. 13, 14. We leaned on the arm of the Lord Jesus. (It is now sixty-four years since we set out in this way, and we do not in the least regret the step we then took. Our God also has, in His tender mercy, given us grace to abide in the same mind concerning the above points, both as regards principle and practice; and this has been the means of letting us see the tender love and care of our God over His children, even in the most minute things, in a way in which we never experimentally knew them before; and it has, in particular, made the Lord known to us more fully than we knew Him before, as a prayer-hearing God. As I have written down how the Lord has been pleased to deal with us since, I shall be able to relate some facts concerning this matter, as far as they may tend to edification.)
Financial Trials and Deliverances.
Nov. 18th, 1830. — Our money was reduced to about eight shillings. When I was praying with my wile in the morning, the Lord brought to my mind the state of our purse, and I was led to ask Him for some money. About four hours alter, we were with a sister at Bishopsteignton, and she said to me, “Do you want any money?” JI said, “I told the brethren, dear sister, when I gave up my salary, that I would for the future tell the Lord only about my wants.” She replied, “But He has told me to give you some money. About a fortnight ago I asked
Him what I should do for Him, and He told me to give you some money; and last Saturday it came again powerfully to my mind, and has not left me since, and I felt it so forcibly last night that I could not help speaking of it to Brother P.” My heart rejoiced, seeing the Lord’s faithfulness, but I thought it better not to tell her about our circumstances, lest she should be influenced to give accordingly; and I also was assured that, if it were of the Lord, she could not but give. I therefore turned the conversation to other subjects, but when I left she gave me two guineas. We were full of joy on account of the goodness of the Lord — I would call upon the reader to admire the gentleness of the Lord, that He did not try our faith much at the commencement, but gave us first encouragement, and allowed us to see His willingness to help us, before He was pleased to try it more fully.
In the commencement of December I went to Collumpton, where I preached several times, and likewise in a neighbouring village. In driving home from the village late at night, our driver lost his way. As soon as we found out our mistake, being then near a house, it struck me that the hand of God was in this matter; and having awakened the people of the house, I offered a man something if he would be kind enough to bring us into the right road. I now walked with the man before the gig, and conversed with him about the things of God, and soon found out that he was an awiul backslider. May God, in mercy, bless the word spoken to him, and may we learn from this circumstance, that we have to ask, on such occasions, why the Lord has allowed such and such things to happen to us. (One day, about eight years after this circumstance happened, the individual who drove me that night introduced himself to me as a believer, and told me that on that evening he received his first impressions under the preaching of the Word.) May I and my fellow-labourers in the Gospel be encouraged by this, patiently to continue to sow the seed, though only after eight years or more we should see the fruit of it.
Between Christmas and the New Year, when our money was reduced toa few shillings, I asked the Lord for more; when a few hours after there was given to us a sovereign by a brother from Axminster. This brother had heard much against me, and was at last determined to hear for himself, and thus came to Teignmouth, a distance of forty miles; and, having heard about our manner of living, gave us this money.
With this closes the year 1830. Throughout it the Lord richly supplied all my temporal wants, though at the commencement of it I had no certain human prospect of one single shilling; so that, even as regards temporal things, I had not been in the smallest degree a loser in acting according to the dictates of my conscience, and as regards spiritual things, the Lord had indeed dealt bountifully with:me, and. led me on in many respects, and, moreover, had condescended to use me as an instrument in doing His work.
18351.
Tempted to Unbelief.
On January 6th, 7th, and 8th, 1831, I had repeatedly asked the Lord for money, but received none. On the evening of January 8th I left my room for a few minutes, and was then tempted to distrust the Lord, though He had been so gracious to us, in that He not only up to that day had supplied all our wants, but had given us also those answers to prayer, which have been in part just mentioned. I was so sinful, for about five minutes, as to think it would be of no use to trust in the Lord in this way. I also began to say to myself, that I had perhaps gone too far in living in this way. But thanks to the Lord! this trial lasted but a few minutes. He enabled me again to trust in Him, and Satan was immediately confounded; for when I returned to my room (out of which I had not been absent ten minutes), the Lord had sent deliverance, for a sister in the Lord, who resided at Exeter, had come to Teignmouth, and brought us £2 4s.
Jan. 10. — To-day, when we had again but a few shillings, £5 was given to us, which had been taken out of the box. I had, once for all, told the brethren, who had the care of these temporal things, to have the kindness to let me have the money every week; but as these beloved brethren either forgot to take it out weekly, or were ashamed to bring it in such small sums, it was generally taken out every three, four, or five weeks. As I had stated to them, however, from the commencement that I desired to look neither to man nor the box, but to the Living God, I thought it not right on my part to remind them of my request to have the money weekly, lest it should hinder the testimony which I wished to give, of trusting in the Living God alone. It was on this account that on January 28th, when we had again but little money, though I had seen the brethren on January 24th open the box and take out the money, I would not ask the brother in whose hands it was, to let me have it; but I asked the Lord to incline his heart to bring it, and but a little time afterwards it was given to us, even £1 8s. 6d.
On March 7th I was again ¢empted to disbelieve the faithfulness of the Lord, and though I was not miserable, still I was not so fully resting upon the Lord, that I could triumph with joy. It was but one hour ajter, when the Lord gave me another proof of His faithful love. There came from some sisters in the Lord, £5, with these words written on the paper: “J was an hungered and ye gave me meat; I was thirsty, and ye gave me drink. Lord, when saw we thee an hungered, and fed thee? or thirsty, and gave thee drink? The King shall answer and say unto them, Verily, very I say unto you, inasmuch as ye have done it unto one of the least of these my brethren ye have done it unto me.”
About April 20th I went to Chulmleigh. Here, and in the neighbourhood, I preached repeatedly, and from thence 1 went to Barnstaple. Whilst we were at Barnstaple there was found in my wile’s bag a sovereign, put there anonymously. A sister also gave us £2. On our return to Teignmouth, May 2nd, when we emptied our travelling bag, there fell out a paper with money. It contained two sovereigns and three pence, the latter put in, no doubt, to make a noise in emptying the bag. May the Lord bless and reward the giver! In a similar way we found 4s. put anonymously into one of our drawers, a few days after.
June 12th. Lord’s day. On Thursday last I went with brother Craik to Torquay, to preach there. I had only about 3s. with me, and left my wife with about 6s. at home. The Lord provided beds for us through the hospitality of a brother. I asked the Lord repeatedly for money; but when I came home my wile had only about 3s. left, having received nothing. We waited still upon the Lord. Yesterday passed away and no money came. We had 9d. left. This morning we were still waiting upon the Lord, and looking for deliverance. We had only a little butter left for breakfast, sufficient for brother KH, and a relative living with us, to whom we did not mention our circumstances, that they might not be made uncomfortable. After the morning meeting, brother Y. most unexpectedly opened the box, and, in giving me quite as unexpectedly the money at such a time, he told me that he and his wife could not sleep last night on account of thinking that we might want money. The most striking point is, that after I had repeatedly asked the Lord, but received nothing, I then prayed yesterday that the Lord would be pleased to impress it on brother Y. that we wanted money, so that he might open the box. There was in it £1 8s. 103d. Our joy on account of this fresh deliverance was great, and we praised the Lord heartily.
July 20th. A shoulder of mutton and a loaf were sent to us anonymously. — I understood some time aiterwards, that Satan had raised the false report that we were starving, in consequence of which a believer sent these provisions. I would mention, by the way, that various reports have been circulated, on account of this our way of living. Sometimes it has been said that we had not enough to eat, and that surely such and such an infirmity of body we had brought on us, because we had not the necessaries of life. Now, the truth is, that, whilst we have been often brought low; yea, so low, that we have not had even as much as one single penny left; or so as to have the last loaf on the table, and not as much money as was needed to buy another loaf; — yet never have we had to sit down to a meal, without our good Lord having provided nourishing food for us. I am bound to state this, and I do it with pleasure. My Master has been a kind Master to me, and if I had to choose this day again, as to the way of living, the Lord giving me grace, I would not choose differently. But even these very reports, false as they were, I doubt not the
Lord has sometimes used as a means to put it into the hearts of His children, to remember our temporal necessities.
About July 25th I preached several times at Collumpton, and in a neighbouring village, in the open air. My experience as regards preaching in the open air has been very different from what I might have expected. I have often preached out of doors, and but once has it been blessed, as far as [ know, and that was in the case of an officer in the army, who came to make sport of it; whilst almost in every place, if not in every place, where I have preached in rooms or chapels, the Lord has given testimony to the Word. Perhaps the Lord has not been pleased to let me see fruit from this part of my work, though I have been many times engaged in it; or it may be, that because I did not pray so earnestly respecting my out-door preaching, as respecting my indoor preaching, the former has not been so much blessed as the latter. But this testimony I cannot but bear, that, though I do not consider it at present my work, on account of want of bodily strength, yet it is a most important work, and I should delight in being so honoured now as to be allowed to engage in it.
November 19th. We had not enough to pay our weekly rent; but the Lord graciously sent us again to-day 14s. 6d. I would just observe, that we never contract debts, which we believe to be unscriptural (according to Romans xiii. 8); and therefore we have no bills with our tailor, shoemaker, grocer, butcher, baker, etc., but all we buy we pay for in ready money. The Lord helping us, we would rather suffer privation than contract debts. Thus we always know how much we have, and how much we have a right to give away. May I entreat the believing reader, prayerfully to consider this matter; for I am well aware that many trials come upon the children of God, on account of not acting according to Romans xiii. 8.
November 27th, Lord’s day. Our money had been reduced to 23d.; our bread was hardly enough for this day. I had several times brought our need before the Lord. After dinner, when I returned thanks, I asked Him to give us our daily bread, ‘meaning literally that He would send us bread for the evening. Whilst I was praying, there was a knock at the door of the room. After I had concluded, a poor sister came in, and brought us some of her dinner, and from another poor sister, 5s. In the afternoon she also brought us a large loaf. Thus the Lord not only literally gave us bread, but also money.
In reading about all these answers to prayer, the believing reader may be led to think that I am spiritually minded above most of the children of God, and that, therefore, the Lord favours us thus. The true reason is this. Just in as many points as we are acting according to the mind of God, in so many are we blessed and made a blessing. Our manner of living is according to the mind of the Lord, for He delights in seeing His children thus come to Him (Matt. vi.); and therefore, though I am weak and erring in many points, yet He blesses me in this particular, and, I doubt not, will bless me, as long as He shall enable me to act according to His will in this matter.
After we had, on December 31st, 1831, looked over the Lord’s gracious dealings with us during the past year, in providing for all our temporal wants, we had about 10s. left. A little while after, the providence of God called for that, so that not a single farthing remained. Thus we closed the old year, in which the Lord had been so gracious in giving to us, without our asking any one, altogether, £131 18s. 8d. There had been likewise many articles of provision and some articles of clothing given to us, worth at least £20. Iam so particular in mentioning these things, to show that we are never losers by acting according to the mind of the Lord. For had I had my regular salary, humanly speaking, I should not have had nearly as much; but whether this would have been the case or not, this is plain, that I have not served a hard Master, and that is what I delight to show. For, to speak well of His name, that thus my beloved fellowpilgrims, who may read this, may be encouraged to trust in Him, is the chief purpose of my writing.
January 7th. We had been again repeatedly asking the the Lord to-day and yesterday to supply our temporal wants, having no means to pay our weekly rent; and this evening, as late as eleven o’clock, a brother gave us 19s. 6d., a proof that the Lord is not limited to time.
January 14th. This morning we had nothing but dry bread with our tea; only the second time since we have been living by simple faith upon Jesus for temporal supplies. We have more than £40 of ready money in the house for two bills, which will not be payable for several weeks, but we do not consider this money to be our own, and would rather suffer great privation, God helping us, than take of it. I thank the Lord, who gives me grace to be more faithful in these matters than I used to be formerly, when I would have taken of it, and said, that by the time the money was actually due, I should be able to replace it. We were looking to our Father, and He has not suffered us to be disappointed. For when now we had but 3d. left, and only a small piece of bread, we received 2s. and 5s., the particulars concerning which would take up too much space to relate.
Iilness.
February 18th. This afternoon I broke a blood-vessel in my stomach, and lost a considerable quantity of blood. 1 was very happy immediately afterwards. February 19th. This morning, Lord’s day, two brethren called on me, to ask me what arrangement there should be made to-day for the four villages, where
some of the brethren were in the habit of preaching, as, on account of my not being able to preach, one of the brethren would need to stay at home, and take my place. I asked them landly to come again in about an hour, when I would give them an answer. After they were gone the Lord gave me faith to tise. I dressed myself, and determined to go to the chapel. I was enabled to do so, though so weak when I went, that walking the short distance to the chapel was an exertion to me. I was enabled to preach this morning with as loud and strong a voice as usual, and for the usual length of time. After the morning meeting, a medical friend called on me, and entreated me not to preach again in the afternoon, as it might greatly injure me. I told him that I should indeed consider it great presumption to do so, had the Lord not given me faith. I preached again in the afternoon, and this medical friend called again, and said the same concerning the evening meeting. Nevertheless, having faith, I preached again in the evening. After each meeting I became stronger, which was a plain proof that the hand of God was in the matter.
February 23rd. I am now as well as I was before I broke the blood-vessel. — In relating the particulars of this circumstance I would earnestly warn every one who may read this, not to imitate me in such a thing if he has no faith; but if he has, it will, as good coin, most assuredly be honoured by God. I could not say that, if such a thing should happen again, I would act in the same way; for when I have been not nearly so weak as when I had broken the blood-vessel, having no faith, I did not preach; yet if it were to please the Lord to give me faith, I might be able to do the same, though even still weaker than at the time just spoken of.
Healing in Answer to Prayer. — The Gijt of Faith, and the Grace of Faith.
About this time I repeatedly prayed with sick believers till they were restored. Unconditionally I asked the Lord for the blessing of bodily health (a thing which I could not do now), and almost always had the petition granted. In some instances, however, the prayer was not answered. In the same way, whilst in London, November, 1829, in answer to my prayers, I was immediately restored from a bodily infirmity under which I had been labouring for a long time, and which has never returned since. The way in which I now account for these facts is as follows. It pleased the Lord, I think, to give me in such cases something like the gift (not grace) of faith, so that unconditionally I could ask and look for an answer. The difference between the gift and the grace of faith seems to me this. According to the gift of faith I am able to do a thing, or believe that a thing will come to pass, the not doing of which, or the not believing of which would not be sin; according to the grace of faith I am able to do a thing, or believe that a thing will come to pass, respecting which I have the Word of God as the ground to rest upon, and, therefore, the not doing it, or the not believing it, would be sin. For instance, the gift of faith would be needed, to believe that a sick person should be restored again, though there is no human probability: for there is no promise to that effect; the grace of faith is needed to believe that the Lord will give me the necessaries of life, if I first seek the kingdom of God and His righteousness: for there is a promise to that effect (Matt. vi. 33).
March 18th. These two days we have not been able to purchase meat. The sister in whose house we lodge gave us to-day part of her dinner. We are still looking to the Lord for deliverance. We want money to pay the weekly rent and to buy provisions. March 19th. Our landlady sent again of her meat for our dinner. We have but a halfpenny left. I feel myself very cold in asking for money; still I hope for deliverance, though I do not see whence money is to come. We were not able to buy bread to-day as usual. March 20th. This has been again a day of very great mercies. In the morning we met round our breakfast which the Lord had provided for us, though we had not a single penny left. The last halfpenny was spent for milk. We were then still looking to Jesus for fresh supplies. We both had no doubt that the Lord would interfere. I felt it a trial that I had but little earnestness in asking the Lord, and had this not been the case, perhaps we might have had our wants sooner supplied. We have about £7 in the house; but considering it no longer our own, the Lord kept us from taking of it, with the view of replacing what we had taken, as formerly I might have done. The meat which was sent yesterday for our dinner was enough also for to-day. Thus the Lord had provided another meal. Two sisters called upon us about noon, who gave us two pounds of sugar, one pound of coffee, and two cakes of chocolate. Whilst they were with us, a poor sister came and brought 1s. from herself, and 2s. 6d. from another poor sister. Our landlady also sent us again of her dinner, and also a loaf. Our bread would scarcely have been enough for tea, had the Lord not thus graciously provided. In the afternoon the same sister who brought the money, brought us also from another sister, one pound of butter and 2s., and from another sister 5s. Thus the Lord graciously has again answered our feeble and cold breathings. Lord, strengthen our faith!
Feels that his work in Teignmouth is done.
March 29th. I went to Shaldon this morning. Brother Craik has left for Bristol for four weeks. I think he will only return to take leave, and that the Lord will give him work there. (What a remarkable presentiment, which came to pass, concerning my beloved brother and fellow-labourer!)
April 8th. I have felt much this day that Teignmouth is no
longer my place, and that I shall leave it. I would observe that in August of the preceding year (1831), I began greatly to feel as if my work at Teignmouth were done, and that I should go somewhere else.
April 12th. Still feel the impression that Teignmouth is no longer my place. April 13th. Found a letter from brother Craik, from Bristol, on my return from Torquay, where I had been to preach. He invites me to come and help him. It appears to me from what he writes, that such places as Bristol more suit my gifts. O Lord, teach me! I have felt this day, more than ever, that I shall soon leave Teignmouth. I fear, however, there is much connected with it which savours of the flesh, and that makes me fearful. It seems to me as if I should shortly go to Bristol, if the Lord permit. April 14th. Wrote a letter to brother Craik, in which I said I would come, if I clearly saw it to be the Lord’s will. Have felt again very much to-day, yea, far more than ever, that I shall soon leave Teignmouth. At last I was pressed in spirit to determine that to-morrow I would tell the brethren so, in order that by the result of this I might see more of the Lord’s mind; and that, at all events, I might have their prayers, to be directed in this matter by the Lord.
April 15th, Lord’s day. This evening I preached again once more, as fully as time would permit, on the Lord’s second coming. After having done so, I told the brethren what effect this doctrine had had upon me, on first receiving it, even to determine me to leave London, and to preach throughout the kingdom; but that the Lord had kept me chiefly at Teignmouth for these two years and three months, and that it seemed to me now that the time was near when I should leave them. I reminded them of what I told them when they requested me to take the oversight of them, that I could make no certain engagement, but stay only so long with them as I should see it to be the Lord’s will to do so. There was much weeping afterwards. But I am now again in peace. This would not have been the vase had the matter not been of God. I knew of no place to go to. My mind was much directed to Torquay, to preach there for a month or so, and then to go further. For though I had written that I would come to Bristol, I meant only to stay there for a few days, and to preach a few times.
April 16th. This morning I am still in peace. I am glad I have spoken to the brethren, that they may be prepared, in case the Lord should take me away. — Having again but little money, and being about to leave Teignmouth for several days, I asked the Lord for a fresh supply, and within about four hours afterwards he sent me, from six different quarters, £3 7s. 6d. I lett to-day for Dartmouth, where I preached in the evening. — There was much weeping to-day among the saints at Teignmouth. This is already a trial to me, and it will be still more so should I actually leave.
ee Wa ok Par eee be ee te en) eee Shy ies speehe a See eta rk 4
April 18th. I am still at Dartmouth. I wrote to brother Craik, that, the Lord willing, I should be with him at Bristol on the 21st. I preached again this evening, with special assistance, before a large congregation.
Visit to Bristol.
April 20th. I left this morning for Bristol. I preached with little power (as to my own feeling) in Exeter, from three till half-past four. At five I left for Taleford, where
I preached in the evening, likewise with little power. I was very tired in body, and had had therefore little prayer. But; still, in both places, the believers seemed refreshed. I went to bed at eleven, very, very tired. a“April 21st. This morning I rose a little before five, and attended a prayer-meeting from a quarter past five, to a quarter past six. I spoke for some time at the meeting. “Afterwards I rayed and read again with some believers, and likewise expounded the Scriptures. The Bristol coach took me up about ten. I was very faithless on the journey. I did not speak a single word for Christ, and was therefore wretched in my soul. This had shown me again my weakness. Though the Lord had been so gracious to me yesterday, in this particular, and had given me much encouragement, in that He made my fellow-travellers either thankfully to receive the Word, or constrained them quietly to listen to the testimony; yet I did not confess Him to-day. Nor did I give away a single tract, though I had my pockets full on purpose. O wretched man that I am!; April 22nd. This morning I preached at Gideon Chapel,. Bristol. (Though this sermon gave rise to false reports, yet the Lord was pleased to bless it to several; and the false reports were likewise instrumental in bringing many individuals under i the sound of the Word.) In the afternoon I preached at the Pithay Chapel. (This sermon was a blessing to many, many j souls; and many were brought through it, to come afterwards to hear brother Craik and me. Among others, it was the means of converting a young man who was a notorious drunkard, and who was just again on his way to a public house, when an acquaintance of his met him, and asked him to go with him to hear a foreigner preach. He did so; and from that moment he was so completely altered, that he never again went to a public house, and was so happy in the Lord afterwards that he often neglected his supper, from eagerness to read the Scriptures, as his wife told me. He died about five months afterwards.) This evening I was much instructed in hearing brother Craik preach. IT am now fully persuaded that Bristol is the place where the Lord will have me to labour.
April 23. This evening I preached again with much assistance at Gideon. I was very happy. (The Lord made this testimony a blessing to several.) I feel that Bristol is my place for a while, The Lord mercifully teach me!
ve
UOIWALIXG, ‘IadVHO YasaHLag
April 27th. It seems to brother Craik and myself the Lord’s will that we should go home next week, in order that in quietness, without being influenced by what we see here, we may more inquire into the Lord’s will concerning us. It especially appears to us much more likely that we should come to a right conclusion among the brethren and sisters in Devonshire, whose tears we shall have to witness, and whose entreaties to stay with them we shall have to hear, than here in Bristol, where we see only those who wish us to stay. Some asked me to stay with them while brother Craik goes home. But it seems better that we should both go. (I observe here, it was evident that many preferred my beloved brother’s gifts to my own; yet, as he would not come, unless I came with him, and as I knew that I also had been called by the Lord for the ministry of the Word, I knew that J also should find my work in Bristol, and that though it might be a different one, yet I should fill up in some measure his lack, whilst he supplied my deficiencies; and that thus we might both be a benefit to the church and to the unconverted in Bristol. The result has evidently confirmed this. I am, moreover, by the grace of God, strengthened to rejoice in my fellow-labourer’s honour, instead of envying him; having, in some measure, been enabled to enter into the meaning of that word: “A man can receive nothing, except it be given him from above.’’)
April 30th. It was most affecting to take leave of the dear children of God, dozens pressing us to return soon, many with tears in their eyes. The blessing which the Lord has given to our ministry, seems to be very great. We both see it fully the Lord’s will to come here, though we do not see under what circumstances. A brother has promised to take Bethesda Chapel for us, and to be answerable for the payment of the rent; so that thus we should have two large chapels — — I saw, again, two instances to-day, in which my preaching has been blessed.
Decides to move to Bristol.
May Ist. Brother Craik and I left this morning for Devonshire. May 2nd. I preached this evening at Bishopsteignton, and told the brethren, that, the Lord willing, I should soon leave them. May yd. I saw several of the brethren to-day, and felt so fully assured that it is the Lord’s will that I should go to Bristol, that I told them so. This evening I had a meeting with the three deacons, when I told them plainly about it; asking them, if they see anything wrong in me concerning this matter, to tell me of it. They had nothing to say against it; yea, though much wishing me to stay, they were convinced themselves that my going is of God.
May 15th. Just when I was in prayer concerning Bristol, I was sent for to go to brother Craik. Two letters had arrived from Bristol. The brethren assembling at Gideon accept our offer to come under the conditions we have made, i.e. for the present to consider us only as ministering among them,
in any fixed pastoral relationship, so that we may preach consider it to be according to the mind of God, without refer to any rules among them; that the pew-rents should be done away with; and that we should go on, respecting the supply of owr temporal wants, as in Devonshire. We intend, the Lord willing, — to leave in about a week, though there is nothing settled respecting Bethesda Chapel.
May 16th. I preached for the last time at Bishopsteignton, % and took leave of the brethren. May 17th. I went to Exmouth, pee and, after preaching, took leave of the brethren. May 21st. 1 began to-day to take leave of the brethren at Teignmouth, calling on each of them. In the evening I went over to Shaldon to take leave of the brethren, of whom brother Craik has had ee the oversight. It has been a trying day. Much weeping on the part of the saints. Were I not so fully persuaded that it is the will of God we should go to Bristol, I should have been hardly able to bear the parting.
May 23rd. My beloved wife, Mr. Groves my father-in-law, a and I left this morning for Exeter. Dear brother Craik intends Ee to follow us to-morrow. ee ie
The following record will now show to the believing reader — how far what I have said concerning my persuasion, that it was the will of God that we should go to Bristol, has been proved by facts.
[Trust in Jehovah with all thy heart,
And lean not upon thine own understanding;
Tn all thy ways acknowledge Him,
And He will make plain thy paths. ee:
Be not wise in thine own eyes; Beat
Fear Jehoyah, and depart from evil. ee 4
Honour Jehovah with thy substance,:
And with the first-fruits of all thine increase:
So shall thy barns be filled with plenty,
a And thy vats shall overflow with new wine,
Happy is the man that findeth wisdom,
And the man that getteth understanding.
* * * * *
Length of days is in her right hand; And in her left are riches and honour. Her ways are ways of pleasantness, And all her paths are peace.; Proverbs tii.. * The Psalmist saith “The law of his God is in his heart; none of his steps shall slide.’ Tow remarkably was this Scripture fulfilled “a in the further experiences of Mr. Miller during all his stay in +% Bristol! ] ‘MOIUGIN] ‘IdadVHQ VasanLag