The Believer's Soliloquy, Especially in Times of Desertion, Temptation, Affliction

Sect. I. The deserted Believer longing for perfect Freedom from Sin.

A1

H mournful case! what can afford
Contentment, when an absent Lord
Will now his kindness neither prove
By smiles of grace, nor lines of love!

What heart can joy, what soul can sing,
While winter over-runs the spring?
I die, yet can’t my death condole;
Lord, save a dying, drooping soul.

In pain, yet uncencern’d I live,
And languish when I should believe.
Lord, if thou cease to come and stay,
My soul in sin will pine away.

In sin, whose ill no tongue can tell,
To live is death, to die is hell;
O save, if not from thrall’s arrest,
Yet save me, Lord, from sin at least.

This for his merit’s sake I seek, Whose blood and wounds do mercy speak; Who left the rank of glorious choirs, And heav’nly ilow’rs for earthly briers.

Our Samson took an holy nap
Upon our feeble nature’s lap:
He wand’ring in a pilgrim’s weed,
l)id taste our griefs to help our need*
the believer’s soliloquy. Qi9

th’s fury did upon him light:

v black was Herod’s cruel spite!
Who, to be sure of murd’ring one,
Lest he be spar’d, did pity none!

IL’il bunts the !3abe; a few days old,

That came to rifle Satan’s ibid;

All hands pursu’d him, ev’n to death,

That came to save from sin and wrath.

O mercy! ignorant of bounds!

Which all created thought confounds;

He ran outright a saving race

For them that unto death him chase.

O sin! how heavy is thy weight, That press’d the glorious God of might, Till prostrate on the freezing ground, He sweat his clotted blood around!

His hand the pond’rous globe does prop, This weight ne’er made him sweat a drop: But when sin’s load upon him lies, He falls, and sweats, and groans, and dies.

Alas! if God sink under sin,
How shall the man that dies therein?
How deeply down, when to the load
He adds the slighted blood of God?

Lordr let thy fall my rise obtain,
Thy grievous shame my glory gain;
Thy cross my lasting crown procure,
Thy death my endless life insure.

O send me down a draught of love,
Or take me hence to drink above:

v Marah’s water (ills my cup, But there all griefs are swaliow’d up.

Love here is scarce a faint desire;
But there the spark’s a flaming I
Joys here are drops that passing flee
i But there an ever-flowing sea.

O 2

My faith, that sees so darkly here.
Will there resign to vision clear;
My hope, that here’s a weary groan,
Will to fruition yield the throne.

Here fetters hamper freedom’s wing,
But there the captive is a king:
And grace is like a bury’d seed,
But sinners there. are saints indeed.

Thy portion’s here a crumb at best,
But there the Lamb’s eternal feast:
My praise is now a smother’ d fire,
But then I’llsing and.never tire.

Kow dusky shadows cloud my day,
But then the shades will tlee away:
My Lord will break the dimming glass,
And shew his glory face to face.

My num’rous foes now beat me down,
But then I’ll wear the victor’s crown;
Yet all the revenues Til bring
To Ziqn’s everlasting King.

SECT. II.

.The deserted Believer $ Prayer under Coynplaints of Unbelief, Darkness, Deadness, and Hardness.

What means this wicked, wand’ring heart?

This trembling ague of my soul?
Would Jesus but a look impart,

One look from him would make me whole.

But will he turn to me his face,

From whom he justly did withdraw?

To me who slighted all that grace
I in my past experience saw?

Lord, for thy promise sake return,
Apply thy pardoning, cleansing blood;

Look down with pity on a worm,
With cov’nant mercy do me good.

TIIC BELIEVER’S LODi.lv ,. Q(2l

When thy free Sp’rit the word applies, And kindly tells me thou art mine,

faithless sinking heart replies,
All, Lord! L w**t) I could oe thine,

My faith’s so ‘nighted in my doubts,

I cast the otter’ d good away;
And lose, by raising vain disputes,

The wonted blessings of the day.

Was e’er one press’ d with such a load, Or pierc’d with such an unseen dart!

To find at once an absent God,
And yet, alas! a careless heart?

Such grief as mine, a griefless grief,

Did ever any mortal share?
An hopeless hope, a lifeless life,

Or such unwonted careless care? ‘Tis sad, Lord! when for night’s solace

Nor moon, nor starry gleams appear:
Yet worse, when in this dismal case

My heart is hardened from thy fear*

*T was not because noshow’rs did flow

Of heav’nly manna, at my door;
But by my folly I’m into

A worse condition than before.

Come, Lord, with greater pow’rs, for why?

Mine, sure, is not a common case:
Thou otter’st to unvaii; yet I

Lm scarce incline to see thy face.

Such languid faint desires I feel
Within this wicked stupid heart:

I sh puld, I would, but that I will
I hardly dare with truth assert.

0 to be free of that vile wrack,

I base Ij keeps me from my God!

1 flee from thee, Lord! bring me back

By tender love, or by thy rod.
O 3

In paths of righteousness direct,

w proofs or thy remission give;
Then of thy name Til mention make

With grateful praises while I live.
On banks of mercy’s .boundless deep,

Wil pe I’ll soar and sing,

Than kings oi feather’d hosts, that sweep

The oozy shore with easy wing.

But if thy mind omniscient know
I’m for this absent bliss unlit,

Give grace to hate my sins, and to
Their rigbfie&us punishment submit.

But let me ne’er thy Spirit lack,

That by his aid my pray’rs may come

Before him wdio can wisely make
Ev’n distance lead his people home.

Deep wisdom can my soul prepare
present woes for absent bliss.
By acid griefs that now T share,

He can convey the joys I miss.
Who all from nothing’s womb disdosM,

Can make tlf amazing product cease;
With him our order is confusM,

By him confusion brings forth peace.

Then, Lord, ne’er let me baseiy spurn
Against thy searchless unknown ways;

But magnify thy work, and turn

My groans and murmurs into praise.

Let me submissive, while I live,
Thy awful justice own with fear:

Yet pensive let me lhilcy grieve
ler mercy by despair.
h by sin I foully swerv’d
And h-wdiy iroiH my glory fell,
Tin chastened here, ulu not reserved
To feel the weight of sin in he!!,

The high right hand’s once joyful clays

in my; Ml tall to inin I;

And own that all thy darkest v

Will clearly prove thee good and kind.

SEC r. ni.

The Believer leading tltrough Deeps of Desertion and Corruption,

Lord, when thy face thou hid’st,
And leav’st me long to plore,
I faithless doubt of all thou didst
And wrought’st for me before.

No marks of love I find,

No grains of grace, but wracks;
o tra ck of heav’n is left behind,
No groan, nor smoking flax.

But say, if all the gusts

And grains of love be spent, Say, Farewell Christ, and welcome lusts: Stop, stop; I melt, I faint.

Lord, yet thou hast my heart,
This bargain black I hate;
I dare not, cannot, will not part
With thee at such a rate.

Once like a father good,

Thou didst with grace perfume;
Wast thou a father to conclude
With dreadful judge’s doom?

Confirm thy former deal,
R< form what is defil’d;
I was, 1 am, I’ll still abi<

Thy choice, thy charge, thy child..

Love-seals thou didst impart,
Lock’d up in mind I have;
Hell cannot rase out of my heart

What Heav’n did there ingrave.

Thou once didst make me whole
By thy almighty hand:
Thou mad’st me vow, and gift my soul;
Both vow and gift shall stand.

But, since my folly gross
My joyful cup did spill,
Make me, the captive of thy cross,
Submissive to thy will.

Self in myself I hate,

That’s matter of my groan;
Nor can I rid me from the mate
That causes me to moam

O frail unconstant flesh!
Soon trapt in ev’ry gin;
Soon T’jrri’d, o’erturn’d, and so afresh
Plung’d in the gulph of sin.

Shall I be slave to sin.

My Lord’s most bloody foe!
Feel its powerful sway within,
How long shall it be so?

How long, Lord, shall I stay?
How long in Mesech here?
DiShon’ring thee from day to day,
Whose name to me’s so dear?

While sin, Lord, breeds my grief,
And makes me sadly pine;
With blinks of grace, O grant, relief,
rJ ill beams of glory shine.

SECT. IV. Complaint of Sin, Sorrow, and want of Love.

If black doom by desert should go,
Then, Lord, my due desert is death;

Which robs from souls immortal joy,
And from their bodies mortal breath.

But in so great a Saviour,

Can e’er so base a worm’s annoy
Add any glory to thy pow>,

Or any gladness to thy joy?

Thou justly may’st me doom to death,

And everlasting flames of fire;
But on a wretch to pour thy wrath

Can never sure be worth thine ire.

Since Jesus the atonement was,

Let tender mercy me release;
Let him be umpire of my cause,

And pass the gladsome doom of peace.

Let grace forgive and love forget

My base, my vile apostasy;
And temper thy deserved hate

W’uh love and mercy toward mev

The ruffling winds and raging blasts

Hold me in constant cruel chace; They break my anchors, sails, and masts,

Allowing no reposing place.

The hoist’ rous seas with swelling floods,

On ev’ry side against me fight.
Heaven, overcast with stormy clouds,

Dims all the planets’ guiding light.
The hellish furies lie in wait,

To win my soul into their pow’r;
To make me bite at ev’ry bait,

And thus my killing bans devour.
O j

I lie inchain’d in sin and thrall,
Next L order unto black despair;

Till grace restore, and of my fall
The doleful ruins all repair.

My hov’ring thoughts would flee to giore, And nestle safe above the sky;

Fain would my tumbling ship ashore
At that sure anchor quiet lie.

But mounting thoughts are haled down

With heavy poise of corrupt load;
And blust’ring storms deny with frown

A harbour of secure abode. To drown the weight that wakes the blast.

Thy sin-subduing grace afford; The storm might c£nse, could I but cast

This troublous Jonah over-board.

Base flesh, with fleshly pleasures gain’d, Sweet grace’s kindly suit declines;

When mercy courts me for its friend,
Anon my sordid flesh repines.

Soar up, my soul, to Tabor hill,

Cast off this loathsome pressing load;

Lon<; is the date of thine exile,

While absent from the Lord, thy God.

Dote not on earthly weeds and toys,

Which do not, cannot suit thy taste:
The flow’rs of everlasting joys

Grow up apace for thy repast.
Sith that the glorious God above

In Jcmis bears a love to thee,
How base, how brutish is thy love

Of any being less than he?

Who for thy love did chuse thy grief,
Content m love to live and die:

Who lov’d thy love more than his life, And with his life thy love did buy.

And every one thai heaxeth. these sayings of pained doth

them not shall be liken.d unto a foolish :.«;»u which built His iiousc upon the sand THE BELIEVER’S SOLILOQUY. 2^7

Since then the God of richest love

With thy poor love enamour’d is;
How high a crime will thee reprove

If not enamour’d deep with his?

Since on the verdant field of grace
His love does thine so hot pursue:

Let love meet love with chaste embrace,. Thy mire a thousand-fold is due.

Rise love, thou early heav’n, and sing*,

Young little dawn of endless day:
I’ll on thy mounting fiery wing

In joyful raptures melt away.

sect. v.

The deserted SouVs Prayer for the Lord’s gracious s i n -s u btlu l /iip LJrt sen ce.

Kind Jesus, come in love to me,

And make no longer stay;
Or else receive mv soul to thee,

That breathes to be away.

A Lazar at thy gate I lie,
well it me becomes,
For children’s bread asham’d to cry;
O grant a dog the crumbs.

My wounds and rags my need proclaim,,

Thy needful help insure:
My wounds bear witness that I’m lame,

My rags that I am poor.

Thou many at thy door dost feed

With mercy when distrest;
O wilt thou not shew an alms-deed

To nie among the rest?
O 8

988 GOSPEL !ONNE-,

None else can give my soul relief,
None else can ease my moan,

But he whose absence is mv grief;
All other joys be gone.

How can I cease from sad complaint,

How c ;n I be at rest?
My mind can never be content

To want my noble guest.

Drop down, mine eyes, and never tire,

Cease not on any terms,
Until I have my heart’s desire.

My Lord within mine arms.
My heart, my hand, my spirits fail,

When hiding cff he goes;
flesh, my foes, my lusts prevail,

And work my daily woes.

Wl en shall I see that glorious sight

all my sins destroy:
The Lord of love, that lamp of light,
Will banish all annoy?

O could I but from sinning cease,

And wait on Pisgah’s hill,
Until I see him face to face,

d should my soul be still.

But since corruption cleaves to me

e I in Kedar dwell;
O Live me leave to long for thee,
lor absence is a hell.

Thy glory should be dear to me,
Who me bo dear hast bought:
s .ve from rendering ill to thee
For good which thou hast wrought.

With fear I crave, with hope I cry,

Oli promis’d favour send,
Be tl, tl yself, though changeling I
jratefuHV oiTend.

THE BELIEVER I lOEIIWQUY.

Out of thy way remove the lets,

Cleanse this polluted Am;
Tender my suits, cancel my cb

Sweet Jesus, say, Amen.

SECT VI.

TL S - ’ / / L

Aurora veils her rosy face

When brighter Phoebus takes her place;

II g -. her r*>om

To glory in the heav’nly home,

Happy the company tl it’s gone

From cross to crown, from thrall to throne;

How loud they si g o the shore,

To which they sail’d in heart

Bless’d are the dead, yea, saith the word,
That die in Christ the luring Lord,
And on the other side of dc
Thus joyful spend their praisii ;h:

‘• Death from all d i has set us icee,

od will our gain for ever I t: “Death loos’d the massy chain- of woe,” To let the mournful

M Death is to us a sweet repose;

14 Th< bud. was op’d to -

11 T;u i. w is broke to let

11 And build our happy nest on higl.

11 Lo, here we do triumphant reign,
M And joyful sing in lofty strain:
11 Lo, hen Bt, and love to be,

“Enjoying more than faith could see*

u The thousandth part we now tefa

,4 By mortal long

u WV got a tfrste, but now above

“Wc forage in the fields k:i l< “Faith once stole down a distant kiss,” Now love cleaves to the check of bliss. “Beyond the fears of more mishap” We gladly rest in glory’s lap.

u Earth was to us a seat of war,

“In thrones of triumph now we are.

“We. long’d to see our Jesus dear,

“And sought him there, but find him here.

“We walk in white without annoy,
“In glorious galleries of joy:
” And crown’d with everlasting bays,
u We rival cherubs in their praise.

“No longer we complain of wants,
” We see the glorious King of saints,.
“Amidst his joyful hosts around,
” With all the divine giory crown’d.

“We see him at his table head
” With living water, living bread,
“His cheerful guests incessant load
” With all the plenitude of God.

“We see the holy flaming (ires,

“Cherubic and seraphic choirs;

“And gladly join with those on high,.

“To warble praise eternally.

“Glory to God that here we came,
” And glory to the glorious Lamb.
“Our light, our life, our joy, our all
” Is in our arms, and ever shall.

11 Our Lord is ours, and we are his;
Yea, now we see him as he is:
” And hence we like unto him are,
M And full his glorious image share.

“No darkness now, no dismal night,
M No vapour intercepts the light;
“We see for ever face to face,
” The highest Prince in highest place.

THE BELIEVERS SOLTLOQL^, 931

u ThiS| this docs heav’n enough a fiord,” We are for ever with the Lord: 11 We want no more, for all isgiv’it; M His presence is the heart of heav’n. v

While thus I laid my listening ear
Close to tin? door of heav’n to hear;
And then the sacred page did view,
Which told nie all I heard was true;

1. I shew’d me that the heav’nly song
Surpasses ev’ry mortal tongue,
With such unutterable strains
As none in fett’ring flesh attains:

Then said I, “O to mount away,
“And leave this clog of heavy clay!
” Let wings of time more hasty fly,
“That I may join the songs on high.”