And my sin is ever before me

‘And my sin is ever before me.’ — Ver. 35.

Tls” these words David gives a more precise explanation and confirmation of his confession: ‘I acknowledge my transgressions.’ He tells the Lord what kind of knowledge this is. His sin has made such a deep impression upon him that he cannot forget it. It is not only a matter of the understanding. It has seized his heart, so that he can no longer get quit of it: ‘My sin is ever before me.’ The consideration of this word may teach the sinner who is praying for grace some new and weighty lessons.

‘My sin is ever before me.’ This reminds us of the enduring, abiding character of the sense of sin. A knowledge of sin is not a needful lesson which has to be learned in order that we may forget it again and simply go forward. it must prevail with each man to such an extent that he can never more forget it. Whenever one confesses his sin, and then quite easily goes on his way, whether it be to give himself to the world or to talk of grace, that is a token that he

THE COXEESSIOj*. is not yet thoroughly in earnest about his knowledge of sin. He who rightly understands his sinfulness, beholds in it so much that is shameful, so much that is heinous, that he becomes filled with this conviction. He goes forward continually bowed down under the thought of the great evil that he has done. Is not this what we expect from any one who has done some extreme misdeed or other, and then obtains an insight into its character? Suppose, for example, that some one has committed a murder, and then obtains repentance for it: do we expect that he will speedily again go about laughing, or become very joyful? Surely not: especially if a sentence of death has been pronounced upon him on account of his sin. In like manner when the greatness of his sin has become known to the sinner, it becomes something to him that he cannot forget, especially until he is certain that he has forgiveness. He has sinned against God. He has made himself guilty against the law of God and the love of God. In the midst of all the occupations and distractions of the world, he testifies: 6 My sin is ever before me.9

This is for him the great question of his life with which he has to deal. This is the one thought which he has to cherish concerning himself: ‘I have sinned.’ And nothing can possibly yield him comfort until God has caused him to know: ‘Thy sin is forgiven thee.5 And although one may come to God with all sorts of fair words concerning the compassion of God, the soul still remains in this condition until God Himself takes away and blots out the sin. May we never at any time look upon sorrow for sin as something that is needless, and may we never seek or seize a mere superficial comfort. ~No: a knowledge of sin is necessary, and it is the work of God. Every soul must learn to say in the prayer for grace: 1 My sin is ever before me.’

kMy sin is ever before me.’ This ought also further to remind us of ike personal character of a true sense of sin. It is a sure sign of those with whom the confession of sin is not deep that they are always ready to say: ‘Yes, all men are truly sinners.’ It is as if the thought of the universality of sin made the guilt of each man in particular less. At least this consideration tends to draw away the thoughts from the guilt of each particular person. And then one is ready to imagine further that there are others who are still greater sinners for whom there is nevertheless grace. Why should there not be grace also for me? This is the ordinary language of those who are not willing to think much of their own personal sin. They may have some knowledge, some ideas concerning the greatness of sin in general, but they do not say this: ‘My sin is ever before me.’ This, however, is the language of the true penitent. He feels that he personally has to deal with God. He feels that he for himself alone has to deal with God, in death, in judgment and everlasting punishment, and that it is of small moment to him whether there are others along with him or not. He sees himself as one that is condemned and lost in the light of God’s law, and he has truly neither the time nor the desire to think of others. He cannot ask if the sins of others are greater than his own or not. He finds it sufficient to deal only with himself: ‘My sin is ever before me.’ He is quite in earnest with the confession: 6 My sin.’ While there are many who are doing everything to make it manifest that sin is not their own, he acknowledges it with all his heart. One imagines that sin belongs to the devil: he has the guilt of it. Another fancies that guilt rests upon the world, and is dependent upon circumstances. A third, not perhaps in words but in his heart, says that sin comes by imputation from God, who caused that men should be born in this condition. But the true penitent cries: c My sin.’ Yes: more than my property, or my house, my wife or my children, is sin my own. It is a part of me; no one can take it from me, or out of me, but God alone. Oh, it is a confession of amazing earnestness: 6 My sin is ever before me.’

My reader, do you desire mercy? See here, then, wrhat constitutes an element in the prayer for mercy. I pray you, turn not away from the painful and humbling side of this confession. Consider no time or pains too much which you must use in order to make it thorough and cordial. There will be much that you may desire to lay aside; but be assured of this, there is nothing that so much concerns you, there is nothing of so much importance to you, as your sin. In every thought which God has of you. in every movement during which His holy eyes are fixed upon you, this is the first and principal thing that He sees in you. your sin. Is it not, then, of the uttermost importance that you should see yourself even as God sees you In every prayer for grace which you make, this is the first point to which God looks: whether you indeed desire grace and long for it: that is, whether you truly abhor and condemn yourself as one that is entirely unclean, or whether your sins are to you thoroughly and constantly wrong, and whether as a sinner you shall know to receive and value the redemption that is in Christ Jesus. Therefore be it yours with all earnestness to learn this lesson: 6 My sin is ever before me.’ Without this there can be no true repentance, no sincere prayer for mercy, no living faith, no well-pleasing fellowship with God. “We are destined for the knowledge, for the enjoyment of the redemption of God here below, and still more for the heaven where blessedness and peace shall be the praising and enjoying of that free grace which has redeemed the ungodly.

I press these considerations upon you, just because I know that there are many who deal too superficially with the confession of sins. Thev are willing: enough to confess that they are sinners, for all men are in the same position. But, alas! they know nothing of the tremendous earnestness of this confession. They do not utter it with shame; they do not utter it before God and upon their knees; they say it without really hungering for grace. May God redeem many of my readers from this insensibility, and teach them to cry out in dead earnestness, and with a contrite heart: ‘Have mercy upon me, O God; my sin is ever before me.’