Seeking Help Inside of Self, Not Outside
It really is strange how many seek relief from their doubts, and help in their mental and spiritual unrest, by looking within instead of looking without. It would seem as if some actually expected to find a Saviour, or at all events to find evidences of their salvation, by an examination of their inner state of mind and being, and in the play of their personal feelings. This foolish custom was far more common a century ago than it is to-day; yet there are still many who do themselves harm, while they get absolutely no good, by indulging in this pernicious and unscriptural endeavor.
In my own case, I suffered much by such hopeless and injurious efforts to gain some evidence from my emotions or my con-How to Deal with Boubts
scious course of conduct, that I was truly a child of God, and might trust as such. The more I studied myself, the more I was dissatisfied with myself Again and again I heard it said, or I read the statement in books of religious counsel, that the way to be rid of doubts about one’s spiritual condition was to be actively at work for Christ. Yet I knew that that was no prescription for my case. I was engaged in specific Christian work seven days in the week, and the more I did of such work the less spiritual comfort I had. I was a constant sufferer in my habit of searching my inmost being for evidences of my Christian fidelity that were not to be found there.
Some told me that I should carefully examine myself, and decide what I would do in a test case, as showing whether I was a child of God, or one of God’s enemies. This experiment I tried again and again, but I had to admit to myself that I was really seeking personal comfort or gain in this effort, and not putting God’s glory
Seching IKelp UneiDe of Self, not outside
foremost, regardless of my feelings or interest. I really gained nothing, while I lost strength and rest and peace, in my desire to find a hope of salvation within myself. As the years passed on in this mistaken and useless search, I had less and less enjoyment in Christian activities, in which I still persevered, and I suffered more and more keenly in my self-reproaches because of my lack of hope and of spiritual repose.
This was after years of Christian work in my army chaplaincy and in my Sunday-school missionary work. In a sense, the more I did the worse I felt My exhaustion in and through my well-doing incapacitated me for calm and sensible self-examination. Often, after several services on the Lord’s Day, I have actually agonized for hours on my room floor, vainly seeking spiritual rest by means of internal evidence that I was a child of God.
One day I said despondently to a mature Christian believer, whom I had known from boyhood:
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“I wish I could have some rest in my Christian faith.”
“Why shouldn’t you have? You know that you are a Christian, and that Christ takes care of you all the time, and for all time,” said my friend.
“No, I don’t know that I am a Christian,” I replied, “and that’s the trouble.”
“You know that you want to be a Christian, and that if the choice were left to you, and you understood it, you’d decide for Christ’s service.”
“No, I can’t say that I do know that,” I replied, despondently.
My friend, seeing my real condition, caught hold of me, and said sharply:
“Stop that analyzing of your insides, and look up. Turn away from yourself, and look at your Saviour.”
That blunt putting of the truth was a turning-point in my mind and in my spiritual life. I had long enough sought help inside without gaining it. Now I looked up where it could be found, and my being SecWna IHclp tn6itpc of Self, not ©utslDc
was at rest. From that day on to the present I could never be induced to examine myself for evidences of salvation. I have looked up for help, and I have urged others to do likewise.
One day there came to me a student, brought up under Christian influences, and said to me:
“I am troubled all the time because I can’t be sure that I’m a Christian.”
Perceiving his condition of mind, I responded:
“Why should you be a Christian?”
“Why should I be a Christian? I don’t know what you mean by such a question.”
“Is there any command in the Bible for you to be a Christian? I don’t remember any such. Is there any promise of salvation to Christians? Are you sure that you could be saved if you were a Christian?”
“You bewilder me,” said the doubter.
“I want you, my friend, to look squarely at the important matter you came here to
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talk about. Whom did Jesus Christ come into this world to save? “.
“Sinners.”
“Are you a sinner?”
“Yes,” came out heartily, “I’ve no doubt about that.”
“You are not deceiving yourself now with a false hope, my friend?”
“I think not,” and a feeble smile played over the doubter’s face. “I think I can feel sure on that point, whatever other doubt I have.”
“Well, now, my friend, you see for yourself how the case stands. Jesus Christ came into this world to save sinners. You are one of that sort; Pm another. You say that you can’t satisfy yourself that you are a Christian. I was in the same fix for years. But you do know that you are a sinner. / also felt sure on that point. So I came as a sinner to trust Christ as a Saviour. I advise you to do the same, leaving out of mind for a century or so the matter of being sure of being a Christian. Let us trust
Seeking Melp Unsie ot Self, not ©utsiOe
the Saviour of sinners as our Saviour, and let us find joy in working for him.”
And another troubled doubter became a cheerful, trustful, saved sinner, by being helped to look outside of himself, instead of inside. He was for years active in leading others, in the home field and in the foreign field, to trust the Saviour of sinners as their Saviour.
Christ is above us; let us look to him. That is the direction in which to look, in order to get rest and peace. It is so for those who are troubled with doubts. It is so for those who are ready to trust. This is a thought for all who would give help to such doubters, and who would lead to rest and peace troubled and anxious souls.
It is so with all who are looking within for evidences of their acceptance with Christ. Christ, not the sinner, is the evidence. One who has once learned this lesson is not willing again to leave the sure reality for any fancied substitute. One who
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was mistakenly trying to induce doubters to be satisfied as to their condition by self-examination told, in my hearing, the following illustration used by Theodore Monod, of Geneva, that the speaker thought might help another.
“You find in your heart evils, defects, imperfections, and you feel that that heart is not worthy of being counted precious by Jesus Christ. But even a diamond, when it is first taken by the lapidary, is often rough and soiled and hidden from sight by foul accumulations; yet it is a diamond, nevertheless. Then the lapidary cleanses and cuts and finishes the rough diamond, and makes it fit to be set in the crown of a sovereign. Thus with your rough and defiled and uncut jewel of a soul. It is a diamond, and it is to shine in the diadem of the King of kings. Be sure of that.”
As I had suffered for years in looking inside for evidences of salvation, or of my worthiness, I responded heartily to this illustration:
SceWns Mclp UnsiDc ot Selt, not outside
“I’ve all confidence in the Lapidary, but no confidence in the uncut stone, so far as my case is concerned. I never found any rough diamond inside of me. But I am told that, chemically, charcoal and the diamond dust have much in common. Now, when I look inside of myself, I see the charcoal. So I say to the great Lapidary: * I bring you this charcoal, and I trust you to transmute it, by your almighty power, into a diamond. Then, in infinite love, place that diamond in your diadem, and to thee be all the glory.’”
When I said this, a fellow-believer who had been troubled with doubts as to his spiritual condition through his habit of looking inside for grounds of hope, instead of looking above for assurance of a Saviour, seemed touched by this view of the ground of hope, which was fresh to him. Speaking out heartily and with new hope, he said:
“I can find charcoal inside of me every time. There’s no lack of that comfort for me.”
And he turned his thought from the material to be transmuted to the all-powerful Lapidary. I then realized afresh that the way for a sinner to find hope is by looking up to the Saviour of such sinners as himself Is there any better way than this to deal with doubts on such a point?