Leaving the Sea and Marriage

TPON his arrival in Philadelphia, on their return from this voyage, they were met with the news of the death of Whitton Evans, the owner of the ship. In consequence of this the ‘’ New Jersey” was sold, and our father thus providentially released from his position, looked about for a business on shore. A proposition was soon made to him to enter into the Dry Goods business with a friend, and as it seemed the best opening that presented, he decided to accept it, although he never felt quite clear that it was according to the Divine will. And the result convinced him that he had better have waited for clearer directions, for after several years of much anxiety and trouble, he was obliged to close up the business at a great loss. But of this I will write more fully in its place.

He had saved $4,000 from his earnings on the sea. Of this, with characteristic honesty, he paid $1,000 to settle a debt his father owed, and the remainder he put into his new business. He entered this business 5th month, 12th, 1829, in a store on the north side of Market street, above 9 th.

Being thus settled on land, lie felt that the time had come when he might ask Mary Tatum to become his wife, and the matter was soon settled in accordance with his wishes. She resided, as we have seen, on a farm called Park Plain, near Woodbury, and her family, like his own, all belonged to the Society of Friends.

Her ancestors, however, do not appear to have been Friends wdien they first came over to xlmerica, and did not join them until about the third generation. The first Tatum made mention of was a John Tatum, who purchased the property called the Park Plain plantation, about 400 acres, from AYilliam Wainwright, in 1G89. This property continued in the family for only two generations, and was then transferred to a creditor named Moses Ward, in 1738. In 1762, however, it was repurchased by the oldest grandson, John, who was born in 1739, and who married Sarah Ward on 9th month, 17tli, 1762. Owing to the fallen fortunes of the family, this John Tatum began life as a poor boy, but by hard work, and strict economy, and great uprightness, he gradually accumulated quite a large property, among the rest, buying back the old family Homestead of Park Plain. He was probably the one who joined Friends, and was an eminent preacher among them. His character for integrity and honesty was so marked that it was said his neio;libors and friends would never ‘take a receipt from him, always declaring that they wished no better bond than old John Tatum’s word. In an old diary kept by a Friend named Samuel Mickle, in the latter part of that century, his preaching is very frequently referred to as being of great value. Under date of Gtli month, loth, 1799, when S. M. had gone to meeting under the burden of a ditficiilty with a neighbor, he writes:

“Beset in meeting by ye enemy of all good who has been endeavoring to stir up strife between my next neighbor and me! We read, ’ when ye sons of God came to present themselves before ye Lord, Satan came also among them.’ So now he was bnsy with contriving and forming for me a parable, something similar. Had a conflict for a time endeavoring to rid it out of my mind, reasoning on the unsuitableness and impropriety (or rather abominableness) of such things employing my mind in a meeting for worship; at times getting a little ye better of it, and by turns it intruding on me. When dear John Tatum rose and signified he believed there were some in meeting to whom it had been a time of profit; but that there were some who had been assaulted by the enemy, — advising to resist the Devil and he will flee from thee; and to draw nigh to God and He will draw nigh to thee. Advising to attend to ye Divine principle of grace in ye heart, and to endeavor after humility, &c., etc. I well remember a similar disturbance of my mind, when ye same dear friend syrapathizingly addressed me in meeting (not by name) on ^-e 23d of 7 month, 1786, nearly as follows, part of which I noted down ye same day on a strip of paper, and, as it were by chance, laid my hands on it but a few days ago, — viz.: ‘There has been a state of some friend in this meeting brought to my mind, who has been agitated and disturbed by some outward cause or in ye mind. Endeavor to be resigned, my friend; in resignation there is safety. It is the enemy who endeavors to disturb and agitate thee, oh my friend.’”

This John Tatum was such a faithful attender of meetings that even his horses acquired the habit of it, and it is related that on one rare occasion, wdien the family were away from home on First day, the pair of horses which usually took them to meeting, became very restive about the usual time for going, and finally broke out of their stables, trotted along the well known road, turned into the meeting house yard, and were found standing meekly under the sheds waiting for meeting to break up.

He died in 1821, aged 82 years, leaving to each of
his four sons a large well-stocked farm, and an equivalent to each of his two daughters. To his son John,
wdio was born in 1767, he gave the Park Plain property, and there our mother was born. This John
married on 1st month, 16th, 1794, Hannah Pv,ogers,
dauoliter of William and Grace Rogers, influential
Friends and Elders of Evesham meeting, of Evesham,
New Jersey. He had nine children, of whom our
mother Mary Tatum was the sixth, and was born 3d
month, 28th, 1803.

Our mother’s father died 12th month, 12th, 183-4, four years after her marriage with our father, and I can remember him as a noble-looking gray-haired gentleman, standing on one occasion talking to my mother, while I held on timidly to her skirts. He was not a preacher like his father, but he possessed a character of remarkable integrity and uprightness, and was a man of mark in all southern New Jersey. A noted lawyer in that section of the country said of him, that there was “no man south of the Assanpink River better known or more highly respected than John Tatum.” He told one of his sons that ho had never sued but one man for debt in all his life, and that then he felt so uneasy with it that he stopped the suit, and paid the costs himself.

The G;randohildren will see therefore that on both sides they are descended from the royal blood of true, and honest, and God-fearing men and women, and I trust that this will be a strong incentive to them to suffer no blot of dishonesty or sin of any kind to mar the family records.

Our father thus records in his B^eminiscences the story of his final success in this long hoped for marriage connection.

“About the time I entered into the Dry Goods business, a way was made for following up an engagement more interesting, and which had often occupied my thoughts for some six years; and now through Divine favor, if nothing should prevent, I hoped the consummation of my wishes in this respect was not far distant. I felt myself very unworthy of my friend Mary Tatum, but it was my prayer to be made worthy, knowing that in Christ alone was all my hope and dependence.”

A letter written by our father while he was waiting for a favorable answer to his suit, shows so unmistakably his unwavering purpose to have the guidance of the Lord in this important event of his life, that I give an extract:

Id month, Uih, 1830.

“If I should tell my much loved friend that my mind is entirely and undividedly with her, only a small part of what I feel would be expressed; nor do I believe anything that could be said would give an adequate idea of the unlimited, unbounded manner I feel drawn to thee. Please excuse me for thus giving way to the ardency of my mind, but being almost constantly with thee in meditation, have been led thus to express myself. ....

.... I assure thee it has been and is the prayer of my .soul that thou may be rightly directed. I have desired thou might be blessed with the descending of Heavenly Dew, and under a sense of the Presence of Him who can alone direct safely, lay the matter before Him, and beg His direction, and I have no doubt but thou wilt receive instruction, that will not mislead. In all my manytrials and difficulties, I have found nothing so safe, so beneficial for me, as to get down very low, find the Presence of the lowly Jesus and lay my case before Him, and beg His assistance, and direction. Thou may think it a little strange for me thus to write, but I have thy interest too much at heart not to wish thee to move in and under the care of Him, to whom alone I look for all my blessings. And I should esteem it one of the greatest temporal ones, if according to His will, to be more closely united to thee. John Woolman says, if I recollect the exact words, ‘In a world so like a desolate thorny wilderness, how comfortable! how safe! to follow the leadings and teachings of Christ the true Shepherd, who knows His sheep and is known of them.’ And, my dear M., thou hast my fullest sympathy. I think I can truly say I feel with thee the necessity of being rightly directed in all the undertakings of this pilgrim state. In a few more years, days, or perhaps hours, and we shall be numbered with our fathers. How important .then is it to have the approving company of that Friend who is mighty to save, and who turns not a deaf ear to those who call upon Him in sincerity and truth. Believe I may in truth beg thee to throw a veil of charity over this letter, and say I remain thy most aftectionately attached

friend.”

J. MiCKLE W.

In another letter he writes:

8th month, 22d, 1830. “I am firmly convinced that nothing in this world can give solid satisfaction apart from a humble dependence on, and strict obedience to the inward precious voice of Christ, our only and true Shepherd, who very often condescends to teach, and again to teach even those who foolishly slight His monitions. Oh what an injury we do to ourselves when we disobey the Heavenly Guide! How much misery we might escape, how much uncertainty and peri)lexity would be avoided, if we could only bring ourselves quietly to give up our wills, and when occasion offers, to sit down and patiently wait upon the Lord. How the paths of those shine who have Christ only for their Teacher, who, feeling anxious to please Him, and to live only to Ilim, are very attentive to His holy Voice.”

Nearly forty years afterwards our father thus tells
the story of their marriage day:

“We were married at Woodbury, New Jersey, in Friends’ meeting house there, on 11th month, otii, 1830, I being one day over thirty years old, and my precious darling in her twenty-eighth year. She had been quite poorly some days before, and the weather was very stormy for a week before the wedding day, so that I felt some anxiety lest Mary Tatum would be too sick to venture out. However, when the morning of the 5th dawned the sun shone out brightly, and to my joy the bride elect, not willing to be behind, arose and put on her wedding garments, being much better, in fact entirely well. So on that beautiful day 11th month, 5th, 1830, I was given by my Heavenly Father the very sweetest wife upon this earth, who from that day to this has been a true help-mate, my greatest earthly treasure, the Lord be praised! Thus after six years of affectionate interest, the desire of my heart was given to me, unworthy as I am. The day after our marriage we rode to our home in Philadelphia, at the house of my sisters at the corner of Race and Seventh sts. This day was very fine also, a most delightful one indeed. These two fine days were given to ^ls, I then thought, and still think, right in the midst of a rainy, stormy season; for it rained the next day, and continued pretty much the same kind of weather for some days after, as it had been before. Truly, we have cause for thanks and praise to a kind Providence.”

Our father’s first letter to his newly made wife written and sent up from his store one morning, is too characteristic of him, and too full of his deepest wishes for
their united lives to be omitted. It was apparently
written at his place of business, and probably sent
home to cheer the heart of his loved one.

Philadelphia, I’llh month, IZth, 1830.

“My dearest Mary may suppose, and perhaps with truth, that I may have seen her often enough, and had opportunities enough to talk with her, without resorting to the more distant method of writing. But then as an apology, if one is needed, I can say that being unemployed I thonghl a little time employed in thus conversing with thee, my dear love, would be acceptable, at least to myself. I feel much pleased in having been led home this morning just at the time I came. It is indeed a very great favor to have food, and instruction fresh from the living Fountain of strength and holiness, to have the gospel preached in truth. I have been a long time under the apprehension that I should through my own unfaithfulness be cast oflf” as entirely unprofitable, be left to myself, and then what will become of me in whom is no good, no ability to resist evil. Oh, my beloved wife, if thou seest aught wrong in me, anything contrary to the disposition of a Christian, I beg thee to tell me of it, and not, through the fear of displeasing, omit doing thy duty. Thou hast a husband frail indeed and prone to fall. Mayest thou be qualified to assist him in that holy path, which leads to God, and in which it is his most earnest wish to walk, for well I know that for me there is no happiness but in its narrow bounds. How many hindering things we meet in this life to detain us from attending to the momentous concerns of another state, in which we surely shall reap such as we sow; how important then is it so to plant, that the fruit when gathered shall be eternal life. I have many times admired and coveted after that dedication of spirit which dear John Woolman experienced, for I feel and know that Jesus is indeed worthy to be followed and obeyed in all things, loved, and honored, and feared above all. “u, that He would indeed enable us, my dear wife, to journey forward; that He would say, ‘Ye have compassed this mountain long enougli,’ and would cause His cloud to point the way, and Himself lead us therein. I deeply feel that unless He save me I shall perish, that I have no might nor power, and at times no ability to hardly think of good. I have in thee, my dear, all I looked for and much better than I deserve, and I humbly hope to be preserved from hurting in any way thy tender feelings; the bare thought of which quite tries me. Thou asked me to-day if I walked through that beautiful square with diminished affection. I can answer thee no, but can say tiuit if it is possible to love thee more now than I did then, I feel it. Farewell, ray love, and believe me in the bonds of the tenderest affection, thy own J. M. W.”

LEAVIIvTJ- THE SEA AND MARRIAGE. 175

Our father and mother upon their marriage went home to live with his father and sisters in their house at the S. E. corner of Race and Seventh streets, my mother assuming the housekeeping. This arrangement continued for two years. But after my birth, which occurred 2d month, 7th, 1832, they decided to go to houselvceping alone, and moved to a house in Ninth above Pace, where they resided for several years.

The letters during these early years are full of domestic and family details, and a few extracts will perhaps give a more real picture of our father during this time than could be gained in any other way.

Phila., 5th month, 29th, 1832.

“Although so little time has passed since I verbally coramnned with my beloved Mary, that one might suppose it most too soon to write yet I could not resist the inclination, having time at command, to tell her that I often think of her and dear little Hannah. As I was mending her carriage to-day, M. E. came to look on, and after awhile said, ‘I wish I was as good as little Hannah,’ thereby, I think, manifesting an awaking of mind to her sinful condition. She seems to be improving, and I hope may become a plant in the garden of the Lord * * * * X think it might be as well for thee and for Baby to remain in Jersey another week after this present one. As to cleaning house, that has been attended to, and the matting is all put down, excepting in the front parlor, and that will be done this afternoon. I had the back parlors and entries completely clay-washed, and they look better and of a lighter shade than the former coat. I procured a man and his wife to do the whitewashing, etc., which cost eight dollars. We also employed a woman to scrub paint, floors, etc., who with Patience’s help, which by the way has been very efficient, they got nearly through seventh day. As it is now nearly over, thou mayest rest easy, and not feel constrained to haste homeward on that account. My reasons for having house cleaning done in thy absence was to prevent thee from ex-

17G JOHN M. WIIITALL,

posing thyself and working too hard. My heart often is pained to see thee taking so much care and trouble, and appear so fatigued, and I well knew thou wouldst do more than any one beside, if about house when such operations were going on.”

m month, SOth, 1832.

‘’The acceptable letter of ray own loved one came safely to hand yesterday, and truly it was warmly welcomed. My heart was cheered in hearing of your being both well. My little H., too, is so sweet and lovely that really I can hardly resist the inclination to take my departure for the purpose of joining you to-day * * * * I have had some further consultation with sisters about moving, and have also spoken to father. The latter, after I mentioned all the circumstances, appeared to approve of the proposed change as being likely to administer to thy comfort. Sisters and myself, after considering the matter in its various bearings and consequences, unite in believing it would be better for us to keep the concern until the commencement of vacation, which will begin the 28th of next month, four weeks from to-day. * * * * It is most delightful weather and I suppose thou, my love, fully enjoys it; dear little Han. too, her father misses her very much and often thinks and speaks of her. It is not, I know, necessary for me to say so to thee, for thou well knowest that thou art my dearest earthly treasure.

Whether I see you to-day or not, I remain with love to kind brother and sister, and kiss to baby, thy affectionate friend, brother and husband. J. M. W.”

m. month, dth, 1832. ‘’ Writing or talking to my loved one is so pleasing an employment, that I cou-ld not think of taking half a sheet to send her, although one might suppose that having parted with thee only this morning I could have nothing to say to fill a whole one. * * I will, if nothing prevents, send thee a ‘Cholera Express’ to-morrow. To-day 154 new cases and o8 deaths are reported, considerable increase from yesterday! The President of the Kensington Bank died yesterday with cholera, and the Cashier of Commercial Bank is ill of it. * * * While at Woodbury this morning I felt a little sick, and procured some crude camphor of G. M. Paul, which relievetl me entirely, and after the stage set oflT, felt no more of it.

I had a feeling that for my part, if it was the Divine pleasure that I should die, that for many and various considerations I could not wish to live. Not that I am tired of the cares and difficulties of life, but because since it is from our Heavenly Father that we have life and health and all things, if it is His plan to take us, it must be best; for what Christian doubts that He orders all things aright. If not a sparrow falls to the ground without His permission, surely those who know the Lord, have nothing to fear in being taken from this world, and perhaps an early removal may be the best thing that could have happened. !Many misses and slips that might have overtaken us will be avoided; and of what advantage would or could it be to live in this world if so doing was contrary to the will of Providence.”

Phila., nth month, llth, 1833.

My Dear Wife: — As I expect to receive a letter from thee during thy visit to Woodbury, believe it best to set thee an example by sending thee one, although having nothing to say that looks at all interesting, beyond informing thee how we all are. Dear little Hannah spent the afternoon of First day at aunties’ and enjoyed herself much. I called for her after meeting and brought her home. My friend, G. H., called and we all took tea from the circular table, (my notion) Hannah demeaning herself very well. After tea I undressed her and she, helping me carry the lamp, went very quietly and sweetly to bed, wide awake. She rested well, better than usual, with the exception that towards three o’clock, finding herself in bed with me she said, ‘Kiss dah,’ and crawled up and put her wide open mouth on my face and said, ‘Dah.’ And when I got up a little before four to call the girls, she called out very pitifully for ‘Baba.’ This morning she was quite well, and has been so all day, and a very good little girl. She says, ‘Mover and baby gone Derdy,’ and sometimes adds ’ meeting.’ She sends love to ’ mover and baby.’

I feel as though not one idea could be got at to write anything more, and if this epistle, or scrawl rather, is dulj and uninteresting, it is because the writer is incapable of doing better, who if he knows his own feelings, is very willing to say and do many things to interest thee, and who feels himself very unworthy of the many continued favors and mercies bestowed upon him in many, very many ways. And he esteems it not the least to have a wife given hini whom he entirely loves and confides in. Kiss to dear little Sally from her father and sister, and with love to all, I remain thy affectionate husband.” J. M. Whitall.

Phila., Ufh month, ISth, 1833.

“The acceptable favor of my dear Mary came safely to hand about one o’clock this day by John Watson, and truly it was welcome * *

Dear little Hannah shows many traits of the fallen nature, but she also finds her father firm to deny her of such things as would be improper for her to have, and which causes considerable squalling at times, yet I think she improves in this respect. * * *

Fifth day morning bright and early. Dear little Hannah says, ‘I want writen e mover,’ so I resign the pen to her. -^ * * As I said in the forepart of this sheet, yesterday I conceived Hannah was a little unwell, but find I was mistaken. She slept well, and this morning is as bright and lovely as a baby need be; she is sitting beside me playing with all the tea-spoons she can reach from the breakfast table, and just now she seized my pen and said, ‘Write e mover.’ She kissed this sheet for mother and baby. Dear little girl, ray heart yearns over her and my prayers at times arise that she may early experience redeeming grace to guide her and keep her from the evil which abounds in the world, and little Sally too. I would rather, than that they should grow up graceless, if it were the will of their Heavenly Father, to follow them to an early grave. So farewell, my own dearly beloved one, says thy

Affectionate husband,

J. M. W.”

The little Sally referred to in these letters was born od month, 7th, 1833, in the Ninth st. house. In 1834, 9th month, 3d, a little boy James was added to the family, and on 2d month, 24th, 1836, the youngest daughter Mary was born. These four have lived to maturity, and have had the sweet joy and privilege of ministerinor to the decliniuG; vears of their tenderlv loving parents. Another baby boy named John S., was born 10th month, 5th, 18-10, whose bright and sunny little life was cut short at the early age of two and a half years. He was an uncommonly lovely child, and the especial delight of our father, whose guileless and childlike nature seemed always to respond in a peculiar way to baby life. I remember very well the fun he and his baby boy would have together at the table, when the time came for the silent moment of thanksgiving, with which we always began our meals. Johnny would roguishly clap his fat little hands and call out, ‘’ Farver, come put down Johnny’s hands.” Our father would rise and q;o over to the little hio-h chair, but no sooner would he reach it than Johnny would put his hands demurely under the table, and looking as solemn as a judge, would say, ‘’Johnny good boy now, farver may sit down.” Our father upon this would return to his seat, but as soon as he was comfortably seated, up would go Johnny’s hands again, and he would burst into a fit of roguish laughter and again call out, “Farver, come put Johnny’s hands down.” Over and over would this scene be enacted, and hard as our father would try to show disapproval, he could not help entering into the fun of it, and would laugh almost as much as Johnny. He often used to say that he was afraid if Johnny had lived he would have been spoiled, and though his death was a great grief, our parents accepted it with peaceful resignation, as being the sweet will of God and therefore surely best.