General Maxims for Conversation
§ 1. Endbavour to know mankind, and properly to distinguish their characters. — Do not suspect all; do not trust all. — Never put yourselves and your usefulness in the power of any. — Believe not every account of a character that is given, especially if it comes from the lips of an intimate friend, or a real enemy.- — Observe every sudden alteration of persons’ countenances and behaviour, particularly on extraordinary emergencies.
2. Behave with constant modesty to all.- Never offer your services in any of the duties of your functions upon public occasions. — Nor on the contrary obstinately refuse your seryices ,when they are requested. — *Do not appear highly satisfied, nor much displeased with your own performances; to find fault with them appears like inviting praise, and to discover a good opinion of them will always be construed into pride. Do not therefore even make them the subject of conversation. Boast not of the labour you bestowed on your compositions, nor of the ease with which you dispatched them. — Do not repeat the substance of your discourses unsolicited. — Upon the whole, neither appear to hunt for reputation; nor to despise it.
§ 3. Treat every body with condescension and complaisance, but not with the same sort Remember that the rich tradesman generally
Stands more upon ceremony than those who are of the highest birth and most refined education. — Frankness pleases country people, to whom formal bows are very contemptibjie. — Never depend upon merit without complaisance.-^ As you must at times refuse invitations, study to do it in the most obliging manner. — Be nearly upon a level with your company, and do not attempt to outshine them too far.- Remember to send people away as well pleased with themselves as you can without flattery, which is always to be abhorred. And for this purpose endeavour to think as well of others as you reasonably can; and be iwt too sharp-sighted to discover faults nor too severe in censuring them.
§ 4. Preserve a character of strict Udelity. And for this purpose be exact, but not confident in repeating facts. — Take heed not to talk too much. — Promise little, and when you have made promises, be punctual in performance; rather do more than you have promised than less, and sooner than later. — Take heed of seeming to be every body’s man. — Never show so much complaisance in one company as to be inconsistent with what you show in another.
^5. Have no quarrels, if possible, with any; but especially with persons of eminent reputation, — por of no reputation at all. — If you have received any injury, forgive it heartily and not merely seem to do it. — If you remember it, let it be only to make you cautious, and do such persons all the kindness you can. — This is the best way of taking revenge. — When you have, through negligence of heart done any thing that may justly offend, frankly confess it and ask pardon. — If you have asserted any thing that you find to be a mistake, confess it, and be thankful for better information.
§ 6. Affect not to pry into the circumstances of families; you have business enough of your own, and be not forward to give directions in their worldly affairs; but if you see they are going to ruin, reprove them seriously at proper seasons. Sometimes a plain, seri- ous address may save a family. — Labour on such occasions, to get such a knowledge of their situation as will enable you to give suitable counsel. Be not however too forward in giving it. When your people are distressed, do all you can to comfort and assist them; — keep up your acquaintance with substantial persons by whose assistance you may be a help to others.
§ 7. Affect not a priestly authority. — If you fix with a church of a congregational form, give them all the satisfaction you reasonably can. — Wean your people insensibly from an excessive attachment to particular forms; especially by expositions on ’ detached portions of scripture. — When you speak to the church as such, do it always with a mixture of tenderness and respect. Remember Christ has given his ministers no power over mens persons, possessions or judgment. — All we have to do is to advise and admonish — Remember what a disgrace it is to quarrel with a society under your care, and endeavour to avoid whatever has the Jeast tendency towards it.
§ 8. Live above all appearance of worldly-mindedness; and not only the appearance but the thing itself. — Be satisfied and thankful for what you have, but do not make a great show of plenty; especially before those of. known generosity, or great covetousnes.-Manage your expenses with frugality. — Keep an account of what you receive, and what you expend. — - Remember that a minister loses * much of his respectability and influence when he has the charactar of one who spends too fast, unless it evidently appears that it is owing to nbthing but excess of liberality; and an excess even in that does not, on the whole raise his character. — Be sure, [however, to lead the way, as far as you prudently can, in all generous expenses. — All you have is, in one way or another, to be devoted to Grod: — and to him you are to trust to provide for you and yours. — Do not attempt to screw up your people to a subscription beyond their power; if they do not give you what is necessary, it is a just cause for removal.
§ 9. Talk not of leaving your people, till you see your way clear; and after all, be very cautious. If you are in a large congregation where you are beloved and useful, and have the conveniences of life in any moderate degree, the increase of income, provided it be not absolutely necessary to your support, is a wretched reason for leaving a charge.-Nor is the pleasantness of situation or a desire to be nearer your relations much to be regarded, if you have your health. — The presence of God and success in your labours are the main things to be attended to.
§ ] 0. When differences arise, do your utmost to compose them. — Plead with each of the paities by themselves, but side not hastily with either. — Avoid arbitration, lest you make yourselves enemies, and rather procure some other person to arbitrate the affair, than expose your* self to censure, and your usefulness to danger.
11. Be cautious in undertaking any thing, or of resolutely pursuing what you have begun. — Scatter some flying reports of a thing before you do it, that you may see what people think of it. — Stake not your reputation upon any thing you undertake; Use proper instruments for things not very agreeable to the church and congregation or neighbourhood, whenever it be necessary such things should be done. Leave room for an honorable retreat, and appear not to be much impressed with the disappointment.
§ 12. Observe proper times for talking. Reprove very tenderly and respectfully, when you do it personally. Let it always be in secret. Sometimes you may drop a hint, which may give a person room to reprove himself, in mixed companies; especially if you have reason to believe he is not aware you know bis faults. Have proper stories and passages from authors for this purpose. Sometimes lend books, and mark the most remarkable passages. 6*