London, December 4, 1798
MY DEAR SIR,
IT is high time to bring you into my debt again, as you were before I received yours of the Tth November. I am glad to find that you are more and more engaged in useful services, even though it should render your letters shorter and less frequent than formerly. I know not that my business is much upon the increase, but my ability to manage it is certainly upon the decline. I once could sit many hours in the day at my pen, now two hours weary me. I begin to feel a want of that energy and application, which I have sometimes possessed; and I am afraid lest I exculpate myself too easily by charging the whole blame upon old age: yet I cannot reasonably expect to do as much at 74 as I could at 50.
I cannot with truth plead guilty to the charge of wilful indolence: yet upon a review of almost every day, it seems to have passed in a sort of busy idleness. We are directed even if we have done our duty, to confess ourselves unprofitable servants — what then must I say, conscious that I come so lamentably short in all things, and that my best attempts are both defective and defiled?
On Friday the 23d, when rising, after a good night, and in perfect health, I fell down. I fell several times before I was convinced that I could net stand. The strength of my left leg was withdrawn, without any pain or numbness. I was, for a time, led about the room, not being able to walk across it, without support. I kept house on the Lord’s day. But means were used, and the prayers of my affectionate people and friends prevailed for a blessing on them. Last week I was enabled to preach both Wednesday and Thursday (the Thanksgiving-day.) Yesterday I preached twice, and distributed the bread at the Lord’s table to more than 300 communicants, and to-day I have walked more than a mile in the streets; so that you may set me down as xvell: and I hope you will praise the Lord on my behalf, and continue to pray for me.
The missionaries, who brought your letter, called when I was at church; they did not come again, so that I have not seen them. One married missionary named ***, was with me two hours, and I liked him much. They seem to be chiefly very young folks; but if their hearts and views be right before the Lord, he will teach them to profit apace, and enlarge their minds and experience, as occasions require. There is none teacheth like him, and where he bestows a humble and dependent spirit, every other good will follow. I suppose by this they are all safe on board the Duff, at Portsmouth. May the Lord of the sea and the dry land, who steered the ark of Noah to its appointed place, bless them while on their passage, and dwell in their hearts and houses, wherever his providence may fix them!
I loved J*** L***. I believe he was a truly upright honest man, though in some things a little eccentric. I know he has long been a sufferer, and therefore I am not sorry that the days of his mourning are ended. I have lost a true friend, but my loss is his gain, and I trust we shall soon meet in a better world.
You send good news of M***. May the Lord strengthen and bless him! When great awakenings take place among people who are grossly ignorant of the scriptures, there are frequently some extraordinary appearances. It was so among our first Methodists, under Messrs. Wesley, Whitfield, Berridge, &c. It was so in the great revival in America, which began under Mr. Edwards: so likewise at Kilsyth. The Lord permits it, perhaps for two reasons: 1st, These stirs engage the attention of the neighbourhood, and prompt many to hear, who otherwise would not. 2d, There are those who want something to cavil at, and these things furnish them with the occasions they wish for, according to the prophecy, Isai. viii. 14, 15. The light comes; but they who love darkness think themselves justified in opposing the light, on account of these incidental blemishes, which, therefore, they are glad to expatiate upon. Messrs. ****’s were good men, but they were bigots in the extreme; and because they had left the kirk, they took it for granted that the Lord had forsaken it likewise, and therefore hastily concluded that the work could not be his. I have heard that they fasted, and prayed the Lord to put a stop to it. Well may we say, “Lord what is man!”
I thank you for your notes of Colonel Blackader.* I expected his letters, though only written to his wife, would afford some variety. I hope you will, at least, find enough for a publication. The memory of such a man, in such a situation,
* One of these notes was the following short, but remarkable letter, written by the Colonel to Lady — — Campbell at Stirling, from the field of battle at Blenheim, dated August 2, 1704, said to be written on a drum head, instead of a table.
“I am just now retired from the noise of drums, 6f oaths, and dying groans. I am to return in a few minutes to the field of battle, and wrapping myself up in the arms of Omnipotence, I believe myself no less safe as to every valuable purpose, than if silting in your ladyship’s closet.”
should be preserved, and his example held up for the instruction of our modern warriors.
Mr. Grimshaw has been three weeks with the printer to-day, but I have only one sheet from the press — at this rate we may wait till March for his appearance: but I hope we shall go on faster. Poor authors have need of a good stock of patience. However, all our concerns are in a higher hand, and I hope Mr. Grimshaw will be seen, whether sooner or later, just at the right time.
The close of your letter pleases me. I shall rejoice to see you once more before I go hence. Forecast, and contrive to stay as long as you possibly can, and be sure to reserve one whole day for me. On a Tuesday or a Saturday I can usually be at home from morning till night. Hoping to have you soon, I shall conclude with my prayers and best wishes for your welfare. The Lord bless thee, and keep thee, and cause his face to shine upon thee. I only add Miss C*##’s respects, and subscribe myself, with love to all friends,
Your very affectionate,
J. N.