The Christian's Chequered Life
The believer’s life is changeful and chequered. The path along he is retracing his steps back to paradise, is paved with stones of variegated hues. And vet, painfully diversilied as are often the events in his historv, that IS as essential to the symmetry and completeness of his Christian character as are different shades of colourinoto the perfection of a picture, or as opposite notes in music are to the creation of harmonv. - 1 .vill sing of mercy and of Judgment; unto Thee, 0 Lord, will I sing.” Mrs. Winslow was called to record two events in her domestic historv, sinTuJarlv illustrative of this thought, in which two characteristic features of her Christianity were beautifully exhibited — her unwavering faith m suflfering, and her grateful spirit in jov.
The first event to which we refer was the ‘death of her son
Y :• H^s conversion has been alluded to. From the
time that he became a subject of Divine grace, durino- the revival already narrated, he was to her, in the highest sense, a dear son, a ‘pleasant child,’ ‘tenderlv loved of his mother’ ihey took sweet counsel together, and walked to the house of ^od m company. It was often his privilege to speak a word ot heart-cheer when her soul was depressed, and, by his filial aflection and sympathy, to fling many a warm sunbeam upon her lone and shady path. He was in all respects worthy of the grief she thus touchingly records in her Diary of his decease: — “^
“April 2nd. — The Lord has again laid His chasenino- hand upon me, but in love. Dear Henry is gone home, and I am a bereaved mother. He sleeps in Jesus, that is mv only coratort; and oh, what a comfort it is! Oh, to be with Jesus — that IS happiness. It is happiness to walk with Him here, but what happiness to see Him as He is, and to behold His glory. And now, dear, precious Henry, thou art beholding [191] “^
Him in all His glory, whom thou didst long to nee coming in that glorv in the clouds of heaven. How highly favoured thou hast been! Oli for fiiith to see this, to me, painful dispensation in its true light. Let not your heart he troubled; ye believe in God, believe also in me. Lord, I believe; help thou my unbelief. Oli, to lielieve that Jesus is indeed at the right hand
of God! If He is there, H is there too, and I shall meet
him again. On the resurrection of Christ depends our eternal all. Upon that single and glorious truth hinges every other. If that be true, all that He has said, all that He has promised, and all that He has engaged to do, is true. Lord, increase
my faith, and sanctify this trial to us all. Dear received
the mouniful intelligence, and immediately left home, and
came to me, to comfort me under my trouble. Dear H
was taken to his happy rest on Saturday morning, and spent a happy Sabbath with the Lord of the Sabbath. He was fully prepared for the change, and was more fitted for heaven than for earth. The world seemed to have no charms for him. It had lost its hold for a long period. He was livmg in full expectation of Christ’s coming, and now he is with Him whom he so ardently longed to see. Day and night he was looking for Him, as if hastening unto the coming of the Lord; so that Christ was in all his thoughts. Ought I not to rejoice that he has realized his wish, though not in the way he anticipated? When he had to grapple with the ‘last enemy,’ he feared not death; and, to use his own words, ’ longed to clap his glad wings and fly to Jesus.’ May God, in His tender mercy, be the Father to the fatherless, and the widow’s God.”
“5th. — I love to contemplate him there, to think of the welcome he has received, first from Jesus, and then from the dear ones who had gone a little before him. All is now perfect knowledge, perfect purity, perfect love. If communion with departed spirits is attainable, I have realized something of it. I have felt such a nearness to him, and such soothing from knowing that he was quite safe and happy with Christ. How sweet, how comforting is the thought that I shall see him sooner than if he had continued on earth. Heaven is nearer to me than New York.* This affliction has wafted me closer to my happy home. Oh to realize it fully even here.’’
*” Do you think your daughter lost, when she is but sleeping in the bosom of the Almighty? Think her not absent who is in such a Friend’s house. Is she lost to you. who is found to Christ? He is an ill debtor
A few extracts from one or two letters penned at this time of her affliction will still further evidence the submissive, heaven-breathing spirit with which she bowed to this chastening of love. She thus addresses the bereaved widow of her son: —
“What can I say to comfort you, my dear J, in this
heavy trial, while I feel heartbroken myself? I trust ere this the true Comforter has enabled you to cast your heavy burden upon Him, who has promised to be a Father to the fatherless, and the widow’s God. The shock that I have received has brought me a little nearer to my home; and my great comfort is that I shall see my dear child much sooner than if he had remained where he was. Heaven seems nearer to me than New York, and dear Henry nearer too. It seems but a step and I am there, where there is no more sin, nor death, and where all tears are for ever wiped away. This is a vale of tears. I have been a child of sorrow, and yet not one trial too many have I had. Dear Henry was more fit for heaven than for earth. The Lord has been weaninsr him from thintrs below for some time, preparing him for a better home above. He was looking for Jesus, and longing to see Him, and the Lord has given him his wish in His own wav and time. We must not look at second causes. Every circumstance connected with God’s children, living or dying, is ordered by Himself. He has not gone a moment sooner or a moment later than God had appointed. Chosen in Christ before the world was, so were all things connected with him here wisely and mercifully ordered. Oh, I love to think of him with Jesus, mingling with the pure spirits above, and long to join them.... Go to Jesus for all you need. Take Him as your true, your best, your only Friend. There is not another like Him. Take Him as your brother born for adversity. The oftener you go to Him, the more welcome you will be, and the better acquainted. You were His child before, but now you are His widowed child, and have a double claim upon Him. Put in your claim. Do not first iro to an arm of fiesh, and then to Christ. But go to Christ first, before you make up your nnnd as to the course you should take. Aim to bring up your children for eternity. May the Lord bless, comfort, and guide you, is my constant prayer.”
who payetli that which he horroweth with a grudge. Prepare yourself; you are nearer your daughter this day than yesterday. It is self-love in us that maketh ua mourn for them that die in the Lord.’’ — Hiiiher/ord.
lOi MEMOIR OF MRS. MARY WIXSLOW.
TO MRS. C-
“I have not written to you for some time, although my thoughts have wandered to you. I have been in trouble. The Lord has laid His loving hand again upon me. I know it is in love to mv soul, and not one unkind feelins: has lurked in my heart towards llini. He has taken home to His own bosom one of my dear and justly loved sons; rny dear Henry is with Jesus. He has sweetly housed my child, leaving me one the less on earth, and one more to welcome me to glory. Dear friend, in spite of all I know of His goodness, my poor heart has deeply felt this stroke, and the shock to my nerves has brought me a little nearer to the grave; but the support and consolation I have experienced under it, have amply repaid me for all I have suffered. Oh the goodness of God towards unworthy me! What can I render unto Him for all His loving-kindness and tender mercies towards me and my departed one? I have not the shadow of a doubt of his happiness at this moment. There was not one in my family, not myself excepted, who was so thoroughly prepared for this great change as he. He was brought to the feet of Jesus at nineteen, and since then has held on his wav, carrvins: out the principles of the gospel in his life and conversation. He had much of the Spirit of Christ, manifested in all kindness and benevolence, even, as some thought, to a fault. For the last two years he has been looking for the coming of Christ, and imagined, with many others, that the time was near. So did the Lord prepare him for his inheritance. Dear as he was, I would not recall him for a thousand worlds. If there is such a thing as communion with departed spirits, I think I have felt something of its sweetness. Oh the comfort, the rich consolation and blessing, this trying dispensation has aflforded me! It has enabled me to realize the unseen realities of the eternal world. •. I long to hear how your soul prospers. You are the Lord’s, His portion for ever; and He is training you and me for our happy inheritance. Oh, let us try and live up to it. What are the various sorrows of the way, compared with the glory that shall be revealed in us? May the Lord lead us into an experimental knowledge of Jesus. *No other is worth having, living or dying. As I draw near the confines of eternity, how poor and contemptible is evervthin? that has not Chri’st m It, — Christ first, Christ last, and’Chri*n all throui?h. Jesus mu3t be all in all, or He is nothing. Oh, to be ready, quite
A mother’s prayer answered. 195
ready, to obey the welcome summons, to believe all that God has promised us in His word, and to live more under the sanctifying influence of the Holy Spirit within us. We must honour the Spirit more than we do, and He will honour us, by revealing more of Christ to us, and in us the hope of glory....”
From her diary. —” Received a letter from J, announcing the death of her mother, six weeks after my dear H.
This is a severe stroke to her. May it lead her closer to Jesus. She would, perhaps, have leaned more upon her mother than upon Christ, and so He removed this prop too. He will have His people lean upon Him alone. I hope she was ready for the change. Oh, to be quite ready! 0 Lord, keep me mindful of my latter end. Prepare me for that great change. Confirm me in the truth of Thy precious resurrection; and when the time comes, take awav all fear of death and the grave, and let me see Thy face. Thy welcome face, all through that dark valley, and give me an abundant entrance into Thy kingdom of glory above. Absent from the body, I shall be present with the Lord. To be with Thee, will be heaven. Come, Lord Jesus, come quickly,”
The second event to which we refer (although not occurring at the same time) was well calculated to illustrate another feature of her religion — her praiseful spirit in joy. The conversion of her daughter to Christ, was in answer to the Avrestlings which had broken the stillness of many a midnight hour, and was the precious fruit of a faith that had long and patiently travailed. Ever on the alert to win a soul to the Saviour, the decision of one for Him, so near and so justly beloved, would enkindle in her heart a joy such as none but a mother a Christian mother, and such a Christian mother, could feel. Her private journal thus records this pleasing occurence: —
“April 30th. — About two months ago, the Lord most graciously answered my prayers, in bringing my dearest E
to sit at the feet of Jesus. She is now a child of God, pardoned, justified, and adopted into His family, and walking in that narrow, blessed way that leads to life eternal. God be praised for His marvellous goodness to her and to me. Oh, he is, in very deed, a God hearing and answering prayer. I recei“P”e ^’t a a precious earnest of greater things to come. 0 dearest Lord, I cannot rest until all are called, and all call Thee blessed. A dear copnpany of believers meet several times in the week, unitedly lO pray and wrestle for the out-IPf) MEMOIR OF MRS. MARY WINSLOW.
{vouring of the Holy Spirit. This is what I have long been urging upon the minds of the pastor and the people, and no-wit has commenced. O Lord, hear! O Lord, pardon our lukewnrniness, and come with all Thy glorious train, and take a full possession of every heart, and bring rebellious sinners to relinquish their enmity, and bow to Thy rightful sceptre. Let Thy kingdom come, and Thy will be done on earth, even as it is done in heaven. Amen and amen.”
“Mav 10th. — Still feeble in bodv, but oh, how thankful at times! My heart overflows with love to Him who is to me an ocean of love. Eternity, eternity will only be sufficient for my song of praise and thanksgiving. Dear E ’s conversion has lifted me nearer to Grod. Jesus lives, still lives to answer prayer, and give life to the dead.”
^’Lo, God hath given thee all that sail irith thee — Acts xxvii. 24.
“Father! who o’er time’s boisterous tide
A precious bark art steering;
Mother! who anxious at his side
Each distant storm art hearing;
Bind j-e the promise to your heart,
Thus by the angel spoken;
Believe ye that j’our circle blest
Shall gain the port unbroken.
‘• When stranded on the rock of woe,
Life’s last faint watch-light burneth,
And shuddering toward that bourn to go
From whence no guest returneth, — Then may each bark your love has launch’d.
Gliding with sail unriven.
Send forth a seraph soul to form
Your family in- heaven.”
“God, in the riches of His grace, grant that it may be so with my own dear ones; and I believe it will, for God has said to me, / will he a Father to thy fatherless children. For Jesus’ sake, hear my prayer, 0 Lord, my God.”
TO oxp: of her soxs.
“My mind, body, and whole heart, are engaged in the blessed work of the Lord, which is no-, going orp Precious
E ’s conversion is a pledge to me of greater blessings to
come. God is a great God, and lip loveth to do great things like Himself; and I come not in n. y own most worthless name, but in the name of a great Saviour, in whom He is well pleased,
and who has said, Ask anything in my name, and I will do it.
Here is encouragement for a poor worm of the dust, to come
with large demands upon the royal bounty of the King of
kinii:3 and Lord of lords. We have constant meeting: for
...
prayer for the outpouring of the Holy Spirit. The hearts of
God’s people are stirred up to wrestle for the blessing, and be
assured we shall receive it, E ’s conversion has awakened
many to inquiry, and has done much good. She is indeed a
new creature. Glory to God in the highest, for this mighty
blessing.
“Last eveninsr dear Mr. Evans met his Bible class, both male and female, in the body of the chapel. It was full, and solemn as eternity. E returned with her mind much engaged, and rejoicing in the prospect of the blessings that would follow such a solemn and deeply interesting service.”
It often seems good to Him who is “excellent in council and wonderful in working,” to bring early to the proof the grace He early gives. Painful and mysterious as this may appear at the time, it is yet in after years that the reason, as the results, of such a procedure, is more apparent. When the duties of life increase, and with them, life’s trials — when a matured Christian experience, a strongly-developed character, and a mellowed judgment, are demanded, — it is ^/len the Christian reaps the golden harvest of his early training, and traces the infinite wisdom and love which in the first and gentlest evolvings of his faith marked for him a path of early suffering. Thus immense and far-reaching are the blessings which flow from sanctified sorrovp The illness of her daughter, while yet in the glow of her new-born joy, elicited from Mrs. “Winslow’s pen some of the most affecting expressions of her quick and tender sympathy. The following choice extracts, composed at this and at other periods, are culled from her
letters to her daughter.
“Dearest E,
“I have just been praying for you, and oh, that a good and gracious God might condescend to send down ansvv’ers of peace to the petitions offered in the name of Jesus, His own well-beloved Son. I cannot hear until to-morrow what Dr. Jephson says, and wishes you to do; so I must continue to look up. Oh for more precious faith; I feel I need
198 MEMOIR OF MllS. MARY WIXSLOW.
it. May you enjoy much of the presence of Him who can make a sick room a Bethel to your soul. All places where He is, are a heaven below. That presence can make every cup of affliction sweet. May God give all needful judgment to Dr. J., and incline you strictly to adhere to his advice, I have prayed continually that wisdom might be imparted to him. Now that you are in his hands, my mind is comparatively composed.”
“I have been desponding about you this morning, precious child. Oh that God, my God and your God, may answer my prayers in His rich mercy! I know that He always hears them. I believe that there is not a single petition put up by a child of His, however faintly expressed that petition may be, but He hears it. The smallest deo-ree of faith will send it not only into the ear, but into the heart of God. The Spirit indites it, and Christ, the believer’s surety and advocate, presents it, sprinkled with His own precious blood, to the Father. How can a poor believer ever fail, in his lowest state, of having the perfections of God — His power, love, and faithfulness — encircling him moment by moment? His tender heart now enters into all your weakness and pain, and all is sent in love to your precious soul, more precious in the sight of God than ten thousand worlds.”
“The Lord stretch forth His healing hand, and restore you to health and strength; and may He cause your soul, above all, to prosper and be in health. Surely our times are in His hands, who loves us better than we love ourselves. Oh, to trust Him wholly! He careth for us. How much easier at times it seems to trust Him with our eternal all, than with the inferior concerns of a few short and uncertain years. I have
just been reading the Journal of Sir A ’s Scripture Reader.
Sir A ’s remarks on the iniquity of removing such men
from a sphere of usefulness, on the plea that they interfere with clerical duties, are excellent... You are in your Father’s hands, and besides, Jesus was the healer of bodily disease, when on earth, as well as spiritual. Is He less so now? By no means. Have faith in this Physician; He is able, and as willing as He is able, to do us all possible good. Simple, childlike faith, a constant coming and looking to Jesus, will do wonders. Have not I called upon him in “trouble, times without number, and has He ever denied me? Never, no never in any one instance. Oh to know the character of God! When He imparts a glimpse even of Himself, it seems as if the heart could not contain what it feels. To behold Him in Jesus, sheds a holy mildness, gentleness, and lustre over all His srreat and glorious attributes, I am at a loss at times for language to express what I feel.”
“I often think, how could I live without a throne of grace! It is a sure refuge, a resting-place to mv soul, endeared bj a thousand most tender, soul-humbling, soul-refreshing interviews with the God of heaven, — the God of love to me and mine. How sweet to draw near to Him, and hear the whispers of the still, small voice of the Spirit, reproving, counselling, and soothing the too often turbulent and excited feelings of the soul! My dear child, you need never mourn that you are fatherless, since God, the eternal God, is your own Father, better than ten thousand earthly parents. Oh, trust Him fully; open your whole heart to Him; tell Him all you wish, all you feel, all you fear. Keep nothing back. He will remove all that is woi.g, set everything right, and keep you quietly resting in the embrace of His matchless love. It is a heaven below, to be passive in His hands, and know no will but His, believing that His is best.”
“Taploic. — I could sing of the praises of the Lord by day and by night. He is the joy of my heart; yea, He is my life. So may He ever be to you. Cling to Him, nor let Him go. If He hides himself behind a cloud, it is only to make you more earnest in seekinsr Him. Go ao-ain and asrain, until you find Him. Think of a poor sinful mortal holding converse with God, the mighty God, the everlasting Father! But so it is. Be not satisfied with a commonplace Christianity. How many there are who have no certainty as to their union with Christ, are satisfied with a lifeless form, and go no further. Ah, what losers they are! No tono-ue can tell the blessedness, when the believer can testify at times that he is with God, and that
God is with him. Give mv love to dear Ladv L, and to
dear C. I feel much love to that dear child. May the
Lord draw her nearer and nearer to Himself. He has given her one who fears Him, which is a sweet token to her of the love He has towards her. Let us watch the gracious hand of our God in all His eventful providences. How circumspect should we be, vet not walking in bondage, but as dear children, watched over and directed by a tender, loving Father, whose aim is to make us happy here, and eternally happy hereafter.”
“Yesterday we were at “Windsor Castle. It was a solemn sermon to my soul. AVlicre are all those kings and queens, and other great ones, whose pictures and monuments cover these walls? Where are they now? They have passed away, and all the ]»omp and show that surrounded them here has vanished with them. Oh, how trifling does everything appear hut the one thing needful! We, too, are passing avv-ay; and what a mercy if” enabled to say, ‘I am going to my Father’s home above, my happy home, prepared by Him who laid down His life for me.’”
“May the Lord in mercy keep us in health, best of all, in soul-prosperity; for I have had to learn that the wealth and honours of this poor, dying world cannot compensate for the loss of the sweet and precious life-giving influence of the Holy Spirit within. My soul has of late been much tried, so that it has been a trial to me to open my mouth in prayer; and often, when I did, a cloud would pass that obscured every ray of divine light. My soul seemed like a bark at sea, without a helm to steer or a pilot to guide it. And yet the Lord has not been quite out of sight in private prayer. Like Mary, I have been ready to say. They have taken away my Lord, and I know not lohere they have laid Him. And yet, like her, I have stood weeping and sorrowing after Him. This may be owing to a pressure on the nerves and an over-tried mind; but this I know, when I turn within to search for the cause, I see so much reason that God should thus chasten me, that I only wonder He should ever cast a look of mercy towards me. Unprofitable, unprofitable servant I feel I have been all my life, and am compelled to lay my mouth in the dust before Him, vSuch have been my feelings of late, and yet, though cast down, I am not in despair, blessed be God. When he has tried me, I shall come forth as gold, I trust, and shall yet praise Him who is the health of my countenance and my God.”
It was during this domestic trial — the illness of her daughter — that she received the following characteristic letter from her Pastor, the Rev. J. H. Evans, touchingly expressive of the sacred sympathy peculiar to the beloved writer.
•’ John Street. .July G.
“My beloved Friend and dearly-esteemed Sister ix
Jesus, our sympathizing Head, — “How much did I wish to see you vesterdav before you
- LETTER FROM REY. J. H. EYAXS. 201
left for Leamington, but it was out of my power. “We can do but little — nothing. Jesus has all, is all, can do all, and will put all forth in our necessities, be they ever so deep. You shall find him everything in this your need of all things — a very present help. We could never know His heart but for our troubles, never know His grace but for our worthlessness. There is a tenderness in the love of the Saviour which our miseries, I will not saw draw out, but exhibit. In no other school could we learn it. Be not afraid, dear and precious sister, of the form in which His loving hand has placed you; He will come and sit by you, and should it be painful to the flesh and the spirit too, He can smooth it. One smile of his can
dry up all your tears. Your dear and precious E is more
near to Him than she is to you, dearly as you love her. Oh! leave her in His hands. He has a right to her. And whether He lend her to you for a little longer or not, yet He ill have you trust her with Him. His is a tender bosom, and tenderly has He borne up your weary head in many a wearying day, and sleepless night. He said that He would, and He has done it according to His word, and He will yet do it, because He has said that He will.
“I was lately told of a dear brother who said that when he first thought of losing his only daughter — and he had but one other child — he felt that he could not part with her; but when he followed her body into the churchyard it seemed as if he was going to her wedding. This was the husband of Lady L. S. What cannot grace do? Dear and precious sister, may the all-sufficient God and precious Saviour be your sufficient help in your deep trial. He alone can. My best love to dear
0 and his wife. Thank her for her kind letter. My
tender love to dear E., when she can bear to be told of it.”
FROM HER JOURNAL.
‘■Brighton, Feb. 6. “Came here a week ago. ... I have just had some sweet intervievrs with a young Christian for whom the Lord has done o-reat things. Surrounded by worldly connexions and worldlv prosperity, yet brought to sit at the feet of Jesus, and blessedly taught by the Spirit, I was interested to find so young a creature in so short a time (only two years) with such a deep experience of spiritual things. The Lord has laid ill health at her door, so that she has her cross to carry, but it has been most graciously sanctified to her soul’s best interests..., Tlic Lord be praised for all His tender mercies and loving-kindnesses — unceasmg and unwearying as His love. My continual shortcomings, and oflcoming for forgiveness again and again, does not exhaust Him. I should have wearied out the whole host of heaven before this; but Jesus is never wearied with hearing the cries of His poor tried and tempted saints. Always are they welcome, and I think the oftener I go, the more welcome 1 am. Not a frown upon that countenance towards one who really feels his need of Him. A smiling welcome, fraught with mighty blessings, which, while it gladdens the heart, fills the soul with a humbling sense of its own vileness, — humbled in self, exalted in Christ.”
“I want to live more on high, — more above the world and all its little thinos. Oh, for wisdom to enable me to dischar<re all relative duties without being cumbered; to live in heavenly places in Christ Jesus. The Lord has strengthened me to maintain family worship; the people of the house regularly attending, and gratified in being permitted to come. The Lord helps me to speak a word now and then in His name, and gives me liberty in prayer; and yet I feel quite unequal in body and mind. I feel it a cross, but dare not withdraw Mav the Lord forgive all my mistakes, my reluctance to do what I felt it was my duty to do. But oh, how good and how kind He has been to me! What a God, no one can know or tell but myself. It almost breaks my heart when I think of the wondrous love He bears towards one so utterly worthless. I am wearied to find I do not get on, except in knowing more of my wretchedness and vileness, and more of the sufficiency of Jesus, and the absolute necessity of going to Him for everything I need, and living upon Him moment by moment. But this is to be learnt out by means of much ploughing of the Holy Ghost upon the renewed heart, and this through the providence of God. God’s providence acts as the handmaid to faith; and there is not a truth in God’s word but what must be learnt out in the same way and by the same process. Oh, to be a real Christian! This is no easy matter. How many trials and crosses, ups and downs, are needful to fit us for the mansion Jesus has gone to prepare for us! And as soon as our education is complete. He takes us home to the full enjoyment of our inheritance above. Blessed be God for the hope He has given us in the gospel of His dear Son.”
“13th. — A stormy day — the sea in a foam. Heard a sermon on the blessedness of the man unto ichoni God imjmted righteousness luithout works. The great conflict in my soul when I first sought the Lord was, how I was to be saved without works, for I had no works to come with. How blessedly did Jesus manifest Himself to me that night, and say to me, ‘I am thy salvation without thy works; ’ — a night to be remembered throughout eternity! Bless the Lord, O my soul! Hitherto has He blessed me, chastened, upheld, and comforted me; and even down to old age has He carried me.”
“This morning, was led in prayer to ask the Lord, if it were good in His sight, to make me in some way a humble instrument in His hands of good to Lord ’s precious, never-dying
soul. It came twice, after waking from sleep, so forcibly to my mind, that I felt I must pray for him. How could I show my regard in a more suitable way than in praying that he might know what it was to possess durable riches and honours; for oh, how far do they exceed all earthly glory! Oh, to know to a certainty that God hears the prayers of His saints, and not one shall ever be disregarded. The Spirit indites them, the Son presents them in the incense of His own sacrifice, and God the Father is well pleased to honour them for Christ’s sake and His own. After offering up my humble petition for Lord, the thought occurred to me, how utterly impossible it was for me to be of any spiritual service, circumstances like mountains preventing. But the thought again occurred, what are mountains in the way of the Lord’s purposes? He can do all things, and He can do this. There I leave it. My request has been made, and if not through me, yet through some other means, may God bless him and save his soul at last.”
TO HER SON O.
“Brighton, Feb. 18th.
“E went to the Town Hall, at a meeting for the Jews,
last night. Dr. Marsh spoke, and also his son. She says the latter spoke remarkably well and to the purpose. We have a nice circle of friends here, which makes it pleasant. As it respects myself, one or two to whom I can speak of Jesus, of Him whom my soul loveth, is quite sufficient. What a company I shall meet (if permitted to get there) in heaven! It makes me long at times to depart and be with them. I feel ‘JO-i MEMOIR OF mVS. MAliY WINSLOW.
that all is tmc that is written of Ilim; and if so, I shall see Him and be with Him for ever. On His resurrection hangs all mv hope. If He is risen, my soul is as safe as if it were there*^now. The whole truth of the gospel hangs on the resurrection of Christ. I am writing with the ocean full in view, and it looks beautiful and serene.”
“22nd. — How continually is the Christian’s experience varyino-, cliietlv through the varying providences of God! There is a close connexion between what is passing within the believer and what is transpiring without; both engaged in furthering the work of the Lord in His kingdom of grace in the soul. There is no cessation. The Spirit unceasing in His work, and Satan as busily engaged in thwarting it, through the artful and corrupt propensities of the flesh. How heartily do I hate the flesh, and long to drop the body of sin, and be done with it for ever.”
“Monday It seems a long time to wait for the post,
before I can hear how the Lord has been dealing with you on the Sabbath. Had I not Him to look to for comfort, I know not what I should do. Yesterday, again and again I lifted up my burdened heart for you; and last evening, at our feast of love (the Lord’s Supper), I forgot you not. That is always an especial season of sweet communion between my soul and my God, Jesus sits at His table, and I am permitted to sit at His blessed feet, and many gracious tokens of love do I receive. Last evening, while thus communing. He gave me a gentle rebuke, which dissolved my heart into holy contrition, and laid me in the dust; but oh, how condescending His love, no tongue can tell! I wept — He pardoned — showed me His loving heart, and made me weep still more. My great sin was in looking to an arm of flesh, instead of the living God; that God who has said, / irill never leave thee nor forsake thee. This produced a murmuring spirit, and sorrow followed in its train. But I was to go to the table where Jesus sat, and obtain a full view of Him, before my sin was discovered to me; and then did I prostrate myself before Him, confessing my sin, and He forgave it all. He looked upon me as benignantly and lovingly as He did upon Peter, and this brought my ingratitude and unbelief^God-dishonouring unbelief — to mind; and I fell before Him humbled, penitent,”and forgiven. Is not this just like Jesus? The text was. Let us draiu’near; and truly did a good and gracious God draw near to me, un-
worthy” though I was; and my prayer then ascended, that He would draw near to you and bless you with strong faith in His love; for there is no love like the love of God. The faint glimmer of a rushlight, compared with the brightest noonday sun, is the love of the creature, the tenderest and the fondest, in comparison with the wondrous, boundless love of God in our nature — God is us.^^
“... I have nothing particularly new to tell you; but when I remember that the Lord is especially in all the events of His providence towards His people, I ought- not to say I have no good news to tell you. Jesus reigns, and that is good news, though not new to you. And yet we require to be continually reminded of it, for we are prone in our worldliness to lose sight of it, and then, like the Israelites, we murmur, Jesus is alive, and at the right hand of the Majesty on high. He is at the helm, D-uidino: our vessel skilfully and safely throusrh all dansfers and storms, ever varvins and chano-inof through this eventful voyage; and He will most assuredly bring us at last to anchor, where all suffering, and trial, and perils are at an end for ever, in that harbour of perfect rest which remaineth for the people of God..., Civil affairs are just now in rather a perplexed, transition state. They cannot form a government. How wonderful the way God takes to accomplish His mighty purposes in this lower world! Who would have thought that the yotato disease would have been the means of overthrowing the government, which but a short time ago seemed so strong and powerful? But so it is. Sir Robert Peel was for opening the ports; the Duke was not; and this broke up the Cabinet. Oh, how truly God is in all things! By the most trivial and mean thing?:, in His allwise, wonderful providence, He performs His wonders and accomplishes His purposes. Never mistrust Him. Let us keep from unbelief, walk uprightly, and no good thing will He withhold.”
‘’ Lord’s day. ... I have prayed again and again to-day for you, remembering the vast importance of the subject on which you are to preach; and oh, may the Holy Ghost descend with all His mighty power upon preacher, saints, and sinners, that srreat ffood mav be done in the name of Jesus to the glorv of the Tri-une Jehovah. I was enabled, though feeling unwell, to be at the house of God this morning. The text was. The way of life is above to the wise, that he may depart from hell beneath, Prov. xv. 24. He was pxcellpnt, as usual, and spoke
20G MEMOIR OF MRS. MARY WINSLOW.
with apparent comfitrt; but, 0 Lord, I long to see a whole congregation brought under the power of the Holy Spirit. There is a constant hearing of sermons, but nothing effectually done in comparison with what ought to be done. Slumbering saints and dead sinners compose most of the congregations. Oil! for more of the power of prayer among the children of the kingdom. How my soul longs for it! How I wish I heard in those who wait upon the sanctuary more of the enjoyment of the truth in their own souls, and of the sensible presence of the Lord. How sweet it is to have the enjoyment of nearness to God; and how can we feel near to Him and not express our gratitude and love for His kind condescension? We know when we have the society of, and enjoy intercourse with, an earthlv friend; how much more endearing and soulrefrosliino- is that of our Heavenlv Friend! The defect is, we do not have His sensible presence, and this is our own fault, and not His; for the essence of His nature is love — love, free, unbounded to the poorest, the vilest, who look for it, expect it, and will not be satisfied without it. The secret is, we grow cold towards this precious Friend, and are then satisfied to do without an expression of His love. No wonder dear Mr. Evans remarked to-day that ’ there were none so basely ungrateful on earth as God’s own children. And so it is.”
“How often does God answer prayer by terrible things in righteousness! When we are in a thick mist we can discern nothing, and are anxious to escape from its perils. But, as it rolls away, we begin to see a gleam of light, and hail it as the commencement of a fuller and briohter discovery. Now this is often the case with the objects of God’s everlasting love. “We pray for what we believe would promote our happiness and the comfort of others, and for the glory of God. Perhaps we do not in so many words ask for this favour; but we earnestly desire it in our hearts, and often plan in our minds how it mav be brouirht about. God sees the heart’s fond wish, presently He brings us, by His all-wise providence, to the very thing Ave desired; but oh! in such a different way from what we had planned in our own minds. And yet, how much more effectually has He done it than we had thought. Such is our God, and it is a mercy when we do see His blessed hand in every dispensation towards His own elect. But how few — how verv few — watdi the hand and the doings of God, and lacking this, they continue blind to His great goodness and His unceasino: care. How many walk with a sickly Christianity, and although often tried, they seem not to profit from their trials, because they are not earnest in watching God’s loving hand. For years they are under the rod. yet we see so little real adyance. Oh! let us watch against an infidel Christianity, if I may so express myself; for there is so much infidelity in our fallen nature still lingering in the renewed heart, that we haye reason mightily to pray against it. The believer should seek to make the most of his trials. They are disguised covenant blessings, and as such, in loye are sent. We should pray over them, and pray in them, and regard them all as designed but to prepare us for an eternal glory. They are sent for an especial purpose, to accomplish an especial good.”
“Thus, then, it is good to see God answering our prayer, although it be by sharp trials of faith. This tried faith glorifies God, purifies our hearts, endears Jesus as a precious Sympathizer in our sorrows, and fits us for His dwelling-place. We may not, as I haye remarked, see how God is working for us in the event; for, in the language of Job, Men see not the bright light vjhich is in the clouds hut the icind passeth and deanseth them, and then the bright light is visible. I bless God again and again for His most trying dispensations; and that He has given me, even such a one as me, to see Him in all things connected with my present good and eternal happiness. What losers are some of God’s children, who watch not and see not Him in every step they take through the wilderness world! Oh! it is inexpressibly sweet to walk with God full in view; to trace Him in everything — in creation, in providence, in grace, in all things on earth and in heaven. What manner of person ought we to be in all holy conversation, who have thus to do with God! Keep a steady eye upon His ways, although they may be at times wrapped in mystery. Watch the leadings of His providence; be careful not to go from Him; there is the danger. Follow after, and patiently wait with a watchful eye, and a praying heart, and a trusting mind, His doings, seeking childlike obedience to His most blessed, loving will. And when the Lord thus brings our self-willed hearts into meek submission, so that we are perfectly sati fied to have Him to do with and by us as best pleases and glorifies Him, having no choice in this or that, then it is God works like Himself, educes good from evil, and brings light out of darkness.”
“How much of needless care and anxiety does unbelief cut out for the tried believer in this wilderness world! Distrust, base, ungrateful distrust, seems to follow close at my side, to mar present comforts, and to dishonour Him whom, in spite of all, my soul loveth. Since four o’clock this morning, the hour at which I awoke, has this enemy had a hard contest with me. I went to the Lord and asked for that help which only He could give; but it was not until half-an-hour ago I opened my Bible, and my eye rested on the 53rd Isaiah, 4th verse: Surely He hath home our griefs and carried our sorrows. At once my base ingratitude dissolved my heart into deep contrition, and tears flowed down my cheeks. Did he indeed carry my sorrows, which I must have carried through eternity? Did He bear my grief, was He striken for my transgression, for which hell must have been my portion for ever? Even for this my sin of distrust did He suffer, and shall I doubt, for one moment, of His wondrous love, unceasing and unchanging? He was indeed the Antitype of the ram caught in the thicket, and offered up in my stead, as a burnt-offering to a holy God, and by His stripes my soul is healed, and healed for ever. How marvellous is the display of electing love and sovereign grace to such a one as me! How do I abhor myself in dust and in ashes, while I remember that, unless upheld and preserved by that same love, the very next difficulty that occurs will find me as distrustful and doubtins: as ever. What a God is ours! He loves to pardon and delights in mercy. And yet, God forbid that we should think lightly of sin because He is so good and readv to forsrive!”
to her sox, eev. g. e. w., ox his illxess.
“Dearest G,
“God is love, and this has been most blessedly manifested to us from first to last. He has been to us a God hearing and a God answering prayer; and yet he has not left us without a Father’s chastening hand. As His children. His redeemed ones. He has caused us to pass under the rod, but it has been in such a tender, gentle way, and so blended with manifestations of love and goodness, that we have to bless and praise Him for it all. He is raising you up again, 1 trust, for greater usefulness, and more devotedness of heart and life. It is no small matter to be a consistent Christian, an Israelite, indeed, in whom there is no gvile. To accomphsh this great end, we too often need the discipline of that covenant which
LETTER TO HER SOX. REV. G. E. ly. 209
is ordered in all things and sure — and we shall have it. How often and how much do we mistake the character of God! “We think He is such a one as ourselves; but He must do all He has declared that He will, because He is God. /, the Lord, change not. There is no after purpose or thought with God! He sees the end from the beginning. This is a delightful subject for contemplation; and if you will give it your attention, restricting yourself to the study only of God’s pure word, comparing scripture with scripture, you will find a delightful field of truth in which to roam, worthy the labour of a whole life; for out of it will grow many most precious and important truths, on other branches of the glorious gospel of our Lord and Saviour Jesus Christ. ... I should have wished to have been with you, but it seems I was to stop here for a season, and this was without my own planning, and therefore I know it to be of the Lord. Oh how much infidelity there is in our fallen nature to contend with, all our iournev throush. May the Lord increase our faith! Let me hear from yourself, how you are and how you feel, I was grateful for your last, and praise God on your behalf.”
“A holy famiharity between God and His redeemed children is most lovely and blessed. He feeds the lamp and keeps it burning, and the soul rests quietly in the hands of the best of Friends, and best of Fathers. I think that, in general, we do but take too superficial a view of what sin is in the sight of God, a holy God, and we do not sufficiently examine our hearts by His holy law. Such a view of what sin is would make us cling closer to the cross of Christ; it vrould send us oftener to the atoning blood for cleansing, and endear to us the preciousness and worth of a throne of grace. It would also keep us from being mere yea and nay Christians, or half-hearted Christians, and make us more earnest for the salvation of others. It would, too, enable us to form a better judgment of our own case, as well as more clearly discerning the case of others. A slight, imperfect knowledge of what sin is, leads to almost every evil a Christian is liable to fall in, and is dishonouring to God. Let us look more at what He inflicted upon His beloved Son for sins not His own. Oh pray to have just that insight into it as may make you cling more to Christ, and fit you for increased usefulness to souls. May the Lord lead you into all truth, keep your eye and heart towards Hmiself, moment by moment, and make you a faithful minister of Jesus Christ.