Her Second Visit to England
In 1828, a few months following the interesting events recorded in the preceding chapter, again prostrated in strength by the excessive heat of an almost tropical climate, and, perhaps, scarcely less so by the extreme mental excitement through which she had just passed, she found it necessary to make a second voyage to England, for the purpose of recruiting her health. In contemplating this step, she thus writes to her family: —
“I am not quite certain but that, with God’s blessing, you may see me in the autumn. If I come, you must be prepared to find me much altered in appearance. I suppose you will hardlv know vour weather-beaten mother. But I think the change of climate would soon recruit my health, with the Lord’s blessing. But I am growing old, and nothing can repair the ravages of years. I do earnestly pray, if the Lord do not go with me, He will not suffer me to go hence, I long to see all my children, but I desire to wait patiently the Lord’s time. My times are in His hands. Oh, that He may direct my steps!”
After a perilous passage, but marked by especial mercy, she arrived at Liverpool in safety; spent a few months with her eldest son in the country, and thence took up her residence in London, Anxious for the holy walk, and growth in the divine life, of those of her family she had left in America, she had scarcely touched the shores of England when she addressed to them the following earnest epistle. We have no heart to abridge a document so strikingly illustrative of the spirituality of her mind and the practical character of her Christianity, and so replete with useful sentiments: —
“My dearest Children, — July. 1828.
“.... And now that I have given you an account of the goodness of God in bringing me through so many dan- [90] gers, and in the midst of my dear family on this side of the water, let me turn to your best interests. I have left you, my beloved children, (still more beloved, because you belong to Christ, ) in the place of your spiritual birth. I have left you, but God is with you. Keep close to Jesus. Forget not my old exhortation. Pray luithout ceasing. Go to Him for all you need; lean upon Him. There is a fulness in Christ, treasured up for you, that the highest angel in heaven cannot fathom. Tell Him all that is in vour heart. Lav your case before Him as if He did not already know it. This is the sweet simplicity of faith that Christ loves. You cannot come too often. Bring: to Him your little cares as well as your great ones. If anything is a trouble to you, however small it may be, you are warranted, nay, commanded, to take it to Him, and thereby you glorify His name. / will also leave in the midst of thee an afflicted and jpoor people.^ and they shall trust in the name of the Lord. Pray much for a tender conscience, a conscience susceptible of the least sin, — as susceptible as the eye to the touch; and never rest if you feel guilt there, however small, until it is removed by a fresh application of the precious blood of Christ. If ive coif ess our sins. He is faithful and Just to forgive us our sins, and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness. Wherever you are, at home or by the wayside, lift up your heart to that precious Saviour who has manifested so much love to vour souls. Never be afraid to come to Him. Satan will tempt you here; but beware of his suggestions. He would keep you from Christ; but Christ is as needful for you, every step you take to glory, as when you were overwhelmed with sorrow, under a sense of vour awful state as a sinner before God. Never look within for comfort; you will find nothing there but what is calculated to humble you. But look to Jesus. There is everything in Him to encourage you in your warfare. And yet it is needful that you examine your own hearts from day to day, that you may be well acquainted with all your spiritual diseases, and forget not that Christ is your Physician. He has undertaken for your cure, and to fit you, by the indwelling of His Spirit, for the inheritance He has prepared for you. Oh, live upon Him out of yourselves. You need fear nothing but sin, nor even that with a slavish fear, but with a godly, filial fear. Avoid trifling, lukewarm professors. They are the bane of the church of Christ. If you can do them no good, they will do you much harm. One thing I would especiallj remind you of; in all your difficulties and trials, (for many you will haye,) go not first to an arm of flesh, nor sit and ponder what you shall do; but go directly to your dear Sayiour, and ask earnestly for wisdom and grace to guide you through them; watch the leadings and openings of His gracious providence, and follow on as He leads the way, and He will make even these things to work for your good. If you feel your want of faith, ask this of Him, that you may come in faith; for this is as much His gift, as the blessing you want. Your wiyes are professors of the same blessed hope. But, the husband is the head of the toife, even as Christ is the head of the church; and they will look to you for an example. Walk before them circumspectly; pray with them, and pray for them, and allow nothing to interrupt family worship. May God give you wisdom in all things. I thought, when you were brought to the knowledge of the truth, my care for you would be over; but I feel as anxious now that you should walk worthy of His blessed name, as I was before that your souls might be saved. Remember that
your strength is perfect weakness, and yet with Christ’s strength you can do all things. Again, I repeat, live upon Him. Aim to glorify Him in all things, and to possess an abiding sense of the indwelhng of the Holy Spirit, that your thoughts, desires, and affections may soar to heavenly and eternal objects. If you lose this, you cannot walk comfortably. Cast your cares, as they arise, upon Him who careth for you. Do not coyet riches: pray against this more or less easily besetting sin of many of God’s people. Forget not the exhortation. Be content with such things as ye have. Keep close to Jesus; for if you walk at a distance, you haye need to fear the rod: nevertheless. His loving-kindness He will not take from you. He loves while He chastens. A few more years, and we shall have done with all things here below, and eternity, with all its glorious realities, will burst upon your view. Oh, then, live for eternity. Think much of your blessed inheritance there, and let the glory of God be dearer to you than your own lives. Follow on to know more of Him. Be very thankful for what he has already done, but press on for more. Be not satisfied with a little, when He has such immense riches to bestow. Open thy mouth wide, and I will fill it. Above all, before I close, — and do bear with me, for my heart is very full, and you are doubly dear to me, since you belong to Christ, my beloved children — never, never omit secret prayer. I take shame to myself that I have not spoken of this before. Remember, the first departures from Christ begin at the closet, or rather in the heart; and then private prayer is either hurried over, becomes a mere form, or is entirely neglected. My dear children, grieve not the Spirit; and whenever you feel a desire to pray, that moment lift up your heart to Him who is always near you. I can truly say,
‘Sweet the moments, rich in blessing.
Which before the cross I spend. ’
How often do I leave the family circle, when one or the other of you is pressing on my mind — passing, perhaps, through some trial, or beguiled by some temptation; I retire to my room, close the door, and fall upon my knees, plead for you with many tears, and commend you again and again to Him who has promised to carry the lambs in his arms. I wish to caution you against a great evil in many churches; I allude to gossiping professors, who, when they meet, instead of talking of Christ, talk about almost everything else, — ’ busy bodies,’ who go from house to house, speaking things which they ought not. Oh, what a dishonour are such to the cause of the dear Redeemer! Rebuke such in gentleness of spirit, and withdraw from them. Pray that your own minds might be duly solemnized with the weight and importance of eternal things, and that your conversation might have a savour of the gospel at all times, for your own comfort, and for the edification of others. As ye have received Christ Jesus the Lord, so loalk ye in Him. Pray and watch against a light and trifling spirit in yourselves, and go nowhere where it is likely to be called forth. Remember that God has to do with the heart. To this man will I look even to him that is poor and of a contrite spirit. Humility is one of the sweetest graces of Gi-od’s Spirit. Earnestly seek to know as much of your own hearts as will keep you sitting at the foot of the cross; and at the same time to know as much of Christ’s heart as will enable you to rejoice in the fulness and sufficiency there is in Him. May God keep you, guide and instruct you, in every good word and work, and carry you in His tender bosom, are my unceasing prayers, nioht and dav.”
It may be proper that we should now introduce the reader to the more private and sacred records of her hidden life. The journals from which we ouote were visible to no other eje than her own; and were kept by her but as way-marks of her religious progress, and as memorials of God’s gracious and providential dealings in her personal history. Her lowly spirit cannot now be wounded by their publication; while their embodiment in this work will, perhaps, more than anything else, illustrate the close transactions of her soul with God. The essence of real religion is intimacy with God, The divine life in the soul will ascend to the source from whence it came. And that record, which reveals to us the sacred mysteries of this holy life, which throws a ray upon its intricacies, and shows us how, like Enoch and Noah, we too mav “walk with God,” must be of inestimable value to the Christian church. In the extracts we are about to make, we trace the experience of one who dealt faithfully with her own soul, and honestly with God. She set the Lord always before her. With an eye intent upon her path, yet ever looking to, and resting upon Him, she sought so to shape her course as to please God in all things. She lived as constantly “beholding the Invisible,” and felt that she had alone to do with Him.
In the course of her diary, a name frequently occurs, embalmed in the memory of many who will read these pages. It was a kind Providence that gently led her steps, soon after her arrival in England, to the chapel of the late Rev. James Harington Evans. But recently returned from the hallowed scenes her letters have so glowingly described, her heart was fully prepared warmly to sympathize with a ministry, the peculiar excellence and winning charm of which was the power of the Holy Ghost, with which the Saviour was exalted. On the first occasion of her appearance within this sanctuary, the Lord especially met with her soul, — first in the spiritual, fervent prayer, and then, more manifestly, through the powerful message of His truth.
We now introduce the reader to the more private experience of the subject of this Memoir, as recorded from time to time durinsr 1828 and 1829: —
“London, July 10th, 1828. — Had nearness to God this morning, and an earnest desire to resign myself, my children, and all, into His blessed hands, and to know no will but His. We are reading regularly through the Bible. The 12th of Exodus was the chapter of the day. Oh, that I and all my household might feed continually upon the precious Lamb of God and with the bitter herbs of unfeigned repentance may
we eat thereof, with our loins girded about with truth, and our hearts and faces towards the heavenly Canaan! Prayed. Oh, for more of the spirit of prayer! Lord, pour it down upon us, for Jesus’ sake! Poor old Mrs. D. came. I must obtain a pension for her soon, or she will be removed, before she gets it, to a better pension above.* She appears ill, but contented, though in a workhouse. God has, I trust, prepared her for a home not made with hands, eternal in the heavens. How many such hidden ones has our dear Jesus in this vale of tears! Althouo-h overlooked by the rich and mio-htv, His eye sees them, His heart pities them, and He is meetening them, by all His dispensations, for the glorious inheritance He has prepared for them above. “What a change, from a body of sin and death — from the privations of a workhouse — to the heavenly abode and presence of Jesus!’’
“12th. — Read this morning the 14th of Exodus, detailing the many trials of faith in the history of Israel of old. They were commanded to ’ stand still, and see the salvation of the Lord.’ Hedged in on everv side, what could they do but stand still, until the Lord opened a way for them? My way, too, is hedged up just now. May I be able to trust in the Lord, and never be left to murmur or repine, but to wait and see the salvation of my God! Lord, let me see the pillar of cloud by day, and the pillar of fire by night. Not one step can I take without Thee. My soul is much exercised. Undertake, O Lord, for thy widowed handmaid! I can truly say. To whom can I go but unto Thee? I never fail to find, that trials drive me closer to Christ, and quicken me in the exercise of prayer. Oh, how is it that I do so constantly need the rod?”
“13th. — I awoke in the night, and a care, something like a trial in prospect, presented itself to my mind. I could not sleep until I laid it before the Lord; for, to whom can I go in all my troubles and difficulties, but to Him who is a Father to the fatherless, and the widow’s God? Almost directly afterwards I fell asleep. I had unburdened myself to Him who has all hearts in his hands; and my mind was at peace. Oh, what a privilege is this! How remarkably precious is a throne of grace to a tried, tempted Christian at all times! Had a sweet opportunity this morning, and much liberty,
* This penaion was secured.
Could unhesitatingly say, ‘Abba, Father! ’ and lay before Him all that was in my heart, believing he heard me.”
“14th. — Intended to have gone to Hampstead, but the rain prevented. I desire to acknowledge the hand of God even in a shower of rain. I was not to go. Felt a wandering of mind while engaged in prayer for a moment, and in the whole exercise a want of fervour. It was not a heart-searching, melting season, such as I am sometimes favoured with. Oh, how good is God to permit such a one to approach Him!”
‘’ 15th. — The Lord orders all things. I desire to keep a steadfast eye upon Him. How much I felt to-day, my prayers needed to be prayed over and to be repented of “What need have we of a merciful High Priest, who can be touched with a feeling sense of our infirmities I Precious Jesus! let me feel my dependence upon Thee more and
more,”
“20th. Sabbath. — Illness has kept me from the house of God to-day. I have felt very insensible, although I have so much cause for thankfulness and gratitude. The Lord has heard my prayer, and graciously answered my petition, in spite of unbelief and ingratitude on my part. He has turned away the evil I feared, and made this hard thing easy, and this crooked path straight. Blessed be His ever-adored name. In those things that troubled me, I sought the Lord. My petitions were graciously answered. May I never forget the least of His benefits! I am surrounded with innumerable blessings. My children round me, the sweet privilege of the gospel at hand, when able to attend, and no bodily pain of any consequence. Bless the Lord, 0 my soul!”
“23rd. — Had a most comfortable assurance, both last night
and this morning, of my interest in a crucified, risen Saviour,
and found I could tell Him all that was in my heart. I am a
poor, wanting creature; always coming for a fresh supply.
But oh, what cause for thankfulness it is an ever-flowing:,... ‘-’
overflowing fountain to which I come! I have much comfort
in commending my children, the dear lambs of Christ’s flock,
to the especial care of the dear Shepherd. Lord, keep them
as the apple of Thine eye; and may those who are waiting
for, and expecting their halting, be ashamed and confounded
when they see that Christ is in them of a truth.”
“26th, — Awoke with distressing thoughts of. As
soon as I was up, I dropped upon my knees before the Lord; and without preparing my mind for prayer, as some are enabled to do, I brought my -^-ant directly before Him. My heart was troubled, and I told it to the Lord. I did plead with many tears, that as He had given me His Son to die for me. He would not withhold the lesser blessing, and impart to
all that grace he so much needed to preserve him from
the ten thousand snares Satan would lay for his unguarded feet. This is the only way I can get on. AYhen trials press upon my mind, I must arise and carry them to God. To whom else can I go? I would not often tell the dearest friend in the world what passes in my mind; but I can disclose it all to Jesus! I can and do unbosom myself to Him whose compassions fail not, and who remembers I am but dust; yet pities and loves me better than I love myself. Had much more comfort and openness in prayer in the family last night. Felt the Lord very near, and eternal things all-important.”
“August 2nd. — Yesterday was dear ’s birthday. I
felt happy at the birth of my son, but that happiness was trifling, although all that a fond mother could feel, in comparison of what my heart experienced at the hour of his spiritual birth. I truly did travail with him a second time, that Christ might be revealed within him the hope of glory. Oh, the gladness of that interesting moment! Angels united in a mother’s joy. The church below, the church above, — all, all rejoiced; and Christ was well pleased to see the travail of His soul. May He who then made Himself known to him as his Redeemer, be graciously pleased to pour into his heart the rich blessing of His grace, and fit and c|ualify him for great usefulness in His blessed cause. Give him, 0 Lord, humbleness of spirit, and stamp Thine image deep within his inmost soul.”
“I increasingly feel that this is not my rest; it is polluted. Go where he may, rest where he will, trials and crosses await the Christian. Oh for faith — a constant, abiding faith, that keeps a steady eye within the veil, where our tempted, tried, and afflicted Saviour, now triumphant Conqueror, is seated, and ever lives to make intercession for His dear people, who are following his footsteps! TVhat a sore trial is the working of pride within the heart! I have had to conflict with this enemy of late, which I had almost thought was quite gone. Heard an excellent sermon from the Lord’s sent servant, Mr. Evans, from the words. Tell me, 0 thou whom my soul loveth, ichere thou feedest, Szc. He was, as usual, most sweetly experimen-
98 MEMOIR OF MK>. MAIlY WIXSLOW.
tal. It wa? chiefly to the church, ihougli lie forgot not to address ^iner3.”
“Have had much exercise of mind, and deep searchings of heart. Some new lesson in the school of Christ is dailv, nav, hourly, to be learned; some hidden evil to be felt; some newenemy to be encountered; some fresh, precious views of Jesus to be obtained. Oh, how lovely, how good — exceeding good — is Jesus Christ to unworthv me! He is enoujirh to satisfy my soul. A hen disappointed in the creature, and I turn with a sickening feeling from the world to Christ, I find here no disappointment; here is fulness of joy, an ocean of love, a heart to feel and sympathize, an eye to pity, and a power, an infinite power, to supply all my wants, to comfort my drooping spirits, to refresh my fainting heart, and fill me with joy and peace in believing. Jesus is an all-satisfying portion, and He is thy portion, 0 mv soul.”
“Had an interview yesterday with !Mr. Evans. I pray the Lord to bless it. In the evening went where I need not have gone, and found the conversation of some professing Christians a great snare to my soul. Have need to pray, 0 Lord, not only lead me not into temptation, but hedge up my way, though with thorns and briers, that I o;o not into it. Oh, the sad levity and trifling of some, even of the ministers of Christ! I am aware of the same evil in myself, and by these things lay up material for bitter repentance. On my return home, had to go to the Lord for fre;£h pardon, humbled in the dust. But for ever blessed and adored be His name, to me He is love. I feel to-day a sweet tenderness of spirit; and while reading in the familv. mv heart was drawn out by faith to Christ, and could not but speak of Him to my children.”
“Mr., a professed minister of the gospel, has been here,
and has just left with to see. I wonder what business a man, declaring himself sent of God to lead poor sinners to Christ, has to do with the sights and shows of this perishing world! How can he exhort his flock to live above the world and all its vanities, while he himself is ooino after them?
As good Mr. says, it is our duty to have our eyes shut
and our ears stopped to everything that is not a step in that ladder that reaches from earth to heaven. I cannot understand some Christians, and they do not understand me. I may be wrong; but when I read. Com”, out from among them and he ye separate; Love not the worldy nor the things that are in the world and many other such solemn exhortations, with so many exceeding great and precious promises to the overcoming Christian, I am satisfied of the wav a beHever in Christ should walk, and have onlv to regret I so often wander from it myself. Dear Saviour, keep me near, very near, thy blessed self. Shelter me under thine almighty, protecting wing, till the storm of life is past. And oh, in infinite mercy remember the dear lambs of the flock, and suffer them not to wander from Thee. Let them feel their own weakness, and take hold of Thv strenoth.”
“Feeble in body, but very happy in the Lord, a sweet, contented, childlike spirit, looking upward and feeling as w-ell as knowing, God is good. His name to my soul is Love. Had a dehghtful open view, as it were, while engaged in family prayer, of the glorious work of the all-sufficient atonement and sacrifice of the Son of God. Tears flowed while I thanked my God, and my children’s God, for this most precious covenant of grace, for my interest in it, and the sweet assurance I have that some of them are also interested therein. Blessed, for ever blessed, be His most precious name. I am not well, and this tabernacle seems daily to decay. Be it so; it shall be raised again at the last day, fashioned like unto His glorious body. Christ’s own resurrection is the earnest given, and I know that mv Redeemer hveth to fulfil His en2:aeement. My soul rejoiceth in Christ my Saviour. Often the enemy whispers to me, wdien I feel a holy nearness to Jesus, and my soul is very happy, that some trial is near at hand. Lord, I desire to trust in Thee, in whom is all my hope and my salvation. My children are Thy children. Blessed be Thy name for that. Help me to say, ‘Thy wnll, not mine, be done.’ I cannot do this without the especial influence of Thy Spirit.”
“Sept. 1st. — Took possession of my pew yesterday at John-street. May the Lord, in His rich mercy, make this step a blessing to me and to my children. The steps of a good man are ordered by the Lord. Had to contend, while in the house of God, with a wandering spirit; felt it impossible to keep my mind stayed upon the precious truths I heard, or attempted to hear. Oh, how the world, with all its cares, crowds upon the poor pilgrim, even in his most solemn moments! He would fain say. Abide thee here, and I will go yonder and worship. What a mercy that we have a faithful High Priest at the right hand of the Majesty on high, to make intercession
^y0-k4’
ICO MEMOIR OF MRS. MARY ^VINSLO^Y.
for all — all our manifold short-cominsrs, sins and transo-ressions.”
“Rev. Mr. W called this morning, and mentioned that
after an unsuccessful attempt to obtain a curacy, he received a letter from his wife, saying, that she had discovered that a confidential servant had robbed them, and that she had determined to dismiss her. Mr. W wrote to say that she had
better keep her for the present, as his circumstances were too straitened to pay her the wages due to her. A few days after, he returned home, and found his family nmch tried by the girl, who had refused to remain, and had gone to a neighbour’s, alleging as a reason for her leaving, that she would not be paid for her services. In addition to this trial, a bill from a tradesman was sent in, demanding immediate payment. They had
no money. Mr. W felt his character as a minister was
at stake in a village, where everything was soon known from house to house. In this dilemma and distress, they knelt down and laid their case before the Lord. In the morning the postman brought a letter. On opening it, it was found to contain a ten-pound note in a blank cover. This paid all demands, and left a surplus on hand. Oh, that men would praise the Lord for his goodness to the children of men! He came to relate to me this remarkable providence. My heart felt refreshed, and my faith strengthened, by this sweet manifestation of God’s kind remembrance of His poor servant. It is good to walk by faith; to feel dependent for all, and to come to Him as little children for all we need.”
“Sept. 5th. — Find that many of my difficulties and trials — J dare not call them afflictions — arise from quarters where one least expected them. 0 Lord, help me more and more to cease from man, whose breath is in his nostrils, and to expect nothinsr but evil from an evil world! But these are but little trials after all. Thev do not wins the heart; they mav grieve and wound, but nothing more. I think I know what afflictions are — yea, the deep waters of affliction too. Bereaving providences — the joy of my heart, the companion of my youth, the father of my children, cut down as with a stroke! Dwelling in a strange land, surrounded by a helpless young family, bereft of fortune when most wanted — the enemy suffered to buffet my almost defenceless soul, the very foundations of mv faith trembling beneath this flood of tribulation — these are afflictions! I was in the furnace, but the Lord stood by.
Since then I have been enabled, upon my knees, amidst floods of orrateful tears, to thank Him for those very afflictions that I then thous:ht would brins; me to nothins:.”
“8th. — Have much cause to be humbled. “Why does every little disappointment affect me so much? I feel truly I am a sinful creature, unable of mvself to think a o;ood thouofht. Never, never did sin appear so hateful, and my own nothingness so great, as yesterday at the table of the Lord. Felt something of a broken heart. I wept much, but still my hope was in the Lord, and did look up, like the wounded Israelites, to the cross of Christ. Lord, my help is alone from Thee. Strengthen me with might in the inner man, and let not my enemies prevail against me. Oh, the hidden evil of the heart, unknown and unfelt, until the Spirit of Christ sees fit to reveal the depths of iniquity that are there. It is a sickening view; and were it not that Christ Jesus came into the world to save sinners, I should lie down in utter despair.”
“18th. — How has my heart been pained to-day from what it has felt of evil within! How much I often discover contrary to the Holy Spirit of Christ! To-day has been one of sore conflict — the spirit lusting against the flesh, and the flesh lusting against the spirit; so that I have been obliged again and again to cry to the Lord for help from on high. Nothing but the precious blood of Christ can wash this guilt away. How soon was I ruffled to-day; and now could weep, yea, and do weep, and shall weep for it. Lord, forgive me, for Jesus’ sake. Oh, for a sanctified heart! Lord, undertake for thv unworthy creature, and come not into judgment with me! Look upon me in the face of thy dear Son, and when thou” lookest, forgive.”
7 C
“27th. — Found much sweetness in drawins; near to God m family worship — a blessed sense of the reality of eternal things. Oh, that I might be kept through this day with a steady eye upon Christ! Read for our morning’s portion part of the interesting life of Gideon. How true it is — iot by mighty nor by yower, hut my Spirit, saith the Lord. There is an inexpressible sweetness in the thought, that salvation is not of works; and that our full and complete acceptance is not in our wretched selves. It is all, all of grace.”
“Nov. 7th. — A little more than twelve months ago the Lord led me up into the mount, and showed me in a small measure His glory, and caused His goodness to pass before me. My soul was happy, oh, how happy. Felt I was with God, and that God was with inc. Was permitted to talk with Him — as a friend talketh with his friend. Perceived in Christ a fulness I had no conception of, and it was but — Ash and ye shall receive. Mv dear children were wonderfully brouirht to the foot of the cross, and one after another translated out of Satan’s dark kinsrdom into the kingdom of God’s dear Son. Shall I ever forget that most precious season of Divine love? Oh, never, never mav it be blotted out of mv mind for one moment. But how is it now with thee, oh, my soul? What has thv God been showinsi; to thee of late? He has been showing me more of the hidden evil of my heart, and calling me to sore conflicts with the world, the flesh, and the devil. With this threefold troop I have had much to do lately. But, thanks be to God, my Saviour is not out of sight, and he has engaged to bring me off more than conqueror.”
“‘20th. — I think it wrong to be always living in anticipation of afliiction, just because it is written, Through much tribulation ye must enter the kingdom. Sufficient to the day is the evil thereof. It is very discouraging to hear ministers say, especially to young Christians, ‘Pray for faith, but remember, in so doing, you pray for afflictions.’ Christ savs, Ask anything in my name; ask, that your joy might be full. I know that the apostle speaks of rejoicing in tribulation. Howbeit, I do think by constantly poring over anticipated troubles, we lose the sweet enjoyment of present mercies in the expectation of future evil. I pray to be enabled to praise Him for the present, and trust His love for all that is to come. Lord, increase my faith, and let my joy be full.”
“Dec. loth. — This day is set apart by the churches of the Ba]itist denomination for prayer and fasting, for the outpouring of the Holy Spirit. May God give His especial blessing, and hear their prayers! The gracious Revivals in New York have stirred up the Lord’s people on this side of the Atlantic. May it be for the glory of His own name.”
“This evenmg attended a prayer-meeting in John-street, for the outpouring of the Holy Spirit. It was full. The fault I generally perceive with most prayer-meetings occurred again to-night. The prayers were too long, and not to the point. Everything was touched upon but the one thing we had agreed to meet and pray for, except by one dear brother, and that but slightly. I do wish there were less preaching in prayer, and more heseeching, as poor needy sinners, for what we want. On my return home I assembled the domestics, who all nrofess to know the Lord, and sug:o;ested that we should join oar supplications as a household, for the great blessing that thousands to-nis-ht were lookins up for. I read the second of the Acts. We then sang an appropriate hymn, when each — all except the housemaid — prajed, following each other without rising from our knees. We had four short, sweet, and simple prayers, and it was a time of refreshing, for which God be praised. Oh, that the Holy Spirit may be poured out from on high upon all our souls, and upon the churches.”
“20th. — Still trayelling on, I humbly trust, through this waste howling wilderness, to my heavenly home. Want to look more to Jesus, that I may be strengthened for this continual warfare, for so it is with me. But am too often looking to some broken cistern still; but afterwards can say, when enabled to turn and take a fresh view of Christ, I do prefer Him, with all my trials and cares, to all that the world calls orood.”
“Jan. 21st, 1829. — What a mercy, of more value than a thousand worlds, to walk in the fear of the Lord all the day long; to be enabled to live above the smiles or frowns of this world, and to find the loye of Christ all-satisfyine: to our souls: to feel all creature-love swallowed up in Christ, and to know that he loves us better than we loye ourselves. Have felt these few days very comfortable, stayed upon the Lord; and to-day, sweet peace and joy, arising from a believing view of the ever-blessed gospel of the Son of God. As soon as I take my eye from Jesus, and look for anything like comfort from this world, or look within for something to rest upon, I begin to be in trouble, and have ao:ain to run into the name of the Lord, which is a strong tower to my soul at all times.”
“Have been conflicting more or less, for some time, with vain thoughts. But yet I can say. In the multitude of my thoughts within me, thy comforts delight my soul. But yet what grief it is that my thoughts are not always on the Saviour, and that there is such proneness to attempt to draw comfort from the creature, and to sorrow when we find it all vanity and vexation of spirit. Oh, why look to creature-love when the love of Christ is always the same?”
“March 8th. — How many mercies have I had to recount since I last wrote in this journal! How much of God’s gracious dealings with my soul have I omitted to record — and I
104 iMEMOIR OF MRS. MARY WIXSLOW.
regret it; for it is good to look back and see, from time to time, how wonderfully and mercifully He leads His people forward through a host of en<-mies to that happy place He has prepared for them. I find Mr. Evans’s ministry as rich pasture to my soul, and the fellowship of the church very sweet and encouraging. ‘How sweet to my soul is communion with saints!’ I can truly say so.”
“April 13th. — Had, to-day, a most sweet and endearing viev.’ of God, as my Father in Christ. Felt as if the Lord were again about to pour out His Spirit, and revive His work in our hearts. Went this morning to see West’s picture gallery. A view of ‘Death on the Pale Horse,’ and ‘Christ Kejected,’ was very interesting. But who can portray, in any painting, the extent of misery and woe sin has brought into our world; or the sufferings of that hoh, spotless soul, that was once on Calvary made an offering for sin? Upon the whole, it is not an outward exhibition of these important truths to the natural eye, but the application of them to the heart by the power of the Holy Ghost, that can alone convince, humble, and lead the soul to Christ. May I be led more and more to cling to Jesus, and feel increasingly the power of His resurrection in my soul: the Spirit bearing“^ testimony within that He still lives to do all He has promised for me and mine, and all who come unto Him.”
‘’ Answered Mr. W ’s letter of inquiry, respecting the
revivals in America. In his acknowledgment, he seems delighted with having an account from one who had been so blest in such a season of especial love, and who could bear a personal testimony to the truth of them. Received from him
a kind invitation to visit X; but cannot go so far from
home, unless the Lord had something for me to do there. 1 ain his. Blessed be His name! if it v.-ere His will to send me to the farthest corner of the globe, to bear my evidence to that most blessed truth, I would most willingly go. God does pour out His Spirit in a most especial manner upon His church. At such times of ’ refreshing from the presence of the Lord,’ sinners are converted to God, and saints are awakened out of their slumbers, and set out with fresh vigour and zeal to run the heavenly race. Thanks be to God for such seasons!”
“When the first Adam fell, God cursed the ground for man’s sake, and said, Thorns also and thistles shall it hrinrj forth to thee. When Christ, the Second Adam, came to be made a curse for us, He was crowned with those very thorns with which the earth was cursed, thereby removing the curse far from us. How wretchedly poor are my best conceptions of this most glorious work! Dear Lord, enlighten my understanding, that I may more and more see the infinite value of this wondrous work of everlasting love; and may my base ingratitude and unbelief never be thorns to wound Thee afresh. Give me more of that precious faith that purifies the heart and works by love,”
“I have been ill, and was much reduced in strength, but the Lord has heard prayer. At a time when my disorder was peculiarly distressing, and was pronounced likely to be fatal, a word of rich comfort was brought to my mind, and I was supported. This was the passage of Scripture my mind was stayed upon: With God all things are possible. Then, thought I, it is possible He can relieve me from this sore disease; and I know somethino; of his tender mercies, and that His ear is ever open to the cry of His people. My pain was removed, and my strength is gradually returning. Oh, how precious is a throne of grace, and a God of grace to go to!”
“Last week, dined with the poor of the church, nearly sixty in number. The rich waited upon the poor, and they seemed happy. The dinner was provided by our dear pastor, who also waited upon them. It was a delightful day — not soon to be forgotten. We had much Christian experience and profitable conversation, and did not separate until near nine o’clock. Want more life in my soul — more of the Spirit’s influence — a closer walk with God,”
“How often has an unkind look or word proved a blessing to my soul! It has made me flee to Christ; and there I have found no unkindness. He has appeared, at such times, more than to make up for the want of all creature-love and created good,”
“The King of England is very ill, and perhaps will shortly be called to lay aside all his earthlv honours and roval apparel, and feel his crown of nothing worth. What a change! What are kings better than the poorest beggar, when they are about to die? One drop of the precious blood that cleanseth from all sin, and applied by the power of the Holy Ghost, is of more worth to a dying sinner than millions of kingdoms. How does our poor King feel at this present moment? God be merciful to his soul!”
“The Lord has housed my dear H ’s eldest girl before
she had tasted much of the bitter weeds growing in this waste, howlino- wilderness. He took her to Himself: and she is safe from the windy storm and tempest. Oh, for grace to improve all His dispensations, and to remember, that all things work together for good to them that love God, to them who are called according to His yurjjose. I desire to keep a steadfast eye upon Chris!”, come what may — desiring no will but His!”
“The King of England now lies in his splendid palace, closed in his leaden coffin from the sight of every one. Nearly his last words were, ’ 0 God, I am dying! ‘And a few moments before he expired, looking wistfully around upon his attendants, he exclaimed, ‘This is death! ‘But oh, what is the death of the body in comparison of the death of the soul! Mrs. P is also taken away in a moment. She was preparing mourning for the king; but they have met in eternity. The curtain has fallen, and we cannot tell what is passing there. Oh, how needful to be readv! Precious Jesus! bind the gospel to my heart, and let it be dearer to me than ever.”
“Dec. 26. — Was ill yesterday, and was obliged to keep my bed. The family had a happy day together. It was pleasant to them to meet so many, and I am sure my kind-hearted
T was as happy as a prince. After all I could not but
reflect on the way in which Christmas-day is generally kept. It is the birth-day of our blessed Lord. Li general, when the world Celebrates the birth-day of a highly distinguished individual, they speak much of his character, ways, and exploits. But on this day of carnal delight, Christ’s name [in the social circle] is seldom mentioned. He is kept out of sight, or if any allusion should be made to him, it would be received with grave looks and sullen indifference. Oh, what a God of long-suffering is ours! How He bears with, and how much He has to bear with, even in his children. May He keep us from the evil of the world! ‘I pray not that thou shouldest take them out of the world, hut that thou shouldest keep them from the evill’^’
From her diary we turn again to her correspondence, which affords a further insight into the activities of her Christianity. Truly, like her Lord and Master, she “went about doing good.” And here it may be apptopriate to advert to a feature in Mrs. Winslow’s Christianitv, thus far almost entirelv veiled from sight. The simple design with which we set out was to exhibit more her inner and hidden, than her outward and visible life. The careful reader will not fail to infer from the preceding page?, and will still more so from those which follow, that her Christianity was eminently practical. Her whole religious life was an embodiment of the great principle — “No man liveth to himself” From the moment that she felt the power of vital godliness in her own soul, the grand, all-absorbing aim of her life was the bringing of souls to Christ. She sought to accomjDlish this in that way for which God had peculiarly fitted her. Other Christians, equally devoted and zealous, may have possessed more taste and aptitude for Committee work; and others might be more frequently seen moving amidst the whirl and dm of the great machinery of Christian benevolence. But while in the earlier stages of her religious course, when health and time were more at her command, she took a prominent and active part in the various religious societies of the day, yet as years grew on, and life became more mellowed and contemplative, she sought to promote the same object from more concealed and sequestered points of observation. It would therefore be unjust to the subject of our Memoir to infer, that because we especially restrict ourselves to the more important feature of her Christian character — he-r walk with God — that therefore it was deficient in that outward and corresponding life of Christian activity — that ’ looking not upon our own things, but also upon the things of others’ — which, more or less, is essential to the harmony and symmetry of Christian character. If ever an individual laboured for the conversion of sinners, it was she. But she laboured, as we have remarked, in that way for which God had peculiarly and eminently qualified her. He had given her the “pen of a ready writer.” This gift — a rare and a powerful one — she wholly and constantly consecrated to God. It is believed she seldom wrote a note, however brief, in which there was not something to lead the thoughts to eternity. But not to this instrumentality of doing good was she wholly restricted. For several years she had her district, which she faithfully and systematically visited. And when too advanced in life for so active an employment, she would often steal away to some scene of sickness and sorrow amongst the abodes of the poor, especially to those who were of the ’ household of faith,’ to administer spiritual instruction and comfort, and on her way home she would frequently make purchases for their temporal necessities. Truly, like her Lord and Master she “went about doing good.”
TO UER MOTHER.
“I have just returned from visiting the poor and wretched in the lanes and alleys of this great town. I have but little time to write as I formerly did. I often have thought that the Lord had uothino; more for me to do; but He seems to have called me to my old work again, and it is one I always had, and still have, great delight in. May He bless it to me and
to the poor to whom I am sent. Mr. and I go arm and
arm with our Bibles from house to house, and from attic to attic. He alwavs eets a little behind when I am leaving: find
I/O O
tells them to Ije sure and ’ saw their pravers.’ He is a high churchman, Imt I believe he is laying it aside every day. There is no doubt in mv own mind of his conversion. He is the Lord’s, and He is teaching him.”
“If dear is, through God’s blessing, with you, my
dearest mamma, you will find enough in the iournal addressed to him to interest you as far as details go. I do feel very anxious about you all at this unhealthy season of the year. May God preserve you all! How very necessary to have our witness within quite clear, that when he says, ‘Come up hither,’ we might be able to reply, ‘Lo, Lord, with joy I come!’ Oh, to look upon this world continually as one we have nothing to do with but to pass through it to the glory of Him who has prepared a better for us! The road through it was designed to be a thorny one, that we should not set our affections here; and as it is our dear Lord’s will that we should have tribulation, what a mercy for us that He chooses all our trials, and arranges them in proper order in His infinite love and wisdom to suit our soul’s best interests. Let us look oftener to our mercies, and less to our trials, and then see what cause — oh, what cause — we have for thankfulness. I feel at present very low, but am trying to look to Jesus. The cares of my children, though not beneath my roof, and under my eye, are ever mine in a measure. Who can tell what a mother’s heart feels, but a mother? You and I knov,-; but what is best of all, our God knows. Let us think a little of our home — our pleasant home. A precious Jesus waiting to welcome his weary pilgrims there. A sweet home indeed — a Father’s home — and a happy meeting with all who are dear to us and to Christ, No more sea to separate us — no more sickness, no more sin, nor more labour — but one endless scene of love and happiness.”
LETTERS TO HER CHILDREN”. 109
TO HER SOX R.
“My dearest R-
“How is it that jou do not write more often? It grieves me much when I do not hear, I have heard that your little R. was ill; and as no letters have come to hand, I begin to fear some evil, and my spirit seems to rest upon you, my precious child. Oh, that God might keep you from all evil; above all, keep you from ever sinning against Him, or grieving His Holy Spirit, by whom you are sealed unto the day of redemption. I do pray that the glory of God might be dearer to you than your own life. Oh, be very jealous of it, and watchful over yourself Think vrhat a God, God has been to me. How He has led me continually to look to Him in all my difficulties, and delivered me out of all my troubles. Oh, it is sweet to live a life ol holy dependence upon the Saviour! I find it more and more so every day. May he save you from trustinsr vour own heart, or leaning to vour own understanding in anything. I feel I as much need His faithful hand at every step now as when I first started in the divine life, and so vrill you. Oh, try Him. The more you try Him, the more you will find Him a Brother horn for adversity. Make use of His precious promises. He will accept them, and make full payment, and you shall have to praise and bless His holy name. Oh, that God might be pleased in mercy to keep us all from ever bringing a disrepute upon His holy
cause. It were better to die. I think is still seeldng,
but he certainly has not found Him yet, whom we love and desire to love more and more. Oh, how precious is Jesus to a poor seeking sinner! His name is as ointment poured forth. What a mercy that when we sin we have in Him an Advocate, and a fountain still open to wash away our sin, and always welcome to come; never so welcome to Christ as when we feel our misery and poverty, our nothingness and unworthiness. He it is who gives the broken and contrite heart that He delights to look upon. The enemy would fain keep us from Christ when we feel our vileness; but it was for sinners Jesus died. May the Lord bless you, and keep you moment by moment, is the daily prayer of your affectionate mother.”
TO HER SON H.
“My DEAREST H,
“.... AYhat should we do were it not for a throne of grace to oro to? In all mv troubles and difficulties I f.pf to
Christ, for none can help me but Him, Do you the same. You need not cany your own burdens, when Christ has commanded you to cast them on Him. Learn, in the earher stages of your Christian pilgrimage, to go constantly to Jesus. Live upon Him for all you need for both soul and body, for He has redeemed and will take care of both. In doing this you honour Christ, and glorify your Father who is in heaven. Another thing I would wish to impress upon you is, never to keep guilt upon your conscience. As soon as you are sensible of having sinned, go that moment to Jesus, confess it, and ask His cleansing blood to be applied, and the guilt removed. Do not be tempted to put it off to a more convenient hour. Here Satan will endeavour to foil you by persuading you that it is time enough to confess that sin at night, when you retire for prayer; but go at that moment to Christ, and this will enable you always to rejoice in Him, and enable you to retain a tender conscience, which is a great blessing.... We have no revivals here, but still there is a great deal of sterling Christianity found.”
TO HER SON 0.
“.... Oh, what a God do you serve? How infinitely condescending in all His steps towards you, and how deeply indebted are you to give yourself entirely to Him! Dear Mr. Evans was showino; on Tuesday evenino; the various ways in which a believer first declined from God. One was in making light of little sins. He remarked the Holy Spirit might be grieved even by a look — a lie in the heart which did not escape the lips — a word — a thing which might be liwful in itself, but might wound the tender conscience. The Spirit consequently withdraws His heavenly influence, and the soul is left barren and cold: and this state grows more and more, until the Lord again appears, restores the soul, and heals the poor backslider. There is a backsliding in heart which only God can discern. Oh, let us beware of that. Beware of trifling conversation; it grieves the Spirit. One way to be assured that we are not going hack in the divine life is to go forward. This is an observation of Mr. Evans vesterday, and which he says lie got from good Mr. Adams, of whom he speaks in the highest terms as a minister and a Christian. He preaches at Cowes.”
LETTERS TO HEIl SON. Ill
TO HER MOTHER.
“.... To-morrow we shall have our dear pastor again. Oh, what a precious gospel we hear; doctrinal, practical, and experimental religion, beautifully blended. He preaches the gospel, lives and walks in it. We all love him. He is trulj a man of God, highly gifted, yet humble as a little child. I never knew a man who seemed to find his way to one’s affections as Mr Evans does in his preaching. He arrests your attention, instructs your mind, and captivates your heart. While he is preaching, you never see a wandering eye. Oh, for manv more such labourers !,...! have had a minister from on a visit; but his conversation has been unprofitable. He is too light and trifling. My soul was grieved; but remembering that a sparrow falls not to the ground without my Lord, I thought he was sent here by Him. I asked the Lord if He had not sent him, to remove him; or that, if He had, to change his spirit and sanctify his sojourn under my roof. The Lord heard me. This man is changed for the better, and confesses he feels as different as a man could feel from what he did before he came. He attended Mr. Evans’s ministrv, which was oreatlv blest to him; and he is now humble as a little child, and his conversation serious and proper. He remarked to me, ‘I believe in Revivals now, for I can truly say I feel a revival in my own soul since I came to town.’ So you see how good is God to all who trust in Him.
TO HER SON 0.
“Sabbath. — Heard Mr. Evans from the words. Bear ye one another’s burdens and so fulfil the law of Christ. How deep are the riches of the love of Christ. The Lord does wonderfully open His heart to this His beloved servant. In the afternoon the newly-appointed deacons were set apart. It was a most delightful season. Mr. Evans so humble and excellent in his address to them, particularly in his allusion to their care for, and their kindness and tenderness towards the poor — their poor brethren. Saw beloved Mr. Whitmore; he gave me a loving look for you, I know. It was just such a look as he used to give you, so you can fancy it.
“Well, I have been to prayer for you. What a comfort we can meet at a throne of grace, although so far apart: and that Jesus can answer our petitions for each other at the very moment they are presented! God be praised for this glorious plan of salvation, and this method of access to Him, so suited to our condition. No other wav would have done. I see, dear child, by the papers, you are delivering a course of sermons on the Second Advent of Christ. I pray you may be kept within the strictest bounds of Scripture, for it is critical ground upon which you are treading, and the imagination may be made a handle of by the enemy of souls to lead you into vain speculations, as it has done many others. Keep close to the word of God. Do not wear yourself out.
“I miss vour arm when I ero to the house of God, and the little chat when we return. But I think of you as I go, and remember Jesus has said, I will never leave thee nor forsake thee. Heaven would be no heaven to me if I did not find mv Saviour there — He who loved me in prosperity, loved me in adversity, and will love me even unto death. This evening I received your interesting letter. It did me good, but I was grieved to hear your spirits were depressed. My precious child, when you accepted the pastoral office, you commenced a life of trial both from saint and from simier. Oh, do not be surprised at all you meet with. Look to Jesus. Do not let difficulties dirtress you. The cause is Christ’s, and all you have to do is to take them to Him.”
“16th. — Since I last wrote, the Lord has turned mv heart to praise, and has most blessedly drawn my soul nearer to Himself, and blessed me with a clearer view of Jesus seated at His right hand — risen indeed; risen for me, and risen for you. These words have been a sweet portion to my soul: — This Jesus has God raised up of luhoni vje all are witnesses. And you all are witnesses too, my dear children; for surely God did bow the heavens, and pour out His Holy Spirit upon you as a witness that He that was dead was alive, and liveth for evermore. Oh, witness for Him! let your preaching witness for Him, let vour lives witness for Him, let vour hearts witness for Him, aboundins; in love towards Him, and towards all who bear His imasre.”
TO HER SOX H.
“.... I have just heard of the loss of your dear little M. E. — I feel more for you than for the dear child; for she, I know, is happy beyond description; but you, the dear parients, will feel it keenly. I trust the Lord who has wounded will heal and sanctify. ‘SVq ought to hold our comforts with a loose hand. This is a little scion severed from the parent stem, and transplanted to the garden of glory above. AVe ought to rejoice while we mourn, that she is taken from the evil to come, and so soon made happy. Keep your eve upon Christ. He loves you as you loved your little one, but He loved her far more, and so took her to the enjoyment of Himself May He preserve you both, and keep you near Himself” ....
TO HER MOTHER.
“.... I am as sure as I have got this pen in my hand that a life of constant employment is the best for the Christian; and, on the contrary, a life of worldly ease and prosperity is a time of temptation to the soul, and great grace is needed to keep us from falling into it. Trials and difficulties lead to God, and the soul is kept lively and active. AYhen external things flourish, invrard things droop. When the world frowns, Christ is welcome, and we flee to Him; and this is one of the reasons that our Heavenly Father so often appears to chide, for His love is always the same, even when Providence frowns. I do not know whether I told you of a little circumstance that took place a few days ago. I was called to visit the case of a poor widow with seven children, livino- in a miserable alley, and in o:reat distress and want. After some conversation with her, which did not entirely satisfy me that she was altogether a Christian, I left her some assistance, pointing her, at the same time, to the widow’s best Friend. On visiting her again, after some conversation not at all satisfactory, I went to prayer, bringing her and myself to God, not as saints, but as two poor sinners. My heart was much drawn out to plead for her; so much so, that I wept as I prayed. On resuming my seat, the poor woman made some allusion to her husband’s ordination. ‘Was your husband a minister?’ I asked. ‘Yes, ma’am, he was; and he preached
the truth, for which he was persecuted. His name was.’
‘Was he ever in America?’ ‘Yes, in New York.’ Did he ever preach in London?” Yes, and came to this house to die.’ I was deeply affected to find I was in the lov.dy cottage where the Rev. Mr., whom I had often heard with interest, breathed his last. I said, ‘I knew your husband in New York.’ She eagerly fixed her eyes, swimming in tears, on my face, and said, ‘Oh, ma’am, tell me your name.’ On being informed, she taid, ’ xVh! I have heard my poor husband mention that name; and only think that you should be brought here, in such a place, to visit me!’ I felt very much aflfected; and, as you may suppose, more interested in her case than ever. Good-night. The watchman is crying the hour of nine o’clock.”
TO HER SOX O.
“October 9tli. — On Sunday evening I worshipped in Pentonville Chapel, and heard Mr. Sheppard. As soon as I was seated, I ftlt such an inexpressible love to God for His great and wonderful goodness to me in all my weary pilgrimage, from the time I used to worship there with your dear father and all you little ones, that I wept. I took a review of all the way He had led me, the troubles and difficulties through which He had brought me, His long-suffering patience and unmerited goodness and love in following, upholding, and comforting me, and at last Ijringing me back where my eyes again saw my teacher in the sanctuary where I first heard of a precious salvation and a crucified Saviour. He caused all His goodness to pass before me, and my heart overflowed with penitence and love. I felt, too, near the body of my dear husband, whose spirit, I trust, is rejoicing in glory with Christ. Dear Mr. Sheppard preached an interesting sermon on prayer, illustrated by Samson, when he pulled down the pillars, and destroyed both himself and the Philistines. But there was too much of Samson, and too little of Christ.”
“13tli. — Heard Mr. Evans from Hebrews iv. 14; Seeing then that ive have a great High Priest, that is 2jassed into the heavens Jesus the Son of God, let us hold fast our profession. He dwelt a great deal upon the real professor holding fast his profession, in which he advanced much to encourage; while he addressed nominal professors very awfully, and half-hearted professors very closely. AVhile the Doxology was being sung, i thought I woidd raise my voice in praise, which, as soon as I did, the Lord broke sweetly into my soul, and filled my heart with joy and peace, — the peace which the world knows
nothing of.”
Oh for this love let rooks and hills
Their lastin<i; silence break.”
“i[ondav. — I was yesterday enabled to attend the prayer-meeting in John-street liefore the service, which is always very sweet to my soul. Afterwards, Mr. Evans preached from the words, Thy gentleness hath made me great. In the evening we sat round the table of our dying Lord. I had not that clear view of my Beloved I am sometimes favoured with. The subject of the discourse was the command of Joshua to the Israelites to go in and possess the land. Mr. E. dwelt much on the freshness of the gift, and the fulness of the good land; and showed how many stood but on its borders, and did not enter in. He spoke of Canaan being a type of the kingdom of God in this world; that there were not two kingdoms, but one, part on earth and part in heaven, as Christ says, The kingdom of God is within you. At the new birth the believer enters into this kingdom, and becomes a subject. He was very full and sweet in encouraging the timid Christian to go fully into this good land, and enjoy the rich blessings that are for him.”
“Another sabbath is passed. I could only attend one service. The text was from Genesis xxiv. 53: Wilt thou go with this man? And she said, I will go. He was very excellent; but as Mr. Whitmore said, he did not open the casket enough, and speak quite so much of Christ as he might have done. On Tuesday morning I heard Mr. Wilkinson at the Bank. Genesis xxi. 3. It was full of Christ, and so refreshing and encouraging. Remember, my dear 0, the more
your sermons are filled with Christ, from first to last, the more will Christ honour your ministry. There is no preaching like it. Never be afraid of not finding something new to say of Him. The Holy Ghost will supply you with matter as you go on. Never doubt it, never fear. The whole Bible points to Christ, and you must make it all bear upon the same subject — Christ the sum and substance of the whole. In Him, God and the sinner meet, and they can meet nowhere else. All the promises are in Christ Jesus, and we must get into Christ before we can get at the promises; and then they are all yea and amen to us.”
TO HER MOTHER.
“.... I often think how mysterious are the ways of God. It is our mercy, however, to know at all times that He is directing our steps, and that not a circumstance in our lives but
is included in the ereilastinff covenant that is ordered in all things and sure. I feel your society would add much to my happiness, I often have so much to say to you. But oh, what a mercy that we both have Jesus to open our hearts to! It is a great thing to be helped to be satisfied with God’s dealings and ways, and not to dictate to Him, even in our m.inds, what we conceive would be better for us. It is not change of place or circumstances, but Christ alone that can make us truly happy here and hereafter. God would have us cease from these things, and live upon Him alone for our enjoyments.
Mr. is fast declininsr, and seems to have to make a fresh
acquaintance with Jesus. A cold, intellectual faith, a mere assent to the gospel, will not stand in a dying hour. We want something more.”
“Yesterday I heard a precious sermon from Mr. Evans, from Rev. i. 8, showing, throughout the v-hole, that Jesus Christ is the omnipotent God, ’ the Almighty.’ It was grand, it was sublime. I trust I felt something: of the convincinoj power of the truth, that this omnipotent Being was my precious Jesus, in whom I trust, and on whom I daily depend for all I need for time and for eternity.”
TO HER CHILDREN.
“.... I look upon more in the light of a backslider,
and have a more favourable opinion of him than his family have, althouo-h he is in a most miserable state for a Christian to be in. But let him that thinlccth he standeth, take heed lest he fall, is an admonition that should cause us to look narrowly to our own wav, and not cast the first stone at a fallen brother, but rather pray for such a one. Beware, my dear, dear children, of the first declension from Christ. Examine your hearts, and brins: them dailv, vea hourly, to Jesus, with all that you find evil there; and He will subdue it, and give you the victory. Never sit down to reason with your own heart, for it is deceitful; but fly to your true, your tried Friend, and He will never disappoint nor deceive you. Never neglect private prayer; and plead hard with Jesus for a constant and abiding spirit of prayer, so that you can lift up your heart to Him wherever you are, or in whatever you may be engaged. Plead much for the promised indwelling of the Holy Ghost. Be cautious of grieving this most blessed Guest of your souls; and when you do, go immediately to Christ, and He will wash it aJl away. Avoid light, trifling professors of religion; their influence will be as poison to your souls. Be very cautious to whom you open your heart. Make no one your confidant but Jesus. Oh, commune with Him of all that is in your heart. If you are wounded, go and tell Christ. If you are in need, go and tell Christ, — the silver and the gold are His. If you are in trouble, go and tell Christ, and He will deliver you out of it, and you shall glorify Him. Live upon Him as little children would live upon a dear, kind, and tender father. Oh, how happily will you then pass on your way! If at any time you are in perplexity or difficulty, through your own imprudence or otherwise, go not to an arm of flesh, nor sit down to consider how you are to obtain deliverance; but go directly to Jesus, and tell Him all, all; and He will appear for you, and brins: you out of all, by suo-estino; to your minds the rio;ht means to be used, and following them with His blessing. Oh, I beseech you to do this, and may the Lord incline you to do so for His name’s sake! Amen and amen.”
TO ONE OF HER SOXS.
“How is it with your soul and body to-day, my dear child? I trust you feel Christ very near and increasingly precious. I felt much comfort to-day while pleading with many tears for J ou. I believe the Lord heard, and will graciously answer. I seldom lift up my heart to God, but you are present to my mind, morning, noon, and night. May He hold you continually in the hollow of His hand, and make you a rich blessing whenever He calls you to stand up in His name.”
Elevated as were at times her spiritual feelings, it will appear from the following that she was subject to those changes and depressions which more or less mark the experience of all the Lord’s people. And yet it was a characteristic of her faith, that in her gloomiest depressions, and in her deepest trials, she never lost sio;ht of her interest in the unchangeable covenant. That covenant was her sheet-anchor in every storm. She knew that God might vary His dispensations, but could not change in His love. She learned to judge of Him, not by His providence, but by His word; by what He said rather than by what He did; and this kept her soul confiding and serene amidst the fluctuations of hope and the waves of sorrow. One trait, however, of her Christianity we must not overlook. She was never satisfied to remain in a sluggish state of soul, or to walk beneath the veihngs of the divine presence. She arose and “went about the citv, in the streets and in the broadways, seeking Him whom her soul loved,” nor rested until she found Him. The followins: extracts, illustratins: this, are from letters addressed to one of her sons: —
“29th. — I feel very low in my soul, and need a plunge in the divine life. I have not, since that precious revival, felt so barren and so hstless as of late. But God knows my heart, how I long after Him, and how far I am from being happy or satisfied in such a frame. How miserable it is to walk without the sun! But in the darkest hour the Christian has, he may safely rely on the faithfulness of Him with whom is no shadow of turning. This is my comfort — Jesus is still the same. But I want to walk closer to Him, and to enjoy the smiles of His blessed face. That is the world, or ten thousand worlds, to me, if He withdraw His heavenly countenance? Kothing under heaven can compensate for the loss of this. True, we are to walk by faith; but I always fear something is wrong in us when Christ retires, even for a day or an hour. I have been trying to examine myself, and can see nothing but evil; therefore I must turn afresh to Christ, and one believing glance of that all-sufficient Atonement will dispel every cloud, and fill my soul with joy and comfort. How I covet the broken heart and the contrite spirit! I would rather seek my Saviour, sorrowing every step I take, than feel a dull, hard, insensible heart. Jesus has died — Jesus is risen — and Jesus is in very deed at the right hand of God exalted, and there ever lives to plead the cause of His poor, tried, tempted followers. I have been thinking of the worldling’s happiness. It never satisfies — affords no real enjoyment — it does not reach the soul. Ten thousand worlds could not satisfy me, now that I have tasted the unspeakably precious love of Christ. TVell, then, let us hold fast our confidence, and still look upward; and when we cannot run, let us walk; and when we cannot walk, let us creep after him — but still, go forward. Better to follow Him as a Mary did, weeping, than be satisfied without Him. Oh, that we may press on, remembering Jesus’ eye is ever upon us, although we may not always be able to discern Him.”
“I am convinced that much intercourse with lukewarm professors does great injury to the believer, for which reason I longed to return home once more. Oh, avoid such! Light and trifling conversation acts as a poison to the life of God in the soul. It grieves the Spirit, and He “withdraws His .-ensible influence. law the Lord keep us from evil, that it grieve us not, and restore constantly to us the joys of His salvation.”
“I felt refreshed on Tuesday evening at the lecture. How needful are the means of grace, if we wish to thrive. I hope you will encourage meetings for prayer, my beloved child. Mav God crive you wisdom in all thins:?, and grace to do His most holy will! Let me entreat you to look to him con-Linuallv, for counsel to direct in little as well as in great matters. Great things often spring out of little things. I perceive you have forgotten ‘Rutherford’s Letters.’ I wish you had taken them. Keep to the old divines. Modern divinity is very shallow — has very little of Christ and experience. May God give you a spiritual appetite and deep experience in the things pertaining to His kingdom! Oh, that we might both be led to sit more constantly at the feet of Jesus, looking up, like little children, into His face to catch His smile and watch His eye — to see what He would have us to do, seeking nowhere else for comfort and guidance but in Him. In a short period, and we shall have done with everything but God; and oh, that we may have chiefly to do with Him now.”
“How sweet to feel that all the kindness and tenderness of the creature flow first from Christ. If this be so, the creature may change, but Jesus never. In all your perplexities, rest in the Lord and wait ycitiently for him. It is in a patient waiting for Him and not in an impatient dictating to Him, that He blesses. Does the burthen of your work press heavily upon you? Try and think it not a burthen — Christ has borne a heavier one for you. Count it an honour; and be assured that this is a trial of your faith, and to lead you to know more of your own heart and more of the heart of Jesus. The religion of Christ I more and more see to be a divine, a glorious realitv. It is no cunninMv-devised fable; it is truth — confirmed, settled, grounded in the heart and soul by the power of the Holy Ghost. Let us not, then, be faint and weary because of the way. It is the Lord’s way. Thorny and steep though may be the ascent, when we reach the summit we shall be well repaid for all our labour.”
“Your dear letter has been a source of much comfort to me, and this morning particularly was much blessed to my soul. As you say, * What a blessing it is to realize the Being of God.’’ I feel that He is, and that He is all around us — closer to us than we are to ourselves; for in Him we live, and move, and have our hting. I often awake in the morning with strong unbelief, attended with such a feeling of despondency as throws a gloominess over all my prospects. How dishonouring is this to God! I fall upon my knees, and in a moment it is gone. I see the face of Christ, and his loving, compassionate look disperses the cloud, and all is peace. This morning, your sweet view of God refreshed me while in prayer, and drew forth my soul towards Him in adoring gratitude.”
“Last evening, at the church-meetinfr, in relatino- the experience of a child of God, Mr. Evans spoke of the individual’s earnest wish to be honest with God. Oh, I thought, that God would make me honest with Him; that He would give me a holy, upright, honest dealing — having no concealments, no reservations! A thorough cleansing from all hypocrisy, vain-glory, and hated emulation — a wanting to be thought something, when we are less than nothing! What a chamber of iniquity is the heart, all hidden and unknown, until God in mercy shows it to us, as we are able to bear the disclosure! This is ploughing up the fallow ground afresh.”
“I have never felt God the Father so dear and endearing as of late. To say, ‘My father,’ — to come to Him as to a father who loves and pities 3’ou, and can and will do all needful good, — how sweet! But while He sends the trial until it accomplishes the end for which it was designed, yet he will give all-sufficient grace while it lasts. I would gladly have you with me, if it were the Lord’s will; but our happiness depends not upon change of circumstances or of place, but upon a su1)mission of our wills to the will of God — a complete surrender of every desire and wish to Him who is acquainted with what is best for us.”
“Feb. 27th. — This is my birthday. This morning, before rising, I had such a precious manifestation of love poured into my soul by the God of love, that my heart was broken with deep contrition and repentance, accompanied with a holy longing to be more swallowed up in God — to be more like Him — more wholly and devotedly His, than I have ever been. My heart seemed opened to God, and His heart opened to me. I felt such a spirit of praise as I could scarcely contain. What shall I say to these things? I am Christ’s and Christ is mine. He causes me to know it; I feel it to be so without a doubt, or even the shadow of a doubt. And yet this verj thing it is that humbles me in the dust before Him. I weep that I am such a sinner, while I stand in wonder and astonishment that God can love, and does love, such a one as I; and having loved me in time, will love me through eternitj’. Oh, help me to praise Him! Jesus is mine — Jesus is yours; and we shall live together to praise Him and cast our crowns at His feet.”
“I opened my Bible this morning, and my eye rested upon Nehemiah, i. 1 1: 0 Lord I beseech thee, let now thine ear he attentive to the prayer of thy servant, and to the irrayer of thy servants, who desire to fear thy name; and j)’>’Osp)er, I pray thee, thy servant this day, and grayit him mercy in the sight of this man. It was quite a season of reviving to my soul, and my heart was made glad, for Nehemiah’s God is my God, and your God, too, beloved; and His ear is ever open to our cry. And yet, when the Lord was about to answer Nehemiah’s praver, he was afraid through unbelief What a good and gracious God He is, to bear with us as He does! Our wicked, soul-destroying, God-dishonouring unbelief, keeps us grovelling in the dust, when we ought to be soaring on the eagle-wing of gratitude and love.”
“How needful it is to have a Guide who knows the end from the beginning, and if we ask counsel from Him, He will give it, only watching our deceitful hearts, that we do not make up our minds, and then go to God for counsel. I believe there are many Christians who are walking in a smooth path, and have nothing outwardly to contend with, who would be thankful to be tried; for they feel that if they have faith it has never been tested, and are sometimes doubting, because they have never been afflicted as God’s people usually are. They have never been led to feel deeply the abounding iniquity of their own hearts; and while they read. If ye he without chastisement, whereof all are partakers, then are ye hastards and not sons, they tremble lest they should only have a name to live, while they will be found wanting in the last day. Oh, that God would make us grateful that it is as well with us as it is; and that the little trials we have may be so sanctified as to draw us near to Christ, and make Him more precious than ever!”
“The difficulties and trials connected Avi!]i your Jioly office as a minister of the everlasting gospel, give nie many errands to the throne of erace, where 1 lav vour case before the Lord, and plead with niany tears on your behalf. But I praj to be kept, at the same time, from a spirit of dictation. Our heavenlv Father knows better how to control and direct our concerns than we know ourselves. Oh, to be among the number who ichi’lly trust in the Lord! AVhat a perpetual warfare is the Christian’s course! Many of God’s saints talk to me as if I had frot above these thinss; but oh, they little know that I am as poor as poverty itself, and am obliged to draw all my supplies from the same source with themselves, and that without Christ I can do nothing. Indwelling sin is my daily cross, compared with which every other appears light.”
■’Nothing but the power of the Holy Ghost can convert the soul. The word, and the preaching of the word, pass for nothing, unless accompanied by the ELolv Spirit. It is like attemptins: to shoot a bird from a £run cliared onlv with powder. This should give the trembling, doubting believer much comfort, and also the more assured one; for if God has begim His work in the soul, God will complete it, and all sin cannot destrov it. A sinner converted by the Holv Ghost cannot destrov himself. He may destroy his comfort and peace, and impair his spirituality, but his soul he cannot destroy, for Christ has redeemed and sanctified it by His blood. How poor and contemptible is all the wisdom and talent of man when left to itself! Salvation, from first to last, is of God. God begins it, God carries it on, and God will finish it for ever. Blessed be His holy name!’”
“January 28th. — I perceive by your letters that you are often depressed. This is natural, from the many trials and difficulties connected wiih your office. But you must remember that you are called to endure hardship as a good soldier of Jesus Christ; and must expect to be tried and bufieted if you would be an exjyerimental minister of the cross. And do not forget He is infinite in wisdom, who selects and orders all your trials as those best suited to your case, and most qualified to prepare you for vour work. Be assured no other would have done. May we be more sanctified by what we suffer! I am yet a learner, and seem as if I always required my Father’s discipline. Oh, for a more subdued and weaned heart from all but Godl”
THE minister’s WIFE. 123
“The more I know of the utter impossibihty of the Christian, after he is a Christian, to keep himself for one hour, yea, for one moment, the more deeply anxious I feel for myself, and for all who profess the name of Christ. Those may be ready to say, who are but little acquainted with the deceitfulness of their own hearts, Is thy servant a dog that he should do this f but the longer we are in this warfare the more jealous we should be of ourselves. It was the prayer of David, Hold
thou me up and I shall he safe. Tender love to dear.
Tell her I have never been so firmly convinced as of late of the absolute necessity of the holv, wise walk of a minister’s wife. It is my constant prayer that God will fully qualify her for her high and solemn position. One consideration is of importance. A minister’s wife should never allow her husband’s mind to be harassed with the anxieties and perplexities of domestic concerns. Everv little difl&culty and annoyance of that kind should be kept quite from his knowledge. Not long since, I was much pained, when on a visit to a dear man of God, while listening to his many conflicts, his wife, a Christian woman, too, entered, and commenced a tedious detail of a difficulty she had had with one of the domestics. Poor man! he sighed, and that sigh conveyed a volume of meaning to my mind.”
“Unbelief is the strongest enemy we have to contend with. How it tries and harasses the believer every step of his eventful journey! It engenders in him often the basest ingratitude, and causes him to mourn when it is his duty and privilege to rejoice. How much too it curtails all his mercies; for it is now, as in the days of Christ, Be it unto you according to your faith — so that little faith secures but little comfort, and less enjoyment. Oh, for a stronger confidence in God!”’
As a means of embodying and giving practical effect to the holy sympathy of Christian mothers, perhaps no institution has been found more suitable, or has been more honoured with the Divine blessing, than the “Maternal Association.” The influence of pious mothers, silent, yet mighty, has become almost proverbial. How few training for the Christian ministry in the schools of the prophets, or as settled pastors are cultivating successfully the vineyards at home, or on heathen shores are honoured missionaries of the cross, would be found, on inquiry, who had not been blest with godly mothers! And of these how fewer still the number who would not testifv that it was that mother’s hand that first guided their infant footsteps to the Saviour! It was here, in the bosom of the Christian family-, the tiny seed was sown which, in long after years, and when, perhaps, the hand that dropped it was mouldering in the grave, struck deep its roots, and extended wide its branches, blessing the world with its fruit, and beautifying the church with its comeliness. It was here, in the pious home, the latent desire to be a Christian was inspired, the first thought of being a minister was conceived, and the purpose of a life for God was formed. Oh, let Christian parents awake to a conviction of their mighty, almost creative power! Few were more sensible of this than Mrs. Winslow, and few more honoured than she in the right direction of her influence. Compelled by her removal from town, to withdraw from attendance at the meetings of the John-street Chapel Maternal Association, yet cherishing for its object an undiminished and prayerful interest, she addressed the following letter, designed to encourage her in this good work, to the former wife of her pastor: —
“... And so you are discouraged. Trials and difficulties many, faith tried, and only three met! Did you expect to undertake a work for Christ and get on smoothly, while there is everything within and without to oppose it? Did you expect faith would not be tried in this matter? Faith takes hold of the strength and power of God, and looks alone to Him. You were looking to vour little feeble band of three, although you were within the number Christ has promised to bless. In a country place in America, a few Christian females engaged to meet to pray for a blessing on their families; but after a while it declined, and continued to do so until only two came.” Shall we give up?’ was the question. They thought of God’s faithfulness to His promise, of His power and goodness, and resolved to go on. They met. these two only, again and again. They pleaded the promise, and encouraged each other by their prayers. At last the answer came. God tried their faith, Jesus interceded, and it had not failed. Some who had left them returned, others followed; the place of prayer was soon filled. The Lord poured out His Spirit on them, and they prayed in earnest until the blessing was given. The church felt the holy influence; their children at home began to inquire what they must do to be saved; the mothers directed them to Jesus, and prayed on. God in very deed bowed the “heavens, and came down in their midst to bless them. Manv of their unconverted children and husbands were led to submit to Christ, and the whole church shared in this remarkable revival. Dear sister, take courage and look up. God loves to hear your prayers. Did the mothers in John-street Chapel but see their children standing on the edge of an awful precipicp, and know that none but God could prevent their destruction, would they not cry day and night to Him? But what can be compared to the eternal death that awaits them, if they die unconverted? And will they not meet together for united prayer, that their dear children may escape from the wrath to come? Again I say unto you if tico of you shall agree on earth as touching anything that they shall ask, it shall be done for them of my Father which is in heaven. Matt, xviii. 19. This is a promise worth millions of gold and silver, and this promise you have to plead. May God help us to give full credence to His word, and deal with Him as one who cannot but do all He has promised, because He is God! In proportion as we feel the infinite value of the immortal soul, we shall feel anxious for its salvation. Now, beloved, expect difficulties, expect opposition, even from your own heart; but you have the Lord on your side. Jesus is waiting to be gracious. The Holy Spirit is waiting to do all that He has engaged to do; and angels are waiting to rejoice over unconverted sinners, in answer to your prayers. We shall never fully know, until we get to heaven, the mighty power of importunate prayer with God. If I knew your time of convening, I would unite my poor prayers with yours. I am earnest on this subject, knowing the great blessings that have attended such efforts. Go forward in the strength and power of Jehovah-Jesus, and God must and will bless you.”