Miscellaneous Extracts from Her Diary, Between the Years 1688 and 1732
1688. December 8. Saturday night. — I spent a little time in looking over my papers of this kind, finding how it hath formerly been with me. I have just cause to fear decays in grace, because I do not watch over the motions of my heart so strictly as formerly. Wo is me. Do I go backward instead of forward? O Lord, strengthen thou the things which remain. This evening I was a little refreshed with a passage, in a letter from a friend, speaking of the providence of God thus — It is not only tender, but particular. He gives his angels charge over me. A host of angels about one Elijah.
1089. September 10. I read, in course, iv. I found many sweet prophetical passages concerning the enlai’gement of the gospel church. “The mountain of the Lord’s house shall be established on the top of the mountains.” A thing I have often prayed for — that Christ’s kingdom might be ujipcrmost; and though I may not live to see it, yet I steadfastly believe it shall be in God’s due time.
12th. My dear mother, together with brother and sister Hulton, came to see us. Stayed all night. Next day returned. I was much pleased, and refreshed with their company, but, alas! how do such pleasures pass away — perish in the using! At parting, my mother prayed with us. Sister Hulton left with me that Scripture, Lam. iii. 26. It is good both to hope and quietly wait. Oh, I want this quietness of spirit, but I do cast my care upon God. If it be good for me he will bear me up under my burden to the appointed time; if otherwise, I submit. I will endeavour that there shall not be a murmuring heart.
IGOO. April 11. Wednesday, I was present at the funeral of Mrs. Kirks, at Chester. Brother preached immediately after, on Luke xvi. 9. — “that when ye fail.” Death is a failing. This nio-ht mv father came to Chester.
Thursday. My father preached, and baptized brother Henry’s child Elizabeth, in the face of a full assembly. God, hear prayers for it, and make it a branch of thy family. Tills night we all — sisters and brothers — slept at brother Henry’s, where afterwards, we went up to sister’s chamber, and my fatiicr prayed with his ten children. — Blessed be God wliohath once brought us all together in this world, but the great time of gathering is to- come.
Saturday. After I had a few days seen and enjoyed my dear relations we must part. It is very probable it may be long before we again meet, but as to that I am not very solicitous. My three sisters are all near an hour of peril and danger. I have prayed for, and commended them to God. In better hands they cannot be. Now I will wait for a good issue. We came home safe, but I was verjweary. When I reflect on the five days past, it cannot but be with regret and sorrow that I have not performed this long intended journey after a godly sort. I have not done, nor gotten the good which I might. Little comnumion with God in secret. Oh that I might now regain lost time. My gracious God was also with our family, so that we” find all well at our return. My. child well and hvely, in answer to prayer. How much am I indebted! Behold he hath been careful for me with all this care, and what small returns have I made!
Sabbath, July 19. I went in the morning to Nantwich, it being sacrament day. Little time spent in preparation. But, this morning I read the last chapter of Matthew, concerning the resurrection of my Lord. Methought the 7th verse very much affected me — “He goeth before you into Galilee, there shall ye see him.” I trust he goes before me this day, and will be in yonder assembly, where I shall see him, according to the desire of rny soul. Mr. Lawrence preached in the morning on Rom. i. 16. — “I am not ashamed of the gospel of Christ.” There is no reason to be ashamed of it, but rather to glory in it, because it is * the gospel of Christ,’ and also, ’ the power of God to salvation.’ It is a mean of salvation by the power of God going along with it. At noon he administered the sacrament. He was very lively and sweet. I came away refreshed. In the afternoon Mr. Edglcy preached: a young man whom my father has been training up among the sons of the prophets. Oh that the spirit of Elijah, or rather of the Lord God of Elijah, might rest on these Elishas, that they may be pillars in the temple of my God. His subject vi’as Matt.
xi. 28. ‘Come unto mc’ To which my soul answers, Behold; I come unto thee, for thou art the Lord my God. I returned at night, but I had not that time for self-examination and reflection which was needful.
1602. Jan. 24th. I did not rise so early as I should. The weather very cold, and my heart cold also. How weak is my heart to every thing that is good. What reason have I to be thankful for the comforts of this life that I enjoy, that I am not wandering about to beg my bread. Sometimes this week my heart has been a little raised in secret duty; at other times as cold as a stone.
29th. I had a letter and comfortable tidings from my dear father, as also four directions how to keep warm within in this cold season.
1. ‘Get into the Sun, that is, Christ. Under the beams of this blessed Sun of Righteousness there are warmth and comfort.
2 Walk to the fire, that is, the word of God. ‘Is not my word like fire V How many w arming, comforting passages are there.
3. Keep in motion, and action. Stirring up ourselves, and the gift and grace of God that is in us.
4. Christian converse and communion.
‘How can one be warm alone V
Alas! Wo is me, I have not the opportunity for Christian society which, formerly, I had; but my comfort is, that the blessed Spirit of God is not tied to work by means. God is able to make all grace abound in me according as my need shall be.
March 30. We sung in the family, at night, the close of Psalm cxlv. Them that love him will the Lord preserve in every place. At this my soul catches. I trust I am of the number of those who love him; and though I am remote from many of my dear relations, and, which is worse, from ordinances of worship, yet, in this place, my God can, doth, will preserve me.
April 3. Sabbath. This being a Sacrament day at Nantwich we designed to have joined there, but were prevented by ill weather. However, my good God sends me refreshing truths, when I wait at wisdom’s gates, in my closet. This morning I read an exposition on Judges v. 31. So let all thine enemies perish. God and his people have joined interests — his enemies are theirs — theirs are his. I thank thee, O Father, for this sweet word this morning. The worst enemies I have in the world are my own corruptions. If my enemies, then thy enemies.
So let than perish. So — as Sisera and his host, by an immediate hand from heaven when means failed. So — irrecoverably. So as not to rally again; but this must not be while I am in this world; yet, if my God will assist me to subdue, and keep them under, it shall be well. This day we had no preaching at Wrenbury. In the afternoon we went to Baddely. Heard Mr. Barnct on Mark i. 3. * Prepare ye the way of the Lord.’ They must prepare to receive Christ coming in the fiesh; we to receive him coming in the spirit. — Come, thou sweet Jesus, take up thine abode with me.
May 29. Sabbath. I was called up early
to Eiiz. S, in perilous circumstances, but
safely and speedily the mother of a living child. Blessed be God! I have not been enough thankful for the mercy of my birth. In the afternoon I went to church. Mr. Oliver preached on Rom. ii, 4. respecting the ill use that is, and the good use that should be, made of the patience of God.
1693. April 20. Thursday. I heard brother Henry on Gen. xxx. 2. ‘Am I in God’s stead V Doctrine. No creature is or can be to us in God’s stead. God may be instead of all creatures. Lord, teach me this good lesson.
Friday. Brother Henry’s little child (Mary) began to be ill.
Saturday. About noon she died. A short race soon run. Not quite three weeks old. The first that I ever saw die. O that I may by it learn the sinfulness of original sin.
Sabbath. April 23. Brother’s subject, Rom. V. 14. ‘Nevertheless death reigned from Adam to Moses, even over them that had not sinned after the similitude of Adam’s transgression’ — viz., infants. The discourse was concerning the dominion and reign of death. A thing that I find nature is shy of thinking of, but it is profitable One of the uses which I took special notice of was this — Get from under the I’eign of sin, and submit to the reign of Christ, and you need not fear the reign of death. But that which he especially insisted on was the reign of death over infants, which is proved by sad experience. In the close, the directions he gave to parents that have children thus snatched away, were four scriptures.
Gen. xliii. 14. ‘If I be bereaved of my children, I am bereaved.’
1 Sam. iii. 18. ‘It is the Lord — let him do what seemeth him good.’
2 Kings iv. 20. ‘It is well.’
Job i. 21. ‘The Lord gave, and the Lord hath taken away. Blessed be the name of tlic Lord!’
Sept. Gth. My dcnr mother came to give us a visit. She brought good tidings. The voice of joy and rejoicing is in the habitation of my dear relations, and in mine. Praised be God. Brother Henry, having been slandered by a malicious person as if he was overseen in drink, made his appeal to the magistrates of the town, when his innocency was made to appear as the light, and his adversaries made ashamed, and forced to acknowledge their fault; wherein God is to be acknowledged, who not only takes care of the persons of his servants, but also of their names, and reputation. This was on September 3d.
December 20th. Wednesday. My mother’s maid from Broad Oak came to see us. She brought me a comfortable letter from my dear father, wherein he reminds me of a passage he had newly read that morning in the family. 1 Thess. v. 24. ‘Faithful is he that calleth you, who also will do it.’ Query. What will he do? Answer. That spoken of ver. 23. sanctify me throughout, and preserve me blameless to his holy kingdom. Further,
What will he do? What will he not do? This, he adds — He will never leave you, nor forsake you. When you go down into the darksome valley he will be with you — his rod and his staff shall comfort you. Amen. This coming from an ambassador of Christ, I take as a consolatory message from heaven, and I desire to act faith on it. Blessed be God. His consolations are not to me small. The interest I have in the prayers and affections of my dear parents is comfortable, but what is this compared with the intercession of my great High Priest — -.Tesus Christ — who is passed into the heavens for me — seeing he ever liveth, (which no friend on earth doth) to make intercession for me?
1694. March 13. My God still continues to me the mercy of sabbaths: he is not wanting to me. I was at church morning and afternoon. Mr. Oliver’s subject, Rom. ii. 13. ‘Not the hearers of the law are just before God.’ Religion is an inward thing. Lord, search me and try me, and help nie to look within, that my heart may be sound and sincere. I am heavy and dull. Lord, when shall I serve thee without weariness? I sec reason to fear some quickening providence. Father, fit me for thv will.
Thursday. We had a private day at Mr.
Backet’s to seek God for that afflicted family. Two sons not well. Mr. Lawrence preached on Psahn xxxix. 5. * Verily every man at his best estate is altogether vanity.’ — Hebrew, Every man when settled. Oh that I was more thoroughly convinced of this great truth, that I may act accordingly.
June 4th. Monday. My husband having business at Peover, and I having long designed a journey thither, we went, where we stayed till Wednesday. Kindly entertained, but especially satisfied in personal acquaintance with Mrs. Calvert, having conversed together by letter seven years, but we never saw each other till now. I hope she is a true, serious Christian. She is near eighty, full of sweet and heavenly expressions, yet busied much with the affairs of that great family. We returned safe. Blessed be God! When I reflect on the fine peo[)lc, stately house, and furniture, &c. with which I was lately delighted, yet my own mean house, being my home, is more truly delightful to me — because here I am to abide. All true comfort I see flows from interest. If I could look upon heaven under the notion of my home, it would make thouirhts of it sweet.
July 11th. Wednesday. This week my good friend Mr. lUidge, having been at Broad Oak, called on me. He brought me good tidings thence. I am concerned to hear him complain of want of love to God and things spiritual. If he finds so much wanting, surely I much more. The company of such is delightful to me in this our imperfect state. Thy people, dear Lord, shall be my people in all conditions. I have, at times, this week had some more warmth upon my aficctions in duty than usual; and here is my misery — that, whereas my straitness is a means to humble me, my enlargements often help to puff me up.
Oct. 29th, Sabbath. In the morning I read some of the sermons of my dear father, preached on the passion of Christ. How much more easy is it when I read of his sufferings to find natural affections stirring, than sj)iritual ones. What matter of grief and shame that an innocent person should be thus used. But Oh! how should it especially affect me to think that it was not for himself that he suffered, but for lost man — to bring us to God. Be astonished, O ye heavens, at this. I would not have my seat empty in the public assembly when I can go, therefore, in the afternoon I went to Wrenbury. I had some weak desires and breathings after communion with my God. Mr. OUver’s subject — Psalm cxlvi. 5: he shewed that those who hale an interest in God are the only happy people, which is, certainly, a great truth. It is well with them in life, better at death, best of all to eternity.
Thursday. I went to Broad Oak.
Saturday. The near approach of the Sabbath puts me upon inquiring what I shall do to prepare myself to meet my God.
Sabbath. Nov. 4th. This is the day which the Lord hath made. A sweet exposition from the close of Matthew xi. — ‘Come unto me, all ye that labour.’ May I not, with that poor blind man, rise, and be of good cheer, since he calls me? Dear Saviour, I come to thee, a poor, weary, heavy-laden sinner. From thee alone I expect a supply of all my wants. The subject of the day was John xiv. 27. ‘Peace I leave with you, my peace I give unto you; not as the world givoth give I unto you. Let not your heart be troubled, neither let it be afraid.’ Doctrine. The Lord Jesus Christ hath given and left his own peace as a precious legacy to all his disciples and followers to the world’s end. Oh!
this sweet gift, this peace! It is heart’s ease; a house on a rock; heaven upon earth. Six hindrances of it — Want of knowledge — Want of grace — Want of godly sorrow — Want of faith — Want of prayer — Defects in obedience.
At the Lord’s Supper my father had this expression concerning true believers — that the blessed God hath promised to come to them, and make his abode with them. This I hastily catch at. My circumstances are such that I must shortly expect many weeks’ confinement. Lord, I have loved the habitation of thine house. I would gladly have my abode there, but since I cannot, wilt thou vouchsafe to take thine abode with me. Will God in very deed dwell with man — a sinful unworthy creature? I am not worthy that thou shouldst come under my roof, yet shall it be so? I charge you, O ye daughters of Jerusalem — all that is within me — be careful that you do not grieve or offend this blessed guest.
17th. Saturday night. Reading in Mr. Flavel, concerning the vision of God which the saints in heaven have — he hath this scripture allusion to Deut. xii. 8, 9. You shall not love, nor delight in God as ye do this day.
For, if the perfection of that state would admit of shame or sorrow, how should we blush and mourn in heaven to think how cold our love, and how low our delights in God were on earth. Further; under the same head, he adds thus — Ah, little do the friends of dead believers think what visions of God, what ravishing sights of Christ the souls of their friends have, when they are closing their eyes with tears. Serious thoughts of this would moderate grief in such cases.
21st. Wednesday. We had a lecture at Mr. Becket’s, at Sound. Mr. Lawrence came, and other friends, to seek God, especially for that family. One son lately died; another, who was entered into the ministry, in a languishing state. Father, hear prayer.
If it please thee reprieve and spare such as may be instrumental for thy glory. I had opportunity there to renew my covenant at the Lord’s table, that ordinance being administered for the sake of old Mrs. Parker, who has been long confined to her chamber. I would come to that ordinance humbly to pay my homage to a crucified Saviour, and to avow to all the world that I glory only in the cross of Christ, whom I have this day received afresh to be mine, and given up myself to be his. Mr. I^awrence’s subject was Psalm xxxix. 9. ‘I was dumb, I opened not my mouth, because thou didst it.’
160G. Sept. 22d. Wednesday. Dear brother Henry preached Ilanmer lecture, from Psalm ciii. 13. ‘Like as a father pitieth his children, so the Lord pities them that fear hiin.’ An excellent sermon. The foolish, simple child is pitied and instructed — the sick child pitied and comforted. The froward child is pitied and borne with. The fallen child is pitied and helped up again. The punished child pitied and spared. The penitent child pitied and pardoned. The weaned child pitied and fed. The weary child pitied and carried. The wanting child pitied and supplied. The wronged child pitied and righted. The weak child pitiod and assisted. The willing child pitied and accepted. Knowing by some experience the tender bowels of a parent to my children, I can the better judge of the tenderness of my heavenly Father.
1697. Sabbath. January 10th. This day and the evening before I spent some time in reading my dear father’s sermons on Col. iii. 11. Christ is all and in all. With this he concludes that subject which he was so long upon, viz. what Christ is to true believers in forty particulars. He is their Foundation, Food, Root, Raiment, Head, Hope, Refuge, Righteousness, &c. What can be added?, He is our all — our all in all — both in respect of the benefits we have by him — Election — Creation — Conversion — Justification — Consolation — Teaching — Redemption — Strength — at Death — in Judgment — to Eternity. In all these Christ is all in all. Further, as to duty to be performed to him. He is all in all to be known, chosen, loved, desired, delighted in, trusted, thought of, followed, preached. He is all in all in the Scriptures, in the Sacraments, in Sabbaths, in praying. Blessed be God for these sweet, wholesome truths to be food for my poor soul. He * being dead yet speaketh.’ And what is it he says, but that which his heart was always full of? Christ. Christ. Christ. Methinks I hear him still — O make Christ your all.*
Friday, January 29th. I went to Whitchurch, and thence to Broad Oak. I found my dear mother well. Since my dear father is dead, I am ready to say — the glory is departed. But why should I say so, since the
* The valuable book alluded to here, Christ all in all has been published by the Pres. Board of Publication, presence of God in his ordinances, is continued? He appears to own and bless that young man Mr. Bcnion so that the congregation seems to be as great as usual.
A comfortable day on Sabbath, January 31. Mr. Benion’s subject was 2 Cor. x. 5. concerning the government of the thoughts, which is, surely, a very seasonable word to me. He gave four excellent rules:
1. Curb and check the first motions of your thoughts to evil.
2. Call them off, and reclaim them when busied about evil.
3. Inure your thoughts to good objects, which they should fix on.
4. Engage them to moderation when employed about things in themselves lawful. These lawful things undo us, said a good man. Oh, if I could observe these rules, what advantage should I have by this day’s opportunity.
Tuesday, April 27. I went to Chester to spend a few days, and enjoy my dear relations. My good God brought me thither in safety, and I found them all well.
28th. A public fast appointed by authority for our whole nation to be humble before God — to pray, and seek his face, if so be that he will yet be intreatcd of us — that the issue of this summer’s proceedings may be an honourable, comfortable peace to all Europe. My brother beijau with an exhortation to stir us up to the work of the day. Then prayed and expounded Jonah i. Prayed again at large. Then y)reached from Isaiah lix. 20. compared with Rom. ii. 26. The Redeemer shall come to Sion to turn away ungodliness. The Redeemer is Christ. Sion, the Church. Many ways he may be said to come. He came in his first appearing in flesh. He comes in the preaching of the everlasting gospel. He comes to Sion — when he enlarges Sion’s borders — when he establishes Sion’s peace — when he asserts Sion’s privileges — when he abaseth Sion’s enemies. It is our great duty and interest to prepare for his coming, which must be by turning from ungodliness, according to frequent Scripture calls — Turn ye. Turn ye. Without this we must expect no benefit by his merciful appearances for his Church. Even the prosperity of fools tends to their hurt. He delivered many excellent truths. Lord, write them upon my heart that I may be the better. Oh that the prayers which have been offered to-day may return with a gracious answer. I was affected with a plea of dear brother’s in one prayer this day — ‘Lord, whilst each of the confederate princes is taking care for his own interest, and securing of that, wilt not thou take care of thy people, and thy interest V — It is comfortable that all the praying people of God in the nation have been our connpanions in the work of this day. Lord, hear thou in heaven thy dwelling-place.
Friday evening. Many good people met at brother Henry’s, to a Christian conference. The subject they are upon is — The benefits flowing from Justification — Adoption — Sanctification — according to the Assembly’s Catechism. This time upon increase of grace: The question was — What are the helps to increase of grace? The Word, Prayer, Meditation, Christian Communion, and many more mentioned, which I have foolishly let slip.
Friday, June 4th. ]My husband and I went to Broad Oak with our three little daughters. My dear aged mother hath been for some weeks much indisposed. Now, blessed be God, better. She cannot but be revived with eight of her grand-children about her. God hear her prayers for them all, that they may in due time be tiees of righteousness,
Tuesday night, 8th. Brother Henry came to US there, and the day following preached the lecture on Job xiv. 14. * All the days of my appointed time will I wait till my change come.’ What is meant by waiting? Looking. Longing. Patience. Preparation. This great change will come certainly, and may come suddenly; therefore, it is our great wisdom and duty to prepare for it. He gave the following directions. Get into a good state. Keep in a good way. Avoid those things which, when this change comes, will make it bitter. Abound in, and secure those things which will make for you at a dying hour; every day treasure up a prayer against that day. Sit loose to those things which, at death, you must leave. Converse much with those things which you must then go to. Eternity! Eternity! Oh that it could make some impressions upon my heart. I am ashamed that I, who perhaps am so near death, being but a few weeks from a perilous hour, converse no more with it. How seldom and shy are my thoughts of it. I am loth to own my kindred to the dust. Unlike Job, who said to corruption, ‘Thou art my father: to the worm, Thou art my mother and my sister.’
I had a comfortable time with my dear mother. We slept together, and often prayed together, ^vitIl coml^rt, at our bedside. She told me of Mr. Steel’s remedies against distractions, which must be so as to a great many other evils which I daily fall into — viz., these two, Sincerity, and Watchfulness. God help me in these.
Friday, June 18. I came to Whitchurch, to meet my husband to go home after a fortnight’s absence. Blessed be God for mercy abroad, and at home; going out and coming in, no adversary or evil occurrent. 1 came home safe at night. We all met together in peace and love. Praised be God, whose good providence doth watch over us when absent from each other. It is a mercy to have friends and relations to be with and enjoy — but a greater mercy to have a comfortable home to come to — to find ’ rest in the house of a husband,’ if any thing in this world may be called so.
Thursday, 24th. This day brings afresh to my mind the sad providence of this time twelve months, when God, by a sudden stroke, took away the desire of our eyes — my dear father. It is easy to weep over some of those showers of tears that were then shed, but it is hard to make a right improvement of the event. Oh! sin, sin. Sin it is that makes us naked, and deprives us of our comforts. The Lord is righteous, because we have provoked him.
Tuesday, July 27th. We had Mr. Lawrence with us, a few of our neighbours and friends being met to seek God, especially for mercy for the family, and myself in reference to the hour of my approaching sorrows. He expounded Psalm xvi. very sweetly. He observed from ver. 2., that there are saints in the earth — that they are the excellent ones of the earth, and that in them we should greatly delight. The subject was Psalm xxii. 30. ‘A seed shall serve him’ — namely, Christ. He hath in all ages had his remnant, who hath faithfully owned and served him — he has so at this day — and will have to the end of time. What a great duty lies upon parents in training up children. Oh that ours maybe a seed to serve Christ, and to bear up his name in their day. I have often prayed (yet with submission) that, if it be the will of Go 1, I might not bear or nurse any who shall dishonour him — but if it should please him to deny me this request, I am told to-day of two things to comfort:
I. The testimony of conscience that I have done my duty towards them: which God assist me in for his mercy’s sake, for I am weak.
2. This may comfort, that Christ will have a seed to serve him, though mine should not be of them — which God forbid. He can of stones raise up children unto Abraham.
1698. January 5. I went to dear Broad Oak. I found dear sister Tylston there. She and I are all that are left of four. — A joyful, sorrowful meeting. Oh that I could look above and beyond all the things of sense and time, and have my thoughts surely fixed, where alone true and substantial joys are to be found.
Sabbath. January 9. Brother preached at Broad Oak, from Colossians iv. 12. ‘That ye may stand perfect and complete in all the will of God.’ The words seem to imply Sincerity — Strength of grace — Steadiness and perseverance in grace. He gave the following directions.
Have respect to all God’s commandments. Psalm cxix. 6.
Hate every false way. Psalm cxix. 38.
Put on the whole armour of God. Eph. vi. 11, 13.
Abound always in the work of the Lord. 1 Cor. ii. last.
Do all to ihc glory of God. 1 Cor. x. 31.
Watch in all things. 2 Tim. iv. 5.
Press on toward perfection. Philip, iii. 13, 14.
Whatever you do in word or deed, do all in the name of the Lord Jesus.
We had, likewise, this day a sacrament opportunity. May I not say as the Psalmist, — ‘Thou anointest my head with oil, my cup runneth over!’ I have afresh renewed my covenant with God, professed my faith in a crucified Christ, and hope of salvation only by him. None but Christ. None but Christ. The great things which I want, and he has promised them, are — Remission of sins, and the gift of the Holy Ghost.
Wednesday, June 13th. Dear brother preached our lecture on Zcch. xii. 10. ‘They shall look on him whom they have pierced, and mourn.’ Have I had such a sight of him, as to cause me to mourn after a godly sort? Truly, sometimes, I fear lest I have been %vanting herein, having not lain so low as I should in deep humiliation. He exhorted those that do not truly mourn for sin, to look on the torments of hell, and dread them; and to look on the sorrows of the Redeemer and the penitent sinner, and imitate them. Those who do truly mourn, he exhorted to continue, mourning. Every day brings fresh cause. And to comfort themselves from it, considering — That while they are looking on Christ with an eye of sorrow, he is looking at them with an eye of grace and mercy. That sin that thus troubles them shall never hurt them. That the time is coming when even these tears shall be done away. Sorrow for sin shall cease in heaven. All tears shall be wiped away. He concluded with Psalm cxxvi. last. ‘They that sow in tears shall reap with joy.’ Blessed be God for this good word. Do us all good by it.
Sabbath, July 3d. I went to Wrenbury, both morning and afternoon. Mr. Garnet preached well, from Psalm lxiii. 1. ‘O God, thou art my God, early will I seek thee.’ How earnestly doth the divine Psalmist breathe after God in this wilderness state! How comfortable is it to have an interest in God when trouble comes! — to be able to say, as David, ‘Although my house be not so with God, yet hath he made with me an everlasting covenant, ordered in all things and sure.’ I find it is my great fault to be too solicitous for my house, especially my dear children. But why should I be so when God is mine?
All good things are mine, whether for the life that now is, or that which is to come.
I must not omit this remark to-day. Being at our church in a pretty full assembly, and observing the universal bowing of all about me at the name of Jesus in the Creed, I had this thought — Why do I not do as the rest? Is it because I do not honour him, and his name, as well as they do? Surely I have as much cause, to whom so much is forgiven. If I thought he did require that outward ceremony, or had commanded it, I should not be W’anting in it, though it were a thousand times more. But I have been taught that he requires the heart more than the knee, and I desire heartily to subscribe to his government, to own him as King in his church, and my King. Does that evangelical prophet say — * the government shall be on his shoulders V I say — Amen. It shall.
Let it be so, O Lord, and let all the people of the earth be thy willing subjects. — As to thi.s ceremony, I cannot see reason for bowing at the name Jesus in the Creed only, and not at other times when he is named. Besides, I have heard it said, by those who understand the original, that it is not “At,” but — “In” the name of Jesus every knee shall bow, of things in heaven, and things in earth, and things under tlic earth. But I will not judge those that practise it. If we can each approve ourselves to God, it is enough. Indeed, it is well that we are not to be each other’s judges.
October 10. Monday evening. My dear brother Ilenry and sister Tylston came to us; truly welcome, though not then expected. Blessed be God, whose good providence has brought so many of us together of the remnant that is left in the land of the living, though we cannot but sensibly remember those who are taken from us. This night brother expounded 2 Cor. v. — That which I chiefly observe is from verse 6. We should not be at home in the body, but rather, as strangers, and as in oiu” inn. Next day he preached from Hag. i. 9. ‘Ye looked for much, and lo, it came to little.’ — We are often frustrated in our expectations. I wish I could learn from hence to lean less on creatures. Inquiring in the close — Wherefore is it that God does, oftentimes, thus disappoint and frustrate our hopes as to our worldly affairs — he observed, that it may be, there is a want of a true principle of grace in the heart — that perhaps secret, or family duty is neglected, or carelessly performed. If so, no wonder God crosses you in your aflairs. — He asked, Do you give God his due in works of piety and charity? Are you concerned for the name, and interest of Christ abroad in the world 1 Do you not let his house ’ lie waste’ in this sense 1 Help me, O Lord, to examine myself, and to look at my face in this glass. — Though, at present, our aflairs are so smooth, and harvest completed, yet if God should turn his hand, and blow upon what we have, how soon will it be otherwise! I desire to stand perfect, and complete, in all the will of God.
Thursday, 21st Dec. We had a lecture. Mr. Lawrence preached from Matt. xix. 21. * Thou shalt have treasure in heaven.’ He had this remark, which I would beg of God to write upon my heart — If our treasure be on earth, we are going from it — if in heaven, we are going to it. O that mine may be in heaven!
1G99. Monday, July 15th. I went to Nantwich. Dear brother preached excellently from Johnxvii. 16. ‘They are not of this world, even as I am not.’ Doctrine, That as Christ was not, so true Christians are not, of this world. He gave eight useful directions in the close: Let not the wisdom of the world be your guide. — Let not the w-ay of the world be your rule. — Let not the wealth of the world be your chief good. — Let not the cares of the world encumber you. — Let not the comforts of the world entangle you. — Let not the crosses of the world disquiet you. — Be not too fond of life. — Be not too fearful of death.
I heartily bless God for this good word, and will endeavour, by his grace, to be made better by it.
Sabbath, Aug. 6th. How fast, methinks, time passes. Now the sun is beginning to go from us; and as fast eternity hastens. Death will shortly put an end to my sabbaths and sabbath opportunities. O my soul, up and be doing. Give all diligence about thy great work while doing time lasts. This sabbath I spent at home. The weather wet, and I unwell. I read this morning Rosea xii. I find Ephraim reproved for feeding on wind. Do I not the same when filled with vanity, as I am too much when I have, or might have, better? A sweet promise, verse 9, of restoring ordinances, and opportunities for our souls’ good. I observe that it is here mentioned as an aggravation of the sin of that people that they were the seed of godly-Jacob — a praying man. I would remember this.
1700. Sabbath. Feb. 4th. I was at Nantwich in the afternoon. Mr. Lawrence preached a funeral sermon for my aunt Burroughs, from Acts xxvi. 8. ‘Why should it be thought a thing incredible that God should raise the dead V The resurrection of the body is one great article of our Christian faith, which I find is more easy to prove, than improve. Should I not glorify him with my body, seeing he hath prepared so much glory for it? Lord, I offer it to thee a living sacrifice, and it is but reasonable service. The return of the season brings to mind the mercy of God to me last year, about this time, in supporting and strengthening me when confined to my chamber and bed. He was pleased to make it, and to make it easy. Blessed be his name for the honey which I found on that rod. But, alas! the sense of the affliction, and the mercy which attended it, soon wear off. Wo is me! that neither the north wind nor south wind have their kindly effect on me.
Hard is my heart, Lord, to my grief I feel. Be thou the loadstone, let me be the steeL
Sabbath. March 19th. Methinks I should be learning; to endure hardness like a cood soldier of Jesus Christ, The cause is good — the captain gracious — the combat short — the conquest sure — the crown glorious. I daily find the combating between grace and corruption. First one prevails, then another. Oh how should I crroan and lonir for the rest on the other side Jordan. When shall I come and appear before God?
July 6th. At Broad Oak. Had comfort in the society of my dear mother, especially when we prayed together in that which was, once, my dear father’s closet, and which he, so solemnly, dedicated to the service of God.
Next day Mr. Benion preached; his text — ‘Let a man examine himself, and so let him eat;’ a duty I have been greatly wanting in, and in which I cannot fix my vain heart. When I think I have a heart I want time; when I have time I want a heart, so that this exercise is greatly neglected. Yet I cannot but say I find a settled principle which inclines me to seek and love God. — As holy Mr. Corbet expresses it — ‘I had rather have a heart to love him perfectly, than have all the wealth in the world.’ I had an oppor-MEMOIFwS OF MRS. SAVAGE. 201
tunily to renew my covenant at the table of the Lord. ‘Behold what manner of love is tills, that we should be called the sons of God.’ I deserve rather to be among the dogs or swine, than to partake of children’s bread. Yet it is thy rich bounty thus to treat me. * Bless the Lord, O my soul.’ Receive Christ and all salvation in him, and with him. Lord, I do. My Lord, and my God. I was drowsy before, but not after the ordinance. I discover much corruption by being no more sensible of this great love.
Mr. Nevet (a son of old Mr. Rowland Nevet, a nonconformist and dear friend of my father’s) preached in the afternoon. His text, Psalm cxix. 104. ‘Through thy precepts I get understanding; therefore I hate every false way.’ An excellent, plain sermon. One mark of a true hatred of sin was — when we hate it most in ourselves. This I think I do.
1701. INlay 13th. I was safely delivered of a daughter — my eighth child. Means were ready, and my good God much more so. He was a present help, according as we have often prayed. ‘I love the Lord because he hath heard my voice, and my supplications. Because he hath inclined his ear unto me, therefore will I call upon him as long as I live.’ I will love prayer, and practise it more.
Through mercy I soon recruit my strength. The Lord is my strength, and he shall be my song. How much am I indebted! Not a mother only, but a nursing mother. Comfortable nights. Sleep — God’s physic.
Tuesday, being the eighth day (as of old the ordinance of circumcision was attended to). May 20th, brother Henry and sister came to us. We invited our neighbours, and some relations, to the enrolling of the dear little one. After we had professed our faith in Christ, and purposes, and desires of obedience to him, the infant was solemnly received into the visible church of Christ. Named Hannah, especially from Samuel’s mother. Lord Jesus, gather it into thine arms. Let it be among the lambs of thy flock, whereof thou thyself art the great and good shepherd. Hear the prayers of the day for parents and children; and, as thou art pleased to add to our numbers, add daily unto our graces. One hint brother had this day which was very seasonable: ‘The birth of children should remind us of our departure hence. They come on the stage, as it were to thrust
US off; and shortly we must give way to them, as others, who went before, did to us.’ Oh that the consideration hereof might help to loosen me from all these comforts. What have I here? This is not my rest.
I must also remark the mercy of God to the country in the weather this month. We have had seasonable and refreshing rain, so that the earth yields her increase. Let God, even our own God, give us his blessing.
Monday, July 7th. Dear brother preached our lecture from Job xv. 1 1. * Are the consolations of God small with thee V They are not small in themselves, nor should they be so to us. Is it a small thing to have an interest in God as our Father? In Christ and his purchase? Is it a small thing to have the throne of grace open ‘? to be sealed with the Holy Spirit of promise 1 to have a title to the heavenly glory? Are these small things? By no means. Then, O my soul, up and be doing. Mind most these great things. Lord, let my actions discover what it is that I most value — earth or heaven.
1702. February 22d. I am yet spared, through divine patience; a wonder of mercy that such a barren, worthless tree should yet have a place in the vineyard. One sabbath more put as a price in my hand to get wisdom. Blessed be God, who waits to be gracious. I heard Mr. Edgly in the afternoon, from Isaiah i. 10, 17. ‘Wash ye, make you clean; put away the evil of your doings from before mine eyes; cease to do evil; learn to do well; seek judgment, relieve the oppressed, judge the fatherless, plead for the widow.’ O Lord, I am greatly polluted. Do thou wash me — not my feet only, but my hands and my head; and, above all, my heart. I am sensible if thou wash me not, I have no part with thee. O Lord, thou God of peace, sanctify me wholly — soul, body, and spirit. The more I am acquainted with myself, the more need I see I have of this washing. My dear father desired that repentance might accompany him even to heaven’s gate. Much more may I.
Sabbath. March 1. How happy were it for me, if a sabbath frame of heart did but return with the blessed day. How amiable are thy tabernacles, O Lord. My soul thirsteth for God, even for the living God. In many congregations in England, I think most, this is a sacrament day — a covenanting day. I have earnestly desired my God to fill his ordinances with abundance of his Spirit and blessing, without which they arc dry, empty, and barren.
April 8. Wednesday. Brother Henry came to Broad Oak. He preached the lecture from Isaiah xl. 31. ‘They that wait upon the Lord shall renew their strength.’ — Those that are constant to God in ways of duty, shall find him constant to them in ways of mercy. Many good lessons were taught us to-day. At death the soul shall mount, not on eagles”, but on angels’, wings. At the resurrection the body shall mount up to meet the Lord in the air. But he gave us this caution, which was very seasonable — See that you are sanctified, and renewed now, or else there will be no mounting up then. An earthly, sensual heart will sink rather than soar.
Wednesday, May 13. This evening old
JNIrs. M, of Wrenbury, was buried. Mr.
Garnett’s text was chosen by the relations, she having had it read to her the day she died. Psalm cxix. 128. ‘I esteem all thy precepts concerning all things to be right, and I hate every false way.’ This, said she, hath been my practice for many years, and she caused it to be read again. I heartily desire to fall under this character. Lord, grant that I may, and, so far as I am able to judge of myself, I do, esteem all thy precepts concerning all things to be right. * The law is holy, and the commandment holy, just, and good.’ As David, in the 47th verse of this Psalm — ‘I will delight myself in thy commandments, WHICH I HAVE LOVED.’ In the
next verse he repeats it — ’ which I have loved.’ — Though I cannot say, which I have kept, I hope I can say, which I have loved. I hate every false way. I hate sin more in professors than in others — more in my own house than in others — and most of all, in my own heart — which makes me pray, ‘O Lord, wash my heart from wickedness.’
1703. January 4. I had desires towards God, that I might sanctify this holy day, but alas! present things do greatly deaden and hinder. I read an excellent sermon of my dear father’s, whose memory is very sweet, on those words — ‘I am the way’ — namely, to the Father: The way to acquaintance with him, access to him, acceptance with him. The way of atonement — adoption — accomplishment of promises — admission into his heavenly kingdom. Lord Jesus, be thou my way; and seeing I receive thee as such, help mc to walk in thee.
Tuesday, March 9th. Brother Henry preached at our house from Matt, v. 4. — ‘Blessed are they that mourn.’ — Gracious mourners are blessed, and shall be comforted. I bless God who hath given mc any thing of a serious spirit, though my natural temper inclines me to the contrary. His wisdom has cast my lot where I have not those temptations to levity and diversion which some have, for which I humbly bless and praise him. Lord, make me more and more serious. There is great reason. God is serious above us. Devils are so in tempting. The blessed angels are serious in their work. And shall we, of all the creation, be light and vain? Gracious mourning is seen in habitual seriousness — and in actual mourning on a spiritual account. Lord, make me one of thy mourners. Such are blessed. For they are like Christ. Their sins are pardoned. They are freed from many sins which vain mirth exposes to.
May 23. Sabbath. I was at Wrenbury, morning and afternoon. I was somewhat aflbcted with that expression in the Common Prayer — ‘Almighty God, unto whom all hearts are open, all desires known.’ I have sometimes good desires which prove abortive, for want of endeavours accordingly, Mr. Garnctt’s subject was, Gal. v. 25. * If we live in the Spirit let us also walk in the Spirit.’ Oh it is this heavenly walking which is the life of religion. Without this, I am but as sounding brass. It is my great grief that I do not more manifest a real work of grace by a suitable conversation. We had public notice given of a general fast next Wednesday. Lord, help me to humble my soul. But, alas! how hard do I find it to sanctify a fast. It is little that I can, and less I do. To rest from common labour is easy, but to devote and dedicate that rest to God is not so easy.
Sabbath. October 10th. Our minister preached a good sermon against swearing — ‘Swear not at all.’ It is a shame it should be such a reigning sin in a land of such light and knowledge, that the blessed name of God must be rent and torn by debauched wretches, to fill up the vacancies of their idle chat. Lord, forgive me, that I do not, as I should, mourn over this crying sin of the land. It is a great mercy to be out of the hearing of it, as I am, especially to be delivered from such sad pollutions myself, for I have that in my heart which would incline it to all sin, if my God should let me loose to the power of mine own corruptions.
October 17th. I was at home all day. I called to mind some discourse I had with my dear mother lately. She said she had this from an excellent minister — That we must make it our business to search out the sin which we were most exposed to, and to strive, and pray, and watch against that, or else we do nothing in religion. Lord, help me here; that which my own conscience accuses me to be the sin that most easily besets me is too much love of, and too many cares for, my children. Lord, turn it into the right channel — into care and concern for their precious souls. Methinks, as my dear father’s grandchildren increase, and grow up, I cannot but have many fears lest any of them should go out of God’s way, and be a reproach to the holy profession which we have made. The Lord, in mercy, prevent.
1704. Feb. 27th. A comfortable opportunity at Nantwich; having long been fasting from the Sacrament of the Lord’s Supper. I had some spiritual hungerings. Oh that my poor soul may be emptied of self, and filled with Christ; emptied of earth and filled with heaven. The su])jcct was, Rom. xv. 4. ‘That we, through patience and comfort of tlic Scriptures, may have hope.’ Many things are revealed to us in the Scriptures which are great matters of comfort to us. There is a glorious happiness in the oiher world, and a way open to it, through Christ, for fallen man. He is himself the way. We may know that we are in this way. I bless God for his revealed will. Mr. Lawrence told us to-day that there is no true peace or satisfaction to be found in this world, but that which arises from the testimony of a good conscience. Speaking of the providence of God towards his people, he had this expression — ‘The father of a family takes care of the meanest servant he has, nay the meanest beast; but he has not the same degree of care and love for them which he has for his children. So it is with our heavenly Father.’ I have this day afresh bound myself to my God in a perpetual covenant. Oh that T may not henceforth walk as other Gentiles w’alk.
March 26th. I was affected with hearing this passage, which I remark, because it may affect some when I am in the dust. When some considerable gentlemen of the society (at Nantwich) were gone in together one
Lord’s day evening, and were talking of something unsuitable to the day, poor Betty Parsons, a good old disciple, overhearing them, said — ‘Sirs, you are making work for repentance.’ This short and seasonable rebuke damped them much, and turned the stream of their discourse into a better channel. So true is that saying of the wise man — ‘A word spoken in season, how good is it!’
July 10th. My dear mother sent for me to Broad Oak to meet my dear brother Henry, who preached the lecture that day from Sol. Song, i. 4. ‘We will remember thy love more than wine.’ Holy souls take abundance of pleasure in remembering the love of the holy Jesus. I desire to remember the contrivances, the condescensions, the costliness of his love: but the constancy and continuance of it, especially, affected me. That we who live, as it were in the old age of the world, so many hundred years after his incarnation, should still receive the sweet, and fresh effects of it.
Oct. 29th. My dear brother has lately printed a discourse concerning the Lord’s Supper, wherein I find svicetness. I desire to look beyond instruments — for who is Paul, and who isApoUos? Yet I bless God from my heart for them. This expression aflectcd me
—‘The father of the family loves not to have any of the children absent at meal time!’ Lord, grant that this spiritual food may nourish, and refresh, my soul.
1705. June 24th. I cannot but remark the providence of this day nine years, in the surprising death of my dear and tender father, who served his generation faithfully, and naturally cared for souls. He was removed to heaven in the midst of usefulness. Oh that I may still retain the good things he taught me, and follow him who followed peace and holiness. I cannot but sometimes remember that habitual weariness which he complained of, because I many times find it so with myself, especially when the days are long, and the seasons hot. This day I was somewhat refreshed in mind as to this — that my dear Lord Jesus submitted to the same. He was ’ wearied with his journey,’ John iv. 6.; and if so, he knows my frame. Surely, ’ he bare our griefs.’
Sabbath. July 1. How svi’iflly does time hasten away! Now six of the twelve months of this year are gone. We are beginning the other six. What may be before the end God only knows. Blessed be God for any hope of a happy eternity. I would fain be conversing more familiarly with death. — Oh blessed, blessed for ever, be my God, for any light in my understanding, and warmth in my aflections. It is the grace of God that distinguishes me from the vilest.
September 30th. I was at Nantwich, having not had a sacramental opportunity for several months. Blessed be God for any hungerings. It is the same that opens my mouth that fills it. He shall have the glory of all. I have had comfort in avouching the Lord this day to be my God. O this precious, precious blood, this sealing blood. Shall I ever esteem it as a common thing? God forbid. The exhortation was — ‘The stone which the builders refused is become the head-stone of the corner.’ God hath set him for a foundation. Blessed are all they that build upon him. Lord, I desire to build the hopes of my salvation on this rock — * other foundation can no man lay.’ This alone is enough.
October 29th. In reading, in course, Ezekiel xxii. I find, when God, by the prophet, is judging that people, and enumerating their manifold sins, he twice mentions Sabbath provocations, verses 8, 26 — as if those sins, above others, were of a crimson dye.
On Wednesday I went to see my dear mother. I found her as to her outward man, weak and feeble, but strong in the graces of Christ Jesus: the inward man renewed day by day. She abounds in humility, meekness, and contempt of the world, and the sight of her excellent carriage does very much confirm me in the substantials of religion — that God will enable those that are his to persevere to the end of their race, and will be with them in the end, preserving them to his heavenly kingdom. O that I may, by her example, do as those Christians in the primitive times — ‘Thank God and take courage.’
December 29th. I became the mother of a dead son. My God was to me a present help, as he has been many times in like circumstances. I adore his wisdom in choosing this rod to beat me with; he is righteous, nay, gracious. I would be thankful that he has spared me. ‘Why died I not from the womb V Job iii. 11. The hope of the hypocrite is compared to an untimely birth: God grant that my hope may not be such, but be built on Christ — the rock of ages. The infant was buried at Wrenbury, by the other dear little ones. The fourth of mine that lies here. Oh what a reign has death even over those who have not sinned after the similitude of Adam’s transgression!
I could not but be affected with a passage in a divine hymn of Mr. Baxter’s, somewhat appUcable to my case:
‘In saddest thoughts and grief.
In trouble, fear, and pain,
I cried for his relief,
And did not cry in vain:
He heard with speed,
And still I found
Mercy abound
In time of need.’
Blessed be God for the good Spirit, who is my remembrancer.
A remarkable event I cannot but remark.
Lately, a Mr. L, formerly living in this
parish, but now in Malpas parish, buried a daughter aged sixteen or seventeen years, at which the mother, being a passionate mourner, said, She had rather have buried her husband, and two or three more of her children. And now, this week, it has pleased God to take away another daughter. There has been but a fortnight and two days between the two funerals. See how sad and provoking a thing it is to murmur against the Majesty of heaven. He does whatsoever he pleases, and why should our folly prescribe to his wisdom?
A third daughter has hardly escaped the distemper. She was reported to be dead.
1706. Saturday morning, March 9th. — I read, in course, Joel iii. I thought it was very refreshing in the midst of that great wrath which was threatened against the church’s enemies — so that blood should flow as out of a wine press — that ‘The Lord w ill be the hope of his people, and the strength of the children of Israel.’ v. 16. All sincere Christians are the true Gospel Israel, and God will be their strength and hope in the worst of times. This promise reminds me of a passage of Zuinglius, who, when flashing the terrors of the law in the very face of impenitent sinners, would say — ‘Good Christian, stand aside, for this is not thy portion.’ How comfortable is it to say — By the grace of God this wrath belongs not to me. It is the Lord Jesus Christ alone who delivers from the wrath to come.
Sabbath. July 14th. I was all day at home; spent some time, in the afternoon, in reviewing my Diary, written nearly twenty years ago. I find sweetness in the reflection that I had then, often, communion with God in secret prayer and meditation. I remember the love and kindness of God to me then. I am afTectcd with what my dear mother said to me at leaving dear Broad Oak: when I urged my unfitness for my new state, she replied — ’ you will now find exercise for those graces, which, hitherto, you have not exercised.’ And I cannot but own now, after nineteen years, how kind and good my heavenly Father has been to me here, in placing me in these comfortable relations, so that here is no want of any good thing — but more grace.
November 30. Saturday. This week we received Brother Henry’s new Annotations on the five books of Moses. Lord, bless all helps, and crown all pious endeavours with thy blessing.
1707. January 1. One year passes, and another comes, so my time insensibly slides away. And what have I done in this year that is past, for my God, or for my soul and eternity 1 I desire to renew my resolution of closer walking for the future. It may be this may be the year of my death. I bless God that the thoughts of it are not so terrible as, sometimes, they have been. As I grow into years I see still more and more of the emptiness of all things here below.
October 9th. I was a little discomposed on the account of our worldly concerns; things not succeeding as I expected, I was ready to be all in a flame. My spirit was more ruffled than it had been a long time. But behold how my wise heavenly Father deals with me. We read in course, in the family, as soon as I was up, part of Psalm cxix. and that verse, ‘The law of thy mouth is better to me than thousands of gold and silver.’ It was so to David. It should be so, it shall be so, to me. I will endeavour not to repine at any event, since I have thy good word to be my guide, companion, and counsellor.
Saturday. I went in the evening to Nantwich, in order to spend the Sabbath there, it being our monthly opportunity for the Lord’s Supper; and a comfortable season we had. I trust I do get ground of my corruptions, though slowly, and one good evidence is, that I am glad when I hear ministers on searching subjects, as Mr. Lawrence was, 2 Tim. iii. .5. ‘Having a form of godHness but denying the power.’ I have reason to fear this is the character of very many among ourselves. He had many excellent things, and in the close, these which I desire to remember — The more of the power of godliness, the more comfort. That the form without the power will bring none to heaven. Lord, grant that I may get good by this awakening word. A form of religion I have, and ought to have. I need not be ashamed of my Master. But if I have no more than the form, I am miserable. One character of such he told us, is — that they rest in outside performances, which, I hope, I do not- — Alas! what are these but the shell and leaves? The fruit and kernel are what I thirst after — that I may find him whom my soul loveth. Through mercy I was not at all drowsy in this day’s work. I returned home safely, but dull and unfit for closing duties. Next morning, my body though sown in weakness, was raised in power. Blessed be God for sleep, health, food, and all other my common mercies; the want of any one of which, would make my life uncomfortable. Especially, and above all, I bless God for spirituals — the Lord Jesus Christ (who is my hope), and all the benefits I enjoy in, and by, him; particularly, for the good helps for my soul.
Whilst means in plenty I enjoy,
Let not my soul be parched, and dry.
I was much refreshed, this week, by reading in brother Henry’s book on the Lord’s Supper. The benefits to be receiv-ed by that sweet ordinance are — Pardon of sin — the privilege of adoption — Inward joy and peace — the strenixthcninfT and increasinfj; of i’race — the earnest of the eternal inheritance. God be praised for this good word. Let it comfort and quicken me.
1722. February 27th. This day twelve months my dear Philip took leave of our world. It was a time to bring to remembrance. The wormwood and the gall of that providence my soul hath still in remembrance. I purposed to sanctify it as a fast, but I was forced to be employed in household concerns, by things unforeseen. I find it much easier to fast, than to pray and sanctify the fast, as I should. I would learn more humility, meekness, weanedness from all creature comforts. Mr. Yawdry had an excellent subject on sabbath-day — ‘The love of Christ constraineth us.’ Surely it should constrain me to a patient, quiet, meek frame under his afllicting hand — and to be sowing, even in tears. This week we lost two young cows. Many years we have had no such loss. The Lord gave, and, when he pleases, he takes away.
March 28th. Reading, in course, John xx.
20, concerning Christ’s appearance to his disciples, I was i)leased with a sweet remark in the Annotations. ‘See the condescension of our Lord Jesus. The gates of heaven were ready to be opened to him, where he might have been in the midst of the adoration of a world of angels; yet, for the benefit of his church, he lingered on earth, and visited the little private meetings of his poor disciples — stood in the midst of them, with — Peace be to you.’ What encouragement is this to us now, since no length of time can, in the least, abate his love and tenderness. Having loved his own, he loved them to the end.
This week I was much affected to hear a poor old woman of our society complain of decays, especially of drowsiness in God’s worship. ‘I go,’ said she, * in pain and weakness, yet if I could be lively, and in a good frame when I come there, how I should be comforted.’ I often fear the same of myself Lord, pity, and help under such decays, and let me be more busy now, and endeavour to lay up something in store against such an evil day.
July 29th. I find among my old papers a good remark on Psalm civ. 2S. ‘That thou givest them they gather;’ though it was spoken of brute creatures, yet it is applicable to us. What God gives I should gather, whether abroad or at home; in the congregation or closet; in preaching or reading. What thou givest, O Lord, help me to gather. I gathered out of a good book, the great duty of meditation. I endeavoured a little with this naughty, earthly heart, but I brought little to perfection.
In reading over my old papers, especially some of good Mr. Lawrence’s sermons long ago at Nantwich, I find things that please and edify me. Treating of the love of God, excellently from that scripture — * The Lord direct your hearts into the love of God,’ he says — ‘There is great reason to fear we have but little of the true love of God, few delightful thoughts of him, few careful thoughts to please him. How little is there bestowed upon God, and on his service. — Most of us love a cheap religion. Many times one lust is more chargeable to a man than all his religion.’
October 7th. Sabbath. I kept home all day. I employed my spare hours in reading some collections out of Mr. Baxter’s book concerning being crucified to the world. Very excellent things, and suitable to me
We converse so much with it, that we arc in danger of being swallowed up of it, — like poor Korah, and his rebellious company. Lord, keep us from being over fond of it. I find in the fore-cited collection this passage, which pleased me. Speaking of the excellence of being crucified to the world — ‘It is,’ saith he, the very honesty, chastity, and justice of the soul — our fidelity to God in keeping the covenant made with him — thus giving God the creature and your hearts, when covetous worldlings unjustly rob him of both.’ Lord, keep, keep, and help me to keep myself, unspotted from this vain, evil, sinful world. Though the world should not, must not, be made a rest or bed for the soul, yet it is convenient to travel in — as a way to a better country. Lord, give me wisdom and grace to use what thou givest me for thy glory, as a good steward that must give an account, and knows not how soon.
1723. Wednesday. February 27. Dear Philip’s dying day. Two years. Mrs. Ann Clive here — mingles tears with us. We sung together Watts’s hymn on Rev. xiv. 13. — Concerning all the pious dead,
‘Sweet is the savour of their names.’
I rejoice in hope of the glory of God. This week I read in dear Mrs. Hunt’s papers what afiectcd me — viz.: — ‘The true love of God is to be the spring of our duties.’ — When I retire to my closet, I would reflect — Is it the true love of God that brings me hither? Or, is it not obedience to my natural conscience — that dares not omit such a known duty 1 I hope the former.
Sabbath. April 14. I keep home as usual. Did something for my soul, but too little. I prayed sincerely for those who go abroad for help for their souls, while poor I sojourn in Mesech and Kedar. This day not well. What dear rent does the soul pay for this earthly tabernacle! Seldom that I would do good, and then, how to perform I find not. This should make me long for the everlasting Sabbath. Then, no indisposition. Nothing to clog or hinder the full enjoyment of God to eternity. Hallelujah! This day, looking over some old papers I found this remark, which pleased me: ‘There is a sweet sympathy between a regenerate heart, and a precious truth.’ Afterward — ’ ‘Tis only saints in heaven who may be said to keep holy-day.’ Another: ‘Many would weep and lament if they knew they had not a month to live, who now laush and rejoice, though they know not they shall live a day.’
June 27th. Thursday night, about nine o’clock, dear Betty Keay (my grand-daughter) resigned her spirit with little seeming extremity (small-pox). A holy, sweet, dutiful, humble child. Gone to a better world. She had made a great progress in religion, beyond what we could have expected. Many excellent things dropped from her in sickness; such as ‘When I have formerly read of that martyr in flames, who said he felt no more pain than if on a bed of roses, I knew not then what he meant — but I bless God now I know, and am so swallowed up of joy as not to regard my outward pains.’ When recovering from a fainting fit, she would say — * Thy rod and staff support me.’ So one by her spoke of the bright world — to which, she soon added, ’ to which I go, I hope.’ The Saturday after, we laid up the dear remains in Hanmer churchyard, by her own dear father, in hope of a joyful resurrection. Oh! what an awful day will that be, when the last trump shall call all the dead — and the dead in Christ shall rise first — and she among them. I bless God, several things alleviate my grief for this stroke.
Short was her life, the longer is her rest
God takes them soonest whom he loveih beat.
One good lesson, methinks I have learned by this gu-j’s piety — the power of divine grace, notwithstanding little other helps. If he will work, who can let or hinder? Surely it is a great confirmation to me of the truth of the Christian religion. I have sometimes been grieved to think of their loss of their dear father, but with God the fatherless fnideth mercy. When her mother said — * Thou art going to thy dear father,’ she replied — ‘I am going to my dear Jesus.’ Oh! the inestimable worth of an interest in him at such a time.
Sabbath. November 20. In the afternoon I was at home alone. I read some of an excellent sermon by Mr. Watts, entitled ‘The Hidden Life of a Christian,’ which he, indeed, describes so that one may discern he lived that sweet, excellent life. What is there in a poor saint here, he asks, that discovers what he shall be hereafter? Those holy martyrs and confessors described Ileb. xi. in their sheepskins and goat-skins — wandering in deserts — hidden in dens and caves — what was there in these poor, miserable spectacles, that looks like a saint in glory? ‘It doth not yet appear what we shall be.’ Then shall it be made known to the world — these were the men that wept and prayed in secret — that sought the face of God in their private chambers. They are now made more than conquerors through Him that loved them. The poor trembling Christian, who lived this hidden and divine life, watering this hidden seed of grace with so many secret tears, shall now reap a rich and orlorious harvest. He shall doubtless come again with rejoicing. Light is sown for the righteous.
The seeds of joy and glory, sown
For saints in darkness here, Shall rise and spring in worlds unknown,
And a rich harvest bear.
Surely the very thought of this should quicken and encourage me.
1724. Sabbath. May 10th. We had a full family, about eighteen in all. My daughter Holland went with the young ones to Nantwich. She left me her last to take care of. I had comfort in her society, and was much affected with God’s goodness to mine in things pertaining to this life. She told me of an excellent petition of Dr. Bates, which he often used — that we might have a tolerable passage through the world, and a comfortable passage out of it. It was eminently granted to him. He died without any previous sickness, laid down on his bed, saying he was not very well — only his own children were about him — they knew not when he expired. No doubt the blessed angels were ready to do their oOice, and convey the precious soul to Abraham’s bosom.
When I saw them set out to-day to Nantwich, I applied to myself that of the prophet Elisha to his servant — ‘Went not my heart with thee V I should much rejoica in joining with those societies. My soul needs the best helps. Wo is me, I sojourn in Mesech. I comfort myself that Christ knows our works, and where we dwell — what temptations, what discouragements.
July 26. I read parts of a sermon in the Morning Exercises. That which most affects me, is that of excellent Mr. Steel, concerning the Memory, which is, certainly, a noble faculty. ‘It should not be like a child’s pocket, filled with trash, but like the ark of the testimony, in which the tables of the law were laid up.’ How prone am I to remember what I should forget, and to forget what I should remember. Mr. Steel, in this sermon, brings in eight particular things which we should remember — Our Creator — The love of our Redeemer — The doctrines of our religion — The duties of Christianity — Our sins — Our vows and obligations made to God — The church of God, the mystical body — Our latter end. Lord, write on my heart these good lessons.
November 15th. I am all day at home. I should spend more of this holy day in joy and praise. There is matter enough. O what a pleasant work it is! I should begin my heaven now. I read some old papers of my dear Philip, written at Boreatton. The strict watch he kept over himself, and his own heart, comforts and shames me. He had but little working time, and was busy. He was soon taken to his reward. One evening this week, I was refreshed in reading, in the family, * When the poor and needy seek water, and there is none, and their tongue faileth for thirst, I the Lord will hear them, I the God of Israel will not forsake them. I will open springs.’ Like that sweet scripture — ‘He filleth the hungry with good things.’ Meditation on this did me good afterwards. I set my poor seal to this truth. My dear God has opened springs for me in this dry and barren wilderness. I have great encouragement to pray and thirst. The Lord’s arm is not shortened. I would be daily inquiring — What lack I yet? I was told by one that lately heard our excellent Mr. Watts, at Berry-street, in London — that he thus closed a sacrament there: * Now, Christians, Arise, shine.’ Surely this is what the Lord my God requires of me. I should shine — in a holy conversation. These good remarks, that sometimes come strangely to me, perhaps through many hands, yet are spiritual food, and help to nourish and comfort my poor, lean soul. Blessed be God. If I should always return thanks for corporal food, which only nourishes a dying body, surely much more for this spiritual nourishment. Our dear Mr. Lawrence had long ago this observation from that scripture — ‘Wherefore do you spend your money for that which is not bread?” Whenever we meet with any thing that does our souls good, though but in discourse, that is bread.’
1725. Sabbath, Sept. 20. I pleaded with God in my closet that I come in a good day. A remarkable day. A day in which he uses to own and bless his people. This morning I was affected with dear Mrs. Hunt’s definition of secret prayer: ‘It is the familiar entertaining of ourselves with God about the inward
State of our souls, to which we arc emboldened by the merits of Jesus Chi’ist.’ This I have remarked before, and it is worthy of double observation. Further, reading in those excellent papers I find this remark: Thursday, February 21, 1095. She went to her grandmother’s (an old disciple of great worth,) where she had appointed a private day of prayer for herself, children and ianiily. There were four excellent ministers, Mr. Howe, Mr. Shower, Mr. Reynolds and Dr. Annesley. They all prayed. Mr. Howe only preached on that sweet scripture. Psalm xlii. 8. — ‘The God of my life.” There was,’ she says, ‘such a double portion of God’s Spirit poured out on all present, both ministers and people, that they said they never experienced the like. As for me,’ she writes, ‘I was not troubled with one unruly thought all the while, but I was as if I had been in heaven — composed and serious. The hours seemed but as minutes. I then thought surely religion is the greatest reality in the world, else it could not produce such real and strong eftects.’ O that my soul may be gathered to that sweet, and general assembly both of ministers and Christians, where so many now are who so experienced the powers of the world to come. My greatest grief and trouble is the want of a fixed heart. O that I could get and keep a sabbath-frame.
Wednesday morning, October 13. I had some sweet thoughts on an old subject of my dear father’s long ago — * Even Jesus, who delivered us from the wrath to come.’ — There is a wrath to come. Assuredly hell is no bugbear. A remnant are delivered from it. The deliverer is Jesus. Sweet name, as ointment poured forth. This is my beloved, and this is my friend.
1726. February 20. I was affected this morning, when my dear read in the family, Psalm xlii. with that passage where the Psalmist styles God — * the God of my life.’ I desire to own him as such. He is God both of my temporal and spiritual life, and will take care of both. One morning, this week, I reflected seasonably on a passage I have long since been pleased with: A good man thus reasons with himself: * O my soul, when wilt thou be at leisure to meet with thy God?’ We are hindered by a thousand impertinencies that are nothing to the work of a Christian.
November 22. Tuesday morning. I redeemed time early for my closet, and had the comfort of it. I began the book of Deuteronomy with brother’s Annotations. Many excellent things. I remember my dear mother, %vhen the book of Annotations came to her, said she began with Deuteronomy, and gave this reason — ‘I shall not live to read the whole, therefore, I take this which is the summary of the rest.’ Brother observes, that it was spoken in the last month of Moses’ life in the plains of Moab. When he knew he had but a little while to live, he was the more busy. Surely I should be so. I am now in my climacteric year. I should daily apprehend my nearness to eternity, and move more swiftly, since I cannot but see the day approaching.
1727. February 4th. At Whitchurch. I saw a few of my old Christian friends, with whom I have fasted and feasted; but the greater part are gone to the better world, where I hope to meet them, and join in everlasting praises.
I read a sermon of my dear father’s concerning the last judgment. Many things in it very awful; but that which, especially, affected me was this, ‘Things done in the closet shall be proclaimed.’ This should excite me to seriousness. The motto good
Mrs. Bury had written in her closet was — Thou God seest mc. I praise my God that this thought yields me some comfort. My dear and kind heavenly Father sees some secret transactions between him and me, which I trust he will accept only, only for Christ’s sake.
Wednesday evening. March 27th. I should be trimming my lamp, and doing something in preparation for the Lord’s table on Sabbath-day. It troubles me that I have not of late felt those inward meltings of soul as formerly in that ordinance, yet still I would be found as at the pool-side, waiting. I am, sometimes, comforted to think that my delight in closet duty increases, and I trust my heart is more engaged to inward universal holiness.
Thursday morning. Feb. 11,1731. We sung in the family that verse in the 71th Psalm,
‘Then, in the history of my age,
When men review my days,
They’ll read thy love in every page,
In every line thy praise.’
I thought how some that come after me, and read my poor Diary, will read there the love of God to me in every page. ‘Surely goodness and mercy have followed me all my days’ — in the single, married, widow state — through all the changing scenes of life. — Whence I take comfort that he will keep me to finish well.
1732. Nov. 26th. Sabbath-day. Mr. Witton’s * text, Isaiah iii. 10. * Say ye to the righteous, it shall be well with him.’ Blessed be God for these comfortable tidings. I close this day with satisfaction, that it shall be well with me living, dying, and to eternity. The comforts of a dying hour are usually proportioned to the holiness of the past life.”
The commencement of one of Mrs. Savage’s later diaries, furnishes an apt conclusion to the preceding extracts.
“I find when I began my two last books of this kind, one in 1714, the other in 1722, I did not then expect to live to finish them, yet it has pleased God so to lengthen out my frail life that I continue to this day a living monument of sparing mercy. And I am still desirous to persist in this poor account of my-
* The Rev. Richard Witton, M. A., was Mrs. Savage’s son-in law. He was 40 years Minister of the Dissenting Congregation at West Bromwich, and died December 28, 17C5, aet. 82
23G MEMOIRS OF MRS. SAVAGE.
self, hoping it may be useful to some of mine, when I am in the dust, for their quickening, and encouragement in the narrow way. I find in brother’s Annotations on Deut. iii. 22, the following note on the encouragement Moses gave to Joshua: — ‘Those that are aged, and experienced in the service of God, should do all they can to strengthen the hands of those who are young, and but setting out in religion.’ — And since ’tis observed, that what is written remains — I here leave the the testimony of my experience, that Christ’s yoke is easy, and his burden light.
Sarah Savajre.”
The following ‘Select Sentences,’ gleaned from various of Mrs. Savage’s papers, will not be unsuitably preserved in the present memorial.
It is an awful thing for the best saint, who has his accounts most ready, to stand before the Judge of heaven and earth, to receive his final doom. — Mrs. Ilulton.
Serious thoughts of eternal happiness, and eternal misery, will make all our difficulties vanish. — lb.
Whatever takes me off from making the favour of God my chief end, and Christ my only way to it, does but deceive — cannot satisfy — is not bread. — Mr. Lawrence.
We are more apt to fear the death of friends, than the death of religion. — lb.
As secret sins allowed do, in effect, deny God’s omniscience — How doth God know 1 — so secret duties own and approve it. — Jb.
There is need of much wisdom and grace to direct in managing the body — to give it its due and no more — -as to food, raiment, and rest. — lb.
The world has a great many servants and friends, but 1 never knew any praise it at parting. — lb.
While the world is in a bustle about earth, and things below, the believer steals to heaven, and makes little noise. — lb.
We must not admit of any excuse from duty, unless we think it is one that will avail in the great day of judgment. — Mr. Illidge.
What an absurd sight to see a crucified Saviour on the board, and a sleeping Christian in a pew. — Dr. Benion.
To be amended by a little cross, afraid of a little sin, and affected with a little mercy, is a good evidence of grace in the soul. — Mrs. Parsons,
I find that God will not maintain, or encourage, any of his children in sloth, or idleness. When I took more pains with my heart, I was in a better frame. I never took extraordinary pains, but I received extraordinary profit. — Mrs. Hunt.
In keeping up a profession of religion, you meet with difficulties from without. — In keeping up the power, you meet with difficulties from within: — but hold on, and be not discouraged — the ’ pure in heart’ long to see God, and in a little time those longings shall be satisfied. — Matthew Henry.
Those who desire spiritual blessings are blessed in those desires, and shall be filled with those blessings. — lb.
He that gives to God his soul, and serves him with the inner man, will think no outward expression of reverence too much — He will give his body too. — Philip Henry.
A heart to be truly thankful for the Redeemer, is a good sign of an interest in the redemption. — lb.
If we copy the example of Christ, it will be an evidence that we are his now, in the kins:- dom of grace, and an earnest that we shall follow him hereafter into the kingdom of glory. — lb.
Though we cannot wash in innoccncy, yet we must wash in penitency.
Forced absence from God’s ordinances, and forced presence with wicked people, is a grievous burden to a gracious soul. — lb.
Christians are witnesses to the power of God’s grace, to the sweetness of his comforts, to the truth of his promises, and the tenderness of his providence. — lb.
The happiness of heaven consists in being with Christ — ’ that they may be with me.’ — Thoughts of this are reviving, and should be improved, as a cordial to keep from fainting under any trouble — as a spur to put us forward in duty — as a bridle to restrain from sin — and as a loadstone to draw our aflections upward. — lb.