1852–1855
School at Diisseldorf — Journey to Westphalia — Leaving school — Numero I. — Autobiography resumed — Life in the pastor’s family — The Countess von Lippe — Letter from Pastor Schulze-Berge — The day of confirmation — In Worcester cathedral — *“Thine for ever” — Home life — Oakhampton enjoyment — Welcome home to my father.”
IN November she accompanied her parents to
Germany.
(Zo £. C.)
GRAFRATH, LVovember 1852.
- «. We arrived here, that papa might consult the great oculist, Dr. De Leuw. The Hofrath is very good to his poor patients, and attends to them most carefully, and never charges them anything; the village is full of them. The country round Grdafrath must be pretty in summer, and I have found some nice walks. The master of our hotel has a partiality for cats and dogs, and, as they follow him up to bed every night, the gentle patter of fifty-two feet is extremely amusing.
The Hofrath says papa has incipient cataract, which he hopes to be able to disperse. As we need remain here only three weeks, we shall winter in Dusseldorf. I will tell you about my school there, to which I am long-* ing to return. The ‘“Louisenschule” is so called from the Queen of Prussia. There are no private schools here, and all the young ladies seem to attend this school, which numbers one hundred and ten scholars,. <.
(Zo Z. C.)
KONIGSWINTER, AZay 13, 1853.
- -. Having had a month’s holiday here, I am going back to the Louisenschule. Fraulein Quincke is a very excellent schoolmistress, and the masters are undoubtedly very good. My music master is extremely particular. I find some harmonic scales by Mendelssohn good practice, but all my pretty English splashy pieces are interdicted. I have joined the drawing class and am so fond of it. The school is under the direction of that good man, Pastor Krafft, so altogether papa has decided to let me have my way and return to school, while he and mamma travel about. I can chatter pretty fast in German, and am so well zz with all their lesson plans, that I should be sorry not to return. I had an excellent testimony at the Easter examination.
Papa has taken us an excursion into Westphalia, partly in the hope of finding some interesting cousins there, inasmuch as Dr. De Leuw and others assure us our name is Westphalian. But so far we have not succeeded. We were delighted with Miinster, the capital, a curious old German town, The market place is surrounded with beautiful arcades of massive stone (instead of wood as at Chester), the light figurate pillars and open stonework are extremely elegant. While mamma rested at the hotel, papa took me to the cathedral. The bells were chiming confusedly. It was a lovely evening after sunset. We went in, and I never saw any-MUNSTER CATHEDRAL. a6
thing so enchanting. The light, soft and faint, streamed in through the western window, casting upon the pavement, beneath, the shadows of the marble pillars which supported the organ, in a peculiar way. Scattered about were a few solitary worshippers, some before a cross or image, and some with books and tapers. We listened to what seemed to be the sound of very sweet chanting in the choir, but on going nearer it had ceased, and was echoing in another part. It was in fact the sound of the bells, their extremely beautiful tones floating softly through the long aisles of the cathedral. Altogether I cannot describe the impressions made upon one, but I can well imagine how the worshippers, kneeling about the cathedral, might mistake the quiet soothing feeling, which such a scene easily induces, for holy devotion. Popery knows well how to lull and deceive, knows well how to entrap the senses and feelings; and nothing can be better suited to the natural heart than such a religion. Next morning a confirmation was held in one of the churches we happened to visit, and there, for the first time, I saw the elevation of the host. Have you ever seen it? You should for once. It is so saddening, so dreadful, at the tinkling of a bell to see a whole congregation kneel and worship a wafer! Afterwards there was a procession round the church twenty times, with the host, acolytes, and incense, which same incense gives everything the most heathenish look; and, while banners and crosses and pictures of saints passed round, a litany to the saints was chanted, with “Ora pro nobis” coming over and over again.
We have made other excursions, etc. How much pleasure I have had, all I wish and all I want; but amI having my good things here? I wish I knew which Master I am serving. Should I Jet go my hold on Christ so often and so readily, if mine were a true hold on Him? I began so well at school, and thought that earthly learning would not for this time tempt me to forget heavenly things; but day after day I grew more eager for my lessons, and less earnest in seeking Jesus.
It is pleasant to get good news from England. Iam so proud and pleased about my brother Frank. He was ordained at Christmas, and accepted a curacy at Hereford with good Mr. Hanbury. Six months afterwards he was appointed to a minor canonry at Hereford Cathedral; so he is the youngest Minor Canon ever elected in England. My dear brother Henry has another little daughter; how I love my brothers!
(To BE. C)
OBERCASSEL, September 17, 1853.
I have left school for ever I suppose, and came here from Diisseldorf. What a suffocating feeling it is, leaving school for ever — a period, an era, completely passed and left behind! One feels that childhood is over now, and a sense of tenfold increased responsibility and independence, so to speak, is a weight upon the spirit. The strings seem loosed which have hitherto bound and yet protected one, — a child’s obedience and diligence. One’s future education and formation of character, whether for good or evil, depends now upon oneself; indeed in a measure one’s whole life, one’s happiness or misery through the whole pilgrimage, must be very, very greatly influenced by, and dependent on, that important time, the first year after leaving school.
Many a power of mind must be exercised which, as yet, has had little opportunity to try its flight; judgment and discretion in a thousand things are needful; one must think and act far more for oneself; self-denial must be learnt; oh so much has to be done! Asa child, ‘the education of the mind was more in other hands, but now the education of mind and heart is confided to one’s own care, and there will be an account to give of how this has been performed. One’s spirit is a precious diamond; the rougher cutting work has been done by other hands, now one must undertake its further beautifying oneself, the polishing and grinding needs care and diligence and attention, and if neglected how shall we find an excuse with the great Master Jeweller, who had given the costly stone into our care? Now a different place in life, in society, and in one’s own family must be occupied; more is expected from one, many a little burden from which the child is exempt must now be taken up voluntarily. Then the past years, as memory brings the long panorama slowly, one picture after another, before one’s view, how spotted, how defiled are even the fairest of these scenes; every year having brought new guilt to be mourned over! But thankfulness must not be forgotten amid the whirl of conflicting feelings and thoughts; not drops but rich full measure of happiness filled my cup, at least through the greater part of this time; and many blessings, which till now I have scarcely been aware of, ought to make me very grateful to Him, who does indeed let His sun shine on the most unthankful and evil. You experienced all this a year ago, and so will understand it....
You will like to know the result of my last examination. Only fancy, when the testimonies were given out at the Louisenschule, amidst heart beating and cheek flushing (especially mine), “Frances Havergal, Wumero Lins /” broke the still silence of the awed assemblage. You understand German enough to know that ezzs means one. Proud I was, partly on account of being a daughter of Britain. I did not go to sleep till nearly midnight, for pure delight and satisfaction. I can’t be satisfied without telling my friend the whole of the history. In the Louisenschule, when a girl has not learnt everything (as you know I did not), she receives merely her testimony but 2o number. This half-year, however, it seems that all the masters, in council assembled, were so very well pleased with the Azglanderin’s (English girl’s) papers and conduct that they agreed to break their rule for once, and honour me with Numero f., a thing which they had never done before!
AUTOBIOGRAPHY RESUMED.
The year 1853 was unique in some things. I was at school at Diisseldorf part of it; and stood alone (as far as I know) among the r1o girls. I do not think there was one besides myself who cared for religion. This was very bracing. I felt I must try to walk worthy of my calling, for Christ’s sake; and it brought a new and very strong desire to bear witness for my Master, to adorn His * doctrine, and to win others for Him. It made me more watchful and earnest than perhaps ever before, for I knew that any slip, in word or deed, would bring discredit on my profession. There was very much enmity to any profession, and I came in for more unkindness than would have been possible in an average English school, where I believe the tone is infinitely higher in every way and the supervision far more strict. Results were: as to my schoolfellows none, I do not now that I did any good among them; though, towards the end of the time, several were certainly disarmed, and left off the small persecutions in which they had delighted, and were even affectionate to me. As to teachers, I had the reward of leaving with the best zewgniss in the whole school, and with the highest praise and regret from every one. As to myself, it was a sort of nailing my colours to the mast. I had taken a higher standard than ever before, and had come out more boldly and decidedly on the Lord’s side than I might have done for years under ordinary circumstances. Yet the tide ebbed again before many months had passed, and I remember longing to be able to say ““O God, my heart is fixed,” — in bitter mourning over its weakness and wavering.
(Letter to E. C.) OBERCASSEL, 1853. You will want to know, dear Elizabeth, what brings me here. Dear papa’s eyes have been lately quite at a standstill as to improvement. He is now with mamma at Heidelberg, leaving me under the care of a good pastor and his wife. Obercassel is a pleasant village on the Rhine. We see the Drachenfels, with a peep into a narrow rock-shut-in valley, through which the Rhine flows from Coblenz. That you may glance into my room, I send herewith a Raphaelistic sketch thereof! Busts of Goethe and Schiller, shelves and table covered E with German and French books, etc., etc. It will soon be dusk, and then I go down and take my place by the Pastor Schulze-Berge, who will read aloud, while the pleasant frau pastorin and Lottchen work or knit. Conversational interruptions, serious or amusing, will take their turn; and Goethe, whose life is the subject, will be criticised in every light. Now, is not this very pleasant? I like my quarters amazingly, and am very happy. I get up at five o’clock, breakfast at seven; then I study for four hours. Of course my books are nearly all German, and I write abstracts; I also give one hour to French literature. How I do enjoy myself when I get to the German poets and Universal History, which I dive into with avidity. If anything strikes me, I can always refer to the good pastor.
. -. Ihave opportunities here of seeing a little of German high life. Close by is the “court” of the Count von Lippe, a family worthy of their rank and title. They live very simply, because they give more than half their income away. The dowager countess is a perfect pattern of a Christian noble lady, also her gentle suffering daughter, Mathilde. The count and his wife are now travelling in Italy. Then there is an adopted daughter, Fraulein von Clondt, whom I like very much. To her I go now regularly from g to ro a.m., to read some German author, which is very nice for me and very kind of her. Besides that, I am constantly invited there to tea or for some excursions, so that I see many of the German - aristocracy who are often there. One of the countess’s daughters is a princess; I should like her to come while I am here, as I have never
GERMAN PASTOR’S LETTER. 5r
spoken to a princess in my life! I am often on the Rhine, and I always row a little, it’s suchfun!... The German language is very easy to me, for except on Sundays, which I spend with the English clergyman of Diisseldorf, I never hear or speak English. It is most absurd now when I begin to speak English; I cannot get to think in it, and keep translating German expressions which seem so much more natural to me to use. I must go to Diisseldorf to visit Fraulein Quincke, whose especially beloved pupil I was. One of her friends, Herr Niessen, an artist, was to paint a portrait of me for her; but he was ill and could not do it till the last day, and so he only sketched one.* Not many weeks more till I see you, — hurrah!
(Pastor Scthulze-Berge to M. V. G. HH.)
September 24, 1879.
It is a joy to myself to give you some information about your beloved sister Frances’ progress in those studies in which I had the privilege of being her instructor. I had the greatest esteem for her while she was in our house, which only deepened each time I saw her again or heard of her work. She was committed to my care for her studies in 1853, at Obercassel. I instructed her in German composition,
* This fact about the artist’s sketch led to recent search for it, After many failures, Messrs. Elliott and Fry traced it by some artist friends. The portrait was first heard of at Cologne, then at Bonn, and finally found in Fraulein Quincke’s possession there, and sent to London. literature, and history; I learned to appreciate her rich talents and mental powers, so that the lessons were more pleasure than work. She showed from the first such application, such rare talent, such depth of comprehension, that I can only speak of her progress as extraordinary She acquired such a knowledge of our most celebrated authors in a short time as even German ladies attain only after much longer study. They were precious moments when I unfolded to her the character of one of our noblest poets and thinkers, and let her have a glimpse into the splendour of his works. Stirred to the depths of her soul, she burst out enthusiastically, “Oh what mental giants, what gifted men, these Germans are!” What imprinted the stamp of nobility upon her whole being, and influenced all her opinions, was her true piety, and the deep reverence she had for her Lord and Saviour, whose example penetrated her young life through and through.
Seldom have I been more touched than by the news of her early “going home,” but she is with Him to whom her soul belonged, her Lord. With the united remembrance of Adelheid (her goddaughter) and all my family,
Yours very sincerely,
PASTOR SCHULZE-BERGE.
In December 1853 Fanny returned with her parents to England. Passing over many months, we come to the solemn and long anticipated time of her confirmation in Worcester Cathedral, by Dr. Henry Pepys, Bishop of Worcester.
4 tase SE ESS se a
[From HER SEALED Papers. ]
July 17, 1854.
Now, on the evening of my confirmation day, I will look back upon it, and briefly endeavour to write some little record of it, for my own interest and profit in coming years.
Satan has been busy with me all this day. I rose early; he then tried to persuade me to put off, little by little, my reading of the Bible and prayer, and to some extent succeeded in making me do other minor things first, and in preoccupying my mind. At length I knelt. I looked back on all my past life, and tried to thank God for all; but the praise was not so fervent as it should have been, nor the prayer so earnest, for a blessing not only on this day but on my future life; and my soul was grieved at this coldness. But, ere I rose, my heart did seem a little warmer and Jesus a little nearer.;
In the procession to Worcester Cathedral Ellen Wakeman was my companion. On reaching our seat very near the rails, I sunk on my knees, and for the first time to-day the thought of “whose I am” burst upon me, and I prayed “my God, oh, my own Father, Thou blessed Jesus my own Saviour, Thou Holy Spirit my ow Comforter,” and I stopped. It scarcely seemed right for me to use the language of such strong assurance as this, but yet I did not retract. The Litany only was chanted; and, though my thoughts would fain have flown with each petition heavenward, yet every little thing seemed /redly a distraction, and the chanting was too often the subject of my thoughts. My heart beat very fast, and my breath almost seemed to stop, while the solemn question was being put by the bishop. Never I think did I feel my own weakness and utter helplessness so much. I hardly dared answer; but “the Lord is my strength” was graciously suggested to me, and then the words quickly came from (I trust) my very heart; ‘‘Lord, I cannot without Thee, but oh, with Thy almighty help, — lI bo.”
I believe that the solemnity of what had just been uttered, with its exceeding comprehensiveness, was realized by me as far as my mind could grasp it. I thought a good deal of the words “now unto Him that is able to keep you from falling”; and that was my chief comfort. We were the first to go up, and I was the fourth or fifth on whom the bishop laid his hands. At first, the thought came as to who was kneeling next to me, but then the next moment I felt alone, unconscious of my fellow candidates, of the many eyes fixed upon us, and the many thoughts of and prayers for me, alone with God and His chief minister. My feelings when his hands were placed on my head (and there was solemnity and earnestness in the very touch and manner) I cannot describe, they were too confused; but when the words “Defend, O Lord, this Thy child with Thy heavenly grace, that she may continue Thine for ever, and daily increase in Thy Holy Spirit more and more, until she come unto Thy everlasting kingdom,” were solemnly pronounced, if ever my heart followed a prayer it did then, if ever it thrilled with earnest longing not unmixed with joy, it did at the words “Thine for ever.” But, as if in zo feeling I might or could rest satisfied, there was still a longing “oh that I desired this yet more earnestly, that I believed it ye¢ more fully.” We returned to our seats, and “THINE FOR EVER.” 55
for some time I wept, why I hardly know, it was not grief, nor anxiety, nor exactly joy. -About an hour and a quarter elapsed before all the candidates had been up to the rails; part of the time being spent in meditation on the double transaction which was now sealed, and in thinking that I was now more than ever His; but I still rather sadly wished that I could fee, more. Many portions of Scripture passed through my mind, particularly part of Romans vill.... Each time that the “Amen” was chanted in amore distant part of the cathedral, after the “Defend” had been pronounced, it seemed as though a choir of angels had come down to witness, and pour out from their pure spirits a deep and felt “‘ Amen.”
The bishop pronounced ‘the closing blessing so very impressively that it was like soothing balm to me, and the thought came “why should I doubt that my soul will indeed receive the blessing which God’s minister is thus giving? why did God appoint him thus to bless if it were to be a mere idle form? May not His blessing accompany them, and. ..”
The paper was not finished, nor can any account of her first communion be found. ‘In her manuscript book of poems she wrote:
“THINE FOR EVER.”
Oh! “Thine for ever,” what a blessed thing
To be for ever His who died for me!
My Saviour, all my life Thy praise I’ll sing,
Nor cease my song throughout eternity.
Ln the Cathedral, July 17, 1854.
She always kept the anniversary of her confirmation day. When at Celbridge (1875), her juvenile instructor in Hebrew (John H. Shaw) remembers on one of these occasions missing her at their hour for study, and that she spent most of the day in holy retirement. So lately as 1876 and 1877 she seems to have renewed her confirmation vow, in the following verses.
A CovENANT
Now, Lord, I give myself to Thee,
I would be wholly Thine;
As Thou hast given Thyself to me,
And Thou art wholly mine,
Oh take me, seal me as Thine own,
Thine altogether — Thine alone.
(July 1876.)
On ty for Jesus! Lord, keep it for ever, Sealed on the heart and engraved on the life! Pulse of all gladness, and nerve of endeavour, Secret of rest, and the strength of our strife!
(July 1877.)
We now return to her home life after her confirmation in 1854.
She carefully kept up all her studies, her abstracts in German, French, and English showing the rapidity and variety of her reading. With her father’s help she acquired sufficient knowledge of “WELCOME HOME!” 57
Greek to enjoy studying the New Testament. Her manuscript book contains twenty-five original German and English poems, beside poetical enigmas and charades, which she contributed to various pocket books under the name of “Sabrina” and “Zoide,” and for which she often obtained prizes, the money thus gained being sent to the Church Missionary Society.
OakHAMPTON, Jay 14, 1855.
Here I am in the height of enjoyment with my brother Frank. Little Miriam’s absence is a drawback. My Evelyn is ill; but she is very gentle and patient, indeed I never saw a sick child so utterly without fretfulness. She is lovely, a perfect sunbeam, with golden wavy hair.
How rife everything in spring seems with beautiful emblems. I don’t mean such as are already down in poetry books, but those wildly, lovely, intangible similes which flit across the mind, like the shadows of a flying
bird!
Our dear father had again been to Grafrath in 1855, and returned with his eyesight much better. Frances writes:
Is not this glorious? Such sudden improvement we hardly dared to hope for. We shall see papa in the reading desk on Sunday, where he has not been for nearly four years! Oh, we are so happy. Papa and mamma came home on Saturday. We welcomed them in style. I made a triumphal arch over the hall-door with flowers and greenery, over the study door papa’s crest in flowers, and over the dining-room a banner with the words in rosebuds and leaves, ‘Welcome Home.’ Oh it was so nice that dear papa was able to see it; directly he came in he knelt down with us all, and offered such beautiful prayer or rather praise!