Chapter VIII

He following letter contains an account of a circumstance which deeply interested dear Alice at the time, and which gave her a source of interest for all the remaining years of her life. The little child here spoken of was the son of a young widow, who had left her fathers house in Baltimore in a fit of passion, and had been reduced from one stage of degradation and misery to another, until she had ended in the wretched cellar where Alice found her. This little boy, whom she named Ernest, was always felt by Alice to be a solemn charge directly from her Heavenly Father, and she opened her heart to receive him to its loving care. During the remainder of her life she made all his clothes, supplied him with toys and books, took the oversight of his training, and often had him to spend weeks and months together at her own home, where she faithfully endeavoured to fulfil the trust she had accepted, and to train him for eternity. Her death seemed like an almost irreparable loss to him; but God so arranged it, that shortly afterward his mother, who had married again respectably, but who had concealed from her second husband at the time of her marriage the fact of her little son’s existence, now made the whole story known to him, and he at once, with a noble forbearance, insisted upon taking the boy home to care for him as an own father would do.

“Tswedelle, March 22, 1862.

“My Dear B. C , —

... “I wonder how this will find you with regard to the poor weak body; in spirit it will doubtless find you still praising the Lord. You don’t know how often I think of your continual praise, ascending as it does out of your deep affliction, and it always does me good, and makes me feel like saying, with your favourite hymn —

[ I ’11 praise Him while He lends me breath, And when mine eyelids close in death Praise shall employ my nobler powers.’

“Your Methodist hymn-book, which you gave me, I often resort to. I have been learning out of it that lovely hymn commencing —

‘From every stormy wind that blows,
From every swelling tide of woes,
There is a calm, a sweet retreat,
‘Tis found beneath the mercy-seat.’

“It grows more wonderful to me every day, that poor sinful worms of the dust should be allowed such a refuge.

“Had I time I should like very much to tell you all about a little circumstance which has turned my thoughts and labours into a new channel for the last few days. I do not know whether you have heard about a new house of industry or female mission which a few of my friends have been starting in one of the very worst streets of Philadelphia, which brings under their influence a number of the most degraded women, who hear the gospel of Jesus, most of them for the first time, and have an opportunity of beginning to live honest and respectable lives.

“I went down there the other day, as I often do when

in the city, and arrived just as my cousin Mrs S

was surrounded by a number of poor women, who were telling her in the most affecting terms about a little baby in a cellar opposite. It had been given by its mother to a very bad man and woman, who, even in Bedford Street, were notorious for their drunkenness and cruelty, and whose only object in wanting the child was to reduce it to a skeleton, and then to carry it about the streets begging, in order to excite the public sympathy by its forlorn appearance.

‘• It was really a touching sight to see those poor women begging us to rescue the little creature from such a terrible fate. But what could we do? We went over to see therm but could not make anything at persuading the drunken Creatures to give us the child. We then went to the overseer of the poor, but he sent us to the beggar detective police, who, he said, would have the right by law to take the child away by force, if he had sufficient evidence that the man and woman were drunken, or in any way unfit to take care of the child. We at last found the officer we wanted, and proceeded with him to the cellar, and in a few minutes more the child was legally handed over to us, the mother having given up all right and title to it.

“It was a strange feeling to think that that little fellow belonged entirely to us, and was dependent upon us.

“We took him to the mission-house, and there took off his dirty rags, and wrapped him in a clean shawl.

“A question then arose, what should we do with him? The almshouse was not the place for a baby, and not a single public institution in Philadelphia will take babies. So we took him up to my uncle’s, and gave him a good bath, and dressed him in some clothes my cousin gave him, and were surprised to find him a sweet, healthy child, with a lovely smooth complexion and large blue eyes. They say he is thirteen months old, but he has a mouth full of teeth, and seems much older; claps his hands when he is hungry and sees his dinner coming, &c. We have found a private institution on purpose for little children and babies, where they have forty, all under four years of age; carried on entirely by Christians who have felt it their duty to give up their time to it, for Christ’s sake, and we have put him there.

“I became so much attached to him, and he to me, that I almost wanted to bring him home; but I knew that I could not do that for many reasons.

“We have been very busy making clothes for him. Poor little fellow! it seemed strange to pray for him, and to feel that perhaps it was the first time he had ever been prayed for in his life. I feel indeed that God has made us his sponsors or guardians, without giving us the opportunity of choosing whether we will take the responsibility or not. It is a solemn thing; nothing can relieve us from the duty of seeing that he is taught in the way of truth; an d truly we would not wish to get rid of what the Lord himself has laid upon us.

11 But I have written full enough about my baby. I fear I have tired you, and it is time I had said good-bye.”

After a short visit from her sister from Millville, she thus writes: —

“Tswedelle, April I, 1862.
” My own Carrie, —

“Thou can’t think how I missed thee on seventh day. It was so dull and rainy out-of-doors, and bright thoughts would not reign within. But I sat down and tried to write an unusually cheerful letter to

M, which had the effect of making me feel the

brighter.

“Yesterday we went to meeting, and I had a very sweet time, taking home somewhat of the lesson of Abraham to myself. In the afternoon I had a truly favoured season at the cottages. I took the forty-first

Psalm at M ’s; I never knew how much gospel

it contained, it seemed to me I was never before enabled to set it forth so freely and so fully.”

To her other sister she writes —

“Tswedelle, April 6, 1S62.

“My own Dearest Annie, —

“It is first day evening, and after a day of considerable exertion, I sit down to give the last end of this lovely Sabbath to my darling sister far away.

It has indeed been most spring-like for a few days

past, and after I came up from I ’s I ran down to

the woods, just to see if the trailing arbutus was not out yet. I did enjoy it so much. The bright warm sun was so lovely, and the grass so green, and the birds sang more musically, it seemed to me, than I had ever heard them. All nature was praising God, and I joined with a really thankful heart. How many, many blessings does He not give us, which we seldom realise!

“I have had a lovely day, and I feel refreshed and strengthened. 1 do believe God will take care of me, and use me to His glory in some way. I do not know how, but with Miss Waring, I can say,

1 1 would be treated like a child,
And guided where to go.’

“Indeed it seems that I want the Lord to do more than that for me. I want Him not only to guide me, but to make me go in the right path, after I know which it is.”

“Tswedelle, April 29, 1S62.

“My Dear Sister Annie, —

...” I have been thinking lately that our everyday letters do not contain half as much of the inner life as they ought to. As for me, I seldom have anything to say of what passes within. I think my religion is deepening, rather than advancing. I am sure that Jesus, my refuge, is much more precious and necessary to me now than He ever was. I have learned much of His sufficiency, of which I scarcely dreamed before. And yet I cannot feel that I have taken as many steps forward as I ought in the past year. It is dreadful to look at my own unfaithfulness. I have wakened up to one thing, in which I have been very unfaithful, and that is in allowing myself to float along with circumstances, contented to remain in ignorance with regard to what the Lord would have me do about certain things.

“It certainly is the will of the Lord, is it not, that His children should always know, and be sure, just what they ought to do in every matter? They are surely not called to act upon an uncertainty. He has promised to be a guide to our feet, to ’ lead us in a plain path,’ to give us wisdom wThen we lack it. And is He not our ‘Counsellor?’ What do all these texts mean, if not that we may have confidence in all things that we may know the mind of the Lord, as to what He would have us to do? We ought not to rest short of this, for although we may be in doubt for a season, have we not cause to believe that He will give us this knowledge before He calls upon us to act?

“Now this is what in many respects I have not claimed. Beginning several years ago with the matter of baptism, I rested short of certainty with regard to what the Lord’s wall was, and let myself drift along with circumstances. Since then I can see the same uncertainty keeping me back in other things. Now in God’s strength I have made up my mind, not in anything to rest nor to stop diligently inquiring of the Lord, until I know, and am sure that I know, His will.”

“Tswedelle, May 4, 1862.

tl My Dear Sister Carrie, —

... “I am sorry I have so little time left, for I wanted to talk to thee about baptism. 1 am greatly stirred up about it. I have made a discovery — at least it seems like a discovery, although it is nothing new — and that is, that almost all my spiritual troubles have arisen from the fact that I have settled down to be contented with not knowing the will of the Lord about many things. It is perfectly ruinous to spiritual growth, and every time you act or stand still without being sure you are doing right, you are paving the way to more and more unfaithfulness. It is our privilege and absolute duty to know what we ought to do in every matter. I rested short of knowing this about baptism, and I have rested short of it in many things since. Now I must begin to act differently. I have begun with other things, and now I must mend with regard to baptism, as this was a sort of starting-point of my unfaithfulness. Do let us try, with the Lord’s help, to be more faithful.”

Shortly after writing the above two letters, after a diligent study of the Scriptures, and much prayer, Alice was settled in the conviction that baptism with water was a scriptural ordinance, and that it would be in accordance with the will of the Lord that she should submit to it. Although some of her friends, who may read this memoir, may not unite with her in her views on this subject, yet they cannot but acknowledge in her unhesitating obedience in this respect, her single eye to what she believed to be the Lord’s will. Several letters, which follow, tell her feelings and experiences in regard to it.

“Tswedelle, May 20.

“My own Dear Carrie, —

...” I think I have learned a lesson that is worth a great deal — a lesson in humility. I have a clearer idea of what my position ought to be. I am going to try to act like a pilgrim, and a stranger, and a traveller here. I feel somehow that I have taken a step. It is such an unspeakable relief to be settled upon some sure foundation with regard to baptism. I feel a calmness that is delightful. I am just resting upon Christ, and so I feel perfectly happy; all care, all anxiety is laid on Him.

1 1 am a poor sinner, and nothing at all,
But Jesus Christ is my all and in all.’

“I am sure I never realised the first clause of this sentence so much, and I feel as though I never did the second. But I must not talk any more about this, though I believe I could write all dav, I have so much to say. ... I expect to go to New York on fifth day, nothing preventing, so am very busy.

“Kiss my nephew ‘baby Fank’ for me. The
little darling, how I love him!

“Thy own loving Sister.”

Alice went to New York to attend the yearly meeting in the sixth month, to which the following letter refers: — “Tswedelle, June 10, 1862.” My Dear Carrie, —

“Does thee think thy little sister has forgotten thee? I have been wanting so much to write, but I literally could not.

“I did not come home on seventh day, but went up

the North River with Uncle W.... Oh,

dear, how I wish I could talk instead of writing! I want to tell thee everything. I had such a sweet time in New York, although it was a season of deep conflict and many mingled emotions. It refreshed me very much, and strengthened me in the path of

duty. is perfectly lovely, and I was thrown

with all the most interesting Friends. We had so many delightful seasons of religious and social intercourse. The first day school conference, too, was very instructive and encouraging it quite stirred me up. ...

“I feel that this visit has been of the utmost importance to me. I never before knew how much I loved Friends, nor how much I valued my membership, and still I feel so confirmed in the new stand I have taken with regard to the Bible. It was delightful and yet heartrending. ... I prayed earnestly that if I was mistaken in my new certainty about baptism and the Lord’s Supper, it might be shaken, and such clear doubts come into my mind, that I would not be allowed to take this step, which I feel to be one of so much importance, but if I was right, that I might be settled in it.

“The Friends were all so kind and lovely; they even told me they were praying for me that I might have clear light given me as to what was my duty

Dear was very sweet; she told me we should

be just as near to her as ever; but I think the thought of losing us made her feel very sad; it quite distressed me to see it. “We had some long conversations about taking the Scriptures simply; they were very satisfactory.

“About telling father and mother! How can I do it? I am praying about it, but I confess I am in some trepidation of spirit. I am laying in a stock of kisses from dear father; he is so good and sweet, I cannot bear to grieve him; he will feel that I am very undutiful and ungrateful. I do not want to act under any other feeling than that I am just doing an imperative duty. If we realise this, we will be willing to bear anything for the sake of it; but otherwise I know I never shall be able to stand all that it will bring upon me.... And now good-bye: may God bless us both, and lead us in the right way.”

After telling her parents of her decision, she thus writes to her sister: —

“Tswedelle, June 13.

“My Dear Carrie, —

... “I feel so happy about it now, so calm, and so sure I am doing right. ‘If ye love me, keep my commandments.’ This I believe to be a commandment, and as such I will keep it, and (God helping me) all other commands which I see that He gives. The 21st verse of the fourteenth chapter of John has been much in my mind. - He that hath my commandments, and keepeth them, he it is that loveth me: and he that loveth me shall be loved of my Father; and I will love him, and will manifest myself to him.’ It is sweet to feel that you are seeking to keep His commandments.”

“Millville, June 26, 1862.
” My Dear Friend, —

“It is one of the loveliest of Sabbath mornings, so calm and quiet; the little birds seem to be singing their praises even more joyfully than usual in the wood upon which my window opens, and my heart, too, sings praises.

“All the family have gone to meeting excepting myself, and as I could not go, I have been enjoying a little meeting here alone, and now I come to have a Sabbath morning talk with you.

“There are some precious truths, into a fuller realisation of which the Lord has most graciously brought me of late, and about which I would like to speak, for I long that you and all my friends may be more stirred up to realise with me, to what a glorious * high calling ’ we are appointed in becoming the children of God through Christ Jesus.

“I know that all Christians give a passive assent when they read in the Bible that to become converted is to be made ’ an heir of God, and joint-heir with Christ,’ one of a ’ chosen generation, and a ‘royal priesthood,’ a member of the ‘household of God, even ’ kings and priests unto God; ’ but if these truths were accepted as realities, could it help making a wonderful change in our ideas of the duties of a Christian, as well as our zeal in performing them?

“I am now convinced that the reason many followers of Jesus do not see the inconsistency of many things, such as fighting, either in self-defence or defence of their country, is because they do not apprehend the glorious truth of the heavenly calling of the Church of Christ; that we are absolutely and really ’ sons and daughters of the Lord Almighty, and are called to act accordingly. As such, we can afford to act very differently from the way in which others do. We are no longer to act upon human reasoning, for we are the ’ citizens of heaven,’ governed by its laws and rules; we are on the earth, but not of the earth. Oh, what a different aspect this gives our whole lives.

“Will you not pray, dear friend, that your eyes may be opened to realise more fully our heavenly calling, privileges, and possessions? Think of the wonderful names by which we are designated, and what a glorious destiny we are told lies before us! To be the ‘temple of the living God’ (Eph. xi. 22), to be ‘followers of God,” children of the light,” accepted in the Beloved,’ and to know that we shall be like Him, that one day we shall share His throne and reign with Him! We are, in short, dead and risen men j the life we now live is resurrection life. It is as though we had died and gone up to heaven, and taken possession of our home there, and then had been sent back to earth for a little while to accomplish some mission for our Lord.

“We are strangers and pilgrims on earth; we have here no continuing city, but God has prepared for us a city. The world hates us because we are not of the world, even as Christ was not of the world, and the Father loves us as He has loved His well-beloved Son.

“You do, in some degree, appreciate what a glorious thing it is to be born of God, do you not?

If you do, then the thought arises in your heart, as it has so powerfully in mine, ‘Oh, that I could walk worthy of the vocation wherewith I am called! ‘The very purpose for which God has called us is that we ‘may be conformed to the image of His Son.’ Marvellous words! Oh, that we may know their full meaning! Is not this indeed the most glorious destiny of which the mind can conceive! And shall we mar God’s purpose by our disobedience and rebellion! I am sure we do want to be made like Jesus, and do not wish even in one single little thing to come short of the wondrous destiny to which God has ordained us. Shall we not then rather give ourselves up — body, soul, and spirit — to let Him work in us to will and to do of His own good pleasure!

“And now this brings me to the second truth, the importance of which I have come to realise more than ever before. It is this — The necessity of having our minds perfectly subjected to the written Word of God. I have found that mine has not been, but I humbly hope it is now. It would be very difficult for me to make you understand exactly what my position was with regard to this; but I never before appreciated what a gift the Bible is to the Christian, and, above all, what the Christian’s position is with regard to the Bible. Just think of it, God has given us a book of written directions and commands, not only about the way by which we must be saved, through His dear Son, but about how we must walk after we are saved. We believe these are all inspired and perfect, having not one wrong direction 01 needless command. God himself says that they are able to make us perfect, and to furnish us unto every good work....

“I think I am prepared to follow the Bible, no matter where it may lead me. Such commands as those in Matthew v. 38-48, and Luke vi. 27-38, are, it is true, most unearthly and unreasonable; but they are addressed to unearthly men, to a ’ heavenly race,’ who do not acknowledge reason as their guide, but 1 live by faith.’ A child of wrath could not indeed give the cloak to him who has stolen his coat, for he has no Heavenly Father to give him another; he could not turn his other cheek to the smiter, for he has no Father to avenge his wrongs; he could not give to those who ask, and lend, hoping for nothing again, for he has no Heavenly Father to provide for all his wants; but God’s children can do all this, and more, because their treasure is above. They are brought into fellowship with the Father and with His Son, and consequently are like-minded with them. God is not judging now, therefore His child must not judge; God is not taking vengeance now, therefore His child cannot avenge himself; God is dealing in grace, therefore His child must deal in grace. The world knows not God, it cannot see Him, therefore the children of God are set in the world to recommend and reveal Him....

81 And now let me ask you one question. Is your mind in perfect subjection to the written Word of God? Are you willing to take the Bible as your guide-book and directory, and follow wherever it may lead you? Will you give up all the traditions of men which you have been taught, and take instead the commands of God as your rule of life? Come to the Bible as a little child, willing to take every other command just as simply, and obey it, as you did the one to believe on Jesus and live. Try to forget all that man has taught you about what the Bible has said, and come to it to find out for yourself what really is there; and remember that it is by reason of use, that is, by using the light we already have, ’ that our senses are exercised to discern both good and evil.” He that will do my will shall know of the doctrine; ’ and there is no reason why you alone, with God and your Bible, should not become a ’ strong man ’ in the things of God. It is a matter of the greatest importance to both you and me to find out what we are to do; let us then go to the Bible, with a fresh motive and fresh zeal, to find out what the commands of the Lord are; and what we find there we will do, the Lord helping us, will we not? for He has said, ‘If ye love me, keep my commandments.’..

“I wish you could have met J. H. D, a real

evangelist, a ‘Friend’ with whom I became acquainted during my visit to New York last month. Being with him could not help, I think, inspiring other Christians with the same feelings of longing to spread the gospel. ‘Freely ye have received, freely give,’ has been sounding in my ears ever since. I feel so desirous that you should throw your whole soul into this work. You are not a minister, but you have 1 heard; ’ then say, ‘Come; whosoever will, let him come, and take of the water of life freely.’

“I could say much more on this subject, but I must not, for I want to tell you something which perhaps might have surprised you if you had not just read this letter.

“Next Sabbath my sister Carrie and myself expect to be baptized. I now see it clearly to be commanded in my guide-book, and of course I obey — yes, and gladly too; although I could not express how deeply I feel the severe trials which accompany it. Besides causing dear father much pain, it is a real trial to me to leave Friends.* It is the societv of my birth, and I love it; moreover, those whose opinion I care most for are Friends. But all this is as nothing; my Saviour must be before everything, and it is His glory, not my own, that I am seeking; and, compared with the sweet pleasure of walking with Jesus, this trial seems light indeed.

“I look upon baptism as an expression of the glorious fact that I have been washed and made clean in the blood of my precious Redeemer; and also of the fact that I have been ’ buried with Him by baptism into death, that like as Christ was raised from the dead by the glory of the Father, even so I also may walk in newness of life, May He enable me to feel always that as in figure I shall go down into death, and come up again from death, so in reality I may be dead and buried to the world, but risen with Christ, and walking in newness of life. I believe that bap-

* Alice was not disconnected from the society, and she felt deeply the great kindness and consideration which she received from those who differed from her in their views on this subject. She often spoke of it afterward, and said that instead of finding it, as she had feared, to be a cause of separation from Friends she had long looked up to with respect and affection, she felt herself even more closely drawn to them in love than before.

tism is a most solemn, sweet, and appropriate figure of this death, burial, and resurrection with Christ.”

On the 30th of 6th mo. Alice was baptized, and for the first time partook of the outward emblems of the broken body and shed blood of her precious Redeemer. She thus refers to it in a note written to her sister a few days after: —

“TSWEDELLE, J Illy 2, 1 862.

... “We have decided not to start for St John until a week from to-morrow, and now that we are not going so soon, I am possessed with a longing to see thee again, my own precious Carrie, but I suppose it is impossible. Sabbath afternoon was so sweet to me that I have felt better ever since; more like living the resurrection life.”...

About this time Alice received a visit from a young friend, for whose salvation she felt a deep anxiety. Shortly after her arrival, she sought an opportunity to set the Gospel before her. At first, there seemed to be no response, and Alice’s heart sank within her, and she thought “Well, I am at least doing my duty, and must leave the result with God.” After she had concluded, however, her friend threw her arms around her, and exclaimed, “Oh, I am so glad you have spoken to me on this subject! For months I have been thinking about it, and have had no one to talk to.” The result was that, during her visit, this young girl was brought to a knowledge of her Saviour, and was enabled to trust Him for the forgiveness of her sins, and, to Alice’s great joy, openly confessed with her lips her faith in Him; thus adding another to the many precious souls whom she was privileged during her short life to lead to the feet of that Saviour who was so dear to her.

The next letter is from St John, New Brunswick, where Alice spent the remainder of the summer with her sister Annie.

To M. M. J.

“St John, July 22, 1862.

“My Dear M —

“I am afraid you will think your ’ dewdrop ’ has ceased to sparkle for you, or that she has gone to Europe, or some such distant place, it has been so very long since you have heard from her....

“Indeed you have been much in my thoughts, for I fancied your last letter seemed sad. I do not like to think of you as being so, although I know there must be in every life sorrows, and many trials only

known to God. But is it not a comfort, dear M,

that they are all sent by Him, and that all our surroundings, and the circumstances in which we are placed, are arranged by His hand, and are working together for our good? Let us remember, for our encouragement, that we are to be living stones in the temple of the Lord, and as blocks of granite must be chiselled and carved, sometimes by hard blows and cutting, into the desired form, if they are to take a place in an earthly building, even so we are having the rough edges taken off, and are being formed into the right shape to fill just the little niche in the living temple of the Most High, which He designs for us.... We may have many things to make us feel careworn and anxious, but He can take care of everything, and what more do we wish? I have been earnestly praying to-day that the Lord will make me vigilant and sober and watchful; that He will quicken me by His Holy Spirit that I may be ’ not slothful in business, fervent in spirit, serving the Lord.’

“My thoughts have been much occupied since I saw you in New York, by our baptism, which took place three weeks ago to-day; it was a solemn and unspeakably precious season.... May the Lord abundantly bless us, and shed upon us the renewing influences of His Holy Spirit.”

TO THE SAME.

“TSWEDELLE, Oct. 12, 1 862.

“My Very Dear M —

... “I left St John on the ist of September. You don’t know how hard it was to leave my dear sister. I should have remained longer, but on account of the autumnal storms, it was thought best for me to leave when I did. I stayed in Salem with my friends

the W s for two weeks, and then L. W and

Mr and Mrs O returned with me to Tswedelle...

“I wish I could have you here for a few weeks, in the quiet! How we should enjoy it! But our dear Jesus knows best, and when that blessing is the best thing for us, He will grant it to us. In Him have we not all things?

“The 5th chapter of Romans has seemed so precious to me to-day, particularly the 10th and nth verses. We are not only ’ reconciled to God ’ by Christ’s death, but are eternally safe because of His ’ life ’ (resurrection), and now we ‘joy in God.’

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