Doubt

John xx. 13 v.

“They have taken away my Lord, and I know not where they have laid Him.”

To whom were these words spoken? To the angels. What a strange audience! One would have said they were more fit for the ears of a society of sceptics. Do not they breathe a spirit of the deepest doubt — a despair of the very body of Christ? Why is the doubt, why is the despair, addressed to the angels? Because all honest doubt is prayer, and is borne on high by heavenly messengers. To whom do I cry when I am in doubt? Not to man, surely. I may proclaim my disbelief to a large concourse of men; but, if I am honest, I am speaking only at them, not to them; my real auditor is God. My cry is the cry to touch the print of the nails. It sounds, below, like a denial; but, above, it is interpreted as a supplication. Men on earth say, “he blasphemeth “; but the angels in heaven exclaim, “Behold, he prayeth.”

My soul, art thou troubled with the problems of the mind? Art thou beating against the bars that shut thee out from flight — the flight of prayer? Nay, but the beating is a part of thy flight, a part of thy prayer. Thinkest thou the doubt is thy search for God; it is thy God’s search for thee. Only through God canst thou learn the barrier to God. No man would feel imprisoned if he had not an experience of liberty. Why do the wings beat against the cage? If there were nothing seen outside of it, there would be no beating; the cage would be the universe. But when the beyond appears, thou art frantic to be free. It is the sun that makes thy shadow; it is the music that makes thy silence; it is the power of flight that makes thy fetters known. Thy sense of bondage is the vision of the beyond; it is God that makes thy want of God. Thy cry is a prayer. It is not yet the prayer of faith, but it is the prayer for faith. It brings nothing in its hand but the sense of its emptiness; yet God shall take the hand and fill it with His own. He can read the Christ beneath the cry. The Christ is still thy Lord, though, it may be, thou knowest not where they have laid Him.