Mrs. Jay's Illness; State of His Own Health
My dear Children, — I return to the notice of one connected so intimately, so importantly, and so influentially, with my character and history; and so interesting to yourselves also. But now, alas, the narrative becomes as painful as it was pleasing before.
Though in her early youth, and before I had the privilege of knowing her, your mother had been twice supposed to be in a decline, for about thirty years after our marriage she enjoyed continual good health. Her first complaint was a degree of oppression in breathing, affecting her at first occasionally, but rather growing upon the whole, and at length frequently returning with painful violence. From some symptoms attending the suffering, (though I might have mistaken them, and was afraid to inquire,) I feared there was water on the chest. But this apprehension was proved to be groundless, and her complaint was removed by a sudden painful seizure. My dear and invaluable friend. Dr. Bowie, was instantly sent for, and did everything that skill and unrelaxing attention could accomplish. Mr. Wilson Brown, also, an eminent surgeon, was peculiarly kind and attentive.
About a year after her first attack she had a second, though
h2 not attended with any paralysis. She was then at Clifton with a dear friend and her devoted servant, while I had gone to London for a few days on preaching business — not only with her full consent, but even recommendation. The seizure was violent, and left her for two hours and a half insensible; but professional assistance was close at hand. She was profusely depleted, and again revived. I hastened back, and again embraced her as one a second time given me from the dead.
Years have elapsed since this last attack without anything like a return; but I have always been constrained to rejoice with trembling. I have also long ceased to hope for any further improvement, especially as age was so gaining upon her. Yet much mercy has been mingled in my great trial; and I ought to have been, and I trust I have been, thankful for alleviations.
I know not whether the case is peculiar, in the reality or the degree, but I state the matter accurately; and I have been too long accustomed to the effect to be mistaken. As deviations and exceptions, instead of disproving a rule, sometimes only render it the more observable, in the case before us, owing to the frequency of the result, one might have been led to suppose that there was some kind of physical law in the operation where there was a contrariety, whether in nature or custom; her manner was nearly invariable. Thus she spoke of a drop of bread and a bit of water; she called the black white, and the white black; the cold heat, and the heat cold; preaching was hearing, and hearing was preaching; in the morning she wished you good evening, and in the evening good morning. Besides these obvious contrarieties, how many instances were there in the course of the day or hour in which the opposite did not strike you, till you reflected or examined, and then you perceived them. She is in a considerable measure apprehensive of this, and feels the greatness of the trial; and of tencomplains, that though she knows everything she cannot command the right words. To relieve her
embarrassment, at her own desire, she has ingeniously had written for her the names of a number of persons and things of which she is likely to speak j and often, after a pause or effort, she takes out the little book, which she always carries about with her. Till*of late, her attempts to be again able to read, especially the Scriptures, have been great and incessant, and when she could succeed with a verse, she was much pleased with the achievement, and would often repeat it; while she was always craving for some one to read to her in the word of God, or books of experience and devotion.
Thus when the companion, so delightful and edifying by her discourse, was almost entirely removed, — the friend, the helper, the comforter was, in a considerable degree, yet graciously continued. And now that she has become in the course of nature more infirm and dependent, she is indescribably interesting. I cannot for a moment forget what she has been, and what she has done; or be insensible of my obligations to her. She needs and she occupies much of my attention, but attention endears her the more. My affection has now infused into it an unselfish tenderness, and I have learned by experience that the happiness of love results principally from its disinterestedness. And we know who has said, “It is more blessed to give than to receive.^’
Health is an unspeakable blessing, not only on the score of enjoyment, but of usefulness. Job called the season of his sickness “months of vanity,^^ during which, as nothing was enjoyed, so nothing was pursued or accomplished. While disease deprives us of our liberty, and weakens our strength in the way, the hands of the workman are no longer sufficient for him — the eyes of the handmaiden no longer look to her mistress — the mother leaves her infant charge to less tender care — and the preacher, whose lips fed many, ceases to deal forth the bread of life. Paul, therefore, not only instructs his son
Timothy as an apostle, but prescribes for Mm as a physician: “Drink no longer water, but use a little wine, for thy stomach’s sake, and thine often infirmities.’^ Next to our spiritual welfare is the good estate of the body; therefore John says of Gains,” Beloved, I wish above all things that thou mayest pposper and be in health, even as thy soul prospereth.’’ A word, therefore, concerning the degree, the interruption, the recovery, and the preservation of my health, may not be improper or useless.
I had never a very strong constitution, or, at least, a remarkable freedom from slight indispositions. For a great length of time I had almost incessant headaches, which rendered my preaching difficult, and my studies painful. Many will remember the several seizures in my head with which I was visited, and which more than once befell me in the pulpit. They were very sudden. They momentarily confused my sight, and nearly deprived me of all consciousness. The faculty who then attended me viewed these attacks as serious and perilous; and I was bled, and cupped, and reduced in strength and size, till I seemed a shadow hastening to the grave. This I could not have borne much longer. In this state, Mr. Wilberforce, being in Bath, called upon me, and urged me to see Dr. Baillie, whom he extolled as his friend and physician. He expressed the greatest confidence in his judgment, and offered to write me a letter of introduction. I gratefully accepted his kindness, and repaired to town. The doctor favourably received me; paid (in consequence of the recommendation) a good deal of attention to my case; and, to the kind and seasonable advice of the negro’s friend, I am fully persuaded I owe, under God, the prolongation of my life and labours. And I cannot but here remark two things — First,” A word fitly spoken how good is it!’^ and what important consequences may arise from a single instruction or admonition! Secondly, We see the propriety of sometimes varying medical authority. No man is infallible. What does
not staike one may strike another. When a physician is called in, he may immediately form and express his opinion of the case, and then go on looking, not for what corrects but confirms his conviction, till every doubt or suspicion of the possibility of mistake is lulled to sleep.
I should have mentioned before, that at rather an early period of my ministry I suffered very considerably from a nervous malady, and which threatened for the time to lay me aside from my work. This was of my own procuring y in neglecting for a season early rising, and proper air and exercise, and confining myself to long sedentary reading and writing. From a firm conviction of my own, I threw off, by degrees, but not without difficulty, this affecting and deplorable complaint, to return no more. Yet, as every kind of experience is useful to a minister, the suffering has been overruled for good, as it has enabled me to syinpathize, where otherwise, perhaps, I should have felt nothing; to warn and admonish any of my brethren likely to err in the same way; and to regulate my own applications, and to blend action with thought j and to do much of the work of the study in the open air. In vain we talk of the value of health, or expect to enjoy the blessing, unless we use the rational means for preserving it. These means will not deliver us from the sentence of mortality, but they may lengthen our days, and render them more tolerable, delightful, and profitable. With few exceptions, I have always practised early rising, being seldom in bed, summer or winter, after five o’clock; and this has been with me, not as with some, who say they rise because they cannot sleep, for it has been always an act of self-denial, for I could enjoy more, but I felt a conviction that it was morally right, as it redeemed time and aided duty; and also it was physically right, as it was wholesome and healthful. For how does it refresh and invigorate the body, revive the animal spirits, and exhilarate and elevate the mind! Yet how many are there, and even ministers.
and young ministers, not too much qualified for their work, who <;an sacrifice all this advantage to the lazy, low, debilitating, disreputable influences of a late indulgence in bed.
In looking back upon the years I have passed through, for nothing am I more thankful than the cautions I was led to exercise with regard to drinking.^ I knew the danger of increase with regard to spirituous liquors; I knew what temptations a young minister of some considerable popularity is exposed to in his frequent dinings-out, especially in great towns and cities, and at the table of professors who vie with each other in extravagance; for the faithful do not always add to their faith temper-
* In the year 1839, Mr. Jay was solicited to attend a Festival of the Teetotal Society in Bath, but as this was not convenient, he conveyed his sentiments to the meeting in the following letter, which was afterwards published extensively both in this country and in America: —
“My dear Sir, — Circumstances will prevent my accepting your invitation to attend the Teetotal Christmas Festival on Friday evening. I am thankful that all through life I have been a very temperate man, and for more than twenty-five years, generally, a Teetotaller, but for the last six years I have been one constantly and entirely. To this (now I am past 70) I ascribe, under God, the glow of health, evenness of spirits, freshness of feeling, ease of application, and comparative inexhaustion by public labours, I now enjoy.
“The subject of Teetotalism I have examined physically, morally, and christianly, and after all my reading, reflection, observation, and experience, I have reached a very firm and powerful conviction. I believe that next to the glorious Gospel, God could not bless the human race so much as by the abolition of all intoxicating liquors.
“As every man has some influence, and as we ought to employ usefully all our talents, and as I have been for near half a century endeavouring in this city to serve my generation, by the will of God, I have no objection to your using this testimony in any way you please. I am willing that both as a Pledger and a Subscriber you should put down the name of,
“My dear Sir,
“Yours truly,
” Percy Place, Bath, 2ith December, “W. Jay.”
ance.” As far as it was in my power, by word and deed, I always discountenanced such needless and improper “feastings of themselves without fear.’^ I commonly used watery principally, and, for years back, only; and I am fully persuaded that it has befriended my digestion, preserved the evenness of my spirits, and added to my comfort, especially in my feeling cool and fresh in the relaxation and lassitude of warm weather, while others were deservedly panting, and burdens to themselves. My natural wants were so many, that I never thought of adding to them the cravings of fictitious appetites equally importunate. I had, therefore, no trouble or expense from the wretched habits of snuff-taking or smoking. I have often found perspiration produced by a brisk walk or working in the garden, or cleaving of wood, the means of relieving me from many a slight ailment, especially headaches. To which I may add that I have often also derived benefit of this kind from preaching; but then it has been, not by dry discussions, or laboured recollections, or stale repetitions, but by animating subjects, producing a lively frame, and fine glowing emotions; then I have often come from the engagement with renewed strength, and” anointed as with fresh oil.^^ Perhaps the thing can be physically accounted for; if not, I have experienced the effect too often to question the truth of it. I ought to bless God, not only that my life has been continued so long after some menacing appearances, but that I have been laid by so few Sabbaths upon the whole, and can now perform my usual and occasional Siervices with as much vigour and pleasure as ever.
I am, &c.