Helps for Self-Examination Before We Come to This Ordinance
How earnest soever we are in pressing to join iheniseives to the Lord in this ordinance, we would not have them to be rash with their mouth, nor hasty to utter any thing before God.” It must be done, but it must be done with great caution and Bounds must be set about the mount on which God will descend, and we must address ourselves to solemn services with a solemn pause. It is not enough that we seek God in a due ordinance, but we must “seek him in a due order,” that is, we must “stir up ourselves to take hold on him.” — “Prepare to meet thy God, O Israel.” Those that labour under such an habitual indisposition to communion with God, and liable to many actual discomposures, as we are conscious of to ourselves, have need to take pains with their heart, and should, with a very serious thought and steady resolution, engage them to approach unto God.
Now the duty most expressly required in our preparation for the ordinance of the Lord’s Supper, is that of self-examination. The apostle, when he would rectify the abuses which had sullied the beauty of this sacrament in the church of Corinth, prescribes this great duty as necessary to the due management of it, and a preservative against .sharing in the guilt of such corruptions. “But let a man examine himself, and so let him eat of that bread, and drink of that cup.” He that desires the Lord’s Supper, desires a good work; but let these also first be proved. Jet them )rove their ownselves, and so let them come; upon that condition, and with that preparation, “I will wash my hands in innocency, so will I compass thine altar.” In this method we mutt proceed.
“‘Let a man examine himself,” — signifies either to prove, or to approve, and appoint such an approbation of ourselves, as it ifi the result of a strict and close probation; and such
H probation of ourselves as issues in a comfortable approbation according to the tenor of the new covenant. It is so to prove ourselves, as to approve ourselves to God in our integrity. “Lord, thou knowest all things, thou knowest that I love thee;” so as to appeal to God’s inquiry, “Examine me, O Lord, and prove me.”
To examine ourselves is to discourse with our own hearts; it is to converse with ourselves; a very rational, needful, and improving piece of conversation. When we go about this work we must retire from the world,” sit alone, and keep silence;’’ we must retire into our bosoms, and consider ourselves, reflect upon ourselves, inquire concerning ourselves, enter into a solemn conference with our own souls, and be inquisitive concerning our state. Those who are ignorant and cannot do this, or careless and secure, and will not do it, are unmeet for this ordinance.
I shall illustrate this by some similitudes.
1. We must examine ourselves, as metal is examined by the touchstone whether it be right or counterfeit. We have a show of religion; but are we what we seem to be? Are we current coin? or only washed over, as *’ a potsherd covered with silver dross? Hypocrites are reprobate silver. True Christians, when they are tried, come forth as gold. The word of God is the touchstone by which we must try ourselves. Can I through grace answer the characters which the Scriptures give of those whom Christ will own and save? It is true the best coin has an alloy which will be allowed for, in this state of imperfection; but the question is, is it sterling, is it standard? Though I am conscious to myself, there are remainders of a baser metal; yet is love to God the predominant principle? Are the interests of Christ the prevailing interest in my soul above those of the world and the flesh? I bear God’s image and superscription; is it of God’s own stamping? Is it upon an honest nnd good heart? Is it a matter of great consequence, and in which it is very common but very dangerous to be imposed upon, and therefore we have need to be jealous over ourselves? When we are bid to try the spirits, it is supposed we must begin with our own, and try them first.
2. We must examine ourselves, “as a malefactor is examined by the magistrate,” that we may find out what wr have done amiss. We are all criminals; that is readily acknowledged by each of us, beciiuse i. is owned to be the fommon character: “All have sinned and come short of the glory of God.” We are all prisoners to the divine justice, from the arrests of which we cannot escape, and to the processes of which we lie obnoxious; being thus in custody, that we may not be judged by the Lord, we are commanded to judge ourselves. We must inquire into the particular crimes we have been guilty of, and their circumstances, that we may discover more sins, and more of the evil of tlicrn, than at first we are aware of: dig into the wall as Ezekiel did, and see the secret abominations of your own hearts; look further, as he did, and you will see more and greater. The heart is deceitful, and has many devices, many evasions to shift convictions; we have therefore need to be very particular and strict in examining them, and to give them that charge which Joshua gave to Achan, when he had him under examination: “Give glory unto the God of Israel, and make a confession unto him; tell me now what thou ha.st done, hide it not from me.”
3. We must examine ourselves, as a copy is examined by the original to find out the errata, that they may be corrected. As Christians, we profess to “be the epistles of Christ,” to have his law and love transcribed into our hearts and lives; but we are concerned to inquire, whether it be a true copy, by comparing ourselves with the gospel of Christ, whether our affections and conversations be conformable to it, and such as becomes it. Plow far do I agree with it, and where are the disagreements? What mistakes are’ there? What blots and what omissions? That what hath been amiss may be pardoned, and what is amiss may be rectified. In this examination faith must read the original, and then let conscience read the copy, and be sure that it read true, because there will shortly be a review.
4, We must examine ourselves as a candidate is examined that stands for preferment. Inquiry is made into his jfitness for the preferment he stands for; we are candidates for heaven, the highest preferment to be to our God kings and priests. We stand for a place at the wedding feast; have we on the wedding garment? Are we made meet for the inheritance? What knowledge have we? What grace? Are we skilled in the mystery we make profession of? What improvement have we made in the school of Christ? What proficiency in divine learning 1 What testimonials have we to produce? Can we show the seal of the Spirit of promise 1 If not, we shall not be welcome.
5. We must examine ourselves, as a wife is examined of her consent to the levying of a fine for the confirming of a covenant. It is a common usage of the law. A covenant is to be ratified between God and our souls in the Lord’s Supper: Do we freely and cheerfully consent to that covenant, not merely through the constraint of natural conscience, but because it is a covenant highly reasonable in itself, and unspeakably advantageous to us? Am I willing to make this surrender of myself unto the Lord? Am I freely willing, not because I cannot help it, but because I cannot better dispose of myself? We must examine ourselves as Joshua examined the people, whether they could choose to serve the Lord or not; and the product of the inquiry must be a fixed resolution, like theirs, “Nay, but we will serve the Lord.”
6. We must examine ourselves, as a way -faring man is examined concerning his business. Our trifling hearts have need to be examined as vagrants, whence they come, whither they go, and what they would have; we are coming to a great ordinance, and are concerned to inquire what is our end in coming? What brings us thither? Is it only custom or company that draws us to this duty? or is it a spiritual appetite to the dainties of heaven? Our hearts »nustbe catechised, as Elijah was, “What dost thou here, Elijah?” That we may give a good account to God of the sincerity of our intentions in our approaches to him, we ought, before we come, to call ourselves to an account concerning them.
More particularly to examine ourselves, is to put serious questions to ourselves, and to our own hearts; and to prosecute them till a full and true answer be given to them. These six questions (among others,) are good for each of us to put to ourselves in our preparation to the Lord’s Supper, both at our admission, and in our after approaches to it: “What am I? What have I done? What am I doing? What ground do I get? What do I want? and what shall I resolve to do?”
f. Inquire, What am I? — It needs no inquiry, but it calls for serious consideration, that I am a reasonable creature, lower than the angels, higher than the brutes, capable of knowing, serving, and glorifying God in this world, and of seeing, and enjoying him in a better. I am made for my Creator, and am accountable to him. God grant I have not such a noble and excellent being in vain 1 Bui here this question has another meaning; all the children of men, by the fall of the first Adam, are become sinners; some of the children of men, by the grace of the second Adam, are become saints: some remain in a state of nature, others are brought into a state of grace: some are sanctified, others unsanctified. This is a distinction which divides all mankind, and which will- last when all other divisions and subdivisions shall be no more: for according to this will the everlasting state be determined. Now, when I ask, what am I? the meaning is, to which of these two do I belong? Am I in the favour of God, or under his wrath and curse? Am I a servant of God, or a slave to the world and the flesh? Look forward and ask, ‘* Whither I am going?” To heaven or hell? If I should die this night (and I am not sure to live till to-morrow,) whither would death bring me? Where would death lodge me? In endless light, or in utter darkness? Am I in the narrow way that leads to life, or in the broad way that leads to destruction? I am called a Christian, but am I a Christiaa indeed? Have t a nature answerable to the name?
It highly concerns us all to be strict and impartial in this inquiry. What will it avail us to deceive ourselves? God cannot be imposed upon, though men may. It is undoubtedly true, if we be not saints on earth, we shall never be saints in heaven. It is not a small thing about which 1 am now persuading thee to inquire; no, it is thy life, thy precious life, the life of thy soul, thine eternal lile, which depends upon it. Multitudes have been deceived in this matter, whose ways seemed right, but the en.d of it proved the ways of death; and alter they had long flattered themselves in their own eyes, they perished at last, with a lie in their right hand. We also are in danger of being deceived, and therefore have need to be jealous over ourselves with a godly jealousy; and being told that many who eat and drink in Christ’s presence, will be disowned and rejected by him in the great day, we have each of us more reason to suspect ourselves than the disciples had, and to ask, “Lord, is it I?”
But it especially concerns us to insist upon this inquiry, when we draw near to God in the Lord’s Supper. It is children’s bread that is there prepared; am I child 1 It’ not, I have no part nor lot in the matter. I am there to aeal a covenant with God; but, ifl never made the covenant, never in sincerity consented to it, I shall put the seal to a blank, nay, to a curse.
Therefore, that I may consider, in some measure, what my spiritual state is, let me seriously inquire.
L What choice have I m.ade? — Have I chosen God’s favour for my felicity and satisfaction, or the pleasures of sense, and the wealth of this world? Since I came to be capable of acting for myself, and discerning betvv’een my right hand and my left, have I made religion my deliberate choice? Have I chosen God for ray portion, Christ for my Master, the Scripture for my rule, holiness for my way, and heaven for my home and everlasting rest? If not, how can I expect to have what I never chose? If my covenant with the world and the flesh (which certainly amounts to a covenant with death, and an agreement with hell,) be still in force, and never yet broken, never yet disannulled, what have I to do to take God’s covenant, and the seal of it into my m.outh? But if I have refused Satan’s offers of the kiii’^dom of this world, and the glory of them, and give the preference to the gospel offer of a kingdom in the other world, and the glory of that, I have reason to bless the L<rd who gave me that counsel, and to hope that he, who hath directed me to choose the way of truth, will enable me to “stick to his testimonies.”
2. What change have I experienced? — When I ask, am I a child of wrath, or a child of love? I must remember that I was by nature a child of wrath. Now, can I witness to a change? Though I cannot exactly tell the time and manner, and the steps of that change, yet “one thing I know, that whereas I was blind, now I see.” Though, in many respects, it is still bad with me, yet, thanks be to God, it is better with mo than it has been. Time was when I minded nothing but sport and pleasure, or nothing but the business of this world, when I never seriously thought of God and Christ, and my soul and another world; but now it is otherwise; now I see a reality in invisible things. I find an alteration in my care and concern; and now 1 ask more solicitously, “What shall I do to be saved V* than ever I asked,” What shall I eat, or what shall I drink, or wherewithal shall I be clothed?” Time was, when this vain and carnal heart of mine had no relish at all of holy ordinances, took no delight in them, called them a task and a weariness. But now it is otherwise; I love to be alone with God, and though I bring little to pass, yet 1 love to be doing in his service. If I have, indeed, experienced such a change as this — if this blessed turn be given to the bent of my soul, grace, free grace, must have the glory of it, and I may take the comfort of it. But if I have not found any such work wrought in my heart, if I am still what I was by nature, vain, and carnal, and careless; if Jordan runs still in the old channel, and was never yet driven back before the ark of the covenant; I have reason to suspect the worst by myself If all go one v.ay without struggle or opposition, it is to be feared it is not the right way. 3. What is the bent of my affections? — The affections are the pulse of the soul. If we would know its state, we must observe how that pulse beats. How do I stand affected to sin? Do I dread it as most dangerous, loathe it as most odious, and complain of it as most grievous ‘? Or do I make a light matter of it,” as the madman that casteth fire-brands, arrows, and death, and saith, am not 1 in sport? Which lies heavier, the burden of sin, or the burden of affliction, and of which am I most desirous to be eased? What think I of Christ? How do I stand affected to him? Do I love him, and prize him as the fairest among ten thousand? Or, hath he in mine eyes no form nor comeliness, and is he no more than another beloved? How do I stand affected to the word and ordinances? Are God’s tabernacles amiable with me, or are they despicable? Am I in God’s service, as in my element, as one that calls it a delight? Or, am I in it as under confinement, and as one that calls it a drudgery? How do I stand affected to good people? Do I love the image of Christy wherever I sec it, though it be in rags, or though not in my own colour? Do I honour them that fear the Lord, and choose his people for my people, in all conditions ‘? Or do I prefer the gaieties of the world before the beauties of holiness? How do I stand affected to this world? Is jt under my feet, where it should be, or in my heart, where Christ should be? Do I value it, and love it, and seek it with a prevailing concern? Or do I look upon it with a holy contempt and indifference? Which have the greater command over me, and which, in my account, have the most powerful and attractive charms; those riches, honours, and pleasures that are worldly, or those that are spiritual and divine? How do I stand affected to the other world? Do I dread eternal misery in a world of spirits, more than the greatest temporal calamities here, in this world of sense? Do I desire eternal happiness in a future state, more than the highest contentments and satisfactions to which this present
state can pretend? Or, are the things of the other world, though sure and near, looked upon as doubtful and distant, and consequently little? By a close prosecution of such inquiries as these, with a charge to conscience, in God’s name, to make a true answer to them, Ave may come to know our ownselves. 4. What is the course and tenor of our conversations? The tree is known by its fruits. Do I work the works of the flesh, or bring forth the fruits of the Spirit? The apostle gives us instances of both. Be not deceived yourselves, neither let any man deceive you: “He that doth righteousness, is righteous.” And the surest mark of uprightness, is, “keeping ourselves from our own iniquity.” Do I allow myself in any known sin, under the cloak of a visible profession? Dare I, upon any provocation, swear or curse, or profane God’s holy name, and therein speak the language of his enemies? Dare I, upon any allurement to please my appetite, or please my company, drink to excess, and sacrifice my reason, honour, and conscience, that base and brutish lust? Dare I defile a living temple of the Holy Ghost by adultery, fornication, uncleanness, or an act of lasciviousness? Dare I tell a lie for my gain or reputation? Dare I go beyond or defraud my brother in any matter, cheat those I deal with, or oppress those I have advantage against? Dare I deny relief to the poor that really need it, when it is in the power of my hand to give it’? Dare I bear malice to any, and study revenge? ]tso, I must know that these are not the spots of God’s children. If this be the life I live, I am certainly a stranger to the life of God. But if, upon search, my own heart tells me that I keep myself pure from these pollutions, and “herein exercise myself, to have rdways a conscience void of offence, both towards God, and towards man;” if I have respect to all God’s coinmandments, and make it my daily care in every lliing to fra’^ie my life according to them, and to keep in t!:e feyr ol God every day, and all the day long, and wherein I find i ain defective, and come short of my duty, I repent of it, and am more watclifal and diligent for the future; I have reason to hope, that though I have not attained, neither am alrea-ly perfect, yet there is a good work begun in me, which shall be performed unto the day of Christ.
Thus we must examine our spiritual state; and, that the trial may come to an issv-e, wo n.ust etrnestly pray to God to discover us unto ourselves, and must be willing to know the truth of our case; and the result nmst be this:
1. If we find cause to fear that our vspiritual state is bad, and that we are yet unsanctified and iniregenerat.e, we must give all diligence to get the matter niended. If our state be not good, yet, thanks be to God, it may be made good: “There is hope in Israel concerning this thing.” Rest not, theretbre, in thy former faint purposes and feeble efforts; but consider more seriously than ever, the concerns of thy soul. Pray more seriously than ever, for the sanctifying grace of God; put forth thyself more vigorously than ever, to improve that grace; resolve more firmly than ever, to live a holy life, and depend more closely than ever, upon the merit and strength of Jesus Christ, and I hope thou wilt sooji experience a blessed change.
2. If we find cause to hope that our spiritual state is good, we must take the comfort of it, and give God the praise, and not hearken to the tempter when he would disturb our peace, and hinder our progress, by calling it ia question. Though we must always abase ourselves, and be jealous over ourselves, yet we must not derogate from the honour of God’s grace, nor deny its work in us, God keeps us all, both from deceiving ourselves with groundless hopes, and from disquieting ourselves with groundless fears.
II. Inquire, What have I done? — We come to the ordinance of the Lord’s Supper, to receive the remission of our sins, according to the tenor of the new covenant. Now, one thing required of us, in order to peace and pardon, is, that we confess our sins. If we do that, “God is fiithful and just to forgive them.” Bat if we cover them, we cannot prosper. Not that we can, by our confession, inform God of any thing he did not know before, as earthly princes ar« informed by the confessions of criminals; but this, we must give glory to God, and take shame to ourselves, and strengthen our own guard against sin for the future. In the confession of sin, it is requisite that we be particular; the high-priest, on the day of atonement, must confess over the scape-goat, “all the iniquities of the children of Israel, and all their transgressions in all their sins,” It is not enouo-h to say, as Saul, “I have sinned;” but we must say, as David, “I have sinned, and done this evil;” as Achan, “I have sinned, and thus and thus have I done.” A broken heart will thereby be more broken, and better prepared to be bound up; a burdened conscience will thereby be eased, as David’s was when he said, “I will confess.” Commonly, the more particular and free we are in confessing our sins to God, the more comfort we have in the sense of the pardon: deceit lies in generals.
It is therefore necessary, in order to a particular confession of sin, that we “search and try our ways;” that we examine our consciences, look over their records, examine the actions of our past life, and seriously call to mind wherein we have offended God in any thing. The putting of this question is spoken of, as the first step towards repentance: “No man repenteth him of his wickedness, saying, what have I done?” For want of this inquiry duly made, when men are called to return, they baffle the call with that careless question, “Wherein shall we return?” Let us therefore set ourselves to look back, and remember our faults this day: it is better to be minded of them now, when the remembrance of them will open us a door of hope, than be minded of them in hell, where sin remembered will aggravate an endless despair.
We ought to be often calling ourselves to an account; in the close of every day, of every week, the day’s work, the week’s work should be reviewed. It is one of the richest of Pythagorus’ golden verses, wherein, though a heathen, he adviseth his pupil, every night before he sleeps, to go over the actions of the day, and revolve them three times in his mind, asking himself seriously these questions: —” Wherein have I transgressed? What have I done? What duty hath been omitted?’’ The oftener it is done, the easier it is done; even reckonings make long friends. But it is especially necessary that it be done before a sacrament: former reflections made, ought then to be repeated, and with a particular exactness we must consider what our ways have been since we were last renewing our covenants wilh God at his table, that we may be humbled for the follies to which we have returned since God spoke peace to us, and may be more particular and steady in our resolutions for the future.
To give some assistance in this inquiry, I shall instance some heads of it. Let the interrogatories be such as these :-^
1. Hov, have I employed my thoughts? — Hath God been in all my thoughts? It is well if he lias been in any. When I awake, am I still with him? Or, am I not still with the world and the flesh? When I should have been contemplating the glory of God, the love of Christ, and the great things of the other world, hath not my heart been with the fool’s eyes in the ends of the earth, “following after lying vanities, and forsaking mine own mercies?” How seldom have I thought seriously, and with any fixedness, on spiritual and divine things? I set myself sometimes to meditate, but I soon break off abruptly, and this treacherous heart starts aside like a broken bow, and nothing that is good is brouorht to any head; but how have vain and vile thoughts lodged within me, gone out and come in with me, lain down and risen up with me, and crowded out good thoughts? Hath not the “imaginations of the thought of my heart” been evil, only evil, and that continuilly?
2. How have I governed my passions? — Have they been kept under the dominion of religion and right reason? Or have they not grown intemperate and heauttroiig, and transgressed due bounds? Have not provocations been loo much resented, and made too deep an impression? Hath not my heart many times been hot within me, too hot, so that its heat hath consumed the peace of my own mind, and the love I owe my brother? Hath not anger rested in my bosom? Have not mahce and uncharitableness, secret enmities and antipathies been harboured there, where love and peace should have reigned and given law?
3. How have I preserved my purity? — Have I possessed my vessel in sanctilication and honour, or am I not conscious to myself of indulging the lust of uncleanness? If, by the grace of God, I have kept my body pure, yet hath not my spirit been defiled by impure thoughts and affections? I have made a covenant with mine eye not to look and lust, but have I made g(^ id that covenant? Have I in no instance transgressed the laws of chastity in my heart, and modesty in my behaviour? Let this inquiry be made with a strict guard upon the soul, lest that which should not be named among Cnristians, be thought of without that just abhorrence and detestation which becometh saints.
4. How have I used my tongue? — It was designed to be my glory, but has it not been my shame? Hath not much corrupt communication proceeded out of my mouth, and little of that which is good, which might either manifest grace, or minister grace? Have not I sometimes spoken unadvisedly, and said that in haste which at leisure I could have wished unsaid 1 Have not I said that, by which God’s great name hath been dishonoured, or my brother’s good name reproached, or my own exposed? If, for every idle word that I speak, I must give account to God, I had best call myself to an account for them, and I shall find innumerable evils compassing me about.
5. IIow have I spent my time? — So long as I have lived in the world, to what purpose have I lived? What improvement have I made of my days for doing or getting good? It is certain I have lost time; have I yet begun to redeem it, and to repair those losses? How many hours have I spent that might have been spent much better? There is a duty which every day requires, but how little of it has been dono in its dav?
6. how have I managed my worldly calling? — Have I therein abode with God, or have I not in many instances of it wandered from him? Have I been just and fair in all my dealings, and spoken the truth from my heart? Or have I not sometimes dealt deceitfully in bargaining, and said that which bordered upon a lie? Hath not fleshly wisdom governed me more than that simplicity and godly sincerity which becomes an Israelite indeed? Have I no wealth got by vanity, no unjust gain, no blot of that kind cleaving to my hand?
7. How have I received my daily food? — Have I never transgressed the law of temperance in meat and drink, and so made my table my snare? Have not God’s good gifts been abused to luxury and sensuality, and the body, which by the sober use of them, should have been fitted, by the excessive use of them, unfitted to serve the soul in the service of God? Have I not eaten to myself, and drunk to myself, when I should have eaten and drunk to the glory of God?
8. How have I done the duty of my particular relations? — The word of God hath expressly taught me my duty as a husband, a wife, a parent, a child, a master, a servant; but have I not in many thinors failed of my duty? Have not I carried myself disrespectfully to my superiors, disdainfully to my inferiors, and disingenuously to my equals? Have I given to each that which is just and right, and rendered to all their dues? Have I been a comfort to my relations, or have I not caused grief?
9. How have I performed my secret worship? Have I been constant to it, morning and evening, or have I not sometimes omitted it, and put it by with some frivolous excuse? Have I been conscientious in it, and done it with an eye to God? Or have I not kept it up merely as a custom, and suffered it to degenerate into a formality? Have I been lively and serious in secret prayer and reading, or have I not rested in the outside of the performance, without any close application and intention of mind in it.
10. How have I laid out what God has given me in the world? — I am but a steward; have I been faithful? Have I honoured the Lord with my substance, and done good with it; or have I wasted and misapplied my Lord’s goods?
Ilatli God had his dues, my family and the poor their dues out of my estate? What should have been consecrated to piety and charity, hath it not been either sinfully spared, or sinfully spent?
11. How have I improved the Lord’s day, and the other helps I have had for my soul? — I enjoy great plenty of the means of grace; have I grown in grace in the use of those means, or have’ I not received the grace of God therein in vain? Have I “called the Sabbath a delight, the holy of the Lord, and honourable;” or have I notsnufied at it, and said, “when will the Sabbath be gone?” How have I profited by sermons and sacraments, and the other advantages of soiemn assemblies? Have I received and retained the good impressions of holy ordinances, or have I not lost them and let them slip?
12. How have I borne my afflictions? — When providence had crossed me, and frowned upon me, what frame have T been in, repining or repenting? Have I submitted to the will of God in my afflictions, and patiently accepted the punishment of my iniquity ‘( Or, have I not stiiven with my Maker, and quarrelled with his disposals? When mine own foolishness hath perverted my way, hath not my heart fretted against the Lord? What good have I gotten to my soul by my afflictions? What inward gain by outward losses ‘I Hath my heart been more humbled and weaned from the world? Or, have I not been hardened under the rod, and trespassed yet more against the Lord?
Many such queries might be instanced, but these may suffice for a specimen. Yet it will not suffice to put these questions to ourselves, but we must diligently observe what return conscience, upon an impartial search, makes to them. We must not do as Pilate did, when he asked our Saviour, What is truth? but would not stay for an answer. No, we must take pains to find out what hath been amiss, and herein must accomplish a diligent search.
And, as far as we find ourselves not guilty, we must own our obligations to the grace of God, and return thanks for that grace, and let the testimony of conscience for us be our rejoicing. “If our hearts condemn us not, then we hare confidence towards God.”
As far as we find ourselves guilty, we must be humbled before God for it, mourn and be in bitterness at the remembrance of it, cry earnestly to God for pardon of it, and be particular in our resolutions, by God’s grace, to sin no more. Pray as Job is taught — “That which I see not teach thou me,” and promise follows there — “Wherein I have done iniquity, I will do so no more.”
III. Ifiquiie, What am I doing? — When w’e have considered what car way hath been, it is time to consider what it is. “Ponder the path of thy feet.”
1. What am I doing in the general course of my conversation? Am I doing any thing for God, lor my soul, for eternity, any thing for the serv-ice of my generation, or am I not standing all the day idle I It is the law of God’s house, as well as of ours, “he that will not labour let him not eat.”
If I find that, according as my capacity and opportunity is through the grace of Christ, I am going on in the way of God’s commandments, this ordinance will be comforting and quicj<;ening to me; but if I give way to spiritual sloth and slumber, and do not mind my business, let this shame me out of it, and humble me for it. How unworthy am I to eat my master’s bread, while I take no care to do my master’s work!
2. What am I doing in this approach to the ordinance of the Lord’s Supper? — I know what is to be done, but am I doing it? Do I apply myself to it in sincerity, and with a single eye, in a right manner, and for right ends? Am I by repentance untloing that which I have done amiss? And am I, by renewing my covenant with God, doing that better, which I have formerly done well? Am I joining my-
,self unto the Lord, with purpose of heart to cleave unto him to the end? It is the preparation of the passover; am I doing the work of that day in its day 1 Am I purging out the old leaven, buying such things as I have need of against the feast, without money and without price? Am T engageing my heart to approach unto God, or am I thinking of something else? Am I slothful in this business, or do I make a busines:? of it?
Here it is good to examine, whether, beside the common and general intenti.^ns of this ordinance, there be not something particular, which I should more especially have in my eye, ill my preparation for it. Do I find my heart at this time more than usually broken for sin, and humbled at the remembrance of it? Let me then set in vigorously with those impressions, and drive that nail. Or, is my heart in a special manner affected with the love of Christ, and enlarged in holy wonder, joy, and praise? Let its outgoings that way be quickened, and those thoughts imprinted deep, and improved.
IV. Inquire, What ground do I get? — If, upon examijiation, there appear some evidences of the truth of grace, I must then examine my growth in grace; for grace, if it be true, will be growing: “That well of water will be springing up, and he that hath clean hands will be stronger and stronger.” There is a spiritual death, or at least some prevailing spiritual disease, where there is not some improvement and progress towards perfection.
By what measures, then, may I try my growth in grace?
1. Do I find my practical judgment more settled and confirmed in its choice of holiness and heaven? If so, it is a sign I am getting forward. We cannot judge of ourselves by the pangs of affection; those may be more sensible and vehement at first’; and their being less so afterwards, ought not to discourage us. The fire may not blaze so high as it did, and yet may burn better and stronger. But do I see more and more reason for my religion? Am I more strongly convinced of its certainty and excellency, so as to be able better than at first, to “give a reason of the hope that is in me?” My first love was able to call religion a comfortable service; was my after light better able to call it a reasonable service? I was extremely surprised, when, at first, “I saw men as trees walking;” but, am I now better satisfied, when I begin to see all things more clearly? Am I, through God’s grace, better rooted? Or am I, through my own folly, still as” a reed shaken with the wind V
2. Do I find my corrupt appetites and passions more manageable? Or, are they still as violent and headstrong as ever? — Doth the house of Saul grow weaker and weaker, and its struggles for the dominion less frequent, and more feeble? If so, it is a good sign, the house of David grows stronger and stronger. Though these Canaanites are in the land, yet do they not make head as they have done, but are under tribute? Then the interests of Israel are getting ground. Do I find that my desires towards those things that are pleasing to sense are not so eager as they have been, but the body is kept more under, and brought into subjection to grace and wisdom, and it is not so hard a thing to me, as it had been sometimes to deny myself? Do 1 find that my resentment of those things which are displeasing to the flesh, are not so deep and keen as they have been? Can I bear afflictions from a righteous God, and provocations from unrighteous men, with more patience, and better composure and command of myself, than I could have done? Am I not so peevish and fretful, and unable to bear an afiVont or disappointment, as sometimes I have been? If so, surely He that hath “begun the good work, is carrying it on.” But, if nothing be done towards the suppressing of these rebels, towards the weeding out of these “roots of bitterness which spring up and trouble us,” though we lament them, yet we do not prevail against them; it is to be feared we stand as a stay, or go back.
3. Do I find the duties of religion more easy and pleasant to me? Or, am I stiil as unskiH’ul and unready in them as ever? Do I go dexterously about a duty, as one that understands it, and is used to it, and as a man that is master of his trade goes on with the business of it? Or, do I go awkwardly about it, as one not versed in it? When God calls, Seek ye my face; do I, like the child Samuel, run to Eli, and terminate my regards in the outside of the service? Or, do I, like the man David, cheerfully answer, “thy face, Lord, will I seek;” and so enter into that within the vail? Though, on the one hand, there is not a greater support to hypocrisy, than a formal customary road of external performances; yet, on the other hand, there is not a surer evidence of sincerity and growth, than an even, constant, steady course of lively devotion, which, by daily use, becomes familiar and easy, and, by the new nature, natural to us. A growing Christian takes this word before him, and sings at it.
4. Do I find my heart more weaned from this present life, and more wdling to exchange it for a better? Or, am I still loath to leave it? Are thoughts of death more plea-
‘^-ii/^r-’i sing to me than they have been, or are they still as terrible as ever? If, through grace, we are got above the fear of death, by reason of which many weak and trembling Christians are all their life time subject to bondage, and can truly say, “we desire to depart and to be with Christ, M’hich is far better,” it is certain we are getting ground, though we have not yet attained it.
5. If upon search, we find that we make no progress in grace and holiness, let the ordinance of the Lord’stSupper be improved for the furthernnce of our growth, and the removal of that, whatever it is, which hinders it; if we find we thrive, though but slowly, and though it is not so well with us as it should be, yet, through grace, it is better with us than it hath been, and that we are not always babes, let us be encouraged to abound so much the more. “Go and prosper, the Lord is with thee, whilst thou art with him.”
V. Inquire, what do I want? — A true sense of our spiritual necessities is required to qualify us for spiritual supplies. The hungry only are tilled with good things. It concerns us, therefore, when we come to an ordinance, which is as a spiritual market, to consider what we have occasion for, that we may know wlsat to lay hold on, and may have an aiisver ready to that question which will be put to us at that banquet of wine, — “What is thy petition, and what is thy request?” Or that which Christ put to the blind man — “What will ye that I shall do unto you?”
‘’ Grace and peace from God the Father, and from our Lord Jesus Christ,” are inclusive of all the blessings we can desire, and have in them enough to supply all our needs. Since, therefore, we must act and receive, that our joy may be lull, it concerns us to inquire what particular grace and comfort we need, that we may, by faith and desire, reach forth towards that in a special manner.
1. What grace do I most want? — Wherein do I find myself most defective, weakest, and most exposed? What corruption do I find working most in me? The grace that 13 opposite to that, I must need. Am I apt to be proud or passionate? Humility and meekness then are the graces I most want. Am I apt to be timorous and distrustful? Faith and hope then are the graces I most want. With what temptations am I most freciuenlly assaulted? Which way doth Satan get most advantage against me, by my constitution, calling, or company? There I must want help from heaven, and strength to double my guard. Am I in danger of being drawn by my outward circumstances to intemperance or deceit, or oppression or dissimulation? Then sobriety, justice, and sincerity are the graces I most want. What is the nature of the duties I am mostly called out to, and employed in 1 Are they such as oblige me to stoop to that which is mean? Then self-denial is the grace I most want. Are they such as oblige me to struggle with that which is diflicult and discouraging? Then courage and wisdom are the graces I most want. Whatever our wants are, there are promises in the new covenant adapted to them, which in this ordinance, we must, in a particular manner, apply to ourselves, and claim the beneht of, and receive as sealed to us. If we cannot bethink ourselves of particular promises suited to our case, yet there is enough in the general ones: “I will put my Spirit within you, and cause you to walk in my statutes.” “I will put my law in your hearts,” “and my fear,” and many such like. And we know who hath said, “My grace is sufficient for thee.”
2. What comfort do I most want? — What is the burden that lies most heavy? I must seek for support under that burden. What is the grief that is most grieving? I must seek for a balance to that grief The guilt of sin is oft disquieting to me; O for the comfort of a sealed pardon! The power of corruption is very discouraging; O for the comfort of victorious grace! I am often tossed with doubts and fears about my spiritual state, as if the Lord had “utterly separated me from his people, and I were a dry tree.” O for the comfort of clear and unclouded evidences! I am sometimes tempted to say, “the Lord hath forsaken me, my God hath forgotten me.” O that he would seal to my soul that precious promise, “I will never leave thee nor forsake thee!“• But my greatest trouble arises from the sense of my own weakness, and tendency to backslide; and I am sometimes ready to make that desperate conclusion,” I shall one day perish by the hand of Saul.” O that I may have the comfort of that promise, “I will put mv fear in their hearts that they will not de- 9*”
part from me.” There is, in the covenant of grace, a salve for every sore, a remedy for every malady, comforts suited to every distress and sorrow; but that we may have the benefit of them, it is requisite that we “know every one his own sore, and his own grief,” that we may spread it before the Lord, and may apply to ourselves that relief which is proper for it, and “from the fulness which is in Jesus Christ, may receive, and grace for grace,” grace for all occasions.
Here it may be of use to take cognizance even of our outward condition, and inquire into the cares and burdens, the crosses and necessities of that; for even against those There is comfort provided in the new covenant, and administered in this ordinance, “Godliness hath the promise of the life that now is.” When Christ was inviting his disciples to come and dine with him, he asked them first, ‘’ Children have ye any meat.” Christ’s inquiry into our affairs, directs us to make known before him in particular, the trouble of them. Let every care be cast upon the Lord in this ordinance, lodged in his hands, and left with him; and let our own spirits be eased of it, by the application of that general word of comfort to this particular case, whatever it is, “He careth for you.” What is the concern I am most thoughtful about, relating to myself, my family, cr friends? Let that way be committed to the Lord, and to his wise and gracious conduct and disposal; and then let my thoughts concerning it be established. What is the complaint I make most feelingly? Is it of a sickly body, disagreeable relations, a declining estate, the removal of those by death that were very dear? Whatever it is, spread it before the Lord, as Hezekiah did Rabshakek’s letter, and allow no complaint that is not fit to be spread before him. When God came to renew his covenant with Abraham, and to tell him that he was his shield, and his exceeding great reward, Abraham presently puts in a remonstrance of his grievance: “Behold, to me thou hast given no seed.” Hannah did so, when she came up to worship. And we also must bring with us such a particular sense of our afflictions, as will enable us to receive and fLpp’y the comforts here offered to us, and no more. Holy David observed how his house was with God, and that it was not made to grow, when he was taking the comfort of this, that however it were, “God hath made with him an everlasting covenant.”
VI. Inquire, what shall I resolve to do? — This question is equivalent to that of Paul, “Lord what wilt thou have me to do?” We come to this ordinance solemnly to engage ourselves against all sin, and to all duty; and therefore it is good to consider what that sin is which we should particularly covenant against, and what that duty to which we should most expressly oblige ourselves. Though the general covenant suffice to bind conscience, yet a particular article will be of use to mind conscience, and to make the general engagement the more effectual. It is good to be particular in our pious resolutions, as well as in our penitent retlections.
For our assistance herein let us inquire,
1. Wherein have we hitherto missed it most? — Where we have found ourselves most assaulted by the subtlety of the tempter, and most exposed by our own weakness, there we should strengthen our defence and double our guard. What is the sin that hath most easily beset me? the well circumstanced sin? that is it which 1 must more particularly resolve against in the strength of the grace of God. What is the duty I have most neglected, have been most backward to, and most careless in? To that I must most solemnly bind my soul with this bond.
2. Wherein we may have the best opportunity of glorifying God? — What can I do in my place for the service of God’s honour, and the interests of his kingdom among men? “The liberal deviseth liberal things,” and so the pious deviseth pious things, that he may both engage and excite himself to those liberal pious things, in and by this ordinance. What is the talent I am intrusted with the improvement of? My Lord’s goods I am made steward of. What is it that is expected from one in my capacity? What fruit is looked for from me? That is it that I must especially have an eye to in my covenants with God; to that I must bind my soul; for that I must fetch in help from heaven, that, having sworn, I may perform it.