The Influence of Companionship
“I feel that I shall stand
Henceforward in thy shadow. Nevermore
Alone upon the threshold of my door
Of individual life I shall command
The uses of my soul, nor lift my hand
Serenely in the sunshine as before.”
Elizabeth Barrett Browning.
The power of life over life is something almost startling. There have been single looks of an eye which have changed a destiny. There have been meetings of only a moment, which have left impressions for life, for eternity. No one of us can understand that mysterious thing we call influence. We read of our blessed Lord that virtue went out of him and healed the timid woman who came behind him in the crowd and touched the hem of his garment; again, when the throng surged about him and sought to touch him, that virtue went out of him and healed them all. Of course there never was another such life as Christ’s; yet out of every one of us continually virtue goes, either to heal, to bless, to leave marks of beauty; or to wound, to hurt, to poison, to stain other lives.
We are forever either adding to the world’s health, happiness, and good, or to its pain, sorrow, and curse. Every moment’s true living, every victory we win over self or sin, every fragment of sweet life we live, makes it easier for others to be brave and true and sweet. We are always giving out influence.
“Where’er a noble deed is wrought,
Whene’er is spoken a noble thought,
Our hearts in glad surprise
To higher levels rise.
The tidal wave of deeper souls
Into our inmost being rolls,
And lifts us unawares
Out of all meaner cares.”
Thus it is that companionship always leaves its impress. Eye cannot even look into eye, in one deep, earnest gaze, but a touch has been left on the soul. An artist of distinguished rank would not permit himself to look at any but good pictures. He said the mere seeing of inferior paintings hurt the tone of his own conceptions. If this be true, how we should guard our hearts and minds against the receiving of any impression that is not refining and elevating. The reading of a book that is unworthy, the indulgence in thoughts or imaginations that are unwholesome, the admitting into the life even for a little time of a companionship that is not what it should be, cannot but lower the tone of the life.
A man well past middle life said, that in sensitive youth another young man drew him aside and furtively showed him a vile picture. He looked at it just for one moment and then turned away. But a spot had been burned upon his soul. The memory of that glance he had never been able to wash out. It had come back to him along all the forty years he had lived since, even breaking in upon him in his most sacred moments, and staining his most hallowed thoughts. We do not know what we are taking into our life when we admit into companionship, even for one hour, one who is not good, nor pure, nor true. Then, who can estimate the debasing influence of such companionship when continued until it becomes intimacy, friendship; when confidences are exchanged, when soul touches soul, when life flows into and blends with life?
When one awakes to the consciousness of the fact that he has formed or is forming a companionship with another whose influence cannot but hurt him and may perhaps destroy him, there is only one true thing to do, — it must instantly be given up. A rabbit’s foot was caught in the hunter’s steel trap. The little creature seemed to know that unless it could get free, its life must soon be lost. So with a bravery which we cannot but admire, it gnawed off its leg with its own teeth, thus setting itself free, though leaving its foot in the trap. But who will say that it was not wiser thus to escape death, even with the loss of its foot, than it would have been to keep the foot and die?
If any one discovers that he is in the snare of evil companionship or friendship, whatever it cost him, he should tear himself away from it. Better enter into pure, noble, and worthy life, with one hand or one foot, or with both hands and feet cut away, than to save these members and be dragged down to eternal death. Young people should beware of the beginnings of evil companionship. It is like the machinery in the mill, which, when it once seizes the outermost fringe of one’s garments, quickly winds in the whole garment and whirls the person’s body to swift and terrible death.
But a good and true character has also its influence. Good companionship has only blessings and benediction for a life. There have been mere chance meetings just for a moment, as when ships speak at sea, and pass each on its course, never to meet again, which yet have left blessings whose influence shall never perish. There was an old legend about the origin of the pearl. It was said that a star dropped out of the sky into the sea, and being folded in a shell, became a pearl.
“There was a star Which out of the height of heaven fell,
And was lost, ah me!
The beautiful star fell into the sea,
And falling, was folded into a shell;
And the beautiful star became a pearl
In the sea.”
So it is with the influence of good lives. Words, thoughts, songs, kindly deeds, the power of example, the inspiration of noble things, drop out of the heaven of pure friendship into the depths of the heart, and, falling, are folded there and become beautiful gems and holy adornments
in the life.
* ‘There was a smile Which out of her eyes blue heaven fell
As the sunbeams dart. The beautiful smile fell into my heart, And, falling, was folded in love’s sweet shell, And the beautiful smile became a song
In my heart.”
Even brief moments of worthy companionship leave their mark of blessing. Then, who can tell the power of a close and long-continued friendship, running through many happy years, sharing the deepest experiences, heart and heart knit together, life and life woven as it were into one web? There is a little poem by a gentle writer which asks, “What is the best a friend can be?” and answers it. A friend is not only shelter, comfort, rest, refreshment, a guide, but also an atmosphere warm with all kindly inspirations of pure life which has no taint of death.
“Our friend is an unconscious part Of every true beat of our heart; A strength, a growth, whence we derive God’s health, that keeps the world alive. Can friend lose friend? Believe it not. The tissue whereof life is wrought, Weaving the separate into one, Nor end hath, nor beginning; spun From subtle threads of destiny, Finer than thought of man can see. God takes not back his gifts divine; While thy soul lives, thy friend is thine.”
This is not sentimental exaggeration. Life indeed flows into life in true sympathetic union, and the two blend as the fragrance of the flowers blends with the air into which it is diffused. And ever after, each life carries something of the other in its very fibre and tissue, something ineradicable. No one of us is ever altogether the same again when we have had a friend or even an intimate companion for a time.
“What entered into thee,
That was, is, and shall be.”
Our friends are also our ideals. At least in every beautiful friend’s life we see some little glimpse of life “as it is in heaven,” a little fragment of the beauty of the Lord, which becomes part of the glory into which we should fashion our life. When we truly love a friend we unconsciously reach toward what he is and grow into or toward his likeness. Thus a father and mother are ideals to their child who copies their life, their speech, their faults as well as their virtues. The same is true in all friendships and close companionships. If these be not good, the influence can be only hurtful and evil.
There is a wonderful restraining and constraining power over us in the life of one we love. We dare not do wrong in the sacred presence of a pure, gentle friend. Every one knows how unworthy he feels when he comes, with the consciousness and recollection of some sin or some meanness, into the companionship of one he honors as a friend. It is a kind of “Jesuspresence” that our friend is to us, in which we dare not do evil things. Thus one writes of the hallowing influence of a friend’s pure presence: —
“Each soul whispers to herself: ‘Twere like a breach Of reverence in a temple, could I dare Here speak untruth, here wrong my inmost thought. Here I grow strong and pure; here I may yield Without shamefacedness the little brought From out my poorer life, and stand revealed And glad, and trusting, and in the sweet and rare And tender presence which hath filled the air.”
George Eliot, too, puts a like thought thus: “There are natures in which, if they love us, we are conscious of having a sort of baptism and consecration. They bind us over to rectitude and purity by their pure belief about us; and our sins become the worst kind of sacrilege which tears down the invisible altar of trust.” Another says, “A friend has many functions. He comes as the brightener into our life, to double our joys and halve our griefs. He comes as the counsellor, to give a wisdom to our plans. He comes as the strengthened to multiply our opportunities and be hands and feet for us in our absence. But above all use like this he comes as our rebuker, to explain our failures and shame us from our lowness; as our purifier, our uplifter, our ideal, whose life to us is a constant challenge in our heart — ‘Friend, come up higher, higher along with me; that you and I may be those truest true lovers who are nearest to God when nearest to each other.’”
Even when they leave us in death the influence of our friends and companions abides upon us, like an afterglow when day is done. The memory of their purity is a gentle restraint upon us when we would sin. Many a mother is more to her children when she is in heaven than she was when with them on the earth. Whether they ever see us — those sainted ones in glory — we know not, but there is an influence ever in the sacred thought of them above us which inspires us to noble things. One exhorts: —” Whether near or far, On earth or in yon star,
Their dwelling be,
So live that naught of dread
Would make us bow the head
Should we be told, ‘The dead
Can all things see.’”
Thus the influence of companionship projects even far beyond the earthly story of those who touch and impress our lives. Indeed, we can never get away from it, and can never be as though we had not experienced it.
If these things are true — and no one can doubt their truth — this matter of companionship is one of vital importance. Especially is it important for young people to give most watchful thought and care to the choosing of their associates and friends. Of course, they cannot choose those with whom they shall mingle in a general way, at school, or in work or business. One is compelled ofttimes to sit or stand day after day beside those who are not good or worthy.
The law of Christian love requires that in all such cases the utmost courtesy and kindness shall be shown. But this may be done and the
THE INFLUENCE OF COMPANIONSHIP. 2$>J
heart not be opened to real companionship. It is companionship that leaves its mark on the life, that is, the entering into relations in which the spirits blend. Jesus himself showed love to all men, but he took into companionship only a few chosen ones. We are to be like him, seeking to be a blessing to all, but receiving into personal relations of affection and confidence only those who are worthy and whose lives will help in the upbuilding of our own life.