The Duties of Children to Their Parents
u Children, obey your parents in the Lord; for this is right. Honor thy father and mother; which is the first commandment with promise; that it may be well with thee, and that thou mayest live long on the earth.”
Ephes. vi. 1, 2, 3.
M My son, keep thy father’s commandment, and forsake not the law of thy mother; bind them continually upon thine heart, and tie them about thy neck. When thou goest it. shall lead thee; when thou sleepest it shall keep thee; and when thou awakest it shall talk with thee.”
Proverbs vi. 20-22.
“The father of the righteous shall greatly rejoice; and he that begetteth a wise child shall have joy of him. Thy father and thy mother shall be glad, and she that bare thee shall rejoice.” Proverbs xxiii. 24, 25.
Perhaps there is no duty, the obligation of which are more generally acknowledged, than filial piety; none which in the performance yields greater pleasure, or which, if neglected, brings a more severe or righteous retribution. All nations, however sunk in barbarism or elevated by science, have admitted the strength and justice of parental claims, and the unhappy youth who resists them, stands convicted, condemned and reprobated before the tribunal of the world. On the other hand, an eminently dutiful child is an object of delight, admiration and esteem, to all who have an opportunity of witnessing his conduct; lie goes through society surrounded by a glory purer than that of fame, and far more conducive to his own comfort; he is a blessing to his parents, and is blessed himself. Children, may all of you be such: and for that purpose, I ask your most fixed attention to the statement of your duties,
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as set before you in this chapter. The obligations of social life are reciprocal. If your parents owe to you all that I have enjoined upon them, how much do you owe to your parents? I have been your advocate with them, I now become theirs with you.
Consider well the relation you sustain to your parents. There is a natural connexion between you, inasmuch as they are the instruments of your very existence; a circumstance which of itself seems to invest them, as I have already said, with an almost absolute authority over you. The commonness, the universality of the tie, takes off the mind from contemplating its closeness, its tenderness, its sanctity. You are literally parts of themselves, and cannot dwell for a moment upon your descent, without being struck, one should think, with the amazing and solemn weight of obligation that rests upon you towards a father and a mother. But consider, there is not only a natural, but in reference to duty, an instituted connexion between you; Jehovah himself has interposed, and uniting the language of revelation with the dictates of reason, the force of authority, to the impulse of nature, has called you to filial piety, not only as a matter of feeling, but of principle. Study then the relationship, look narrowly and seriously at the connexion subsisting between you. Weigh well the import of the word parent: think how much is implied in it towards its appropriate object, how many offices it contains in itself, — guardian, ruler, teacher, guide, benefactor, provider; what then must be the obligations OF A CHILD?
The following is a brief summary of filial duties:
1. You ought to love your parents.
Love is the only state of mind from which all the other duties that you owe them can arise. By love, we mean complacency: and surely this is due to a father and mother. The very relation in which you stand to them demands this. If you are destitute of this, if you are without any propensity of heart towards them, you are in a strange and guilty state of mind. Till you are married, they ought, in most eases, to be the supreme objects of your earthly affections. It is not enough for you to be respectful and obedient, and even kind; but, where there exists no reasons for alienating your heart, you should be fond of them. It is of infinite importance that you should watch over the internal state of your mind, and not suffer dislike, alienation, or indifference, to extinguish your regards. Do not take up a prejudice against them, nor allow an unfavorable impression to be made upon your mind. Respect and obedience, if they do not spring from love, are valueless in their nature, and very precarious in their existence.
If you love them, you will delight to be in their company, and take pleasure in being at home with them. It is painful to them to see that you are happier any where than at home, and fonder of any other society than theirs. No companion should be so valued by you as a kind father or mother.
If you love them, you will strive in all things to please them. We are always anxious to please those whom we regard, and to avoid whatever would give them pain. If we are careless whether we please or displease any one, it is obviously impossible that we can have any affection for them. The essence of piety towards God is a deep solicitude to please him; and the essence of filial piety, is a solicitude to please your parents. Young people, dwell upon this single, simple thought: a child’s pleasure
SHOULD BE TO PLEASE HIS PARENTS. This is the
essence of love, and the sum of all your duty. If you would adopt this rule, if you would write this upon your heart, if you would make this the standard of your conduct, I might lay down my pen, for it includes every thing in itself. 0 that you could be brought to reason and to resolve thus: —” I am
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bound by every tie of God and man, of reason and revelation, of honor and gratitude, to do all I can to make my parents happy, by doing whatever will give them pleasure, and by avoiding whatever will give them pain. By God’s help, I will from this hour study and do whatever will promote their comfort. I will make my will to consist in doing theirs, and my earthly happiness to arise from making them happy. I will sacrifice my own predilections, and be satisfied with their choice.” Noble resolution, and just and proper! Adopt it, act upon it, and you will never repent of it. Do not have any earthly happiness, that is indulged at the expense of theirs.
If you love them, you will desire their good opinion. We naturally value the esteem of those to whom we are attached: we wish to be thought highly of by them; and if we are quite careless about their respect for us, it is a sure sign we have no regard for them. Children should be desirous, and even anxious to stand high in the opinion of their parents; and nothing can be a more decisive proof of a bad disposition in a son or a daughter, than their being quite indifferent what their parents think of them. All love must be gone in such a case as this, and the youth is in the road to rebellion and destruction *: commendation has lost its value, censure its efficacy, and punishment its power.
2. Reverence is the next duty.
“Honor,” saith the commandment, “thy father and mother.” This reverence has respect to your feelings, your words, and your actions. It consists in part, of an inward consciousness of their superiority, and an endeavor to cherish a reverential frame of mind towards them, as placed by God over you. There must be high thoughts of their superiority, both natural and instituted, and a submission of the heart to their authority, in a way of sincere and profound respect, Even your love must be that which is exercised and expressed towards a superior. If there be no reverence of the heart, it cannot be expected in the conduct. In all virtue, whether it be that higher kind which has respect to God, or that secondary kind, which relates to our fellow creatures, we must have a right state of heart; for without this, virtue does not exist.
Your words should correspond with the reverential feelings of the heart. When speaking to them, your address, both in language and in tones, should be modest, submissive, and respectful: not loud, boisterous, impertinent, or even familiar: for they are not your equals, but your superiors. If at any time you differ from them in opinion, your views should be expressed, not with the flippancy and pertinaciousness of disputants, but with the meek inquisitiveness of pupils. Should they reprove, and even more sharply than you think is due, you must lay your hand upon your mouth, and neither answer them again, nor show resentment. Your reverence for them should be so great, as to impose a considerable restraint upon your speech in their company; for much is due to the presence of a parent. It is exceedingly offensive to hear a pert, clamorous, talkative young person, unchecked by the countenance of a father or mother, and engaging much of the conversation of a party to himself. Young persons should always be modest and retiring in company, but more especially when their parents are there. You should also be careful about the manner of speaking of them to others. You should never talk of their faults, for this is like Ham’s uncovering the nakedness of his father. You must not speak of them in a jocose or familiar manner, nor say any thing that would lead others to think lightly, or to suppose that you thought lightly of them. If they are attacked in their reputation, you are with promptitude and firmness, though with meekness, to defend them, so far as truth will allow, and even if the charge
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be true, to make all the excuses that veracity will permit, and to protest against the cruelty of degrading your parents in your presence.
Reverence should extend to all your behavior towards your parents. In all your conduct towards them, give them the greatest honor; let it be observed by others that you pay them all possible respect, and let it also be seen by themselves, when there is no spectator near. Your conduct should always be under restraint, when they are within sight; not the restraint of dread, but of esteem. How would you act if the king were in the room r Would you be as free, as familiar, as noisy, as when he had retired, or before he had entered? I am of opinion, that parents let down their dignity, and undermine their authority, by allowing the same rude and boisterous behavior in their presence, as in their absence. This should not be. When reason is expanding in children, they should be made to understand and feel the truth of what I have already affirmed, that there is an outward respect due to the very presence of a parent. All rude and noisy rushing in and out of a father or mother’s company is unmeet. It is the etiquette of our court, that no one shall enter the royal presence, when the king is upon his throne, without obeisance; nor in retiring, turn his back upon the throne. I do not ask for the same obsequiousness in families, but I ask for the principle from which it arises, a respectful deference for authority.
3. The next duty is obedience.
“Children obey your parents,” says the apostle in his epistle to the Colossians. This is one of the most obvious dictates of nature; even the irrational creatures are obedient by instinct, and follow the signs of the parent beast, or bird, or reptile. Perhaps there is no duty more generally acknowledged than this. Your obedience should begin early: the younger you are, the more you need a guide and a ruler. It should be universal: “Children obey your parents,” said the apostle, “in all things.” The only exception to this, is when their commands are, in the letter or spirit of them, opposed to the commands of God. In this case, as well as in every other, we must obey God, rather than man. But even here your refusal to comply with the sinful injunction of a parent, must be uttered in a meek and respectful manner, so that it shall be manifest you are actuated by pure, conscientious motives, and not by a mere rebellious resistance of parental authority. Your obedience should have no other exception than that which is made by conscience: in your situation, inclination and taste are out of the question; both must be crossed, opposed, and set aside when opposed to parental authority. It should be prompt. As soon as the command is uttered, it should be complied with. It is a disgrace to any child that it should be necessary for a father or a mother to repeat a command. You should even anticipate, if possible, their injunctions, and not wait till their will is announced in words. A tardy obedience loses all its glory. It should be cheerful. A reluctant virtue is no virtue at all. Constrained and unwilling obedience, is rebellion in principle; it is vice clothed in the garment of holiness. God loveth a cheerful giver, and so does man. A child retiring from a parent’s presence, muttering, sullen and murmuring, is one of the ugliest spectacles in creation: of what value is any thing he does, in such a temper as this? It should be self-denying. You must give up your own wills, and sacrifice your own predilections, and perform the things that are dimcult, as well as those that are easy. When a soldier receives a command, although he may be at home in comfort, and he is required to go at once into the field of danger, he hesitates not, he considers he has no option. A child has no more room for the gratification of self will than the soldier has; he must
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obey. It should be uniform. Filial obedience is generally rendered without much difficulty when the parents are present, but not always with the same unreservedness, when they are absent. Young people, you should despise the meanness, and abhor the wickedness, of consulting the wishes, and obeying the injunctions of your parents, only when they are to witness your conduct. Such hypocrisy is detestable. Act upon nobler principles. Let it be enough for you to know what is the will of a parent, to ensure obedience, even though continents laid, and oceans rolled between you and your father. Carry his injunction with you every where; let the voice of conscience be to you, instead of his voice, and the consciousness that God sees you, be enough to insure your immediate compliance. How sublimely simple and striking was the reply of the child, who, upon being pressed in company to take something which his absent parents had forbidden him to touch, and who. upon being reminded that they were not there to witness him, replied, u very true, but God and my conscience are here.” Be it your determination, to imitate this beautiful example of filial piety, and obey in all things even your absent parents.
4. Submission to the family discipline and rule is no less your duty than obedience to commands.
In every well ordered family, there is a rule of government; there is subordination, system, discipline, reward and punishment; and to these, all the children must be in subjection. Submission requires, that if at any time you have behaved so as to render parental chastisement necessary, you should take it patiently, and not be infuriated by passion, or excited to resistance. Remember that your parents are commanded by God to correct your faults, that they are actuated by love in performing this self-denying duty, and that it costs them more pain to inflict it, than it does you to endure it. Ingenuously confess your faults, and submit to whatever punishment their authority and wisdom might appoint. One of the loveliest sights in the domestic economy, next to that of a uniformly obedient child, is a disobedient one brought to a right sense of his misconduct, and quietly submitting to the penalty he has incurred. It is a proof both of strength of mind and of good disposition of heart, to say, “I have done wrong, and it is meet I should bear chastisement.”
In the case of elder children, such, for instance as are fourteen and upwards, all other correction than that of rebuke and the expression by language of parental displeasure, is of course out of the question; but where this is necessary, such young persons as have merited it, should exercise profound submission. It is exceedingly painful when a parent in addition to the extreme pain which it costs him to administer reproof to such children, has to endure the anguish produced by their utter indifference, smiling contempt, sullen murmuring, or insolent replies. This conduct is the more guilty, because the authors of it are arrived at an age when they may be supposed to have advanced so far in the growth of their understanding, as to perceive how deeply laid are the foundations of the parental authority in nature, reason and revelation, and how necessary it is that the reins of parental discipline should not be relaxed. If then, you have committed one error in deserving reproof, do not commit another in resenting it. Keep all still within, let not your passions rebel against your judgment, but suppress in a moment the rising tumult of the soul. The conduct of some children after reproof, is a deeper wound on the heart of a parent, than that which preceded and deserved the reproof. On the other hand, I know not a greater mark of nobleness of mind, nor any thing which tends to raise a youno- 14 55
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person higher in the esteem of a parent, or to endear him more to a father’s heart, than a humble submission to reproof, and an ingenuous confession of his fault. A friend of mine had a son, long since gone to join the immortals, who having one day displeased his father before his younger brothers and sisters, not only meekly submitted to paternal rebuke, but when the family were assembled at the dinner table, rose before them all, and after having confessed his fault and craved his father’s forgiveness, admonished the junior branches of the family, to take warning by his example, and be cautious never to distress their parents, whom they were under such obligations to love and respect. Nothing could be more lovely or more impressive, than this noble act. He rose, by his apology, to a higher place in the regard and esteem of his parents and the family, than he occupied even before his fault. Sullenness, impertinence, and obstinate resistance, are meanness, cowardice, littleness, compared with such an action as this, which combines an heroic magnanimity with the profoundest humility.
Subjection requires also, a due observance of the rules laid down for the maintenance of family order. In every wrell ordered family, things are not left to chance, but regulated by fixed laws; there is a time for every thing and every thing in its time; a place for every thing and every thing in its place. Meals, prayer, going to bed and rising in the morning, are all in their appointed season. To these rules it is the obvious duty of every branch of the family to submit. The sons and daughters may be growing up or arrived at full age; this matters not, they must submit to the law of the house, and their age is an additional reason for their submission, as it supposes a maturity of judgment, which enables them to perceive more clearly the grounds of all moral obligation. They may think the rules too strict; but if the parent has enacted them, they should be in subjection, and that, as long as they continue members of the little community, though it be almost to old age. It is for the parents to decide also, what visitors shall be brought to the house; and it is in the highest degree unbecoming, for a child to introduce or even wish or attempt to introduce, any companion contrary to the known will of a parent. The same remark will apply to recreations; parents must determine this point, and no child that has the proper feelings of a child, would desire to set up any amusements that the taste, and especially that the conscience of a father or mother forbids. Instances have occurred of young people inviting such friends and joining with them in such diversions, in the absence of their parents, as they know to be decidedly contrary to the law of the house. This is such an act of base and wicked rebellion against parental authority, and such an unprincipled disregard to parental comfort, as language is too weak to characterise.. Even the books which are brought into the house must be in accordance with the domestic rule. If the parent forbid the introduction of novels, romances or any other books, a child in most cases should forego his own predilections and yield to an authority which he cannot resist without opposing the institute of nature and religion.
5. It is the duty of children to consult their
PARENTS.
They are the guides of your youth; your natural counsellors; the family oracle, which you are ever to consult, and the responses of which are to be received with pious reverence. Even if you have just reason to suspect the solidity and penetration of their judgment, it is due to the relation in which you stand to them, to undertake nothing without laying the matter before them, and obtaining their opinion. How much more ready should you be to do this, where you have every reason to confide in
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their wisdom. You are young and inexperienced; the path of life, is in a considerable degree untrodden by you, and contingencies are perpetually arising, which you have yet acquired no experience to understand, and to turn to account. They have travelled the road, and know its turnings, its dangers, and its difficulties. Go to your parents, then, with every affair; consult them on the subject of companions, books, recreations. Let a father’s and a mother’s ear be the receptacle of all your cares. Have no secrets which you conceal from them. Especially consult with them on the subjects of trade and marriage. On the former, you perhaps need their pecuniary assistance, and how can you expect this if you take not their advice, as to the best way of employing their property. As to marriage, I need not repeat at any length what I have already said on this subject. The scripture has furnished us with many fine instances of the deference paid in patriarchal times, by children to their parents. Isaac and Jacob both appear to have left the selection of their wives to their parents. Ruth, though a daughter-in-law, was willing to be guided entirely by Naomi. Ishmael asked his mother’s advice; and Sampson moved for his parents’ consent. The simplicity of that age has departed, and in the advance of society, more of the power of selection now vests in the children; but it should not be exercised independently of parental advice. An old divine said thus to his sons: — “When you are youths, choose your callings, when men, choose your wives, only take me along with you; it may be, old men see farther than you.” Another ancient writer has this remark; — u It may be considered, that parents, who brought forth and bred up their children, should by no means be bereft of them, without their consent; and since they are so much their goods and possessions, it were a kind of purloining to give themselves away without their parents’ leave. And on this subject, a heathen may teach many who profess to be christians; for Cyrus, on being invited to form a connexion with a particular individual, replied, “I like the lady, her dowry, and family, but I must have these agree with my parents’ will, and then I will marry her.”
6. Imitate the good example of your parents.
I say their good example, for if they unhappily set you a bad one, it is at the peril of your soul that you follow it. It was a noble answer which Frederick IV. Elector Palatine of the Rhine, returned to the prince, who advised him to follow the example of his father Lewis: — “In the business of religion we must follow the example of parents and ancestors, only so far as they are agreeable to the will of God.” Marcus Aurelius Antoninus, when he came to the throne of Imperial Rome, publicly expressed his determination not to follow the usual conduct of the Caesars, but to act as a disciple of the pious Antonine, and to act, and speak, and think, as his foster father did. Survey the conduct of your parents; let their failings be thrown back in shadow, their excellencies brought out in full relief. Where they are truly pious, be followers of their religious character. You bear the likeness of their bodies, receive also the impress of their minds. Seek to catch the family feature of their piety. A wicked child, of godly parents, is the most awful character upon earth. With what horror do I look upon such an one! That he should swear who was taught to pray! That he should violate the Sabbath, who was led up, from his infantine days, to the house of God! That he should despise religion, who has ever seen its beautiful form, in the example of a godly father, and a pious mother! That he should be a friend of profane and unclean persons, who from a child has been the companion of saints! Shocking spectacle! But even where there may be no actual irreligion, there is oftentimes a want of true religion: and this also, is distressing. What an aggravation is it to
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the sin of being without piety, to have lived all the earlier part of life, with an example of true godliness before our eyes! This is a dreadful and actual resistance of the most alluring means which heaven ever employs for the conversion of a sinner. It is a resolute determination to neglect and forget religion, in spite of an interesting and powerful memorial of it constantly before our eyes. What a meeting will such children have with their parents at the last day!
7. The last duty I shall mention, is kindness.
This should extend through the whole of your deportment, but there are several cases in which it will have a more enlarged opportunity for displaying its beauty, and exerting its energy.
When parents are greatly inferior in talents and acquirements, it is a fine occasion for the exercise of filial piety. We know instances in which the father and mother are lamentably deficient, not only in information, but in judgment: their weakness is manifest to all, and cannot be concealed from their family; by whom, indeed, the sad effects of their imbecility, are daily felt and deplored. Here then is an opportunity for a display of noble and exalted kindness, on the part of children. Young people, if you are placed in such circumstances, endeavor constantly to remember, that notwithstanding all their weakness, they are your parents still, and hold a parent’s claim. Never, never taunt them with their defects, for this is cruelty in the extreme; but on the contrary, strive to the uttermost to prevent them from suffering any painful consciousness of their inferiority. Do not laugh at their mistakes, nor ever suffer yourselves so to expose or to correct them, as to wound their feelings. If they are obstinate, yield to them; if irritable, bear with them: and when they shew their incapacity for governing with wisdom, instead of snatching the sceptre from their hand, insensibly assist them to wield it with greater propriety. It is a beautiful sight, to behold a fine, intelligent, strong minded son or daughter, straining every nerve, and employing every faculty, to endure and conceal the faults of such a parent, and to throw an air of respectability over one, that has no respectability of his own.
u There is often, especially in the middle classes of life, as great a difference of mental culture in the parents and the child, as if they had lived at the distance of many centuries. The wealth that has been acquired by patient industry, or some fortunate adventure, may be employed in diffusing all the refinements of science and literature to the children of those to whom the very words, science and literature, are words of which they would scarcely be able, even with the help of a dictionary, to understand the meaning. In a rank of life still lower, there are not wanting many meritorious individuals, who, uninstructed themselves, labor indefatigably to obtain the means of liberal instruction for one, whose wisdom in after years, where he is to astonish the village, may gratify at once their ambition and love. It would indeed, be painful to think, that any one, whose superiority of knowledge has cost his parents so much fatigue, and so many privations of comforts, which, but for the expense of the means of his acquired superiority, they might have enjoyed, should turn against them, in his own mind, the acquirements which were to them of so costly a purchase, despising them for the very ignorance which gave greater merit to their sacrifice, and proud of a wisdom far less noble, when it can thus feel contempt, than the humble ignorance which it despises.”
Kindness will show itself in generous attention to poor parents. In the revolutions of this world, and by the vicissitudes of human affairs, many children have left their parents behind them in the humble vale of poverty; and some have lost their filial piety
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in the ascent. Few more shocking scenes can be presented to a feeling mind, than a rich son or daughter ashamed of, and unkind to, his poor father or mother. Such wretches deserve the fate of the proud monarch of Babylon, and would have no more than their desert if they were driven from the company of men to herd with beasts, to which they are more allied in disposition than to human beings. How beautiful a scene, the very opposite of that which I have just considered, was exhibited in the palace of Pharaoh, when Joseph, then the prime minister of the state, led in a poor old shepherd to the presence of the king, and before all the lords of the Egyptian court, introduced the decrepid and care worn pilgrim as his father. Who, after looking at this, will ever be ashamed of a parent because he is clad in the garb of poverty. What a halo of glory did that one act draw round the honored brow of Joseph: the lustre of the golden chain that hung from his neck was dim compared with the brightness of this action, and the chariot in which he rode with almost imperial pomp before the people, raised him not to so high an eminence, as that which he occupied, when he stood before the monarch with the patriarch of Canaan leaning on his arm. Never be ashamed of your parents then, because of their poverty.
Let your kindness operate in the way of affording them all things necessary for their comfort. The author of the iEneid has denominated his hero the pious j32neas, because of the heroic manner in which he bore his decrepid father from the flames of Troy. Two inhabitants of Sicily obtained a celebrity in antient story for their kindness to their aged parents in earring them upon their shoulders from an irruption of Mount Etna.
We have another instance of modern times. Mr. Robert Tillotson went up to London on a visit to his son, then Dean of Canterbury, and being in the dress of a plain countryman was insulted by one of the Dean’s servants for inquiring if John Tillotson was at home. His person however, being described to the Dean, he immediately exclaimed, “It is my worthy father;” and running down to the door to receive him, he fell down upon his knees, in the presence of his servants, to ask his father’s blessing.
And how has the poet, the historian and the painter, loved to exhibit that beautiful picture of filial piety, first given by Pliny, of a daughter, who, when her mother was condemned to be starved to death, obtained leave from the keeper to visit the prison daily, and there nourished her parent from her own breast. A similar occurrence took place afterwards, in which a daughter nourished her father in the same manner; the action was considered so striking, that it obtained the honorable appellation of The Roman charity. The senate decreed that the father should be restored to his child, and that on the spot where the prison stood, a temple should be erected to Filial Piety.
There are however few instances of more touching kindness to parents, than that mentioned by Mr. Bruce in his Juvenile Anecdotes.
“An officer, having remained some time at Kingston, in Surrey, for the purpose of raising recruits, received orders to join his regiment. On the evening before his departure, a Young Man of the most engaging aspect made his appearance, and desired to be enlisted into his company. His air at once indicated a well cultivated mind, and commanded respect.
“He betrayed, however, evident marks of perturbation, and was greatly embarrassed; the officer asked the cause of it: c I tremble,’ said he, ’ lest you should deny my request.’ Whilst he was speaking, the tears rolled down his cheeks. ‘No,’ answered the officer, c I accept your offer most heartily; but why should you imagine a refusal?’ £ Because the
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bounty which I expect may perhaps be too high.’ 4 How much then do you demand?’ said the officer. 4 It is no unworthy motive, but an urgent claim that compels me to ask ten guineas; and I shall be the most miserable of mankind if you refuse me.’ 4 Ten guineas!’ said the officer, 4 that indeed is very high; but I am pleased with you: I trust to your honor for the discharge of your duty, and will strike the bargain at once. Here are ten guineas; to-morrow we depart.’
44 The young man, overwhelmed with joy, begged permission to return home, to perform a sacred duty, and promised to be back within an hour. The officer, impressed by the honesty of his countenance, yielded to his desire; but observing something mysterious in his manner, he was induced, by curiosity, to follow him at some distance. He saw him hastening towards the town prison, where he knocked and was admitted. The officer quickened his pace: and when he came to the door of the prison, he overheard the young man say to the jailor: 4 Here is the money for which my father is imprisoned; I put it into your hands, and I request you will conduct me to him immediately that I may release him from his misery.’ The jailor did as he requested.
44 The officer delayed a few minutes, that the young man might have an opportunity of being alone with his father; he then followed him. What a scene! he saw the son in the arms of a venerable and aged father, who, without uttering a word, pressed him to his heart, and bedewed him with tears. A few minutes passed before he observed the officer, who, deeply affected, approached them, and said to the old man, — 4 Compose yourself; I will not deprive you of so worthy a son. Permit me to restore him to you, that I may not regret the money which he has employed in so virtuous a manner.’
44The father and son fell upon their knees at his feet. The young man refused, at first, to accept of his proffered freedom; but the worthy officer insisted that he should remain with his father. He accompanied them both from the prison, and took his leave with the pleasing reflection of having contributed to the happiness of a worthy son and an unfortunate father.”
What mind is not enamored, what heart is not affected, by such touching instances of filial kindness? And what child is not ready to exclaim, “0 my father, my mother, I will share with you my last crust, and feel at once, both honored and happy, to return upon you in your old age, the kindness you bestowed upon me in my youth, childhood and infancy.”
Kindness will manifest itself by affectionate attention and tender sympathy, in their sickness. I do not know where in all our world, to find a lovelier, holier, sweeter scene, than that of a pious and affectionate daughter, devoting her time, and strength, and inventive assiduities to the comfort of a mother or a father, confined for years to the room and the bed of sickness. Such children I have known, and ineffably admired; who at an age when there is usually a taste and capacity for the pleasures of society, have abstracted themselves from all company, to be the constant, and almost sole companion of that dear sufferer, to alleviate whose sorrows was their only hpppiness. Scarcely have they permitted themselves to walk abroad and enjoy the scenes of nature, even to recruit their wasting strength and prepare for fresh activities in the sick chamber, lest in their absence a pang should be felt which none could so well mitigate as they, or a want endured which they could best supply. I knew one such, who, had a sick father lived much longer, would have preceded him to the grave, and died a martyr to filial piety. Nothing could ever tempt her away from his side by day, and not often did a night pass without her stealing quietly to his chamber door,
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at which, unconscious of the frost which was assailing her delicate frame, she stood listening to ascertain if all was still, not daring to enter, lest she should disturb that slumber which perhaps he was enjoying. I remember in another case, visiting a cottage, in which a sick man lay dying, who had been long ill; his wife was ministering to his comfort, and in one corner of the room, there was a girl of twelve years of age busily employed at her needle. On my asking how they were supported in their affliction, the mother replied, “principally, sirT by that child’s work; she is up every morning at four o’clock, and is diligently employed till late at night; she cheerfully bears all this labor, and gives its produce to sustain us.” Young people, read and ponder these interesting details, and imitate these beautiful examples. Put forth all your tenderness, shrink from no self-denial, endure, not only without murmuring, but with cheerfulness, any sacrifices to comfort a sick parent. Aspire to the character of being a ministering angel to a father or mother. Let them see that you account it no hardship, but a felicity to wait upon them. It is in your power to alleviate or aggravate to an inconceivable degree their sufferings, according as you are kind or unkind. Covet the testimony which many a one has received, when the sufferer has said with tears in her eyes, “that dear child is my companion, my friend, my nurse, and all my earthly delight.” 0 what is the concord of sweet sounds at the concert, what the gay and glittering attractions of the ball room, what the dazzling scenes of the theatre, or to come to more lawful enjoyments, what the exhilaration of the public meeting, compared with the consciousness of having smoothed the bed of sickness, and alleviated the sufferings of disease, for an afflicted parent. If the conscience of any that shall read these pages shall reproach them for neglect; if they know that they have heard their parents mildly reprove them for their want of sympathy, let them consider what must be the anguish of those parents’ hearts, who have to say in the bitterness of their soul, to their own children, “Is it nothing to you, all ye that pass by, come see if there was ever sorrow like unto my sorrow,” and who, disappointed in the hope of tenderness from their own offspring, turn for help to their neighbors; and taking up the piteous complaint of Job, say, “Pity me, pity me, 0 my friends, for the hand of God hath touched me.” Unfeeling youth, your neglect will one day find you out, and at some future time may be, perhaps, returned upon you, by the cruel conduct of your own children.
Kindness will often be put to a severe test, by the bad temper or the stern and tyrannical government of parents. It is difficult, I know, to be kind to those who are unkind to us: but it is our duty in all cases, much more to a parent. Nothing must allow you to be otherwise than the dutiful, affectionate child. No ebullitions of passion, no manifestation of unreasonable discontent, no caprice, no unmerited reproach on their part, should throw you off your guard. It may be sometimes necessary to remonstrate, but never can be proper to return railing for railing. Kindness may do more, in such circumstances, to soften and remove the evil, than angry resistance; — “A soft answer turneth away wrath.”
“Lovely as virtue is,” says Dr. Brown, a in all its forms, there is no form in which it is more lovely, than in this tender ministry of offices of kindness; where the kindness, perhaps, is scarcely felt, or considered less as kindness, than as the duty which might have been fairly demanded, and which there is ho merit, therefore, in having paid. Though we have often the gratification of seeing, in the progress of life, many beautiful examples of age, that is not more venerable for its past virtues, than amiable, with a lasting and still increasing gentle-THE FAMILY MONITOR: ORness, which softens the veneration indeed, but augments it even while it softens it, it is not always that the last years of life present to us this delightful aspect; and when the temper is, in these last years, unfortunately clouded, — when there is no smile of kindness in the faded eye, that grows bright again for moments, only when there is fretfulness in the heart, — when the voice that is feeble, only in the utterance of grateful regard, is still sometimes loud with tones of a very different expression, — the kindness, which, in its unremitting attention, never shows by a word or look, the sadness that is felt on these undeserved reproaches, and that regards them only as proofs of a weakness that requires still more to be comforted, is a kindness which virtue alone can inspire and animate, but which, in the bosom that is capable of it, virtue must already have well rewarded. How delightful is the spectacle, when amid all the temptations of youth and beauty, we witness some gentle heart, that gives to the couch of the feeble, and perhaps, of the thankless and repining, those hours which others find too short for the successive gaieties with which an evening can be filled, and that prefers to the smile of universal admiration, the single smile of enjoyment, which, after many vain efforts, has at last been kindled on one solitary cheek!”
Another circumstance remains to be mentioned, which will render it extremely difficult, sometimes, to be at once obedient to God, and to your parents; difficult to manifest all the kindness which they may expect, and at the same time, to regard the dictates of conscience; 1 mean, where the children are pious, and the parents are still in an unconverted state. This is no uncommon case, and always a trying one wherever it occurs. Those who are placed in such a situation, need much wisdom and much grace to conduct themselves with propriety, so as to give no unnecessary pain to their parents, and yet at the same time, to maintain their consistency as christians. To young persons in such circumstances, I say, let there be deep and unaffected humility, no spiritual pride, no apparent consciousness of moral superiority, no saying, “stand by, 1 am holier than thou;” nothing approaching in the most distant manner to contempt of your parents, on account of their state. When it is necessary, as it sometimes may be, to oppose their wishes, and refuse their requests, because they interfere with your duty to God, let your dissent not assume the shape of disobedience to them, let it be expressed in a mild and respectful manner, and be made obviously to appear to be the result of conscientious motives, and not of caprice, or any want of right feeling towards them. In all other things, in which religion is not concerned, let there be additional effort and ingenuity to please them, so that they may have nothing against you, but as touching the law of your God. It may be sometimes necessary for you to express the solicitude which you ought always to feel for their spiritual welfare; you must then be careful to avoid the appearance of dictation, lecturing, and reproach, and address yourselves to them in a humble and prudent manner. You should put suitable books in their way, and if they are not in the habit of hearing the gospel preached, you may invite them to hear the joyful sound. With all this, you must take especial pains, that your own religion may be consistent and practical; visible in all your conduct, and more particularly conspicuous, in the kind, and tender, and dutiful manner, in which you discharge your obligations to them.
Such is a compendium of filial duties. Let children read them, study them, sincerely desire to perform them, and pray to Almighty God for the grace that is in Christ Jesus, to assist them in discharging their obligations.
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Many and cogent motives may be brought forward to enforce the performance of these duties.
Observe the manner in which they are enjoined in scripture. Perhaps there are few branches of moral obligation, more frequently alluded to, or more variously enjoined, than that of filial piety. The lives of the patriarchs from the beginning of the world, are so drawn up, as to exhibit and recommend this virtue. It is commanded in one of the precepts of the moral law. By the Mosaic law, stubborn disobedience to parental authority, was punished with death. The book of Proverbs contains almost innumerable apothegms on this subject. The prophets very frequently allude to it; and Jeremiah, in the history of the Rechabites, has preserved a very extraordinary instance of hereditary filial obedience, perpetuated through a period, which in the time of that prophet, had lasted three centuries, and which was rewarded by the following testimony and promise of the Lord: — “Thus saith Jehovah of Hosts, the God of Israel; because ye have obeyed the commandment of Jonadab, your father, and kept all his precepts, and done according to all that he hath commanded you; therefore, thus saith Jehovah of Hosts, the God of Israel; Jonadab, the son of Rechab, shall not want a man to stand before me for ever.” If we come forward to the New Testament, we find it again and again brought into view. We see it embodied and enforced in the example of Christ; of whom it is said, Jesus went down and was subject unto his parents. Yes, in the matchless constellation of perfect moral excellencies that formed his character, and are presented for our admiration and imitation, one bright and beauteous star is filial piety. Fix, young people, your eye upon that star, so mildly beaming, and so radiantly shining, as an example for you. That wonderful personage, God manifest in the flesh, was subject, we have reason to believe, to his parents, till at the age of thirty, he entered upon his public ministry; and those parents, he it remembered, were a poor but pious couple, who earned their daily bread by the sweat of their brow. With them he dwelt in their humble abode, and labored, in all probability, for their support. And even amidst the agonies of the cross, neither his own personal sufferings, nor the sublime and glorious scenes connected with the redemption of a world, abstracted his thoughts and solicitude from the mother of his human nature; and even then did filial piety shine forth, a bright speck still visible upon the orb of glory, which was rising upon the world. The apostles enforced it by various commendations. “Children, obey your parents,” says Paul in one place, ujor it is right;” a thing not obligatory merely because it is commanded, but commanded because it is right f not a mere positive institute, but wholly moral; a duty enjoined not only by revelation, but by reason; one of the first lessons taught by nature to a rational creature. So right and proper is it, that all nations, ancient and modern, civilized and savage, admit its obligations. In another place, it is declared to be “well pleasing unto the Lord.” It is that in which he delights, because it is the very disposition towards himself which he requires. And then, in his catalogues of dark deeds, and horrid dispositions, and atrocious characters, the apostle places disobedience to parents. The loud, strong voice of revelation is lifted to proclaim over the surface of the globe, “Children obey your parents, and honor your father and mother; for this is well pleasing to the Lord;” while the voice of nature echoes back the command, “Children obey your parents, for this is right.”
A child of any degree of generosity will be influenced to obey his parents, by a consideration of their comfort.
The earthly happiness of a father and a mother, depends far more upon the conduct of their children,
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than upon any thing else. Their trade may prosper, their wealth accumulate; they may dwell amidst every kind of luxury and splendor, in the most beautiful spot which creation can present, yet an undutiful child may, by his disobedience and unkindness, throw a dark and chilling shadow over all, and envelope every thing in gloom. On the other hand, affectionate and obedient children supply the lack of riches, soften the weight of care, sweeten the cup of affliction, and shed a pleasing light over what would be otherwise a dark and dreary scene of human wo. Children have their parents’ happiness in their keeping. They stand at the fountains of our earthly destiny, and send into our dwelling the waters of bitterness or of sweetness, as their conduct towards us shall be dutiful or unkind. They cannot know, till experience shall teach them, the trembling and exquisite sensitiveness of our hearts, and how slight a puncture draws the life’s blood of our peace. So true is it, as was said by the wise man, that u a foolish son is the heaviness of his mother,” aye, and of his father too; he is a spot on their character; a blast upon their hopes: a nuisance to their family; and a thorn in their hearts.
Nearly connected with this, as another motive, is gratitude. No child can know, till he becomes a parent himself, what he owes to his parents; and not then till he has added all the cares, and toils, and anxieties which are excited by the child, the boy, the youth, the man, in addition to those which are awakened by the infant of days. Parental solicitude, is of course produced by the first sight of the child; but the infancy of the babe, is but the infancy of our solicitude, which grows with his growth, and strengthens with his strength. Children are ever contracting obligations from the first moment of their existence. What owes not the babe to his mother, for that watchfulness, and labor, and anxiety, which scarcely rest by day or sleep by night. Other animals, though nourished by their parents, are taught many things by instinct; but man, the most helpless of all creatures, must learn every thing from his parents, in the first stage of his existence. Let any one calculate, if he can, the hours of labor, sleeplessness, and anxiety; the tears, the tremblings, the alarms which one weakly infant costs a mother, before he leaves her arms, and stands erect upon his feet in his own strength. My young friends, had your mother remitted her care for one single hour, or ceased but for a short season, her vigilant inspection, you might have been consumed in your cradle, or have been now a cripple or an ideot. How many months rolled by, before you could wash away a speck of defilement from your frame, help yourself to medicine, or to food, express in articulate language a single want, put on a garment, or defend yourself against an enemy so feeble as a wasp. What then are your obligations to the woman who did all this for you, and delighted to do it? I cannot follow you through the successive stages of your existence, at each of which you were accumulating fresh obligations to both father and mother, for education, with all its advantages; for instruction in trade, and that capacity you now possess for attaining to respectability in life; but above all for that ceaseless, and manifest, and earnest solicitude for your eternal happiness, by which you have had the road to glory, honor, and immortality opened to your view, and have been admonished to walk in it! 0, sum up, if you can, your obligations to your parents; but you cannot. And can you resist this motive to obedience? What, has gratitude perished in your soul, till its very root has died in the soil of your depraved nature? Yes; it must be so, if you are unkind to your parents: you stand proved before the universe, to have nothing of a child, but the name and the mere fleshy relation, which you possess in common with the tiger, or the serpent, or
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the toad, but you have not the feelings of a child; you are a kind of monstrous production, out of the course of nature, and like all such productions, fill the mind with loathing and horror. Few there are, I hope, that will read these pages, to whom such an expostulation is applicable; on the contrary, many, I believe, will experience as they proceed, the generous emotions of gratitude swelling higher and higher in their bosom, till, with a burst of virtuous feeling, they exclaim, u Accept, my parents, of the surrender, which a sense of my obligation to you compels me to make, of my whole future life, to the promotion of your comfort.”
Interest pleads with children for their dutiful behavior to their parents.
An undutiful child cannot be a. happy one. Peace must leave the breast with filial piety, whenever it departs; and uneasiness and misery, and occasional shame and remorse, enter to dwell in the wretched bosom; while the affectionate and dutiful child has a perpetual feast within. And mark the language of the apostle. “Honor thy father and mother; which is the first commandment with promise; that it may he well with thee, and that thou mayest live long on the earth.1’’ This is an allusion, it is true, to the temporal promises of the Sinai Covenant, and perhaps to the law which doomed the disobedient son to be judicially cut off from the people. But still, as repeated by a New Testament writer, it must, to a certain extent, be in force still. Dr. D wight has the following remarks on this passage which deserve consideration.” In conversing with the plain people of this country, distinguished for their good sense, and careful observation of facts, I have found them, to a great extent, firmly persuaded of the verification of this promise in our own times; and ready to produce a variety of proofs from cases, in which they have seen the blessing realized.
Their opinion is mine, and with their experience my own has coincided.
“Indeed no small measure of prosperity seems ordinarily interwoven with a course of filial piety. The comfort which it insures to parents, the harmony which it produces in the family, the peace which it yields in the conscience, are all essential ingredients of happiness. To these it adds the approbation of every beholder, the possession of a fair and lasting reputation, the confidence and goodwill of every worthy man, and of consequence an opportunity of easily gaining those useful employments which good men have to give. Beyond this it naturally associates itself with temperance, moderation, and sobriety, which furnish a solid foundation for health and long life. In my own apprehension, however, these are not all its blessings. I do not say that miracles are wrought for its reward. Neither will I say that purer gales breathe to preserve its health; nor that softer suns arise, or more timely rains descend to mature its harvests; nor that more propitious winds blow, to waft its ships home in safety. But I will say, that on the tide of Providence multiplied blessings are borne into its possession, at seasons when they are unexpected, in ways unforeseen, and by means unprovided by its own forecast, which are often of high importance; which, altogether, constitute a rich proportion of prosperity; and which, usually, are not found by persons of the contrary character. At the same time, those who act well as children, almost of course, act well as men and women; and thus have taken, without design, the scion of happiness from the parental stock, and grafted it upon other stems, which bear fruit abundantly to themselves. Here, in the language of Dr. Watts,
£ It revives, and bears,
‘A train of blessings for their heirs.”
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If motives so forcible and tender as these, have no effect, nothing is left me to do, but to remind the children of disobedience, of that day of judgment, which God hath appointed to judge the world in righteousness, by Jesus Christ, and to give to every one according to the things done in the body whether they are good or bad. “In that most awful season, when the wicked shall see the judge sit above them, angry and severe, inexorable and terrible; under them an intolerable hell; within them their consciences clamorous and diseased; icithout them, all the world on fire; on the right hand, those men glorified, whom they persecuted and despised; on the left hand the devils accusing;” then shall it be found that the severest sentence of the Almighty, and the bitterest dregs of the vials of his wrath, will be poured out on the disobedient and ungodly child of those parents who trained him up in the nurture of the Lord.*