Building Again the Home Nest
Edded life should always
be happy. That is the ideal.
Love should reach its holiest and best in the marriage
relation. There St. Paul’s
VJ vision of love should be realized: “Love suff ereth long, and is kind; love envieth not; love vaunteth not itself, is not puffed up, doth not behave itself unseemly, seeketh not its own, is not provoked, taketh not account of evil; rejoiceth not in unrighteousness, but rejoiceth with the truth; beareth all things, believeth all things, hopeth all things, endureth all things.” Marriage, in its full beauty and blessedness, is not something one can come into in a day. Like all holy friendships, it must be a growth. President King says, speaking of personal association in friendship:” He who would grow into larger and richer friendship must recog-
€le dDiate ‘Beautiful
nize first of all that, if his friend is in truth worthy of such a friendshrp as he seeks, the great way is by personal association. One cannot grab up and hurry off with the fine fruits of friendship. No friendship that counts for much with either men or God can become one’s own without the giving of time, of thought, of attention, of honest response.” Marriage, as the highest and best of all friendships, is no exception. It takes time for even the truest and wisest lovers to be fully, wholly married. Then there must be constant, patient, thoughtful culture. Something new must be discovered every day by each in each. The possibilities of happiness in marriage are simply infinite.
Phillips Brooks’ picture of growth in friendship through personal association finds its most perfect realization in marriage:” Surely there is no more beautiful sight to see in all this world — full as it is of beautiful adjustments and mutual ministrations — than the growth of two friends’ natures who, as they grow old together, are always fathoming with [92]
IsmlDing again tle iome 0m
newer needs deeper depths of each other’s life, and opening richer veins of one another’s helpfulness. And this best culture of personal friendship is taken up and made in its infinite completion the gospel method of the progressive saving of the soul by Christ.” Such words give us a glimpse of the possibilities of marriage, what it may attain to, what every wedded pair should strive to realize in their own case. But there are marriages which do not reach such an ideal. Young people entering marriage must remember that a sweet and happy home is not necessarily the sequel to a brilliant wedding. It does not come as a matter of course after vows, wedding ring, benediction and congratulations. A happy wedded life must be made by the parties themselves. No one, not even God, can make it for them. A beautiful house with luxurious furniture and appointments does not guarantee it. Love is the essential element, but love, holy and tender as it may be, needs cultivation. Then wedded love requires infinite care that it be [93] not marred, that its sweetness be not disturbed. It is a heavenly plant which earth’s frosts may hurt or earth’s droughts may wither.
Sometimes the home nest gets ruffled. Something goes wrong and there is unhappiness instead of happiness. It ought never to be so. Wedded life ought to be so true, so constant, so patient, so unselfish, that nothing could ever mar its happiness. Wedded love ought to be equal to any sacrifice that may be required of it, and no sacrifice is too great to be made that the home gladness be not broken.
The following letter was sent by a friend to one home into which trouble had come. The young husband and wife had been married for several years. They were both Christians. Two little children had come into their home, bringing joy and gladness. They had been very happy until recently. Then something had happened which caused misunderstanding. No matter which was to blame, but the difference was not settled in Christ’s way, and [94 1
-Butiuing again t)t f ome Bm
the trouble grew until it became very serious. Then a friend sought to save the home, and the two were brought together. The letter was sent to the wife. It was received so gratefully and proved so welcome and so helpful in restoring the happiness of the home that, with very slight changes, it is given here in the hope that it may help to build again some other home nest, or help in saving happiness that is in danger of being destroyed:
“My dear Friend:
“You do not begin to understand my loving interest in you and your husband, and my desire for the complete restoration of the happiness of your home. It must not be possible for you two dear lovers to fall apart. Nothing really serious has happened to mar your fellowship. You have not understood each other quite perfectly — that is all — and you have not had quite patience enough with each other, so things have gone wrong a little, and your relations have become a bit tangled. But it is going to be all right now. You will 195] not let anything so small do you both and your home such harm.
“Longfellow tells of going out one morning, after a heavy night storm, and walking through his garden. Under a tree he saw a birds’ nest lying on the ground. He pitied the birds, and stood there thinking sadly of their misfortune. But while he was musing in his sad mood, he heard a chattering overhead, and, looking up, saw the little birds busy building their nest again. They were not defeated nor greatly discouraged by the disaster.
“That is what I am sure you and your husband are doing already. The storm came and swept your nest to the ground. Yesterday it seemed to you that it could not be restored. But now you have taken time to think, and are bravely building the nest again. And it is going to be more beautiful, and fuller of love, joy and song, than ever it has been before.
“It may not seem very easy to save your
home after all that has happened, but no mat-BuilDfng again tle iome 0m
ter what it costs, it will be a thousand times worth doing. Love is the sweetest thing in the world, but love is not easy. It means much self-denial, much forgetting of one’s own wishes, much restraining of one’s own impulses, much curbing and checking of one’s own feelings. St. Paul tells us that * love suffereth long, and is kind;... doth not behave itself unseemly, seeketh not its own, is not provoked, taketh not account of evil;... beareth all things, believeth all things, hopeth all things, endureth all things.’ It is not easy to love in this way. It takes the grace of God in our hearts to enable us to love after this fashion.
“You and your husband love each other. You have not forgotten the lover days. When you were first married, your love was deep and tender. Somehow you have not always been happy since. Little things have come in to make you unhapp^ some days. But your love is really true and strong as ever. It would break your hearts to be separated. All you want is to get this love into the common [97]
Clje (Bate I3eaut<ful
relations of jour lives. You have not quite learned yet how to deny yourselves and give up for each other.
“A few years ago a happy young wife told me this story She had been married about a year. She was recovering from typhoid fever, and I was talking with her. She picked up from a table a little illuminated card, bearing the words, ‘What would Jesus do? ’ and said, ‘I want to tell you about this card, for it saved my marriage and my home.’ Then she gave me this story: ‘When my husband and I were married we were both hasty in temper and speech. We had many a little tiff before our wedding, and the first evening we had quite a serious quarrel, which, however, was soon over, like all our differences. When we had come into our new home, we had a disagreement one day at luncheon. My husband left the table in anger, and went out without kissing me good-by, and I came up to my room to cry. After a time of tears, I got up and my eye fell on this card. I had never noticed the words before, but now the ques- [98]
BuilDing again tie !^ome ilessttion spoke right to my heart and demanded an answer, “What would Jesus do?” I began to think and to try to answer. What would Jesus really do? He surely would not do as I am doing — be so impatient and irritable, so easily vexed, so hasty and exacting. I fell on my knees and fought the battle out. I settled it there and then that I would never again have any angry words with my husband, that I would be patient, loving and sweet in spirit and in speech. “’ * I rose from my knees, washed away the tears, dressed for dinner, and when my husband came home, I met him at the door in a most loving way. After dinner I brought him upstairs and showed him this card, telling him the whole story of what I had done. He saw that he, too, had been hasty, quick in temper, sharp in speech, willful and impatient. We knelt together and told Christ all about our mistakes, asking his forgiveness, and promising never again to repeat the mistakes.’ “‘The lesson never has been forgotten by these two lovers. They are among the hap- [99]
Cle eate QBeautiful
plest young people in the circle where they belong. The little card has indeed saved their marriage and their home.
“I have told you this little story in the belief that it will help you. You are a Christian. To be a Christian means that you will do what Christ would do if he were in your place. Perhaps 3’ou have not always thought of this, and sometimes have been hasty and impatient. Love does not demand everything of the other person, but it does demand everything of itself. It ’ seeketh not its own.’ It ’ beareth all things.’
“There are wondrous possibilities in your married life. You two dear young people may be the happiest in the city, and your home may become the sweetest, happiest home in all the community. All you need in order to realize these possibilities is love worked out in thought, in word, in act, in disposition. Do not blame each other when things go awry — blame, each, yourself. Never allow yourself to be vexed or hurt, at least to show it, no matter how much you think you have been [ 100 1
■BuilDfng again tle iomc ilet
wronged, or how unjustly 3’ou think you have been treated. Love each other as Christ loves you. Repay unkindness with kindness. If you think you have been unfairly treated, or unkindly, be especially kind in return. That is the way to pay back an evil thing done to you.
“God bless you. I believe that a year from now you will tell me you have had the happiest year you ever have had; that the nest which the storm tore down has been built again, and is more beautiful than ever it was before.
“Faithfully your friend.”
f
Tdtoih, cv 0iotlitv
‘When school is out,’ she said, ‘once more I’ll rest My tired head upon my mother’s breast. And feel her tender cheek against it pressed, And there, at last, I shall find perfect rest.’”
“We sigh for the tou/:h of a vanished hand. And we think ourselves sincere; But what of the friends that about us stand, And the touch of the hand that’s here?”