The “I Will” of Disposal

John xxi. 22

“Jesus saith unto him, If I will that he tarry till I come, what is that to thee? follow thou me.”

Peter’s discipleship involved his education!

Jesus was not only the Master whom he was to follow, but the One also by whom he was to be taught. On many different occasions we find him thus being instructed in the school of Christ. On one occasion he will make human affection thrust itself forward, so as to come in conflict with the Divine will; and he receives the severest reproof which was ever inflicted upon any of the apostolic band; our Lord said to him, Gfet thee behind me, Satan: thou art an offence unto me: for thou savorest not the things that be of God, but those that be of men Matt. xvi. 23. On another occasion he will go beyond his faith; and his Master shews him what was in him, rescuing him indeed from a watery grave, but saying, 0 thou of little faith, wherefore didst thou doubt Matt. xiv. 31. On farther in his career, when he draws the sword, and will rescue with a temporal blade the spiritual king, he is taught forbearance, and the mind of Jesus towards man, by the healing of Malchus” ear; for Jesus came to be wounded and not to wound, “to give His life a ransom for many.’’ Then again, our Lord, first by word of caution — and when that was unheeded, and disastrous results ensued, then by a piercing look, taught him — the vaunting and self-confident one — that distrust of self, which is in the Christian character no element of weakness, but rather of amazing strength. And now, here, at the very end of Jesus’ earthly career, we find Him teaching still. If I will that he tarry till I come what is that to thee contains at once a sharp rebuke, and instructive lessons for the apostle; and for us as well as him.

What some at least of these lessons are Ave shall now proceed to consider; they will be found of no small value in our daily spiritual life.

And first of all, we see here, how Christ is the sovereign disposer of His disciples.

In Peter and John we have represented to us the three great parts of the church’s work, viz., loorkmg suffering., and ivatehing and our Lord here distributes to every man severally as Hev/ill. Jesus is the Captain of our salvation, therefore He has the right to dispose of us, His soldiers, in the line of battle, as He will. He is the Shepherd of the sheep, therefore He has a right to appoint to each one of the flock where it is to feed. He is the Master of the house, therefore He has a right to appoint every man his work, and to command the porter to watch. (Mark xiii. 34.)

Now, it is an important question; do we recognise this disposing j)Ower in Christ? And having recognized itj do we willingly yield ourselves to it? Do we say to Him, Just do with me as Thou wilt 0 my Lord; I am absolutely at Thy command.’^ Are we ready to let Him change unchallenged His dispensations towards us? upset our plans — spread before us a new and unexj)ected path — take into account only the thoughts of His mind and not those of ours at all? Is there not sometimes in us, a little of the spirit of Ananias and Sapphira; we will vow all and yet give but part? Christ has often to teach His disciples the completeness of His disposing power; and never can they have perfect peace in all that may betide them in life until they have said in truth;

Do with me as Thou wilt.^” But we shall meet by and by with more of this subjugation of the will.

We are further taught here that we are not to trouble ourselves about the arrangements of our Lord,

NoW; when we do not act upon this princi23le; a serious stumbling block is very often put in our way; our attempts to unravel what is too comj)licated for uS; lead us into perj)lexity and doubt; we vex our spirits needlessly about what is really no afhiir of ours.

And this not leaving all in the hands of the Lord; will frequently lead us to sinful complainings about our own lot. Forgetful that our duty is simj)ly to stand in the spot where our Lord puts uS; and to move in the orbit which He has appointed to us; we vex ourselves as to why we are put there; and why we were not put somewhere else; and perhaps we begin to think; Can’t we change our sphere, we see one that will suit us much better?’ we must needs order the pillar and the cloud, instead of simply following wherever they lead. If the Lord wills this, or that, it is no affair of ours; our duty is to let Him arrange, unquestioned, all that He would have us do or he. A questioning spirit is always a troubled one; God “giveth not account of any of His matters Job xxxiii. 13. And there is no reason why He should help us out of our trouble, by yielding to our infirmity. Hay, rather must we overcome the infirmity, bringing our minds, by His grace, into unquestioning obedience to His mind, our only words being these.

Speak, Lord, for Thy servant heareth.’’ The centurion says to one of his soldiers, Go, and he goeth, and to another, come, and he cometh; and to his servant, do this, and he doeth it Matt. viii. 9. Shall we, soldiers and se-rvants of the great Captain, and the great Lord, do less than those who yielded unquestioning obedience to an earthly chief?

And shall we not be then most happy, when we just leave everything simply in our Lord’s hands? When we leave all arrangements with the One who knows what bearing circumstances have the one upon another; who can control, overrule, appoint, and dove-tail all things, so that they may turn out most for His own glory, and therefore best for us? Let us for a moment picture to ourselves the frightful consequences of the effectual entrance of some great disturbing body into the planetary system; the universe itself would feel the shock; but what would this be, compared with the successful intrusion of man’s will into the complicated arrangements of the will of God? Then would arise confusion indeed; and out of that confusion we should emerge a mere shattered wreck, our will would have proved our ruin, the perdition both of body and soul.

Alas! that we recognize so little the existence of this great superior I will/” so little our own position of simple obedience, that we do not see that our Lord“s orderings are no business of ours. Could we but say He wills/” and that is enough for me, we should receive no rebuke, and we should enjoy sweet calm and peace.

What best becomes us is to believe deeply that our Lord acts evermore, out of secret depths known to Himself, and Himself alone; His way is in the sea, and His path is in the great waters, and His footsteps are not known:“” Ps. lxxvii. 19. And can we not see, in a moment, how this would bring us peace? What a world of speculation, and doubt, and discontent, we should be saved? When we could not see to the bottom of this or that strange thing, how should we comfort ourselves with the thought, My Lord sees to the bottom of it:“” Thou wilt keep him in perfect peace, whose mind is stayed upon Thee; because he trusteth in Thee:“” Isa. xxvi. 3.

And as we are not to trouble ourselves about the arrangements of the Lord, so.

We are to mind our own business. This is all important to us. And I may be permitted to observe, that this will generally give us as much as we can possibly do. If we find that it does not give us enough to do, to mind our own business, it is because we have not taken up the position fully which God has pointed out to us. Our Lord does not leave any one in a position, where there is nothing to be done. If any reader of these lines think so, let him seriously set to work, and try and find out whether there is nothing that he can possibly do for Christ; and if he find that there is and that he has not done it then let him complain no more that he has nothing appointed to him of the Lord. It is for idle minds, that Satan finds some mischief still to do.’’

We may rest assured, that we are not following our Lord fully, when we thus turn about, and meddle with other person’s matters; yea, meddle with the arrangements which He makes. And we may also rest assured, that when we turn about” and leave our own “following” of the Lord, we are getting out of the path of duty, and very near rebuke; what can Ave say, when we bring it upon ourselves?

This not minding our own business’ involves the loss of concentration; and wherever there is a loss of concentration there is a loss of power. Peter, it seems, turned about he probably did something more than merely turn his head; most likely he turned his whole body; but under any circumstance he was hindered in carrying out the command which he had just received, to follow Christ. We all know hoAV seriously we are delayed by very small stoppings, or even by turning to look round; if another be walking with us, who does not thus stop and turn, he gets several j)aces in advance of us, and Ave may find it very hard to catch him up again. Eternity alone will tell hoAV much is lost by turning, and stopping, to meddle it may be with that which does not belong to us at all, as is the case with Peter now. And be it observed, that it by no means follows that these turnings and stoppings are necessarily connected with worldly things. Alas! aa’o have sad experiences of turnings, and stoppings, to look at the peep shows which the world has at every corner of the streets; we need the intense energy and concentration of the hero of Excelsior,” to stop our ears and avert our eyes from that which would beguile and hinder us on our way; but we have sad experiences in the spiritual life also; we fritter away our power, by spending part of it upon what has no claim upon it at all; something it may be that was not immediately presented to us, but which we turned round to, and so made ourselves amenable to rebuke. We dilute our strength by these turnings; at every turning Delilah pulls out a hair, though she can not entirely shave the head.

We can never go out of our own place of simple following, without the ensuing of evil, or confusion of some kind; and in such evil and confusion, we shall not have the comfort which we can have in the trials with which we meet, when closely following our Lord. There is a great difference between self-made, and providential trials; in the first we throw ourselves out of the sympathy of Christ; in the second, we may be sure that that sympathy is ours. Trials while folloicing are light — we have Jesus before us; trials while turning are heavy — we have Jesus behind us.

Observe also, lioio different oftentimes are Christ’s answers to our expectations,

Peter had just had assigned to him a two-fold position, in which was involved honor of the very highest kind. In verses 15 — 19, he has a position of activity appointed to him; he is constituted a feeder of Christ’s lambs and sheep. It may be that by first directing his attention to the lambs, the Lord would not only shew His own special care of the weak ones; hut He would also point out to the once aspiring apostle that the highest energies of which he was possessed would he worthily expended ujion even the very least in the kingdom of God. The prophet Isaiah [xl. 2] declared that Jesus should “feed His flock like a shepherd that He should gather the lamhs with His arm, and carry them in His bosom and it was very meet and right that He, the Great Shepherd, should give especial charge to an under shepherd, to ho careful of those for whom He designed to make His own bosom a fold.

In this shepherding of the lamhs and sheep, a yosition of great activity was assigned to Peter; it may he that he now expected to hear the like assigned to John. Christ’s answer was entirely different to what he expected; instead of telling him about this other. He recalled him by a sharp rehuke to his own duty. Now, had Peter, while following, put some needful question to Jesus with reference to himself — one asking for direction, there is little douht hut that he would have received a gracious answer; the needful questions of followers are always graciously answered; hut this was the question of a turner, and the answer was a rehuke. Many a time has the Christian put himself into Peter’s position, and fared as Peter did. And let us not forget that high personal position will not save us from such rehuke. Peter had just accepted the laborious office of a shepherd, and accepted, moreover, the sufferings which were implied in his being girded and carried where he would not. But all this does not save him from rebuke when he goes astray. Is it not ever thus? Will not the Lord always deal with us according to each short-coming? Perhaps the very height of the apostle’s position brought upon him this exceeding sharpness of rebuke. Open rebuke is better than secret love Prov. xxvii. 5. As many as I love, I rebuke and chasten Rev. hi. 19. It might seem to us but a small thing to turn for a moment; this was, as we should think, but a little fault in the great apostle; but it was in the very presence of the Lord; it was while His words, Follow me,” were still almost ringing in his very ears.

Is it not well for us, dear reader, that Jesus does not permit Himself to be swayed by our expectations? Ah! how foolish are earthly parents and friends in this particular; you cannot bear to disappoint the expectations of a child, or of a friend, when they often expect you will do for them what they feel you ought not. Such is the weakness of love, and very fearful are the evils which the weakness of love has inflicted on the world. But there is none of this in Christ, — false expectations are not honored by Him. We cannot be too thankful that a turning Peter met with a rebuking Christ.

And now let us learn further, that the will of Christ may he very strongly manifested in a comparatively uneventful career, If I will that he tarry.”

Shepherding and martyrdom had just been appointed to Peter, tarrying” is all that is marked out for John.

How do we know what is involved in many apparently uneventful careers? Uneventful careers are such only in our forms of speech, and in our eyes; there are really none in the spiritual world. The heroes of that world are not those only who are associated in our minds with fire and sword with dungeon and with rack; these indeed are mighty heroes we stand aside in the shade, as they defile in long procession, with all the symbols of martyrs before our eyes; we look upon them, and then say of ourselves, What are we but we believe that in the last day of great account, there will be found many whose career has been as strange as theirs. Now he who swims down the stream may have an uneventful career, but he who breasts it will not; he who is content to tarry in his dungeon may have an uneventful career, but he who makes his escape will not; and in many a country hamlet,’ leading to all outward appearances calm and unruffled lives, are such heroes and heroines of the cross; the battle-field deep hidden in their own hearts; the fire burning, and the falchion glittering there. Man racks his brain for stories of romance; and fearful lest his tale should flag, brings actor after actor in quick succession on the scene; the deed of violence, the craft of knavery, the soft tenderness of love, he crowds upon his page; but amazed perhaps will these men be, when they find that their imagination has been outstripped by reality; that they have painted in but wasting colors — scenes, which in all the intensity of deepest coloring have been enacted within the Christian’s heart — scenes in which the murderer from the beginning” attempted murder again; in which the deceiver swore, and lied, to cheat a soul of heaven; in which the love that passeth knowledge” won the victory at last.

I hold that there is no such thing as an uneventful life in the spiritual world, except it be for those who are dead in trespasses and sins they no doubt have some events in their life, just as a body in the grave has its events in its progress to decay; but in them there is no spiritual vitality, and Satan leaves his own alone. And let this address itself to those who are panting for large spheres of labor, or great opportunities of devotion, who want to prove their devotion by facts; and let it say, Hast thou so proved thy devotion in this inward sphere, and so fully followed Christ therein, that thou hast exhausted there all opportunities of life for Christ, and must go forth to find vent for the mighty impulses within Who can say that he has followed Christ to the full, amid the many windings even of his own naughty heart? Not one; there never was a man who availed himself of every inch of ground which was afforded him in his own heart, for winning glory to his Lord. When we are called to outward service, right cheerfully let us enter upon it; but if to us there be manifestly appointed the still path, then let us walk cheerfully thereon, being assured that it also is not uneventful, and that in it, as well as in a more crowded road, we may live and move for God.

And here arises an important question; viz.. Is what we call our uneventful path, that which God has marked out for us, or is it one of our own choosing? Have we it as our own portion by Divine arrangement, or by our rejection of the turning point, which might have led us to a more eventful career? It is highly possible that some one on refiection, may be able to see that such turning points were presented to him in his past life, but he turned ofi* the rail and ran up a siding, and there he has remained up to the present day; while trains fast and slow are passing by there he is in the same place now, that he was many years ago. There are, unquestionably, many turning j)oints in our spiritual career — turning points as regards the destiny of our usefulness, and even as regards our spirituality; and to fail in taking advantage of these, is a serious error indeed; and that if the reader have left such a turning point of usefulness unimproved, let him now confess his fault; let him simply put himself in the hands of God again; let him say, Here am I, do with me as thou wilt then with fire as it were rekindled, and steam got up; with wheel and piston oiled and bright, let him keep looking earnestly for a signal to tell him to move on. When the right time has come, an instrument will always be found to turn the switches, and you will find yourself upon the line; in glorious action for the Lord whom you would serve.

In saying this, there are of course two points which we assume; the one is that waiting is not the distinctive lot appointed to us of God; the other is, that it is His Spirit who gives us the gracious thoughts of which we have been speaking. And fully are we persuaded that if any to whom this distinctive work of waiting is not appointed, and who have nevertheless been unoccupied for God, because of their own shortcoming, that if any such will now yield themselves into the hand of God, they shall find that their sphere will be appointed to them ere long; an humble one indeed it may be, but still it will be a real one, an honorable service in which there will be a great reward.

Nor would we part from this portion of our subject without availing ourselves of the privilege of saying a word to those, who are by the Divine arrangement distinctly placed in the position of tarrying ones; and who are perhaps inclined to envy those who have had assigned to them a more active sphere. You, dear friends, do not aspire to driving an express at high pressure for the Lord; you would be content unobserved to do hard work, like the luggage train that rumbles along through the night quite unobserved, with a heavy weight of uninteresting trucks behind it; any thing would satisfy you, so as only you were in action.

Do not fall into the mistake, of not being able to discern the will of God except through your own activities; must He depend upon any thing in you, for evidence of the working of His will? Ah! is not this putting ourselves forward; was the action of Christ’s will to be discerned only in the shepherding and the martyrdom of Peter, and not at all in the tarrying of J ohn? Be persuaded, that in lying upon a sick bed, or in moving on noiselessly through some manifestly appointed humble sphere; or in recognizing the will of God in your being kept back from the activities of work, you are fulfilling that very will. To be still, requires as much grace, sometimes, as to be active; oh! for such a heart as would seek, whether in activity or retirement, in shepherding, martyrdom, or tarrying, only to seek for, and try to carry out, the will of God in Christ.

And now we come to see how antecedents develop themselves in an entirely different way from what we should have supposed.

It needs no great philosophy to be able to perceive, that in the abstract, causes and effects are linked together; indeed in the natural world we may go even further, and from certain causes invariably predict certain effects; but it is not so in the spiritual world. There also the cause and effect are linked together, but we do not always see the connection; circumstances are found to develop themselves in a different way from what we should have supposed. Of this we may be sure, that in the hand of God all circumstances develop themselves aright.

Now look at the antecedents of John, and with none but human rules to guide us, should we not have supposed that some extraordinary sphere would have been appointed to him? He was the choice apostle of love; he was the one that leaned on Jesus’ breast at supper; and that ventured to ask Him who it was that should betray Him; what more reasonable than to suppose, that some especially wonderful work would be appointed to him? God seeth not as man seeth!” our thoughts are not as His thoughts, neither are our ways like His ways; and unless wo believe this, we shall often be offended and perplexed.

Let us mark this well in our own spiritual career; we are very apt to be offended, if the folded bud does not develop into the exact flower we have j)ictured in our minds; if the figures which lie before us do not add up to the amount that we expected ourselves. If we know our own place, as being in subjection to the Divine will, we shall not only look to Giod with reference to circumstances, but with reference to their development also. Look at that young man, with a noble intellect and a consecrated heart, where is his fitting sphere?

You destine him for the pulpit — for a great career of active usefulness; his early piety gives promise of this development; hut perhaps God’s development is altogether different; it may be that with blasted healthy he is to become a simple tarrier for Jesus, or for aught we know, he is going to be removed altogether, and to find his development and expansion in heaven. Or look at that young woman, whose heart is early given to the Lord; would not she have made a helpful wife to some toiling man of God? would it not have been a boon to the world, to have her character, and energy, and holy principle reproduced in a family, all of them devoted likewise to the Lord? — so thinks man — but lo! she too is touched with illness, and pines for many a long year; or her lot is one of patient waiting upon another, perhaps it is one of poverty, simply struggling to live, but whatever it be, it is not what we had marked out; and have this one’s antecedents been belied in her destiny? Not so; they may have found their most worthy development in that lot; and heaven’s records of how divine problems were worked out, will one day show us this.

But we need not always wait for the revelations of eternity; we can in many instances trace the dealings of God in time. For, let us look at this very case of John; this great love of his for his master, may have been necessary for his living dying,” — his long wearing out life — the loneliness of being left the last of all of the apostolic band. Who can tell what it was to him to have his righteous soul vexed from day to day with the unlawful deeds of evil; what it was to be exiled into Patmos; what it was to be continuing long in a world with which he had little sympathy, except such a sympathy as it rejected — a sympathy with its woe. Perhaps so far as spiritual instrumentality goes nothing short of these antecedents of which we have been speaking would have carried him through. And oftentimes it happens, that spiritual performances, which we despise as not being brilliant, rest upon a deep substratum of love to Christ; there may be that in them which nothing less than such a substratum would hold up. It may seem a small thing to us for a person day by day patiently to eat a crust, and yet that contentment may be resting on the perception of that love of Jesus, which ever provides aright. Perhaps we think little of a person’s resignation when all friends are gone, and he is left alone; and yet nothing short of a long and well tried love of J esus might have sufficed to close an otherwise murmuring lip for many a long year. We may be almost certain that all spiritual trainings are connected with important results; it is the preservation of proportion between the wide spreading root and the wide spreading branch — the branch whose leaves do not wither, and which bringeth forth his fruit in his season.

This waiting was John’s mission, as much his, as shepherding and martyrdom were Peter’s; his previous love developed in the performance of that mission; love was as much needed for tarrying as for death.

We must look at John, however, as a icaiter in cmioiection with Jesus, If I will that he tarry till I come.” How often do we, dazzled by appearances, forget the true position of God’s waiters. They also serve who only stand and wait.” We can understand the connection between Christ and the martyr; and between Christ and the worker; we often fail to see it between Christ and the waiter. And hence the true Church of God appears numerically much smaller than it really is; we do not see the hidden ones who are in connection with Him; we see the Elijahs as they smite Baal, but not the seven thousand who are reserved, who in connection with their God do not bow the knee to him.

If you, dear reader, in the providence of God, be one of the waiters, and if you feel that you are Christ’s, then cheer up your spirits with that blessed thought. Say to yourself, I also am joined unto the Lord! I also am standing in my place! I am acting in the power of love! I day by day lead the life I now live in the flesh,’ in simple union with my Lord.” Oh! what an inestimable comfort must it have been to the apostle, to feel that he was day by day fulfilling the will of Christ. Surely he realized his position, — his hope through all the long waiting time was fixed on Him — day rose after day — night fell after night; and though he doubtless would have taken the wings of a dove?, and flown away and been at rest, if he had only his own pleasure to consult; yet ever was he sustained by this one thought, it is His will.

Observe lastly —

The directions of concentration. Follow thou me.” Peter had turned himself after having been told to follow, and hence this stern rebuke, and also this reiterated command. In this second command our Lord recalls the apostle to ‘personal obedience, fixing his attention upon himself, his own duty, and, moreover, the need of doing it at once. And this is the very direction which we so often need; we want to be taught that we are out of the path of personal obedience, and to be brought back to it again. It is as though our Lord said Be thou engaged in thy personal obedience, and that is my will with regard to thee.’’ It was the same direction repeated; as though the Lord would shew the apostle that what He wills is the reparation of a fault, not the destruction or casting off of the one who commits it. Peter had already been restored, and the great sin of his denial forgiven; how soon he needs restoration and forgiveness again! This is just our history; our gracious Master has to rebuke us and restore us too; He does all; He pours in both oil and wine — that which will cleanse the wound, and that which will make it whole.

What now remains but to ask the reader what is his position at this very time? Let each one ask himself, Am I following? Am I following Him? Is my mind concentrated upon obedience to his command

Compare the explicitness of Follow thou me,” with the hypothetic If and in that explicitness mark the determination of the Saviour’s will.

Header! whatever may be the will of Christ with regard to others, what is that to thee? His will concerning thee is plain, — Follow thou me.”