Religious Convictions
Not long after his arrival at High Leigh he came in contact with what to him was a new development in religion. The Wesleyan Methodists had commenced a good work in that neighbourhood, and by the influence of a pious Methodist and his wife Robert was led to attend some of their meetings. The passionate appeals of the faithful evangelists found a ready response. His condition at this time will be best described by himself.
“I had, like most Scotch youths in those days, the Bible in two small volumes. These I read (remembering my mother’s last words), chiefly in the New Testament, but it was only as a pleasing duty I owed to her. I thus became familiar with the Gospels, notwithstanding my inattention to what I read. At length I became uneasy, and then unhappy. The question would sometimes, even when my hands were at work, dart across my mind, What think ye of Christ? which I dared not to answer. A hard struggle followed. I could have wished to have ceased reading, but the very thought would raise the image of my mother before me. I tried hard to stifle conviction, but I could not help reading much in the Epistles, and especially in the Epistle to the Romans. This I did with an earnestness I tried in vain to subdue. I felt wretched, but still I did not pray, till one night I arose in a state of horror from a terrific dream. I fell on my knees, and felt as if my sins, like a great mountain, were tumbling down upon me, and that there was but a step between me and the place of woe. Then followed the struggle between hope and despair. I tried to refoiTn — not by avoiding grossly immoral conduct, for I had never been guilty of that, but by forsaking foolish and worldly company, vain thoughts and wicked imaginations.
“For many weeks I was miserable. I wished to feel that I was converted, but I could not believe I was. I thought I had the faith required, and that 1 had repented or turned to the Lord, and could adopt the words, ‘Tu whom shall I go but to Tlice, O Jesus j’ but still
SPIRITUAL STRUGGLES. li
my soul was like a ship in a tempest. At last I made a resoh e to become as wicked as I could make myself, and then if converted I should be so sensible of the change that all doubts would vanish. I looked over this awful precipice down which I was about to leap, and trembled at the thought that I might perish in my sins. I turned anon to my Bible, and grasped it, feeling something like a hope that I should not sink with it in my hands. I knew of no one to whom I could unbosom the agony that burned within. I tried to pray fervently, but thought there was a black cloud between me and the throne of God. I tried to hear Jesus saying to my soul, ‘Only believe; ’ but the passages from which I sought comfort only seemed to deepen my wounds.
“Living alone in a lodge in an extensive garden, my little leisure was my own. One evening, while poring over the Epistle to the Romans, I could not help wondering over a number of passages which I had read many times before. They appeared altogether different. I exclaimed with a heart nearly broken, * Can it be possible that I have never understood what I have been reading?’ turning from one passage to another: each sending a renovation of light into my darkened soul. The Book of God, the precious, undying Bible, seemed to be laid open, and I saw at once what God had done for the sinner, and what was required of the sinner to obtain the Divine favour and the assurance of eternal life. I felt that, being justified by faith, I had peace with God through the Lord Jesus Christ, and that He was made unto me wisdom and righteousness and sanctification and redemption.
“Oh to grace how great a debtor
Daily I’m constrained to be.”
AVith all the energy of which he was capable, Robert Moffat threw himself into the society and work of his new friends, whose ministrations had quickened into life the seed sown in earlier days. Not but what he had to meet crosses. He lost the goodwill of Mr, and Mrs. Leigh, who were grieved that a young man in whom they took more than ordinary interest should have become a Methodist, and should have taken upon himself a name which in those days was to many a term of the severest reproach.
His letters home at this time are full of the intense feeling shown in the foregoing quotations. His father, with true Scottish caution, replies in guarded language. He says:
“We are always happy to hear of good news, especially while they are of the nature you mention, and the Scripture assures us that good news from a far country are as cold water to a thirsty soul; and we are very happy to hear that you seem to have got a sight of the evil nature of sin, and the evil that it often bringeth on the unthinking and heedless part of mankind. Nevertheless I would exhort you not to be high-minded, but to fear; for I read of one who was brought up into the third heavens, and saw things which were not lawful for him to utter; nevertheless there was given him a thorn in the flesh, the messenger of Satan to buffet him, lest he should be exalted above measure; and our Saviour Himself no sooner received the sign of baptism than He was led by the Spirit into the wilderness, and was tempted of the devil forty days. And tempted to what? Even to distrust the common providence of God. And the Apostle Peter, although he made more pretensions of love to the Saviour than any of the disciples, yet how soon was he tempted of the adversary of souls to deny his great Lord and Master.
“I have said, ‘Be not highminded, but fear.” I would also say, ‘Let him that standeth take heed lest he fall,’ for the history of all ages confirms to us that one no sooner begins to set his face heavenward than he begins to be persecuted with enemies both within and without; and it often becomes no easy matter to bear the mocks and even threats of some who set themselves up to oppose all that is good,
“You seem to be much attached to the Methodists. I verily believe they are a set of men who have done much good. But at the same time, I do not altogether go in with some of their tenets; and as there are different sects of these preachers, some of which are said not to be very sound in the faith, it would take one to examine well for themselves, and to follow them no further than they follow the Word of God.”
To this the son replies, stoutly defending his friends. There was evidently a severe struggle in his mind between the Calvinistic faith of his fathers in which he had been brought up, and the teachings to which he was now listening. Meanwhile another phase of life was dawning upon him, which we can read in his own words:
“I had undergone a great change of heart; and this I believe v/aa produced by the Spirit of God through reading the Bible and the Bible only, lor my small stock of books consisted chiefly of works on gardening and botany. Beyond visitors to see the gardens, and the men in daily employ who returned to their homes after the labours ot the day, I saw no one. I occupied my leisure in studying the Scriptures, and when opportunities offered I did not fail to try and convince others of the necessity of repentance toward God and faith toward our Lord Jesus Christ. I thought I had only to tell them what Christ had done for them and what was required of them to be saved. I wondered they could not see as I saw, and feel as I felt, after explaining to them the great truths of the everlasting gospel. On the contrary, I was treated by some as one who was somewhat disordered in mind.
“Having a desire to visit Warrington, a town about six miles from where I lived, to purchase a trifling article, I went thither. It was on a calm, beautiful summer evening. All nature seemed to be at rest, not a breath of wind to move a leaf. In the clear blue expanse of heaven was to be seen a single cloud passing over the disc of the sun as he hastened toward his going down. I seemed more than usual to feel admiration of the handiworks of God. I was imperceptibly led to a train of thinking of the past: how much of my life I had spent serving the world and not Him who died for me; that I had really been living to no purpose. I thought of the present: how little I could do. It was more pleasurable to contemplate the future. The prospect of ere long being put in a position of honour and of trust had of course a charm to one who was yet in his teens, besides the hope of having it in my power to do good. Little did I imagine that this bright picture I had been painting of future comfort and usefulness was in the course of an hour to vanish like a dream, and that I should be taught the lesson that it is not in man to direct his Bteps.
*’ With thoughts like these I entered the town, and, passing over a bridge, I observed a placard. I stood and read. It was a missionary placard, the first I had seen in my life. It announced that a missionary meeting was to be held, and a Rev. William Roby, of Manchester, would take the chair. I stood some time reading over and over again, although I found that the time the meeting was to be held was past. Passers-by must have wondered at my fixedness. I could look at nothing but the words on the placard, which I can still imagine I see before me. The stories of the Moravian missionaries in Greenland and Labrador which I had heard my mother read when I was a boy, which had been entirely lost to memory, never having been once thought of for many years, came into vivid remembrance as if fresh from her lips. It is impossible for me to describe the tumult which took hold of my mind.
“I hastened to obtain the trifle I wanted in town, and returned to the placard and read it over once more, and now wended my solitary way homeward another man, or rather with another heart. The earthly prospects I had so lately been thinking of with pleasure had entirely vanished, nor could any power of mind recall their influence. My thoughts became entirely occupied with the inquiry how I could serve the missionary cause. No Missionary Society would receive me. I had never been at college or at an academy. I, however, began to devise plans. I had been for a short time a young sailor, and I resolved to go to sea again and get landed on some island or foreign shore, where I might teach poor heathen to know the Saviour.
“Soon afterwards, having heard that a Wesleyan Conference was to be held in Manchester, I proposed to a young man with whom I had become intimate that we should go thither. During our few days’ sojourn, hearing first one and then another, I resolved on hearing William Roby. His appearance and discourse, delivered with gravity and solemnity, pleased me much. In the evening the lady of the house where we lodged remarked that he was a great missionary man, and sometimes sent out young men to the heathen. This remark at once fixed my purpose of calling on that great man, but how and when was a very serious matter to one of a naturally retiring habit. I
14 HtS FIRST CALL ON MR. ROBY.
thought and prayed during the night over the important step I was about to take. There was something like daring in the attempt which I could not overcome. Next morning, when I awoke, my heart beat at the prospect before me. I had told my beloved companion, Hamlet Clarke, what I intended doing, and asked him to go with me. This he decidedly objected to, but he wished me to go, and promised to wait within sight till I should return.
“Though the distance we had to walk was more than a mile it seemed too short for me to get my thoughts in order. Reaching the end of a rather retired street, I proceeded with slow step. On getting to the door I stood a minute or two, and my heart failed, and I turned back towards my friend, but soon took fresh courage, and came back again. The task of knocking at the good man’s door seemed very hard. A second time I reached the door, and had scarcely set my foot on the first step when my heart again failed. I feared I was acting presumptuously.
“At last, after walking backward and forward for a few minutes, I returned to the door and knocked. This was no sooner done than I would have given a thousand pounds, if I had possessed them, not to have knocked; and I hoped, oh! how I hoped with all my heart, that Mr. Roby might not be at home, resolving that if so I should never again make such an attempt. A girl opened the door. * Is Mr. Roby in? ‘I inquired with a faltering voice. ‘Yes,’ was the reply, and I was shown into the parlour.
“The dreaded man whom I wished to see soon made his appearance. Of course I had to inform him who I was, and my simple tale was soon told. He listened to all I had to say in answer to some questions with a kindly smile. I had given him an outline of my Christian experience, and my wish to be a helper in the missionary cause. I did not even tell him that it was his name on the missionary placard which had directed my steps to his door. He said he would write to the Directors of the Society, and on hearing from them would communicate their wishes respecting me. I returned to my charge, and after some weeks was requested to visit Manchester, that he might get me placed in a situation which would afford him the opportunity of examining me as to my fitness for missionary work. On my arrival, Mr. Roby took me to several of his friends to obtain, if possible, a situation in a garden, a mercantile house, or a bank; but all failed, there being no opening for anyone at the time. Mr. Roby then remarked, ‘I have still one friend who employs many men to whom I can apply, provided you have no objection to go into a nursery garden.’.
“‘Go 1 ‘I replied; ‘I would go anywhere and do anything for which I may have ability.’ Very providentially Mr. Smith of Dunkinfield happened to be in town, and at once agreed that I should proceed to his nursery garden. Thus was 1 led, by a way that I knew not, for another important end; for had I obtained a situation in Manchester I might not have had my late dear wife to be my companion and partaker in all my hopes and fears for more than half a century in Africa. As it was. Mr. Smith’s only daughter possessing a warm missionary heart, we soon became attached to one another; but she was not allowed to join me in Africa till nearly three years after I left.
“Mr. Smith, whose house was a house of call for ministers, and who was always ready to advance the Redeemer’s kingdom at home and abroad, only bethought himself on returning home that the step he had taken might eventually deprive him of his only daughter; and so, in the providence of God, it turned out. It would be unnecessary to detail the subsequent events during my stay — under the watchful care and instruction of Mr. Roby, which lasted nearly a year — at the nursery garden, from which I could visit him only once or twice a week.”
A letter from Mr. Roby himself bears upon this period:
*’ November 27, 18 15.
“Dear Sir, — I have been anxiously waiting for an answer to the letter which I wrote to the Directors of the Missionary Society respecting you, and did not receive it till this morning. It informs me that at present they have so many applications that they cannot receive all who offer their services for missionary work, and are therefore obliged to select those who possess the most promising acquirements. On this account they are under the necessity of declining your offer at present.”
Mr. Roby was, however, convinced that the young gardener had good metal in him, and, carrying out the measures above described, eventually prevailed upon the Directors to reconsider their decision.
Robert was not for some time able to screw up his courage to tell his parents the nature of the great step he was taking. In a letter to them about this time, he says:
“You requested to know what I intended doing next season; and I doubt not but you will be surprised at my informing you that I leave my present situation next Saturday, being the 23rd of December, and I intend stopping a week with my religious friends in this place, and then go. about New Year’s day, to a nursery near Manchester. Some of the circumstances I will mention which have occurred within this short time to me. About the month of July there was a situation offered me, and it seems to be of great extent. I was to be both factor, steward, and gardener, and have under my charge some hundreds of acres of farming, with a number of men and a garden, &c.; and my description, it seems, was given to the gentleman, and he said there was nothing to hinder me but one thing — and what was that do you think? It was, if I would give up going to the Methodists I would just suit him; but my answer was, I thanked them for their good intentions, but I would prefer my God to white and yellow ore. Some time after another situation was offered me, but I did not feel a willingness in my mind to accept of it, not having a desire to settle so 16 HIS FATHER’S ADVERSE COMMENTS.
soon. My master was very good. He said that if I found employers he would become responsible for a good character. Some time about a fortnight ago kind Providence opened a door for me to the above-mentioned place. I am not driven there, but I am called to go there — not for the present benefit, but for the future good. The wages are fifteen shillings per week; mine will be only twelve or thirteen, on account that I will only work five days in a week. The reason of this I will leave a future period to determine.”
To this his father replies:
“We are not without our apprehensions that you may not have made a very profitable change. You say that the wages are fifteen shillings per week, but as you are only to work five days you will have but twelve or thirteen shillings a week. But you have left us to conjecture how you are to employ yourself on the sixth day. But if my opinion be rightly founded, I presume that you mean to endeavour to fit yourself for another line of life; but I would have you duly to consider the importance of such an undertaking, and to weigh well what our Saviour says to the builder in the Scriptures, and to first sit down and count the cost, and to see whether you have sufficient to finish or not; and to consider what was said to David, that the Lord said that he did well that he had it in his heart to build an house unto the Lord. And we think that you might both live usefully to your neighbours and profitably to yourself without engaging in a line of that kind; neither do we think that your health would altogether agree with such an undertaking, as I verily believe that you will find a close application to study as hard an undertaking as anything you have hitherto engaged in.
“You mention having had the offer of a good situation, which in my opinion was rather flattering, especially for one of your age. But as you were to be bound up to a certain mode of worship, we think you did well in refusing it.”
It was not till the month of May following that he wrote and made his parents acquainted with the nature of the determination to which he had come; and even then it was only under the persuasion of his good friend and adviser, Mr. Roby: so great was his diffidence, and, we may add, so heavy did he feel the news would be to them. To his mother it was a trial of no ordinary sort. In those days, to go out into the heathen world was like taking an eternal farewell so far as this world was concerned. No swift steamers then crossed the ocean in a few days or a few weeks. A great part of heathendom was an unknown region, into which few had gone and from which still fewer ever returned.
In a letter full of dignified resignation the old man bids his son Godspeed, declaring that whatever may be his own feelings and those of Robert’s mother, they dare not oppose his design, lest haply in so doing they should be found fighting against God.