Introduction: Directions to Those Who Would Be Acquainted with Themselves

He that is a stranger to himself, his sin, his misery, his necessity, &c. is a stranger to God, and to all that might denominate him wise or happy. To have taken the true measure of our capacities, abilities, infirmities, and necessities, and thereupon to perceive what is really BEST for us, and most agreeable to our case, is the first part of true, practical, saving knowledge. Did the distracted mindless world consider, what work they have at home for their most serious thoughts, and care, and diligence, and of what unspeakable concern and necessity it is, and that men carry within them the matter of their final doom, and the beginning of endless joy or sorrows, they would be called home from their busy idleness, their laborious loss of precious time, and unprofitable vagaries, and would be studying their hearts, while they are doting about a multitude of impcrtlnencies, and would bo pleasing God, while they are purveying for the flesh; and they would sec that it more concerneth them to know the day of their salvation, and now to lay up a treasure in heaven, that they may die in faith, and live in everlasting joy and glory, than in the crowd and noise of the ambitious, covetous, voluptuous sensualists, to run after a feather, till time is past, and mercy gone, and endless woe hath unexpectedly surprised them. Yet do these dead men think they live, because they laugh, and talk, and ride, and go, and dwell among gnats and flies in the sunshine, and not with worms and dust in darkness: they think they are awake, because they dream that they are busy; and that they are doing the works of men, because they make a noise for finer clothes, and larger rooms, and sweeter morsels, than their poorer, undeceived neighbours have: they think they are sailing to felicity, because ihcy are tossed up and down: and if they can play the pike among the fishes, or the wolves in the flocks of Christ; or if they can attain to the honour of a pestilence, to be able to do a great deal of hurt, they are proud of it, and look as high as if they saw neither the grave nor hell, nor knew how quickly they must be taken down, and laid so low, that “the righteous shall sec it, and fear, and laugh at them, saying, Lo, this is the man that made not God his strength, but trusted in the abundance of his riches, and strengthened himself in his wickedness. — Behold these are the ungodly that prosper in the world, and increase in riches; surely they are set in slippery places, and cast down to destruction, and brought to desolation as in a moment, and utterly consumed with terrors: as a dream when one awaketh, so, O Lord, when thou awakest, thou shall despise their image.” Though, while they lived, they blessed themselves, and were praised by men; yet, when they die, they carry nothing away; “their glory shall not descend after them; like sheep they are laid in the grave: death shall feed on them, and the upright shall have dominion over them in the morning; man in honour abideth not: he is like the beasts that perish; this their way is their folly; yet their posterity approve their sayings.” They shall find that God is not afraid to lay the hand of justice on the stoutest of them, and will be as bold with silken, shining gallants, as with the poorest worms; and will spit in the face of that man’s glory, who durst spit in the face of the glory of his Redeemer, and will trample upon the interest which is set up against the interest of Christ. The jovial world do now think that self-study is too melancholy a thing, and they choose to be distracted for fear of being melancholy; and will be mad, in Solomon’s sense, that they may be wise and happy in their own: “The heart of fools is in the house of mirth, and the heart of the wise in the house of mourning.”

And yet there is most joy in the hearts of the wise, and least solid peace in the hearts of fools: they know that conscience hath so much against them, that they dare not hear its accusations and its sentence: they dare not look into the hideous dungeon of their hearts, nor peruse the accounts of their bankrupt souls, nor read the history of their impious, unprofitable lives, lest they should be tormented before the time: they dare not live like serious men, lest they should lose thereby the delights of” brutes. O sinful men! against what light, both natural and supernatural, do they offend! They see how all tilings haste away; the names of their predecessors are left as a warning to them: every corpse that is carried to the grave, being dead, yet speaketh; and every bone that is thence cast up, doth rise as a witness against their luxury and lust: and yet they will have their wills and pleasure while they may, whatever it cost theqi; and they will set their houses on fire, that they might have one merry blaze, and warm them once before they die.

I shall give a few directions to those that would be well acquainted with themselves, and would comfortably converse at home.

Direct. 1. Let him not overvalue or mind the deceitful world, that would have fruitful converse with God and with himself. Trust not such a cheater as hath robbed so many thousands before us, especially when God and common experience call out to us to take heed. The study of riches, and reputation, and pleasures, agreeth not with this study of God, and of our hearts: and though the world will not make acquaintance with us, if we come not in their fashion, nor see us, if we stand not on the higher ground; yet it is much b.etter to be unknown to others, than to ourselves. A retirement, therefore, must be made, from the inordinate pursuit of worldly things, and the charms of honours, riches, and delights: and if some present loss does seem to follow, it is indeed no loss, which tendeth to gain. Methinks they that sincerely pray, “Lead us not into temptation,” should not desire to have bolts and bars between God and them, and to dwell where salvation is most hardly attained! Desire not to be planted in any such place, though it seem a paradise, where God is most unknown, and used as a stranger, and where saints are wonders, and examples of serious piety are most rare, and where a heavenly conversation is known but by reports, and reported of according to the malice of the servant, and represented hui as fancy, hypocrisy, or faction: where sin most prospereth, and is in least disgrace; and where it is a greater shame to be a saint than to be a sinner; a serious Christian, than a seared, stupified sensualist. Bless you from that place where the weeds of vice are so rank, that no good plant can prosper near them: where gain is godliness; and impiety is necessary to acceptable observance; and a tender conscience, and the fear of God, are characters of one too surly and unpliable to be countenanced by men; where the tongue, that nature formed to be the index of the mind, is made the chief instrument to hide it; and men are so conscious of their own incredibility, that no one doth believe or trust another: where no words are heart-deep, but those that are spoken against Christ’s cause and interest, or for their own; where a vile person is honoured, and those contemned that fear the Lord. Bless you from the place where truth is intolerable, and untruth cloaked with its name; where holiness is looked at as an owl or enemy, and yet hypocrisy must steal its honour from it; where he is a saint that is less wicked than infamous transgressors; and where Dives’ life is blameless temperance; and where pride, idleness, fulness of bread, and filthy fornication and lasciviousness, arc the infirmities of pious and excellent persons; where great sins are small ones, and small ones are none; and where the greatest must have no reproof, and the physician is taken for the greatest enemy; where chaff is valued at the price of wheat, and yet the famine is of choice: where persons and things are measured by interest; and duty to God derided as folly, whenever it crosseth the wisdom of the world, and hatod as some hurtful thing, when it crosseth fleshly men in their desires: and where Dives’ brethren are unwarned; and none are more secure and frolicsome, than those that to-morrow may be in hell. Old travellers are usually most addicted to end their days in solitude; learn to contemn the world at cheaper rates than they: neither hope, nor wish to live an Alexander, and die a Socrates: a crowd or concourse, though the greatest, where there is the greatest tumult of affairs, and confluence of temptations, is not the safest place to die in; and I have most mind to live where I would die. Where men are Christians in name, and infidels in conversation, the sweetness of their Christian names will not preserve them or you from the danger of their unchristian

lives. It was not the whole of Lot’s deliverance to be saved from the flames of Sodom, but it was much of it to be freed from their malicious rage, and filthy grievous conversations: the best medicine against the plague is to keep far enough from the place that hath it. Desire not that condition, where all seem friends, but none are friends indeed; but they that seem to be your servants, are by flattery serving themselves by you: where few persons or things are truly represented; but men are judged of by the descriptions of their enemies, and the lambs have the skins and names of wolves: and the best are odious when bold calumniators load them with odious accusations. In a word, desire not the place where the more men seek, the less they find, and the more they find, the less they have; and the more they have, the less they do enjoy: where the more are their provisions, the less are their supplies; the more their wealth, the more their want; the more their pleasure, the less their peace; the greater their mirth, the less their joy; the greater their confidence, the less their safety: where the great mistake about their happiness, their best interest, their end, doth make their lives a constant error, and death a doleful disappointment.

Direct. 2. Keep all clean and sound within, that there may be little of loathsomeness to disaffect you, or terror to frighten you from yourselves; it is afrightful thing to be much conversing with a guilty soul, and hearing the accusations of a conscience not cleansed by the blood of Christ: and it is an unpleasant thing to be searching in our wounds, and reading the history of a life of folly; especially of wilful sin, and of ungrateful neglect of offered grace. Make not such work for yourself, if you love it not. We make our beds ill, and then we are weary of them, because they are so hard: our comforts are more in our own hands than in any others: the best friend or pastor cannot do so much to promote them, nor the greatest enemy so much to destroy them, as ourselves. If we will surfeit, and make ourselves sick, we must endure it. If wasps and vipers be our guests, no wonder if we dwell not quietly at home; and if we sit not at ease, when we carry thorns about us. Folly and concupiscence breed our misery: it is the scent and smart of our ulcerated minds that most annoyeth us. We cannot waste our peace, and have it. Turk and Pope, and all the terrible names on earth, are not so deservedly terrible to a sinner as his own: the nearest evil is the most hurtful evil. If a scolding wife be such a continual dropping, and troublesome companion, as Solomon tells us, what then is a distempered, troubled mind, and a chiding conscience? It is a pity that man should be his own afflicter, but so it is. Folly, and lust, and rashness, and passion, are sorry keepers of our peace: darkness and filth do make a dungeon, and not a delightful habitation of our hearts; God would take pleasure in them, if we kept them clean, and would walk with us in those gardens, if we kept them dressed: but if we will defile his temple, and make it unpleasing to him, he will make it unpleasing to us. Terror and trouble are the shadow of sin, that follow it, though the sun shine ever so brightly. Keep close to God; obey his will: make sure of your reconciliation and adoption; keep clear your evidences, and grieve not the Holy Spirit, who sealeth you, and must comfort you. And then it will do you good to look into your heart, and there you shall find the most delightful company: and the Spirit that you have there entertained, will there entertain you with his joys.

But if disorder have prevailed and made your hearts a place of trouble, yet fly not from it, and refuse not to converse with it: for though it be not at the present a work of pleasure, it is a work of necessity, and may tend to pleasure in the end: conversing wisely and faithfully with a disordered, ’ troubled heart, is the way to make it a well-ordered and quiet heart.

Direct. 3. In judging of your present state and actions, let one eye be always on the end: this will both quicken you to be serious in the duty, and direct you in all particular cases to judge aright. As the approach of death doth convince almost all men of the necessity of studying themselves, and calleth them to it from all other studies; so the considerate foresight of it would do the same in better time. And it is the end that communicateth the good or evil to all things in the way: and therefore, as they have relation to the end, they must be judged of. When you peruse your actions, consider them as done by one that is entering into eternity, and as those that must all be opened in a clearer light. If we separate our actions in our considerations from their ends, they are not of the same signification, but taken to be other things than indeed they arc. If the oaths, the lies, the slanders, the sensuality of impure sinners, had not relation to the loss of heaven, and to the pains of hell, they were not matters of that exceeding moment as now they are. And if the holiness, obedience, and watchfulness of believers, had no relation to the escaping of hell-fire, and the attainment of eternal life, they would be of lower value than they are. The more clearly men discern that God is present, that judgment is at hand, that they are near to heaven or hell, where millions have already received their reward, the more seriously will they study, and the better will they know themselves.

Direct. 4. Though you must endeavour to judge yourself truly as you are, yet rather incline to think meanly than highly of yourself, and be rather too suspicious than too presumptuous. My reasons for this direction are, because man’s nature is generally disposed to self-exalting; and pride and self-love are sins so common and so strong, that it is a thing of wondrous difficulty to overcome them, so far as to judie ourselves impartially, and to eer as little in ou own cause, as if it were another’s; and because self-exalting hath far more dangerous effects than self-abasing, supposing them to exceed their bounds. Prudent humility is a quieting grace, and avoideth” many storms and tempests, which trouble and shake the peace of others. It maketh men thankful for that little as undeserved, which others repine at as short of their expectations: it telleth the sufferer that God doth afflict him much less than he deserveth; and causeth him to say, “I will bear the indignaton of the Lord, because I have sinned against him.” It teacheth us a cautious suspicion of our own understandings, and a just submission to those that are wiser than ourselves. Pride keepeth out wisdom, by keeping out the knowledge of our ignorance. And as Pliny tells us of some nations, where they are grey-headed in their infancy, and black-headed when they are old; so pride maketh many wise so soon, that they never come to be truly wise: they think in youth that they have more than the wisdom of age, and therefore in age they have less than what beseemeth them in youth. Every hard report or usage is ready to break a proud man’s heart; when contempt doth little disquiet the humble, because they judge so meanly of themselves. The proud are frequently disturbed, because they climb into the seats of others; when humility sits quietly, and no one bids it rise, because it knoweth and keepeth its own place. Therefore it is, that true contrition having once told us of our folly to the heart, doth make us walk more circumspectly while we live; and that no man is better resolved than he that was once in doubt, and that no man standeth faster than he that hath had a fall: and no man is more safe, than he that hath had most assaults. If you love your safety, desire not either to be, or to seem too high. Be little in your own eyes, and be content to be so in the eyes of others. As for worldly greatness, affect neither the thing nor the reputation of it: look up, if you please, to the tops of steeples, masts, and mountains; but stand below if you would be safe. And for spiritual endowments, desire them, and improve them; but desire not inordinately the reputation of them. It seldom increaseth a man’s humility to be reputed humble: and though humility help you to bear applause, yet the remnants of pride are ready to take fire, and other sins to get advantage by it.

Direct. 3. Improve your self-acquaintance to a due apprehension of what is most suitable, most profitable, and necessary for you, and what is most hurtful, unsuitable, and unnecessary. He that hath taken a just measure of himself, is the better able to judge of all things else. How suitable will

Christ and grace appear, and how unsuitable will worldly pomp appear to one that truly knows himself! How suitable will serious, fervent worship appear, and how unsuitable the ludicrous shows of hypocrites! If a man knew aright the capacity and tendency of the reasonable nature, and the evil of sin, and the necessity and distress of an unrenewed soul, what sweet, what longing thoughts would he have of God, and all that tendeth to the pleasing and enjoying of him! How little would he think himself concerned in the trivial matters of honour or dishonour, riches or poverty, favour or displeasure, further than as they help or hinder him in the things that are of more regard! Know yourself, and you will know what to love and what to hate; what to choose and what to refuse; what to hold and what to lose; what to esteem and what to slight; what to fear, and when to be courageous and secure: the curing the dotage thus, would cure the niglit-walks of the dreaming, vagrant world. And they that find that music cureth not the stone or gout, would know that mirth and gallantry, and vainglory, are no preservatives from hell, nor a sufficient cure for a guilty soul: and that if an aching head must have a better remedy than a golden crown, and a diseased body a more suitable cure than a silken suit, a diseased soul doth call for more.

Direct. 6. Value not yourself by mutable accidents, but by the essence and substance of Christianity. “A man’s life consisteth not in the abundance which he possesseth.” Paul knew better what he said, when he accounted all but loss and dung for the knowledge and fruition of Jesus Christ, than they that dote on wealth as their felicity. And is a man to be valued, applauded, and magnified for his wealth, or for his personal endowments? Judge not of the person by his apparel, when the foolishest and the worst may wear the same. The master and inhabitants honour the house more than the house doth the master and inhabitants. All the wit and learning in the world, with all the riches, honour, and applause, yea, and all the civility and winning deportment, will not make a Christian of an infidel or atheist, nor a happy of a miserable man. As nothing will make a man honourable indeed, that hath not the use of reason, which difFerenceth men from brutes; so nothing will make or prove him holy, or happy, or safe, that hath not the holy image of God, which must difference his children from his enemies. If he be unsanctified, and be not a new creature, and have not the Spirit of Christ within him, he is an atheist, or infidel, or an ungodly wretch, let him be ever so rich, or great, or honourable. And as a harlot is never beautiful in the eyes of the wise and chaste, so a wicked man is never happy in the eyes of any but his phrenetic society.

Direct, 7. Think not that a few, seldom, hasty thoughts will bring, and keep you in acquaintance with yourself. It must be diligent observation, and serious consideration, that must accomplish this. Many a man walketh where he doth not dwell. A transient salute is not a sign of intimate familiarity. It is enough, sometimes to step into your neighbour’s house for a charitable visit; but you must dwell in your own: be more busy and censorious at home than the proud and malicious are abroad; and be as seldom and tender in censuring others, as such hypocrites are in censuring themselves. Think not that you are unconcerned in the danger or safety of your neighbour, but remember that you are more concerned in your own. It is here most reasonable to say, that charity begins at home, when self-neglect will disable you to help another. And if, sometimes, your falls or frailty do find you matter for purging, troublesome thoughts, and interrupt your sweeter, comfortable meditations, refuse not the trouble when you have made it necessary: it is many a sad and serious thought that the ministers of Christ have for the cure and safety of their flocks: and should not the people have as serious thoughts for themselves? Your reason, your wisdom, care, and diligence, are more your own than any one’s else; and, therefore, should be more used for yourself than for any. And if, after much thoughtfulness and labour, you find your heart to be no whit better, yet labour and believe. It is not the last blow of the axe alone that cuts down the tree, though it fall not till the last. The growth of grace, as of plants, and fruits, and flowers, is not perceived by immediate inspection. There is much good obtained when we discern it not: and nothing is more certain, than that honest diligence is never lost in the things of God and our salvation. It is worth all our labour, if we grow no better, to keep our spark from going out, and to see that we grow no worse. And the preventing of evil is here an excellent good. “O keep the heart with all diligence, for out of it are the issues of life.” Actions receive their specification and quality from the earth. “Death and life are in the power of the tongue, but the tongue is in the power of the heart.”

Direct. 8. Let not your self-knowledge be merely speculative, but also practical. Be not contented that you know what you are, and what you have done, nor that your heart is much afi’ected with it; but let all tend to action, to mend what is amiss, and to maintain, improve, and increase what is’ good: and let the next question be, ‘What am I now to do?’ or, ‘What must I be for time to come?’ It is a lamentable mistake of many, that tire themselves with striving to make deep, affecting impressions on their hearts; and when they have got much sorrow, or much joy, they think they have done the greatest matter, and there they stop. But affections are the spring that must move to action; and if you proceed not to your duty, affection is much lost; and, if with smaller affection or passion, you can steadfastly and resolutely cleave to God, and do your duly, you have the principal thing, and are accepted: not that outward actions are accepted without the heart; but that there is most of the - heart, where there is most of the estimation and will, though less of passion; and there is most of will, where there is most endeavour: and inward action is the first part of obedience; and without these no speculations will avail. However you find your heart, be up and doing in the use of means to make it better, and wait on God for further grace.

Direct. 9. Manage your self-acquaintance prudently, cautiously, and with the help of your skilful friend or pastor. Think not that it is a work that you need no helper in: if you mistake your accounts, and put down a wrong sura, and call yourself confidently what you are not, or deny God’s graces, whenever, through melancholy or distemper, you cannot find them, and pass false conclusions against God’s mercies and yourself, this were to turn a duty into a sin and snare.

And you must do it seasonably: melancholy persons arc most incapable of it, who do nothing but pore upon themselves to little purpose; such must do more of other duty, but lay by much of this till they are more capable, and make much use of the judgment of their guides. And weaker heads must take but a due proportion of time for self-searching meditations, lest they contract that troublesome disease: duties must be used with profitable variety, and all done under good advice. But young persons, and those that are yet unconverted, have need to fall upon it without delay; and to follow it till they have made sure their calling and election. O what a dreadful thing it is, for a man to come newly to the study of his soul, as a thing that he is unacquainted with, when sickness is upon him, and death at hand, and he is ready to pass into another world! To be then newly to ask, ‘What am I?’ and, ‘What have I done?’ and, ‘Whither am I going?’ and, ‘What will become of me for ever?’ is a most fearful state of folly.

Direct. 10. Terminate not your knowledge ultimately in yourself; but pass up unto God in Christ, and to the blessed privileges of the saints, and the joyful state of endless glory, and there let your meditations be most frequent and most sweet.