Conclusion

Conclusion — Apologetic — Address to Christians — To parents — To infidels — To the afflicted — To the sinner.

Thus, my dear reader, I have given you a brief sketch of my life to the present period. This I had often been solicited to do previous to my loss of sight, but numerous duties as a teacher, together with some reluctance on my part, prevented me from acquiescing in the wishes of my kind friends. Since my blindness I have been utterly incapacitated to the undertaking, although it has still been a desideratum, on the part of many whom I love, that the dealings of God with me should be brought before the public. Some have long and earnestly prayed, that God would raise up some one to do this work for me. During the last winter, while confined to the house by illness, a very dear friend called often to see me, and kindly offered, while subjecting herself to great inconvenience, to note down from my lips such events of my life as might seem instructive to others, and conducive to the encouragement of those who are striving through great tribulation to walk in the narrow way. That God may be glorified in the publication of this narrative, is my fervent prayer. For his glory alone I live. In the checkered scenes through which I have passed, I have ever found him “kind and gracious,” a very present help in time of trouble, I have had no sorrow that his own soft hand did not in due time alleviate; and though I have never had it to say that any chastening for the present seemeth to be joyous, yet I have always been enabled to feel that “it is good for me that I have been afflicted.” With a full heart I am therefore able to sing,

“‘Tis Jesus, the first and the last,

Whose spirit shall guide me safe home; I’ll praise him for all that is past.

And trust him for all that’s to come.”

In taking this retrospect of my life, I am burdened with an unutterable desire that all should come to the blessed Savior, and find joys such as earth can not give, or even take away. Let little children here be warned of the sad consequences of telling falsehoods. One transgression of this nature imbittered many years of my life. After yielding to this temptation I was afraid of God, and could no longer call him “Abba, Father,” in childlike confidence. This was my first downward step. If it had not been taken, I might have never been called to pass through such deep waters.

To parents I would say, be instructed, from my experience, not to discourage your children from seeking religion in the days of their youth. The rich promise to you, and to your children, is, “Whosoever will, let him take of the waters of life freely.”

To the infidel I would say, beware how you presume on the goodness of God, and trifle with your dearest interests — the interests of that spirit which is as deathless as the great Being who gave it! You can not tread the beaten path to eternal woe alone. The man who resolves on perdition, carries with him the atmosphere and influence of perdition; nor can he divest himself of this influence.

Others will follow in your own steps, adhere to your teachings, till, coming hand in hand with you to the shades of eternal despair,

“At last
They sink to everlasting ruin!”

The reader will remember Mr. Wade, who proved so successful in drawing my mind away from the truths of the Bible; and I will here give a brief sketch of his state a few months previous to his death, which I hope may serve as a warning to the skeptic, and induce him to relinquish his unbelief, and seek the Lord while he may be found.

Several months previous to his death, he was seized with an excruciating pain in his cheeks. Supposing it proceeded from decayed teeth, he had some of them extracted, but found no relief. A number of physicians were called in council, but none of them seemed to understand his case. His sufferings became more and more intense; and, without grace to support him, he became like a bullock unaccustomed to the yoke. At times he would rave like a madman, and give vent to such dreadful blasphemy against the Hand that afflicted him, as to cause those around him to shudder and shrink from his presence.

After a few days the violence of the pain subsided; but his face continued to swell till at last it lost all feeling. He then went, in company with his family physician, to New York, to consult with the principal surgeon in the hospital.

As he was returning home, he called at my father’s house to see us. The change in his countenance and manner I shall never forget. “Well, Mr. Wade,” said I, ‘’what did the doctor say to you?” “Do you ask me what he said?” answered he. “Why, he told me I must die. He said I might live six months, and I might not live three. He said it was a disease that not more than one in ten thousand are affected with — that my face and mouth will continue to swell till the passage in the throat is entirely closed up, and then I must starve to death!” Horror extreme was depicted in his countenance while he spoke, and he abruptly rose and left the house. These predictions proved too true.

For some time after he was able to walk out; but his disease gradually gained ground, till he was confined to his room. He had, up to this time, continued to cherish his former infidel views; he, however, gradually gave way, and his anguish of soul became so great that he could no longer conceal it. I visited him daily during his illness. One morning, as I approached his house, I could distinctly hear the voice of prayer. When it ceased I entered, and found him seated at his table, around which his family were seated at breakfast. He had been asking the blessing of God upon the food before them. As I addressed him he rose from the table, and advancing toward me took my hand, and said, “I am the most miserable man on earth, and, what is worse, there is no mercy for me!” He then walked to the looking-glass, on the opposite side of the room, pulled the muffles from his face, and, surveying himself in the glass, exclaimed, “Well might the doctor say not one in ten thousand is afflicted with this disease! Not one in ten thousand have sinned like me. Well may this mouth be smitten — this mouth which has uttered so many curses!” I endeavored to present to him the truths of the Gospel, and the hope of pardon while believing in Jesus. He suddenly turned toward me, and, taking my hand, fixed his eyes upon me, and said, “Do you think God can be just, and pardon me too — one who has been the means of leading so many immortal souls into this damnable error?” I replied, “God can be just, and yet the justifier of him who believeth in Jesus. The vilest may come to this all-sufficient Savior, and he will wash their sins away. He came not to call the righteous, but sinners to repentance.” “I have no doubt,” he continued, “that there are souls now in hell that I have been the means of sending there. Ah! and I tried to destroy your soul too! But you escaped my snare, and are at this moment more precious to me than gold!” My efforts to point him to his only remedy seemed unavailing: he refused to look and be saved. Some days subsequent to this, as I entered his room at evening, his countenance looked more placid; he said to me,” Well, Mary, I have done a great work to-day. I have burned all my infidel books, determined not to leave one of them behind to poison others. I am glad I have lived to do this.”

He sent for his former associates, to warn them ajxainst cherishinaf the views which he had endeavored to persuade them were true. He likewise sent for Mr. Thompson and other Christians, to talk with and pray for him. A weekly prayer meeting was held in his room, and he gave many evidences of hatred for sin, and desired only the society of Christians. He requested Mr. Thompson to make use of his name, whenever he thought proper, to warn sinners by his example. In a short time he was called into the presence of the Judge of all the earth, where, if filthy, we must be filthy still, and if holy, we shall be holy still.

To the sons and daughters of aflfliction I would say, ‘’Trust in the Lord, and do good; so shalt thou dwell in the land, and verily thou shalt be fed.” Love God with all the heart, and the words, “I have refined thee, but not with silver: I have chosen thee in the furnace of affliction,” will then be sweet to your soul. The judgments of God you will then esteem “true and rio-hteous altoo-ether,” and your path will grow brighter and brighter, till it is lost in one eternal day.

To Christians in every sphere I would say, press on — crowns appear in view, and mansions in heaven are your everlasting habitations. “Your fathers, where are they?” The apostles, where are they? 0, where, but in His presence, where is fullness of joy, and at His right hand, where are pleasures for evermore! Well may I say, press on! and consider that the suflferings of this present time are not worthy to be compared with the glory that shall be revealed.

Sinners, repent, that your sins may be blotted out, before that great and notable day of the Lord shall come. Fly now to the ark of safety, lest you should then be constraine’d to call in vain to rocks and mountains, ‘’Fall on us, and hide us from the face of Him that sitteth on the throne, and from the wrath of the Lamb!”