Funeral Sermon—Sympathizing Friends

Funeral sermon — Sympathizing friends — Deep mental anguish — False reasonings — Mr. Thompson’s advice — Ardent longings after the Savioi* — Humiliation, fasting, and prayer — A hymn — Strong consolation — Death of her only remaining child — Happy submission.

The next day her funeral sermon was preached, from the text found in Ruth i, 20: “Call me not Naomi; call me Mara: for the Almiohty hath dealt very bitterly with me.”

All my friends mourned and lamented with me; for they dearly loved my child. They endeavored to console me, and expressed much wonder that I should be so afflicted.

From this I was led to dwell much upon my repeated trials. Stroke after stroke had fallen heavily upon me, even when I was striving to serve the Lord with all my powers. It seemed as if he had turned to be my enemy, and was fighting against me. The enemy came in like a flood. I was tempted to murmur at his providences, and think hard thoughts of his holy ways. Thick darkness came upon me, and I could find no comfort. With Job I was constrained to cry, “Wherefore contendest thou with me?” My harp was hung upon the willows; my soul was brought very low.

In the depth of my sorrow I was led to reflect how I had been supported in former trials, and was led to inquire why I did not now receive the same consolation. I concluded that it must be because I had no religion. I was persuaded that I had deceived myself, and deceived the Church, I knew that they thought me a devoted Christian; but I felt that I must undeceive them. I resolved to make a public confession, and withdraw from that holy circle. With feelings like these I went to my pastor, and told him what had been my exercises of mind, and what my intentions were. “Ah, Mary!” said he, ‘’this is nothing less than a stratagem of the devil to divert you from your onward course. If you yield to his malicious insinuations you will be lost indeed. If you should now leave the Church, it will be a complete triumph to the enemy of souls. You have now come to ‘Doubting Castle.’ Your present feelings are an evidence of your religion. You are passing the ‘Valley of Humihation.’ God has hidden his face from you to try your faith. When the work is done, and you are sufficiently tried, you shall come forth as gold seven times purified.” Much more was said to the same purpose. After the conversation was ended he knelt and offered up prayer to God in my behalf. I returned home, but not comforted. I remained in this same disconsolate state for three months. I then began to feel such a longing after my Savior, such a desire for closer communion with him, as I can not describe. My mother was some distance from home, on a visit. I resolved to set apart the week for humiliation, fasting, and prayer. I commenced on Monday morning, and during the week ate the simplest food I could procure, and as little as possible of that. I went on perseveringly till Saturday morning. Still my Lord did not appear. I then prostrated myself before him, and prayed that the light of his countenance might, at that moment, dawn upon me — that he would be pleased to make known all his righteous will concerning me. I arose, took my hymn-book, and opened to the following hymn:

“I asked the Lord that I might gi*ow
In faith, and love, and every grace;
Might more of his salvation knovF,
And seek more earnestly his face.

‘Twas he who taught me thus to pray, And he, I trust, has answered prayer;

But it has been in such a way
As almost drove me to despair.

I hoped that, in some favored hour.
At once he’d answer my request;

And, by his love’s restraining power, Subdue my sins, and give me rest.

Instead of this, he made me feel

The hidden evils of my heart;
And let the angry powers of hell

Assault my soul in every part.

Yea, more, with his own hand he seemed

Intent to aggravate my woe; Crossed all the fair designs I schemed,

Blasted ray hopes, and laid me low.

‘Lord, why is this?’ I, trembling, cried;

‘Wilt thou pursue thy worm to death?” ‘Tis in this way,’ the Lord replied,

‘I answer prayer, for grace and faith.

These inward trials I employ,

From self and pride to set thee free;

And break thy schemes of earthly joy, That thou may’st seek thy all in me.’”

These words were applied in a very powerful manner. If heaven had been opened to my natural vision, and I beheld the mighty God upon his dazzling throne, I do not think I could have felt more of his presence than I did when reading these lines. New light broke in upon my mind; I remembered how I had been led; I saw that my kind Father had been chastising me, not for his pleasure, but for my profit, that I might be made partaker of that holiness which I had asked of him. I was enabled, through grace, sweetly to sink into his will. I could say, with all my heart, “Come sickness, sorrow, pain, and death; take husband, children, friends away; but give me Jesus.”

“Yes, let them go; one look from thee
Will more than make amends
For all the losses I sustain,
Of credit, riches, friends.”

I was deeply sensible that, without my Savior’s presence, though surrounded on all sides by kind friends, and though the hixuries of this life were heaped upon me in superabundance, yet I should feel myself poor, and blind, and miserable, and naked, and destitute of all things; but I knew that, if all things else were taken away, and my Savior left, I could

“Gladly wander up and down,
And smile at toil and pain.”

With my heart fixed on God,

“No changes of season or place”

could make any change in my mind — prisons would be converted into palaces by his glorious presence, and my joys be unspeakable and full of glory. I fell upon my knees, and praised my heavenly Father for the great love wherewith he had loved me. My prayer was all praise, and my soul was filled with glory and God.

One short week passed by, and the tomb again unvailed its bosom, to receive another of my treasures to its trust. Death had again crossed our threshold, and borne away my beloved Elizabeth from my arms. When I saw til at her eyes were closing in death, I exulted in the mercy of God; I felt to shout the praises of him whose ways were not as my ways, and whose thoughts were as far above mine as the heavens are above the earth. My language was, ‘’Take her, Savior; she is thine. All I ever received thou gavest me; I return it all to thee, knowing that thou wilt lose nothing of all that I have committed to thee; and when thou shalt appear, surely these shall also appear with thee in glory.”