Notes by the Way: Section VIII
“Therefore leaving the principles of the doctrine of Christ, let us go on tinto perfection; not laying again the foundation of repentance from dead works, and of faith toward God.”
“Soul! now know thy full salvation;
Rise o’er sin, and fear, and care;
Joy to know in every station
Something still to do or bear.
Think what spirit dwells within thee,
Think what Father’s smiles are thine; Think that Jesus died to win thee;
Child of heaven! can’st thou repine 1
Haste thee on from grace to glory,
Arm’d by faith, and winged by prayer; Heaven’s eternal day ’s before thee,
God’s own hand shall lead thee there.
Soon shall close thy earthly mission.
Soon shall end thy pilgrim days;
Hope shall end in full fruition.
Faith in sight, and prayer in praise.”
But little progress, comparatively, was gained by the almost unceasing efforts to ad-Vance in the heavenly way, until the successful endeavor, just glanced at, was made; from that period, through the omnipotence of faiih, she gained daily victories over the world, the flesh and Satan.
One of the most signal victories obtained immediately subsequent to the experience just stated, was at a meeting for social worship. A few disciples, whom grace had empowered to testify in experimental verity of Christ as a full Saviour, had given testimony to that eifect. A view of the impartiality of God in dispensing his favors flashed across her mind with such power, that her heart exclaimed with Peter, “Of a truth, I perceive that God is no respecter of persons.”
At once she began to cast in her mind thus: If I am but willing to make use of the same means, for the attainment of the same state of grace which these friends profess, God will surely give it.
She then formed the resolve that she would make use of every possible means for the attainment of the blessing. In doing this she felt the sacred responsibility of having lifted her hand to God, and immediately on an opportunity offering, she proved the sincerity of her heart, by acting correspondingly.
Tn making a frank statement of the views and intention that had just been influencing her mind, she felt that a snare was at once broken that had bound her for years. The duty of making confession with the mouth, had stood before her of all duties the most formidable, but she now formed the resolution, that if she should literally die in the struggle to overcome nature, that she would be a martyr in the effort, rather than that Satan should triumph,
A victory that told advantageously on all the subsequent pilgrimage of life was here gained, and the progressive steps were now rapidly taken, by which she was ushered into the King’s highway.
Aware of the proneness of the heart to forget the admonition divinely enjoined, “Thou shalt remember all the way which the Lord thy God hath led thee ... in the wilderness, to humble ihee and to prove thee,” she resolved from that time to be more diligent in noting down, for future remembrance, the Spirit’s gracious leadings, some of which stand briefly recorded as follows:
Feb. 23, 18 —. For some days past my soul has been longing after God; I have been waiting at Jerusalem for the promise of the Father; blessed be God the Father, the Son and the Holy Ghost, that my waiting has not been in vain; my faith has been as the dawning of the morning, clearer and yet clearer; and now the calm sunshine of God’s presence illuminates my soul.
The precious words, “Whereby are given unto us exceeding great and precious promises; that by these ye might be partakers of the divine nature,” were applied to my soul with much power this evening. Yes, I saw such comprehensiveness and depth of meaning in them, as I had never before apprehended. What! am / indeed to be made a partaker of the divine nature? Shout, 0 heavens! be glad, 0 earth!
And shall I indeed, even I, who have been so fearful and unbelieving, be yet able to comprehend, with all saints, what is the length, breadth, depth and height of the love of Christ? Shall / know the perfect love of God which passeth knowledge, and be filled with the fulness of God?
Yes! I shall be changed from glory to glory, until I shall be made like unto his own glorious image. Glorious hope! The faith of assurance tells me it shall be so.
I never before felt so truly as though all in Christ were mine. He who withheld not his own Son, will not withhold any good thing from me. Henceforth, O Lord, I covenant afresh, to devote all my powers more decidedly than ever to thy reasonable service. Wilt thou accept the offering, O my Saviour and my Redeemer? If so, O let- me feel from this moment that the sacrifice is received. O that to me the power were given, not to live one moment longer to myself. May my consecrated all, from this hour, in the strictest sense, glorify Thee.
I would that the time past should suffice, in which I have been so ungrateful, as not to render thee a whole-hearted service. Praised be the Lord! my strength and righteousness.
that he has honored me of late, by permitting me to bear his hallowed cross. I will now, through grace, choose it as cause of my greatest glorying. Lord, strengthen me: I am weak, but thou art everlasting strength, and thou art my portion.
Feb. 24. I have often felt as though God had called me peculiarly to a life of holiness. I have also felt that in order to be led in this way, the path of self-denial must be mine. Well, thanks be to God that he has given me, in a gracious degree, a disposition to walk in the way of his appointment. From the depth of my heart I can say, through grace, that I have deliberately chosen to walk in the more excellent way, even though the highway to it may be by passing through trials most contrary to nature. I know that my heavenly Father loves me. He will not require me to do any thing but what will be eventually for my good, and the glory of his great name. And is it not my greatest desire that his name should be glorified. Then let me not shun the cross. If, by following the motions of his Spirit, I can win souls to Christ, and thus lay
130 “the way of holinkss.”
up treasure in heaven, shall motives of nnere worldly prudence, unsanctioned by grace, deter me? Shall I lean to my own understanding, when he has declared that the wisdom of this world is foolishness with him? Rather let me tread onward in the footsteps of Him who was a “man of sorrows, and acquainted with grief.”
Feb. 27. Glory be to God that I have this day been enabled to resolve to follow the faith of Abraham, who, against hope, believed in hope. I now repose in the promises of the unchangeable Jehovah, believing that what he has promised he is fully able to perform. His promises are all Yea and Amen in Christ Jesus. 0 may I never rest till I have the witness of the Spirit, that my heart is the temple of an indwelling God, and possessed of the full confidence that Christ reigns supreme on the throne of my affections, bringing every thought into obedience to himself.
This is the blessing which I fully believe God has in reserve for me, “For this my cry shall never cease.” For several days past the eye of faith has been so intensely fixed on this point, that almost every breath has been a breathing after it. O Lord, make me holy; establish fully with me the new covenant. Thou hast said, “I will sprinkle you with clean water, and ye shall be clean: from all your filthiness and from all your idols will I cleanse you.”
I feel that I have been greatly deficient, and have lost inconceivably, by not exercising that faith which takes God at his word. That faith which is apprehended in the simple illustration, “God hath said it, and I believe it.” When looked at in this light, O how exceedingly sinful does unbelief appear. Doubt the veracity of the immutable Jehovah I Shall 1, a worm of earth, dare doubt the word of the omnipotent God? Shall I look upward and ask the fulfilment of a promise, with a feeling of hesitation whether God will fulfil his word? Spirit of Eternal Truth forbid it. Lord Jesus make me strong in faith.
June 17. I have of late been enabled, by the help of the Spirit, to improve in experience, and I have found it good to appeal to him who can be touched with the feelings of my infirmities. He knows the strength and sincerity of my desires to serve him fully. I have been pleading the promise, “They shall all be taught of God.” I triumph in the expectation that I shall be enabled, through the Spirit’s influence, to perfect holiness in the fear of God.
I have placed the standard of Christian excellence high, and have asked strength of Omnipotence to be enabled to reach the summit of my desires. “My heart is fixed! 0 God, my heart is fixed!” and though the opposition of a perverse will, the infirmities of nature, or crosses indescribably varied, may oppose; my progress, I trust, will yet, through grace, be onward and upward. I long to be made a monument of what the grace of God can effect on a once rebellious child of Adam. Oh, this I am sure is a holy ambition, and authorised by Scripture. I have been enabled to spend much time in secret prayer this week, and 1 feel that I have received a new degree of strength for the holy effort; but 0 how little to what I might have received, had my faith been more active and vigorous. Lord increase my faith and enable me ever to go on from strength to strength
June 18. I have thought, in view of the importance of time, that if governed by some rules, I might, perhaps, better accomplish my intention of devoting it more exclusively to holy purposes, and cause every moment to be more effectually written on the annals of eternity. I propose to rise at four; lo spend from four to six in devotional exercises, reading the Scriptures, &c.; from six till nine in various necessary domestic arrangements, family devotions; half hour devoted to prayer; till twelve in; a season for
prayer before dinner; one hour, if possible, from five to six, in devotional exercises — if not practicable, as soon afterward as the time can be obtained; resolved that much pains shall be taken that no encroachments be made on these rules. Also that the young persons in my Bible-class shall be daily remembered in my stated approaches unto God. I would also here resolve that I will endeavor, in the strength of the Lord, to take up every cross, determine never to shun it, when convinced of duty, but to take it up in the name of the Lord, and trust the Lord for the consequences; also that the attainment of a clear Scriptural faith shall bo most prominent in my petitions before the Lord. This I regard as a fundamental principle in a life of devotion. Each morning shall also witness a renewed dedication of all my redeemed powers to the Father, Son and Holy Spirit; still farther resolved, I will unceasingly aim at enfi7’e devotion of heart and life to God. The Lord help me in the performance of these resolutions.
June 24. In consequence of ill health, have not been able to observe all the resolutions in my last; an alteration in domestic arrangements has also, in a measure, frustrated my purposes; I regret that I do not with greater equanimity of feeling bear the thwarting of my purposes. O how much I need establishing grace. I know — O yes, 1 feel that it is, in all its richest plenitude, for me; and yet I live without it. O when shall my heart be circumcised, to love the Lord my God wit*li all my heart?
July 27. The Lord reigns unrivalled in my heart; he has my supreme affections; for some days past, I have experienced such a heart-felt want of the assurance of being cleansed from all unrighteousness, to know that the motives influencing every thought, word and action, originates from a pure fountain, that I last evening resolved that I could no longer do without it; between the hours of eight and nine, while pleading at the throne of grace for a present fulfilment of the exceeding great and precious promises; pleading also the fulness and freeness of the atonement, its unbounded efficacy, and making an entire surrender of body, soul and spirit; time, talents and influence; and also of the dearest ties of nature, my beloved husband and child; in a word, my earthly all, I received the assurance that God the Father, through the atoning Lamb, accepted the sacrifice; my heart was emptied of self, and cleansed of all idols, from all filthiness of the flesh and spirit, and realized that I dwelt in God, and felt that he had become the portion of my soul, my all in ALL.
Since which, though I have been exercised by many temptations to question the extent of the work, yi, blessed be God, they have been but temptations. The Spirit of the Lord hath raised up a standard against Satan, and I rejoice in the assurance that more are ihey that are for me than all that be against me.
My faith in the reality of the work grows stronger; I feel that instead of its being presumptuous to believe, it would greatly grieve the Spirit of my condescending Saviour, were I to doubt the all-sufficiency of his grace to sustain me in the full enjoyment of this blessing. Glory be to the Father! glory be to the Son! glory be to the Holy Spirit! my Triune God! my all in all.
As my heart has been, of late, much drawn out after God in the night season, for this inestimable blessing, even when my bodily powers have been under the influence of sleep my expectations were much raised last night, and almost my last thoughts, ere I gave myself to*” sleep, were, that the Lord would manifest himself much more gloriously. What was my surprise on awaking in a most frightful dream, — I thought I was standing in the back room, when a loud knock was given at the door; from the unseasonableness of the hour (being about eleven,) and the knowledge that all the inlets of the house had been some time previously secured, I knew that something must be wrong, but aware that I was equally in the power of the intruder whether I said, “come in,” or otherwise; I firmly said, “come in;” when a personage of more ferocious countenance and fiend-like in every particular than I had ever witnessed, came
in. “Is the in?” he demanded, in a very
authoritative tone. “He is in the front room, on the sofa, I replied,” thinking that as he passed through the folding doors, I could run behind him and give the alarm to the house, ere any injury had happened my dear husband. In the effort to scream for assistance, I awoke. It was suggested, “You were expecting some unusual manifestation for the further establishment of your faith, and where, even the usual tranquillity and breathing after God? Is this not enough to convince you that you were mistaken in the exercises of last evening?” There was something so taunting and fiendish in the whole matter, that I was sure it must be Satan, and as I had resolved that I would not parley with him one moment, aware that I have no power nor wisdom to contend with an ene= my so exceedingly subtle, I gave the whole matter over into the care of my covenant-keeping God, and again sunk sweetly to repose in the arms of Almighty Love.
About an hour or two afterward, I again awoke: but, O, the change, — I was aroused by an inward voice, saying, “Behold! I, an angel, beseech you that ye walk worthy of the vocation whereunto ye are called.” “An angel! an angel!” said I, aware that it was not the exact phraseology of Scripture. With these words I awoke, and 0! how my soul did exult in Christ as my full, my complete Saviour. I was reminded of the blessed Saviour’s temptation in the wilderness; also of the angels that afterward came and ministered to him. The witness was now given, with indisputable clearness, that I had not believed in vain; the full tide of joy flowed into my soul.
My beloved husband, who had been some months past in the enjoyment of this blessing, came in just after I had risen from my knees returning thanks for the manifestation just received. He had been from home on profes-, sional business, since the evening previous, and had -not heard of the manner in which God had blessed me, and when I related lo him the exercises of the evening previous, the way in which Satan had tried to disturb my peace, and the manifestation just received, he rejoiced with a joy unspeakable and full of glory. Amazing condescension! I cannot find words to express my views of the blessedness of this great salvation.
July 31. Still the Lord is with me; my contests have been severe with the powers of darkness, but the Lord my Redeemer hath strengthened me, and I have more than conquered; I have obtained a much greater increase of faith, and the Lord has, in much mercy, established my goings beyond my expectations; I feel that he is hourly establishing his kingdom of righteousness, peace and joy in the Holy Ghost, more firmly in my heart.
Yesterday and to-day the hand of the enemy has been, in a great measure stayed, and the Comforter has said to my soul,
“Israel now shall dwell alone
With Jesus in his heart.”
Glorious hope! 0 how my soul exults in it.
As the duties of the Sabbath have of late been rather arduous, T had been led to think from this and also other considerations, that temptations would abound, and I earnestly entreated God for strength to resist; but 0 how delightfully did I realize that my enemies were all gone. Never before did I so fully enjoy the presence of an indwelling God. Since which my heritage has been the deep, solid peace of a calm, composed spirit, resting in the embrace of Infinite Love. The breathing of my soul is, “The will of the Lord be done.” Do with me as seemeth thee good. Make me useful. Place me in circumstances as may best suit the purposes of thy grace for the attainment of this object. Only let me labor in thy vineyard, and choose thou the lime and place.
I would gratefully record the blessing of God on an endeavor for the conversion of a soul ?ast week — Miss B. I went, by the request of our pastor, to visit her sister, who had experienced religion at the altar the day but one
previous. Both Mrs. B and her sister
but after having received a saiisfactory account from Mrs. B of her
conversion, I turned to her sister and asked if she did not desire a h’ke blessing.
“I do not know that I ever felt the need of it,” she replied, in a very repulsive manner, and doubtless with the expectation of eluding all further attennpts. Aware of the intention of her repulsive remarks and manner, and assured that she had been guilty of the awful sin of lymg against the Holy Ghost, a holy boldness seemed to seize me, and with yearning of heart, I began to set before her the awful nature of the sin she had just committed, by denying the work of the spirit. “What,” said I, “never felt yourself a sinner,” in need of a Saviour, when God hath said, that there is a light that enlighteneih every one that comeih into the world? It cannot be!” I felt that I was assisted by a power beyond myself, while endeavoring to persuade and warn her to flee the wrath to come.
It was thus I endeavored to sow the seed, and left the event with God. The next evening she went forward for the prayers of God’s children, and last night she was brought most clearly into the light of his countenance. O my soul, magnify the Lord! My heart needed encouragement of this kind, in order to nerve it more firmly for future effort.
August 2. — By faith ye stand. This is hourly verified in my experience; for were it by positive demonstration from any of the grosser senses, the eye of faith had ere this been closed, and my soul left in a state of darkness to be felt.
0! shall I ever loose this blessing which I have lately gained, and which I still by faith retain? This blessing for which I have so long struggled? My heart recoils at the thought; — yes, and my nature too, for it also partook of the living intensity with which it was sought. Blessed be God forever, I feel that I need not lose it. My heavenly Father will not take it from me. He knows I could not answer the purpose for which his son left his bosom in my behalf, without it.
That the enemy of all righteousness contends is not matter of surprise. It would be were it otherwise. But 0! how much I need to be filled with the knowledge of the will of God, with all wisdom and spiritual understanding, in order to be better able to withstand, and also to understand the wiles of my foe.
I feel that I do grow in the knowledge of my Saviour, though not so fast as my expectations would have borne me. But my sufBciency is of thee, O Lord. I am thine — set apart — yes, sanctified to thy service; so says the breathings of my soul to my adorable Jesus.
Last night, the Lord my Redeemer condescended to take of the things of God and reveal them to me.
The enemy had been very powerfully suggesting throughout the day, and indeed much of the time since I received the blessing, has been spent in struggHng against the temptation, that 1 believe just because I will believe.
This suggestion assumed more plausibility during our afternoon meeting, than at any other time. The beloved friends that attend this meeting, who have heard me so frequently speak of late of my earnest desires for this blessing, were waiting to rejoice in my joy, but so entirely by faith on the naked promises was I called to rely, that, were it not that I was fearful that Satan might have a victory, did 1 not speak, I should have said nothing. Every moment while I was endeavoring to give in my testimony, the suggestion was urged, that I believed merely because I would believe. [ now praise the Lord that he enabled me to bear up amid this tempest, and give just as I resolved in defiance of Satan I would do, i. e. a simple narration of the manner in which God brought me into the enjoyment of this blessing.
When he found he could not drive me. from my purpose of making confession, he continously urged upon me, while speaking, that the cold matter-of-fact manner in which I made my statements, as if destitute of all feeling, would prevent the reception of my testimony. How well that I had previously counted the cost — resolved to believe God at all hazards.
I went to the evening meeting. Our dear
brolher S preached, but I scarcely heard
a word. I had resolved to die in the struggle to believe rather than to give up my confidence, and it seemed as if the matter had now come to the climax. I felt, after wrestling some time, that the Lord permitted me to come near the throne, and in much simplicity of heart, even as a little child to a tender parent, make known my grievances.
1 said, O Lord! thou knowest that I would not believe merely because I will believe, without having a proper foundation for my faith. And now, in condescension to my constitutional infirmities, my proneness to reason,
0 give me this blessing in some such tangible form, that the enemy of my soul may never be successful with the temptation, that I believe merely because I will believe. Thou knowest that I would not believe, without a proper foundation for my faith; and now let me have this blessing in some such tangible form, that
1 may know the precise ground upon which I obtained and also upon which I may retain it.
The answer came. New light burst upon my soul. The Holy Spirit took of the things of God, and revealed them unto me. It w’as by the unfolding of this passage to my understanding: “I beseech, you, brethren, by the mercies of God, that ye present your bodies a living sacrifice, bol3% acceptable, which is your reasonable service.”
I now saw that I had obtained this blessing, by laying all upon the altar. I had retained it, by still keeping all upon the altar, “a living sacrifice.” So long as it remained there, I perceived that both the faithfulness and the justice of God stood pledged iov’iXs acceptance. While kept upon this altar, it must be cleansed from all unrighteousness, for the blood of Jesus cleanstth; not that it can or loill, at some future period, but cleansetJi now, just while the offering is .presented.
By this I saw that I could no more believe for iho future moment, than I could breathe for the future, and perceived that I must be contented to live by the moment, and rely upon God to sustain me in spiritual existence, just;as confidently as for sustainment in natural existence.* So long as the offering was kept upon the altar, I saw it to be not only a privilege but a duty to believe.
I also saw that just so soon as I should begin to lean to my own understanding, feeling that I cannot do this or the other duty, just in the degree in which this is indulged in, the offering would be taken from off the altar, and I would have no right to believe the offering “holy and acceptable,” inasmuch as it is not such an offering as God has declared acceptable by the voice of the written word.
The infinitely efficacious blood was represented as ever flowing. And it is thus that the soul, laid upon the altar, is cleansed and kept clean.
O my soul, mayest thou ever remain upon the altar of sacrifice, and Thou, my strength and righteousness, forbid that any unhallowed Etct should ever cause its removal. It is by ihy power alone, O God, that I am kept. Here shall I ever feel the cleansing eflScacy. Here shall my soul fill and expand — fill and expand, till it shall burst its tenement, and faith shall be lost in sight.
August 6. — My peace has not been so great yesterday and to-day. I see wherein I think I might have walked more carefully before God. I have lamented my short comings, and still feel that my all is upon the altar. I have resolved, through grace, to live in the most enlire devotion to God. My inmost soul cries
out,
“None but Christ to me be given,
None but Christ in earth or heaven.”
To-morrow, Providence permitting, I go to the grove, Hempstead Harbor, L. I. I have faith to believe that Jesus viill go with me. My prayer is, “Unless thy presence go with me, send me not up.” Lord, strengthen my own soul, and make me useful to others.
August 14. The Lord my strength and righteousness, most gloriously answered the petition presented in that last written, even beyond my most enlarged expectations.
“He alone the work hath wrought.”
Glory be.to His name forever. O how eminently near was the God of my salvation, while going to the grove, and through the whole process of the meeting. I feel constrained to record to the glory of his grace, that he gave me a mouth to speak to others; to warn, entreat, and testify of his grace for the acceptance of all. He also gave me favor in the eyes of the people, and most truly did I experience that perfect love castelh out fear. I seemed to be borne quite above 2i:iy natural timidity, my care being so fully cast upon Christ, the rock of my salvation.
I received a hcarl-felt assurance that the
unction of the Holy One accompanied what I
said to the hearts of others, and at times I was
almost ready to stand still with amazement, and
“Wonder why such love to me,”
Why the infinite God should so gloriously condescend to use an instrument so feeble. Well, it was all of grace; and I have thus without sqfarcely intending it (for I have surely been led in a way I knew not) assumed a character I ever wish to sustain — that of being zealous for the Lord of Hosts. 0! may my motto ever be “onward and upward,” and God forbid that I should ever be less ardent in my course. My establishment in the blessing I have received, has been more deep and thorough with the experience of each successive day. I have power continually to offer myself a living sacrifice, without any reserve, and feel that the blood of Jesus cleanseth from all unrighteousness. 13
In reference to my future course, I wish to lie passive in the hands of the Lord, as an instrument to perform his pleasure in all things. My will is lost in the will of God. I would not — dare not choose for myself, though the clioicc were given. God is my All in AH. I walk by faith, and am enabled to endure as seeing the Invisible, and my enjoyment consists in a calm, quiet resting on the promises of the gospel, assured that it is my Father’s good pleasure to give me the kingdom. I feel at rest in the blessed persuasion, that if I, as a co-worker with him, make use of the means ordained for my advancement thitherward, the point will be gained. I know that the Holy Spirit has been given, the Co7nforter has come! and has taken up his abiding residence in my heartinciting me ceaselessly to every good word and work, and giving me a longing desire for the spiritual benefit of those around me — enabling me also to call upon God with a confidence heretofore unknown, or unfelt, being assured that it is the principle of holy life within me, inditing my petitions and enabling me to exercise faith for the fulfilment’ of the promises.
Glory be to the Triune God, for such a salvation! I feel a holy anribition to lay up much treasure in heaven — to get near the ihrone.
One morning during the process of this meeting, I was blest in a very peculiar manner. — I awoke about four o’clock with an intense breathing after God. I felt assured by the manner in which my soul seemed to grasp a signal blessing that the Lord was about to seal me more fully His. My prayer was. Lord seal me unto the day of redemption. There seemed to be a distinctiveness in the hallowed exercises of this season, that proclaimed the breatjiings of my heart to be the work of the spirit, to a degree beyond any former occasion. For near two hours I remained under these peculiar influences, breathing forth in unutterable longings; “Lord seal me, seal me unto the day of redemption.” I was enabled to ask with such a degree of faith as to realize that I had the thing I desired of God. Though days have passed since, the assurance of the blessing then received, has been increasing in stability. So sacred seemed the communion, so holy the covenant entered into betwixt the Everlasting God and the Spirit that came forth from him, of its assimilatinsr more and more like unto his own glorious image hei-Cy and being eventually reunited to him forever, that I have not had one temptation to doubt. The work was so entirely of the Holy {Spirit’s operation on my heart, and such a sacred conviction of this possescd my mind, while passing through the exercises of that memorable morning, that even the tempter has been silent in this matter. Well may I sing, —
“My hope is full, O glorious hope
Of immortality.”
This»was on Thursday, August the lOiIi. Surely it was a period to be remembered in the annals of eternity. Much of the day was spent in. laboring for and with souls — persuading professors to the duty of deciding for God entirely, and encouraging them to enter by faith into the enjoyment of their already purchased inheritance.
I was also much engaged with some seeking to know a pardoning God. An interview with
one of this description, a Mr. will long
be remembered with peculiar pleasure. Such a genuine inquirer after truth, where such a vehement desire to know Christ was manifested, I have seldonn witnessed. The Lord condescended to cause him to see the simple way of coming by faith, while I was conversing with him, and he soon began to repose in Christ as a. present Saviour. In endeavoring afterward to unfold to him the glory and extent of this salvation, he seemed to receive it with such ardour of feeling, and exhibited such maturity of views in the grasping of his desires, that I was constrained to offer, even for hisacceptance, a full salvation, the extent to which he received it, remains to be determined by the fruits brought forth; but thus far (and I have minutely marked his progress,) his Christian course has been signalized with an unusual degree of maturity and decision.
While we were dining this day, the table being crowded wath the bounties of heaven, I took advantage of the circumstance to expaciate on the fulness and freeness of the provision made by the gospel for all mankind — spoke of the ingratitude of man in refusing to partake of its proffered benefits, when by so many inducements invited.
Remembering that our beloved pastor had said, a few days since, that it was well to study human nature, and lake advantage of its diversified peculiarities; I cast my eye on a stranger on the opposite side of the table who looked as if whole-hearted in whatever he might undertake, and though an entire stranger, I felt as if I could read in his countenance, that he was whole-hearted in his rebellion against God. “Is it not ungenerous,^’’ J asked,” that Vt/hen such bounteous provision has been made, and the Great Master of the feast hath said, ‘Come, for all things are ready,’ that any should refuse?” “O,” said he, “I do not think of these things as you do,” and professed himself a Universalist. But I at once saw that 1 had touched upon the right cord in appealing to his ingratitude. An interesting conversation ensued, in which 1 felt the Lord touched his heart. I afterward took him upon my mind as a special subject of prayer. It was some time before he yielded to conviction, but on trying to extort a promise that he would pray for himself, in which I seemed to be unsuccessful, I said, ‘* well, if you will not pray for yourself, remember there will be one praying for you between five and six every morning. God will hear and answer prayer; I knowity and though he will not irresistibly compel you to 7/ield to the influences of his Spirit, he will irresistibly compel you to lee, those influences; and if you resist them you W’ill have to answer to God for the consequences.” He was now moved in a manner I had not before witnessed, and though he did not promise to pray for himself, yet I perceived by his embarrassed manner, that the Spirit was powerfully at w’ork on his heart, giving him to see that he was hedged about, and placed in awfully responsible circumstances. This was on board the steamboat, returning home.
On the Sabbath succeeding I saw him, and his countenance bespoke that the rebellion of his heart had, in a measure, been subdued. “I have made up my mind,” said he. But I afterward found that though his mind was made up mainly to devote himself to the service of God, there was one exception in which he determined to persist.” / tvill never go forluard to the altar for ‘praijer^ said he, God can just as loell bless vie any where else as there:’
I assured him, ‘’that he would never fm the Lord till he was willing to make any sacrifice, and sought with all his heart.” Fixed in his determination, he returned to his former state of rebellion, and for a few weeks, continued sinning against the most awful convictions, until, at last, when just about to yield to the temptation to plunge into scenes of daring impiety, he concluded to take one more glance at the scenes «f prayer to which he had of late accustomed himself, ere he made the plunge, when, one of the Lord’s dear servants observing him at the door of the place of worship, put his arm around his neck and begged him to yield to Christ. He did yield; and scarcely had he knelt to declare himself a humble seeker of salvation, ere a mighty saving change passed over him, and I was soon afterward sent for to rejoice with him, in the ardour of his first love.
He afterward informed me that at the time in the morning when I had said remember one will be praying for you,’’’’ he had the most awful sense of his sinfulness, and ihc displeasure of God, and one morning, at this hour, his convictions rose to such a height, that he arose and hid himself under the bed, as if to escape the presence of God. He is now apparently as whole-hearted in the service of God as he was formerly in the service of Satan.
September 11. — Precious Jesus,
““Where shall I thy praise begin 1”
Thou hast not disappointed my expectations. More than my most sanguine hopes have been realized.
Yes! blessed be God, my course is still onward and upward. My con:imunion’is with the Triune God — mv faith in his power and eternal veracity has been abundantly increased; I enjoy the constant visits of his love, and have realized that these visitations — nay, theseabidings of his presence are indeed transforming. Such has been the nearness of my communion, of late, that it seems but to look up through the power of the Spirit and see Jesus at the right hand of the Father, pleading my cause; his inspiring l.iniuagc to my soul, is, “Ask what thou wilt and it shall be done unto thee,” and then it is but to make the request, in order to realize the iiruuediate answer. Some answers to prayer, received of late, have indeed been extraordinary. Yes! I will sing,
Rise! rise, my soul! and onward, onward still, All is well, all is well,
God shall, with all, with all his fiilnoss fill, All Is well, all is well;
iStrongrr than death hi.s love to thee;
And thou to all elernity,
A monument of craee shall bo.
All is well, all is well.
1 was lately asked to converse with an irreligious yoiuig lady, when a suitable occasion jnight olTcr. The individual, on iriaking the rc(niest, slated that the associations of the lady had been such, that much caution might be necessary in approaching her. I could not conceive iruich of an idea of a genteel ncglecter of God, and fch rather disposed to indidge a disposition not to come in contact with her, thinking that I should give uneasiness to interested friends, should I declare what 1 bclieveil
to 1)0 llio whole coimaol of God to her soul, which I inlcndcd to do, should I fall in with her. Under unexpected circumstances, she was introduced, and I at once began to deliver what I believed to be a message from Ood to her soul.
The Lord condescended to make it at once a word in season; she became powerfully awakened, and ilu; sauio day, began to seek the Lord with all her heart, and the next morning was made a witness of ilis pardoning mercy.
She has since become as decided and ardent in the service of (jlod as she formerly was in the service of the world — has become a witness of the perfect love of (jrod, and is bringing forth fruit unto holiness.
September 9 — Last evening, H, ihc
woman living with me, entered into the rest of perfect love. She had been struggling for it through the day wilh much fervour. Early in the evening, she came to iny room, and while conversing with her, the ardour of her desires so increased, that she began to cry, “J will not let Ihee go until thou blcjss me.” Jler anguish was very great, so that her groans and rries miht have been heard through the house. The Lord whom she sought, suddenly canne to His temple, and His entrance was glorious. She was, for some time, quite overpowered with the weight of glory that rested upon her.
0! what am I, or my father’s house before me, that I should be so favored of God? From her first coming to live with us, 1 have felt that the Lord sent her in answer to prayer.
Assured that the most minute circumstances, inducing care, are not unknown to God, and as he hath said, for these things will I be inquired of by the house of Israel; I earnestly asked that he would take my cause in hand. It gave me much plea’sure to hear her say, soon after she had been so powerfully blessed, “I asked the Lord to direct me to some place where I might enjoy Christian privileges, and blessed be his name, this house lias been a heaven to me ever since I came.’’ Glory be to God!
After jetiring to rest, I had severe buffelings from Satan. The conflict was so great that
1 awoke my dear companion to speak of it.
He was so overcome v;ith sleep that he scarcely aroused, but only said, “My grace is sufficient for thee.” I inamediately rose from my pillow, and renewedly and yetmore confidently threw myself upon the all-sufficiency of grace — and though the enemy did not cease to throw his darts, I trusted in my Saviour to ward them off, and soon fell asleep; and awoke after sweetly refreshing repose, with peace reigning throughout all my borders, and filled “vfith the joyous presence of God,
October 6. — Still living in the enjoyment of di present salvation; my time has been so fully occupied of late, that I have not taken time to record the various loving kindnesses of the Lord as frequently as formerly; I have almost regretted this, foi I ever prove it a blessing to be thus engaged, and then I find the review so inspiring for subsequent consideration.
I have been almost inclined to regard remissness in this, unless unavoidable, as remissnqss in duty. But the record is written upon my heart, and I trust, by the help of the Spirit, that the record of my daily walk and conversation, may be a living epistle, read and known of all men, during life; and in the world above tell forever on the records of eternity, to the praise and glory of God.
God has, of late, in great mercy, made some of the young persons in my Bible class, members of the household of failli; last Sabbath the excitement was so great, that we were not able to attend to the ordinary duties of the class; they are daily remembered by me before the Lord. God is the hearer, and the answerer of ‘prayer,
I have also been permitted to see some gracious fruit of my labor on my Tract District; several seem to have been, in a measure, awakened, while urging upon them the importance of religion; one, especially, a professed Deist, possessed of talents of an order calculated to tell on the ranks of Infidelity, has promised, and I believe sincerely, to investigate the truths of Christianity; my interest for him was much increased, by what human foresight would have pronounced an accidental circumstance. Part of my regular parcel of tracts for this month’s distribution, had been mislaid, and I took a few of the “Mother’s last prayer,” to hand, in case the others should not hold out. From his knowledge of the subject of religion, I was impressed with the belief that he might once have had pious associations; I handed him the tract just mentioned, and said, “perhaps you have had a pious mother;” he betrayed emotion, and said, “yes.” I now found the avenue to his heart much more accessible than before, and he acknowledged that he had been educated in Europe, for the ministry in the Episcopal Church.
Other cases of much interest have come under my observation this m.onth. Surely the work of tract distribution is the work of God; in no other duty do I feel more emphatically as a laborer in the vineyard. How noiselessly, and yet how effectually may the good seed here be sown, in hearts not’ otherwise accessible. Blessed be God, that I was ever permitted to engage in this blessed cause.
Friday. — A person of deep piety called in to-day, and in the narration of her early experience gave an unusual exhibition of the awful temerity of setting God a time. She is now about forty-three. At the age of fourteen.
when away from home to attend school, God converted her soul. She continued very happy in the enjoyment of religion, and often thought with what great delight she would inform her friends, on her return home, of the happy change. One day, when on the eve of departure, as she was thinking wishfully of the scenes in which sh’c was about to mingle, and of the surprise with which the gay circle would receive the intelligence of her conversion, she began to hesitate about the propriety of telling them at once. The Spirit suggested, “You had better inform them immediately, or you may never do it.” The tempter presented, in glowing exhibition, the disappointment of gay young friends, who viould regard her as forever lost to their society, should she profess her conversion. The Spirit of God strove mightily; but notwithstanding she had been favored with much of its happifying influences, so strong were the world’s delusive phantoms, that she deliberately made up her mind, after thinking of it some time, not to say any thing on the subject of religion; and in doing this the Spirit assured her, that she would in effect give up
NOTES BY THE V/AY- 165
I’he subject entirely. Awful to relate, she concluded to let the matter come to this point, and resolved to give up the enjoyment of religion altogether, until she should arrive at the age of twenty. The Spirit of God from that moment ceased its strivings, and she was left to pursue unchidden, the follies of the world. When about eighteen she was arrested by a very singular disease. Many physicians were consulted, but her case was pronounced inexplicable. It began with a slight malconformation of her person, which gradually increased to such a degree, as at first to embitter, and eventually forbid all enjoyment in the gay scenes, to which she had been most ardently devoted. She now saw, and Satan seemed also to love to taunt her with the barter she had made, and for a time she was left to reflect on her folly in utter despair of the mercy of God. She imagined that she had received the mark of Cain, and was unwilling to look up to either God or man. Her person continues to be increasingly deformed. But some year-s since, after years of despair, she was enabled to trust in the mercy of God, and is now a happy be-
1G6 “the way of holiness.”
liever; yet still fully believes that she carries about in her person, the mark of the displeasure of the Almighty.
October. — Went to the tract distributers’ meetinir this evening. Had a veiy delightful and profitable season. I was much drawn out in prayer that every sold might be blest. The Divine sanction seemed to be given, and a heavenly influence appeared to pervade the minds of all present, while in sweetest unity, those of dilYerent denominations together joined in humble clVort and aspimtions, for the success of this blessed cause. Surely it has most peculiarly the smiles of our Lord.
November 20. — The Lord still comlesccnds to water the seed sown in my Bible Class. Three more profess to have found the Lord. I dare not doubt the genuineness of the change. The Saviour said, “By their fruits ye shall know them,” and they raanifest most obviously that the love of God is shed abroad in their hearts, by their ardent love and zeal for the salvation of others. There seems to be a general awakening in the class. The Lord has laid the burthen of their souls upon me in such
a manner, that nay soul is continually sayinrr, “I will not let thee co,” until ihou bless them.
0 what a stewardship, to have souls in charge!
1 have deeply felt of late the responsibility resting upon Sabbath School Teachers. How many seem to be but little aware of the importance of the duty thus imposed upon them, by having souls entrusted to their culture. The seed, whether of lax Christian principle, or of ardent, enlightened piety, seems to take root so readily and surely when sown by the hand of the Sabbath school teacher. T shall never forget the ardent love, and the idea of perfection in religion and manners, with which I renjarded rny Sabbath school teacher. And it was doubtless the seed sown thus, when probably not more than seven or eight years old, that the Lord caused to spring up, when I first received the assurance, that the Saviour took me as one of the lambs of the fibck to the bosom of his love, which was four or five years afterward.
November 27. — Called to-day on some Christian friends. I was greatly interested with one young friend just on the verge of eternity. She is young and fascinating: but just merged into womanhood, and life opening with exhilaration before her. Yet the opening prospects of life and immortality possess still greater charms, as the world recedes from her vision and the expectation of recovery decreases. She is now longing to go, and her cry is, “Lord, give me patience to wait thy time.” I have thoudit that the Lord was takini her from the evil to come. But a few months since, in the midst of an excitement in religion, she was taken into the fold of Christ. A renunciation of gay society and conformity to the world, seemed not to have been included in the account, when she espoused the cause of Christ. Some Christian friends, who had counted the cost, knew well that a life of piety founded on such principles, could not endure the storms of temptation to which she stood continually exposed, by the associations surrounding her, and tremblingly they watched her progress. But the Heavenly Watcher, almighty in power and infinite in love, is now about taking her most gently from the impending storm.
From a review of the/ciFCumstances in which this young lady was placed, my mind has been much impressed with the weight of responsibiUty resting upon those parents, who, though they have embraced religion with its self-denying principles, as the belter way for themselves, yet as though the children with which God hath entrusted them, were in a manner distinct from themselves, bring them up and place them in associations, calculated to fascinate them with the frivolities which they have renounced, as inconsistent with a life of piety. How strange the infatuation! It is in effect bringing them up in a way from which they intend and pray that they should depart and yet encourage the pursuit.
December 5. — A ,new and singular source of temptation was presented last evening, and God gave signal victory. The Lord has of late permitted the fruit of my labor to be apparent to an unusual degree. “You would not labor so assiduously,” said the tempter, “were it not that the fruits were evident to tho.se around you.” Seldom have I felt more indignant, and I began to anticipate, with a longing to which 1 had almost been a stranger, a speedy dismission from the body, so that my free spirit un vexed by the accusations of Satan, might soar unhindered, on any errand of love to which God might appoint. Yes, I began to long for the freedom of a disembodied spirit, where, unobserved by mortals, I might do the will of God as angels do in heaven. At once a sphere of labor was presented., where, unobserved by any other than the eye of God, I might work. The minister who was preaching w-as a timid young brother, and there, were elder brethren in the ministry listening, which seemed to weigh heavily upon his spirit. It was suggested, you may help that young brother by asking in faith, that the Spirit may help his infirmities, and speak through him. The Lord now gave a perfect victory over Satan, by inspiring my soul with mighty faiih in pleading for his servant. And God did indeed speak through him. The brother seemed raised above his former self, and though not previously a time of awakening in our church, several souls were powerfully awakened through the exercises of the meeting. Ten went forward to be prayed for. Never before had 1 such a view of the impotency of human instruments. Not only did I know, but I felt beyond the power of expression, that they were powerless, only as God condescended to give them efficiency. After the persons had presented themselves for prayer, it was suggested, this may all amount to nothing after all this ado; ’tis sudden excitement, which will not be likely to eventuate in much. I then began to plead that every one of them might be converted Before leaving the altar, and at the close of the meeting the announcement was made that every one of them had been blest.
Dec. 13. — All the ardent desires of my soul are sweetly centred in God. I feel that I have not one desire apart from that which may promote His glory. He is my All in All. I enjoy a silent heaven of love. The beauty of holiness more and more captivates my enraptured soul. Spirit of Holiness, continue to breathe upon me thy purifying, soul-transforming influences. I have ever found, after every season of intense wrestling for more conformity to the divine image, that it has invariably been given, though I may not at the time have realized it. We cannot draw nigh to
God without p7’oving that He draws nigh to us, though at the moment our faith may be tried, and we not fully apprehend it. Communion with God must necessarily be transforming.
14. — At our class meeting last night, God was eminently present. The place seemed to be sensibly filled with the Divine presence. —
Mrs. was present, and gave in a glowing
testimony. About three months .since she was translated from the kingdom of darkness to the kingdom of God’s dear Son, through the instrumentality of a devoted female friend. Previous to this her associations were with the gayest of the gay. Theatres, ball rooms, and parties were the life of her existence. But oh! what a transformation grace hath made. — From her first selling out, she gave up the world, and became whole-hearted in the service of God. It was only the next day after her conversion, that the Spirit assured her that she must leave the things that were behind, and urge her way onward to the attainment of holiness. Two weeks since she obtained the blessing. It was not hard to get at the meaning of being sanctified throughout, body, soul, and spirit, while beholding her enraptured countenance last night. Her very looks carried a conviction to the heart, that she viras filled with the sanctifying influences of the Spirit. Since her conversion, her husband, n[iother,and servant with two or three other members of the family, have all sought and found the Lord. How striking the difference in the progress of Mrs.
and the majority of those who set out in
the heavenly way, too many of whom seem not to have counted the cost, and made calculation on the sacrifice of all things for Christ. And how many of such seem to be rather a hindrance to their unconverted friends by holding out a false light, rather than bringing them by persuasive example and mighty prayer to that Saviour, who hath said “Except a man take up his cross and follow after me, he cannot be my disciple.”
Jan. 4. — I have been praying of late for power to apprehend more fully the hope of my calling. I have longed for clearer perceptions of the glory of my inheritance. The desire of my heart has been granted. Heaven seems not only as near, but as in part enjoyed. Yes, eternal life is begun. The presence of God fills my soul, and
“His presence makes my paradise,
And where he is, is heaven.”
I have sometimes thought that the enjoyment of glorified spirits in heaven, and those enjoying the full salvation of the redeemed on earth, diflfers mainly in degree, not in nature. An aged brother, who seems to be on the borders of the promised land, gave an interesting relation last night, of one lately escaped from earth. He was standing by her bedside at the eve of her departure. “Do you hear the angels sing?” said she. The individual addressed said, “No, I do not. Do you?” — ^’Yes,” she replied, “I do.” “And why cannot you join with them?” inquired the friend. She then began, and in tones and words of unearthly sweetness, joined, as was fully believed by the surrounding company, with the heavenly choristers. “I never heard the like before,” said the aged saint, ‘’ and I never again expect to hear the like this side of heaven.” The physician, an unconverted man, standing by, was filled with astonishment, and said, “1 would not have missed that for a hundred dollars.”
Jan. 31. My faith has been both tried and strengthened by a circumstance of recent occurrence. It being necessary for me to change a servant, I confidently sought direction from God in making the exchange. I almost immediately found that she was in no ordinary degree a servant of the wicked one. I never remember to have had one about me that seemed more truly under demoniacal influence. I thought her unhappiness seemed in part to arise from the fact that she could not, by her various provocations, disturb the heavenly quietness of those around her. I would have part-ed with her immediately, but thought I would keep her one week, solely for the purpose of seeing whether Almighty grace m.ight not in some way subdue her heart. The last day of trial came, and matters seemed to have grown worse instead of better. As I knelt before the Lord in order to present her case, and also to implore divine direction in filling up her place, the enemy suggested. Did you not believe yourself to have been directed in getting the one you are now about to part with? and behold, it has been evil and only evil, and that continually. Is this not enough to make you question whether God regards all these little matters? The suggestion indeed seemed plausible, but my heart said, ^’Though I die, I will not remove my integrity from me.” And I concluded the matter thus: perhaps after she has been weeks or months from us, she may remember that there was something in religion to make people happy, and sustain under provocations; something that she has heard may be as seed sown, that may result in her conversion months hence. As I rose from committing my cause believingly to God, I was called into the other room to converse with a penitent, greatly distressed. He remained two or three hours, his agony apparently continually increasing. In the mean time the woman came repeatedly to the door to call us to dine, and I as often beckoned her away, as I had no intention of leaving him until he had received comfort. A shade of uneasiness crossed my mind as she looked in on his distress, thinking that she might form strange ideas of religion, on witnessing sitch violent emotions of sorrow, but I cast my care upon God, assured of His ability to take care of His own work, and continued to point him to the Saviour, and wrestled in prayer with him until deliverance came. The transition was glorious and almost overwhelming. In the mean time, my dear husband with others had come in, and the now happy child of God, as if he was almost beside himself with joy, went hastily around the room, grasping the hand of each, with flowing tears, exclaiming, ‘* Oh, bless the Lord! He kas forgiven all my sins. Oh, bless the Lord — bless the Lord!” At this crisis the woman again came to the parlor door to repeat the call for dinner. Seeing the door open, he ran to it in his bewilderment of joy, and grasping her hand exclaimed, “Oh, praise the Lordi He has forgiven me all my sins. Oh, praise the Lord!” he continued to exclaim, still holding her hand, while tears of joy coursed down his cheek most rapidly. No responsive feeling answering to his joy, seemed only calculated to prolong his appeal, and he continued to retain her.
hand, still exclaiming, “Oh, praise the Lord!” A few minutes after we went to dine, and to the rejoicing of our hearts, witnessed that God had at last touched her stony heart. She had been weeping bitterly’, and hastened on seeing us to another room, to hide her emotion. Afterward, on conversing with her, I found that she was most powerfully awakened. On trying to encourage her to seek the Lord, “Oh,” said she, “I shall never reach that ark of safely. I had a dream some time since, when I saw an ark floating down a river, and it was said to me, * You will never reach that ark of safety-’” She continued in great distress until time for evening meeting. It was necessary for me to remain at home if she went, and I advised her to improve the first moment of opportunity that was given for seekers to present themselves for prayer. I afterward learned from one that saw her, that just so soon as the invitation was given, she literally rushed forward, as if driven to desperation by a consciousness that her case would admit of nodelay. When there, with an impetuosity of. feeling that could oaly be warranted from the view she afterward told me she had of the impending wrath of God, that seemed to be resting down upon her soul, in such fearful magnitude, that she felt as if life could not have been sustained any longer, unless it had been removed, she cried, “God have mercy upon me;” and she continued to cry, as did Bartimeus, with a loud voice, “God have mercy on me a sinner,” and like him, strange to relate, she was chidden by some of the Lord’s well-meaning children. But they knew not the anguish of her spirit. Toward the close of the exercises I was released from home, and went to the meeting. The cry, “Lord, have mercy,” met my ear as I entered, but though I knew that all things were possible with God, I could scarcely conceive that the pride of
C y had been so suddenly put down as to
bring her to that point. But on ascertaining that it was indeed her, 1 hastened to the altar. On being apprised that I was coming, she turned toward me, and with one of the most imploring looks I ever witnessed, exclaimed,
*’ Oh, my dear Mrs., do you think God
can have mercy upon me?” She seemed to be in a measure soothed while, with sympathetic feelings, I endeavored to point her to the Lamb of God. She continued to chng to the altar, though the people had mostly retired, until God spoke peace to her soul. But her case after conversion was strikingly dissimilar from the one in the morning, or unlike any that I have before witnessed. After she was forgiven, she seemed to be so overwhelmed with the stupendous mercy of God, that I do not remember that she uttered a syllable as expressive of joy. We knew that Jesus in a mom<5nt bade the troubled waves be still, by the sudden stillness that succeeded. There was a great calm, but the solemnity of death sat on her countenance, and she now willingly, and I think, silently arose and left the altar. The next day she informed me that on retiring to rest that night, she tried to pray, but scarcely knew how. It was a duty to which she had been a stranger. In the morning she arose about four o’clock, and “Oh 1” she exclaimed, “I could pray then.” About ten, on the morning of the same day, while arranging matters in the room where I was sitting, the person who had been instrumental in bringing her to the house came in, and she went down to see her. ‘* Did y011 tell Emma what God has done for your soul?” I enquired.
*’ 0 yes,” she replied, “I feel as if I wanted to tell all the world.” “I am glad you do feel so, C,” said I, *’ for I should be inclined to think, that any one not desirous to spread such good news had deceived themselves. It was probably the first time that sha had ever heard it possible for persons to deceive themselves in matters of religion, and Satan took the advantage of her ignorance in a moment. She dropped the work in vtdiich she was engaged, and, as if astounded, exclaimed,
“Am I deceived r “No, C,” said I,
“you are not deceived; it is the enemy of your soul tells you so: you are no more deceived than I am.” The contest lasted for a few moments, and it really seemed as if she would have given up her confidence, and all be lost, when all at once, just as suddenly as the tempter had come, he was driven away, when strange to relate, she threw herself on her knees at my feet, and began to exclami in a transport of joy,” No, I om not deceived! I
am not deceived! Mrs., your prayers
have saved me.” Her joy was now as ecstatic and commmiicative, as was that of the individual who the day before had been instrumental in her awakening.
I have learned lessons through these circumstances which I trust ever to remember. One is, never to give way to discouragement, however dark and contradictory intervening providences may appear. Another — that the Lord has his own way of doing his own work. His thoughts are not as our thoughts. I thought
the extreme distress of Mr. prejudicial to
the interest of religion in the mind of the wicked C. From her distress, I also became
convinced that it is in mercy to the guilty soul that the Almighty withholds a full view of the exceeding sinfulness of sin, as it would doubtless paralyze its energies, and it would sink, overwhelmed with the view, into the horrors of an awful eternity. And yet another lesson, and I think it indeed important. I might have been a partaker in the over-solicitude of those dear friends, who “charged her to hold her peace,”
had I not been personally acquainted with the circumstances of the case, and known with what perfect aversion she would have regarded the circun:istance of making such a spectacle of herself, had it not been for those overwhelming perceptions of guilt, which doubtless swallowed up every thought of outward things. We had thought ourselves on the eve of a glorious revival, but since that night a check, sudden and mysterious, has been ptit to the work. — The change was so sudcen,.’hat some have said, “Sister, what dc you think can be the cause?” My mind ^’las i.ivariably attributed it to one cause, and thati’s, that the ark of God was over-solici-^ously steadied, when that individual was Kfged to hold her peace, and when it was sal,” What a pity that the meeting should ave been so disturbed, when it was
onlj ’s servant.”
At the commencement of this protracted meeting, I was very desirous that a day of fasting and prayer should be observed by our people for its success. I hardly know why it was, but the suggestion did not receive official -sanction to the degree anticipated. I concluded to observe the day previous to the commenceirienl of the meeting thus, to the degree that my infirm health would allow, and I have not only been much blessed and strengthened in my own soul, but the Lord has condescended lo bless my endeavors to be useful to others, beyond what has been ordinary with nie on similar occasions. Several seekers have found the Lord while at our house.
March 14. Oh Monday evening, at the Sabbath School prayer-meeting, an opportunity offered for speaking, which on ordinary occasions I had been accustomed to improve. — Seldom have I been recuired to walk more exclusively by naked faith, con’u-nding against the buffetings of the enemy. A uhort silence ensued, and no one seemed ready to ^:ill up the lime. A new trial presented. 1 did nu. seem to have one word to say; — barrenness in reference to a subject, and conflicts with the enemj, would have prevented my saying anything, had it not been said to my soul, “Now is the time to test the faithfulness of God; He hath said, ‘Open thy mouth wide, and I will fdl it.’ If you do not speak now that the circumstances
require it, it will be said, ’ what do ve more ihar. others;’ and now, if you would prove His faithfulness, you must open your mouth firsts and then trust God to Jill it. Upon the strength of the promise I arose. God did fill my mouth in such a manner as it had never been filled before, on a similar occasion. — Blessed liberty of soul was at once given, every snare broken, and my soul rejoiced with a joy unspeakable and full of glory. Soon as the exercise demanding the effort had passed over, the trial of my failh was again resumed, and continued until it seemed necessary, from the circumstances in which I was placed, that I should join in prayer. I commenced with feelings similar to those under which I had spoken, and God again gave blessed liberty. — Yesterday, at our afternoon meeting, my exercises, and the trial of my failh, were identical with those of the evening previous, and the grace to help in time of 7ieed was bestowed iohen required, and withdrawn when not required, precisely as it had been on Monday evening. Well, let it be even so. I have
counted the cost of living a life of faith on the
Son of God, and now, that I am brought tolhe test, shall I repine?
March 29th. — The Lord has brought my soul into a place of broad rivers. Rivers, as they verge toward the mighty ocean, become broader and deeper. Thus I find in my onward course, the nearer I approach the ocean of infinite purity, love, and unbounded blessedness, the more my soul partakes of the nature of those enjoyments, and becomes yet more closely and consciously allied to the glorious source, to which it is tending.
My faith has been strengthened, and my soul much blessed, in reading an account of the christian experience and happy death of a little sufferer, who has lately finished her pilgrimage at the age of nine. She was an extraordinary sufferer, with a spinal affection, for about two years before her death. Her friends cannot remember to have heard one murmuring or repining word during the whole process of her illness. She gave a uniform exhibition of the blessed overflowings of a heart, where
“Christ alone did dwell,
All praise, all meekness, and all love.”
She was subject to the most violent paroxysms of pain, yet when asked, “Would you not like to get well?” would reply, ‘’ No; I do not think it is the will of God, therefore I would not.” Her experience brought out to an unusual degree the meaning of the Saviour’s words, “Except ye become as little children,” &c. It is said that she regarded the Bible as literally the word of God, and treasured it up in her heart, with all that childlike simplicity and sweetness that it might have been supposed she would have done, had the Saviour spoken audibly to her.
April 6th. — Have been reading a book entitled, “The Importance of Small Things.” — The author (a good man, I am sure,) differs greatly in opinion from the generality of professors of the present day. I should suppose that truth lies between the two. It is my opinion that the Lord generally calls us to be lights to those around us, by a consistent christian example, in just the circle from which He has singled us out. Those of “Cesar’s household” were possessed of facilities, from natural causes, to be useful to those of the king’s palace, above those who were unaccustomed to scenes of loyally, and its variousunenviable associations; but yet it should not be forgotten that there were saints even there. — And thus with those of every grade in life. — God makes use of our moral and physical training in fitting us for the place in His temple, which He designs we should fill. Placed here by His own hand, we adorn and beautify it; elsewhere, we deform it by evident unseemliness. Paul speaks of being all things to all men, in order by any means to win some. And Christ also says, “The children of this world are wiser in their generation than the children of lifrht.” This was doubtless in allusion to their various nameless expedients to advance their worldly interests. As illustrative of this, one brother remarked, some time since, that if he was among the Indians, and could do more good by wearing a blanket, he would wear one. This recognizes, in my opinion, the principle upon which Paul practised; a principle which the Lord deeply implanted in my soul, the hour when He gave me the witness of perfect love. I have felt since that I have no interest apart from the interests of the Redeemer’s kingdom. The Lord has assured my soul that the kingdom of Heaven does not consist in meats and drinks, but in righteousness, peace, and joy in the Holy Ghost. Yet, oh! how I have mourned to witness some, who, from a love of conformity to the world, feed the vanity of the unsanctified heart, prove a stumbling block in the way of others, and make shipwreck of faith and a good conscience. Some, doubtless, will find in the eternal world, that the priceless soul has been lost, by the valueless trifles of mere outward adornment. Not that there was sin in the articles themselves, but in the pride that they tended to cherish. Yet these are nice points to determine. I have knowm some inclined to unchristianize those that did not conform to a standard, which had perhaps been begotten from early parental prejudices and associations. I have seen others also that seemed influenced by the principle, thai habits unlovely, and manners uncouth, were necessary to mortify the pride of the heart, and the exhibition of these unlovely traits needful, in order to show that the heart was humble, not aware that ihey were in the mean time sinning against the express Scriptural requirements, “Be courteous,” “Whatsoever things are lovely,” &;c. It seems very reasonable to me that the christian whom Christ hath chosen out of the world, should manifest in spirit, manner, and dress, a detachment from the thinirs of earth.
April 17. — I have found blessed satisfaction of late, in bringing the promises and the Promiser together. What a privilege to be permitted to take God on the strong ground of his own infallible word! Called to-day toseeH — , the woman who was so greatly blessed, while living with us, some time since. She has been sick several weeks, and is apparently just on the vevcTQ of heaven. On askinsj her whether she would not rather depart and be with Christ, she replied, “If raising my finger would decide the point, I would not dare do it.”, Her health became so infirm that it was necessary she should embrace an opportunity that oirered, where she would have but little to attend to. — On going, she found that the family in which she had engaged did not have family prayer, the husband being irreligious. H expressed her disappointment, and said she felt as if she could not stay in a fanaily where she should be deprived of this privilege. She then n:iodestly said to the lady, who was a
christian woman, ‘* If Mrs. will pray and
read one morning, I will the next.” The lady consented to the proposal. The husband soon began to manifest interest on the subject of religion, and the Lord laid the weight of his soul
on H ’s mind in such a manner, that to
use her own language, she reeled as one intoxicated under the weight of her feelings. — This intense excitement was more especially during one Sabbath. As she was going to church, she was so absorbed in travail of soul for him, that she was forgetful of all around her, or where she was, and being unable to proceed to church, she sat down by the way, and continued, she was not aware how long, in agony of soul for him. That night, he went to the inquiry room, became deeply awakened, and soon afterward became a happy believer in Christ; and in heaven will doubtless remember the humble individual, who was instrumental in i- earing the family altar.
July 2d. Oh, what a heavenly sweetness has just been diffused throughout my soul. I took up a book and read these lines:
«’ I dwell forever on His heart,
Forever He on mine.”
Yes, Jesus loves nne, I know it — I feel it: What can I want beside? Oh, may I ever be consciously and constantly filled with the Spirit.
July 9th. — The weather of late has been very oppressive, and my health infirm. I^ast night, on retiring, I felt the spirit wilh’ng, but the flesh weak. During the hours of sleep, Satan seemed to be chidincr me with a want of energy, when the word of the Lord was applied with such power and sweetness to my mind, that it awoke me. “He that keepeth Israel, neither slumbereth noi sleepeth.” I rejoiced and gave thanks to the God of my salvation.
David says, “At midnight I will arise and give thanks unto thee, because of thy righteous judgments.” — Psalm 119: 62. I have found it very profitable to follow his example. Oh! with what nearness of access have I been permitted to approach the throne at this hallowed hour. At times it seems as if faith had almost turned to sight.
Aug. — Have met with some friends on llie heavenly way of Lite, that I have been much interested with, especially at our recent camp
meeting. One, the Rev. Mr. M, pastor
of a Congregational church, I shall doubtless ever remember from the manner in which the Lord made him instrumental in communicating a lesson, which has been rendered a great blessing to me. I met him first on the morning of the day, at a social meeting in one of the tents, where Jesus was eminently present. He spoke wqth such power and sweetness of the deep things of God, as conveyed a conviction to the hearts of the friends of Jesus, that the secret of the Lord was with him. I was also greatly blessed in my own soul, and was permitted to feel sweet freedom of spirit, while conversing on the things of God. After the meeting closed, we were introduced, and permitted to take sweet counsel together. This was previous to the morning exercises from the stand. At noon, he came to our tent, and to my surprise and sorrow saluted me thus:
“Well, Mrs., if I should be saying something very good about you, I should be praising you; should I not?” Contemplating a religious compliment, which I most conscientiously disapprove, and disappointed that I had as I conceived, made miscalculations in reference to the depth of his knowledge in the things of God, I looked up at him reprovingly, and with evident displeasure said, “I suppose it would be called so.” He hesitated a moment, long enough to let me form enduring conceptions of the trial, and then, with childlike sweetness, said, “Let us speak good of God.” Then turning to the company, with a beseeching look and tone, continued to say, “Come, let us all speak well of the name of the Lord. He has done much for us. He will not be offended, for He hath said, ‘Whoso offereth praise, glorifieth me.’’” Many Scriptural exhortations to pi’cdse the Lord were then brought forward, and we had a blessed season in speaking well of the name of the Lord. I have not been perplexed in any degree with the temptation since, that I am talking about viyself, when I am telling what the Lord has done for me. I feel that ‘praising the Lord is by far the most effectual way of disclaiming the work, which some untaught in the things of God might conceive of as arising from some inherent good in ourselves; and I have since felt and cherished an increased longing to communicate, to the prazft of God, the work of His spirit on my heart. The proper principle of hinnility has thus, by this trial, been brought with such tangibility within my grasp, as to leave a continual and blessed certainty on my mind, that God has indeed given me the grace of perfect humility. I joyfully acknowledge it, to the glory of His grace. If God has given it, it is His gift. I have not given it to myself. Oh, how much I love to praise His name. Well may the poet say,
“Eternity’s too short
To utter all His praise.”
God gave a signal answer to prayer also on the morning of this memorable day. My heart had been earnesdy aspiring after greater conformity to the Divine Image, and stronger faith, during the preceding day. The last breathing, as I fell asleep at night was, “Lord increase my faith.” I was awakened in the morning, at a very early hour, by the powerful application of this passage, “And this is the confidence that we have in him, that if we ask any thing according to his will, he heareth us; and if we know that he hear us, whatsoever we ask, we know that we have the petitions that we desired of him.” The Holy Spirit took of the things of God and revealed them to me, and I received clearer and more inspiring views of the simplicity of faith, than ever before; at the previous morning meeting alluded to, while the disciples of Jesus were talking so sweetly of the things that appertain to the kingdom, my mind for a few moments was drawn from the interesting circle, to my beloved companion, who, by professional duties, was seldom permitted to participate in such scenes.
Gratitude, desire and sympathy blended, in contrasting the amount of my privileges with his. ‘^ 0 how much he would enjoy such a season as this,” thought I; when the question presented, “why may he not be especially and powerfully blest j»’z^5^ now, where he is?” “All human Drobabilities are against it,”- was suggested in reply, “he is just now riding about the streets of a busy ciiy, and ii would be out of the ordinary way of God’s manner of working, and he does not work miracles when his ordinary way of dealing may just as well be submitted to.” Immediately it was presented, all things are possible with God, and all things are possible to him that believeth. Is it not according to the will of God that he should be blessed now? Does not the whole spirit of His word warrant you in this belief? And if it is according to His revealed will, then you have the confidence that He heareth you; and if you know that He heareth, then you may know that you have the things you desire of Him. I now felt that I had a sufficient warrant from the word, to assure me that I might ask confidently; and 1 began to say, “Oh, Lord! distance, time, and place are one with thee — oh, bless him — bless him just now in a powerful manner, wherever he may be. I leave my petition before the throne, presented in the name of Jesus. “I felt a perfect confidence that what I had asked was
according lo the will of God, and knew that I had the things I had desired of God. My mind was then recalled to the circumstances by which I was surrounded. The answer to my petition was not again brought to my recollection until the Sabbath after my return, when my husband remarked what a blessed day he had on Thursday. ‘’ All at once,” said he, “as I was riding about, with my mind in no way specially engaged, such a heavenly influence came down upon me, and remained with me all day, that I thought some one must have been praying forme. Was it not you?” I then told him the manner in which I had been engaged that morning, and the answer received, and we had a season of rejoicing together, in view of the condescension of God.
August. Met another traveller in the highway to-day. He gave a statement of the manner of the Spirit’s operations, which, though unusual, was instructive and edifying. How truly, in reference to the work of the Spirit may it be said, “there are diversities of operations, but it is the same God which worketh all in all.” And yet in the early career of the believer, how anxious generally to get an experience in minutia3 like others, and how prone to dissatisfaction when this is not attained. —
Mr. received his earl)^ training with the
Hicksite Friends. His prepossessions, as nfiay be presumed, were all opposed to excitement in religion. The Lord gave him a pious wife, who, in process of time, became a traveller in the way of holiness. In the mean while, when on orre occasion pleading in his chamber, he was also made a partaker of the pardoning mercy of God, and united in church fellowship with his companion. He was glad when she became a zealous seeker of holiness, hoping that her experience might be instructive to him, as he knew but little about the subject, otherwise than as he had heard of it merely as a doctrine peculiar to a sect. One Sabbath afternoon, while sitting in the house of the Lord, in an unexpected moment, apart seemingly from any human instrumentality, light in reference to the nature of the blessing, the terms upon which it was to be received, &c., were presented in aluminous manner, for his acceptance. The terms on his part were, liie entire sacrifice of all to God, and taking upon himself the obligation to profess the blessing on receiving it. He remembered some who were over him in the Lord, who did not profess holiness, and thought, “Surely they will not receive my testimony, and will think me assuming or presumptuous;” and though he much desired the blessing, he finally concluded that he would not at once make up his mind to receive it on such terms. On coming to this conclusion, the light that he had received in reference to the nature of the blessing, and the manner in which it was offered for his acceptance, and all prospect of attaining it, -vanished as suddenly as it had been presented. For the two succeeding months, a darkness to be felt brooded over his pathway. In apparently unavailing lamentations, he bemoaned his refusal to comply with the conditions, scarcely daring to hope that the Spirit would again take of the things <i)f God, and reveal them to him. Bui suddenly, as on the former occasion, while under the word, the blessing was again offered, and the same conditions presented. With eagerness, his whole heart flew iQ embrace the offer, and said, “Let it come in any way, only let it come When it came, and with such mighty power, that the day of Pentecost could scarcely have witnessed in individual experience, a scene more astounding, uncontrollable, or unaccountable on the principles of mere human reason, than was presented in his extraordinary exercises. The “sound from heaven, as of a rushing mighty Tvind,” could scarcely have been more overwhelming in its influences on that day, when anciently given, than on this occasion.
For about four hours, he was no more under his own control, or that of his friends around him, than the apostles were when first baptized with the Holy Ghost. Many others were baptized as suddenly at the same time. He still continues a flaming witness of the power of saving grace.
Wednesday. Was much blessed to-day by a remark from Dr. Bangs. “We lose much,”” said he, ‘^ in uothe’mg definite in our petitions. Now what do we most want? — let that be at the present time, the definite subject of our petitions.** I began to ask myself, *’ ¥/hat do / most want?” I remembered that Jesus had
202 “the way of hgliness.”
said, “Whatsoever ye shall ask the Father in my name, he will give it you.“” I asked for an enlarsjement of soul, and then that these enlarged capacities nnight be filled with God. I left my petition before the throne, presented in the name of Jesus; but felt assured that I should have the things I had desired of God. Was almost immediately after requested to converse with one earnestly seeking the Lord. Soon afterward, at an unexpected moment, found a surprising expansion of soul, and was filled with the fulness of God to such a degree, that I was led to exclaim, “What can this mean?” when a conviction as powerful as though audibly uttered, assured me, “This is the answer to the petition that you some time since left before the throne, presented in the name of Je sus.”
Thursday. Learned a lesson to-day. — The manner of learning it was somewhat painful. The Lord grant that the effect may be lasting. ‘* He doth not afflict the children of men willingly!’^ Oh! that I may not grieve the heait of Infinite Love, by making it needful that the lessons intended to be communicated through each trial, as I pass onward in the heavenly way, by being unheeded, should be repeated. I was constantly so surrounded by the multitude, that I began to long most ardently for opportunity to get into the secret presence of the Lord. I had for the few days preceding, been endeavoring to bear the burdens of others with but little intermission, and had thus far been permitted but little time for the purpose of presentmg my own case before the Lord. Now, thought L, I will get alone with God. Am I to presume that this ability to be useful will last, if I thus permit my seasons for private devotion to be broken in upon by these ceaseless interruptions? Finding, if I remained in the tent, there was but little prospect of obtaining my wish, I concluded to seek some solitary place apart from the multitude; but turn which way I would, I met with some one disposed to beguile my time. At last, despairing to obtain it thus, I. turned, with a resolve not to be foiled, to my tent, determined that I would have it there. Scarcely had I retired with the intention of trying to feel alone, though still but little removed from the multitude, when dear sister S — said,” Sister,
Mrs. G wishes to see you.” I looked up
with a degree of disappointment, and said, “Oil, dear!” and went to see the friend. She had come purposely to seek advice in reference to the way of holiness; but I found that I had not the special help of the Spirit in conversation that 1 had been accustomed to, and was startled at the difference. The ability to be useful seemed to be withheld. It was then that I apprehended most keenly that the abih’ty was a special gift from God. On enquiring of the Lord, after the friend had retired, why it was that this trial was permitted, I was immediately given to see that I had been endeavoring, though ignorantly, to get out of the order of God. And I now see that the only way to be a blessing to others, or to be blessed, is by entering promptly and rejoicingly into the providential openings thus hourly presented, and that the time to work is plainly indicated by the manner of the Spirit’s operations on the hearts of others in sending them to me; and such labor is as truly the work of the Lord, and as pleasing to Him, as is the devotion of the closet. It was not a wilful trespass. My heavenly Father knew it, and did not severely chide, but he taught me a lesson which I hope ever to profit by when similarly circumstanced. Oh, how much need for the continual application of the blood of Jesus. Under the old dispensation, atonement was necessary for sins of ignorance. Under the new, a high priest that can be touched with the feelings of our infirmities ever presents the soul-cleansing, peace-speaking blood in our behalf, and the sacrifice still ascends, a sweet savor of Christ unto God. It was said by one, “Conviction is not condemnation.” How important for the peace of the soul is this knowledge. In the experience just narrated, I have proved the justness of the remark. Wilful transgression necessarily brings condemnation; but a kind father may convict a would-be dutitui child cf error, and yet not condemn.
Sunday. — Was permitted to partake of the precious memorials of the Saviour’s dying love. I was enabled through the blood of the everlasting covenant, to enter into closer and more sensible communion with God than I can express. While bringing to lively rem.embrance the momentous price paid for the redemption of the soul, and summing up every power and faculty, that nothing might be wanting to make the sacrifice complete, I realized most deeply and consciously that I was enabled to lay hold upon the strength of omnipotence, and enter inta covenant with the Lord my Redeemer. Such a full and delightful assurance was given that I had, through the Spirit, complied with the terms of the covenant, and had given all, and was now receiving all in Christ, that I seemed to be lost and swallowed up in God. Blessed be the name of the Lord, I know that I am crucified to the world, and the world to me.
Sep. 10th. — Two friends, for whose conversion I have been most deeply interested, called to-day. They have both tasted that the Lord is good, and are now, with most grateful hearts, rejoicing in the God of their salvation. Since
Mrs. ^’s conversion, which was but a week
or two since, God has also given her her husband to accompany her. He was a vi-olent opposer, and when she asked permission to attend a special means of grace two or three weeks since, with the hope, though unexpressed, of finding the Lord, his consent was very reluctantly given, fearing, as he said, that she would get a religion that would make her melancholy all her days. After some persuasion, he concluded to let her go. The Lord healed her wounded spirit while there, and she returned home very happy in the enjoyment of reliction. On telling her husband of the sjracious change, he became greatly enraged, and one in the days of the Saviour, under demoniacal influence, could scarcely have shown more malignity and deep-rooted hatred to the cause of Christ, than did this individual toward the cause that the beloved of his bosom had espoused. She had anticipated opposition, but little imagined the mighty storm that was to meet her, on thus disclosing the secret of her joy to him, who she ever had reason to regard as the friend of her happiness, her devoted husband; and she knew not where the storm would end, but continued casting herself upon her almighty Saviour for sustainment and succor in this her day of trouble. It was on Friday she told him of the happy change, and persecution raged with unabated fury until Saturday night, when, in his desperation, he loaded a pistol, and said that he would put an end lo his existence, which had been rendered so miserable by the blighting of all his future prospects. But he who holdeth the tempest in his hand, prevented the execution of his design.
Finding that his threats were powerless In moving her, he now began another course. — “Do you believe in the Trinity?” he authoritatively demanded. “Yes,” she meekly replied, “I do.” “And what reason have you for such a belief,” said he. “The Bible teaches it,” she responded, “and I believe all that is taught in the Bible.” He then denied his belief in the doctrine of the Trinity, but soon afterward became silent and began to weep, and continued to weep during the remainder of the night. Undetermined in her own mind as to the character of his sorrow whether induced from excessive vexation, remorse, or penitence, she said nothing.
In the morning, he informed her that he had not hadone moment’s peace since he denied his belief in the Trinity. “And now,” said he, “since you will not go with me, I have made up my mind to go with you.” He now became an earnest seeker of salvation, and went with her that morning to the house of God.
In the afternoon, they were detained, from some indisposition in the family, from attending church. He expressed to his beloved companion his resolute determination to lead a new life, and gave evidence of his sincerity by his expressions of godly sorrow, and bringing forth fruits meet for repentance. But she greatly feared his again mingling in business with the sceptical associations to which he would be exposed, and left him, to pour out her soul in secret before God. On her leaving him, he took up the Bible, and opened on these words, “But thou, when thou prayest, et?ter into thy closet, and when thou hast shut tjiy door, pray to thy Father which is in secret; and thy Father, which seeth in secret, shall reward thee openly.” He felt that the Bible was the Word of the Lord, and really believed the declaration that had been presented to him, and began to pray earnestly, and behevingly, for the blessing imphed; and God gave it, and made him a joyful witness of his pardoning mercy. When
Mrs. returned to the room, he threw his
arins around her neck, and declared what God had done for his soul. Thus was the lion in a few short hours transformed to the lamb.
*” Is there a thing too hard for thee,
AUnighty Lord of all; Whose threatening looks dry up the sea, And bid the mountains falL”
Thursday, 13th. — The Lord God omnipotent reigneth. Yes!
“Jesus reigns, he reigns victorious,
Over heaven and earth most glorious,
Jesus reigns.”
He reigns triumphant in my soul. I at present enjoy, through his all-abounding grace, conscious victory over sin, death, and the grave. Oh, what a conquest over timid nature hath grace gained. Some time since, I said to my companion, when on the eve of retiring for the night, “the skeptic could scarcely conceive that the believer in Christ, could feel such a perfect repose and confidence in hini, thai on retiring to rest, he could say, I feel that I repose so confidently in the arnr.s of infinite love, that it is matter of no solicitude, whether I awake in time or in eternity — but I, do indeed feel that I can say so.” This day, the observation has been brought forcibly to my remembrance by a singular dream I had last night. I thought three or four members of our family, with myself, were sitting together, when some one knocked for admittance. I bade the person in, when to our surprise, a beloved brother, deceased about two years since, entered. Though we all seemed perfectly aware of the fact, that he was a visitant from the spiritual world, yet he seemed so pleased to see us, and greeted us in the same lovely, affectionate manner, so familiar to him when in life, that we could not find it in our hearts to yield to any thing like a repulsiveness of manner toward him, on account of the strangeness of the visitation. After presenting his hand, and giving an affectionate kiss to each, he came to me, and with still stronger marks of endearment than with the others, throwing his arm around my neck, with an indescribable look of fondness and affection, he said, “You will be with me... Sabbath,” and immediately left the room. Consternation now sat on every countenance, and an awful silence ensued, which I was the first to break, by asking, ‘’did he say, on Sabbath, or after Sabbath?” He had been so hasty in the delivery of his message, that I had lost the word, and their consternation on hearing the announcement, had been such, that they had also failed to hear the precise time. From that time to the moment of my waking, which was seemingly two or three hours, T was engaged in making preparations similar to those that would have been made, had the dream been an actual announcement from the spiritual world. When I awoke, it still lingered with the vividness of reality upon my mind. My feelings forbade my entering with zest into contemplations of the future, which the scenes around me were calculated to cherish. It was my impression, that I was about to finish my earthly pilgrimage; and if so soon, it seemed but reasonable that my time should be spent in a manner to correspond with the momentousness of the circumstance. And yet it was a dream, and the idea of having my mind thus influenced by a mere dream, 1 was fearful might appear visionary, and give unnecessary uneasiness. Influenced by these considerations, I said but little; yet the circumstances in which my mind was placed, gave abundant opportunity to test the truth of the observations with which I commenced to write. Over and again it came to my mind during the morning, that the Lord might have permitted the trial, to test the strength of the principle so confidently asserted on the evening alluded to; and blessed be the name of the Lord, it still continued ^rm, when brought to this trying test. About noon something having a bearing on the future, needed a promptness of action, quite at variance with my impressions of speedy dissolution; and in endeavoring to draw nigh to God, in reference to the subject, I was permitted near and sweet access to the throne, while asking, that if this trial was intended as a sure intimation that I was done with the things of earth, the impression that it was indeed so, might be deepened; but if only intended to test the confident belief
expressed to my companion on the occasion referred to, it might be so removed, that I might feel that I had yet something to do with the world. A direct answer was given, and immediately I was assured that it had only been permitted to assume all the plausibility spoken of, in order to bring the most tangible evidence to my mind, that I had not been mistaken in the belief I had so confidently expressed.
October 13th. — Just returned from a visit to
B. The Lord has been with me during
my absence from my beloved family, and imparted the strong and increasingly confirming consolations of his Spirit. I started on the 24lh, and went through a journey of about two hundred miles in one day, with comfort. A sweet, heavenly calmness, pervaded my mind during the day. Aware that the multiplicity of scenes through which I should pass, were calculated to dissipate the mind, I sought unto God, and was enabled to repose most confidently on my Almighty Saviour. I carried in my hand a little book, entitled the “Believers’
Inheritance,” being a compilation of precious promises. * An inheritance, indeed!’ respond* ed my soul, as I feasted upon the exceeding great and precious promises. I had prayed much that the glare of outward circumstance might not be permitted to break in upon the quiet of my soul. The petition was answered to a degree beyond my expectations.
Seldom in the quietness of my own room, has the peace of God, that passeth all understanding, been more absorbingly realized. ..It seemed but to close my eyes on outward things, in order to be in no ordinary degree alone with God. It was to this heavenly serenity of soul, that 1 attributed, mainly, the little fatigue of body I felt, in accomplishing the journey.
I was enabled to urge the subject of religion earnestly on the ladies’ maid for the cars. She became deeply interested, and 1 am in expectation of seeing fruit of my labor in the eternal world, to the praise of God. I have often been greatly encouraged in similar attempts to be instant in season and out of season. Eternity alone can disclose the amount of good that has thus
^IC “THE WAY OF HOLINESS.”
been accomplished by some of Christ’s “little ones,” What a noble example was the sainted Carvosso.
Sabbath, 25th. — Rained during the morning, which prevented my going to the Lord’s house. Found an effort necessary to ward off the propensity to ordinary, or every-day topics in those around me. I am thankful that the Lord has laid his hand on me in reference to this subject. From a child I was taught to sanctify the Sabbath, and my associations of good, whether in relation to temporal or spiritual prosperity, was most religiously blended with a careful observance of this hallowed day. The Lord so blessed early parental admonitions, and the instructions of his blessed Word to my infant heart, that I can scarcely remember the time when I was not influenced by the opin« ion, that if I thought or conversed on topics of mere worldly interest, that I need not expect prosperity in the prosecution of the matter in contemplation.
The Holy Spirit is just now urging upon my mind, a period when this principle of right was 80 blended with that which was questionable, that it was hardly to be decided which way the scale at the time preponderated. I had been making quite extensive preparations for a New Year’s festival. It was Saturday evening, December 3 1 St. Fearful that I should be tempted to think my own thoughts on the Sabbath, if not all in readiness for the early calls anticipated on Monday, I concluded to forego the practice to which I had been from childhood accustomed, i. e. of going to the sanctuary, and there with the solemn assembly, renewing my covenant with God. But I thought I would most carefully devote the last hour of the expiring year to this purpose, at home. Before I was aware, I was admonished that but fifteen minutes remained, ere the New Year should be ushered in; and the religious observances, which by the force of habits, I think, graciously formed, had become sacredly binding, still remained untouched. The Spirit which had before been silently reproving, now chidingly appealed to my heart — “What! but this little remnant of the year to devote to the formation of new purposes, and the renewal of your covenant engagements with God?” It was my Heavenly Father reproved, and I felt most painfully oppressed, and grieved, from a review of the manner in which his superior claim upon this important hour, had been resisted, and I scarcely dared to look up for help in this my time of need. But the hand of God was upon me, and I felt that it would be but a greater triumph for the adversary, ^hould I desist from entering into those engagements. Scarcely had this point been settled, before another formidable barrier presented. It was the fearful possibility of breaking the engagements, by the temptations that might be anticipated from the diversified society, in which I was expecting to mingle on Monday! “Better is it that thou shouldst not vow, than that thou shouldst vow and not pay,” said the enemy! But the Spirit urged upon my mind the solemn duty of vowing to God, and a careful performance of my vows; and with this powful conviction, I took the blessed Word and knelt before the Lord, with an indescribable sense of responsibility weighing down my spirit, which was penetrated with an unusual consciousness of innate helplessness. I began to pour out my soul thus: “O Lord! if thou wilt but give me something from thy Word, to strengthen and encourage me, I will, through ihy grace assisting me, take whatever thou wilt give, as my motto during the coming year.” I then opened on these words — “I can do all things through Chiist, which strengtheneih me!” O hpv my soul bounded! The word of the Lord was indeed the power of God unto my soul; and scarcely could I have had a stronger realization that this was indeed the voice of God to me, had it been spoken from heaven to the outward ear, as well as to the inmost soul. I now with delightful elasticity and firmness of spirit, renewed my covenant engagements, and formed new purposes; a prominent one of which was, that T would be more zealous for the Lord of Hosts than I had ever before been, and would take the earliest opportunity to inform my friends of the decision, in order that the temptations to retreat might be cut off as speedily as possible. This was an important period in my pilgrimage, from which I never retraced my way back, to that degree of worldly-raindedness that would invest the etiquette of
320 “the way op* holinksb.”
the day with a vitality sufficiently inspiring or captivating, to draw off the energies of the Christian to its pigmy pursuits. In reference to all such things, I now think that the royal heir of heaven, stands in such a commanding attitude before the world, that the dignity of his station fully qualifies him in saying, “l am engaged in a great work, and cannot come down.”
,, In the afternoon, went to C street
church. Heard Mr. D preach a truly
evangelical sermon. Yet there was an apathy and irresponsibleness of manner manifested by the congregation, that was really painful to me to witness. During singing, I observed that about half the assembly were sitting, and the others standing. I have not taken special pains to inform myself of the most Scriptural method, for the regulation of public worship, from the impression that these are not the “weightier matters of the law,” but I do feel persuaded, that there is not only moral unseemliness, but Scriptural impropriety in the listlessness of demeanor indulged in, by various denominations of the present day. I iiavc gone into churches that differ in these non-essentials, with an intention of conforming to the usage peculiar to the order, and on doing so, have found myself singled out from the majoiity of the worshippers, and have afterward concluded, that if my example could not be conducive to uniformity, I vrould act in the case in nearest accordance with my views of Scriptural propriety, and though peihaps the onlyone in the w’hole assembly beside the minister, who, like as God’s ancient servant, was kneeling, and with outstretched hands, supplicating the mercy-seat, turned and knelt, determined that I would not approach the Majesty of heaven in such an attitude, as I would not dare approach an earthly sovereign. In very many things, the Scriptures are not explicit in the minulia, but most expressly regulate the whole by some one great commanding truth; and thus in reference to this subject, it has been said, “Let all things be done decently and in. order. ‘’’’ And why should not this injunction be regarded as binding on individual professors? The same want of uniformity I have observed
in other particulars, with many who I think really love and revere the Sovereign of heaven and earth. Some will break in upon his worship, and attract the eye and heart of the nnwary-, by an unnecessary late attendance. Others, most unceremoniously place themselves in an attitude most favorable for repose; such as would be regarded in ill-taste in polite society, and should such unseemliness of action be indulged in, in the presence of an earthly potentate, surely the aggressor would be spurned from his presence. And yet the avowed object of an attendance on the means of grace is to meet God — to worship and hold converse with Him, who is the blessed and only Potentate, the “King of kings, and Lord of lords.” Well might preachers of the present day say with the preacher of olden time, “Keep thy foot when thou goest to the house of God,” &c.
While at the meeting this afternoon, the Lord poured out the spirit of supplication upon me in an unusual manner. The cry of my heart was for a revival of Scriptural holiness in this place. It was a mighty struggle, but I was enabled through the omnipotence of grace, to
come off more than conqueror. I received the assurance that my petition had gone up before the throne, presented in the name of Jesus, and that I should have the desire of my heart.
28. I went to meeting this evening, with a soul longing for the courts of the Lord. There were but six or eight brethren present, and no
females with the exception of sisters E
S and myself. That faith that approaches
near to God, and claims present blessings, seemed at a very low ebb. I do not think that one prayer or expression in anticipation of a present bestowment of the gift of holiness, was uttered.
The expectations that were given in answer to the prayer of faith on Sabbath afternoon, came forcibly to remembrance, and the inquiry was presented, “Are you willing to make every possible effort toward the accomplishment of this work?”
My soul replied, “I am not at my own disposal; body, soul and spirit, time, talents and influerfce are thine;
“Til follow on if thou command,
AlliSwell.’”
After joining in prayer, I told them of the manner in which my soul had been drawn out on Sabbath afternoon, for a revival of holiness, and the way in which I felt the work might be accomplished, if they would but begin at once to be co-workers with God, by having a commencement of it in the hearts of all present. I then stated in a manner as concise as possible, the way in which the Lord had made me a witness of this grace — how it had affected me in reference to my usefulness to others, by the far more comprehensive views of responsibility that had been imposed, and concluded by saying, that I could not but regard a revival in the hearts of God’s professed people, the necessary foundation, for a thorough revival of the work of God in all its departments.
After I had finished, a brother arose and con fessed, that some years since, he had been the happy possessor of the blessing of holiness, but did not long retain it, and knew from experience, that it was as the sister had said, i. e. just what was needed for our own happiness and safety, and also to capacitate us for usefulness to others, — and necessary in the church, as the foundation for a revival — and that he now felt unwilling to live any longer without it. He then earnestly asked all present to pray for him, that he might again be brought into the enjoyment of the blessing. The spirit of the meeting was greatly revived. 30. Called to-day on a Christian brother, who has been exercised with severe affliction for several years past. We had a season of sweet refreshing, while conversing of the things that appertain to the kingdom, and also in prayer and supplication with thanksgiving, God was eminently near. Two young ladies, professors, who were present, acknowledged that they were following God at a distance, and were greatly aroused, and resolved on endeavoring to live nearer to God.
While at supper, after our return, I was appealed to for a decision on a peculiar case. The name of a person of undoubted piety was mentioned, who had a short time previous, lost a son at a distance from home. He had been a source of much painful solicitude, occasioned by his profligate habits, and was overtaken by death, at an unlooked for hour, and left no evidence of having been truly regenerated. The fond mother, agonized at the thought of his having died unprepared, cried constantly to the Lord for some assurance of his safety, and on one occasion, while thus pleading, she became confident in her own mind, that prayer was answered, and the perfect assurance given of his happiness. Two or three unconverted persons being present, I felt a sacred responsibility in giving an opinion, and was constrained to dissent from the sister, from the fact that she had started from wrong premises at the outset. Had she remembered that “secret things belong to God,” and those that are revealed to ourselves and childrei>, she would have seen that it was her province to be satisfied with the allotments of Divine Providence, assured that the Judge of all the earth will do right. There are unalterable principles laid down in the Word of God, by which the character of our requests must be regulated, or ihey are not recognized in the court of heaven. “This is the confidence we have in him, that if we ask any thing according to his icill, he heareth us.” This toill is given in the written word. Any praj’-er that is not according to this, I can conceive of no shade of scriptural propriety in presenting before the Lord. Such an applicant cannot have his plea so much as entered before the throne. The sword of the Spirit prevents access to the Judge, by the sentence, “to the law and to the teslin:iony.” I know it may be said, that persons of undoubted piety, (as of the case in question,) have had remarkable answers to pra3’er similar to that just given, and some of whom I have heard, that have received answers in what they have conceived to be a miraculous manner, in dreams, &c., that have been equally at variance with the Spirit of the Word. At once they wrap themselves in the security of the belief thus attained, from the assurance that it was given in answer to prayer. Such persons are unmindful of the fact, that if they wander in any degree from the direct way, marked out in the only chart God has given, they are left exposed to any infatuation that an insatiable — exceedingly subtle enemy, can invent.
The higher the profession and weight of reHgious influence, the more extensive and commanding the harm. Is it impossible that an enemy, that even quoted Scripture to the Saviour, to suit his purpose, can so transform himself into an angel of light, as to answer a prayer, that received its origin on his own premises? and if it is off the direct line of the written Word, it surely is in a proportionate degree on his own ground, and however startling the truth, it is but reasonable to expect that he would respond, and answer it in just the way that would be likely to assume the most plausibility. T have really thought that Satan made use of a stratagem to keep some persons from continuing to agonize for their unconverted friends, by instigating them to pray for the assurance that they would eventually be saved. The answer is given — and the agony ceases. Meanw-hile the friends continue sinning, and the Word continues to declare, “the soul that sinnelh, it shall die.” The error lies in overleaping the bounds God hath set. And when this is done, delusion is inevitable. There is no subject relative to which I have more ardently desired to be a living epistle, than in reference to the infinite importance, excellency, and comprehensiveness of the Word of God. I do indeed regard it as a sufficient rule for faith and practice. I wonder why the absolute importance of searching the Scriptures, in order, by a careful study, to show ourselves approved in the sight of God and man, is not more urged, from the pulpit and the press.
We have no right to think that we shall be “thoroughly furnished unto every good work, or to conceive ourselves otherwise than liable to be carried about by every wind of doctrine, without CdiX e,iA searching and “comparing of Scripture with Scripture,” which surely implies something more than mere reading. And 1 most conscientiously believe, and my feelings and judgment bear me out in affirming, that there is no subject relative to which the world of professing Christians, on waking up in the spiritual world, will find themselves to have been more mistaken than in reference to this. It seems to me as if the. various subterfuges, to which men of otherwise enlightened judgment, betake themselves as a substitute for the Blessed Word, must indeed be most amazing in the eye of those spiritual intelligences by which we are surrounded. “What a strange, God-dishonoring position! acknowledge the Bible as the Word of God, and yet suffer ourselves to be governed by our own feelings — the views, experience, and traditions of others, in reference to it; while every moment liable to be called into the other world, to answer for ourselves, and be judged by our individual conformity to its precepts.
But are we to reject all manifestations from God, or answers to prayer, that may be given in dreams or visions of the night? The Spirit of the Word settles this matter. From the earliest, down to the latest period, God hath spoken to his people in this manner. As well might we deny any other part of divine revelation, as to deny this. Witness. God said to Abraham in a dream, “Yea, I know thou didst this in the integrity of thy heart,” &c. Gen. 20: 6. Jacob, had a dream in Bethel of the ladder that reached from earth to heaven. “And the Lord stood above it, and said, I am the
Lord God of Abraham thy Father,” &c. Gen. 28: 10 — 15. Jacob tells Laban of yet another time when God spoke to him in a dream on a subject quite dissimilar from that on the former occasion. Gen. 31: 11 — 13. And to show that God does not confine his communications to his chosen people, he speaks to Laban in a dream, and says to him, “Take heed that thou speak not to Jacob, either good or bad.” Ver. 24. God spake to the butler and baker, Gen. 40 ch. Also to Pharaoh, Gen. 41 ch. God speaking to Aaron and Miriam, says, “If there be a prophet among you, I the Lord will make myself known unto him in a vision, and will speak unto him in a dream,” &c. “The Lord appeared unto Solomon in a dream by night, and said. Ask what I shall give thee.” Solomon made his choice, and God granted his request, and “’ he awoke, and behold it was a dream!” 1 Kings 3: 5 — 15. Nebuchadnezzar, Dan. 4 eh., and the wife of Pilate, Matt. 27: 19, were forewarned by God of impending judgments by a dream. “An angel appeared to Joseph in a dream, saying, Joseph, thou son of David, fear not,” &c. Matt. 1: 20. The wise men were “warned of God in a dream, that ihey should not return to Herod.” Matt. 2: 12. “An angel of the Lord appeared in a dream to Joseph, in Egypt.” Matt. 2: 19. But why enumerate? — most explicit declarations from God place the matter beyond doubt. “For God spcaketh once, yea twice, yet man perceiveth it not. In a dream, in a vision of tht3 night, when deep sleep falleth upon men, in slumberings upon the bed; then he openeth the ears of men, and sealeth their instruction, that he may withdraw man from his purpose, and hide pride from man.” Job 33: 14 — 17.
Early under the Christian dispensation, God invested the subject with still higher claims, if possible, upon the attention of man, by the declaration, “And it shall come to pass in the last days, saith God, I will pour out my Spirit upon all flesh; and your sons and your daughters shall prophesy, and your young men shall sec visions, and your old men shall dream dreams.”
And yet the subject, though standing in such a commanding attitude, is seemingly liable to so much abuse, that it has become disreputable for God’s servants to say, in the present day, “God spake to me in a dream, or visions of the night.” And why is it thus? Is it not because the Scriptures, the plain, naked Word of God, is not brought to the ordeal of a personal, diligent, careful investigation? Books of every diversity of sentiment, and men of every manner of opinion are consulted, and then the precious, neglected, insulted Word, is too often submitted to the ordeal thus erroneously begotten. I here most solemnly protest, “in the sight of God who quickeneth all things, and before Jesus Christ,” that in obedience to the most confirmed convictions of duty, from the awful deference and honor due the Holy Spirit, I have felt sacredly bound, in preparing myself for my Bible-class exercises, and ill the devotions of the closet, first to take the naked, unadorned Word upon my knees in the presence of God, in order to have my mind primarily pre-occupied with the teachings of the Holy Spirit, before it was submitted to the dictations of men, however learned or good. With deep abasement before God. I would also state, that not unfrequently I have gone as a simple little child, conscious of perfect ignorance, and liability to most egregious error, if left one moment unprotected by a superior wisdom and guidance, and believing that “all Scripture is given by inspiration, and is profitable for doctrine reproof, correction, and instruction in righteousness,” have asked relative to portions of the Word that I could not at once apprehend; direct and special illumination, and it has been given. After having thus sought unto God, 1 have conscientiously made use of every available help, and God has blessed me greatly in meeting viiih sentiments not only corroborative of those already received, but also helpful toward still farther illumination.
Some who may have been despoiled of some long cherished hope, by the promulgation of such sentiments as those with which I conimenced my present reflections, may be disposed to say, perchance chidingly, as anticipated in ancient time, Deut. 18:21, “How shall we know the word which the Lord hath not spoken,” if expectations so sincerely begotten, are so exceedingly dubious? The ever-unalterable principles regulating the government of God, as laid down in the Word, are so distinct, connpact, and con:iprehensive, that I have never yet, in all my experience, found one case but what has been touched, neither do I ever expect to find one; and were I expecting my pilgrimage to be lengthened out to the age of Methuselah, and temptations from the world, the flesh, and Satan, continually increasing in poignancy, and subtlety of invention, and spirits of darkness thickening in numbers, for the mighty conflict, do I think I should need any other shield or weapon than the Word of God — the Sword of the Spirit. Furnished with this mighty weapon, every man is invested with power not only to fight his own battles, but to plead his own cause. How unlike earthly tribunals is the court of heaven. It is but seldom we hear of an individual sufiiciently acquainted with the technicalities of law to assume the responsibility of pleading his own cause, and few are possessed with the facilities, had they the disposition; but here, with the Holy Spirit as the teacher, the most humble believer may, by having skilfully wielded the Sword of the Spirit, and made his way through every conceivable difficulty, come up thus thoroughly furnished before the throne — present his cause, and be as truly shielded from insult, neglect, or rejection, as though he were clothed in the person of Christ. Scriptural demonstration asserts that he is clothed with Christ. Shielded by the atonement, he is in verity as impervious to the assaults of the enemy, as He who is called in the ever blessed Bible, “the faithful and true WITNESS — the Word of God.”
Tuesday. Again attended Mr., the
minister’s class. The Lord has doubtless commenced a good work in very many souls here, but it is surprising that I hear as little about holiness, as a present attainment, or as within the reach of. the believer, as though it were not a distinctive feature in our economy. The fact of its being so, is surely a tremendous consideration. It was asked in ancient time. “What profit hath the Jew?” and the reply,” Much every way’’ is surely an answer that should sink with fearful weight on the ear and heart of every Methodist, circumstanced as we are in the order of God, in reference to this subject. The fact of having received, from God, through such men as Wesley, Fletcher, Nelson, Bramwell, and a host of other heaven-ovirned luminaries, this glorious doctrine, as revealed in the blessed Word, throws a weight of responsibility most tremendous in magnitude, upon our ministry and people.
I sometimes fear that the nature and depth of the obligations thus imposed, will not be fully realized, until the clear light of eternity shall disclose the subject in all its bearings. I verily believe that when God thrust the Wesley’s out to raise a holy people, and we became a distinct organization, with men of such simple, childlike, enlightened and yet noble piety, under God, at the head of our ecclesiastical affairs, that he really intended that we should retain more of those distinctive features by which our economy is characterized, as dissimilar in doctrine and usage from other evangelical bodies. I know it is thought by many of our warm admirers, that we, as a people, have but received the polish inevitable from oft repeated usage, as handed down by busy time, having only lost in that which was deemed miseemly and rough, and quite unsuited to the enterprise of the age. If the refining fire — the Spirit of holiness, were more signally blended with all our operations, and lighting down upon our assemblies more now, than in ancient time, I might think so too; but it is the Spirit that giveth life, and that Spirit can only be cherished by the unostentatious, careful, humble, childlike dependence on God, that led the fathers of Methodism to discountenance the glare of the world — that made Wesley say, by precept and example, that he was afraid of the rich, not but that he would tolerate them, for some of his friends were the titled dignitaries of the day; but the tide of mere worldly popularity, it is well known, he took the utmost pains to ward off. Weight in piety, not in numbers, was the design most evident, and the most striking feature standing out on the face of the economy, of which he was, under God, the originator.
Rev. Mr., the pastor of this charge,
has been on my mind almost day and night, since the first of my coming to this place. He is an able minister of the New Testament, but oh! how much he needs that his lips should be touched with a live coal, from off the hallowed altar. The more I trace the hand of God in His usual mode of working with the people, the more I see the necessity of His appointed ambassadors being experimental witnesses of the attainableness of what they proclaim. The experience of one such goes farther toward bringing others on the same ground, than the most labored theories of in any unable to say, “We speak that we know, and testify of that we have seen.”
A pleasing exhibition of the justness of these observations was given me by a beloved friend in the statement of her experience. Her early religious associations were with a denomination unfavorable to the doctrine of holiness as admitted by our people. But she began to seek most earnestly for a state of entire conformity to the will of God, and having been informed that there was a people that held to the possibility of attaining such a state, she sought them out, and united in church fellowship with them. She now heard holiness spoken of as a Bible doctrine, and her soul was greatlystrengthened and encouraged in the pursuit, yet she earnestly desired to hear sonae one say,” Iknoiv it — I feel it.’’
At length, her wish was gratified. She had resorted to a camp meeting with the hope of being more fully informed, not only by pnlpit ministration, and Biblical exposition, but by the concurrence of living testimony; and it was for the latter that she most greatly longed. — Her heart had already assented to the commanding truth that hoHness is a Bible doctrine. The Lord in great mercy moved the spirit of one of his chosen servants to discourse most sweetly on the nature and privilege of a state of hoUness. “Oh,” thought she, ‘* if I could only- now hear him say, * I enjoy it,’ I should be satisfied.”
Soon afterward, as if moved by a divine impulse with a holy heroism, he lifted up to the gaze of the eager multitude, the chart containing his commission — the Book of books. “Oh,” said he,” I do not only proclaim this glorious doctrine to you from this blessed
Book, but I have it here’’ — and then reaching forth the Bible towards the weeping assembly, and placing his hand upon a heart bursting with emotion, he repeated — “/ have it lierey “It is enough,” she exclaimed. That even in cr her lonsjino: soul was brouojht into the way of holiness.
One evening this week, I met with Mrs.
, a person of sincere piety, with whom I
think I should have enjoyed unmingled pleasure, had it not been for a propensity to indulge in the habit of speaking lightly of the ministry. I revere the sacred office. I fully believe that our ministry generally have been moved by the Holy Ghost to preach the gospel. If so, they are invested with responsibilities of infinite magnitude. As ambassadors from the court of heaven, they receive their commission from the King of kings. An ambassador from an earthly monarch is deemed honorable by the degree of responsibility with which he is invested, and the dignity of the throne which he represents, to which he is amenable for a faithful delivery of the embassy entrusted. An ignominious reception of his message, or dishonor cast upon his person, is recrarded as done unto the throne which he represents; and thus, doubtless, will the King of Heaven hold those individuals or communities responsible, who lightly esteem or disadvantageously speak of those legally authorized ambassadors from the court of heaven, whom he hath commissioned to stand in Christ’s stead, to beseech men to be reconciled to God.
The day of eternity will doubtless reveal that many a message of mercy has been rejected by the lost sinner, from the fact that his heart had been rendered impervious by slanderous reports or whisperings of “lowness of piety,” or nameless disqualifications, some of which may have gained currency, or received the sanction of silence from some who profess the name of Christ. God has assured my heart that men are answerable for truth, from whatever source it comes; and in reference to those whom he hath anointed and sent forth to preach the everlasting gospel, He hath written upon my inmost soul, ‘’ Touch not mine anointed, and do my prophets no harm.” From iin indulgence in this evil, many unquestionably prove the displeasure of the King of glory, bring barrenness upon their own souls, and incur the awful responsibility of being instrumental of inducing a rejection of God’s message.
On Tuesday evening, Miss, an amiable
young lady, called to see me. Her mind has been deeply interested for some lime on the subject of holiness. I lifted my heart to the Lord for a word in season, and God gave an immediate ansv.-er. I was quite unacquainted with her circumstances in life,, and consequently unapprised of the temptations peculiar to her case, but began to assure her of the faithfulness of God, in the speedy perforniance of His own part of the work, as soon as she was willing to comply with the conditions. I then related to her the experience of a young lady, with whom I had been familiar, who seemed greatly to desire the blessing of holiness; but on trying to pray with her for a present besiowment of the blessing, I could feel no liberty, and became assured in my own mind that some insuperable barrier was standing between God and her soul. With much hesitation, she afterward informed me that she was contemplating a marriage engagement with a young gentleman not professing religion. The mystery was at once solved, and I assured her that unless it was already made, her aspirations for present holiness, and future felicity also, would be futile if she persisted in the prosecution of the affair. She received the statement of my views with a heavy heart, and I feared that this important crisis in her experience was to be but the turning point for a fearful plunge into the fatal vortex of mere worldly-minded profession. But grace ordered it otherwise: the struggle ended the next evening — the idol was given up, and the victory was beyond expectation glorious. The Lord condescended to take her into very close communion with himself, and she really looked as if the signature of God, the stafup of holiness, had been written upon her very coumenance; and from that time, she became a decided, zealous, and useful traveller in the King’s highway.
While I was giving this recital, to the interesting young friend, her countenance bespoke a heart greatly disquieted, and with much embarrassment, she informed me that a case of precisely the same interest was pending with herself. At once I saw that the Lord had indeed, in answer to prayer, given “a word in season.” The advice was made instrumental in frustrating the designs of the tempter, — her feet were turned from the vortex, which had been well nigh reached, and she also became a happy, and useful, and deeply interesting traveller in the King’s highway.
Wednesday. The election of city officers, has been so intensely absorbing with every class of community, since I have been here, that but little time has been left for conversation on any other subject. I have been thinking that to lake the interest manifested by the christian community, apart, and concentrate it on some definite pursuit of praiseworthy benevolence — say to the promotion of a revival, in personal or individual experience, what glorious results might follow. Doubtless it would terminate in many a name being enrolled under the banner of Immanuel — in the book of life, — many an election made sure, before exceedingly dubious.
I do not object to christians zealously interesting themselves on the subject of appointing “the powers that be.” If the Scriptures enjoin the duty of not resisting them, surely it is greatly desirable to have such as our christian judgment might acknowledge to be “ministers of God to us for good.” But how few professors seem to apprehend the obligation imposed by apostolic exhortation, “lhat first of all, supplications, prayers, intercessions, and giving of thanks, be made for all men; for all that’ are in authority, that we may lead a quiet and peaceable life.” They seem to forget that the powers that be, are ordained by God, and also of the divine injunction, “Speak evil of no man,” and act upon the assumption that they are to make use of the same carnal weapons, and wield them also in the same manner as is practised by the mere worldling-May it not be in part attributable to these mistaken views and conduct, that few christian men go through the ordeal of zealous electioneering, or an election to office unharmed by the fire?
Sabbath. Was a day of extraordinary trial. My ever-watchful foe seemed to have found out new premises to work upon. I really felt as if continually surrounded by
“Legions of dire, malicious fiends.”
The main effort on the part of my enemies, was directed toward the answer to prayer that I had received for a revival of the work of holiness in this place, on the first Sabbath after I came here. I had not yet seen as evidently as I had anticipated, the answer to my prayer, and this was the ground that the enemy took to work upon. Never before, do I remember to have felt the necessity of looking well to the things I had prospectively gained by way of answer to prayer, in reference to others, as well as to blessing in actual possession. The contest continued with unabated fury until late at night, and my enemies would have intimidated me from taking the repose which my health much needed, by the insinuation that I should yet be despoiled of my confidence, had it not been for the inspiring hope given by the blessed word, assuring me that more were they that were for me, than all that were against me. The Captain of my salvation — The Lord of Hosts — My condescending God gave signal and glorious victory during my sleep.
I dreamed that I was at a church, that I had not been accustomed to attend in this place: the seats were densely crowded with an assembly of fervent worshippers, all silently yet with unutterable intensity, supplicating God. The hour had arrived when I must depart, and I arose amid the praying multitude as one alone to leave. ‘Instead of going out in the usual way, I passed up the aisle to the altar, where to my astonishment, several kneeling suppliants were bowed, earnestly groaning in subdued tones, for the blessing of holiness. I was much moved at the unexpected sight, and exclaimed, “What! all this and I not know it?” I rejoiced in spirit, and endeavored to encourage them, so long as my haste would permit, and then passed along before the altar, with the intention of going down the extreme aisle to the door, when my progress was again impeded by a still larger and yet more fervent company of suppliants, all imploring in unutterable groanings the blessing of holiness. I was almost overcome with wonder and gratitude, and exclaimed, “Can it be?” When the Spirit said to my heart, “This is the answer to your prayer!” It was too much, and I sat down and gave vent to my overwhelming joy in tears — when one most beseechingly said,
“O sister,” calling m.e by name, do
jpray and the vision fled. Joy unspeakable and full of glory now filled my soul. Every enemy was vanquished, and not one lingering temptation left to doubt, but that God had heard and was already ansvrering my prayer. Monday evening, I attended love feast in
street church. The individual for whom
I had been so prayerfully interested during the whole of my visit, and very especially during the evening, rose at the close of the meeting to speak. Had he been invested with power capable of reading the emotions of my hearl for the several preceding days,, and during the evening, and then sought words to satisfy those emotions, he could scarcely have said any thing more satisfactory, with the exception .,nat he had not yet received the wit ness* of holiness. The Lord had given me the
* Soon afterward, he received the direct assurance earnest during the night previous, but now the full tide of joy ran so high, that my soul was unutterably filled with glory and with God.
Thai night, on my return home, I was taken unexpectedly ill. The symptoms were so alarming that I began to anticipate the trial of being unable to reach my beloved home. I realized a perfect resignation to the will of God, but felt that He did not chide me when I asked, that if consistent with His will, the hand of disease might be arrested, that I might be permitted to undertake my contemplated journey homeward on the morrow.
The Lord heard and answered the petition, and I found myself surprisingly better in the morning, and quite able to undertake the journey. Yet the state of my health since my return has been quite precarious, and I am brought to the test of being willing to suffer as well as to do the will of God. The circumstances of ray health, and the peculiar trials by which my faith has been exercised of late, has inclined me to feel as if the Lord was about to
and was instrumental in an extensive revival of the work of God.
take ine home. To the glory of grace, I can state that I have not one wish apart from the will of God. He is my All in all — the centre of my existence — the Alpha and the Omega — the beginning and the end — the first and the last.
N O T 3,
“Notes by the Way,” of succeeding years, with much miscellane PUS matter, in prose and verse, embracing a variety of topics, are on hand, and may form another volume at an early period, should Christian sentiment, in reference to the one now submitted to the public, adjudge it favorable to the interest of the Redeemer’s kingdom, to which alone, irrespective of name, sect, or party, the author desires to be devoted.
AGES OF ETERNITY.
‘” I go to prepare a place for you.” — Jesus;
Earth’s travellers have all gone o’er
The boundaries of time; Not one, but what has reached the shore
Of that peculiar clime,
Where all is real: what had been,
But dim, when on life’s page,
In living su’bstance here is seen,
Grown mightier still with age.
*♦*•♦*
The beauteous City of my God!
Jerusalem so bright I Well, I its glittering paths have trod,
A happy child of light.
And as I walk each golden street.
Counting each towering spire,
How many a much loved friend I meet,
And strike anew my lyre.
But whose this mansion! ’tis so fair,
I venture in, and lo!
I find the blessed inmate there,
One I well knew below!
And shall I marvel 1 — Jesus said,
Your mansions I prepare; This is my friend’s, ’twas for her made,
Why wonder that she’s there I
THE ROYAL HEIR.
And dost thou love the Lord art thou His child 1 And does His Spirit in thy bosom rest 1
Then hath a happy lot upon thee smiled, And thou of priceless knowledge art possessed.
Hail, brother pilgrim, hail! though in disguise, (Perhaps thy outward robe may speak thee mean
And as of little note in mortal eyes,) Yet, oh! thou hast a title, which, if seen
And read by earth’s aspirants, would declare That thou art royal born — a prince — an heir.
And though a seeming exile from the land
Where dwell thy prospects so exceeding fair, The interests of thy Father’s throne demand
Thy utmost vigilance, thy special care; Thou wast not rescued from the dark domain
Where captive held, by chains, malicious wrought, To purchased light, and liberty, in vain, —
Thou art the Lord’s redeemed and dearly bought.
Thy soul, thy bodij, and thy every power
Was purchased unto Him and Him alone, And not one day — no, not one passing hour,
Canst thou by virtual right use as thine own; The Lord’s free servant, thy Redeemer’s claim.
Sealed with His blood’s deep, traceless signature; Then go forth in His might — work in His name —
Prove faithful until death — thy crown is sure.
TRAVELLER’S SONG-.
My Father — God ! — I feel, I feel thy love,
All is well, all is well, — My heart is fix’d, is fix’d on things above,
All is well, all is well; From henceforth all for Christ I give, Resolv’d in Him to die or live; And He hath said, “All, all receive,”
All is well, all is well.
This perfect love, — ’tis perfect, perfect bliss,
All is well, all is »lell,
0 what a happy, happiness is this I
All is well, all is well.
To hear Him whisper thou art mine,
“And all in me, my child, is thine,’’
0! these are triumphs all Divine,
All is well, all is well.
Ah! what is earth, is earth, when I can sing.
All is well, all is well; Dark I dark the joys, the joys that she can bring.
All is well, all is well: Here, all is transport, light and rest; Here, here am I supremely blest, With Christ — and all in him possessed,
All is well, all is well.
Hark I duty calls — it calls, and I obey, All is well, all is well;
What though the cross — the cross, lies in the way,
All is well, all is well:
Though fearful nature, shrinking stand,
Lord, I am thine, and in thy hand;
I’ll follow on — if thou command,
AH is well, all is well.
Ilise, rise my soul, and onward, onward still,
All is well, all is well; God shall with all, with all his fulness fill,
All is well, all is well.
Stronger than death. His love to thee,
And thou, to all eternity,
A monument of grace shall be.
All is well, all is well.