The Works of the Rev. John Wesley, Vol. 12 (of 32)

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THE
WORKS
OF THE
Rev. JOHN WESLEY, M.A.
Late Fellow of Lincoln-College, Oxford.

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Volume XII.

* * *

BRISTOL:

Printed by WILLIAM PINE, in Wine-Street.

MDCCLXXII.

Of his last sickness and death.

HIS state of body in general (as has been related) was that of a lingering death, which however, being interspersed with intervals of comparative health and strength, admitted of his still going on, in the work of his calling. But by his last sickness is meant, that degree of disease, which admitted of no such interval; and at last took him off entirely, from all mental or bodily labour, and ended in his removal hence.

This his last illness may be dated from February 24, 1758, a few days after his arrival at Bristol, in his way to Ireland. After preaching twice as usual, and studying hard all day, he was seized with violent pains in his head, and in all his bones. He however rose the next morning at his usual time, and preached; retiring afterwards to his daily exercises; but still feeling the pressure of the disorder, “My body says he, trembled with weakness, but my soul was happy in God!”

He avoided yielding to his pains, and proceeded in his Lord’s work as usual, for several days: till at length he was constrained to take his bed. Here he was confined for several days; and taking exact notice, (as his disorder admitted) of the state of his heart, according to his constant custom, and growing something better, he wrote from the fulness of his heart his state and sentiments as follows,

“Saturday March 4. (The day he took his bed) good is thy will O Lord. Thy counsels of old are faithfulness and truth. Thou reignest in righteousness; though no man can know love or hatred, by all that is before him, Ecclesiastes ix. Thou givest account of thy ways to none; but assurest the righteous, that it shall be well with him; and that thy corrections are with this design, that we may partake of thy holiness. I am in thy hands, O my God: work thy perfect will in me, and sustain me in this trial. I call upon thee in the day of trouble; and believe thou wilt deliver me, and that I shall glorify thee, and praise thee yet more and more. Thus (as he concludes) I went to bed very ill, and happy.

“Sunday 5. My illness continued and encreased. I had not much consolation, but was graciously preserved from buffetings. Monday 6. Continued in soul as yesterday only with more examination. Tuesday 7. I had scarcely any alteration in body or soul. I cried to God, and he heard me; but the sweet and usual returns of prayer were not. Wednesday 8. God gave me to weep much for the sins of my whole life. Thursday 9. My pains and pleasures, corporal and spiritual, were as the day before. Friday 10. I had more consolation of soul. Saturday 11. The spirit of prayer was plentifully imparted to me: I could plead the mercies, and promises, and merits of God my Saviour, and his love and joy were more plentifully poured into my soul. Sunday 12. I had gracious intimations of the good will of God towards me in this sickness.

“Monday 13. I was able to read and pray, and advise friends to love God and seek him in good earnest, while they had strength. Tuesday 14. I was better still, and prayed for the increase of holy love in the children of God, and for the propagation of the faith in all nations.”

Besides this daily minuting down the state of his soul, he on a general review (as was his constant manner on these occasions) of the whole, has, among several other particulars, the following observations,

*“I had a constant witness from the Holy Ghost, that I was a child of God. However, the sins of my whole life were brought to my remembrance; particularly those of my heart; the manifold backslidings known only to God. For altho’ God preserved me from falling even once, into those sins, in which I lived in the days of my ignorance; nevertheless I saw my pride, desire, self-will, self-indulgence, levity, and misspending time.¹ I may add to these, my want of love to God, charity to my neighbour, and more serious concern for my own soul. I saw how wonderfully the Lord had dealt with me, raising me from the dust, and giving me so many and invaluable blessings; so that I ought, more than all men, to serve and love him.”

¹ So severe a judge was he of himself, while in the judgment of all who knew his manner of life, he was exemplarily remarkable for the direct contrary. But “the highest flames (to use the words of the great, and pious bishop Taylor) are the most tremulous; and so the most holy and eminent religious persons, are more full of awfulness, and fear, and modesty, and humility. And it is a sure rule, that whatsoever heights of piety, union or familiarity, any man pretends to, it is of the devil, unless the greater also be the humility of the man.”

“I was moreover deeply convinced how possible, yea easy it is, for a person after having received great light, love, power, and joy, to fall notwithstanding, into a certain dulness of soul; and that holy desires, vehement thirstings after God, and the spirit of prayer, may be lessened, and lost. Truly we can keep nothing unless the Holy Ghost help our infirmities continually.

*“But the grand lesson of all which in this little interval I learned was, the absolute necessity of being free from persons, things, and places. I saw what a tendency the soul has to rest in something beside God; I saw that even when we give up our beloved sins, and all temporal things, we are nevertheless apt to rest in the gifts and graces of God; making them as it were our Saviour, and comforter instead of Christ.”

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