The Mutual Duties of Husbands and Wives

It may be asked, Why is this Discourse published?

The Author has never been afraid to preach on moral subjects. He despises the charge of Legality, and exceedingly dislikes the exclusive application of the term Evangelical, to doctrinal preaching.

He has also been accustomed to seize events, and circumstances, as they arise, to enliven attention, and diversify public instruction. His much esteemed Friend, whose name he has been compelled to suppress in the title-page, having engaged to worship in his congregation, on the Sabbath previous to his espousals with an amiable young Female who had resided some months in the Author’s family — he resolved to select a portion of scripture suitable to the occasion. The occasion was particular, but the subject was general; he therefore enlarged, and delivered the following Discourse. The same day he received a pressing solicitation from his friend to publish; soon after arrived a request, signed by a number of his people, in the name of the rest. The Author respects their judgment, and owes much to their kindness and esteem. The peculiar delicacy and elegance with which these applications are drawn up, would induce him to expose them at length, did not their flattering relation to himself forbid.

It is hoped the Discourse will appear impartial; it was deliT>L ered without fear, and without flattery. Long as the Discourse will be found, it was all spoken; the Preacher desiring the audience to exercise a little more patience than usual. He chose to address both at the same time, rather than reserve the duties of either husband or wife to another opportunity. As the Author always preaches without notes, and had written only a general sketch of the subject, some few words and phrases may differ from those delivered in the pulpit; but the sense is completely, and the language nearly the same. Had the Discourse been designed for publication, or studied free from some peculiar interruptions and engagements, it might have been less unworthy of perusal.

Bath August 24, 1801.

DISCOURSE.

1 Peter iii. 1 — 7.

Likewise, yc wives, be in subjection to your own hzisbands, that if any obey not the word, they also may, without the word, be won by the conversation of the wives, while they behold your chaste conversation coupled with fear. Whose adorning, let it not be that outward adorning, of plaiting the hair, and of icearing of gold, or of putting on of apparel; but let it be the hidden man of the heart, in that which is not corruptible, even the ornament of a meek and, quiet spirit, which is in the sight of Ood of great price. For after this manner, in the old time, the holy women also who trusted in Ood adorned themselves, being in subjection unto their own husbands .- even as Sarah obeyed .Abraham, calling him lord; whose daughters ye are as long as ye do well, and are not afraid with any amazement. Likewise, ye husbands, dwell with them according to knowledge, giving honour unto the loife as unto the weaker vessel, and as being heirs together of the grace of life; that your prayers be not hindered.

The Governor of the universe is perpetually varying and determining our duties, by the dispensations of bis providence, the conditions in which he fixes us, and the connexions he leads us to form. Thus the whole scripture is examined in succession, and every truth of the gospel obtains an application ap-» propriate and impressive.

Marriage is an institution of peculiar importance. It is of divine ordination, and almost coeval with the existence of the human race. It is the origin of families; the source of the continuance and welfare of nations. It distinguishes man from the brute creation, excludes the disorders of licentiousness, and cherishes the sweetest affections of the heart. There is no union, the quality of which is so intimate, the obligation of which is so binding, the consequences of which are so momentous. It even surpasses natural relation; ’ and for this cause shall a man leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave unto his wife, and they two shall be one flesh; what therefore God hath joined together, let not man put asunder.’

Hence the opinion of those who would either banish or degrade marriage, has always been held by the wise and the virtuous, as a sentiment the most vile and injurious, equally destructive of morals and of social happiness. Hence many of the philosophers and legislators, even in the heathen world, were peculiarly solicitous to establish, to sanction, to encourage, and to regulate this institution. But in this, as well as in every other instance favourable to the welfare of mankind, the ’ gospel of our salvation’ has the pre-eminence. It classes the prohibition of the ordinance with the doctrine of devils;’ assures us marriage is honourable in all;’ leads us back to its com-, mencement in Paradise; renders the bond indissoluble; places it under the jurisdiction of Heaven; takes from it an image to prefigure the union of Christ and his people, and often makes it the subject of particular instruction. It has given us advice, it has given us law; and where is this law so beautifully and largely expressed as in the passage I hold up to view this morning?

L In the delineation of the duties resulting from marriage, our divine Instructer begins with WIVES — and to animate their attention to the rules he prescribes, he reminds them of the probability of their usefulness to their bus-, bands in a case of all others the most interest-, ing: ‘If any obey not the word, they may without the word, be won.’

Religion is not always universal, even in small, detached portions of society. In the same house, there may be an heir of glory, and a son of perdition, natural alliance and spiritual disunion, persons living together in this world between whom, in eternity, there will be a great gulf fixed.

The instance of infidelity and ungodliness is taken from the man; and the apostle marks the piety of the wife, rather than of the husband. Is this mentioned without design? Do not history, experience, and observation favour the probabihty? Have not women in all denominations, in all ages, in all countries, in all ranks, been more disposed to religion, than men? From how many vices are females restrained by considerations which bear, much less forcibly, on the minds of men? Who depends so much on opinion and esteem, or feels so many motives to preserve reputation unblemished? Denied so often the liberty of divulging their emotions, who so ready to seize the privilege of prayer, and to pour out the heart before God? Who so susceptible of lively impressions? Who feels so powerfully the thrilling of sympathy, or melts down so easily into all the tendernesses of benevolence? While we think, they feel; while we deliberate, they relieve. What woman was ever destitute of commiseration? It was not a woman that unfeelingly ’ looked on,’ or passed by on the other side,’ when the poor traveller lay, wounded, bleeding, half dead. Who so accustomed to self-denial, the first, the last lesson, in the school of Christ? Who feels such vicissitudes of health, or passes through scenes of pain and hazard so adapted to excite an entire dependence upon God, and to awaken solemn thought, by bringing another world nearer the view? Less occupied in the distracting concerns of business, she has more time for solitude and reflection. Her general sphere of action, is much more propitious to innocency and devotion. Her joys are more immediately derived from her virtues. Home is the chief place of her amusements. The tenderest cares of nature charm, as well as employ her. The mother is happy to press to her lips and to her bosom the babe she has borne; to feel the stroking hand of her suckling at her breast; to sit by the cradle of her infant daughter; to view from the window the manly exploits of her boy; or

‘Delightful task, to rear the tender thought, To teach the young idea how to shoot, To pour the fresh instruction o’er the mind. To breathe th’ enlivening spirit, and to fix The generous purpose in the glowing breast.’

Hence, how often do we see the sister, travelling a road, in which her brother refuses to accompany her; and the wife, living under the powder of the gospel, while the husband neglects to hear, or hears with indifference! It were indeed to be wished that real Christians would never contract affinity with the irreligious: they are required to ’ marry in the Lord.’ The necessity of this law is more than justified, by the discords and miseries in which those involve themselves, who refuse to be governed by it. Therefore no countenance is here given to the practice of being ’ unequally yoked together with unbelievers.’ But a change may be effected subsequent to marriage. The wife may become religious, while the husband remains a stranger, or a foe. Now that which should prevent marriage, is not to dissolve it. The relation continues; and the wife, so far from being absolved from her obligation, is furnished with an additional motive to discharge it. ‘For what knowest thou, O wife, whether thou shalt save thy husband?’ Let it excite all thy concern. The salvation of a soul! the salvation of a husband! of one endeared by so many ties! O lose not each other in the ’ valley of the shadow of death.’ Let your friendshijD survive the desolations of time, and be renewed to infinite advantage beyond the grave. Think, O wife, of the happiness, the honour that awaits you. What is the triumph you have acquired over him by your charms, compared with the victory you will obtain over him by your religion? What pleasure will attend the remainder of your days; now you are ’ of one heart and of one mind:’ now you ’ take sweet counsel together.’ The privileged language of prayer now is, our Father; of every motion made ’ to go and seek the Lord of Hosts,’ there is a ready acceptance, ‘I will go also.’ And what will * be your joy and crown of rejoicing’ in that day when, before assembled men and angels, he will say, ‘O blessed be the Providence which attached us in yonder world, and has still more perfectly united us in this. ‘The woman thou gavest to be with me’ led me not to ’ the tree of knowledge of good and evil,’ but to ’ the tree of life, which is in the midst of the Paradise of God.’

To encourage those who feel the painful affliction of ungodly relations, I would observe that, ultimately, we seldom see one individual only in the household called by grace. She may have the honour of being the first-fruits; but more, commonly follow. She may be long exercised before any favourable indications appear; but how often, at last, are all her prayers heard, and her endeavours crowned with success; prejudices the most inveterate gradually give way; each is successively disposed to hear, till we see them all ’ going to the house of God in company.’ It is not possible for persons to be much together even in the exercises of common friendship, without impression and effect: we soon imbibe each other’s dispositions, and assimilate: ’ he that walketh with wise men shall be wise, and a companion of fools shall be destroyed.’ But of all the causes which form our manners, none operates so powerfully as female intercourse. If confined entirely to their company, we become effeminate; if constantly excluded from it, we contract a roughness of temper, and a negligence of person; our behaviour assumes a ruder form, our voice a harsher tone; our sensations are less delicate, our passions more brutal. Who has so many avenues to the heart as a woman? What influence affects like her’s? By means of a connexion the most attractive, an intercourse the most familiar, the persuasion of words, the eloquence of tears, an example the most lovely and always placed in view, a wife has a thousand opportunities of removing prepossessions, of fixing impressions, of engaging attention, of insinuating goodness. The gospel was spread over a large proportion of Europe, and established in several countries where it prevails to this day, chiefly by women, who, not satisfied with gaining thrones by their charms, rendered their attractions subservient to their religion, and drew over monarchs to the Christian faith. *rhese are pubUc, splendid achievements, ImmortaUzed in history. How many private instances of this sanctified Influence are there, unknown to the world, but recorded ’ in the book of God’s remembrance.’ And if, my sisters, your example succeeds in the conversion of a husband from irrellglon, shall it not be effectual to reclaim him from inferior mistakes and improprieties? Shall it not advance godliness, where it is already found? warm it, where it is chilled? polish it, where it is rough? and finish it, where it is outline?

And how is all this to be accomplished? Not by eccentric efforts; not by starting out of your sphere, but by exemplifying religion as you move orderly in it; not by preaching, but by living; addressing the eye rather than the ear; employing the eloquence which flows from subjection, conversation, chastity and fear; the manner in which you adorn yourselves; the models you design to imitate.

1. Nothing will increase your influence, and secure your usefulness, more than ’ being in SUBJECTION to your own husbands.’ This must, doubtless, be limited and qualified. If the demands of a husband oppose the will of God, you are pre-engaged by a law of universal operation, and ’ ought to obey God rather than man.’ In other cases, perhaps, it will not be so easy to furnish exceptions. ‘Therefore, as the church is subject unto Christ, so let the wives be to their own husbands in every thing.’

There is a general rule, the spirit of which would easily settle every relative claim: ’ submitting yourselves one to another in the fear of God.’ But it cannot be denied, that a peculiar subjection is in the scriptures required of the wife; not indeed the submission of slaves to their masters, or of subjects to their sovereign, or even of children to a father. It has more of equality in it; accords with the idea of a helper, companion, friend; springs originally from choice; and is acquiesced in for the sake of propriety and advantage. For none of the determinations of God are capricious: all are founded in reason, and all are designed to promote both individual and social welfare. In this regulation, has God acted partially? Has he sacrificed the happiness of the woman to the dignity of the man? Has he not equally regarded the interest of the wife, the children, and the connexions? In all communities, whether more or less extensive, there can be no happiness without peace, no peace without order, no order without subordination, no subordination without subjection. Perpetual strife would originate from equality, or contested superiority. Numberless contentions would arise, from diversity of views, from difference of temper, and perverse adherence to opposite plans, destroying the harmony and tranquillity of families. The only method by which these disorders can be either precluded or removed, is by establishing pre-eminence and authority, and enjoining submission and acquiescence. This being indispensably necessary, the only question is. Where shall the power of decision be lodged?

From many considerations, expressive of the divine will, the scripture assigns this prerogative to the man. Witness the priority of his creation: ‘For Adam was first formed, then Eve.’ Witness the manner in which he derived his being: ‘The man is not of the woman, but the woman of the man.’ Witness his destiny: ‘For the man was not created for the woman, but the woman for the man.” And the Lord said, it is not good for man to be alone; I will make him a help meet for him.’ Wimess his relation: ‘The man is the image and glory of God, but the woman is the glory of the man.’ Witness the entrance of sin: ‘Adam was not deceived, but the woman being deceived, was in the transgression.’ Witness the malediction denounced upon the woman: ‘Thy desire shall be to thy husband, and he shall rule over thee.’ There was nothing originally like a curse in this demand. In Paradise, nothing oppressive or unreasonable, would have appeared in the requisition: and nothing mortifying, would have attended the performance. But the fall has shed the poison — sin has rendered it irksome. The woman is disinclined to obey, while the man is often absurd in his designs, capricious in his temper, tyrannical in his claims, and degrading in his authority. But, my sisters, while you have reason, much reason to complain j remember, it is the consequence of sin, the sin of your own sex. Turn the curse into a blessing; derive real honour from seeming disgrace. You cannot dispense with this subjection, without opposing the express will of God, and violating the laws of marriage to which you have acceded by a voluntary engagement, and promised obedience in a manner the most solemn.

2. Much depends upon your ’ conversation.’ By this you are to understand all your behaviour, the whole course of your lives. Little is to be done by a single action, or an individual solitary excellence, while other things in the character, so far from aiding its impressions, counteract its tendency, or mar its effects. There is a connexion between duties and virtues: they enliven and enforce, they sustain and recommend each other. The strength of this moral chain to draw, depends upon the concatenation of the links; and the force of this spiritual beauty to strike and captivate, results from the union, harmony, and proportion of all the lineaments. One handsome feature, all surrounded with ugliness, would excite disgust, or render deformity the more observable.

3. Your conversation is to be always distinguished by ‘CHASTITY and fear,’ and these are to be ’ coupled.’ How natural, how necessary the alliance 1

The apostle deems it needless to descend to the grossness of vice, or actual infractions of the marriage covenant. He would intimate, that where there are no such infamous degradations in your sex, there may be an audacity of countenance, a boldness of look, a levity of discourse, a freedom of manners, a forwardness of behaviour, a challenging, obtrusive, advancing air — very unbecoming the sacred decorum which should appear in all the female character. He therefore requires ’ fear.’ It intends the reverse of every thing seen in too many of our modern females — diffidence, bashfulness; the blushings of reserve; the tremulous retiring of modesty; the sensation which arises from the union of innocency and danger; the carefulness which leads you to ’ avoid the appearance of evil;’ the apprehension, that to be suspected is almost as bad as to be guilty; the prudence which keeps you far, veiy far from the extremities of permission; the vigilance which discerns and announces danger, while yet a great way off; the caution that never suffers the outguards to be called in, or the enemy to approach even near enough to reconnoitre. This, my fair hearers, will diffuse a glory over you, wdiich never fails to charm, and upon ail the glory will be a defence.

4. Much depends on the manner in which you adorn yourselves; whether you appear the votaries of vanity; or prize your souls; improve your minds; and govern your tempers. ‘Whose ADORNING, let it not be that outward adorning of plaiting the hair, and of wearing of gold, or of putting on of apparel: but let it be the hidden man of the heart, in that which is not corruptible; even the ornament of a meek and quiet spirit, which is in the sight of God of great price.’

The sex which rendered clothing necessary, has always been too much disposed to glory in the memorial of our shame. Women have not the same mediums of address with men. They must succeed by means more silent and disguised. Discovery would often frustrate intention. They know their force Hes in their beauty, and seize dress as an auxihary; they increase natural attractions by artificial assistance. Can a maid forget her ornaments, or a bride her attire?’

Peter knows what is too characteristical in the sex. What he despairs to alter, he labours to improve. Women must be fine; will be fine. He indulges them; only turning their attention from external decoration to internal accomplishment. Not that he forbids a proper attention to the body. Nothing can be so despicable and disgusting as a slattern; though it has been remarked, that a propensity to it, is often found connected with a love of finery. The body is the work of God; the structure is ’ fearfully and wonderfully made.’ It is a part of our nature, but it is the inferior part; and this should regulate the degree of attention. A woman of good sense, will always possess a better standard of dress in her own taste, than is to be derived from any precise rules.

She will avoid whatever would appear light

72 THE MUTUiL DUTIES

and wanton. The apparel of ’ a woman professing godliness,’ should not be the attire of a woman of the world, much less, ’ the attire of a harlot.’ Females sometimes wear a label, on which indecency and indelicacy are wTitten, and then appear to be offended because observers can read. I would not always infer too much of the disposition from these outward hints, but in the name of a blush, on what principle can we explain the invention or adoption of certain modes? — I describe nothing. She will beware of exceeding her rank, and her circumstances, or even of reducing her means of beneficence. Shall I here avail myself of the season? How many miserable objects are there around you! What an insult on the wretchedness of the times, is the dress of many extravagant females! My fair hearers, escape this censure. Remember Dorcas; enter yonder ’ upper chamber;’ see the ’ widows standing and weeping, and showing the coats and garments which she made while she was with them.’ What will afford you most pleasure when you come to die, the recollection of the property you employed in clothing the naked, or of that which you expended on costly folly? What satisfaction, resulting from the applause of finery, can equal the joy of benevolence that a female feels, while moving among the tears, prayers, and benedictions of gratitude? ‘When the ear heard me, then it blessed me; and when the eye saw me, it gave witness unto me.’

She will keep it from engrossing too much of the mind; she will not suffer it to be either her business or delight; she will not render herself responsible at the bar of God for the awful waste of hours, week, months, shall I add, years! detached from a life as short as it is important, and the whole of which ought to be redeemed!

The apostle speaks comparatively. He would teach women that they have souls; that they are made capable of greater beauty than the body yields; that they ought to adorn the mind; that their endeavours to decorate their persons should be infinitely surpassed by their attention to intellectual accomplishments; that they should be ambitious of moral endowments, and above all things, pay an attention to the heart.’ For what are talents unsanctlfied? ‘Knowledge pufFeth up,’ but ’ charity edifieth.’ What are notions the most sublime, and sentiments the most admired, if the disposition be not under the bias of religion? How defective will the whole figure appear, without ’ the ornament of a meek and QUIET SPIRIT?’ What so unsightly, so odious, as a discontented, fretliil, foaming, boisterous, scolding woman? ‘A continual dropping in a very rainy day, and a contentious woman are alike.’ * It is better to dwell in the corner of a house-top than with a brawling woman in a wide house.’ It is better to dwell in the wilderness than with a contentious and an angry woman. Whoso hideth her, hideth the wind, and the ointment of his right hand, that bewTayeth itself.’ The Graces were female: so were the Furies too. Much depends on the cultivation of the mind; more on the regulation of the temper. The necessity of this qualification, in family connexion, is inconceivable. In manacrino: the concerns of a household, how many things will perpetually arise to disappoint, to ruffle, to unhinge, to vex, and to provoke! These require the command of temper. And there are wives, and there are wives in this assembly, who in ’ patience possess their souls;’ who can feel, but retain their composure; who can calmly remonstrate, but know not to insist; who can yield and accommodate; who are not easily provoked,’ but ’ easily entreated;’ who are disposed rather to endure than complain; and to suffer in secret, rather than disturb others with their grief.

Suffer me then, my fair hearers, to recommend this exchange, this preference of decoration. Like ’ the king’s daughter, be all glorious within.’ Let the Bible be the mirror at which you dress; and while others are weightily engaged in catching a fashion, or adjusting a curl, let the object of your cultivation be the understanding, the memory, the will, the affections, the conscience. Let no part of this internal creation be unadorned: let it sparkle with the diamonds of wisdom, of prudence, of humility, of gentleness. These ornaments alone will confer dignity, and prepare for usefulness. If destitute of these, can you imagine it possible to obtain real, durable regard? Need you be told, that these skin-deep perfections, those exterior, senseless appendages, imply no excellency in the wearer, and are only admired by the weak, or the worthless? Are you ignorant that men often despise a soul lodged in a form they adore, and admire nonsense, because it is poured from handsome lips? Are you designed for toys, or rational beings? the playthings of the senses, or improving companions? Would you in company keep your husbands on thorns, while they wish you to be seen, and hope you will not be heard; knowing how much more likely you are to strike by the quality and pattern of your robes, than by the insipidity and inanity of your discourse? Adorn yourselves in the newest mode, in the richest attire, plait your hair, deck yourselves with pearls — will these render you valuable? Will these qualify you to manage the concerns of a family, ’ to give a portion to your maidens,’ to train up your children in wisdom and virtue, to be a help meet for your husband! What! are you endued with reason and immortality, only to be enamoured with a piece of embroidery, or to pay your devotions to the colour of silk? Are you sublimely resolved never, never to leave the world of fans, and enter the region of intelligence and of mind?

These decorations are ’ not corruptible.’ All other ornaments ’ perish in the using.’ All other attire gives place to the shroud. ‘Beauty consumes away like a moth;’ the sparkling eye * is closed in darkness;’ the body is ’ laid in the grave; death shall feed upon it.’ The charmer, looking in vain for admirers, says ’ to corruption, Thou art my father: to the worm, Thou art my mother and my sister.’ Prolong life. Accidents may disfigure, and diseases corrode. How quickly time changes the countenance! How transient the empire of colours and of tints! How soon wrinkles and gaudy attire disagree! Having laid in no stock of mental influence, and sober entertainment against the evil day, what becomes of these delightful creatures? A few years reduce them to insignificance, leaving them only the humiliating claims of pity, or the uncertain returns of gratitude. But an accomplished, pious woman, can never be the object of neglect; she will attract notice, and confer happiness, even when descending into the vale of years. The ravages of time cannot reach the soul: death cannot strip off the habits of immortality: it will only change her ’ from glory to glory:’ only remove her from earth, unworthy of continuance, and place her among ’ the innumerable company of angels.’

In adorning ourselves, the opinion of others is very influential; especially if the admirers discover taste, possess sway, or can give law to fashion. This decoration ‘is in the sight GF God of great price.” Not’ she ’ who commendeth herself is approved, but whom the Lord commendeth.’ What is ’ the honour that Cometh from man?’ How wavering, how vain, how debasing! But ’ the honour that Cometh from God only,’ is purifying, satisfying, enduring. It is impossible to feel a complacency in ourselves, while conscious that we are disesteemed by a Being of infinite wisdom, excellency, and goodness. His ’ judgment is always according to truth.” In his favour is life;’ on his applause our happiness depends; and in vain we approach him with any of those distinctions which dazzle and deceive mankind; for ’ the Lord taketh pleasure’ only ’ in them that fear him, in them that hope in his mercy.’

5. Much depends on the models you choose for imitation. The apostle would have you conform, not to the flutterers of fashion, not to the triflers of a day, who live only to please, and derive all their consequence from vanity; but an illustrious company of female worthies, who drew towards them the eye of God, who served their generation according to his will, who obtained a distinguished place in the annals of inspiration, whose names have been long glorified, and will be ’ had in everlasting remembrance.’ ‘A gracious woman retaineth honour.’ Favour is deceitful and beauty is vain, but a woman that feareth the Lord, she shall be praised: give her of the fruit of her hand, and let her own works praise her in the gates.” For after this manner in the old time, the holy women also who trusted in God adorned themselves, being in subjection to their own husbands: even as Sarah obeyed Abraham, calling him lord, whose daughters ye are, as long as ye do well, and are not afraid with any amazement.’ The honour of this alliance awaits you, however inferior in talents, however obscure in your stations, however poor in your circumstances, here is a passage, by which you may obtain a place in this glorious assembly, and sit down by the side of a Lydia, a Mary, a Hannah, a Deborah, a Sarah, in the kingdom of God.’ For by what are these pious women distinguished? By excellencies which fall within the reach of general imitation: by preferring the soul to the body; by meekness and gentleness; by modesty and reserve; by a ready submission to the demands of their stations. Thus Sarah, though of the same family with her husband, and distinguished by peculiar honours, never rose above the most humble duties of her situation; never suffered even the princess, to injure the wife; and, willingly yielded Abraham reverence and obedience.

But in all these instances, you will never ’ do well,’ and become the ’ daughters’ of Sarah, unless you maintain a holy magnanimity;

NOT BEING AFRAID WITH ANY AMAZEMENT*

OF HUSBAxXDS AND WIVES. 81

—SO as to be staggered, confounded, dismayed, in the course of prescribed duty. There can be no impartial obedience, or unwavering peruse verance in religion, without courage and confidence. The man needs it, the woman needs it: the husband requires it, and the wife equally requires it. It would be rendered still more necessary, were a period to arrive, in wdiich every airy speculation would be prefer red to practice; things important, because plain and of old standing, would be lightly esteemed; and nothing would strike, nothing be relished, unless dressed up in novelty, and seasoned with extravagance. Such, my female friends, is the period in which we live* Many of the things which we have been recommending on sacred ground, would be considered as barba rous notions, as ignorance of the world, preju-^ dices which philosophy would cure, the airs of hypocrisy, the effects of prudishness. Can you form yourselves by these rules? Can you encounter opinion? Can you bear the charge of singularity? Can you abandon the multi-. tude, laughing or lampooning as you retire y Can you live according to the dictates of rea son, of conscience, and of God? Be principled — be decided — be resolved — be firm. Having formed your views in the divine presence, and feeling all your motives, go forth, and be steadfast and unmoveable, in the execution;

* always abounding in the work of the Lord.’

There is another instance in which these pious women exercised confidence — depending on the providence of God, staying themselves by faith on his promises; and thus looking forward with a firm, unruffled mind towards those trying, painful, perilous events which were expected to befall them. The scripture, with its usual tenderness, furnishes the woman with this soothing, tranquillizing hope, in prospect of a season the most anxious,

* Notwithstanding she shall be saved in child-birth, if they continue in faith and charity, and holiness, with sobriety.’

II. Men and Brethren, you have been hearing my address to the companions of your lives. But 1 hope you deem instruction equally necessary for yourselves. I hope you are not inclined to take advantage of the subject, to abuse your authority or your claims. Be assured they are not unquahfied. If the wife is to be governed by you, you are to be governed by reason and religion. If she is to submit, you are to honour. If in some things there is a difference, in others, and those too the most interesting and durable, there is an equality.* ‘Likewise, ye husbands, dwell with them according to knowledge, giving honour unto the wife, as unto the weaker vessel; and as being heirs together of the grace of life; that your prayers be not hindered.’ Observe, my brethren, 1st, the representation of your duty; and 2dly, the motives by which, it is enforced.

The representation of your duty comprehends two things.

1. You are to ’ dwell with them according TO KNOWLEDGE.’ This intends nothinor less than residence, opposed to absence and roving. It is absurd for those who have no prospect of cohabitation to enter this state, and those who are already in it, should not be unnecessarily abroad. Circumstances of various kinds will doubdess render occasional excursions unavoidable; but let a man return as soon as the design of his absence is accomplished, and let him always travel with the words of Solomom in his mind, ‘As a bird that wandereth from her nest, so is a man that wandereth from his place.’ Can a man, while fi’om home, discharge the duties he owes to his household? Can he discipline histhildren? Can he maintain the worship of God in his family? 1 know it is the duty of the wife to lead the devotion in the absence of the husband; and she should take it up as a cross, if not for the time as a privilege. Few however are thus disposed, and hence one of the sanctuaries of God, for weeks and months together, is shut up. I am sorry to say, there are some husbands who seem fonder of any society than the company of their wives. It appears in the disposal of their leisure hours. How few of these are appropriated to the wife! The evenings are the most domestic periods of the day. To these the wife is peculiarly entitled; she is now most free from her numerous cares, and most at liberty to enjoy reading and conversation. It is a sad reflection upon a man when he is fond of spending his evenings abroad. It implies something bad, and it predicts something worse.

But though the apostle intends nothing less than residence, he designs much more. Residence is required with a view to the performance of all the duties of the state, and is used to express them. In the discharge of these obligations, the husband is to act ’ according to knowledge,’ to ’ behave’ himself ’ wisely,’ to regulate all his proceedings by a holy discretion. O ye husbands, show that you are capable of the relation in which you are placed! If you will be the head, remember the head is not only the seat of government, but of knowledge. If you will have the management of the ship, see that a fool is not placed at the helm. Shall the blind offer themselves as guides? To enable you to live as a Christian husband, in how many instances will the exercise of an enlightened prudence be found necessary! By this you are to ascertain the temper, the excellencies, the foible of your associates. This is to teach you, how to accommodate. This is to show you, when to see as if you saw not, and to hear as if you heard not. This is to tell you how to extinguish the torch of discord; how even to prevent the kindling of strife; when to give up, when to recede from a lawful claim for the sake of a greater good. This is to teach you also, when you are not to yield. Adam, to indulge the solicitation of his wife, disobeyed the commands of Heaven. By the same soft, seducing instrumentality, the heart of Solomon was turned aside from God. Their sad examples have been unhappily, too often followed. But, would she force upon you her antipathies; would she embroil you in all the resentments of caprice, or rivalry; would she allure you towards scenes of dissipation and gaiety; would she urge you to extravagance in appearances, dress, table, furniture; would she chill you with suspicions, and render you less generous; the importunity of woman, ’ lovely woman,’ is to be in vain. ‘He that loveth’ even ’ his wife more than me, is not worthy of me.’

2dly. You are to ’ give honour unto the wife.’ — What honour?

The honour of esteem. This is to arise from a consciousness of her worth, and a knowledge of her importance in the community, in the family, and to yourselves, by polishing your character, dividing your cares, soothing your sorrows, affording you in a peaceful home a refuge from the storm, an asylum from the mortifications of an unfriendly world.

The honour of attachment. This affection is to be peculiar, undivided, unrivalled. Nothing is to wear it away, nothing to diminish it: no length of time, no discovery of imperfection. Children are parts of yourselves, but your wives are yourselves. ‘No man ever yet hated his own flesh:’ but many a monster has done so. I disdain to notice those miscreants, who can have recourse to blows; but those who can indulge in a churlishness of behaviour, a sharpness of language, an unkindness of looks, would do well to consider how far they are complying with the divine command, ‘Husbands, love your wives, and be not bitter against them.’

The honour of attention. Nothing is so intolerable to a female as neglect; and upon what principle can a man justify indifference, Omissions of observance, and heedless manners towards a wife? Has he not chosen her? Has he not declared his preference? Are not the vows of God upon him? Is she not the chief relation he possesses on earth?

The honour of confidence. You are not to proceed without their knowledge and advice. In many cases their opinion may be preferable to your own. Their judgment may be less clouded by interest: they stand back from the object, you are too near; they are cool and calm, you, by being in the scene, are ruffled, and inflamed. An eminent minister of the gospel has published to the world, ‘That he had never in any particular business acted contrary to the suggestions of his wife, without having reason afterwards to repent of it.’ I believe there are many who are restrained from similar acknowledgments only by a want of candor. Some husbands never consult their wives; or even deign to inform them: and their wives have often to learn from others, or from events, things in which perhaps they are most deeply concerned.

The honour of maintenance. You are to provide for them, and enable them to appear becoming their rank and situation in life. What can we think of the man who squanders away his substance upon his lewd or his drunken appetites, reduces his wife to a drudge, and suffers her with her babes to struocrle with the hardships of penury, unable to procure a sufficiency of food, or raiment? ‘If any provide not for his own, and especially for those of his own house, he hath denied the faith, and is worse than an infidel.’

The honour of benevolence. You are to enable her to do good. Every man should devote a proportion of his property to charitable uses, and he should not by his distribution of the whole, draw towards himself all the regards of the relieved and obliged. His wife should command a share of the means and of the honour. Husbands! give your wives ttiose proofs of regard which reason and revelation demand for them, and we shall soon hear less of your reflections and complaints.

Observe, 2dly the motives by which this duty is enforced. They are three.

The first is taken from the natural condition of the sex. ‘She is the weaker vessel.’ If this be mentioned as a reason to excite a becoming behaviour towards the wife, there can be nothing in the expression degrading, nothing that tends to diminish the honour we are bound to show them, nothing that is not adapted, when properly considered, to promote it. No invidious comparisons are here justified between the powers of the mind. Whether there would be any disparity, were females placed in the same circumstances, indulged with the same advantages, and allowed to feel the same motives with their brethren, it would be needless to determine. They have taken good care often to prove, that the difference is not so vast as some male monopolists are willing to suppose. The reference is obvious and striking. Nature is ahvays wise. It gives more strength where it is necessary, and less, where other qualities supersede if. Milton has finely expressed the difference in the original pair:

‘For contemplation he and valour form’d, J’or softness she and sweet attractive grace,’

Her bodily strength is inferior, her constitution less firm and vigorous, her frame more tender, her temper more yielding, her circumstances more generally depressing. A rose, a lily, allows of no rough usages. Tenderness demands gentleness: delicacy, care: pliancy, props. Has a condition fewer resources, and is there much in it of the afflictive and. humbling? The more does it need succour, and the more necessary is every assistance to maintain and increase the consequence of it, especially where so much depends upon the respectability of the character who fills it. Where is the man who is not alive to this consideration? Where is the husband, who, reflecting on her peculiar circumstances, would not be disposed by every possible means to promote the dignity, and the satisfaction of a wife? What is the language of these circumstances? ‘Honour us; deal kindly with us. From many of the opportunities, and means by which you procure favourable notice, we are excluded. Doomed to the shades, few of the high places of the earth are open to us. Alternately we are adored, and oppressed. From our slaves, you become our tyrants. You feel our beauty, and avail yourselves of our weakness. You complain of our inferiority, but none of your behaviour bids us rise. Sensibility has given us a thousand feelings, which nature has kindly denied you. Always under restraints, we have little liberty of choice. Providence seems to have been more attentive to enable us to confer happiness, than to enjoy it. Every condition has for us fresh mortifications; every relation, new sorrows. We enter social bonds; it is a system of perpetual sacrifice. We cannot give life to others, without hazarding our own. We have sufferings which you do not share, cannot share. If spared, years, and decays invade our charms, and much of the ardour produced by attraction departs with it. We may die. The grave covers us, and we are soon forgotten: soon are the days of your mourning ended, soon is our loss repaired; dismissed even from your speech, our name is to be heard no more; a successor may dislike it. Our children, after having a mother by nature, may fall under the control of a mother by affinity, and be mortified by distinctions made between them, and her own offspring. Though the duties which we have discharged invariably, be the most important and necessary, they do not shine: they are too common to strike: they procure no celebrity: the wife, the mother, fills no historic page. Our privations, our confinements, our wearisome days, our interrupted, our sleepless nights, the hours we have hung in anxious watchings over your sick and dying offspring.’

Behold a second motive. It is derived from the dignity of the wife as a mutual partaker of the privileges of the gospel. No inequality reigns here. It is a ’ common salvation.’ Are you, O man, an ’ heir of the grace of life?’ So are they; heirs together with you, in the same degree, having the same claims, the same hopes, the same reversions. ‘There is neither Jew nor Greek, there is neither bond nor free, there is neither male nor female; for ye are all one in Christ Jesus.’ Can a woman be an infidel? What self-degradation I Need she be told her obligations to Christianity? What has raised her so high in the scale of importance? What system has done such justice to her claims? In what country have the provisions of legislation lost sight of the distinction of male and female; looked at both with the same aspect, rendered the one as personally responsible as the other, and entitled them equally to the same rights and privileges? When a woman steps on this sacred ground, she becomes free; she is her own; she is a party, she treats for hiCrself. Here, my sisters, your reproach is rolled away. We see one of your sex bringing forth ‘ImmaiNuel, God with us.’ We see the angels of heaven bringing you messages, and performing for you miracles. We see you last at the cross, and first at the tomb of our common Lord. We see Jehovah listening to your supplications, and maintaining your cause. We see you ‘the daughters of the Lord Almighty.’ We see you redeemed with an infinite price, destined to possess a ‘far more exceeding and eternal weight of glory,’ and hastening to partake of a resurrection in which they ’ neither marry nor are given in marriage, but are as the angels of God in heaven.’

A third reason is drawn from those devotlonal exercises which cannot be properly performed where relative duty is not observed: ‘That your prayers be not hindered.’ It is impossible for a Christian to live without prayer. He prays alone, and he prays with others. The field, the temple, the closet, the family, are with him places ’ where prayer is wont to be made.’ How necessary is prayer in the marriage state! How does social devotion sweeten social life! It obtains strength for its duties, and succour for its trials. It gives a direction to the mind, by which we escape numberless snares; an elevation, by which we rise above a thousand vexations. How it sanctifies our comforts! How it prepares the soul for disappointment or success! How it calls down the blessing of Heaven to ’ attend the labour of our hand!’ How it attracts the divine presence, and places Him within our reach ’ who is nigh unto all them that call upon him; to all that call upon him in tmth.’ Of a prayerful habitation it may be said. How glorious is this place! ‘This is none other than the house of God, and this is the gate of heaven!” The voice of reioicinor and of salvation is in the tabernacles of the righteous.’ O happy mansion! where all the members of the family * dwell together in unity;’ living with each other here, as those who expect to be associates forever; maintaining a friendship, the centre of which is religion, the duration of which is eternity, the bonds of which are ’ faith and love which are in Christ Jesus.’

Guard, therefore, against every thing injurious to the service of God in your families. Let nothing hinder its exercise. Let nothing prevent its fervour. Let nothing destroy its freedom. Let nothing frustrate its efficacy. Let nothing limit, or even delay its success. Let your whole conversation be consistent with devotion, or preparatory to it. Avoid whatever renders an introduction into the Divine presence less easy, or less delightful. Keep open a passage wide enough to advance together to the throne of grace. Go hand in hand into his presence: ‘Agree, touching the things you shall ask, and it shall be done for you of our heavenly Father.’

In reviewing the subject, I would beseech you, my dear hearers, to remember, That those who make light of moral and relative duties, contemn the will of God. ‘He knows what is in man,’ and what is necessary to him. Every condition lies open to his view. He sees how things blend, and how they issue; how they oppose, or how they aid each other. Though invisible to us, he sees the worm that lies at the root of our social happiness: we wonder at the effect, he sees the cause, and would remove it. He has condescended to speak: we have his judgment relative to every station and relation in life. He speaks as a sovereign who has authority to command, and he speaks as a friend who consults your welfare, and ’ takes pleasure in the prosperity of his servants.’

Again. We have reason to lament, that there is such a general deficiency among professors of religion, with regard to those duties which they owe to each other. Many, to show their love to the gospel, testify their indifference to the law. Numbers are too orthodox, or too devotional, to be moral. Morality is below their faith, or their raptures. Various things their system has taught them; but onep thing it has not taught them, one thing it does not require them to learn — ‘to deny all ungodliness and worldly lusts, and to live soberly, righteously, and godly in the present world.’ Shall ministers, by their silence, be accessary to this corruption of manners, this awful perversion of religion? Let them ’ affirm, constantly, that they which have believed in God must be careful to maintain good works. These things are good and profitable unto men.’

Let those who stand already in the marriage relation, be willing to know, and to practise the duties which spring from it. Enter, my brethren and sisters, the temple of revelation; bov, before the divine oracle; say, ‘Lord, what wilt thou have me to do.” Speak, Lord, for thy servant heareth.’ Extract from the scripture, the mind of God concerning yourselves individually. Take home the words I have been explaining. Read, compare, resolve, reform. Let not husbands take away the duties of the wife, nor wives the duties of the husband; but let both take respectively their own, and say, ‘O that my feet were directed to keep thy statutes.” I have chosen the way of truth, thy judgments have I laid before me.” Through thy precepts 1 get understandmg, therefore I hate every false way.” I have sworn, and I will perform it, that I will keep thy righteous judgments.’

Let the young think of this, and let it influence their choice. Let those think of it, who are approaching this holy state. By many it is totally overlooked; and they contract marriages on considerations purely accidental, or worldly; as if they wished to marry, not to be happy; to gain each other, not to enjoy. Who forms this alliance as a Christian? Who enters it with those views and motives the gospel supplies? Who consults God in the undertaking? Who has the banns published in heaven to ascertain what impediments are pleaded there? Thus persons are often unsuitably bound together by an engagement, which can only be dissolved by death, that comes to release them from one prison, and conduct them into another.

But may I not congratulate others? My beloved friends, in this important concern, you have done nothing without asking counsel of the Lord. By faith and prayer, I am persuaded you have engaged that Saviour who was present at the marriage of Cana in GaUlee, to honour your approaching nuptials; and under the influence of his gracious Spirit, your mutual affections shall increase with time, and shine bright to all eternity. I look forward and see you blessing and blessed. I see you ’ walking in all the commandments and ordinances of the Lord blameless.’ I see your ‘children like olive-plants around your table.’ I see you endeavouring to form them into characters, and to ’ train them up in the nurture and admonition of the Lord.’ I see you resigning each other with the feelings and hopes of Christians. ‘For this I say, the time is short: It remaineth, therefore, that both they that have wives, be as though they had none; and they that weep, as though they wept not; and they that rejoice, as though they rejoiced not; and they that buy, as though they possessed not; and they that use this ^’Drld, as not abusing it: for the fashion of this world passeth away;’ and you are hastening from the altar to the tomb.