The Fifty-Seventh Sacrament, March 2, 1735

This, like yesterday, has been a day of unmerited, of unbounded goodness, and I can hardly express the sweet communion with God, which I had in his house and at his table. I had been discoursino; on communion with him, and, through grace, I have felt it. A sermon composed under great deadness, and which, when I composed it, I had thought very meanly of, was delivered with great seriousness, spirit, and pleasure. It was the language not merely of my tongue, but of my heart. I had communion with God, as my compassionate, wise, almighty, and bountiful Friend; with Christ, as my atonement, righteousness. Intercessor, Head, and Forerunner; and adored the Divine grace for such manifestations to so guilty and wretched a creature.

I opened the ordinance of the Lord’s supper with some meditations upon the women weeping as they followed Christ. They did not know all the purposes of his death. They mourned a kind and generous Friend; — we mourn a Redeemer; for the Lord laid on him the iniquity of us all; — he laid on him mine iniquity; perhaps mine alone might have sunk him as deep; at least, mine were added to the weight. He died for me. If I by my folly, had occasioned the death of a dear and valuable friend, how would it have wounded my soul! and if I had seen his picture, how would it have revived my sorrows! and if, when dying, he had sent me some kind token of his formveness and his love, how would my heart have bled when I had seen that token! Behold, it is here! this is the token that our dying Saviour sends to us, to tell us that he heartily forgives our folly and our wickedness, and died that it might be forgiven. What return shall I make? — Lord, I will love thee. But it is a poor return; but if I had more to give thee, I would do it cheerfully. If I were the highest angel in heaven, thou shouldst have all my heart. In the mean time, blessed be thy name, that I can say I love thee; and that thou knowest that, as thou knowest all things; — as Peter, when he could not appeal to his actions, as he could have wished, appealed to his heart and to Him that knew it: “Lord, I wish I could say, that thou mayest see by my conduct, that I have loved thee: — that I have adhered to thee when all forsook thee; and though brought into the danger of dying with thee, yet that I have not denied thee.” But as he could not say this, he appeals to Christ: “Lord, though I cannot clear it up as I could wish to men, yet I hope that I can clear it up to thee.”

In breaking the bread, I said, Is it nothing to us? Why, it is something to all around us; how much more, then, to us! Lord, I grieve that I can grieve no more. I appeal to thee, that I would love thee; and if my love might grow as affliction grows, I would bear as much as ever I could.

This I wrote as soon as I came home; but having been interupted in the memorandums here, I forget what followed in pouring out the wine, and only remember that it was, on the whole, a blessed day.