Considering Our Desires, Instead of God's Love

It is so much easier for us to feel the force of what we wish in the light of our present conditions and surroundings, than it is for us to comprehend what God wills in the light of His infinite knowledge and boundless love. And it is natural for those in the close limitations of humanity to be correspondingly unreasonable. Most persons are readier to judge God for his acts as affecting their supposed interests than to be judged by God for their actions as related to his disclosed purposes for their true welfare.

I was hardly more than a boy when this truth was first strongly impressed on me by the course and words of a young father whom I knew. The young man’s wife was a lovely Christian woman; but he had never

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committed himself trustfully to God’s guidance. While reverent toward God in all his outward acts, his position was rather that of an outside observer of God and God’s children than of one who desired to be one with them. When his first child was born he was very happy. When that child was taken sick he was very anxious. Everything that medical skill and nursing could do for the child’s recovery was secured. The father was even glad to have the wife’s pastor called in to pray for the sick child’s recovery. But when, after all, the child was taken away by death, the grief of the father was extreme; and there was bitterness in that grief

The father was now childless, — and this by the act of God. Instead of being in any sense submissive, the bereaved father seemed actually angry at God. He did not hesitate to say that it would have been a small matter to God to spare that child, and he had been asked to do so, and had refused to grant the request. The loss of

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that child was a great thing to the father, and God knew it would be so. And now the father’s feelings were well known to God, and God could not expect to have the bereaved father’s support or approval thenceforward while that father lived.

This determined attitude toward, or against, God, greatly shocked my young mind, as it was the first revelation to me of such a state of mind in view of God’s providential dealings with the children of men. Yet afterwards I found that this instance was by no means an isolated case. Again and again, as I came to be more among men, I found this attitude of the human mind existing; and I sought to deal with it as it was, instead of wondering why it was so.

One afternoon I was asked, under peculiar circumstances, to call on a young mother who was ill and in trouble. I was not acquainted with her, and I was told that she did not wish to see me; yet the circumstances as told me were such

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that I felt it to be my duty to go with her husband, as he told her story and made the request for the visit. She had a bright young son, who was for some years her only child. She had wished he had been a daughter. When, after some years, a little daughter was born to her, she was full of happiness and hope. But in a few weeks the babe sickened and died. Then she was inconsolable. Neither husband nor son could give her comfort. She had no peace or rest in a Saviour’s love. It was under these circumstances that I had been asked to visit her, and that I responded to the call.

She was unable to rise from her bed, and as I, the caller, sat by her bedside, I realized that I was unwelcome. Knowing her husband and boy, I spoke of them, and then said that I was sincerely sorry to learn of her great loss. I told of my own sorrow when a prisoner of war in a South Carolina jail, and the first letter that came to me through the lines by flag of

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truce told of the death of my youngest daughter. I couldn’t go to the sorrowing mother to try to comfort her; nor could I even write to her except in a brief letter which the prison authorities must read before allowing it to pass.

“That was pretty trying, you will believe. So I know how to sympathize with you,” said I.

“Yes, that was hard,” said the rebellious mother. “But was she your only daughter?”

“No, I had two other daughters; but she was my loved baby daughter.”

“But my baby was my only daughter, so you see my trial is greater than yours. You had your other daughters to love and care for. I have none.”

“Your case is a trying one,” I said. “But where do you think your dear baby is now?”

“In Heaven,” she replied. Every stricken mother is glad to believe that truth, however she may lack confidence in God’s love.

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“Do you suppose she is happy in
Heaven?”

“I don’t doubt she is.”

“Do you think it tends to make your dear baby happier, or gives her pain, to know that you are grieving that God has taken her to himself, and made her so happy because he loves her and loves you?”

At this question the young mother turned on her bed with a start, and, looking at me earnestly, said, “Do you suppose that my baby now knows anything about me and my feelings?”

“Why shouldn’t she?” I asked. “If she is in Heaven, with all the enlarged possibilities of that state, loved of God and loving God, why shouldn’t she have an interest in those whom God loves, and to whom she is bound by precious and spiritual ties?”

At once the relations of myself and the interested mother were on a different plane. She was glad to think and talk

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about her little one, and its possible condition in Heaven. The more we talked the more comfort the mother found in what she still had, in love and hope, with her darling in God’s presence. At the thought that her dear little girl was simply away from her for a season, having more of happiness and profit than would have been possible to her had she remained here, the temporary separation could not only be borne, but could be seen in a bright light.

When I left, the mother who had had no wish for my call asked me to come again and continue the conversation. God was seen in a new light when his love was made prominent even in the event that had seemed wholly dark before. I went to that home again and again, and the mother and the father of the little one in Heaven were glad to draw nearer to Him with whom their darling was forever in joy. Together they soon stood up in the same church fold and confessed the Saviour of their little our Bestres, ingteaD ot (3oD’0 Xove

one as their Saviour. How much difference it makes when we look at God’s providence in the light of his boundless love, instead of in the light of our poorly informed personal desires!

The mistake which that bereaved mother made in thinking of her baby daughter who had been taken from her when she longed to have her grow up in her earthly home, is made by many another person who prefers to look at every trying providence in the light of one’s personal wishes, instead of in the light of God’s boundless and all-seeing love. How common it is to want to have God consider us as the center around which the universe revolves, instead of our thinking of God as the center whose love and dealings we should look to as indicating our duty and privileges! Ourselves first, God as conforming to our wishes; that is the way we would have things.

A Christian woman, who was active and useful in Christ’s service, had a loved Mow to 2)eal with 5)oubt6

home where were a godly father and a saintly mother. The years passed on, and precious memories accumulated in that home. The present was so delightful, and the past was so sacred, that there seemed no place for thought of, or longings for, anything better, or even anything as good, yet to come. Continuance, not change, was desired. But in ripe old age father and mother passed out of that home into endless rest. The devoted daughter in maturity of years was called to a new life for which she had not made full preparation. She missed those to whose companionship she had been accustomed all her life long. This change was a shock to her that seemed to break her down, and to destroy her faith and her present enjoyment.

It mattered not in this case that the event was one which should have been looked for in the ordinary course of nature. Reason as well as faith is likely to be lost sight of by one who is inclined to complain

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of God and God’s dealings. Self was the center of thought in this case as in many another. No way of looking at it seemed to lessen the trial of one who would have God plan and perform for the personal ease and enjoyment of the complainer. Contentment was out of the question; even resignation or submission had no place in mind or heart. The stricken one ceased to pray. Intercourse seemed to be cut off with God, since he had ceased to shape his doings according to her personal longings. As I had long known this home and all its inmates, I earnestly sought to give sympathy and help in this time of need. But as I talked I found that the main thought then was of the home life interrupted, when God knew that the desire was to have it continued. Then I sought to turn the thought to the new happiness of the parents, taken from all the trials and toils of earth, and of our reason for thankfulness that they were such gainers, although we had some trials in con-Mow to Deal with Boubts

nection with this providence. Thus another phase of persistent doubting showed itself. This was suggestive.

“Do you doubt that your parents are happier now than they could be here?” I asked.

“No, I do not; but they would have remained here longer if the choice had been given them, and they knew it would make me unhappy to live without them.”

“If they look down on you now in your complaining spirit, do you suppose that they would be glad, or sorry, that you feel as you do?”

“I know they would be sorry.”

“Ought you to be willing to make them sorry? or ought you to do what you can to increase their joy?”

“They understand me well enough to know that I couldn’t feel otherwise.”

Seeing this persistent way of looking at the one side of the case, and knowing of the complaining, rebellious, and prayerless course of the mourner, I held up another thought to be considered.

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“If God were to take you from this life, wouldn’t you like to join your parents in God’s presence, and be with them evermore?”

“Of course I would.” “Are you in a state to do so now?” “I know they’d be glad to welcome me.” “Yes; but tkey do not open or close the doors of Heaven to any soul. That is God’s work. Are you not now opposing God, complaining of God, defying God? Why should God take you where your parents are, when you feel toward God as you say you do?”

That was a new thought to the complaining doubter. Thinking of it a few minutes she inquired:

“How can I feel differently?” “Admit that God has been doing the best he could do, even if he has done differently from what you would have preferred or advised. Remember that God has some rights as well as some power, and, if you cannot pray to him gratefully,

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at least go to him submissively, and tell him that you want to conform yourself to his known will, and to come into a state that will fit you to be like your parents as you knew them while they were here, and as he knows them where they now are.

“Such a course, you may be sure, would be approved by your parents, whom you say you do love, and by God, whom they love, and whom you ought to love more than you do. Any other course is antagonism to your father and mother, and to their and your God.”

After talking this view of the case over, it was admitted that it was a proper view. And when once the thoughts were turned from self as the center to God as the only true center, it was a simple matter to learn that light is better than darkness, love is better than discord, right is better than wrong; and that what we ought to do is better than what we are sometimes tempted to do.