January 1807 – January 1808

January 1,1807. — This year will determine whether Lydia shall be given to me or no: let the Lord order it, so that whatever the event be, it may be finally good for all souls! Received this day a truly Christian letter from Mr. II., and was greatly delighted by it, especially by an extract which he sent me, from the company’s charter, authorizing and even requiring me to teach the natives.

JAN. 2. Visited the place of the school, to see how the building was going on, and in my way met many of the Europeans taking their evening exercise. They seem to hate to

see me associating at all with the natives, and gave me

a hint a few days ago, about taking my exercise on foot. hut if our Lord had always travelled about in his palanquin, the poor woman, who was healed by touching the hem of his garment, might have perished. Happily I am freed from the shackles of custom; and the fear of man, though not extirpated, does not prevail. In the morning in prayer breathed fervently after a submissive spirit. Alas! when any measure of it is given to me, how seldom do I maintain it!

JAN. 11. (Sunday.) Preached on the parable of the fig-tree. Great attention: I think the word is not going forth in vain. Major Young called afterwards, and with the most affectionate kindness begged me to visit them more. In the afternoon, read at the hospital. The steward, who had been an old soldier twenty-four years in India, begged me to get some instruction for his sons. On inquiry, I found he had bren long stationed at Tanjore, and knew Swartz, Gericke,

&c.; that Mr. Kolhoff, Mr. Swartz’s nephew, kept the school; and that Swartz baptized the natives, not by immersion, but by sprinkling, and with godfathers; and read the services both in English and Tamul. Felt much delighted at heariflg anything about him. The man told me that the men at the hospital were very attentive, and thankful that I came amongst them. Passed the evening with great joy and peace, and in communion with God’s people all over the world.

JAN. 31. Heard of the sudden death of a man at the hospital, and in the evening buried him. Oh, what an awful thought, that one committed to my care should have died without a private warning from me! how surely would all my guilt plunge me into the same destruction with him, and particularly blood-guiltiness, were not I permitted to trust in the death of Jesus! May the Lord in great mercy help me to be more fervent, and diligent, and faithful, to every soul amongst them! In the evening, found my heart much drawn out in prayer for the English people here.

FEBRUARY 1. (Sunday.) Preached on Luke xi. 11-13. The congregation but small, on account of a cold wind; my own spirit tried by a disposition to levity, while ministering in the service of God, in reading, and prayer. Afterwards I found my soul more solemnized. Went to the barracks, where the theatres are preparing, to see if the men were at work again, and found them. After reasoning a little with them on their wickedness, I put them to flight. In the evening, went to Colonel W., to desire his orders against such proceedings. I hoped also to be able to have some conversation with him on religion, as it was the Sabbath, but my attempts were repeatedly foiled. He said that he kept his religion to himself. Found access to the throne of grace at night, and prayed against discouragement. The Lord will open a way before me, whenever he sees it necessary. I was much rejoiced at

Colonel W.’s approval of my idea of having the service in Hindoostanee.

FEBRUARY 9, 1807.
MY DEAR SIR,

I am glad of the opportunity of asking you how you do. Really, Calcutta seems as far from me as England; and yet I suppose you cannot spare time to write to me oftener. If there were any one else in Calcutta to whom I could give commissions, I should not trouble you; but the cause of my present request is an urgent case; I tell the men to read their Bibles, and they tell me they have no Bibles to read. Be so good as to purchase for me a few, and any other re ligious books: for I rejoice to see that they are wanted here. The ruling powers are kindly affected towards me still, except the general, who grows daily more and more cold — chiefly, I have reason to believe, on account of what I have said about the natives. However, through grace, I am enabled to smile at contempt and opposition; and I feel determined, the more I am opposed, the more vigorously to go forward. My school-room is finished, and school-masters applying from all quarters for the other schools I am expected to institute. If my pundit does not deceive me, which is very probable, it is the general opinion that the gospel will soon spread over the country. This opinion, whether founded, as they say, on their own prophetical books, or not, may be a great means towards its actual fulfilment.

The married families whom, in compliance with their wish, I have visited, are now inviting me round; perhaps also I shall think it expedient to pay the same compliment to the families at Bankipore, as they have expressed a wish for it. Love to you all.

Yours affectionately, ever,

H. MARTYN.

To THK REV. D. BROWN, CALCUTTA.

FEB. 15. (Sunday.) Preached on Mark viii. 35, 36. The attention of the soldiers much roused, but it is a subject that has never given me much pleasure or comfort. Strove to remain afterwards steadily in communion with Christ, and was solemn in my feelings, but felt a sluggishness in duty. At night, went to Colonel W. about a letter, and was detained a long time. I hoped to have talked about religion to him, but alas! I was forced by his conversation to speak about worldly things, to a degree that brought great guilt on my conscience. How can I preach to them about the sanctification of the Sabbath, when I have been thus myself speaking my own words, and thinking my own thoughts? Oh hide not thy face from thy miserable creature, 0 Lord! but restore unto me the joy of thy salvation!

FEB. 22. (Sunday.) Preached on John iv. 10. Was told at night by Major and Mrs. Y. that the congregation were much pleased. But I told them I was not pleased at hearing it: alas! I trust that I shall be enabled so to preach, as that their hearts may be pricked, or it is better 1 had never preached.

FEB. 25. Major Y. told me, that all the people at Bankipore wanted to have me with them; and so does the Devil too; but I trust in my God that they are widely mistaken, if they think that they ever will. I fear that this liking to my company is another proof of my unfaithfulness in private; may I be taught by all these things to be duly faithful, and instant out of season!

FEB. 27. Wrote to Mr. Brown, and felt my heart some what enlarged in love towards my brethren in the ministry, and the beloved saints, amongst whom I am not worthy to be numbered. In the evening, dined at the general’s with a party of officers. I felt afterwards that I do not make it sufficiently a matter of duty to employ my talent in company for I think I possess sufficient versatility and influence to direc* the conversation to something more useful than it is commonly upon.

FEB. 28. I read the epistles to the infant churches with much interest and desire. Oh, if it would please God to make bare his arm in this country, as aforetime in Greece and Rome, and plant some churches through the land! The out ward work of making them change their profession, I do not think very difficult; but to make the heart of a native of India sincere, and disposed to act with Christian generosity and magnanimity, is the work of God indeed. Oh, may I wait upon the Lord for his direction at all times, have an increase of faith and hope, a heart more disposed to labor and love, and a mind more given to prayer! So if I do not see the gospel garden planted in this wilderness, I shall still have a paradise in my soul. At night, enjoyed a very sweet solemnity of soul. I felt but an anxiety, lest sin should come in and interrupt my peace.

MARCH 1. (Sunday.) Preached on Gen. vi. 22, but through all the service 1 was in a conflict from a return of my disposition to levity. My soul was overwhelmed with the sense of the horrid profaneness and guilt of this, and I was disposed to ask, why is not this thorn in the flesh taken from me? but alas! had I a true spirit of penitence at the time, I could never be tempted to this sin. In the morning, the appointed hour for prayer for one another was a solemnizing season, and I found its effect all the day. In the afternoon, at the hospital as usual, and in the evening my heart was blest with the refreshing presence of my God.

MARCH 2. Struggling all day with evil temper and discontent, arising partly from bodily indisposition, but chiefly from the detection of a fraud in my moonshee.

DINAPOKE, March 10.
DEAR BROTHER,

My tongue is parched, and my hand trembles, from the violent onsets I have had this day with moonshee and pundit; and now I hope to find some relief in communion with one, who does not deny the Lord who bought us. Ever since declaring the way by Christ, the serpent has thrown off the mask, not being able to conceal his hatred of the adorable name. Moonshee’s contemptuous rejection of the truth has a tendency to dispirit me in this way. I reflect, that I shall never have the power of explaining so fully and so variously divine truths to any one, as I have to this man. News have also been brought to me that the school at Patna was at first filled with thirty or forty children, when the alarm spread, that Sahib was going to make them all Christians, and there are now only six or seven left. The school master went round to the parents, and very sensibly said to them, “Has he made me a Christian? when I am become one, then do you begin to fear;” and so the master now says, (fearing, I suppose, I should give up the concern,) that in a month or two after the approaching festivals of the Hindoos and mahomedans, the school will begin to fill again. The same fear kept back the children from the school at Dinapore, till the pundit assured them there was no fear, and so brought eleven or twelve more. But observe, brother, how early Satan has begun to show his opposition! 0 wicked Spirit, Jesus has bruised thy head, and shall bruise thee under our feet shortly! Oh let us triumph in the victories of our exalted Lord!

I have just received intelligence, that similar troubles have broken out in Bankipore. The Zemindar who had engaged to let me have a place for a school has withdrawn his assent, from a fear that I am going to make them Christians. How shall I advise you to proceed, my dear brother — the Lord direct us!

The Rev. D. CORRIE.

MARCH 23, 1807.
MY DEAR SIR,

It is with no small delight that I find the day arrived for my writing to my very dear brother. Many thanks for your two letters, and for all the consolation contained in them, and many thanks to our Lord and Saviour, who has given me such a help, where I once expected to struggle on alone all my days.

A few days ago I went to Bankipore to fulfil my promise of visiting the families there; and amongst the rest called on

—, a poor creature, whose black wife has made him apostatize to Mahomedanism, and build a mosque. Major

went with me, and the old man’s son-in-law was there. He would not address a single word to me, nor a salutation at parting, because I found an occasion to remind him that the Son of God had suffered in the stead of sinners. The same day I went on to Patna to see how matters stood with respect to the school. Its situation is highly favorable, near an old gate now in the midst of the city, and where three ways meet; neither master nor children were there. The people immediately gathered round me in great numbers, and the crowd thickened so fast, that it was with difficulty I could regain my palanquin. My schools have been heard of among the English sooner than I wished or expected. The General observed to me one morning, that that school of mine made a very good appearance from the road; “but,” said he, “you will make no proselytes.” If that be all the opposition he makes, I shall not much mind. The Sunday before last I gained a point, which I trust may prove highly useful. I had translated the church service, and signified to Colonel

that I was ready to minister in the country language

to the native women belonging to his soldiers of the European regiment, which he approved, but told me that it was my business to find them an order, and not his. So I issued my command to the sergeant-major to give public notice in the barrack, that there would be divine service in the native language on the morrow. The morrow came, and the Lord sent 200 women, to whom I read the whole of the morning ser vice. Instead of the lessons, I began Matthew, and ventured to expound a little, and but a little. Yesterday we had a service again, but I think there were not more than 100. To these I opened my mouth rather boldly; and though there was the appearance of lamentable apathy in the countenances of most of them, there were two or three, who understood and trembled at the sermon of John the Baptist. This proceeding of mine is, I believe, generally approved among the English; but the women come, I fear, rather because it is the wish of their masters. The day after attending service, they went in flocks to the Mohurrun, and even of those who are baptized, many, I am told, are so addicted to their old heathenism, that they obtain money from their husbands to give to the Brahmins. Our time of divine service in English is seven in the morning, and in Hindoostanee two in the afternoon. Very few officers attend in the morning. Our Sunday and Wednesday evening society now consists of a private, a corporal, a sergeant, and one of the young merchants, who attends to help in singing. He acts as clerk in the church, and yesterday gave us a Psalm. Being one of Mr. Burney’s scholars, he has a regard for religion. Moonshee has just read his ten commandments, and has, I find, altered several words, and made the whole more fine than as I read it at the church. Why did you translate from the Septuagint? It is not in general nearly so close to the original as the English. To the Rev. D. CORRIE.

APRIL 3. Received a letter from dear Corrie, and felt some apprehensions about his health. Had many sweet reflections on the day, when we shall tune our harps together in the kingdom of God.

APRIL 4. Much depressed in spirits, at observing the effect of the heat upon me. I thought it impossible I could ever subsist long in such a climate, and my intended journey seems out of my power. Had many solemn and sweet reflections on the probability of my dear brother Corrie* and myself being soon called to leave our earthly warfare. Adored be our Lord, the prosperity of his church does not depend on our presence. Though we be cut off in the midst of our plans, it shall be at the fittest moment in the plans of God.

APRIL 9. Had occasion to mourn at the unsanctified spirit I manifested with pundit and moonshee. May God give unto me true repentance, and make me to reflect on the danger and everlasting ruin of which benighted souls are in danger, and not to trifle with them on such awful matters!

APRIL 15. At night dined with a large party at Mrs. H.’s. I came away grieved at not having shown and felt more displeasure at their vain way of spending time. After a conversation with, a sense of the cares attending the education of children made me greatly fear marriage. But I would not make it a subject of prayer, in any other way than that the Lord would not change his mercv, as his fickle

O J”

creature changes, but appoint me one state or other, according as I may most glorify him.

APRIL 28. My soul, to-day as well as yesterday, experienced somewhat of that walk in Christ, of which my late meditations have led me to think. Oh, the divine peace, and tranquillity, of steadfastly striving to keep in the sight of God, and depend on the strength of Christ! At night had a very profitable conversation with Major and Mrs. Y., on the corruption of human nature.

APRIL 29. In my walk had much of the divine presence, and felt desirous of being wholly engaged in the most spirit ual and difficult duties; only one man came at night, and that was B.; and he was so disgusted at the contempt and opposition of the other soldiers, who, by bringing him infidel books, suggesting doubts, and asking questions, had been endeavoring to turn him away, that I felt quite uneasy for him, especially as after reading and prayer with him, lie seemed but little restored. Oh the danger of souls in this world! and wh«it can I do for them? Lord, keep him, for thou only art able! Yet I cannot but reflect on myself, for any defect among my people. Oh had I been more spiritual and faith ful, there would not have been so much sin amongst them. Called on Colonel W. this evening, and brought anguish on my soul, when I came to reflect on the levity of my conversation.

DINAPORE, May 4, 1807.
DEAR BROTHER,

You have received, I hope, my letter, accompanying the two great parcels of Dr. B.’s correspondence. Your surmise about the apparent necessity of our continuing in this world, in order to the diffusion of divine knowledge here, has some times been mine. It is useful to be reminded of our insignificancy. The Lord is not beholden to us for what we do; but in his good pleasure appoints us to this work, out of numberless other instruments no’ less worthy; and if we are cut off in the midst of our plans, his great scheme is not in the least degree disordered. Every blessing attend my dear brother.

H. M.
To the Rev. D. CORRIE.

MAY 17. (Sunday.) Service at six o’clock, preached on 2 Cor. v. 20. Congregation small; afterwards breakfasted with the Y.’s, and the conversation right. Yesterday and to-day the words, “Blessed are the pure in heart, for they shall see God,” were a rule to me, and my soul benefited. It is the impurity of my heart that hides the face of my God from me. To-day I have enjoyed more life and freedom in prayer and public duties. Jn the afternoon, the congregation of women was large, and I felt a tender desire to speak unto them the glad tidings of salvation, but want of language produces such a repetition of the same words as is very tedious. At the hospital, speaking from Pilgrim’s Progress, was also enlarged. Throughout the day, greatly encouraged to hope, especially in private prayer, that the Lord would raise up a godly seed in these parts. Alas! why should he not? but oh, may it begin by an extraordinary spirit of grace and supplication in me and his ministers.

MAY 18, 1807.

I think it will be better for us to write to one another every Monday, instead of every other Monday. A fortnight’s interval is really too long for me. Long before the day of receiving and writing comes, I am impatient, so it is my intention to write you next Monday. In the ordinary course of things, you will have to wait some months at least, before any of the poor men declare themselves for God. I feel anxious for your health at this time, and shall so till the rains. Through great mercy my health and strength are supported as by a daily miracle. But 0 the heat! By every device of darkness and tatties I cannot keep the thermometer below 92°, and at night in bed, I seem in danger of suffocation. Let me know somewhat more particularly what the heat is, and how you contrive to bear it. The worst bad effect I experience is the utter loss of appetite. I dread the eating time, and when I succeed in swallowing anything nourishing, I rejoice it is over. You will feel the solitude of your situation very distressing, especially as you have been always accustomed to a domestic life. A long residence in college has rather prepared me for it; but what a privilege it is that in this dry and thirsty land, where no water is, we have a fountain of living water opened, which is sealed to the world! I am, however, peculiarly blest here in my society. For the s, though they know little, are seeking

to know more. They have a great wish for my company and conversation on religion, and read the books I give them; so that I am with them almost every day; yet they fear to break decidedly with the world. I have many fears for them both. At the General’s, our two characters and proceedings were fully discussed, to your praise, and my censure.

Captain, who met with you at Ghazipore, describes you

as a cheerful, agreeable man, and yet a decorous clergyman; and he said, that he would not for the world have offended you. It was observed, that it would be better, if I mixed agreeably in the same way with them, though some remarked that I should only be a stern monitor. Those who knew me, (among them the General,) denied this with great warmth. So by way of imitating your good example, I took an early occasion of calling on multitudes of others, whom I had be fore neglected. A Lieutenant has been a little excited

to employ himself properly, and comes to me for mathematical instruction. He is very clever, and says that he has been of a serious turn from his infancy, but does not show any good marks of it. Yesterday was in general a happy season to me. In every ministration my heart was enlarged. The Hindoostanee congregation was considerable, but I was distressed for want of words, while trying to speak a little on “I came not to call the righteous, but sinners to repentance.” The unceasing repetition of the same words will, I fear, prove fatiguing to them. One of the women had been heard in the week before making very light of the service. She said that the Roman Padre used ’ to cross himself, and do many

IT other fine things, but all my service was story-telling. This instance of contempt proved somewhat of a trial to me, as I feared they would all forsake me; their numbers and attention yesterday were an answer to my prayers. Difficulties respecting the schools have also been a trial to my spirits. Some orders I had given for schools at other places I was obliged to recall, till these are pretty firmly established. The more Satan tries to baffle us, the more closely may we cleave unto the Lord for wisdom and strength. No opposition from without disconcerts me; for sooner or later the world must yield to the great Messiah. But when my expectations are strong, that even in our life-time we shall see many a Christian church emerging from this darkness, I am damped at not finding that Holy Spirit of grace and supplication poured out on me (one of the supposed instruments) which is the general forerunner of a work of grace. However, let us not despair even of this. If the Lord has a work to perform, all the intermediate steps are easy to him. My reading has lately been Persian, Forster’s travels over-land to England, and Leland’s view of Deistical writers. To the llev. D. COKRIE.

MAY 24. (Sunday.) Preached this morning at six o’clock, on John iii. 3. Breakfasted at Major Y.’s. As there was another person there, the conversation was not religious; but my heart smote me afterwards, when I remembered my shameful inconsistencies, unfaithfulness, and fully. The Lord open my eyes, to see the danger of souls, and my own danger, if I so trifle with them! The morning passed more profitably and comfortably afterwards, in reading and prayer. Went to native congregation with much fear, that I should not be able to say anything to engage their attention; but the Lord was better to me than my fears, and assisted me to speak very freely and copiously on Matt. x. Found fifty sick at the hospital, who heard the Pilgrim’s Progress with great delight. Some men came to-night, but my prayer with them was exceedingly poor and lifeless. Afterwards sat

with the Y s, and endeavored to show Mrs. Y., who

seemed cast down with fears for her salvation, the all-sufficiency of Jesus. The discovering by her conversation some of the signs of a true work of grace, endeared her exceedingly to my heart.

MAY 26. Received letters from Mr. Brown and Marshman, which greatly refreshed and delighted me. A Portuguese and a Hindoo woman, to whom he wished to be married, came to persuade me to baptize her; but after a long conversation with him and his friends, I positively refused, till I saw proofs of repentance and faith. Though we perfectly understood one another’s language, I could not make them comprehend what further was necessary to be a Christian, than being able to say the Lord’s prayer, and salam to Mary. They all went away in great distress, and I felt much for them; but I trust the Lord will not suffer me to listen to my own feelings, so as to profane his holy ordinance.

MAY 29. In my walk, thought much of the persecutions we shall probably be called to endure, but felt sweetly composed in my dear Lord. For myself I find at present no fear, but that when the trying time comes I shall receive according to my day; and for the church, I glory in the opposition of men to it, for the word of Christ is fulfilled, and he will be glorified in establishing his kingdom in spite of Satan. A gentleman at Bankipore, who had sent me a native Christian, informed me that he had picked him up at a ghaut, from which the people were driving him, for defiling, by his presence, the sacred waters of the Ganges, calling him Hucal Ahor. The poor lad was making his way to Lucknow, but no boat would take him; I supplied him with enough to bring him to Chunar, with directions to Corrie to help him onward.

JUNE ] 7. Began a letter to dear Emma, though with a blow heart. England seems to have vanished. Translated from Genesis and Romans; at night four men came, and we had a happy season. Bless the Lord, 0 my soul, for this rising church! Oh if I may but see some poor native brethren! in hopes of this, the epistle appears doubly delightful to me.

JUNE 18-23. On the Sunday, 21st, preached on John iii. 1C, and in the afternoon with the Hindoos had some enlargement; at night six soldiers came, one new one, a foreigner; occasional visits and profitable conversation with Mrs. Y.: my chief trials have been in general from evil thoughts, but when most severely tried, I have been kept most visibly from falling, by divine restoration; but what a sink of sin is this heart! what incessant and continually recurring iniquity! Mourn, my soul, over these things; they hide the face of God from thee; oh let me be pure in heart.

JUNE 26. “As a vesture shalt thou fold them up, and they shall be changed, but thou art the same.” Jesus ever the same, when nature lies in ruins, and every creature is gone; oh, let him be my portion! All time employed in translating; “Hide not thy face from me, lest I be like those that go down to the pit;” “there is a fountain opened for sin and unclcanness,” and into that I plunge. Oh, may I receive the Spirit of God, “that if I live in the Spirit, I may also walk in the Spirit!” B. came at night, and gave such evident signs of grace and activity in duty, that my sinful soul was much revived. He seems endued with singular wisdom to win others, and is constantly engaged in its proceedings, as he says upon the principle of these words, “he that gathereth not with me, scattereth.”

JUNE 27. At night B. came, full of joy, to say that God had heard my prayer for him last night, for he had been much blessed with the presence of God all day, and had prevailed on two others to join us. In prayer at night, felt constrained to cry in earnest against my levity, self-complacency, and want of impression concerning the importance of the ministry.

JULY 3. Received two Europe letters, one from Lydia, and the other from Colonel Sandys. The tender emotions of love, and gratitude, and veneration for her, were again powerfully awakened in my mind, so that I could with difficulty think of anything else, yet I found myself drawn nearer to God by the pious remarks of her letter. Nature would have desired more testimonies of her love to me, but grace approved her ardent love to her Lord.

JULY 8. Went to Bankipore to baptize a child of - One of the ladies played some hymn tunes on my account. If I were provided with proper books, much good might be done by these visits, for I meet with general acceptance and deference. In the evening, buried a man, who had died in the hospital after a short illness. My conscience felt again a conviction of guilt, at considering how many precious hours I waste on trifles, and how cold and lukewarm my spirit is when addressing souls; and now another is gone in his sins, — gone to bear testimony perhaps against the unfaithfulness of his minister. My soul remained through the evening in a state of awful seriousness; and at night, with the soldiers in prayer, I found a sweet and solemn pleasure in dwelling upon our” mortality. Wishing to have some conversation with the

Y s, I went there; but finding Major C. there, and the

conversation trifling, I retired immediately; to speak or hear anything about the world’s affairs appeared exceedingly painful.

JULY 19. (Sunday.) At the afternoon church one of the women, who is usually deeply attentive, shed tears on hearing that God writes down in a book all the evil acts and thoughts and words of men. The congregation small, but I was assisted much with them; the young man at the hospital, and another there, of whom I had hopes, showed their hearts untouched, and seemed even quite contemptuous. Among the soldiers at night, there was a new one lately come from Cuttack; I felt very solemn in prayer, and deliberate. At night, with Major Y., my conversation, I fear, was more than

they could bear. I told that she would never enjoy

peace of mind till she let the world go; and spoke in full about plays, cards, balls, &c. She observed that religious people made religion terrible by debarring persons from amusements, and some time after retired in tears. Alas! how hard is it for a rich man to enter into the kingdom of heaven! And how cruel a disappointment to my hopes! What a cutting off of right hands and plucking out of right eyes is true religion! notwithstanding that people in these days must have the bitter draught made more palatable; but the true gospel is still the same. Oh that God would send into her heart a right sense of her lost estate! she would then see it to be a very small sacrifice to part with a few paltry amusements.

JULY 30. Received letters from Europe, from Lydia, sister S., Simeon, Cecil, and Hensman. The contents so engaged me, as I went in my palanquin to Patna, and at Mr. Gladwin’s, that I could think of nothing else, and so came away immediately. Still kept in ignorance about the Lord’s purposes respecting Lydia, and likely to remain so some time, such is his blessed will; but my sister’s letters* made my heart bleed, and proved a more severe affliction than I have experienced since being in India. Nothing but the assurance that it is the Lord, and that infinite wisdom appoints that I shall suffer this too, keeps me from deep dejection.

JULY 31. Called on some of the people and officers; but

* These letters informed him of the approaching death of his eldest sister.

my heart was so pressed, and, as it were, choked with the remembrance of my sister, my dear, dear sister; every hour do I commend her to God; oh hear my prayer!

AUG. 2. (Sunday.) Preached on Ezekiel xxxiii. 11. Two of the lieutenants, with whom I had a long and solemn conversation last night, came, and I hope found a word in season. AUG. 3, 4. While thinking of writing to my dear sister, my heart felt ready to burst with grief; I shed many tears at the remembrance of her, and interceded for her many times with

God. The Y s give me more encouragement to hope

that they are forsaking the vanities of the world.

AUG. 16. (Sunday.) In the morning preached on Rom. iii. 20. In the afternoon with the Hindoostanee congregation; the people seemed affected at some parts. Returned to my quarters, and found letters from Sally, bringing the intelligence of my elder sister’s death!

AUG. 17. Continued in bitter distress; it still appears like a dream to me that she is really gone.

AUG. 18. More composed than yesterday, and returned to my work, but heart-breaking recollections come across me at intervals — my soul finding its only consolation in seeking and endeavoring to maintain a spirit of submission to the blessed God.

AUG. 26. Morning and evening, visiting one of my men, a sergeant, who is in some danger; read and conversed with him, but did not find undoubted evidence of his being under real conviction. Studies, as usual; the men came at night. Was constrained afterwards to mourn, that I do not enjoy either private or social prayer. Among other causes of this decline, I fear that I walk according to my carnal wisdom, striving to excite seriousness by natural considerations, such as the thoughts of death and judgment, instead of bringing my soul to Christ to be sanctified by his Spirit. In secret prayer at night, I cast myself, as ignorant and helpless, on the wisdom and mercy of the Lord, that he might sanctify me in his own way, and prayed for real spirituality, that I might both live by the Spirit, and walk in the Spirit; I felt some revival. Oh may 1 henceforth know Christ no more after the flesh! let all old thoughts and customs die away, and all things become new. Let me live contrary to, and above my own spirit; that is, let Christ live in me, and bring into captivity every thought that exalteth itself against the knowledge of God.

SEPTJ, 7. Thinking with peculiar fondness of my dearest Lydia, though with some unhappiness, lest we should never meet again on earth. Yet our gracious Father will order it for the best for both of us.

SEPT. 12. To-night, after a visit to the hospital, felt my soul solemnly affected at the sin and neglect of God so awfully reigning among those poor people committed to my charge. I found great solemnity and freedom in prayer, that God would show his mighty power in converting some of them, though by the instrumentality of so weak a worm. Oh let me sow in tears; let me go forth, bearing precious seed, and I shall doubtless come again with joy. I feel cautious how I ought to apply these words of 2 Cor. ii. to myself, to whom much of their continuance in sin should be attributed; yet I often do find a melancholy comfort in them. “We are a sweet savor of Christ in them that perish.”

SEPT. 16. Heard of Colonel W ’s death. How hard

is my wicked heart, that I do not feel more awfully affected at this event! One committed to my charge, one with whom I used to converse familiarly, gone to give up his account to Perhaps he has thought, before now, oh, had my minister been more faithful, had he, instead of talking so freely on trifling and literary subjects, been instant, though out of season! Oh my God, let me live preparing for my own departure, and striving to save some poor souls around me. At night some men came; I felt convinced how greatly I had neglected the blessed God, “Thou hast not called upon me, O Jacob; thou hast been weary of me, 0 Israel.” These words occurred to me with shame and grief; oh that I should be so stupid and wicked, as not to live for ever in the sight and love of that adorable being, who is in himself so lovely, and daily loadeth me with benefits; now henceforth may I know nothing but this God of love.

SEPT. 18. Lived- with more watchfulness and perseveranoe in prayer, and found my soul more serious and serene. How amazing, how unaccountable, that I should be such an enemy to myself, by living far from God! Began the first Epistle to Corinthians. Enjoyed in the evening many refreshing and triumphant thoughts, from meditating on the resurrection of the Lord. While the shafts of death fly so quick all around, how does this glorious truth hold out a refuge from melancholy and fear!

DINAPOEE, Sept. 18, 1807.
MY DEAR SIR,

I hasten to reply to two of your letters. For the consolation contained in the first, I feel grateful to your kindness. The second, I am almost disposed to call the first angry letter I have received from you. However, I know it is only your love and zeal, that make you grieve at my not standingforward to help your beloved church. You ascribe it to the agency of Satan. Let us hope, my dearest sir, that we shall live to see it fall out rather unto the furtherance of the gos pel. I have now no choice left as you tell me; and there fore it is perhaps superfluous to state again my reasons of dissent from your and Dr. B.’s opinions; yet I must write them down. 1st. The evangelization of India is a more important object than preaching to the European inhabitants of Calcutta. 2nd. Therefore he that is qualified for the first object, in any degree, by his youth and inclination for the work, should give himself to it, as he may hope that he has a divine call. But 3rd. The two objects cannot be combined in such a place as Calcutta. One consequence of my joining you would be, that we should get no one from England; for they would say, Calcutta is very well supplied. Mr. Brown and Martyn are there. No, let them hear, if it must be so, that Calcutta is destitute of the gospel. Corrie and myself cfan always plead, that we are engaged about a more important object; and then it will rest with the consciences of the ministers at home, young and old, whether they ought not to leave a small parish for the benefit of a great city. I am now supposing you actually gone; but blessed be God we have you still, and therefore I suffer no uneasiness.

My dear sir, it is our privilege to live without carefulness; especially may we be assured that the care of the churches is with Him, who has the government upon his shoulder. May he graciously direct all our ways! If Dr. B. is not yet gone, assure him of my affectionate wishes for his safety and happiness.

I am, dearest sir,

Yours, with unfeigned regard,

II. MARTYN.
To the Rev. D. BROWN, CALCUTTA.

SEPT. 24. What my soul longeth for and at some moments expects, is a peculiar sobriety, and inward fervor in the hearts of the ministers and missionaries here. My cowardly spirit shrinks not from ill usage of the body, but from the contempt attending my inability to continue in any one place, for any length of time, preaching the kingdom of God. Yet come what will, I trust that I shall ere long do it at Patna!

OCTOBER 21. Translating all day; in the evening had a happy and refreshing season with the men. How often, when I have had no power in secret prayer, has the Lord proved himself to be in the midst of two or three gathered together in his name! Afterwards having occasion to call at

the ’s, I spent an hour in conversation with - - on

conformity to the world. I spoke to her more freely than I ever did before to an individual; but I fear her heart is not rightly affected with respect to many other points of infinite importance.

OCT. 24. An unhappy day; received at last a letter from Lydia, in which she refuses to come, because her mother will not consent to it. Grief and disappointment threw my soul into confusion at first; but gradually, as my disorder subsided, my eyes were opened, and reason resumed its office. I could not but agree with her, that it would not be for the glory of God, nor could we expect his blessing, if she acted in disobedience to her mother. As she has said, “They that walk in crooked paths, shall not find peace;” and if she were to come with an uneasy conscience, what happiness could we either of us expect?

DINAPORE, Oct. 24, 1807.
MY DEAR LYDIA,

Though my heart is bursting with grief and disappointment, I write not to blame you. The rectitude of all your conduct secures you from censure. Permit me calmly to reply to your letter of March 5, which I have this day received.

You condemn yourself for having given me, though unintentionally, encouragement to believe that my attachment was returned. Perhaps you have. I have read your former letters with feelings less sanguine since the receipt of the last, and I am still not surprised at the interpretation I put upon them. But why accuse yourself for having written in this strain? It has not increased my expectations, nor consequently embittered my disappointment. When I .addressed you in my first letter on the subject, I was not induced to it by any appearances of regard you had expressed, neither at any subsequent period have my hopes of your consent been founded on a belief of your attachment to me. I knew that your conduct would be regulated, not by personal feelings, but by a sense of duty. And therefore you have nothing to blame yourself for on this head.

In your last letter you do not assign, among your reasons for refusal, a want of regard to me. In that case I could not in decency give you any further trouble. On the contrary, you say that “present circumstances seem to you to forbid my indulging expectations.” As this leaves an opening, I presume to address you again; and till the answer arrives, must undergo another eighteen months of torturing suspense. Alas! my rebellious heart — what a tempest agitates me! I knew not that I had made so little progress in a spirit of resignation to the Divine will. I am in my chastisement, like the bullock unaccustomed to the yoke, like a wild bull in a net, full of the fury of the Lord, the rebuke of my God. The death of my late most beloved sister almost broke rny heart; but I hoped it had softened me, and made me willing to suffer. But now my heart is as though destitute of the grace of God, full of misanthropic disgust with the world, and sometimes feeling resentment against yourself and Emma, and Mr. Simeon, and in short all whom I love and honor most. Sometimes in pride and anger resolving to write neither to you, nor to any one else again. These are the motions of sin. My love and my better reason draw me to you again. *

But now with respect to your mother, I confess that the chief and indeed only difficulty lies here. Considering that she is your mother, as I hoped she would be mine, and that her happiness so much depends on you; considering also that I am God’s minister, which amidst all the tumults of my soul I dare not forget, I faulter in beginning to give advice, which may prove contrary to the law of God. God forbid, therefore, that I should say, disobey your parents, where the divine law does not command you to disobey them; neither do I positively take upon myself to say, that this is a case, in which the law of God requires you to act in contradiction to them. I would rather suggest to your mother some considerations, which justify me in attempting to deprive her of the company of a beloved child.

OCT. 26. A sabbath having intervened since the above was written, I find myself more tranquillized by the sacred exercises of the day. One passage of Scripture which you quote has been much on my mind, and I find it very appropriate and decisive, — that we are not to “make to ourselves crooked paths, which whoso walketh in shall not know peace.” Let me say, I must be therefore contented to wait, till you feel that the way is clear. But I intended to justify myself to Mrs. Grenfell. Let her not suppose, that I would make her or any other of my fellow-creatures miserable, that I might be happy. If there were no reason for your coming here, and the contest were only between Mrs. Grenfell and me, that is, between her happiness and mine, I would urge nothing further, but resign you to her. But I have considered, that there are many things, that might reconcile her to a separation from you (if, indeed, a separation is necessary, for if she would come along with you I should rejoice the more). First, she does not depend on you alone for the comfort of her declining years. She is surrounded by friends. She has a greater numbers of sons and daughters honorably established in the world, than falls to the lot of most parents — all of whom would be happy in having her amongst them. Again, if a person worthy of your hand, and settled in England, were to offer himself, Mrs. G. would not have insuperable objections, though it did deprive her of her daughter. Nay, I sometimes think, perhaps arrogantly, that had I my self remained in England, and in possession of a competency, she would not have withheld her consent. Why then should my banishment from my native country in the service of mankind, be a reason with any for inflicting an additional wound, far more painful than a separation from my dearest relatives?

I have no claim upon Mrs. G. in any way, but let her only conceive a son of her own in my circumstances. If she feels it a sacrifice, let her remember, that it is a sacrifice made to duty; that your presence here would be of essential ser vice to the church of God, it is superfluous to attempt to prove. If you really believe of yourself as you speak, it is because you were never out of England.

Your mother cannot be so misinformed respecting India, and the voyage to it, as to be apprehensive on account of the climate or passage, in these days when multitudes of ladies every year, with constitutions as delicate as yours, go to and fro in perfect safety, and a vastly greater majority enjoy their health here than in England. With respect to my means, I need add nothing to what was said in my first letter. But alas! what is my affluence good for now? It never gave me pleasure, but when I thought you were to share it with me. Two days ago I was hastening on the alterations in my house and garden, supposing you were at hand; but now every object excites disgust. My wish upon the whole is, that if you perceive it would be your duty to come to India, were it not for your mother, — and of that you cannot doubt, — supposing I mean that your inclinations are indifferent, then you should make her acquainted with your thoughts, and let us leave it to God, how he will determine her mind.

In the meantime, since I am forbidden to hope for the immediate pleasure of seeing you, my next request is for a mutual engagement. My own heart is engaged, I believe indissolubly.

My reason for making a request which you will account bold, is, that there can then be no possible objection to our correspondence, especially as I promise not to persuade you to leave your mother.

In the midst of my present sorrow I am constrained to remember yours. Your compassionate heart is pained from having been the cause of suffering to me. But care not for me, dearest Lydia. Next to the bliss of having you with me, my happiness is to know that you are happy. I shall have to groan long perhaps with a heavy heart; but if I am not hindered materially by it in the work of God, it will be for the benefit of my soul. You, sister beloved in the Lord, know much of the benefit of affliction. 0 may I have grace to follow you, though at a humble distance, in the path of patient suffering, in which you have walked so long! Day and night I cease not to pray for you, though I fear my prayers are of little value.

But as an encouragement to you to pray, I cannot help transcribing a few words from my journal, written at the time you wrote your letter to me. (7th March.) “As on the two last days (you wrote your letter on the 5th) felt no desire for a comfortable settlement in the world, scarcely pleasure at the thought of Lydia’s coming, except so far as her being sent might be for the good of my soul and assistance in my work.” How manifestly is there an omnipresent, all-seeing God! and how sure we may be that prayers for spiritual blessings are heard by our God and Father! 0 let that endearing name quell every murmur. When I am sent for to different parts of the country to officiate at marriages, I sometimes think, amidst the festivity of the company, Why does all go so easily with them, and so hardly with me?

They come together without difficulty, and I am balked and disconcerted almost every step I take, and condemned to wear away the time in uncertainty. Then I call to mind that to live without chastening is allowed to the spurious offspring, while to suffer is the privilege of the children of God.

Dearest Lydia! must I conclude? I could prolong my communion with you through many sheets; how many things have I to say to you, which I hoped to have communicated in person. But the more I write, and the more I think of you, the more my affection warms, and I should feel it difficult to keep my pen from expressions, that might not be acceptable to you.

Farewell! dearest, most beloved Lydia, remember your faithful and ever affectionate,

H. MARTYN

DLNAFORE, Oct. 26, 1807.
Mr DEAR SIR,

I have received your two letters of the 14th and 17th; the last contained a letter from Lydia. It is as I feared. She refuses to come, because her mother will not give her consent. Sir, you must not wonder at my pale looks, when I receive so many hard blows on my heart. Yet a Father’s love appoints the trial, and I pray that it may have its intended effect. The effect of mental disorder on my bodily frame is unfortunate; trouble brings on disease, and disorders the sleep. In this way I am laboring a little now, but not much; in a few days it will pass away again. He that hath delivered, and doth deliver, is He, in whom we trust, that he will yet deliver.

To the Rev. D. BROWN, Calcutta.

OCT. 29 — 31. My soul in general solemnly affected in prayer, though not at other times; affections much more weaned and separated from worldly things: I feel resigned to see Lydia no more; had frequently sweet and happy ex perience of those words, “the glorious liberty of the children of God.” Who or what is there I need care for, while my business is so entirely with God?

Nov. 3. Tried by a variety of outbreakings of innate corruption, evil temper, irritability, deadness of affection in spiritual things, sinful anger against the Mahomedans, for the contempt they show the word of God; whereas I only ought to grieve and be astonished, that they are so blind, “The God of this world hath blinded the eyes of them that believe not,” &c., but the many suitable admonitions I received from the blessed word, as I was translating it, were a blessing and strength.

Nov. 13. Have had more spiritual enjoyment than of late. God has manifested himself to my soul in more love, and I have been able to cleave to him with more affection. Wherever I am, or whatever I do, or whomsoever I see, what have I to do but to think of thee, rejoice in thee, depend on thee, and to do thy work, my Saviour and my God? Oh, why do I ever depart from thee? Major and Mrs. Y., and Capt. C. dined with me and Sabat. The conversation was interesting and not unprofitable.

Nov. 15. (Sunday.) Preached on Exodus xx. 17. The spirituality of the law; the people seenjingly not much affected by it: but I was myself, both to-day and the day before, in preparing it. May these impressions of the infinite necessity of maintaining a pure heart before this holy Lord God, through the influence of the Holy Spirit, ever remain with me, that though my guilt may be washed away in Christ’s blood, I may lay it upon my conscience, to cast out the sinful thoughts of this self-deluding heart! Passed tho morning comfortably in reading the word; the number of women was very inconsiderable, and I had no life in speaking to them. At night, while my soul was cast down within me, from a sense of my own meanness and unworthiness, and inutility to the souls committed to me, my heart was comforted by spiritual exercises with the men, particularly in prayer; and I found it sweet to breathe after more seriousness and deadness to the world, both to myself and to them.

Nov. 19 — 21. My mind violently occupied with thoughts respecting the approaching spread of the gospel, and my own going to Persia. Sabat’s conversion stirs up a great desire in me to go; as by his account all the Mahometan countries are ripe for throwing off the delusion. The gracious Lord will teach me, and make my way plain before my face. Oh! may he keep my soul in peace, and make it indifferent to me, whether I die or live, so Christ be magnified by me! I have need to receive this spirit from him, for I feel at present unwilling to die, as if my own life and labors were necessary for this work, or as if I should be deprived of the bliss of seeing the conversion of the nations. Vain thought! God, who keeps me here awhile, arranges every part of his plans in unerring wisdom; and if I should be cut off in the midst of my plans, I shall still, I trust, through mercy, be hold his works in heaven, and be everlastingly happy, in the never-ceasing admiration of his works and nature.

Nov. 25. Letters came from Mr. Simeon and Lydia, both of which depressed my spirits exceedingly; though I have been wishing for some days past, that I. might have it in my power to consider myself free, so as to be able to go to Persia or elsewhere; — yet now that the wished-for permission is come, I am filled with grief: I cannot bear to part with Lydia, and she seems more necessary to me than my life; yet her letter was to bid me a last farewell. Oh, how have I been crossed from childhood, and yet how little benefit have I received from these chastisements of my God!

Nov. 26. Received a letter from Emma, which again had a tendency to depress my spirits; all the day I could not attain to sweet resignation to God. I seemed to be cut off forever from happiness, in not having Lydia with me.

DEC. 13. (Sunday.) Preached on Luke xii. 20. The congregation was large, and more attentive than they have ever yet been. Some of the young officers and soldiers seemed to be in deep concern. I was willing to believe that the power of God was present, if a wretch so poor and miserable can be the instrument of good to souls. Four years have I been in the ministry, and I am not sure that I have been the means of converting four souls from the error of their ways; why is this? The fault must be in myself. Prayer and secret duties seem to be where I fail; had I more power in intercession, more self-denial in persevering in prayer, it would be no doubt better for my hearers. In the afternoon discoursed much to the poor women, from the offering up of Isaac, of God’s offering his Son; but I could not keep their attention at all. A half-caste man who was there told me they might understand every word I used; so I know not what to do with them, but continue to teach while the Lord sends any to hear. At the hospital read the Saint’s Rest; in the evening had much freedom in exposition and prayer with the men, and affectionate spiritual conversation with dear Sabat.

DEC. 29. Tried very severely to-day by indwelling corruption. Sin is a body of death to my soul; I start with astonishment, that I can think without tears and agony of sin, which in its course would plunge me and others into shame, misery, and everlasting damnation. “Keep thy servant, 0 Lord, from presumptuous sins;” I walk on the edge of a precipice. Waken my soul to vigilance and circumspection, and may the power of thy Spirit command my wicked heart into obedience and holiness! Oh happy those souls who are gone beyond danger! Oh that I could maintain that meek, and resigned, and serious frame I hope to have in my dying hour!

DEC. 31. This and last day, conscience more pure, and mind at peace. What encouragement to resist, even to blood, striving against sin! And now another year is gone, time carries me swiftly on, but I run not my race swiftly.