July 1806 – January 1807
Serampore, July 30, 1806.
MY DEAREST LYDIA:
On a subject so intimately connected with my happiness and future ministry, as that on which I am now about to address you, I wish to assure you, that I am not acting with precipitancy, or without much consideration and prayer, while I at last sit down to request you to come out to me to India.
May the Lord graciously direct his blind and erring creature, and not suffer the natural bias of his mind to lead him astray. You are acquainted with much of the conflict I have undergone on your account. It has been greater than you or Emma have imagined, and yet not so painful as I deserve to have found it, for having suffered my affections to fasten so inordinately on an earthlv object.
Soon, however, after my final departure from Europe, God in great mercy gave me deliverance, and favored me throughout the voyage with peace of mind, indifference about all worldly connections, and devotedness to no object upon earth but the work of Christ. I gave you up entirely — not the smallest expectation remained in my mind of ever seeing you again till we should meet in heaven: and the thought of this separation was the less painful, from the consolatory persuasion that our own Father had so ordered it for our mutual good. I continued from that time to remember you in my prayers only as a Christian sister, though one very dear to me. On my arrival in this country, I saw no reason at first for supposing that marriage was advisable for a missionary. After a very short experience and inquiry after wards, my own opinions began to change, and when a few weeks ago we received your welcome letter, and others from Mr. Simeon and Colonel Sandys, both of whom spoke of you in reference to me, I considered it even as a call from God to satisfy myself fully concerning his will.
Though I dare not say that I am under no bias, yet from every view of the subject I have been able to take, after balancing the advantages and disadvantages that may ensue to the cause in which I am engaged, always in prayer for God’s direction, my reason is fully convinced of the expediency, I had almost said the necessity, of having you with me. It is possible that my reason may still be obscured by passion; let it suffice, however, to say, that now with a safe conscience, and the enjoyment of the divine presence, I calmly and deliberately make the proposal to you — and bkssed be God, if it be not his will to permit it; still this step is not advancing beyond the limits of duty, because there is a variety of ways by which God can prevent it without suffering any dishonor to his cause. If He shall forbid it, I think, that by his grace, I shall even then be contented and rejoice in the pleasure of corresponding with you. Your letter dated December, 1805, was the first I received, (your former having been taken in the Bell Packet) — and I found it so animating, that I could not but reflect on the blessedness of having so dear a counsellor always near me. I can truly say, and God is my witness, that my principal desire in this affair is, that you may promote the kingdom of God in my own heart, and be the means of extending it to the heathen. My own earthly com fort and happiness are not worth a moment’s notice — I would not, my dearest Lydia, influence you by any artifices or false representations. I can only say, that if you have a desire of being instrumental in establishing the blessed Redeemer’s kingdom among these poor people, and will condescend to do it by supporting the spirits, and animating the zeal, of a weak messenger of the Lord, who is apt to grow very dispirited and languid, ‘’Come, and the Lord be with you!” It can be nothing but a sacrifice on your part, to leave your valuable friends, to come to one who is utterly unworthy of you or any other of God’s precious gifts — but you will have your reward, and I ask it not of you or of God for the sake of my own happiness, but only on account of the Gospel. If it be not calculated to promote it, may God in his mercy withhold it! For the satisfaction of your friends, I should say that you will meet with no hardships. The voyage is very agreeable, and with the people and country of India, I think you will be much pleased. The climate is very fine — the so much dreaded heat is really nothing to those who will employ their minds in useful pursuits. Idleness will make people complain of everything. The natives are the most harmless and timid creatures I ever met with. The whole country is the land of plenty and peace. Were I a missionary among the Esquimaux or Boschemen, I should never dream of introducing a female into such a scene of danger or hardship, especially one whose happiness is dearer to me than my own, — but here there is universal tranquillity, — though the multitudes are so great, that a missionary needs not go three miles from his house, without having a congregation of many thousands. You would not be left in solitude, if I were to make any distant excursion, because no chaplain is stationed where there is not a large English society. My salary is abundantly sufficient for the support of a married man, the house and number of people kept by each company’s servant being such, as to need no increase for a family establishment. As I must make the supposition of your coming, though it, may be perhaps a premature liberty, I should give you some directions. This letter will reach you about the latter end of the year, — it would be very desirable, if you could be ready for the February fleet, because the voyage will be performed in far less time than at any other
season. George will find out the best ship; one in which there is a lady of high rank in the service would be preferable. You are to be considered as coming as a visitor to Mr. Brown, who will write to you, or to Colonel Sandys, who is best qualified to give you directions about the voyage. Should I be up the country on your arrival in Bengal, Mr. Brown will be at hand to receive you, and you will find yourself immediately at home. As it will highly expedite some of the plans which we have in agitation, that you should know the language as soon as possible, take Gilchrist’s Indian Stranger’s guide, and occasionally on the voyage learn some of the words.
If I had room, I might enlarge on much that would be interesting to you. In my conversations with Marshman, the Baptist missionary, our hearts sometimes expand with delight and joy at the prospect of seeing all these nations of the East receive the doctrine of the Cross. He is a happy laborer; and I only wait, I trust, to know the language, to open my mouth boldly, and make known the mystery of the Gospel. My romantic notions are for the first time almost realized, — for, in addition to the beauties of sylvan scenery, may be seen the more delightful object of multitudes of simple people sitting in the shade, listening to the words of eternal life. Much as yet is not done; but I have seen many discover, by their looks while Marshman was peaching, that their hearts were tenderly affected. My post is not yet determined; we expect, however, it will be Patna, a civil station, where I shall not be under military command. As you are so kindly anxious about my health, I am happy to say, that, through mercy, my health is far better than it ever was in England.
However, you shall decide, my dearest Lydia. I must approve your determination, because with that spirit of simple looking to the Lord, which we both endeavor to maintain, we must not doubt that you will be divinely directed. Till I receive an answer to this, my prayers, you may be assured, will be constantly put up for you, that in this affair you may be under an especial guidance, and that in all your ways God may be abundantly glorified by you through Jesus Christ. You say in your letter, that frequently every day you remember my worthless name before the throne of grace. This instance of extraordinary and undeserved kindness draws my heart toward you with a tenderness which I cannot describe. Dearest Lydia, in the sweet and fond expectation of your being given to me by God, and of the happiness which I humbly hope you yourself might enjoy here, I find a pleasure in breathing out my assurance of ardent love. I have now long loved you most affectionately; and my attachment is more strong, more pure, more heavenly, because I see in you the image of Jesus Christ. I unwillingly conclude, by bidding my beloved Lydia adieu.
IT. MAIITYN.
JULY 31. Was blest with more of God’s presence, especially in the afternoon, while reading the first three chapters of Revelations. Amidst the noise and bustle of missionary societies and plans, how much sweeter and more strengthening to have the soul withdrawn to God, and receiving an humble serious hardihood of soul. How much do I want this! Marshman’s earnest recommendation to me to begin Sanscrit seems to show, that God will employ me to strike at the heart of Hindooism; may the Lord make bare his holy arm, and cause his worm to behold the downfall of the kingdom of Satan!
AUGUST 1. Set apart this day for fasting and prayer: the remembrance of my past sins was again brought to my mind. As usual, however, I felt no tender relenting for a while; by
1806.] OF THE REY. HENRY MARTYN. 351
which the Lord led me to see, that to my other wickednesses I add that of an impenitent heart, and that there is no connection between a knowledge of the head respecting sin, and godly sorrow for it, without the precious influences of the Spirit. Eut I found a degree of abasement at last, so as to desire to lie low before God and man, from being unworthy to be found among them. In prayer for grace to enable me to walk holily as a child of God, my heart was enlarged: in interceding for dear friends, and for the church of God, not so much so: and at intervals was severely tried by the su<r-J JO
gestions of Satan disposing me to a detestable levity.
AUG. 5. I was tried repeatedly, most violently with worldly, sensual thoughts, and though the grace of God was given to fight against them, yet they left such a defiling effect, that the Comforter was withdrawn.
AUG. 6. My heart waving in its state, sometimes in acute misery, separated from God by unbelief. Meditated on Song of Solomon i. 7, 8. At the close of the day, my harassed soul found grace, from a compassionate God, to be serious and composed. I felt withdrawn from the world, and disposed in my frame to speak on holding fellowship with Jesus. Glory be to God, for getting so far on my way! I seem to be doing little good on earth, but I trust to be made more profitable soon, among the poor heathen.
AUG. 7. By a nearer view, I was in some measure convinced of the insignificance of the idols I am putting in Jehovah’s room. It is only an imaginary value I affix to creatures. What is there worthy of the soul’s love, but God? And yet, oh Lord, the smallest temptation can draw me away from thee. Received much comfort from finding that I could understand my Brahmin so well, while he described the customs of Cashmere, and explained his religious views. My spirits begins to expand again with hope, that I shall be able to carry the everlasting gospel through the regions of the enst. Often vain and trifling, yet my heart felt, while thinking of the words,
Sweet the moments, rich in blessing,
Which before the cross I spend, —
oh that I could be always there, meditating on the humiliation and dying love of the Lord!
AUG. 8. I saw the absolute necessity of forcing my way through all my corrupt thoughts and guilt to the cross of Christ, and depending for all upon the grace of God; for I could make no head against them. Marshman suggested the idea of my going as a missionary to China. I felt no reluctance to encounter dangers and death, but the thought of Lydia occurred, and for the first time I felt a little entangled. But, however, I determined to leave her at the call of God, being assured of her perfect acquiescence in anything which should be for the gospel: and seeing the ease with which I could do it, I felt more satisfied in my mind than ever, that she would be no hindrance to me. I have, however, no notion whatever of going thither. Such a roving, wandering spirit, I conceive to be highly unsuitable to a missionary. The Lord opens a door in India, and the exertions of English missionaries ought to be concentrated there.
AUG. 9. The agreeable female society I meet with in India is very dangerous to me, by producing a softness of mind, and indisposition to solitude and bold exertion. “Thou there fore endure hardness, as a good soldier of Jesus Christ.” I felt, through mercy, my danger so near, that I determined without hesitation to be as little as possible in the enjoyment of those too pleasing comforts, which are so enervating. What very, very little desire have I for marriage, except when I recollect that Lydia will, I hope, be such a one, that I may live as independent as if single! Enjoyed much com fort in the blessed God. Oh how preferable is a taste of spiritual things, to every other enjoyment in the world! “One day in thy courts is better than a thousand.”
AUG. 10. (Sunday.) Preached at the new church on Acts iii. 26, before the Governor-General, Sir George Barlow. There were not many present, on account of the excessive closeness of the day; but they were apparently impressed.
AUG. 11. The afternoon and evening were spent in agonizing conflicts with my corrupt affections. How long, oh Lord, shall I try thy patience? Passion subsides for a moment, and I am at ease; but I have no power over my own heart. I cannot keep reason and truth in view. Yet in the name of God I will say, that heaven and earth shall pass away, before I will yield. The right hand shall be cut off, and the right eye plucked out a thousand times, but the will of God shall be done. At night, went with a wounded spirit to Mr. V. to dinner. Found to my no great satisfaction a large party of both sexes, to all of whom I was introduced. I soon felt how impossible it is for a minister to speak boldly to the people, if he visits them in their common meetings without a religious purpose. Made for one evening a fine gentleman among them; I grieved at the inconsistency of getting up to warn them of the wickedness of such a way of passing their time. I trust it will be long enough before I am found at another such party.
AUG. 12. Rose rather unhappy from a stubbornness of will; but in prayer my soul was much refreshed, so that I felt desirous only of conformity to the will of God. I was likewise enabled to pray for the outpouring of the Spirit upon many of my Christian friends, that they might be eminently holy. Isaiah Ix. and Rev. xxi. coming together to-day, in the course of my daily reading, were blessed to the stirring up of my desires for a fervent laboriousness in a work so glorious as the building of the temple of God.
AUG. 13. After a night, in which I had experienced a most piercing pain in my head, from having been exposed to the glare and heat of an unclouded meridian sun for a few minutes, — I arose restored by the goodness of my God. If so small a benefit appear a call to gratitude, how ought I to think of his mercy, in not suffering presumptuous sin to get the dominion over me!
AUG. 15. Attended Lord Lake’s levee with a prodigious crowd of military officers, &c. It was as trifling as the Governor- General’s. After the levee, went to Seramporc. The length of time they took to carry me in the boat, through the mismanagement of the mangee, made my wicked spirit show itself by impatience. How far the Spirit of God flies from an angry mind! I did not like being alone, either, though I had the word of God with me. Oh what a preparation is this for being a missionary! How ease and prosperity spoil the temper, and go to ruin the soul! In prayer in the afternoon, I breathed for a while after humility, and holiness; but at night, in conversation with Mr. 13. and Mr. Ward, I again discovered a passionate spirit. Lord, save me from presumptuous sins, that they may not after all get the dominion over me. What matters it to me, that I seem to engage in plans for the conversion of the heathen, if I do not teach myself! When I considered myself a solitary unconnected being, hastening through the world, I think I was more patient, less self-willed. Have the thoughts of marriage already injured me? The Lord save his perverse creature from every snare.
AUG. 16. Was full of joy and praise this morning, but yielding to the snares of sin afterwards brought a cloud of guilt and shame; and in the evening, though my conscience was sprinkled with the blood of Jesus, yet I could only walk carefully and mournfully. I never had a more fair opportunity of comparing the pleasures of sin and holiness than this day. In the morning, I was saying to myself, “Now how sweet arid happy is this frame; can anything- on earth equal it? Let me see the extreme folly of giving way to sinful thoughts.” Yet after all this happy experience, and these reasonings, I did give way to certain sinful imaginations; and though it was but as it were for a moment, my joys lied, and I could recover them no more for the day. 1 bless the Lord, that thus he teaches me the evil of sin; and I bless and adore his patience, that bears with so much wickedness and perverseness. Marshman said so much of the necessity of my remaining at Calcutta, that though I was not nearly convinced, I was made somewhat uneasy by distraction. Found relief where only I ever find it, in prayer that God would give me that peace which passeth understanding. It is a pleasure to “cease from man, whose breath is in his nostrils.” AUG. 19. Writing and reading with moonshee, but made little advantage of the time; less under the power of corruption. In the evening had a long conversation with Marshman, on the expediency of my fixing at Calcutta, on account of its being the seat of influence. He was very earnest as usual. His arguments are these; That very many would probably be converted under my ministry: That I should be able to form and perpetuate a society for superintending missions: That the nearness of the Baptist Missionaries at Serampore would be of mutual advantage for counsel and encouragement: That there would be a more ready communication with England: That I might be of use in aiding and directing bodies of missionaries, who might be brought to Serampore; and that I might more advantageously pursue oriental learning; but that if I went up the country, all my usefulness would be confined to my individual labors; that it would be two years before I could be understood; that many more years would elapse before success; that with all this, I should probably droop and lose my spirits. I was much perplexed, and so excited that I could get little sleep.
AUG. 22. Read several papers of Mr. B ’s on missionary subjects, and wrote down a vocabulary of Cashmerian words. Heard of the arrival of two new missionaries, for which I feel thankful, but found at night that I have very little of a missionary spirit. It is an awful and arduous thing to renounce every affection to earthly things, so as to live for another world.
AUG. 25. Called on Mr. Limerick and Mr. Birch; with the latter I had a good deal of conversation on the practicability of establishing schools, and uniting in a society. An officer who was there, took upon him to call in question the lawfulness of interfering with the religion of the natives, ‘and said that at Delhi the Christians were some of the worst people there. I was glad at the prospect of meeting with these Christians. The Lord enabled me to speak boldly to the man, and to silence him. From thence I went to the Governor- General’s levee, and received great attention from him, as indeed from most others here. Perhaps it is a snare of Satan to stop my mouth, and make me unwilling to preach faithfully to them. The Lord have mercy, and quicken me to diligence!
AUG. 26. Employed all day in writing. At night Marshman came, and our conversation was very refreshing and profitable. Truly the love of God is the happiness of the soul! My soul felt much sweetness at this thought, and breathed after God. At midnight Marshman came to the pagoda, and awakened me with the information, that Sir G. Barlow had sent word to Carey, not to disperse any more tracts, nor send out more native brethren, or in any way interfere with the prejudices of the natives. We did not know what to make of this; the subject so excited me, that I was again deprived of necessary sleep.
AUG. 28. Enjoyed much comfort in my soul this morning, and ardor for my work; but afterwards, consciousness of indolence and unprofitableness made me uneasy. In the evening Mr. Marshman, Ward, Moore, and Rovve, came up and talked with us on the Governor’s prohibition of preaching the gospel, &c. Mr. Brown’s advice was full of wisdom, and weighed with them all. I was exceedingly excited, and spoke with vehemence against the measures of government, which afterwards filled me justly with shame.
AUG. 29. Passed the morning in writing sermon, after wards with moonshee; both morning and evening felt much humbled. I felt a sort of pleasure in being despised and slighted by all mankind. Moonshee was telling me of the danger of preaching in any part of India beyond Benares, where the country had not been long in the possession of the English. I was somewhat intimidated, and dejected at the thought of a violent and cruel death. But oh, how sweet did every comfortable passage in the word of God appear, while reading it under this impression! He is my friend, who is exalted as head over all.
AUG. 31. (Sunday.) Preached in the morning at the new church, on the condemnation of the law, from Rom. iii. 19. There was much solemn attention, and my spirit was lifted up above the concern of men’s opinions.
SERAMPORE, Sept. 1,1806’.
MY DEAREST LYDIA,
With this you will receive the duplicate of the letter I sent you a month ago, by the overland dispatch. May it find you prepared to come! All the thoughts and views which I have had of the subject since first addressing you, add tenfold confirmation to my first opinion; and I trust that the blessed God will graciously make it appear, that I have been acting under a right direction, by giving the precious gift to me and to the church in India. Many, many months must elapse, before I can see you, or even hear how you shall determine. It is a consolation to me during this long suspense, that had 1 engaged with you before my departure, I should not have had such a satisfactory conviction of its being the will of God. I am very happy here in preparing for my delightful work; but I should be happier still, if I were sufficiently fluent in the language to be actually employed; and happiest of all, if my beloved Lydia were at my right hand, counselling and animating me. I am not very willing to end my letter to you; it is difficult not to prolong the enjoyment of speaking, as it were, to one who occupies so much of my sleeping and waking hours; but here, alas! I am aware of danger; and my dear Lydia will, I hope, pray that her unworthy friend may love no creature inordinately.
It will be base in me to depart in heart from a God of such love as I find him to be. 0 that I could make some ivturns for the riches of his love! Swiftly fly the hours of life away, and then we shall be admitted to behold his glory. The ages of darkness are rolling fast away, and shall soon usher in the gospel period, when the whole world shall be filled with his glory. Oh my beloved sister and friend, dear to me on every account, but dearest of all, for having one heart and one soul with me in the cause of Jesus and the love of God, let us pray and rejoice, and rejoice and pray, that God may be glorified, and the dying Saviour see of the travail of his soul. May the God of hope fill us with all joy and peace in believing, that we may both of us abound in hope through the power of the Holy Ghost! Now, my dearest Lydia, I cannot say what I feel — I cannot pour out my soul — I could not, if you were here; but I pray that you may love me, if it be the will of God; and I pray that God may make you more and more his child, and give me more and more love for all that is Godlike and holy, I remain, with fervent affection,
Your’s, in eternal bonds, H. MARTYN.
SEPT. 2. Employed in writing letters to England. My heart seemed to be kindled with love to God while writing to Lydia, but I know not how far it was pure
SEPT. 3. Marshman talked to me a good deal of the jealousies and envies of the different missionary societies, till I was quite harassed, and even disgusted with the accounts. Oh what mischief to the cause of God will Satan produce from this! Oh how tiresome it is to look to men, and think of men, and their plans! Oh let me walk more and more alone with the holy God, and in his light and love walk humbly in the appointed path through the world, and long to depart and be with Christ, which is far better!
SEPT. 4. Tried with violent temptation. I can see no fit emblem of my soul, but the burning bush. I may well be amazed, at the close of each day, that I am not given up to the power of Satan and sin. God inwardly supports my soul, and Christ fulfils his precious word: “my grace is sufficient for thee,” Had much discussion with moonshee about religion. Heard at night from Mr. B. that some people were much stung with what they heard from me on the last Lord’s day. Would that they were pricked to the heart and would cry for mercy! I feel them to be much upon my heart; and oh that I had love to cry for them more fervently!
SEPT. 8. Left Calcutta before day, and went to Serampore. Was exceedingly oppressed in my spirits, that the cause of Satan and lies should be suffered to prevail. At night, my soul found it solemnizing and composing to view death near at hand. Alas! how insignificant, how short-lived are the cares of men, the opposition of the enemies of the church, and the sufferings she undergoes!
SEPT. 11. Came up to Serampore in the morning. Two of the missionaries came at night, and talked with us a long time, till late, about their plans, &c., in consequence of the police having ordered the two new missionaries to return home. I was quite wearied with hearing of religion only in its outward circumstances, and longed to hear a word from a broken-hearted soul, who had never heard the name of mission!
SEPT. 12. In a sorrowful state of mind, arising more from bodily causes than inward conflict; and therefore my soul found more pleasure in God than in any person or thing. Wished only to fulfil as a hireling my day, and then to bid adieu to a world so full of vanity and vexation of spirit. Marsh man and Captain Wickes dined with us, but I had no inclination to join in the conversation. Oh how much talking is there to little purpose! I am tired with speculations, and making remarks upon missionary things; I want to be doing, and not till then shall I be satisfied.
SEPT. 13. By reading and thinking a little on Psalm cxlv., my soul was kindled into more love and joy than I generally experience; and our conversation was in some degree spiritual and refreshing. Heard of the arrival of Corrie and Parsons at Madras, and of my appointment to Dinapore.
SEPT. 14, 1806
MY DEAR SARGENT: —
It is now four months since I landed in this country, but I have seen little more of it than what lies between Serampore and Calcutta; and the little time that can be spent out of doors affords very small opportunities of acquiring local knowledge. My whole employment is preparing sermons and learning the language. I have grievous complaints to make, that the immense work of translating the services into the language of the East is left to Dissenters, who cannot in ten years supply the want of what we gain by a classical education. * * * * Suppose D. F., &c., would devote ten or fifteen years of their lives in this country to the sole work of getting the Scriptures translated into some of the languages of the East, they might accomplish it easily, and they would very soon be able to superintend the learned natives who should be employed in the work. Were not the zeal of our forefathers almost evaporated in these times, a body of pious and learned young clergymen would come forth with joy to so glorious a work. You address me as a missionary, and as if their were hardships in my way — externally there are none, except temptations may be called so, as perhaps they ought to be. The air is so soft and serene, that you might sleep at night under a tree; and maintenance so easy, that a wholesome meal may be purchased for a farthing or two.
I am this day appointed to Dinapore, in the neighborhood of Patna.
With great regard, I remain, my dear brother,
sincerely your’s,
H. M.
SEPT. 15. Still unwell, and found it hard to fix my thoughts in prayer. My heart was wounded again at finding the necessity of tearing the affections away from the creature. Oh what a state is human life become from the corruption of the heart! If affliction be our lot, the soul must pause at the pain; if otherwise, the heart cleaves to an idol, and then causes the pain of separation. Passed much of the after noon in reading a series of newspapers from England. How affecting to think, how the fashion of this world passeth away! What should I do without Christ as an everlasting portion? How vain is life, how mournful is death, and what is eternity without Christ! In the evening, Marshman and Ward came to us. By endeavoring to recollect myself as before God, I found more comfort, and was enabled to show more propriety ift conversation.
SEPT. 17. At night, while I was at the missionaries’, Mr.
Chamberlain arrived from up the country. Just as we rejoiced at the thought of seeing him and his wife, we found she had died in the boat! I do not know when I was so shocked; my soul revolted at everything in this world, which God lias so marked with misery — the effect of sin. Marriage seemed terrible! by exposing one to the agonizing sight of a wife dying in such circumstances.
SETT. 21. (Sunday.) Preached at the New Church from Rom. iii. 10, 21, on Justification by Faith, and vindicated my self, by showing that all that I had advanced was agreeable to the Church of England. The sermon had the effect of convincing, or at least, of shutting the mouths of gain-sayers. The Lord enabled me to feel what I told them, when I said, ‘• To me it is a small matter to be judged of you, or of man’s judgment.” I felt great indifference about everything in the world. At night, preached on Acts xvi. — the jailor’s question; but felt less than I ever did when preaching on that subject. Thus God in love shows his ignorant and vain creature, that it is “Not by might, nor by power, but by my spirit.” After church my soul was full of joy and love, especially when three of the missionaries joined us. 1 longed that we might have no conversation but what was spiritual.
SEPT. 24. Went down (o Calcutta with Mr. Brown and Corrie, and found letters. My affections of love and joy were so excited by them, that it was almost too much for my poor frame. My dearest Lydia’s assurances of her love were grateful enough to my heart — but they left somewhat of a sorrowful effect, occasioned, I believe, chiefly from a fear of her suffering in any degree, and partly from the long time and distance that separate us, and an uncertainty if ever we shall be permitted to meet one another in this world. In the evening, the Lord gave me near and close and sweet communion with him on this subject, and enabled me to commit the affair with comfort into his hands. Vhy did I ever doubt his love? Does He not love us far better than we love one another?
SEPT. 25. In the afternoon read with moonshee; enjoyed much of the solemn presence of God; the whole day had many happy seasons in prayer, and felt strengthened for the work of a missionary, which is speedily to begin; blessed be God! My friends are alarmed about the solitariness of my future life, and my tendency to melancholy; but, oh my dearest Lord! thou art with me; thy rod and thy staff they comfort me. I go on thine errand — and I know that thou art and wilt be with me. How easily canst thou support and refresh my heart!
SERAMPORE, Sept. 1806.
How earnestly do I long for the arrival of my dearest Lydia! Though it may prove at last no more than a waking dream, that I ever expected to receive you in India, the hope is too pleasing not to be cherished, till I am forbidden any longer to hope. Till I am assured of the contrary, I shall find a pleasure in addressing you as my own. If you are not to be mine, you will pardon me; but my expectations are greatly encouraged by the words you used when we parted at Gurlyn, that I had better go out free, implying, as I thought, that you would not be unwilling to follow me, if I should see it to be the will of God to make the request. I was rejoiced also to see in your letter that you unite your name with mine, when you pray that God would keep us both in the path of duty — from this I infer that you are by no means determined to remain separate from me. You will not suppose, my dear Lydia, that I mention these little things to influence your conduct, or to implicate you in an engagement.
—No, I acknowledge that you are perfectly free — and I have no doubt that you will act as the love and wisdom of our
God shall direct. Your heart is far less interested in this business than mine, in all probability; and this on one account I do not regret, as you will be able to see more clearly the directions of God’s providence.
The commander-in-chief has at last appointed me to the station of Dinapore, near Patna; it is not exactly the situation I wished for — though in a temporal point of view it is desirable enough. The air is good, the living cheap, the salary £1000 a year — and there is a large body of English troops there. But I should have preferred being near Benares, the heart of Ilindooism. We rejoice to hear, that two other brethren are arrived at Madras on their way to Bengal, sent, I trust, by the Lord, to co-operate in overturning the kingdom of Satan in these regions. They are Corrie and Parsons, both Bengal chaplains. Their stations will be Benares and Moorshedabed — one on one side of me, and the other on the other. There are also now ten Baptist missionaries at Serampore. Surely good is intended for this country!
I have been just interrupted by the blaze of a funeral pile, within a hundred yards of my pagoda — I ran out — but the wretched woman had consigned herself to the flames before I reached the spot — and I saw only the remains of her and her husband. 0 Lord, how long shall it be? Oh! I shall have no rest in my spirit, till my tongue is loosed to testify against the devil, and deliver the message of God to these his unhappy bond-slaves. I stammered out something to the wicked Brahmins about the judments of God upon them for the murder they had just committed; but they said it was an act of her own free will. Some of the missionaries would have been there, but they are forbidden by the governor-general to preach to the natives in the British territory. Unless this prohibition is revoked by an order from home, it will amount to a total suppression of the mission.
I know of nothing else, that will give you a further idea of the state of things here. The two ministers continue to oppose my doctrines with unabated virulence; but they think not that they fight against God. My own heart is at present cold and slothful. Oh that my soul did burn with love and zeal! Surely, were you here, I should act with more cheerfulness and activity with so bright a pattern before me. Continue to remember me in your prayers, as a weak brother — I shall always think of you as one to be loved and honored.
H. MARTYN.
SEPT. 27. Mr. Chamberlain breakfasted with us; I was much and agreeably surprised with his Christian simplicity and remarkable zeal. He talked to us a good deal in an encouraging and instructive manner: by irregularity in prayer and reading, lost much of my comfort. Rode out on the course in the evening with Parsons, and had some useful conversation with him.
OCTOBER 1. Reading with moonshee and preparing sermon; found great cause to pray for brotherly love. Preached at night at the Mission Church, on Ephes. ii. 4. Had a very refreshing conversation with Come afterwards; we wished it to be for the benefit of two cadets, who supped with us, and I hope it will not be in vain. May the Lord be pleased to make me act with a single eye to his glory. How easy it is to preach about Christ Jesus the Lord, and yet to preach oneself!
OCT. 5. At night Corrie preached instead of Parsons, on John ii. 1, 2. During the whole of this evening’s ordinance, my soul felt the greatness and glory of God. How little did I ever know of his great glory! with what irreverence do we pray, and speak the awful name! My soul was astonished at the patience of God in bearing such insults as he must do from the best. But all the salvation of men is a miracle of grace; God will show what he can do by Jesus Christ.
OCT. 8. My time much taken up with settling my affairs, though my mind through mercy not much distracted. At night I preached at the Mission Church, on Isaiah lii. 7. “How beautiful on the mountains,” &c. Was much grieved and ashamed at the extreme coldness with which I could speak on so precious and delightful a text. We had some useful conversation after church with the cadets at supper; and after they were gone, we endeavored to fix on some plan of constant communication with one another.
OCT. 12. (Sunday.) Corrie preached at the New Church, on Gal. vi. 14. “God forbid that I should glory,” &c. — - God be praised for another noble witness to his truth! Mr. Edmond came to take leave, and showed me some letters from some pious soldiers, stationed at Muttra and Cawnpore. The awful fall of one of them occasioned a melancholy apprehension in my own soul, lest I also should fall into the same condemnation. Lord, save thy servant from presumptuous sins. Took my leave of the saints in Calcutta in a sermon on Acts xx. 32. But how very far from being in spirit like the great Apostle!
DINAPORE, Nov. 29, 1806.
MY DEAR SIR,
Having met with nothing worth mentioning since I last wrote to you from Monghir, I sit down to mention merely, that I arrived here in safety on the 26th. I wished to be able to tell you that I was comfortably settled, and that has been the occasion of my delay. The bustle is now over, and I am now quietly seated in my apartments at the barracks, which I have taken at 50 rupees a month; but General Clarke tells me I must not stay here, but get into others differently situated before the hot season. It is hot even now; I can scarcely bear anything on me at night, though in the budgerow I passed many a cold night for want of clothes. General Clarke has been exceedingly civil. On Monday I propose going to Patna to consult with Mr. Gladwin about getting a good pundit, for I find Gilchrist’s Hindoostanee is too fine to be understood by any but the servants of the English. A Hindoo may be probably able to teach me something of the language of the villages. Even my own Hindoostanee I speak with greater hesitation than ever, insomuch that I feel reluctant in uttering a single sentence! yet I find by the translation that I write it more correctly. The sight of the multitudes at Patna, and on the banks toward this place, filled me with astonishment and dread, from which I have not yet recovered; and the crowds in the bazaar here have had no tendency to diminish it. What shall be done for them all? I feel constrained to pray, and to beg your prayers, for a double, yea, for a ten fold portion of the Spirit to make me equal to my work. There are four hundred European troops here, and forty-five officers. The sight of these men recalls the sorrowful remembrance of what I endured on board ship from my disdainful and abandoned countrymen among the military; they are “impudent children and stiff-hearted,” and will receive, I fear, my ministrations, as all the others have done, with scorn. Yet we are unto God a sweet savor even in them that perish.
Let me know when a ship is to sail for Europe, that I may get my letters ready, though I confess I am very loth to give an hour to letter-writing, when life is slipping away, and I have done nothing yet towards this immense work. When you are certified of my arrival here, I shall hope for letters to be flowing in from all quarters. But I forget the resolution recorded at the top of the page. I remember you all affectionately, but not so much so as I ought. A brand plucked from the burning ought to love and honor the people of God more. Mrs. Brown and the children have a constant place in my prayers. My kindest love to them all. May the Lord be with my two dear brethren under your roof, and strengthen their hearts and their hands! so will they work wonders. Remember me very kindly to all the missionaries, and all the church at Calcutta.
I am, my dear friend and brother,
Yours most sincerely,
H. MARTYN.
To the Rev. D. BROWX,. Calcutta.
Nov. 30. (Sunday.) After spending some comfortable .ours in reading and prayer, in my rooms, I went to the hospital and had some conversation. One of the men was exceedingly disrespectful, but through grace I maintained my temper perfectly; there were several books among them, but none religious. After dinner I carried them eight or ten; read the service for the sick, and the first part of Doddridge’s Rise and Progress, which was much attended to. Walked in the evening with moonshee, and was surprised to find how similar the disputes among the Mahometans about faith and works are to our own. He perfectly agreed in the truth, that all men are sinners alike before God, and that all must be saved in a way of mere mercy. Nothing but the exercise of continually stirring up myself to diligence, could have kept me from dejection to-day; but I prayed that I might do my work with pleasure, and never even wish it to be other than God had appointed it; and though I am far enough from that spirit, a blessing attends the very prayers for it!
)LC. 1. Early this morning, I set off in my palanquin for i, and was much strengthened inwardly by reading the account of God’s delivering his people from Egypt- wish to believe that he will marvellously interfere for the deliverance of. his elect, in these lands. Arrived at Mr. G.’s at the fort in Patna about noon, and passed most of the day with him very agreeably. He was free and communicative on the subject of religion, and I felt greatly rejoiced in believing, that there was still grace in his heart. Something brought the remembrance of my dear Lydia so powerfully to my mind, that I could not cease thinking of her for a moment. I know not when my reflections seemed to turn so fondly towards her; at the same time I scarcely dare to wish her to come to this country. The whole country is manifestly disaffected. I was struck with the anger and contempt with which multitudes of the natives eyed me in my palanquin.
DIXAPORE, Doc. 3, 1806.
MY DEAR SIR,
From a solitary walk on the banks of the river, I had just returned to my dreary rooms, and with the reflection that just at this time of the day I could be thankful for a companion, was taking up the flute to remind myself of your social meetings in worship, when your two packages of letters, which had arrived in my absence, were brought to me. For the contents of them, all I can say is, bless the Lord, 0 my soul! and all that is within me bless his holy name! The arrival of another dear brother, and the joy you so largely partake of in fellowship with God and with one another, act as a cordial to my soul. They show me what I want to learn, that the Lord God Omnipotent reigneth — and that they that keep the faith of Jesus are those only whom God visits with his strong consolations. I want to keep in view, that our God is the God of the whole earth — and that the heathen are given to his exalted Son, the uttermost parts of the earth for a possession.
I have now made my calls, and delivered my letters, and
the result of my observations upon whom and what I have
seen is, that I stand alone. Not one voice is heard saying,
I wish you good luck in the name of the Lord; not one kind thought towards me for the truth’s sake. Monday I went without any introduction to Mr. G., and by the influence of your name found a very kind reception; I spent the day with him very agreeably, talking about Persian, Hindoostanee, &c., but chiefly about religion. He evidently did not speak about it merely in compliment to me, for many times he chose the subject himself.
Since I began this letter, I have been chiefly thinking of Hannah. You have indeed good reason for supposing that (iod hath loved her. Dear child! if she should be at this time taken to his glory, I could almost envy her lot, in being removed from a world of sin and sorrow so soon. Give my love to her — I hope we shall see together that great and glorious day which Jesus has made.
I hasten to write a few lines to each of my brethren, who have so kindly remembered me — and therefore, I conclude. You do not mention Mrs. Brown in any of your letters — I do not know why; I am sure she sends her love to me. Believ e me to be, my very dear sir, yours most affectionately,
H. MARTYX.
DEC. G. Employed in translation and parables. Moonshee walked with me in the evening, and tried my temper exceedingly by his Mahometan bigotry. I was obliged to lift up my heart to God continually, that he would enable me in patience to possess my soul. The only relief my spirit finds, while I witness the stubborn superstition of people, is to cast my care upon God. It is His own blessed cause.
DEC. 7. (Sunday.) At 10 o’clock read the church service in one of the barracks, to a tolerable congregation, and preached on Luke x. 2. There was a very solemn attention, and if I am not mistaken, some of their consciences were touched. In the morning the Lord favored me with a very happy sea son of prayer. Oh that I could always thus abide with God, apart from the world! “Great peace have they that love thy law.” By the little I know, I am persuaded, that there is a peace which passeth all understanding, a peace such as Christ enjoyed himself, and such as he will give his people; but the rest of the day I could not maintain that sense of the Divine presence.
DEC. 10. A dream last night was so like reality, and the impression after it was so deep upon my spirits, that I must record the date of it. It was about Lydia; I dreamt that she was arrived, but that after some conversation I said to her, “I know this is a dream; it is too soon after my letter for you to have come.” Alas! it is only a dream; and with this I awoke, and sighed to think that it was indeed only a dream. Perhaps all my hope about her is but a dream! Yet, be it so! whatever God shall appoint must be good for us both, and with that I will endeavor to be tranquil and happy, pursuing my way through the wilderness with equal steadiness, whether with or without a companion.
DEC. 14. (Sunday.) Service performed by an after order, at 10 o’clock. The general was present, about twenty officers, and some of their ladies; I preached on the parable of the tares of the field. In the evening it pleased the Lord to show me something of the awful nearness of the world of spirits, and the unmeasurable importance of my having my thoughts and cares devoted to my missionary work. Thus I obtained peace,
DEC. 15. At night dined with Colonel W., and met there the society of Dinapore; never were hours so misspent. I had no conversation with them, but was witness to their general levity. In the morning my soul was seemingly in an enslaved state, but the third chapter of Revelation came home with awful solemnity to my soul; shall I lose my crown? No, I trust through grace at last to overcome, and rise conqueror over all.
DEO. 17. Mv soul afflicted and solemn at the sense of exceeding sinfulness; and in morning prayer, had some meltinoof spirit; but these feelings were short-lived. Employed all day in writing on the parables. Having to attend a funeral for the first time, I looked round the monuments of the burying ground, and felt an unusual awe at the sight of these mementoes of mortality.
DEC. 18. Kmploycd in going over the former parables with the moonshee, in order to collect Hindoostanee words. At night read Sadi with moonshee, and was not a little surprised at the pure truth being so remarkably written there, in chap ter ii.: truly, the devil can make himself appear in the form of an angel of light, and teach scriptural truth as well as quote it, to serve his purposes. Yet I do not find anything resembling pardon through Christ, and the gift of the Holy Ghost. Precious, precious salvation revealed in the word! “Thy righteousness is an everlasting righteousness, and thy law is the truth.”
DEC. 21. In the evening, after a solemn season of prayer,
I received letters from Europe, one from Cousin T,
Emma, Lydia, and others. The torrent of vivid affection which passed through my heart, at receiving such assurances of regard, continued almost without intermission for four hours. Yet in reflection afterwards, the few words my dearrst Lydia wrote, turned my joy into tender sympathy with her. Who knows what her heart has suffered! After all, our God is our best portion; and it is true that if we are never permitted to meet, we shall enjoy blissful intercourse forever in glory.
DEC. 23. Set apart the chief part of this day for prayer, with fasting; but I do not know that my soul got much good. Oh what need have I to be stirred up by the Spirit of God, to exert myself in prayer! Had no freedom or power in prayer, though some appearance of tenderness. Lydm is R snare to me; I think of her so inressantlv, and with such foolish and extravagant fondness, that my heart is drawn away from God: thought at night, can that be true love, which is other than God would have it? No, that which is lawful is most genuine, when regulated by the holy law of God.
DEC. 25. Preached on Tim. i. 15, to a large congregation.
The general, and Drs. W and S- - were present, and
the latter assisted at the administration of the Sacrament. Those who remained at the Sacrament were chiefly ladies, and none of them young men. My heart still entangled with this idolatrous affection and consequently unhappy. Some times I gained deliverance from it for a short time, and was happy in the love of God. How awful the thought, that while perishing millions demand my every thought and care, my mind should be distracted about such an extreme trifle, as that of my own comfort.! Oh, let me at last have done with it, and the merciful God save me from departing from Him, and committing that horrible crime of forsaking the fountain of living waters, and hewing out to myself broken cisterns!