Memoirs of Mrs. Ann Hulton

Ann, the youngest daughter of Mr. PhiHp Henry, was born at Broad-Oak, November 25th, 1668; she was baptized by her father privately. When she was about a year old, she was sick and nigh unto death of an ague, on which he notes, “that she was freely given up to the will of God. Lord, do thy pleasure with mc and mine, but contend not with a dry leaf”

He hath noted another ill fit she had when about a year and a half old, and adds, “No sooner doth any thing ail my children but I am presently thinking it is for death. My own guilt, and sense of my unworthiness causes such misgivings, 1 Kings xvii. 18, but God is good.”

She gave very early indications of a sweet and towanlly disposition, and an aptness to learn above most of her sex and age, which induced her father, after she had learned to read English well, before she began to sew, to initiate her in the Latin tongue, which she took very easily, but made no great progress in it.

From a child she knew the Holy Scriptures, and read them with delight; spoke intelligently of Scripture stories, and was betimes, as soon as she grew to any capacity, very well affected and inclined to the exercises of piety and devotion.

Yet in her own reflections upon her childhood, (written in the year 1GS8,) though she blesses God for the advantages of a good education, she bewails that the cursed fountain of original sin soon bubbled up. “My childhood and youth” (saith she) “were sinning vanity. I can remember nothing that I did in the world for many years, much less my sins; but, when I now see what follies other children are guilty of, I have no reason to think that I came behind them therein.” She accuses herself of loving play, and being froward: though few of her age were more mild and tractable, and loved work and a book better than she did.

She soon made her Catechism very familiar to her, and loved to hear and ask questions concerning the things of God. Before seven years old, she learnt to bear her part in the repetitions of the heads of sermons in the family, having the happiness of a very quick understanding, and a good memory.

When she was about eleven years old, she began to write sermons, and continued it all her days. What she wrote was good sense, well spelled, and the substance of a discourse. She kept her sermon-books very carefully, and in good ordci She very frequently looked over and conversed with what she had written long before. Read under her own hanfl the account of the days of her youth — “I soon learned” (saith she) “a course of external duties, and was pleased with the bare performance of the duty without looking at the manner how it was done; but at length, it pleased God, who separated me from my mother’s womb, to call me by his grace and reveal his Son in me. I cannot be punctual as to the time, but rather desire to make sure the thing. The merciful circumstances of this good work were, that it was done early in my days, and not attended with such pangs and terrors as some others endure. The Spirit of God convinced me and wrought on me by degrees. Many a time hath God spoken to me in a still small voice, and therein he considered my frame, but the less fine was paid at first, the greater rent I must expect to sit upon afterwards; perhaps the least terror the more doubts afterwards. I might tell (saith she) long stories of the goodness of God in discovering to me the infinite evil of sin, giving me to mourn over it, quickening me to duty, especially to make sure work about my foundation, enabling me to close sincerely with Jesus Christ, which I think I have done as well as I could, though never so well as I would. When God gave me some enlargements in holy duties, I rested much in them, and counted upon comfort and assurance; when, alas! I was not at all ready for it. But often times my secret duties were more long than fervent; more external than internal.” She complained to one of her sisters long after, that she found it was possible to lose much time even in the closet. Those that were intimate with her, could not however, but observe, not only how constant she was to secret worship, and how she abounded in it, but what a discernible pleasure and delight she took in it.

In the sixteenth year of her age, she was admitted to the Lord’s Supper, February 1084, and with a great deal of satisfaction both to herself and her father, joined herself to the Lord in an everlasting covenant never to be forgotten. After the second time of her approach to that ordinance, she made this remark of her spiritual state: “I now fell into a very dull and lifeless frame. Drowsiness prevailed much: it was very grievous to me, and after many foils by it, I resolved, with tears, never to yield to it. Hovi I got out of this frame I cannot tell, but this I know — that it was the work of the grace of God. It was a great hinderance to my progress in religion, that I did not open the case of my soul to those that were able to advise me; which proceeded from my reservedness, and has cost me dear. But this I did seriously promise to one that will be a witness against me if I lie, that whereas there are those who make excuses for non-attendance at the Gospel feast, I will not be excused.” Afterwards she thus writes —” I was very full of complaints, and empty of praises. I had great supports, but few suavities; some sweet sabbaths and sacraments, but very many damps to my joys. Sin was exceedingly odious to me, and I remembered, with shame, how I had stifled convictions, and how careless and indifl’erent I had been in matters of religion; how pride and passion had most easily beset me; and how often God had called by his word and I would not hear. The place where I was planted was a vineyard, but it grieved me to think how I had cumbered the ground by my barrenness; yea, brought forth wild grapes by relative miscarriages, and other sins, both of omission and commission; blessed be God that which I did I allowed not; with my mind I served the law of God, and delighted in it after the inner man. I esteemed holiness above any thing in the world, and had chosen God for my portion. I smarted greatly for some tongue-sins: some untrue words, though not devised, yet spoken in haste, through inadvertency, were as a sharp sword in my bowels, and my bones were broken, through my own carelessness. The spirit of bondage long prevailed sadly; it cannot be expressed what straitness of spirit I found; how the wings of faith were dipt, and how the tempter conquered me. But when the sorrow of my spirit even tied my tongue, yet I loved to be alone before God, to be looked on by him; and many a time hath he had pity. I cannot say that ever he was wanting to me, but made all grace to abound towards me. His word has been a means of conviction, of quickening, of comfort to me many a time, and I have found it sweeter than honey, or the honey-comb. He restored my soul, he led me in the paths of holiness for his name’s sake. It pleased God, some time after this, to make me more than ever sensible of the insufficiency of my own righteousness to justify me, and to show me my need of Christ, and his fulness: so that I counted all things but loss that I might win Christ and be found in him. Thus did the Lord, many a time, wait to be gracious to me, when I was like him who said, * Why should I wait for the Lord any longer V At length the Holy Spirit, who came to convince the world, was pleased, (as at a certain time I was verily persuaded) to convince me of these ten things, viz.

1. That God is my chiefest good, and that to know, love, and serve him, is my honour and happiness; the greatest I am capable of.

2. That Jesus Christ came into the world to save sinners; that he is able and willing to save me, and there is salvation in no other.

3. That religion is the most amiable, pleasant, and beneficial thing in the world.

4. That much of the power of godliness consists in the great duties of self-denial, and mortification.

5. That I have sinned and come short of the glory of God, and am undone without Christ.

6. That the favour of God is better than life.

7. That sin is the worst of evils, exceeding sinful; and evil, and an only evil.

8. That there will be no getting to heaven without much pains and difficulty.

9. That I shall never be a loser by doing my duty.

10. That I am infinitely obliged to God who hath wrought these things in me.”

“Now,” saith she in her papers, “I fear I did every day act contrary to these convictions, not keeping up a continual watch over myself; but commonly my daily failings passed not without sad reflections. I was solicitous to make sure my being joined to the Lord in an everlasting covenant, and thereupon I did vocally do it in Mr. Alleine’s form of words; and did also subscribe with my hand to the Lord; which remains as a witness against me if I be false to it. Renouncing the world and the flesh, I did cleave to God in Christ alone as my sovereign Lord and Ruler; my chiefest good and highest end; and I never repented it, only that I did it no better. God was pleased sometimes gently to correct me by distempers of body, but in much mercy; for I had been as a bullock unaccustomed to the yoke, knowing neither how to want nor how to abound; yet now I see he works all for good, and do purpose, by his grace, to be well pleased with every thing that happens to me, because it is the will of God.”

In a paper written in the year 1688, she thus mentions the advantages of her education: — “I was born of one who had the honour to be of that office who are the messengers of the Churches, and the glory of Christ. (2 Cor. viii. 13.) A labourer in the vineyard; though thrust out by men, yet at work in season and out of season: and being it was so, my education was accordingly — in the nurture and admonition of the Lord.

“As I grew up I have strained at gnats and swallowed camels, often falling into sin.

I did not prefer the word of God’s mouth to my necessary food. My own iniquity prevailed, that is, flesh-pleasing in food and apparel, and sinful bashfulness in profitable questions.” “Yet,” she adds, “one evidence of my love to God is love to the sabbath-day. It is the best day of the week to me. I am glad when it draws near; I feel the want of it before it comes. Another evidence is, mean thoughts of the world; my age exposes me to the contrary temptations: but whom have I in heaven but thee? and I would get above it. The promise-performing God has begun to perform that promise to me, (Romans vi. 14.) ‘Sin shall not have dominion.’ Pride, that tympany of the soul, by the applications of the Heavenly Physician, is begun to be cured, though but begun. Psalm ciii. 2. ‘Who healeth all thy diseases.’ Vain thoughts compass me about like bees. I am stung with them. My pride appears in my thoughts, pleasing myself with my own sayings and doings. O that I could say as David, Psalm, cxxxi. 1. ‘Lord, my heart is not haughty.’ She observes once after a Sacrament, “I thought that the Apostle’s method was taken. Let a man examine himself and so cat; yet dull, lifeless, and unbelieving.”

“March 28, 1G89. I was very proud, given to pleasure, with the neglect of God; and it does find me out; ’ for they that observe lying vanities forsake their own mercies.’

She mentions her father’s particular advice to her to look to secret duty. Keep up that whatever you do, nothing will prosper without it; all grace grows, as love to the word of God grows.

This collection of her experiences she drew up when she was about nineteen years old, but, I believe, never any one beside herself saw it, or knew a tittle of it till after her death. For the top of her ambition was to be accepted of that God who sees in secret. Any one that hath read these lines, which were the easy and natural product of her pen, and of a-piece with her discourses, will say, There is something more in them than is usually found in such tender years; and will wish she had been more large and copious in the account.

She wrote also her Father’s Exposition of the Scriptures in the family very judiciously; and made use of them in her private reading of the Bible. She gave herself much to the reading of good books, yet not neglecting the usual employment of her sex and place. Mr. Clarke’s last volume of Lives she read again and again with much pleasure, and was well versed in it: and ready, upon all occasions, to produce pertinent and profitable passages out of that and other good books for the edilication of others: she was able, with the good householder, to bring out of her treasury thintrs new and old. She made a larrre collection, in writing, of what she met with most remarkable in her reading.

How amiable and exemplary her deportment was in all relations! — as a daughter, as a sister, as a friend, they who knew her can easily bear record: and, though it never appeared to the discouragement of the rest, yet it could not but be discerned that Mr. Henry had a special dear love for his little Nancy, and sometimes said she was the diamond in his ring.

In the twentieth year of her age she was married to Mr. John Hulton, a tradesman in Chester, April 26, 1688; and she was equally yoked. On that occasion, her father selected as a topic for advice, Eph. v. 24, 25. ‘Therefore as the church is subject unto Christ, &c.*

And thus pleasantly remarked; — ‘I am loth to invert the apostle’s method and order, and, therefore, shall keep to that. Though the husband be the superior, and have the pre-eminence in other things, he must not be offended, if his wife go before him learning her duty. The church (that is, of the first-born, considered as such, all the true saints in the world) is subject to Christ. He is owned by them as their Lord and Ruler, both in word and deed. They have learned to deny their own wills, whereinsoever they come in competition with his, both as to what they must have, and as to what they must do. Now just thus, in like manner, are wives to be subject to their own husbands. It is called reverence, 1 Peter iii. Their speech is to be accordingly, 1 Peter iii. 5, 6. They are to be obedient to their lawful commands and appointments. I am unwilling to call them commands, unless in a soft sense, 1 Peter iii. 6. They are to be patient under their rebukes; be never both angry together, 1 Peter iii. 4, 5. Thus God will have it; your place requires it, 1 Tim. ii. 12, 13, 14. Gen. iii. 16. You will have most comfort when it is so. Observe one caution, — it must be in the Lord, not absolutely and universally without exception, but, — in the Lord.

‘Husbands must learn to love their wives, by Christ’s love to his church, that was, a sincere, upright, unfeigned love; a special, singular, superlative love; a permanent, abiding, and fruitful love. The husband should show his affection to his wife, by dwelling with her, by bearing her infirmities, by going in and out before her, by guiding her way, and providing all things that arc fit for her.’

Take the account of that turn of her life in her own words, in the continuation of the afore-mentioned papers: —

“After nineteen years barrenness in the place where I first sprung up, God was pleased, by his providence, to put me into the married state, and transplant me into a new soil. It was an affair I thought of great weight, and I was much afraid of seeking great things for myself in this world therein. When I press it upon my conscience, I cannot but acknowledge that I did therein commit my way unto the Lord, and did lay myself before him as white paper, for him to write his will upon me; and, accordingly, his Providence brought it to a comfortable issue, afler much distraction of mind about it.”

April 21, 1C9S, (a few days before licr marriage) she thus writes: — “I did set myself before the Lord to repent of all the sins of my single state; and if sin were never bitter before, I think it was exceedingly bitter then, and, through grace, I did then renew my hold of God as mine.”

Soon after this, she removed to Chester. “That morning,” she writes, “reading alone, in course (Exodus iii.) of Moses’ objections against going on God’s errand, I was much comforted by God’s answer, ver. 12, * Certainly, I will be with thee.’ Applying that word to myself was very refreshing. Some time before this, reading Gen. xxviii. concerning Jacob’s vow, it affected me, and I then, with some seriousness, entered into a solemn promise, that if God would be with me, in that present way, and provide for me, and make the issue comfortable, that then he should be my God; creatures should not have the throne in my soul. I would be more watchful against sin, and be more diligent and careful in his service.”

Some weeks after her settlement at Chester she thus writes under the foregoing record of her solemn vow: — “Because deceit lies in generals, and because after particular foils by temptations my conscience reproaches me that it was for want of rcsokition, I now, in God’s name, go forth resolving, not only in general to serve the Lord in holiness and righteousness before him all the days of my life, but particularly, in the strength of Jesus Christ, I resolve against the following sins: — flesh-pleasing and inordinate appetites; passion and frowardness; drowsiness and weariness in the worship of God; despising others; thinking or speaking ill of any; self-conceit and pride; a lying tongue; all injustice in the calling wherein God hath put me; discontent in the condition allotted for me.”

“I do likewise, in the same strength, resolve upon the following duties: — self-denial; meekness; livehness in duty; reproving when there is opportunity; humility, and low thoughts of myself; truth, ecjuity, justice, and charity: in general, making conscience of all God’s commands.

Thus she set out in her new condition, and how strictly she adhered to the rules she laid down was very evident, as far as could fall under the observation of others. Sometime after, she thus writes: —” Because, through the necessity of my outward afiairs, my secret duties are commonly limited and contracted more than formerly, I have been ready to fear that I have decUned in grace, and left my first love. I am sensible of the prevalency of unbelief, and of God’s witiidrawings; but, though he slay me yet will I trust in him. I have this day promised seriously to spend some time every day in converse with God. I see in a trade the shop must be constantly attended, though, perhaps, for some time no profits come in; so I he trade of religion must still be followed, though there be not, for the present, any sensible comfort and benefit. In this place where God hath set me, he doth require of me,

1. That I get much knowledge and grace, because I have means for getting them.

2. That I be very humble, because my gifts are small, and my attainments poor, graces weak, and failings many.

S. That I be ready for death, because I see many funerals. And, because death at a distance did not affect me, it pleased God to bring it nigh me in the death of a near, and that a very dear relation, viz. sister Henry, February 14, 1G88-9. The quarrel God seemed to have with me therein was upon the account of relative sins, and the omission of relative duties; whereupon I endeavoured to repent of them, and renew my covenant in lliat matter. And, because that providence did not do the work for which it was sent, shortly after, another dear friend whom I loved as my own soul, was suddenly taken away (Mrs. Bradbury); the circumstances of her death beincj such as I was near fallinsj into myself, viz. child-bearing; it did much aflect me with cares and thouijhts about another world, which had been too little minded by me. After this Providence, I was threatened by the illness of my dear mother; upon her recovery, my sense of the mercy obliged me to promise to be more freely willing to resign to the will of God another time; and surely there is all the reason in the world, when the great God condescends to grant my request, that I should say. His will be done. Sin hath much prevailed. Omissions witness against me, and a constant remissness in my walking. I cannot answer for one of a thousand; but — help is laid upon one that is mighty.”

She became a mother, July 29, 1689, (but the child died in the birth); on which providence she thus writes: — “A day never to be forgotten; wherein I felt the bitter fruits of the sin of my grandmother Eve; that part of her sentence being fully fulfilled, ‘I will greatly multiply thy sorrow.’ ‘In sorrow thou shalt bring forth.’ The peril and danger was much greater than ordinary; so that, there was but a step between me and death. JMy flesh and heart were ready to fail, and friends ready to despair; but God became the strength of my heart, and my portion; and I trust he will be so for ever. But, behold, what have these sheep done 1 The innocent I cannot say, but the less guilty must die; O Adam, Adam! what hast thou done! My comforts are taken away before I had well received them: was it all lost labour’? Surely no; I have good hope that Heaven is something fuller for my babe. I shall go to her, but she shall not return to me. My God is instead of all to me; and were he not mine, sure it were impossible to bear up without sinking under those pains I endured, but the mercy swallowed up the affliction, and rejoiced against judgment. I often promised to love him, and to live to him; and I do it once more.”

From the consideration of this event, concerning her first child, she hath sometimes said, “What need mothers have to pray for their children before they are born.”

Iler next remark is, yVpril 20, 1690.” I sickened of the small-pox, and, though in perilous circumstances, yet was wonderfully brought through it: when I had received the sentence of death within myself, surely the Lord was ready to save me; and the mercies, the sweet mercies which I experienced in the affliction, I shall never forget.

“I may truly say with David, * Unless thy law had been my delight, I should then have perished in mine affliction.’ But God doth seem by his Providence to call me to be heavenly-minded; to be more humble; to take up with him as my happiness; to be less afraid of death; — to abound always in the work of the Lord. Thou hast in love to my soul delivered it from the pit of destruction, for thou hast cast all my sins behind thy back.” Isa. xxxviii. 17.

Li this illness, when she was asked how she did, her usual answer was, “I shall be well.”

June 29, 1691. “I received,” she writes,” special mercy from God, in answer to prayer. He was to me a present help, and did not only spare, but multiply, and gave me a living son, or rather, lent him to me for a while: and I have resigned him and myself to the will and disposal of our Heavenly Fa-MEMOmS OF MRS. HULTON. 2G9

thcr. How great is his goodness, and how great is his beauty! Zech. ix. 17. I look upon every sin, after such a mercy as this, (o be more deeply aggravated than before. — My great unprofitableness, under the means of grace, is that at the serious consideration of which my heart doth even melt, and my spirits sink; finding comfort in that Psalm, (ciii. 12.) ‘As far as the east is from the west, so far hath he removed my transgressions from me;’ — I thought, with joy, if it were so good for me to have my transgressions removed as far as the east is from the west, how much better would it be when they shall be removed as far from me as hell is from heaven.”

On a Sacrament-day, May 6, 1694, in which it seems she had more communion with God than ordinary, she thus writes: — “Forget not ever, O my soul! the sight that thou hast had this day from Pisgah’s mount of Canaan’s land. What shall I render to the Lord? I have, at the Lord’s table, seen my Redeemer as he was in his blood and sufferings; but shortly I hope to see him as he is, though not as I am. See to it then, O my soul! that thou purify thyself, even as he is j)ure.”

May 5, 1695, she thus writes: — “This last month past I have received great mercy from God in the recovery of both the children from the small-pox; the one brought into great peril, the other brought through imminent danger, by a fever which seized him about three weeks after the bei2;inning of the small-pox. What shall I render to the Lord for his great benefits? He hath been trying me whether I could freely give up my children, which I hope I having done, he turned the scale and restored them to me. God having corrected me by the child’s relapse, my own heart condemncth me for my own backslidings. Oh, that now I might remember whence I am fallen, and repent and do my first works! I have been this day shewing forth the Lord’s death, and renewing my covenant with him: surely it is meet to be said unto God, ‘I have borne chastisement, I will not offend any more.’ Amen, Amen.” November 19, 1695. In her confinement, after the birth of a child that died when nine days old, she thus writes: —” God hath of late been proving and trying me, to do me good in my latter end. I looked for peace but beheld trouble. My house not made to grow; but the Lord who gave quickly took away again, adored be the name of the Lord.

And now, what doth the Lord my God require? My greatest concern is to improve this providence. God hath (and so have I) been calHng my sin to remembrance, that I may be humbled under his mighty hand, and cleave closer to him in love, dependence, and resolution; lor even this is performed tor me, and what have I to shew now for my interest in him and relation to him? Is not my hope a groundless hope? I do not ground it upon myself and my own righteousness, but Jesus Christ is he, concerning whom I say, ‘Whom have I in heaven but thee V

March 1, lODG. “Dare not, my soul, to deny that thou hast this day met w’ith thy God at his table. Silence, thou loud and clamorous unbelief. Never open thy mouth any more. God is willing to be mine, and who can say against it? For, if he will work, who can let it 1 Only remember, that having received Christ Jesus the Lord, I must walk in him.”

Thus far goes her paper of experience, in which she seems to have given vent to her thoughts when they were more than usually enlarged. And if such as this was her converse with God, it will be of use to inquire what was her conversation in the world.

Not to mention the common characters of all the saints, which appeared eminently in her, nor the careful discharge of the duties of her jiarticular relation; there are some things which have been observed concerning her, which were peculiarly exemplary and instructive.

1. That though she was so constant in her secret worship, and took so much delight in her closet work, yet she ordered it with so much discretion, that it did not interfere with nor hinder her from, any needful attendance upon her worldly affairs — in the house or shop. Every thing is beautiful in its season: and there is a way of abiding with God, and serving the Lord Christ in the particular calling wherein we are called, as well as in his immediate worship. The virtuous woman will look well to the ways of her household, and yet not neglect the ways of her heart.

2. That she was very industrious to promote the family worship in all the parts of it; contriving for it in its season, that nothing might put it out of time; calling to it; being ready to attend on it; and careful to prevent all disturbance in it. If inferior relations would thus do their part, it would be a great help to the master of the family in the discharge of his duty. In licr husband’s absence she carefully and constantly performed all the parts of family worship herself. It being their custom to pray together morning and evening, she frequently prayed with him. She prayed much for their children, and carefully instructed them in the things of God as they grew capable. Her tender care of two orphans, the relations of her husband, which the providence of God brought into their family, was very remarkable, especially her great concern for their spiritual welfare.

3. That she was very few of her words, not only in making of bargains, but in her converse; swift to hear and slow to speak: but when she did speak it was with wisdom, and to the purpose. She was like the still waters which run deep but make no noise. One might observe in all her discourse, that she thought twice before she spoke once; and so prevented a deal of that guilt and grief which attend the multitude of words. Her sy)ecch was always with grace. She breathed forth a religious air in her common converse; and usually expressed herself in her converse with her friends in Scripture language. The word of God dwelt richly in her, and, by the Divine blessing on her great diligence in reading the Scriptures and other good books, (which was her daily practice) she acquired a good stock of Scrij)ture knowledge; out of which treasury she readily brought forth things new and old, which rendered her conversation both pleasing and profitable.

4. That she preserved an evenness and composure of spirit under all events; one should seldom or never see her ruffled or disturbed by any provocation, lifted up with any joy, or cast down with any sorrow; but, whatever happened to weigh down one scale, her wisdom and grace suggested something to put in the other scale to keep the balance even. Upon the death of her father, an affliction that went so near her heart, how calmly did she apply those words of Thomas to his fellow disciples when I>azarus was dead, * Let us go and die with him.’

5. That she was very cheerful in her converse, and was far from that sourness and melancholy which some good people indulge themselves in to the reproach of their profession; she made it to appear that she found the ways of wisdom pleasantness.

6. She was very charitable to the poor, and stretched forth her hand to the needy. She was always very careful not to make the poor at her door stay long for their alms, for in that time, she would say, they might get another aims elsewhere. She loved to visit the godly poor, when they were sick, and discourse with them, and relieve them. She was one that devised liberal things, and sought opportunities of doing good.

7. On the Lord’s Day she commonly had her heart much enlarged in rejoicing and thanksgiving, and she used to refresh herself much on that day with singing of psalms alone at the time of vacancy from other duties.

8. She was very forward to promote works of piety and charity, and to stir up others thereto. Her zeal herein provoked many; she delighted in opportunities of shewing kindness to others, and was very courteous in her behaviour towards all.

9. She was very frugal of her time, and was observed by those about her to be continually employed.