Chapter XI

IN the early part of 8th mo. 1864, Alice
accompanied her brother-in-law and Sister
Carrie on a trip to the White Mountains,
and St John, N.B., of which the following

letters speak.

“Revere House, Boston, Aug. 8, 1864.

...” I come again to talk with my little

S, but it is not in the gray morning. light on the

steamboat, but under the brilliant chandelier of a brilliant drawing-room, in this dear old Yankee city. How entirely separate from the world does this make me feel! I feel particularly to-night as a ‘stranger and a pilgrim, who has no part with the world in its vanities, for such sweet rest in Jesus is in my heart. How good of the Lord to give me this!

“I pray that He may keep my eyes from turning to gaze upon earthly objects, for I know that just as truly as one look at Christ dispels the clouds of earth, just so one backward longing look dims the brightness I now see in the things which are eternal!

...” The disappointment is quite lost in the thought that He whom our soul loveth is having

His way about it. Can we not say in little things, as well as great ones, ‘God’s will is sweetest when it triumphs at our cost? ‘I think we can.”

“St John Boat, 8th mo. 18th.
” Dearest Mother, —

“Our trip to the White Mountains was a perfect success. We had a most delightful time, and I do not like to think it is all over; but I am sure I shall never forget those splendid views. Oh, they are grand! more beautiful than anything I ever saw before.

“H seems to be enjoying himself very much,

and it is no doubt doing him good. He and Frank are a pair, they do have such fun together. I think it has improved Frank very much; he is not half the little mischief he was at home. He is a great amusement to persons we meet; he makes such old-fashioned speeches, and talks so wisely about matters and things.

“H and I went up Mount Washington on

horseback from Crawford’s. It was thoroughly enjoyable; not too warm on the way, nor too cold on top. The views going up were magnificent, but it grew misty toward the top, and we did not see much from its stormy summit but a sea of fog, with here and there a dim outline of a lofty mountain range, faintly shadowing forth what it would have been had it been clear.

“I am very glad we ascended Mount Lafayette, and had such a fine view from there, as we were disappointed at Washington.

“8th mo. 21st. Here we are safely in St John, after a most prosperous voyage from Portland. The sea was as smooth as a mill-pond, and we were none of us at all sick.

.. *” Annie was perfectly delighted to see us.n Charley and Xan have changed very little, and as for ‘Toots,’ he is just as sweet and cunning as he can be. He calls Marion ’ baby, but looks at her rather suspiciously when his mamma takes too much notice of her; but on the whole seems to like her very much, and gives her ’ um-a-num-a-nee,5 as he calls water, out of his ’ sil-cup,’ of which he is very fond.

“Charley and Frank have splendid times together, and play in the nicest manner possible. Charley is a dear boy; he is still as much of a comfort to his mother as ever. Frank too has had on his good cap ever since we started fr»m home; and as for May, she is as sweet as ever, and that is saying a great deal when it is old maid Aunty that speaks.”

“St John, Aug. 21, 1S64.

“Dear S —

...” I have been praying much for you, that you may be kept moment by moment, and led step by step upward and onward. The hand that is leading the way can never fail nor make a mistake. I never

so fully understood A. S ’s piece, where she alludes

to our journey,

1 Up the steep mountain side,
Where we must follow,
Slow where we fain would soar;
That step by step, thus onward,
Our Guide must go befoj-e,’

MEMOIR OF ALICE B. Willi ALL. 207

until I saw the full force of the illustration in our journey up the rugged and rocky sides of Washington and Lafayette. It is ‘a slow thing,’ as the guide remarked, this climbing a steep mountain, and cannot be done in a minute; but it is only a step at a time, after all, and the way is simple if you have a good guide with you, and do not turn to look backward and downward, and become dizzy, as I did several times, before I learned to look up, and not be afraid.

... “Indeed, there was much that was teaching to me in our journey, and much to enjoy, which I did not anticipate. The mountains are far more wonderfully grand and sublime than I expected, and speak so powerfully of the might and majesty of Him who created them with His word — of Him upon whose encircling arm we rest — that it was sweet to gaze and wonder and adore, while thinking of the love that made all this our own.”

“St John, Sept. 3, 1864.... The glorious rays of the ‘Sun of Righteousness ’ indeed make glad the heart, and brighten the life, as no earthly sunshine

ever can. Is it not strange, dear S, that we

should ever hang our heads to earth, when there is always such brightness above to gaze upon and delight ourselves in? ‘Delight thyself in the Lord, and He shall give thee the desire of thy heart. Commit thy way unto the Lord: trust also in Him, and he shall bring it to pass.’

“That verse of A. L. Waring has been such a comfort to me to-day, and has seemed so new — ‘Father, I know that all my life

Is portiofied out for me,
And the changes that are sure to come

1 do not fear to see;
But I ask thee for a present mind.

Intent on pleasing Thee?

... “If loneliness and heartaches did not come, the joy and peace of resting an aching heart upon Jesus never could come either.”

“TSWEDELLE, Nov. 1 864.

“Dearest H, —

...” I am praying that the Lord will show me just what will please Him best, for that I want to do. ... I have experienced all the mortification of feeling myself looked upon as self-righteous and a religious fanatic.,.. Dear H, I do not believe thee caji understand how keenly I feel this mortification of the flesh, for to thee I do not believe it would be any trial at all; but I am not like thee; I do like to be thought well of, and, in short, to be respectable. However, it gives me a chance of bearing for the Lord’s sake, and I do absolutely enjoy doing it for Him, more perhaps than if I felt it less. Surely heavenly strangers upon the earth should not have any fear of man. I can only trust the Lord to deliver me from it,

... “My heart longs so for thee and thy strengthening influence. Satan is so strong and I am so weak; but there is One who dwelleth in me who is all-sufficient, and I try to remember it, but we do love outward supports so much; at least my old nature does.

“One thing I want to ask thee, whether thou thinks our Lord loves all His children alike, or whether He gives to those who walk with Him, in His fellowship and communion, a peculiar tenderness of affection. I have thought this was at least implied in some of the texts under our heading — ‘Peculiar blessings promised to obedient children,’ for instance, John xiv. 21: ‘He shall be loved of my Father, and I will love him.’ But the other day, when I suggested the thought, the person with whom I was speaking was shocked at the idea that God loves some of His children more than others, and thought it entirely inconsistent with the doctrine of free grace, which teaches us that God loves us freely, with a perfect love.”

“Dec. 3, 1864. ... As for myself, all that I have been living upon is that same old 23d Psalm. ‘The Lord is my shepherd,’ I say to myself many times a day. When we yield to His leadings, it is by still waters that He leadeth us, and into green pastures.”

“Feb. 8, 1865.... But, after all, as Luther says, ‘God still reigns,’ and God is God, and strange and dark and wrong as anything may seem to us, down in the depths of our hearts we know that He has done just what is right. And this is our only resting-place. God is all-powerful, and He ca?inot err. Our Bible tells us this; it says, ‘He doeth according to His will in the army of heaven and amongst the inhabitants of the earth, and none can stay His hand, or say unto Him, What doest Thou?’”

“March 1865.... I feel as though it would be all fixed by the same loving hand that never denies

o me anything I want, unless it is absolutely necessary. It is so sweet that He sympathises with all our desires and longings, for He is human as well as divine, and He knoweth our frame, He remembereth that we are dust.’ Then if He does deny us anything, we know that it was absolutely necessary for our good that He should do it.”

“Sabbath morning. ... I know that in many phases of our inner life we must fight and suffer alone: ‘Fight and suffer alone,’ did I say? I know you will understand what I mean, but I cannot let it stand unqualified, for it is too blessed a thought that we can never be alone — without Jesus.

“I have been feasting on that lovely passage this morning, ‘Neither life, nor death, nor angels, nor principalities, nor powers, nor things present, nor things to come, nor height, nor depth, nor any other creature, shall be able to separate us from the love of God, which is in Christ Jesus, our Lord.’ These words came over me with as much freshness as if I had never heard them before. Oh, what an inexpressible comfort it is to know that whatever comes, although the heart may ache, and the storms pass over our heads, yet nothing can rob us of the rest we have in Christ!”

““We rest in Christ, trie Son of God,
Who took the servant’s form,
His love is our abiding-place,
And refuge from the storm.

“At peace with God, no ills we dread.
In Christ is our repose;
Our life is hid with Him in God,
Secure from all our foes.”

Tswedelle, 1865.... What and if the world is dark! This is not our home; we are not here to enjoy the world. We come as pilgrims and strangers, in reality, and not only in song, to do His will who sent us, even as Jesus came to do His Father’s will, and then ascended to joy above. That we cannot see anything pleasant before us and around us in life, ought not to discourage us, seeing it will not in the slightest degree make it harder to be entirely devoted to the service of God. On the contrary, it will make it much easier to set our affections on things above, and not on things on the earth!”

In the early part of the sixth month Alice left home to visit some relatives in Brooklyn, and from there went to Newport. At each of these places she very much enjoyed attending some of the sittings of the New York and New England yearly meetings, then in session.

“Brooklyn, June 10, 1865.
” Dear Carrie, —

...” On fourth day I went over to meeting in the morning. It was a meeting for worship, and a very interesting one.... After several sermons arose and spoke very sweetly, saying

that she had been praying that the whole gospel might be preached that morning, the forgiveness of sins through a crucified Redeemer, as well as the bearing of the cross. Then followed a lovely prayer

from some one I did not know, and then R. D

arose, and we did indeed have the glad tidings of the gospel preached....

“I went in the afternoon to the regular yearly meeting, and was much edified; the feeling of love and unity was so sweet. It only held three hours and a quarter! I came home pretty tired, thou may

imagine, and found F and L. B here to see

me....

11 The next morning I went to see B. C, and

found her daughter H ?s little boy, just Marion’s

age, dying of cholera infantum. He was in his cradle,

close by B. C ’s bed. He looked so sweet, and

reminded me so much of baby Alice, that I could not take my eyes off from him. His dear little dimpled fat hands and soft light curls made me just realise, as I never did before, how we should feel if our little pet lamb were lying at the point of death. Do take especial care of her till I get back. I cannot tell thee how I lonsr to see her: kiss her a dozen times for me, and tell her Aunt Alice is going to bring her something when she comes home. Ask her what she thinks it is; a little white sugar lambie on a cake, won’t that be nice?”

A peculiarly tender tie existed between Alice and the little niece spoken of in the above letter. From her earliest infancy her Aunt Alice had claimed half the proprietorship of this little one, and her parents felt that their precious child was rich indeed in the wealth of affection thus lavished upon her, as well as in the sweet example daily before her in her “own Aunt Alice,” as she so often called her.

“New Bedford, June 14, 1S65.
” My Dear S , —

“You see by the date I am at New Bedford. My visit to Newport is over, and seems most wonderfully like a dream. The beautiful views of grand old rocky shore, and grander ocean, the long avenue of splendid country seats, and the crowded hotel life, all seem unreal, and blend and run into one another, like the reflections on the surface of a rippled stream.

“The life here seems very quiet by comparison, but none the less pleasant. This morning we have been reading aloud Gail Hamilton’s last book, ‘A New Atmosphere.’ I like what I have read of it very much. She says some things which I have at times fairly gasped to give utterance to, but never before had the satisfaction of seeing put in words.... Did you know that those who know her say she is a very religious character?

“But enough of this. I want to tell you about my text for to-day. ‘This charge I commit unto thee,

.. that thou mightest war a good warfare, holding faith, and a good co?iscie?ice, which some having put away, concerning faith have made shipwreck, I do not think I have ever sufficiently considered the subject of a good or clear conscience before, and it has come home very clearly to me to-day as being connected so closely with faith. Notice 1 John hi. 21-23, how they are joined. A good conscience is a thing we always ought to, and might possess by faith, and still the fact which my heart is obliged to confess is that I do not always have it I want to think and pray more about this subject, and understand it better.”

2T4 ON THE ROCK: jet. 26.

During the visit to Newport referred to in the above letter, Alice had some conversation, on her way to a first day school conference, with a gentleman to whom she had just been introduced. Finding that he was a first day school teacher, she spoke with much earnestness upon the objects of such teaching, and that nothing short of the conversion of his scholars should satisfy the teacher. She soon found that her companion had no settled confidence that his own sins were forgiven through the mercy of a crucified Redeemer, and she tried to set forth the gospel of the grace of God as fully as the time would allow. No other opportunity offered for conversing with him on the subject, but he was much laid on her heart in prayer, and after her return to Tswedelle she wrote him, enclosing a list of texts on this important subject. The Lord opened his heart to receive the blessed truth which it was Alice’s privilege thus to set before him, and after some correspondence and further conversation on the subject at Tswedelle, he was enabled to rejoice in conscious acceptance with God through Christ his Saviour.

In enclosing the following letter, he writes: — 11 Many times since I first met Alice at Newport have I blessed God that He turned her steps toward New England. The recollection of my first acquaintance with her will ever remain the most impressive of any era in my life.... Never in my brief experience have I met with a person who could so forcibly and clearly state the great plan of redeeming love, as could that dear sainted girl.... She placed the truth as it is in Jesus so powerfully before my mind that eternity cannot efface it.”

“TsWEDELLE, July 12, 1S65.

“My Dear Friend, —

...” It seems to me a fearfully solemn thing to be drifting down life’s stream, with the question of our soul’s position before God wrapped in a mist of uncertainty; for it is not uncertain whose we are, however we may feel about it, for there is no middle ground, no such thing as being ’ partially a Christian.’ We are either Christians, washed and accepted of God, through the blood of the Lamb — or else we are not Christians, not forgiven, not reconciled to God.

“Many, through unbelief or indifference, or a fearful educational error, settle down satisfied not to know where they stand. That it is not the will of our Heavenly Father that we should be in this state is plainly manifest. We are told, ‘Examine yourselves whether ye be in the faith.’ Again we are told in John, ‘These things I write unto you that believe on the name of the Son of God, that ye may know that ye have eternal life.’ He does not say ’ that ye may hope some day to have it,’ but ’ that ye may knozo that ye have eternal life.’

“The realisation, however, that it is not only our privilege but our duty to have an assured confidence toward God, does not lessen the feeling of the importance of having this confidence founded on something which will stand the great judgment day. He who has a false hope is as badly off as he who has no hope at all. But, thanks be unto our Heavenly Father, He has made the true ground for confidence so plain and easy to be understood that a child may see it, and distinguish the difference between it and the false as easily as he can see a difference between rock and sand.

“Some persons imagine that their peace is made with God because they have dedicated themselves to Him. They have been roused to see the importance of their eternal interests, and have made up their minds to serve God with their whole strength, by the aid of the Holy Spirit, and therefore they think they have become Christians. But will this bear the test? Does God promise to save us because of our dedication to His service, or to forget our past offences because of our good resolves for the future, even if these good resolves are not broken? This confidence is not founded on Christ and His promises, but on our own efforts and the aid of the Holy Spirit. Such persons make our Lord Jesus Christ ’ a helper,’ not ‘a Saviour.’ But Jesus never promised to help any man to save himself. Such a thing would be a practical denial of His work of atonement finished eighteen hundred years ago.

“He does indeed proclaim that ’ the gift of God is eternal life; ’ that He has paid the ransom money; that He has become ’ the Lamb of God that taketh away the sin of the world.’ This is ’ glad tidings ’ to the truly convicted one, who feels that he cannot do anything acceptable in the sight of an all-pure God, and that unless dealt with in pure mercy he can never be saved. It is by accepting what the Saviour has done for us, not by doing anything for Him, that we are to be saved.

“It is the duty as well as the privilege of the Christian to make an intelligent surrender of himself to his Saviour, but it comes as the consequence, not the cause, of his conversion. Man would reverse God’s order, which is salvation first and service afterwards.

“If we notice the ’ therefores ’ of the New Testament, we shall find that they are almost always an exhortation to earnestness in service, based on the possession of salvation. ‘Ye are bought with a price, therefore glorify God in your body and in your spirit, which are His/

“As an eminent Christian once said, ‘We have nothing to do in order to be saved, but a great deal to do because we are saved.’ “...

In the fall of this year Alice went to St John, to visit her sister Annie. In relation to this visit she writes: —

..” I never remember having felt so badly at leaving home before, but after a while a strong feeling came over me that the Lord had some especial work to accomplish by me in this journey. I cannot tell you how sweetly and solemnly it came. Of course I do not know what, or when, or how; but it is sweet to know that though

‘I know not the way I am going-,
Yet well do I know my Guide.’

Oh, that I may keep my hand close in His, and ever be on the watch-tower! There is something so very sad in the thought that we may, if not watchful, let the opportunities God throws in our way of glorifying Him slip by unnoticed.”

“St John, Sept. 14, 1S65.
” My Dear S , —

...” I would like to tell you about Thomas

Frederick F, who has completely stolen my heart

just now. He is the laughing little beauty and mischief of the family. I would not dare to begin to tell of the funny speeches he makes, or my last page would be gone before I knew it. He is very charming, but I do not feel that he takes the place of my little lambie Marion, they are so totally different....

“I did not get any further than Salem in telling you of our journey; yet that, to me, seems the smallest part of it. We went from there to Portland in the cars, and about five o’clock went on board the boat for St John. The sun was just setting as we left the harbour, and the broad ocean spread out before us. Mother and I sat on the forward deck, admiring the clouds, which were glorious, and the rosy dreamland light, which added an unearthly beauty to the scene.

“While I watched, as I dearly love to, the soft line of the horizon, where the sea and sky meet, broken only by the white sail of some distant ship, all my enthusiasm was kindled, and I felt my spirits rise to almost a sublime ecstasy. I drew my breath softly, not to break the spell that seemed to raise me nearer heaven. But alas! alas! as H. B. Stowe says, ‘The one step from the sublime to the ridiculous is never taken with such alacrity as at sea! ‘Just as a beautiful white sea-gull came floating near, to add still another charm to the scene, we became painfully aware that the ’ stiff breeze ’ which had made old ocean so beau-MEMOIR OF ALICE B. Will TAIL. 2 1 9

tiful, with its myriad white-capped waves, had made it ’ rather roi/g/i,’ as the captain said, and we mutuallyagreed ’ that we had better go in.’ Ah! that ‘going in ’ is significant. Suffice it to say; that was the end of all sentiment for that night!

“Next day, toward evening, it seemed calmer, and

I sat on deck for an hour, to see the beautiful rocky coast we were passing. The sunset was accompanied with as rich a wealth of clouds as the night before, and this time I could enjoy it.”

“St John, October 8, 1S65.

II My Dearest Carrie, —

...” I have just returned from the stone

church, where we had a lovely sermon from Mr S,

the simple glad tidings spoken from a loving heart. It did me good, and I felt that it must any who took it into their hearts..

“Yesterday Mrs B came in the morning to ask

us to go to drive with her in the afternoon and get some ferns; she was so delighted with our fernery that she wanted one at once. So she bought an elegant large glass shade, and about half-past one o’clock yesterday afternoon we went — mother, Annie, Mrs B,

Charley, and myself, forming the party — in their open carriage. We went to Lily Lake, and rambled about for two hours on the beautiful hills which surround it. In the woods it was one sheet of moss and ferns, and the lovely little views we came out upon every once in a while were charming. There was such a beautiful rosy light over the distant hills, and the little quiet lake, nestled among the peaked firs, looked so calm and peaceful.

“We rambled a great distance, and you should have seen us returning to the carriage with our treasures!

“Mrs B would have us go back to their house

to dinner at seven o’clock, which we did, and spent the evening very pleasantly, arranging the fernery.”

“Tswedelle, Dec. 31, 1S65.

“My Dear B. C —

“I too felt that my last visit to you was not all I wanted that it should be, but I enjoyed meeting the Jewish brother in Christ; and as the One who planned it ’ doeth all things well,’ I felt it must be for the best.

...” I cannot tell you how nice it was to see your handwriting again, and to know that I have been ’ much on your mind.’ I have not been sick, however; on the contrary, I never was better in body in my life.

“AS to the spiritual life, what can I say, but that I am a poor sinner resting on Christ? I think that expresses it all. Self — sinful, weak, unfaithful; Christ — loving, tender, faithful!

‘Jesus, sun and. shield art Thou,

Sun and shield for ever,
Never shalt Thou cease to shine,
Cease to guard us never! ’

“I have just come up from Sunday-school, where

I have been telling my scholars about Jesus’ love,

and it seems to me I never felt it so great and sweet

before.

‘Oh, to grace how great a debtor,
Daily I ‘m constrained to be! ’

... “You kindly ask after Ernest. He is growing a large boy, and I think a very nice one, although not at all handsome or brilliant in any way. I hope he will make a good man, which is far better.”

To M. M. J.

“Millville, Feb. II, 1S66.

“My Dear Little M, —

... “The prayer that God may keep you clinging very closely to Himself, and shelter you under the sweet shadow of His wing, has sprung from my heart for you very often. Trust Him in everything, dear M, as you have begun, and He will sustain you, and bring you out victorious over all your rousrh billows. ‘None of them that trust in Him shall be desolate.’ ‘Be of good courage, and He shall strengthen thine heart.’

“I have been miserable for two days, but feel much better to-night, and am going to try to go to Bible-class....

...” Surely our Father is plenteous in mercy. I have been thinking all day of this text: ‘Can a woman forget her sucking child, that she should not have compassion on the son of her womb? Yea, she may forget, yet will I not forget thee.’

) )y

“Tswedelle, Feb. 18, 1866.
“Dear Friend, —

...” I hope that you may be a blessing to those around you. Were it not that I know how strong He is whose arm is about you, I should be almost afraid of the Unitarian influence upon you; it is so insidious, and works away in the dark before you know that it is having any effect upon you. The only way is to keep so near Jesus all the time that it cannot touch you. He is our ’ hiding-place ’ from every temptation, as well as from every snare, trouble, or sorrow. It has seemed to me the last few days that His love is perfectly wonderful. Why should He love us so when we are so unworthy?

... “Last Saturday was father’s birthday. Mother had a large turkey of her own raising roasted, and, as it was a bright day, Carrie and the chits came over to dinner, and we had quite a pleasant time. My cap made its first appearance duly, at the dinner table, on dear father’s head. Frank wrote him a nice letter, with a great deal of exertion, and enclosed his photograph, which he had taken especially for the occasion, and which was a perfect surprise to his grandpa.

...” If this letter is not readable, you must excuse it for Marion’s sake. She stayed with me last night, and has been doing her best to make me give more attention to her than to my letter. She insists on my holding her doll for her, and puts all her play-things, one after another, on my writing-pad for me to look at, which is all very charming, but does not agree with letter-writing.

“And now I must go, as the carriage is here for me to take this to the P.O., and visit those two poor sick women, both of whom I believe you know.

“May God ever bless and keep you by His own mighty power, and in His most tender love.”...