The Examination of a Man's Heart and Life
Concerning the eaiamination qf a man’s heart and life; the reasonableness advantages and necessity of it. Some directions and advice concerning the time and manner, That xve may know in what preparedness we are for eternity..
I AM hastening every year, every day, to the period of this life: I must shortly appear before my glorious Judge, and experience those terrors or com.- forts, this blessedness or misery, which I have now read of. Shall I not therefore inquire which of the tvo belongs to me? Is it not worth considering whither I must go, and how I shall fare, when I quit this body? what is like to be my next habitation? to which of the two unchangeable states I shall be adjudged?. Shall an inquiry of so much consequence be put o£F to an indefinite hereafter? Do I. not desire to know the worst, while a remedy may be found? Or, am I content to die, through an unwillingness to discover that I am sick? The question to be resolved is of infinite weight.. Shall I not spend a few hours to know what will become of me for ever? An error is more than possible, it is. easy to. mistake; and the hazard of doing so is unspeakably gre&U. How many tVvouaalidA “gtv eternally, even under the light of the gol, who never suspected their danger! How ordinary, hoir common, a thing is it for men to be thus deceived! how successful is the devil in this stratagem against the souls of men!
Is it not then a most criminal stupidity to be contentedly ignorant and unresolved, whether I am reconciled to God or not; whether I am led by the flesh or by the Spirit; whether I am in the broad or narrow way, which lead to such contrary ends; that is, whether, if I die in this condition, I shall be saved or perish? Can such an inquiry be frivolous or indifferent? Is the subject of it so contemptible, or my concern in it so small, that it merits not to be attentively considered? Shall I never ask my soul, till I am leaving this world, (the nnfittest time of all to begin so important an affair,) What am I? To whom do I belong? Whose image do I bear? How have I lived, and what do I do? What do I love most? What do I most constantly desire, and choose, and seek? How doth the pulse of my soul beat? Is it quickest towards God, or towards the world? Whither am I going? What will be the final upshot and issue of my present course? Is it heaven or hell I must be translated to by dying? What security have I got for eternal life? What provision have I made? What foundation have I laid?
How strangely infatuated are most men, who talk of an everlasting life as an article of their creed, and say they count upon it, that they must dwell in happiness or misery for ever; and seldom or never bethink themselves in good earnest and for any
t time, with a setded composed exercise of thought, which of these two is like to be their lot! Or, if they begin to search and try themselves, they come to no condosion, or conclude too hastily; they pluck off the plaster as soon as it begins to smart; they are either frighted with the horrid prospect of past crimes, or, having escaped the grosser pollutions of the worldp judge too favourably of their own case. They commonly do the work but by halves, and so go from the glass, and forget what manner of persons they were. -
Let me, therefore, O my soul! sequester myself from the world, to commune with my own heart, to reflect upon my past life, and look into my present state, to recollect anti review the most considerable passages of my course and time hitherto. Oh! how neglected and disused a practice is this, which doth challenge and require our principal and most serious concerns about it! And how many begin it, and are discouraged and leave off, without reaching the end of such an inquiry!
How much wiser, in this respect, are the children of this world, in their generation, than the children of light? Who is so exact in his accounts between God ahd his own soul, as tradesmen in their dealings with one another? Who is at the pains to write down his sins and his mercies? the grounds of his fear, and the encouragements of his hope? or keeps a journal and diary of his spiritual state? Who doth, at set times, once a month, or once a quarter, or even once a year, take a just view of himself, his heart, and life, and state, as a Christian; that he may see what be hath received and dovve hiV^V^ owes, and what he may expect; that he may know whether he thrive or decay; whether he increase or decrease; whether he go backward or forward’; whether he be richer or poorer this year than the last? And is it not a symptom that you are declin* ing, when you love not to examine your iaccounts? Is there not ground of jealousy and suspicion that you are behind-hand, because you are loath to inquire whether you are or not, and unwilling to know the worst of your condition? Nevertheless, without such inquiries, and bringing the matter to a determination, at what uncertaiuties must we live? And how inconceivable a hazard do all hypocrites and unrenewed sinners run? And how reasonable, how necessary is it, that we should know, and, in order to it, prove, ourselves? We must therefore bestow time and serious diligence about it, that we may examine matters to the bottom, and come to some result; so that we may form a right judgment concerning our own case.
He that would do it to good purpose must endeavour to understand clearly the terms of the covenant on God’s part, and on ours; and take care not to judge of himself by mistaken rules, by a false standard that God will not justify, or by any such characters as will not conclude. But most men are unwilling to bring themselves to a trial, or to let conscience deal plainly and faithfully with them. They are stupidly secure, and seek not the necessity of this duty, or do not suspect themselves. They presume they need not be at that trouble; or are so taken up with the world, that they cannot find time and leisure for it. And many men dare not bring their hearts and ways to a trial. There is commonly aome secret lust indulged, which they are loath to let go; but most go on in sin, and perish eternally, because they think there is no danger of perishing; and never repent and make their peace with God, be** cause they fancy and presume it is done already.
Therefore, let me beg of thee, whoever thou art, who readest this, to put the case to thyself, seriously to admit the doubt, whether you do not mistake; make the supposition, that you have not hitherto, sufficiently considered the state of your soul. You are confident that ayl is well, and thereupon are unwilling to examine farther; but, for that very reason, you ought to question, whether it be so or not. Do but ask yourself seriously, what is the ground of your good opinion concerning yourself? For what reason can you thus conclude? Did you ever seriously lay to heart the characters and description, which the Scriptures give of those whom Christ will own at the last day, and of such whom he will reject and reprobate? With unfeigned application to. your own case, have you therewith proved yourselves? And come to a settled judgment, after a deliberate inquiry? And was the conclusion to your comfort and joy? If so, what influence hath it since had upon your heart and life? Hath it promoted purity, thankfulness, heavenly-mindedness, contempt of this world, and stronger desires, after the image, love, and presence, of Godj and the glory of Christ? Moreover, consider,
Is not this a good while ago? How have you behaved, yourself ever since 7 Have you not reasQW. tp look back with ahaiqe? If. you pul %Yv.^ ir.
g3 ainioed yourself formerly, resolve to do it more e& fectoally now; review the sins you have been since goiity of; and, if you have not done any thing con* siderable of this kind, yon ought now to begin. It is seisonable to begin the year by such an exercise; and it will be found of great use in all the following parts of it; especially, when you come to examine yourself afresh, in order to the Lord’s supper. For we ought frequently to renew the sad remembrance of our former sins; that, from time to time, we may renew our repentance, which is the work of our life, and not of one day. And he that cometh to the sacrament, and will look no farther back than to the last communion, may possibly presume too much, that all was then as it should be, and not be humble enough.
If any one, therefore, resolve, in good earnest, upon a holy life, and seriously design to prepare for eternity, as it is necessary to make a general review of his life, so I desire to afford him the best counsel I cau, in order to it.
It may be advisable, if you have not formerly begun this work, to employ one hour at least in a day, for several days follow ing, in writing down the most considerable passages of your life you can remember, desiring God’s assistance therein; and keeping your eye upon your end, in the whole; that is, thinking seriously that it is in order t( eternity that you now examine yourself. Choosi a place of retirement, and the most convenient time that you may not be interrupted, and when youi heart is most serious. Every man may divide bit life into several partS) as, ftom w&we.^ Vl U( off going to school) or was bound apprenticei or settled in any way of education. From thence till fixed in some employment; if a married person till entered into that condition. And from thence to another remarkable period, or to the present time. It may better assist some persons’ memory, to consider the several places of their abode, and compute according to them. In each portion 6f time, recollect what sins you were most addicted to; in what instances, with what frequency, and with what other various aggravations, you committed them; and what have been the effects and consequences of those sins to yourselves and others, in order to repentance and godly sorrow; which must not be judged of by tears, but grif, and inward hatred of sin. Remembering that no man is the better merely for being examined, if there follows nothing after it. It is in order to a judgment to be passed upon ourselves. It is to search out our own iniquity, oui’’ beloved sin, in order to the mortification of it. That Goliath must first be slain, if ever the other Philistines are conquered. In some, it is pride; in others, worldliness; in some undeanness; in others, drunkenness, gluttony, &c. That you may discover it, observe what sin it is you are most unwilling to part with; which you could even wish were not forbidden.
Which you have formerly been most apt to plead for, to extenuate, to excuse, and hide.
The thoughts whereof do most frequently occur, especially when alone; first in the morning, and last at night; and are most distracting in prayer and worship
Which an awakened conscience haO:i tatX ^^vcpy told you of, under a sermoDi or at a sacrament, or under some heavy affliction, or on a sick-bed, &c.^
Which you can least bear to be reproved for.
Which the temperature of your body doth most incline to.
Which your calling, employment, company, and converse, administer the greatest temptations fon
That especially which hath the throne of the heart, and sets all the faculties at work, to contrive fuel and opportunities for its gratification.
Observe likewise what passion was most pre* dominant in each period of time, or is yet so; and* what ill effects it hath produced. Consider farther what dangerous temptations you have met with, how you have fallen by, or been able to resist them. Consider withal the time and the means whereby God hath at any time formerly awakened, convinced, and humbled you; what purposes of amendment, and promises of reformation, you have ever made; and how far you have, or have not, performed them.- Recollect, likewise, all the special mercies you have received from God, in every state and period of your life, in order to thankfulness: the last section* of these papers may give you some assistance therein: and consider what returns you have made to God, for all his kindness.
You may do well to consider yourself also in the relations you have stood to others, as inferior, equal,’ or superior; in family, church, or state; in your calling, profession, employment, &c. And examine in what more notorious instances you havef beenfaulty in your relative duties. How you did ordinarily carry it in your place and sUuowv fet that is the best, the truest picture of a man, which is like him in bis ordinary, every day’s habit. Particularly, reflect upon the sins you have committed in company with others; by whose example you have been drawn to sin, who may probably have been tempted by yours, and bewail it, and, if the persons are living, admonish them to repent; and, if you have injured and wronged any, acknowledge your fault, and, to the utmost of your power, make speedy restitution. If any of your companions in sin are dead, and, yoa fear, died without repentance, humble yourself particularly before God, for having contributed to their damnation. I know of some who have made such a esLiaiogue of their sins, with the most observable aggravations of them; which they constantly preserved, and frequently reviewed, to keep them humble, penitent, watchful, and thankful; and, on some occasions of secret humiliation, have spread them before the Lord, (as Hezekiah did the writing of his enemy,) covering themselves with shame and confusion of face, by considering what they have beeuj and thence admiring the riches of free grace, in the’ forgiveness of such crimes, through the blood df Christ.
“Examine me, O Lord, and prove me: try my reins and my heart; for thy loving-kindness is before mine eyes, and I will walk in thy truth. Thou hast searched me, O Lord, and known me; thou knowest my thoughts afar off; all- my secret sins are in the light of thy countenance; and thou art acquainted with all my ways. Set my sins in order before me, that I may repent, and forsake them. Show me mine ioBriDities and wickedness: that 1 mi ^«X^ against them. And teach me to judge and condemn myself, that I may not be judged of the Lordf or condemned with the world.”