The Defect of Family Religion, and the Want of Connection of the Minister's Family with His Work

NEXION OF THE minister’s FAMILY WITH HIS WORK.

The qualifications of a Christian Bishop apply to the lower orders of the Ministry. And not among the least important are those, which mark the Minister in his family. ‘A family ’ (as Quesnel beautifully observes) ’ is a small diocese, in which the first essays are made of the Episcopal and Ecclesiastical zeal, piety, and prudence.’’ If therefore ‘= a man know not how to rule his own house, how shall he take care of the Church of God?“2 For he cannot reasonably expect to perform in his parish the work, which he has not cared to accomplish at home. The mark set upon Eli’s family illustrates the necessity of the regulation, that an elder must be one ‘’ having faithful children.” Though he cannot convey grace to his children, at least he can enforce restraint, and acquit himself of the guilt of “honouring his sons before God.”* He can inculcate upon them the responsibility of promoting his Ministry by a consistent conduct — thus ’ adorning not only their Christian profession, but their parent’s principles; and shewing, that the principles of their

1 Quesnel on 1 Tim. iii. 12.

2 1 Tim. iii. 5. Our Church fully recognizes the importance of this subject, in demanding of each of her candidates for the holy office a distinct pledge of family godliness. — ’ ^Vill you be diligent to frame and fashion your own selves and your families according to the doctrine of Christ, and to make both yourselves, and them, as much as in you lieth, wholesome examples, and patterns to the flock of Christ 1 I will apply myself thereto, the Lord being my helper.’ Service for Ordination of Deacons. ‘This is the injunction of the Apostle, 1 Tim. iii. 12. And the same command was enforced by the ancient laws of the church, which were much stricter concerning Clergymen’s wives, children, and servants, than those of the laity. The houses of Ministers should be the schools of virtue, little emblems of a church, and patterns for all their parishioners, of peace and good order, sobriety, and devotion.’ Comber. Compare also Dr. Nicholls, in Bishop Plant’s notes on the service. — It was a frequent petition of the excellent Philip Henrj’ in his family worship” That we might have grace to carry it, as a Minister, and a Minister’s wife, and a Minister’s children, and a Minister’s servants, should carry it; that the Ministry mighl in nothing- be blamed.’ Life, p. 81. The testimony on this point of one of the most determined enemies of Christianity, is also remarkable. The emperor Julian, in endeavouring to re-establish Paganism — and accounting (as he declares) ’ the strictness and sanctity professed by Christians, one of the main causes of the prevalence of their faith — gives directions (unquestionably copied from the injunctions to the primitive priesthood) that the heathen priests should be men of serious temper and deportment that they be neither expensive nor showy in their dress — go to no entertainments, but Buch as are made by the worthiest persons never be seen at the public games and spectacles — and take care that their wives and children and servants be pious as well as themselves.’ Fas est et ab hoste doneri. Archbishop Seeker thus briefly applies this testimony, ‘Let not (I entreat you) this apostate put you to shame.’ Jul. Epist. 49, ad Arsac, pp. 430, 4:51. Fragm. Epist. pp. 301 — 305. Seeker’s Charges, pp. 244, 345.

i 1 Sam. ii. 17. iii. 13. with Tit. i. 5, 6. 1 Sam. ii. 29, father’s house and Ministry are the rule of their conduct, and their real delight.’*

Mr. Herbert’s ‘Country Parson” is very exact in the governing of his house, making it a copy and a model for his parish. His family is a school of religion.’ This opens a wide field; including daily family worship — the whole circle of family instruction — the principles of education, essentially upon a scriptural basis — the regulation of conversational habits — all bearing a concurrent testimony to the doctrine of the pulpit in its fullest detail. Habits of order also form an important part of this Christian model — doing every thing at its proper time — keeping every thing to its proper use — putting every thing in its proper place. Regularity in the payment of bills, and a strict avoiding of debts — are here worthy of high consideration. With respect to children — we must be careful to exhibit a clear practical illustration of the rules of order, submission, and indulgence, which we give to our people. How many of us in this point are wise for others, and yet unwise for ourselves! Perhaps nowhere are we so liable to self-deception, or so little open to conviction, as in the management of children. The importance of order also in the regulation of our servants is most obvious. Let them not be overburthened. A trifle spent in procuring additional help will often prevent irritation, confusion, and what is more than all, the necessary loss of the private duties of religion. Let conscientious attendance upon these duties be encouraged — allowance be made for infirmities — patience and forbearance be constantly maintained — sympathy be shown in all their trials and diflJiculties — family reading be followed with individual instruction. Thus let our Ministry pervade the lower departments of the household, considering every member of the house as if interested in their temporal welfare, and responsible for the care of immortal souls.

Bishop Hooper’s palace was as if we ’ entered into some church or temple. In every corner thereof there was some smell of virtue, good example, honest conversation, and reading of Holy Scripture.’’ Of Mr. Joseph Alleine (an admirable pastor) it is said — ’ that, as he walked about the house, he would make some spiritual use of every thing that did occur, and his lips did drop like the honey-comb to all that were about him.* Philip Henry’s family ceconomy exhibited the most beautiful display of patriarchal godliness, simplicity,

1 Richmond’s Life, p. 294, 295. The Mosaic law severely punished the transgression of the Priest’s davighter, for the disgrace which she thus brought upon the holy office. Lev. xxi. 9. “^ Chap. x.

3 Clark’s Marrow of Ecclesiastical History, p. 222, and Fox’s Acts and Monuments, vi. 644.

* Alleine’s Life and Letters, pp. 97 — 100.

and order — “commanding his children and household after him, that they should keep the way of the Lord, to do judgment and justice.”’ These are fine models of a domestic Minister — the pastor of “the Church in his own house.”

A Minister is indeeu “a city set upon an hill, that cannot be hid.” He must expect not only his personal character, but his household arrangements — the conduct of his wife, the dress and habits of his children and servants, his furniture, and his table — to be the subject of a most scrutinizing observation. Thus the correctness of our family system becomes to a great extent the standard of our parish; while its inconsistencies too often furnish excuse for the neglect of duty, or the positive indulgence of sin. The detail of family religion is also a component part of our Ministry; inculcating principles of parental restraint and dutiful subjection — of constant instruction and superintendence — of precept illustrated by example — and of the daily exercise of Christian self-denial, holiness, cheerfulness, and love. Now, (as men are influenced much more by what they see, than by what they hear) if the parsonage does not show the pattern as well as the doctrine, exhortations from thence will only excite the ridicule of the ungodly, and confirm them in their habits of sin. How different must be our parochial influence, where the several members of our families appear as servants of God, or the children of this world! Often has a worldly stamp upon the domestic oeconomy utterly paralyzed the power of a faithful Ministration, even with the seal of personal consistency.’ It is therefore of great moment to repress all expensiveness of habits, studied attention to ornament, and every mark of “the course of this world’s” pleasure or vanity — not only or chiefly upon the ground of pecuniary inconvenience, but from their injurious impressions upon our people.

The Apostle notices the example of the Minister’s wife in gravity,

1 Gen. xviii. 19. Compare Philip Henry’s Life. pp. 82 — 86. Cotton Mather’s family picture is less known. He prayed for each of his children distinctly, and interested them early with engaging stories from Scripture, as the vehicle of inculcating lessons of practical usefulness. He had always a word for them, when they fell in his way. Their habits of secret prayer were early formed, and often brought to mind — ‘Child, don’t forget every day to go alone and pray, as you have been taught.’ He endeavoured to enlarge their minds in Christian love, by engaging them daily in some ’ essay to do good ’ for one another. He encouraged and commended them, when he saw them take pleasure in it; and let them know, that a backwardness to it was highly displeasing to him. When they were old enough, he would take them alone, one by one; and after many affectionate »nd solemn charges, to fear God, to love Christ, and to hate sin, he would let them witness his earnest melting prayers on their account. He catechised them on every part of the Gospel, turning every truth into a question; as the best way of gaining their attention, of informing their minds upon it, and applying it to their hearts. It is no wonder, that such diligence in the domestic Ministry were associated with uncommon power in his public work. The pattern expounded the doctrine with irresistible force of application and encouragement.

* See some striking matter of conviction on ’ suspicious appearances in a Minister’s Family,’ in ‘Negative Rules given to a Young Minister.’ — Cecil’s Remains. self-control, sobriety of deportment, and faithful exhibition of relative and public duties, in connexion with our great object.’ And of such importance is this considered, that, ’ in the Protestant churches of Hungary, they degrade a pastor, whose wife indulges herself in cards, dancing, or any other pubUc amusements, which bespeak the gaiety of a lover of the world rather than the gravity of a Christian matron. This severity springs from the supposition, that the woman, having promised obedience to her husband, can do nothing but what he either directs or approves. Hence they conclude, that — example having a greater weight than precept — the wife of a Minister, if she is inclined to the world, will preach worldly comphance with more success by her conduct, than her husband can preach the renunciation of the world by the most solemn discourses.’^

But — besides this domestic consistency — there is a superadded obhgation of direct subserviency to our great work. It was well said by one, whose completeness of Ministration gave just weight to his remark — that ’ a clergyman! s family house, occupations, and every thing connected with him, should be consistent; and all family arrangements made subordinate to his parochial duties,^* — (of course with due regard to prudential considerations) so as to allow the largest scope for the various exercises of his pastoral work.

How momentous therefore is the responsibility of the Minister’s married choice! Apart from the Scriptural rule of a Christian’s decision — “Only in the Lord “* — there are motives of a less selfish character, that should influence his determination. The tone of his Ministry will be formed, or moulded, by this critical change of circumstances. He will not be the man he was: he will be under the constraint of new inchnations and principles of action.* ‘Many immortal souls ’ — as an aged Minister reminded a younger brother on this matter — ’ are deeply interested in the step which you are now taking.’ And in truth — if his flock is not benefited by this new relation, it musi, suffer loss. Even a godly connexion without 2 Fletcher’s Portrait of St. Paul, p. 129, note — ‘A Minister’s public labours are intimately connected with his private and domestic consolations. A Minister’s wife may be a main-spring of encouragement or discouragement to her husband in all his arduous and anxious occupations for the good of his flock. On her example and demeanour very much may often depend.’ — Letter of Rev. L. Richmond to his daughter, on the day of her marriage to a Clergyman. Life, p. 511.

3 The late excellent Rev. H. C. Ridley’s ‘Parochial Duties practically illustrated’ — (Seeleys and Hatchard,) — a most interesting and exciting sketch of Ministerial devo-

4 1 Cor. viL 39. Ibid. 32, 33.

experience, sympathy, or helpfulness, (whether arising from natural, adventitious or spiritual causes) must cripple his energies; and he will be less of a Minister than before — less excited, less interested, less unfettered, less efficient.’ Surely therefore, if he should stamp his every act not only with the impress of a Christian, but with the high dignity, singleness, and elevation of his sacred office — how much more this act — the crisis of his course, the grand momentum of his future operations! If the sense of his awful responsibility has ever awakened the complaint — “I am not able to bear all this people alone, because it is too heavy for me,” may he not .expect in the course of Providence, and in answer to prayer, the gift of one, who may stand to him as the seventy elders of Israel to Moses — endued with his spirit, for the express purpose of “bearing the burden of the people with him, that he bear it not himself alone .^”^ There is, or ought to be, this difference between a Christian and a Ministerial choice. A Christian wants a helpmeet for himself — a Minister wants besides a yoke-fellow in his work: he wants for his people as well as for himself It cannot be doubted, that our work has been greatly weakened by the dissociation of the Minister’s wife from the service of God. In every sphere there are departments peculiarly fitted for her. Circumstances of propriety often (as in the female department of instruction) hinder the Minister from embracing the whole extent of his sphere. Added to which, a press of labour, and the distraction of a multitude of interfering engagements, demands the counsel and active services of a true yoke-fellow. A mistake therefore made in the original choice of a partner, and a want of sense of female responsibility,’ leaves much

1 ‘It is scarcely to be calculated,’ (remarks Mr. Cecil) ’ what an influence the spirit of a Minister’s wife will have on his own, and on all his Ministerial affairs. If she come not up to the full standard, she will so far impede him, derange him, unsanctify him. If there is such a thing as good in the world, it is in the Ministerial office. The affairs of this employment are the greatest in the world. In prosecuting these with a right spirit, the Minister keeps in motion a vast machine; and such are the incalculable consequences of his wif’s character to him, that, if she assist him not in urging forward the machine, she witi hang as a dead weight upon its wheels.’ — Cecil’s Remains. 2 See Numb. xi. 11 — 17, with Prov. xviii. 22; xix. 14. Mr. Baxter thus solved the question — ‘Ought a clergyman to marry V ‘Yes; but let him think, and think, and think again before he does it.’” Quod statuendum est semel, deliberandum est diu.’ Adherence to this rule, acted out in prayer for Divine direction, will be not less instrumental to personal comfort than to ministerial usefulness.

3 Let us mark the female obligations of the Ministry, at once confirmed and encouraged by a death-bed testimony — ‘When eternity was full in view, and when she expected to stand shortly before the bar of God, she could and did say — ‘I have laboured for the pai ish: yes, 1 have laboured for the parish; and, if the Lord spare my life, I will laboui more for it than I have ever yet done.’ Funeral Sermon for Mrs. Bolland, wife of Rev. W. Bolland, Swinehead, Lincolnshire. This instance, among many others, may show, that, if there is no express letter of Scripture requirement upon the subject, the obligation ia acknowledged, and felt to be legitimately inferred from the post, which the Minister’s wife officiajly and relatively occupies in the Church of Christ. Another instructive inof the ground unbroken, or imperfectly cultivated; and much promise of an abundant harvest is blighted. Over maternal responsibility there is indeed no control. But may not time (the extent of which indeed conscience must determine) be redeemed for the work of the Lord, without intrenching upon other most imperative claims? Should not the wife aspire to the honour of being a spiritual as well as a natural mother? Should she have no connexion with her husband’s spiritual family 1 Should she not desire to be a partner of his Ministry, as well as of his life? Is she content, by withdrawing from his public work, to share but half his sympathy to bear but a very small portion of his burdens? Her characteristic should be that main feature of the gospel — a disciple of the c7’oss. In uniting herself to a Christian Minister, she has bound herself to his work and to his cross; and must expect — as far as she appears by her husband’s side — not only to sympathize, but actually to share, in the double measure of hardness, misrepresentation, and reproach, portioned out to the faithful servant of God: trials, that will exercise all that love, humility, patience, and self-denial that constitute the spirit of the cross. Nothing connected with her can be neutral. A cold indifference to the advancement of her husband’s Ministry, or to the line of conduct best adapted to strengthen his interest — or even a weariness of his work, must clog the wheels of the machine, instead of supplying oil, for its accelerated progress. Any lack also of kindness or consideration on her part widens the distance between the pastor and his flock; and restrains much Ministerial communication, which would have been productive of mutual advantage. On the other hand, a natural spirit of conciliation and flow of sympathy draws out with freedom much, that otherwise had been restrained ;• and an additional bond of reciprocal attachment is thus formed between the father and his numerous family. Thus is the confidence of the female part of our charge obtained — opening to us a most interesting medium of pastoral intercourse, and a most valuable pledge of permanent and extensive fruit. Indeed the weight of female responsibility has sometimes sustained the dignity and usefulness of the office, even where the Minister’s personal character has been under a cloud; and in some instances it may be doubted,

stance may be seen in Memoirs of Mrs. J. Bickcrstcth, Acton, Suffolk — by her beloved partner. A small work — ‘Hints to a Clergyman’s Wife,’ will supply many valuable suggestions.

Cotton Mather mentions an interesting instance of this in a Minister’s wife — that the women would freely ‘open their griefs’ to her; ‘who, acquainting her husband with convenient intimations thereof, occasioned him in his public Ministry more particularly and profitably to discourse on those things that were of everlasting benefit.’ Mather’s New England, Book iii. p. 17.

whether the pastor or his wife’ were more useful in their respective labours. It is however important, that in the general system each should keep to their own department. Interference hurts the independence, and weakens the influence of both. But happy indeed is the pastor, whose partner is thus the mother of his people, as well as the director and guardian in his family. Happy indeed must he be, in offering his grateful acknowledgment for this special mercy to himself and to his flock.

May the Writer be permitted further to suggest, that the pastor’s family worship — like the edifying exercises of Philip Henry* and Mr. Scott,* should bear the character of a daily Ministration? A spiritual habit of prayer and meditation is however needed to render this social worship an enriching means of instruction. We must guard against formality. We must keep alive faith and expectation as the spring of life. An occasional mixture of catechetical instruction will give an useful variety to the course. Large portions of Scripture also would encourage and direct a more diligent and extended search of the sacred field. A large heart in intercessory prayer — embracing the universal church, and the necessities of a fallen world — is of the highest moment. The full expansion of this exercise of love inculcates upon our families important practical obligations, and introduces them into a sphere of privileged usefulness.

This Ministration, however, obviously includes something beyond the formal routine — familiar, close, and affectionate exhortation — a circle of instruction, that might profitably extend beyond the bounds of the parsonage, to any who were willing to improve the advantage. The mere reading of an exposition, however excellent, scarcely rises to the responsibility of this service; nor is it likely to be impressive in effect. For no foreign aid can supply, in the manner or matter of address, that adaptation to the different shades of character, and the ever-varying circumstances of the family, which seems necessary to give interest to the daily repetition of the social worship. The family use of Mr, Scott’s Commentary was probably intended chiefly for the assistance of the laity, or (in the clerical use of the work) to supply solid and useful materials for free exposition. The Ministerial quahfication — “apt to teach,” and the character of “a scribe instructed unto the kingdom of heaven,”

When the late Bishop Turner was a parish priest, no less than eleven instances of decided conversion crowned the self-denying labours of a minister’s wife.

2 Philip Henry’s Life, pp. 72 — 81. Mr. Wesley, in recommending Philip Henry’s Life to his people, pointed out his mode of conducting family worship as a pattern.

3 Scott’s Life, pp. 71 — 76.

suppose an ability to “bring forth out of our treasure thing? new and oLl,” for daily as well as Sabbath Ministrations.’ Oh! how do we need the spirit of prayer, and the active habit of faith, to maintain our watchfulness in “neglecting not,” and our diligence in “stirring up,” for daily use, “the gift of God, that is in us by the putting on of hands I“^ Every fresh exercise links us to our people with” a cord” of reciprocal feeling, that “is not quickly broken:” and opens their hearts to the reception, and the more established enjoyment, of the truth. Every sphere of parocliial labour thus becomes an overspreading “shadow,” inviting our people to “dwelt under it;’’^ so that, in the recollection of its enlivening refreshment, they are ready to adopt Philip Henry’s exclamation at the close of the Sabbath — ‘Well; if this be not the way to heaven, I do not know what is.’<