Observations on the Foregoing Narrative

Containing observations on the foregoing narrative.

My design in writing this account of myself, and my religious inquiries, and change of sentiments, was as follows: I considered myself a singular instance of a very unlikely person, in an uncommon manner, being led on from one thing to another to embrace a system of doctrine which he once heartily despised. And as I do assuredly believe that this change hath been effected under the guidance and teaching of the Holy Ghost; so I verily hoped that a circumstantial relation of it might be an encouragement and comfort to those who know and love the Lord, and from them levy a tribute of gratitude and praise, to our gracious, wonder-working God: and that it also might be instrumental, by the convincing Spirit, to awaken others to a serious review of their religious sentiments; to put them upon the same earnest inquiry after the truth, as it is in Jesus; and to influence them to the diligent use of the same blessed means, in which the Lord directed me to be found. In order to forward this effect, I would offer a few observations upon what has been related, to the attentive and impartial consideration of the reader; and may the

Lord guide both the writer and reader of these sheets to the saving knowledge of himself, and of the ways of truth and peace!

INow, I. I think it nrjust be evident to every unprejudiced reader of this narrative, that at the time this change commenced, I was, humanly speaking, a most unlikely person to embrace this system of doctrine. — This will appear from the following considerations:

1. By reason of my religious opinions at that time, which had been for many years directly contrary thereto. Being always of a reflecting turn, I had exceeding high notions of the powers of human reason, and a very favourable opinion of my own understanding: and I had, upon reasoning principles, embraced a system of religion, which, while it soothed my conscience, flattered this self-conceit. After some trivial alterations, I seemed to myself, upon mature deliberation, to have come to a settled determination, and had bestowed considerable pains in making myself acquainted with those arguments and interpretations of Scripture wherewith that system is usually defended; and I had raked together many of those plausible objections, and high charges, which are, by reasoning men, brought against the doctrines, and persons of the Calvinists. But on the other hand, I was, in a great measure, a stranger to what the Calvinists could say for themselves, because I thought the matter too plain to bear an argument, and therefore did not think their answers worth reading. In short, I was fallen so very low, that veryfew have ever been recovered from that abyss of error, into which I had been permitted to sink. Full of confidence in my cause, and in the arguments with which I was preparing myself, and with the most sanguine expectation of success, I was eager to engage in controversy with the Calvinists. In this confidence I frequently harangued against them from the pulpit, and spared not to charge upon them consequences both absurd and shocking. And yet, at length, after much, very much, anxious, diligent inquiry, I have embraced, as the sacred truths of God’s unerring word, every doctrine of this despised system.

2. From my natural spirit and temper, I was a most unlikely person thus to change. Few persons were ever more self-sufficient and positive in their opinions, than I was. — Fond to excess of entering into argument, I never failed on these occasions to betray this peculiarity of my character. I seldom acknowledged or suspected myself mistaken; and scarce ever dropped any argument, until either my reasonings, or obstinacy, had silenced my opponent. A certain person once said of me, that I was like a stone rolling down the hill, which could neither be stopped nor turned; this witness was true; but those things which are impossible with man, are easy with God: I am evidently both stopped, and turned; man, I am persuaded, could not have done it; but this hath God wrought — and I am not more a wonder to others than to myself. Indeed, I carried the same obstinate, positive temper into my religious inquiries: for I never gave up one tittle of my sentiments, till I could defend them no longer, nor even submitted to conviction, till I could make no longer resistance. The strong man armed with my natural pride, and obstinacy; and having with my vain imaginations, and reasonings, and high thoughts, built himself many strong holds, kept his castle in my heart: and thus garrisoned, when the stronger than he came against him, he stood a long siege; till, being by superior force driven from one to another, and all his armour wherein he trusted being at length taken from him, he was constrained to recede. — And the Lord having made me willing in the day of his power, I was forced to confess; “0 Lord, thou art stronger than I, and hast prevailed.”

3. My situation in life rendered such a change improbable. I had an increasing family, no private fortune, a narrow, precarious income, and no expectations, except from such friends as my conduct might procure, or continue to me. I had unexpectedly contracted an acquaintance with some of those whose favour goes a great way toward a man’s advancement in life; nor was I insensible to the advantages to be hoped for, from cultivating, by a compliant behaviour, their kind and friendly regard to me; at the same time I was no stranger to the opinion, which the world entertains of those who preach these disreputable doctrines; and could not but conclude, that embracing this system of religion was a probable way of depriving myself of this prospect of preferment. Had I not, therefore, as the result of my diligent inquiries, been assuredly convinced that it was my indispensable duty to embrace, and preach them, and that by so doing alone, I could ensure to myself the favour of a better friend than any here below; I should have been destitute even of common sense, to have had any thing to do with them. And yet being aware all along, how unfavourable, according to human probability it will prove, to my worldly interests, at length I have deliberately embraced them.

4. Nor was my regard to my character a trifling security against such a change of sentiment. I was ambitiously and excessively fond of that honour which cometh from man; and considered the desire of praise as allowable, nay laudable. By this motive was I urged on to a very diligent prosecution of my studies, even beyond what my natural inclination led me to; and my whole conduct was influenced by, my whole conversation tinctured with, this vainglorious aim. On the other hand, with approbation and self-cornplacency, I had been accustomed to hear the most contemptuous and opprobrious epithets liberally added to the names of those persons to whom I have now joined myself; and all along, as I verged nearer and nearer to Methodism, I was painfully sensible, that I was drawing upon myself the same mortifying distinctions. I have been a vainglorious candidate for human applause; but I renounce such pretensions, and willingly submit to be considered by the world, under the mortifying character of a silly, half-witted, crack-brained enthusiast. These epithets, I am sensible, are now bestowed upon me, behind my back, and very often to my face; I bless God this doth not move me, but I can heartily thank him that I am counted worthy to suffer shame for his sake. But when I saw this trial approaching, it appeared very formidable; and I can truly affirm, that nothing but the fullest conviction, that the cause in which I was embarking was the cause of God; nothing, but not daring to act contrary to the plain dictates of my conscience, could have influenced me to make this sacrifice of my character, and bring myself under so much contempt and scorn.

But, 5. To reason with our despisers, upon their own principles; upon supposition that I am now fallen into enthusiasm, mistake, and strong delusion, I certainly was, when I first set out in this inquiry, a very unlikely person so to do. My leading resolve was to search for the truth dihgently, and to embrace it wherever I found it, whatever it might cost; no sooner had I begun this inquiry, than I was called upon to give proof of the sincerity of this resolution; and, from a principle of conscience, though a mistaken one, I renounced my only prospect of preferment; and it would be unreasonable to question my sincerity, after it had been thus evidenced. Since that time I have also deliberately sacrificed my character, and hazarded the loss of all my former friends. Giving these proofs of my integrity, I set off in dependence on those plain promises, which I have mentioned; I have sought for this desired knowledge of the truth mainly in reading the Holy Scriptures, and by prayer for the promised teaching of the Holy Ghost, after that manner which had been related; and am now led to conclusions diametrically opposite to what I expected. Now, lay all these things together, attentively consider them, and then let your own conscience determine how far it is probable, that a person, in this manner seeking for the truth, should be given over to a strong delusion to believe a pernicious lie. “Would any of you that is a father, if his son asked bread, give him a stone; or if he asked a fish, give him a serpent? If ye, then, being evil, know how to give good gifts unto your children, how much more shall our Heavenly Father give the Holy Spirit to them that ask him?” Can any man suppose, that after such repeated and continued pleadings of the express promises of the Lord to this effect, in earnest prayer, according to his appointment, I should be likely to be delivered up to the teaching of the father of lies? Can any one make this conclusion without insinuating that God hath broken his promises, which is shocking to think of? In short, you may make a jest of these things; you may throw by the book without giving any attention to an argument of this kind; or you may say, what you never can prove, that it is all a contrived story; or you may argue, that these promises, though contained in the Bible, are not to be depended on by us: which is to give up the Scriptures to be scoffed at by infidels and atheists, and to render them useless to the humble, anxious inquirer after truth and salvation; but by no other means, I am assured, can you account for this single circumstance, without allowing, that the substance of those doctrines that I have now embraced, is indeed contained in the word of God; that they comprise the truth as it is in Jesus, and are not corrupted with any such delusion, as can hazard the salvation of my soul, or the souls of those who, by my ministry, receive them. On this supposition all difficulties vanish. The Lord had given me a sincere desire, to know the saving doctrine of the Gospel; and though I was exceedingly ignorant, obstinate, and prejudiced; yet this desire, having by his providential direction led me to the word of God, and influenced me to seek his teaching by prayer; God was faithful to his own promises, and it was an example of his own words, “that every one that asketh receiveth, and he that seeketh findeth.” My sincerity in seeking the truth, evinced by the sacrifice I made to my conscience, was sufficient to convince any person, who is conversant and experienced in the things of God, that, as my friend foretold, thither would all my inquiries lead me, in that would they all finally centre. And could I bo assured, beloved reader, whoever thou art, that thou wast as sincerely desirous to know the truth,

as I then was, and as heartily resolved to embrace it wherever thou didst find it, and whatever it should cost thee; had I also assurance, that in a believing dependence on these promises, thou wast diligently, and from day to day, in the study of the word of God, and by prayer, seeking the accomplishment thereof unto thy soul; I would as confidently foretell, that, as to those things which I now regard as essential to salvation, and, if thou hast the souls of others committed to thee, as to what is needful for thy usefulness in the ministry, thou wouldst be brought in time to the same conclusions, whatever thy present religious sentiments may be. May the Lord give thee true sincerity, and incline thine heart to try the experiment!

I am aware that many will object to what

I have urged under this head, as being too confident, and as urged by men of contr ary religious sentiments, each in behalf of his own system; and as I would neither wish by vain controversy to be detained from more profitable employments, nor yet to have any material, and plausible objection in force against what I have asserted, I hope the reader will excuse my obviating this beforehand. In answer, therefore, to those who may deem me too confident in this argument, I would only entreat them impartially and carefully to consider the hmitations with which, on every hand, it is guarded; and then to inquire, whether in any other way, than that which hath been mentioned, he can account for this circumstance: that is, supposing this narrative true, for which the appeal is to the heart-searching God; and supposing the promises mentioned, to be proposed to us, that we might embrace, depend on, and plead them in prayer; considering the glory of the divine veracity as concerned in their accomplishment to every believer, and then try, whether you possibly can evade one of the following conclusions:

1. Either God hath failed of his promise; or,

2. God hath in the main, and as far as is expressed, led the author by his Holy Spirit to the knowledge and belief of the truth. To the second argument, taken from experience, I answer, 1. That it is not fact; many pretenders to sincerity and candour, will, without hesitation, condemn as enthusiastical, such a reliance on, and confidence in these promises, and this way of searching for truth; and it is plain they do not seek truth in that manner, which they condemn in others. Many others, perhaps, slightly mention these matters, but they will not endure to be closely questioned; they are conscious that they have not sought the truth in this manner, and therefore they evade such discourse as personal. 2. I answer that the writings of many pretended inquirers after truth, evidently show, that they expect to find it, not by trusting the Lord with all their heart, asking wisdom of him, or seeking in the word of God and by prayer, to be taught of him: but by leaning to their own understanding, by resting the argument on philosophical reasonings, by backing it with the authority of this, or that renowned name, and supporting their conclusions by bold, and perplexing criticism, and interpretations of Scripture. Hence so many daring appeals from revelation, to reason and philosophy; hence such and so many objections brought against doctrines plainly revealed in God’s word; (if language hath any determinate meaning;) and so many consequences charged upon these doctrines, with a design to invalidate their divine authority; as if being made by every art of ingenuity, to have the show of unreasonableness, was sufficient to prove the plainest revelation of God’s Holy Spirit a falsehood: hence such liberty, in interpretation and criticism, taken with the word of God, as the learned would never endure in interpreting, or criticising upon Horace or Virgil. These things prove, that such persons are strangers to that earnest, hearty, sincere desire to know the truth, which brings the inquirer to an humble willingness to be taught of God, and in submission of understanding to seek wisdom from his word and Spirit. And 3. It is evident, that many pretenders to this sincere desire to know the truth, are not troubled with suspicions that they are, or can be wrong. They have made up their minds before they began their inquiries; and therefore you will not find them willing to make the least concession, but, in the management of the controversy, resolved to vindicate, and contend for every tittle, wading through thick and thin, (as it is said,) to make good their cause: and where arguments fail, to make use of the other arts of controversy, with which skill in the management of their weapons, and anger against their opponents, can supply them. Where a cause is maintained in this manner, you may easily understand, that there is none of that earnest desire of learning the truth, and that anxious fear of mistaking it, or of that distrust of self, and those doubts concerning our present knowledge and belief, which constitute that sincerity, that leads the inquirer to the word and Spirit of God for direction and teaching. Lay these things together, and they will on scriptural grounds, cut off many confident pretenders to sincerity from their claims as entirely as they exclude Annas and Caiaphas, and the chief Priests, Scribes, and Pharisees, from being sincere inquirers into the truth of the Old Testament; when in support of their own authority and reputation, and influenced by pride and anger, they, under colour of their law, put to death him, of whom Moses and the prophets did write, even Jesus of Nazareth, the Son of God. And as to men of another spirit, who appear sincere, humble, and willing to be taught of God, in their inquiry after truth; but do not

entirely agree with what has been laid down as my view of the truth, I would only wish them to observe the distinction established between some and others of these doctrines. Such persons do not, I dare say, materially differ from that which has been mentioned as necessary to salvation; and, therefore, as I allow that they may have been in the main taught of God; so I only require the same allowance; and that it may be supposed that the same God, who according to his promise hath led both, as far as is needful to salvation, in the same way, has in other things left us to differ, for the mutual exercise of candour and forbearance, till that time when we shall know even as we are known.

Lay these things impartially together; consider my former sentiments on religious subjects; my self-sufficiency and positiveness in my opinions; my worldly interest and character, both, to appearance, at stake; my sincerity in my religious inquiries thus evidenced; and then suppose my present sentiments to be enthusiasm, and pernicious delusion, and will it not be evident to your own consciences, that I was a most unlikely person to fall into them?

II. In the second place, I would observe, that this change in m.y sentiments, was very gradual.

When any person suddenly changes his religious opinions, for others, very different from them, it is no inconsiderable evidence of a changeable and fickle disposition: it gives cause to suspect that he was not well established in his former sentiments; that he had taken them upon trust, and was a stranger to the arguments wherewith they might be defended, and to the objections, which might be urged against them. If worldly interest, reputation, or conveniency, seem to favour the change, there is room for a presumption, that these had an undue influence upon him; if not, it may be insinuated, that he was deluded with specious appearances, that he did not allow himself time to weigh the arguments pro and con; that he had only changed one set of notions for another, without having duly considered either side. Such objections may reasonably be made, and the consequences of such precipitate changes too often justify them. But though I was always, and still am, of a headstrong, impetuous spirit in other things; and when once I have purposed, can have no rest from incessant agitation of mind till I have accomplished; yet, in this particular, I acted contrary to my natural temper. Indeed, at first, I did in some instances too much betray my impetuosity; but at that time I acted not in the character of an inquirer, but in full confidence that it was pleading the cause of truth, and had no more thought of becoming what the world calls a Methodist, than of turning Mahometan; and after the first hurry was over, though commonly in earnest, and sometimes in considerable perturbation of mind, I was outwardly calm and satisfied; being generally enabled to believe, that if I were in any thing at present mistaken, I should sometime be guided to the truth. My determination to set about this inquiry proceeded not so much from anxious fears about my own soul, as from a deep sense impressed upon my heart, of the importance of the ministry, and the worth of souls committed to my charge, and of the awful account to be given of them; and as I all along bestowed some pains in instructing them in what I believed to be the truth; I was preserved thereby from any discomposing fears, or undue disquietude of mind. I sat down very coolly to search for the truth; I proceeded very gradually, and with extreme caution: I took up no one opinion upon trust; I gave up none of my sentiments, until the arguments wherewith I had learned to defend them, were convincingly answered; nor did I admit any new articles into my creed, till either every objection was obviated, or I was pressed on the other hand with others, still more unanswerable. Much, very much, prayer and meditation preceded every change of sentiment; and I was near three years from the beginning of my inquiry, before I came to a determination what was the truth. So long, deliberately, and step by step, I examined the premises, before I finally proceeded to draw my conclusion. I perceive much cause to be ashamed of my unteachable temper; for with such opportunities as were afforded me, if I had improved them, I might have been led to the knowledge and belief of the same truths, in much less time. But the Lord, I trust, led me in this way, and left me thus far to my own natural pride of heart; that it might more evidently appear, that I received not my doctrines from man, but that, indeed, in the first instance, I learned them from the word and Spirit of God.

Ill, Thirdly, I would observe, that as I changed my religious views deliberately, so I did it without any teaching from the persons to whose sentiments I have now acceded. For a considerable time after the

THE FOECE OF TRUTH:

commencement of my inquiries, I would not so much as read what they had to urge in their own behalf. I entered, indeed, into a correspondence with Mr.; but my intention was, not to learn from him, but to dispute with him, which, when he waived, I dropped the correspondence, and utterly neglected his letters, as not considering them worth areperusal. From that time I avoided his company, and all the time I would not hear him preach. I would not be understood to insinuate, that Mr. hath not

been useful to me: he hath been, and continues to be, eminently so; and I continually see great cause to bless God for giving me such a friend, to be so near at hand on all occasions. But this I assuredly believe, that had I never seen him after the time that his example had put me upon considering my conduct, I should have arrived at the same views of gospel truth which I now have. — His usefulness to me hath, all along, been in those matters wherein we were in some measure agreed, not in those wherein we differed; for in these my proud heart scorned to have him for a teacher.

At the same time, though I had the offer of several books written by Dissenters and Methodists, I dechned them; and did not for near two years, peruse any of them with sufficient attention, to recollect any thing of consequence in them. I say not this, as slighting these books: justice requires me to acknowledge, that many of them which then I ignorantly despised, contain as soHd and judicious, and excellent divinity, as hath been penned since the apostles’ days. But I did not get my system from them; for that was nearly completed, before I was prevailed upon to read them. My studies, beside the Bible, were mainly confined to authors of allowed reputation in the church of England, several of which I have mentioned. Wherein they differed from each other, (as certainly Til lotson and Hooker, Jortin and Beveridge, Bull and Hall, do differ very much indeed,) I endeavoured to judge for myself, comparing all of them with the word of God, and with the articles, homilies, and liturgy of the church of England; and from such authors, thus compared, as far as the writings of uninspired men have been instrumental to this change, I have received the greatest part of my present opinions.

But let it be observed, that the further these streams are traced upward, toward the fountain of the blessed reformation, the purer they flow, according to my present judgment; and I have no doubt but I could, were I to go about it, with proper helps, prove undeniably, that there is nothing material preached by me, under the scandal of methodistical, which was not preached by those excellent persons, who, having laid the foundation of our church establishment, gave their bodies to be burned, in confirmation of the truths they taught. It is much to be wished, that their lives and discourses, living and dying, and their remaining writings, were more generally known amongst us, and did not remain locked up from the world in large foHos, in the learned languages, or in books out of print, or exceedingly scarce: the effect of which is, that the members of our national church are in general utterly ignorant of its standard doctrines, and ignorantly brand those as Methodists and enthusiasts, who preach zealously the very doctrines of the first reformers.

IV. In the fourth place, I would observe the great influence which the study of the Scriptures had in producing this change.

We are too apt, without careful examination, to take things for granted; and to collect our scheme of divinity from other authors, and only to fetch a few detached texts from the Scripture, which appear to countenance our preconceivedopinions; neglecting,orvery slightly considering such parts of the word of God, as seem incapable of being made use of to our purpose: we are too prone in availing ourselves of the labours of critics and expositors, to resign up ourselves implicitly to their guidance, and to imagine that we have proof enough of our doctrines, if we can produce the sanction of some great name, which hath espoused and maintained them; without carefully examining whether they be right or wrong: but this is to pay that deference to the human interpretation, which is only due to the divine book commented upon. We ministers especially, though at ordination we solemnly promise to turn all our studies, as much as may be,into this channel, are very apt to suffer our time and thoughts to be engrossed with such studies and employments as are foreign thereto, interfere therewith, and leave at most but a secondary attention for the study of the word of God. Hence it comes to pass, that frequently we do not bestow so much pains in meditating upon the Bible, and in comparing spiritual things with spiritual, one Scripture with another, with what we experience in our own hearts, and what we hear and see in the world around us, as we do about matters of far less consequence. So that probably should we at any time sit down to a diligent examination of the whole word of God, we should find it a very different book from what we expected: thus at least it hath been with me, and possibly it may be so with others.

The word of God informs us that true wisdom, the saving, practical, and experimental knowledge of divine things, is not to be acquired without earnest and dihgent seeking, (Prov. ii. 1, 6.) “My son, if thou wilt receive my words, and hide my commandments with thee; so that thou inchne thine ear unto wisdom, and apply thine heart to understanding: yea, if thou criest after knowledge, and lifteth up thy voice for understanding; if thou seekest her as silver, and searchest for her, as for hid treasures: then shalt thou understand the fear of the Lord, and find the knowledge of God.” If then our wisdom has been acquired without any of that eager desire after, and painful diligence in seeking it, with which the covetous man desires, and seeks for his riches; it is a shrewd conjecture, that it is not of the genuine sort. Once I had in my own esteem a sort of wisdom, which seemed to offer itself to me spontaneously, and to be found with little seeking. But now I am persuaded it was but a counterfeit; a fair seeming, pernicious foolishness.

But that which I now esteem to be true wisdom, if I could but attain unto it, is not to be acquired in so easy a manner. When I first began to desire and seek after this wisdom, I set out with the assurance, that it was to be found in the Holy Scriptures, and nowhere else, these alone being able to make us wise unto salvation. I therefore considered myself engaged to make them my study; and as the whole was given by inspiration from God, and was all declared to be profitable for some purpose or other, according to the various ends for which the Holy Spirit designed therein; so I made the whole my study without picking and choosing. Thus I learned to look upon the Bible as my book of instructions, given me along with my ministerial trust by my Lord and Master; that from thence I was to draw all my doctrines, instructions, and admonitions, warnings, examples, rules of duty, motives to duty, and encouragement therein: and I also considered it to be the believer’s charter of privileges, containing exceeding great and precious promises, and the whole of that which God saw fit to reveal, concerning those unspeakable and inconceivable good things, which he hath of his infinite mercy prepared for them that love him. In order, therefore, faithfully to declare my message from the Lord Alm-ighty to the souls of men, I found it indispensably needful to be well acquainted with every part, and to take the word of God myself, as well as propose it to others, as the lantern of my feet, and the light of my paths. And not only to attend to the letter, but also to the true meaning of the Spirit of God therein. This I found to be a work that required much time, great diligence, mature consideration, and an unbiassed, unprejudiced mind.

With this view of the matter partly obtained, and continually more and more unfolding itself to my mind, I studied the word of God, and have now for near four years employed a very considerable part of my time therein, neither rejecting, nor greatly depending upon the assistance of interpreters. I all along sincerely desired to know the truth, and for that end read the Scriptures, not as the word of man, but as the word of God. And though there have been seasons of remissness, when other employments and studies too much interfered with this main business; and though at first I was very far from an unbiassed mind; being blindly and obstinately prejudiced against those doctrines, which I now believe to be the true gospel of Jesus Christ; yet, within that space I have read the Bible several times over, in every part, with the strictest attention I was capable of. There are very few passages which relate to doctrine, that I have not repeatedly and diligently examined, comparing one with another, with all the care and consideration I could; and I seldom ever ceased meditating on any portion of Scripture, until I had attained to some satisfying conclusion concerning its true meaning, and agreement with other Scriptures. I may truly say I have filled reams of paper with religious discussions, with sermons, expositions and letters, in all which I ransacked the Bible, to bring as much Scripture evidence for my direction as possible. For these last two years I have scarce opened a book except upon religious subjects, and from morning till night, nearly every day, all this while, my thoughts incessantly have been employed in meditation upon the great truths of the gospel. Every difficulty and objection, (and difficulties and objections both from my own meditations, and in the course of my reading, continually crowded upon my mind,) sent me to the word of God, and increased my care and attention in examining and weighing every text of Scripture, respecting the point in question, before I exchanged my old opinion for a new one.

Thus I may truly say, I have sought in the word of God, (that field in which alone this precious treasure hes hid,) for wisdom, for the saving knowledge of divine things, as for silver, and searched for her as for hidden treasures. And though I am sensible, compared with many, with whom I have personal acquaintance, and still more whose works I read, my knowledge of the Scriptures is superficial, the knowledge of a child, of a mere novice in the school of Christ; yet, I trust that, as far as relates to the leading truths of the gospel, according to the promise, I am brought to understand the fear of the Lord, and have found the knowledge of God. And permit me, beloved reader, to put thee in remembrance, that until thou hast with some good measure of this diligence, studied the whole word of God, thou runnest very great hazards in passing judgment upon the men and doctrines; be cautious in what thou doest; let these men quite alone, until thou hast imitated the conduct of the noble Bereans; and hast thoroughly, and with unbiassed mind, examined and meditated upon the whole word of God, to see whether the things they believe, and teach, be so or not. Lest otherwise it should come to pass, (as probably it will,) that in opposing and condemning them, thou shouldst be found to fight against God. And 0! that the Lord would hear and grant my request, and by his Holy Spirit powerfully incline the hearts of all, who read these sheets, according to their leisure, station in life, obligations, and opportunities, thus attentively to read their Bibles; not as the word of man, but as the word of God himself, speaking from heawen, and unto them, and concerning the everlasting interest of their precious and immortal souls. Be the adviser what he will, despised, and deserving to be despised for a Methodist, the advice is undoubtedly good: advice I shall have no occasion to repent having thus given you, at the solemn hour of death, and the awful day of judgment; advice, which, at those approaching seasons, none of you will repent having followed; though it should divert you from more amusing, and at this day more reputable studies, or engross that time, that you have been accustomed to devote to more pleasurable and fashionable employments; but which, neglected, will be an additional sting in every conscience, through all the countless ages of eternity.

And 0! that they to whom the chief Shepherd hath committed the care of precious souls, and at whose hands he will assuredly require every one that perishes through their default, would take in good part this expression of the very affectionate desire of my soul.

both in behalf of them, and their flocks, in dropping down these hints concerning their peculiar obligations, to devote much of their time to the attentive, unbiassed study of the word of God, that infinitely best, but often least studied of all books. What avails it, that the ministers of the everlasting Gospel should be learned classics, profound philosophers, metaphysicians, and mathematicians, expert logicians, or adorned with the knowledge of the politer sciences; if they are unacquainted, or but superficially acquainted, with the sacred Scriptures? These other branches of literature may amuse and entertain them, may procure them preferment, reputation, respect, and favour; but it is the knowledge of the Bible, which alone can enable them in such a manner to attend to themselves, and to their doctrine, as shall issue in the everlasting salvation of their own souls, and the souls committed to their care. Far be it from me to presume to lay down my opinions as the standard of doctrine, or a rule for the faith and preaching, of my brethren, in this sacred ministry. But the more obscure I am, the less objection there can reasonably be against my just hinting to them, that if any one should find this subject manifest itself to his conscience, and make him sensible, that verily he hath been faulty in this matter, and hath been attending to other employments, and studying other books more than the word of God; then, possibly, he may be mistaken in his sentiments concerning the doctrine of the Gospel, and, being mistaken himself, may be misleading others, to the endangering of their immortal souls; for he cannot be certain, but that, should he employ some years in this single study, (which its importance well deserves,) he may find the Bible a very different book than he expected.

V. I would observe the influence which prayer appears to have had in effecting this change.

I am aware that the world, though called Christian, is come to such a pass, that the very mention of this subject, in many companies, is accounted ill manners, or even received with ridicule; and that being known to live a life of prayer and communion with God, is alone sufficient to denominate any person a Methodist. However, it is scarce needful to say, how full the word of God is, of precepts, instruction, exhortations, invitations, promises, and examples to this effect; he never read his Bible, who knows not this; nor can any man, under any pretence, make a jest of this great duty and privilege of a believer, without pouring contempt upon the Holy Scriptures, and insulting the brightest characters therein proposed to us as examples, not excepting the Lord Jesus himself. — Let men, therefore, under the profession of Christianity, be as irreligious and profane as they please; I shall not be ashamed to speak upon so unfashionable a topic; for if the word of God be true, he never knew anything as he ought to know, never believed, never repented, never performed one duty aright in his life, who hath not sought all his wisdom, knowledge, faith, repentance, and sufficiency for obedience, from God, by fervent, instant, and persevering prayer. Time was, even since I had souls committed to my care, that I lived in the neglect of this duty, and so without God in the world; but since, through his forbearance and mercy, I have been in earnest about the salvation of my own soul and their’s, I have not been left to do so. However, it is not my intent to speak any further on this subject, than relates to the matter on hand.

The word of God promises the Holy Spirit to them that ask him; he is the Spirit of truth, leads into all truth, teaches all things, and searches and reveals the deep things of God. The leading promise to the church is, (Isaiah, liv. 13,) “That all her children shall be taught of the Lord.” (John vi. 44, 45.) Referring thereto, Christ hath declared, that none can come unto him, except he be drawn of the Father, and taught of God. And St. Paul adds, (1 Cor. ii. 14,) “But the natural man receiveth not the things of the Spirit of God, for they are foolishness to him, neither can he know them; because they are spiritually discerned.” The natural man is explained in Jude, by not having the Spirit, which is evidently the Apostle’s meaning in this passage; for in the preceding verse he declares, that he preached the gospel, not “in words, which man’s wisdom teacheth, but which the Holy Ghost teacheth, comparing spiritual things with spiritual.” On these grounds I concluded, that man’s natural understanding could not spiritually, or profitably, receive the knowledge of revealed mysteries, unless it be enlightened by the Holy Spirit. I learned also that our eyes may be bUnded by Satan, the God and prince of this world; and our understandings closed, and a veil upon our hearts, when we read the word of God; in which case the letter of the Scriptures, without the Spirit, only killeth. Hence the need of our understandings being opened, to understand the Scriptures; (for want of which the plainest discourses of our Lord to his disciples, concerning his sufferings, death, and resurrection, were hid from them, and they understood them not;) and of the veil being taken from our hearts; for want of which the Jews in reading the Old Testament cannot understand the plainest declarations of Moses, and the prophets, concerning their promised Saviour. I was taught also that true wisdom was the gift of God, and to be asked of him, by every one, who would be wise unto salvation, that “the secret of the Lord is with them that fear him; and that those who receive not the love of the truth, that they might be saved are given over to a strong delusion to believe a lie; that they might all be damned, who believed not the truth, but had pleasure in unrighteousness.” (2 Thes. v. 10 — 12.)

On these grounds, and depending upon the promises and invitations so plentifully interspersed through the Scriptures; when I began to inquire after the truth, I began also to cry unto the Lord for his guidance therein; and as my mind became more and more engaged, and my difficulties, in extricating myself from the labyrinths of controversy increased, I became more and more earnest, and constant, and particular, in making my request known unto God. My constant prayer to the Lord was, to be delivered from pride and prejudice, blindness of heart, contempt of the truth, obstinacy, enthusiasm, ignorance, and error. That the Lord would give me wisdom and knowledge, guide me to the truth as it is in Jesus, open my understanding, take away the veil from my heart, and make known unto me the way of salvation, which is revealed to sinners in his holy word. Thus waiting upon the Lord, according to his own appointment, depending upon, and pleading his promises from day to day, I was led from one thing to another, until my view of religious truth was totally changed. This I most firmly believe to have been by the promised teaching of the Spirit of truth, powerfully enlightening my mind, opening the Scriptures, and, by dispelling the clouds of error, and prejudices, enabling me to receive the truth therein contained.

But though I am not ashamed of declaring my desire of living a life of prayer, and communion with God; yet I have no intention in speaking thus publicly on such a subject, but to advance his glory, and forward the salvation of souls. As in his presence I declare, that I have prayed over many of the most interesting passages of Scripture, chapter by chapter, and often verse by verse, with the most anxious apprehensions of rejecting or mistaking the truth, or embracing a falsehood; and with the most earnest desire of knowing what that doctrine was, which Jesus and his apostles taught. In the sight of God I am sensible I have abundant cause to be humbled, and ashamed of my frequent remissness in, and the continual defilements of, my prayers: but as surely as I believe his promises to be faithful, as surely I believe him to be a God that heareth prayers; so surely do I believe that flesh and blood hath not revealed to me the doctrines I now preach, but God himself by his Holy Spirit.

Reader, whoever thou art, if thy conscience testify, that thou hast hitherto lived in the neglect of this important duty, or in the formal, lifeless, and unmeaning performance of it with thy lips, whilst thy heart hath been disengaged, and thy thoughts allowedly wandering to the ends of the earth; if thou hast not been accustomed by fervent prayer to seek wisdom from God by his teaching Spirit; if thou knowest not what it is to exercise faith upon the promises pointed out to thee, nor to plead them in prayer to a promise-keeping God; if all thy knowledge of divine things hath been acquired by leaning to thy own understanding; if in reading the Scriptures, thou hast looked more to learned critics, commentators, and expositors, than to the illuminating Spirit of God, sought in humble prayer, to open thy understanding, to take the veil from thine heart, and to give thee that wisdom, which is from above; then be as sure as the word of God is true, and we are concerned in it, that thou art in the wrong, the light that is in thee is darkness, and thou knoweth nothing yet as thou oughtest to know. May the Lord effectually incline thine heart to take a contrary course, and to seek wisdom where alone it can be found, from the Lord, the Father of Lights, and the giver of every good and perfect gift, who hath invited thee to ask, that it may be, given thee!

VL I would observe, that there is nothing in this Narrative, which can reasonably be condemned as enthusiasm.

It is allowed, that there is such a thing as enthusiasm; that it is a frequent attendant on religious zeal; that in some of its operations it is a grievous evil, (I speak of the faulty enthusiasm;) in all, attended with many inconveniences; and that it ought very carefully to be guarded against by every religious professor, and zealous preacher. It would also be in vain to pretend, that the late revivals of religion, which indiscriminately have been stigmatized with the name of Methodism, have been, in opinion and practice, entirely free from enthusiasm. What revivals of religion ever were free from such scandals? Where the Lord sows his good seed, there the enemy will be sure to scatter his tares. It must be confessed, that some of the most eminent instruments in this work, whose names, when prejudice shall vanish, will be handed down with honour, as burning and shining lights, to the latest periods of the church, have, by the greatness of their zeal, through human frailty, been betrayed into sentimts, expressions, and deportment, in some instances justly to be censured as enthusiastical; of which their enemies have not failed sufficiently to avail themselves. But whatever indiscretions and mistakes particular persons, who have preached these doctrines, may have fallen into, this doth not, in the judgment of candid and impartial personsn the least affect the general cause, or prove the doctrines erroneous. We would not contend for the credit of individuals, or the interests of a party: but for the doctrines of God’s word, and of the established church of England. These will continue true and important, though many of those who have zealously and successfully preached them, should have justlyincurred the charge of enthusiasm. All that I would intimate is this; that a man may be led to the belief of those doctrines, which are branded as Methodistical, in a way of sober, rational inquiry; and zealously preach them without being an enthusiast.

It would be very well, if some of those, who so readily accuse whole bodies of apparently religious persons of enthusiasm, would favour us with their determinate definition of an enthusiast. In its original meaning the word has a very favourable sense, and implies, that by a divine influence upon the soul, a man is filled with an ardour and warmth of zeal in the cause he is engaged in. Now, it is good to be zealously affected always in a good thing, and if our ardour of soul be from the Spirit of God, according to the revealed will of God, and for the glory or God, it is the noblest, most desirable, most heavenly, and most beneficial exertion of the human mind. In every thing but religion an ardour, described by the term enthusiasm, is allowed and commended: a poetical, a military, a patriotic enthusiasm, even when they carry men beyond the strict bounds of cold reasonings, and exact prudence, fail not to meet with admirers. Our zeal may be fervent in every thing without censure, save when we are zealous for the glory of God, and the salvation of immortal souls. But there is an enthusiasm of this sort, which forms the highest elevation, and the noblest effort of the human soul. Such an enthusiasm animated the apostle Paul, in all his self-denying labours and sufferings, and filled, (under the guidance of the Holy Ghost) his writings with such ardent zeal for the honour of his dear Saviour, and affection for the souls of men; such an enthusiasm he expresses, when he says, (2 Cor. v. 13, 14,) “Whether we be beside ourselves, it is to God, or whether we be sober, it is for your cause; for the love of Christ constraineth us.” Of such an enthusiasm as this I wish I were far more guilty. But on the other hand there is danger of a counterfeit, pernicious enthusiasm, and about that we are now inquiring. Now, I apprehend, that in order to constitute this culpable enthusiasm, some one or more of the following things must appear; either the ardour of the soul, which is excited, must proceed from a heated imagination, or from a delusion of Satan, instead of being produced by a divine influence; or the cause, in which this ardour is employed, must be the cause of self and error, instead of the cause of God and truth; or it must exert itself in unjustifiable measures and practices. But if our ardour of mind be warranted by the word of God; if it do not tend to the dishonour of God; and if it be confined in its exercise to the rules and precepts of the word of God, how intense soever it may be, I can see no cause to censure it; unless men can be too zealous for the glory of God, and the salvation of souls. But whatever be the distinguishing criterion of enthusiasm, I suppose it will be difficult to fix a charge upon it of any thing, for which I plead in this Narrative. I never was taught any thing by impulses, impressions, visions, dreams, or revelations; except so far as the work of the Spirit, in enlightening the understanding tor the reception of those truths contained in the Holy Scriptures, is sometimes styled revelation. Other revelation I never expected or experienced, nor ever taught others to expect. Not but that the Lord is sovereign, and may do what he will with his own; and, if he pleases, may, and I suppose sometimes does, go out of the ordinary course, for the conversion of a sinner, or the guidance of a perplexed, or the comfort of a distressed soul; but I never took one step in dependence on any such extraordinary interpositions, nor encouraged any person to do so. And surely it will not be called enthusiasm, by any but avowed infidels, to believe God’s word to be the rule of truth, and his promises to be faithful, and in this belief to seek for the knowledge of the doctrines of the Gospel, in the manner related. In this way I

have been taught no new truths, but as I believe, have been shown the meaning, use, tendency, consistency, harmony, wisdom, and glory of those truths which are contained in the sacred volume, but which before, through pride and ignorance, I perverted, neglected, reviled, and counted foolishness. Nor do I make any pretences to infallibility; God hath not, I trust, left me so unstable, as to float about in the uncertain stream of opinion, and to be tossed to and fro with every wind of doctrine by the sleight of men, and cunning craftiness, whereby they lay in wait to deceive. As to the grand doctrines of the Gospel, which I have endeavoured to mark out as necessary to salvation, they are neither so uncertain nor so diflicult, as men would persuade us; their uncertainty and difficulty arise wholly from our pride, prejudice, love of sin, and inattentive ignorance of our own hearts. There is really much difliculty in bringing vain man to cease from leaning to his own understanding; and in prevailing with him to trust in the Lord with all his heart, and to be willing, in the humble posture of a little child, to be taught of God. Nothing but a deep conviction of guilt, a fear of wrath, and a sense of our lost condition by nature and practice, can bring our minds unto this submissive frame; but this being effected, the difficulty is over, and the way of salvation is so plain, that the wa^faring men, though fools, shall not err therein. As to the other doctrines, which I beUeve myself, though they seem plain enough to me, I desire not to proselyte others to them, but am willing to leave them as matters, in which falUble men may differ without danger. And as to my sufficiency for the faithful discharge of my ministry to God’s glory, and the salvation of souls, he will not, I trust, deceive my expectations, which are grounded on his promises; for the rest I mistake daily, and find myself in continual danger of mixing my own imaginations with his divine truths, and following my own spirit instead of his. Whatever I preach truly, or do wisely, to God be the glory, for I am not sufficient of myself to think a good thought; whatever I speak falsely, or do foolishly, to me be the shame, for it is the natural fruit of my own deceitful heart. If this be enthusiasm, it is an enthusiasm warranted not only by the word of God, as I have endeavoured to prove, but by the whole liturgy of our church. We all at ordination profess to be moved by the Holy Ghost, to take the ministerial office upon us, and assuredly we cannot be moved by the Holy Ghost, if we have not the Holy Ghost, nor may expect his help and guidance. We agree to pray, that the Lord would lead in the way of truth all such as have erred and are deceived; that he would illuminate all bishops, priests, and deacons, with true knowledge and understanding of his holy word; that he would cleanse our hearts by the inspiration of his Holy Spirit; that he would grant us true repentance and his Holy Spirit; and much more to this effect; and I am persuaded that such a confidence as I have expressed cannot be censured as enthusiasm, without directly including our church establishment and conthiual public worship in the same charge.

VII. Lastly, I would observe, that our opposers and despisers will seldom give us the hearing. With all their pretensions to candour, reasoning, and free inquiry, they accuse and condemn us without so much as knowing, with any tolerable degree of accuracy, what our sentiments are; although they are furnished with such plentiful means of information, in those numerous publications, which are now extant upon these subjects.

Having imbibed strong prejudices against lis, they frame so contemptuous an opinion of our understandings and our writings, that they will not bestow so much pains, or afford so much regard, as to peruse our books; and to call an author a Methodist, is with many people a sufficient reason why they should not read his works. Hence it comes to pass, that for want of information, our doctrines are grievously misrepresented; and in general the attacks made upon us, though they make our persons odious and despised, do not in the least affect the argument in debate. What most of our adversaries know of our opinions, are only scattered fragments picked up by hearsay, wherein neither the connexion, consistency, tendency, nor application of these opinions are preserved; and therefore no wonder that we areviUfied, and reproached with things to which we are utter strangers, or which we abominate and protest against from Sabbath to Sabbath, and against which we neglect not to fill our writings with reasonings, warnings, and cautions.

For my own part I freely acknowledge, that my strongest objections against this scheme of doctrine arose wholly from misapprehension and mistake. Not having read their books, my notions of the doctrines of the Methodists were received from vulgar report, and from their enemies; while my own creative imagination put the construction upon, and drew the consequences from them; so that when I preached against them, I was as one fighting with my own shadow; and in speaking evil of those things that I knew not, I only betrayed my own ignorance and pride. No better founded are the lamentable outcries, which at this day are made against us and our principles, as if we were endeavouring to banish reason, argument, sober-mindedness, and morality out of the world; and in their stead to substitute a parcel of whimsical vagaries, which are without foundation in reason, or Scripture, and have no influence, or rather a pernicious influence, on our conduct and conversation. When such a declamation is ended, (for one would not interrupt it,) ask the declaimer what a Methodist is? He can scarce give you an answer; inquire about their doctrines, he doth not understand them; their writings, he never hath read them!

Reader, if thou desirest to lnow what our opinions are, and what reason there is for these heavy charges, read our books; but read them with attention, and aim at impartiaUty; compare them with the word of God, and with the liturgy, articles, and homilies of the church of England; and if thou hast leisure and opportunity, with the works of our first reformers. Nor do we desire thee to renounce thy reason, but only to make this reasonable concession; that where thy reason would determine one way, but God hath expressly determined another way, thou wouldst allow him to understand his own mysteries better than thou dost; and that therefore, thou oughtest, by faith, exercised upon the veracity of God, to receive those matters implicitly, and without reasoning, which God hath revealed, and which thy reason feels to be far above, out of its reach, and therefore out of its province. Whenever, on such inquiry, thou discoverest us to be mistaken, there dissent from us, yea blame us, as far as meekness and candour will permit; but do not condemn us in the gross; do not assert our whole scheme of doctrine to be enthusiastical and groundless, though some of our writers should be found to have advanced some questionable opinion. This were the way to drive all truth and certainty out of the world; for what book can be mentioned, the Bible excepted, wherein there is nothing advanced, either erroneous or questionable?

And be assured, it is no argument of a sincere desire to know the truth, to read onlyone side of the question, and then clamorously to adopt every childish cavil, every vague report, every scandalous falsehood; and industriously to propagate them, as if these afforded a sufficient confutation of all the arguments, authorities, and Scripture testimonies wherewith we support our sentiments. Observe; that though some professors have been proved enthusiasts, and others detected to be hypocrites, this doth not prove that we are all enthusiasts and hypocrites. Such rash judgments hurt not us, but those that pass them.

For myself, I here publicly profess that I will, to the end of my days, acknowledge it, as the greatest obligation that any person can confer upon me, if, in the spirit of meekness, he will point out to me any error or enthusiastical delusion, into which I have fallen, and by sufficient arguments convince me of it. I trust, that my earnest desire to discover the truth, as it is in Jesus, has not abated in its influence, and that I retain the same disinterested resolution to embrace, and adhere to it, with which I set out. Still am I solicitously fearful of being betrayed by my warmth of spirit, and by the deceitfulness of my heart, into erroneous opinions. But it is not clamour and reproach, or objections and arguments brought against sentiments I detest, or consequences I allow not, and do not see to be consequent from my doctrines; it is not such reasoning as sets one divine attribute at variance with another, and makes one part of the Bible contradict another, or exalts the human understanding upon the tribunal, and arraigns and condemns revealed mysteries at her presumptuous bar; I say, such a procedure will have no weight with me, or with any who ever knew the grace of God in truth.

And now, beloved reader, let me conclude, with leaving it upon thy conscience, to search for the truth of the Gospel in the study of God’s word, accompanied by prayer, as thou wouldst search for hid treasure. I give thee this counsel, as expecting to meet thee at the day of judgment, that our meeting may be with joy, and not with grief; may the Lord incline thee to follow it, with that solemn season full in view! Time, how short! eternity, how long! life, how precarious and vanishing! death, how certain! the pursuits and employments of this present life, how vain, unsatisfying, trifling, and vexatious! God’s favour and eternal life, how unspeakably precious! his wrath, the never-quenched fire, and the never-dying worm, how dreadful! Oh! trifle not away thy span of life, in heaping up riches, which shortly must be left for ever, and which profit not in the day of wrath; in such pleasures and amusements, as will issue in eternal torments; or in seeking that glory which shall be swallowed up in everlasting infamy. Agree but with me in this; that it is good to redeem thy precious time, to labour for the meat that endureth unto everlasting life, and to attend principally to the one thing needful: take but thy measure of truth as well as duty from the word of God: be willing to be taught of God; meditate on his word day and night; let it be the light of thy feet and the lantern of thy paths; and in studying it, lean not to thy own understanding, trust not implicitly to expositors and commentators, but ask wisdom and teaching of God. And be not a Felix, saying to thy serious apprehensions about thy soul, “Go thy way at this time, when I have a convenient season I will call for thee;” lest death and judgment come before that season; be not an Agrippa, an almost Christian; but seek to be altogether such as the primitive Christians were. I say, agree but with me in these reasonable requests, and we shall at length agree in all things; in many in this world; in all, when we hear the Son of God address us in these rejoicing words, ‘Come, ye blessed of my Father, inherit the kingdom prepared for you from the foundation of the world.” May the Lord vouchsafe unto the writer, and to every reader of this book, that wisdom which is from above; that teaching of his Holy Spirit which guides into the ways of peace; that faith which justifies; that peace of God which passeth understanding; and that measure of sanctifying and strengthening grace, which shall enable us to hold on, and hold out unto the end, always abounding in the work of the Lord, as knowing that our labour shall not be in vain in the Lord.