Severe Trials—Encouraged by a Dream
Severe trials — by a dream — Leaves the Eye Infirmary — Adversity — Taken to the county poor-house — Soliloquy in verse — Dreams of angelic visitants — Useful visits — Mr. G. interests himself in her behalf — Visit to Mr. D. — Leaves the poor-house.
Every means which human skill could devise had been made use of, by my physician, for the restoration of my sight; but medicines and surgical operations proved alike unavailing. The time drew near when I must leave this place. This was, indeed, man’s extremity. I was blind, and hopelessly so; I was also poor, and very poor; and when I left this institution I knew not where I should lay my head. My faith was sorely tried. I might fall into the hands of the wicked, who would not be willing to read the Bible to me, or take me to Church. But in this time of trouble I turned to my stronghold for refuge. I poured my sorrows into the ears of my heavenly Father, knowing that he was ever ready to hear my cry.
One evening, when I had been especially pleading my case before the throne, I fell asleep. I dreamed that I rose from my bed and fell upon my knees, beseeching my heavenly Father not to let me fall into the hands of the wicked, saying, “My Father, wilt thou condescend to thy poor dust, and give me a sign of thy protection?” While praying, I thought that such a blessing was poured out upon me, that I exclaimed, “Lord, it is enough; I am confident that thou wilt never leave me.” I was just rising from my kneeling posture, when I discovered two white doves, standing at my right side. I thought that sister S. was in bed, and I spoke to her, saying, “0, sister, the Lord has answered my prayer twice. He gave me the assurance, while praying, that I should never be deserted by Christians, and here is the sign.” At that moment one of the doves flew into my lap, and the other upon my shoulder, and rubbed its little head against my face in a very loving manner. “This bird,” I exclaimed, “is my dear Savior, whose love for me surpasses knowledge; and this dove in my lap is the Church, the Lord’s bride, who will administer to mv necessities.” I awoke much comforted by my dream. All anxiety was taken from my mind, and I felt sweetly to rest on the bosom of the Almighty, and to praise God for his goodness in thus manifesting himself to me.
Since my blindness I have often been comforted in a similar manner. The avenues through which I formerly received the precious promises, thence deriving consolation, in times of trouble, are forever closed. But God, who is indeed “a very present help in time of trouble,” noAV opened other avenues for himself. I am convinced that he never does any thing needlessly, and this is the reason why I never had these manifestations previous to my aflfliction; since which, how often have I derived abundant consolations from dreams and visions of the night! “Bless, bless the Lord, 0, my soul, and forget not all his benefits.”
The time had now come for me to leave the Infirmary. I took an affectionate leave of its inmates. Thoughts both painful and pleasing crowded upon my mind, as I bade farewell to this building, which had been my home for seventeen months. My sister, and her husband, who have since died, had removed to the far west three years previous to this.
Many of the friends whom God had raised up for me found insurmountable obstacles in the way of my going into their families; while others, who had surrounded me in my former days, forsook me in my deepest distress. I was, therefore, taken to the township of Clinton, in the state of New Jersey, and left at the poor-house in the little village of Middleville.
I now found myself associated with the dregs of society; but the thought that my blessed Savior, the Lord of glory, was numbered with transgressors, and had not where to lay his head, led me to feel that I was privileged even, in being like my blessed Master. In this respect I could, indeed, say, that I had a merciful and faithful high priest, who had been tempted in all points as I was, and who was afflicted in all my afflictions, with a sweet assurance that he would, in that great and last day, number me among those who shall come up through great tribulation, having washed their robes and made them white in the blood of the Lamb.
I was led at this time to soliloquize in the following manner:
“This body, and these feeble limbs of mine, Once scarcely felt the ravages of time;
These eyes once beamed with rapture and delight. To see the morning sun’s resplendent light.
Sorrow and sickness, sore disease and pain, Have thrown their deadly poison through each vein; These eyes, now sightless, look in vain for light; All, all is changed to one continual night.
Husband and children, parents, friends are gone. And I am left to grope my way alone; Foxes have holes — birds of the air have nests — No home have I, where my poor head may rest.
But faith looks up, within the vail to see The throne of grace, by Jesus’ death made free; Where all may come, and pour their fervent prayers To Him whose smiles can dry the mourner’s tears.
Yes, Jesus reigns, enthroned in glorious light; His radiant beams dispel the shades of night; He soothes my sorrows, bids the tempest cease. Forgives my sins, and sweetly whispers peace.
No more with worms I’ll grovel here below; My Savior calls, and cheerfully I’ll go; Though storms may howl, and raging billows roll; Though friends all fail, and foes assault my soul.
Sustained by grace, I’ll calmly speed my way Till death’s cold hand shall seize this mortal clay; Then may my soul, with shouts of triumph, rise, And. join the blood-washed throng in yonder skies.”
I now earnestly prayed that the cause of religion might not be injured by its friends, and that this, my deepest humiliation, might be for the honor and glory of God.
This was in 1839, and, as there was every appearance that this would be ray permanent home, I had my name transferred from the records of the Church in Springfield to those of Middleville. I soon became deeply interested in the Church established here, and desired to be useful, but knew not how to do it, as all the means for usefulness seemed to be taken out of my hands. At the same time my mind was much drawn out in prayer, that I might be shown some way in which I might work for God. One night, as I was reflecting upon these things, I fell asleep, and dreamed that I saw two angelic forms enter my window and come to my bedside. There was a sweet smile on their faces, and, as I looked at them, I said, “Have you come for me?” They replied, ‘’No; we have a message from God, to tell you what you are to do.” I was delighted to hear the nature of their visit, and eagerly inquired what was their message. They then named two or three families in the village, saying that I ought to visit them and urge upon them the necessity of being more actively engaged in the service of the Lord. I replied, that I could not go without being led. They answered, “A child can lead you.” “But,” I continued, “perhaps they will not receive me.” Thev then said, “The Lord
148 THE USEFUL DlSCIPLE,
will go with you.” I then replied, “It is enough; I will go.”
When I awoke I felt that I must visit those families. I requested a mother to let her little child lead me; she consented, and I went. I found my poor body very feeble; I could just walk along, and that was all. But the thought that God was with me quite sustained me. I met with a very welcome reception, and found my visit very profitable. A few nights after I had another similar dream. I thought that the angels again presented themselves, when I asked, ‘’What shall I do now?” They answered, “You must pray for this Church; if it is ever saved, it will be in answer to prayer.” I awoke just as the clock was striking two. I arose and kneeled in prayer, greatly burdened for the sanctification of believers and conversion of sinners.
One day, while visiting a sick and dying woman, where it was necessary to have the windows and doors open to admit air, I took a violent cold, which confined me to my bed three weeks, when I again drew near the gates of death. During my convalescence Mr. S. H. Gardner, the overseer of the poor, came to visit us, and thouofh n stranoer to me, was deeply afifected to see me in my affliction, and gave me an invitation to visit his family. As he was leaving the house he was heard to say, “It is rather a hard case that Mrs. Gardner should be obliged to live in this way; she ought to be supported by her friends.”
When I had recovered my strength sufficiently to ride out, I was invited to visit a friend in Clinton. I was very kindly received here, and spent some weeks. Mrs. Gardner, hearing I was in the neighborhood, sent me an invitation to come and make them a long visit. Friends were now raised up on every side, and I soon found that the poor-house was no longer to be my home.