Subject of Surprise and Inquiry

Subject of surprise and inquiry — Errs in not confessing the source of her joy — Mr. W.’s expedients in urging infidelity upon her — His success — Severe illness — Deceptive hopes — Self-sacrificing attentions to a poor woman — Perplexing dilemma — Calls upon God — Several remarkable answers to prayer — Renounces infidelity.

As I returned to the house my father, observing a great change in my countenance, looked at me with great surprise. The next evening Mr. Wade came in, and, seeing me look so cheerful, said, “What, Poll, have you got religion?” I was not a little surprised at the question, as I had not yet determined what state of mind I was in. I therefore said, “No, sir, I have not.” This answer afterward troubled me much, as I thought I might have done wrong in thus replying. Mr. Wade, however, seemed still suspicious that I had some secret cause for joy in my heart, occasioned by religion, which I was unwilling to confess; and he was evidently intent upon its extermination. He now renewed his efforts to eff“ace every good impression from my heart. Together with other infidel publications, he gave me to read, “The Principles of Nature.” In the following spring he brought me Thomas Paine’s Explanation of the New Testament.” The books given me during the winter I had read with disgust; but in this I was attacked on my weakest side. I was a great lover of nature. Cold winter had just passed away; the little birds had returned from their temporary exile, to gladden my heart with the sweet harmony of their blended notes. Here and there the little lambs were seen skipping over the hills; the pensive murmurs of the streams were heard all around me; and the flowers were reviving from their winter’s sleep. All nature, indeed, seemed, in a peculiar manner, to proclaim the wonder-working power of the Deity. The book alluded to spoke particularly of scenes like this, :md its author asserted that, in creation God had revealed all that it was necessary for man to know.

This proved an ample inlet to temptation. The subtile reasonings of the adversary were, that God never gives any thing unnecessarily; and if he had not given the Bible, it must be untrue; and if untrue, there could be no Christ, no heaven, no hell. Truly, Satan desired to have me, that he might sift me as wheat.

I now had to contend with the powers of darkness. Strano’e thoushts would flit across my mind. Innumerable questionings, relative to every-day occurrences, occupied my thoughts. I was constantly making vain inquiries as to the location of hell, heaven, and other non-essential points. I was frequently warned against suffering my mind to dwell upon such subjects; but I generally answered that it was out of my power to avoid it. I longed to find some one who could explain these things to me.

At this time I read ‘’Bacon’s Heathen Philosophy,” and was then led to forsake my Bible, and concluded there was nothing in religion. The adversary now triumphed for a season. Thus, after my departure from the true way, I was led on from one error to another, till it might have been justly said of me, ‘’She is taken captive by Satan at his will.” But rejoice not against me, 0, mine enemy, for when I fall I shall rise again.

During this time of gross darkness, I still felt that there was a God who heard and answered prayer; and whatever I needed of a temporal nature I was accustomed to pray for, with the utmost confidence that I should receive it.

I was now visited with a severe illness. I was perfectly calm, and felt willing to die. But, O, how fallacious my hopes! If God, in his righteous anger, had then taken me away, how bitter would have been my disappointment! Praise be given to his excellent name, for having spared me, that I might recover my strength, and the pardon of my multiplied transgressions, before I should go hence to be here no more. Well may I call upon my soul, and all that is within me, to bless His holy name.

I had now entered upon my eighteenth year. Soon after recovering from my illness, a poor woman, an acquaintance of mine, was taken sick with typhus fever. Her cottage was two miles from our house. She had small children, an unkind husband, and no one to take care of her. I therefore offered my assistance, which was gladly accepted. I was with her during her illness, and took caro of her day and night. During her convalescence, she one day expressed a strong desire to have some biscuit and honey. I immediately made known her request to her husband, but he would do nothing about it. There was no flour in the house, and I could not leave her to get any. In my perplexity I went to her bedside and said:

“Mrs. M., I do not know what we shall do: there seems to be no way for you to get what you want. All we can do is, to ask God for it. Now, / intend to ask him. If there is a God, if the Bible be true, if there is a Savior to redeem, I will prove and know it. Did not the children of Israel, in old times, ask bread of God? and did not he rain down manna from heaven upon them? Now, / shall go and ask God for biscuit and honey.”

Mrs. M., knowing that I was not a Christian, said, “Mary I do not like to hear you speak in that way.” She thought I was tempting God.

But the great Searcher of hearts only knew how sincerely I desired to know the riaht way. I had no sooner made her comfortable than I ran up stairs, fell upon my knees, and besought God to make himself known to me by giving this poor woman what she so much needed. After presenting my petition I returned to Mrs. M., with a full conviction that my prayer would be answered. I had now put the Bible to the test, and was waiting to see the result.

In the afternoon two neighbors called to see Mrs. M. I observed that each had a covered plate in her hand. After a little conversation one of them said that she had been baking during the morning, and thought that perhaps Mrs. M. might relish some biscuit, and she had therefore brought her some. The other then remarked that she had brought her some honey, thinking it might be good for her sore mouth.

I was alarmed as well as astonished — God was so suddenly brought before my mind. I took the plates, one in each hand, walked into Mrs. M.’s room, and exclaimed, “See how God has answered our prayers!” She, too, was surprised, and affected even to tears. This circumstance put all my infidel notions to flight.

A few days after this Mrs. M. thought she could relish a small, delicate-fleshed bird, called the snipe. I requested her husband to shoot one for her, but he was not willing. I therefore went again to the throne of grace, to make my request known to God, and it was again answered. The next morning, while I was combing Mrs. M.’s hair, puss came and laid a snipe at her feet. On picking it up I said, “Here, Mrs. M., is your snipe. Elijah was fed by the ravens: your cat is permitted to bring this to you.” I then prepared it for eating, and she was greatly refreshed by it.

At another time she desired a rabbit. I made a snare, such as I had seen my brothers make, and told the little boy to take it to the woods and set it. I went to the Lord again, and prayed that he would send us a rabbit. The next morning I sent the little boy for the trap, but, to my great disappointment, there was no rabbit. My confidence began to weaver. It was not long, however, before we heard puss making a great noise at the door. The little girl endeavored to open it, but she could not; I therefore opened it myself, and there found puss trying to get up the stone steps with a large rabbit in her mouth. I picked it up with delight, ran in to Mrs. M., and said, “We have been dictating to God. This is the reason 0/ our disappointment. But here, you see, he has sent it in his own way.” I have ever since that time been able to say, “The Lord, he is God,” and have never, for one moment, doubted the truth of the Scriptures. How condescending had my heavenly Father been! Well might Israel now say, “There is no God like unto our God!”