Husband's Advice—Daily Rules—Self-Denial

Husband’s advice — Daily rules — Self-denial — Searchinginquiry — Husband’s sudden illness — His patience and resignation — His death — Poignant, tearless sorrow — Divine support — Feelings on returning to her father’s house to reside — Visits her husband’s grave — Effect of sorrow on her health — Luxury of tears — A night on her husband’s grave — Comforted in God — Child’s illness — Its restoration.

The next day my dear husband came home. When apprised of the joyful news, he said nothing, but took me by the hand, and led me out of the room. He then solicited me to give him the account from my own lips. After I had done so, he said, “Now, Mary, don’t give up, and injure the cause of religion, as thousands have done.” This was a solemn admonition, and I deeply felt its weight. I prayed much to God that he would prevent me from bringing a reproach upon the cause. On the evenmg of the next day the Rev. Mr. Thompson called, with a pious friend, to see me. I related to him the circumstances attending my conversion, the joys I then had, and my fears lest I should lose this precious blessing. Mr. Thompson remarked, that there was no danger of that, as none could pluck the Christian out of the Father’s hand. But I had before learned, from sad experience, that I was very hable to fall into temptation, and that our Savior’s admonition to “watch and pray,” was not a needless one. In order to keep myself in a spiritual frame of mind, I made the following rules:

1. On awaking in the morning, to give thanks to God for my preservation through the night.

2. To pray over every garment that I put on, that with it I might put on holiness.

3. When washing myself, to ask the Savior to cleanse me from all unrighteousness in his own precious blood.

4. In domestic duties, to ask God’s blessing upon all that I did.

The precious Bible now became my chief source of joy. I began to feel the importance of denying myself daily. I soon discovered, upon examination, that my table was likely to become a snare. I knew that I was too fond of “pleasant food;” I therefore resolved to deny myself, continually, of whatever dish I loved best, till I was sure I had gained the victory over this propensity. My joys now greatly increased, and most emphatically could

I say, in the language of that sweet poet, Charles Wesley,

“Not a cloud doth arise to darken my skies, Or hide for a moraent my Lord from my eyes.”’

It now seemed to me that the Savior — as if pointing to my husband and child — was saying, “Lovest thou me more than these?” They were, indeed, exceedingly dear to me; but I was enabled, through grace, to lay even these treasures at his blessed feet, saying, ‘’ Thou who knowest all things, knowest that I love thee.” The sacrifice was accepted, and infinite and eternal Wisdom responded, ‘’I have refined thee; but not with silver; I have chosen thee in the furnace of affliction.”

Early one morning my husband awoke me, saying, “Mary, I am very sick.” I immediately arose, and went to prepare something for him to take. He soon arose and came into the kitchen where I was, and again repeated, “I am a very sick man,” adding, “I shall never recover.” I helped him back to his bed, and then ran to my father’s house, to apprise them of his illness. They were greatly alarmed, and seemed impressed that it would end in death.

My father immediately went for a physician.

and I returned to my poor, sick husband. The doctor soon came, but said little. I said, “Do you not think, doctor, that his strong constitution is in his favor?” ‘’That,” said he, “has not been proved.” This reply went like a dagger to my heart. All hope seemed to be taken away. His fever proved to be of the most malignant kind. During his illness, which lasted less than six days, he manifested great resignation and patience. I did not leave his room, after he was taken sick, till the day previous to his death. He then requested me to take some rest. I consented, and lay down for a few hours in an adjoiningroom. On returning to him at four o’clock in the morning, he inquired whether I had rested myself, and then said, “This is my last night on earth.” At one o’clock the next day there was a change in his countenance, and at four o’clock, P. M., he sweetly breathed his last, committing his wife and dear child into the hands of his heavenly Father, at the same time requesting my earthly parent to take me to his house. During his illness my tears had not ceased to flow; but when he was gone the fountain was dried up, and the burden at my heart seemed almost insupportable. “Then I am a widow,” said I. ‘“A widow!” O, how desolate did it sound! I could not wish my dear husband back from his glorious home; but the thought of my desolate situation brought such keen anguish, that nothing but God’s almighty power could have sustained me.

From my husband’s grave I was taken to my father’s house, which was to be my future residence. As I entered, such a feeling of loneliness came over me as I can never describe. For a long time I was accustomed daily to take my little girl by the hand, and visit her father’s grave. But this proving deleterious to my health, I was obliged to discontinue the practice. Sleep had departed from my eyes, and my appetite had quite failed me.

One night, as the moon was shining very brightly, I rose from my bed and walked toward the grave. When I came in sight of it I burst into a flood of tears. 0, the luxury of weeping! I sat down upon the grave, greatly relieved and comforted in God. My Redeemer was with me, and my peace was as a river. I soon became so deeply absorbed in contemplation, that the rising sun tinged the grave before I had thought of returning home.

At this time my health was very delicate; and my excess of grief brought on a spasmodic affection, which greatly reduced me. When I had measurably recovered from my sickness, my little Jane was seized with an inflammatory fever of a severe character. I had little expectation of her recovery. I took the Bible and read the account of Jarius’ daughter being raised from the dead. It deeply affected me. I besought God, if it was his will, to restore my daughter to health. The Spirit then applied to my heart these words: ‘’Be still, and know that I am God;” “It is I, be not afraid.” I felt at this moment to sink into the will of God, and say, ‘’Not my will, but thine be done!” My child soon grew better, and her health was entirely restored.