Self-Dedication
Ne evening I called on Dr. Tholuck. He asked if I ever had a desire to be a missionary to the Jews.
After prayer and consulting with experienced brethren, that they might probe my heart, 1 concluded to offer myself for the Jewish work, leaving it to the Lord to do with me as seemed good to Him. Dr. Tholuck wrote to the committee in London. After three months he received an answer containing a number of questions. On the answers my being received would depend. After replying. 1 waited three months for an answer, which stated that they would take me six months on probation if I would come to London. I had supposed it would be settled in a few weeks; also, that if accepted, I would be sent out immediately; as I had passed the university. Instead, seven months passed before the decision came, and 1 was expected to come to London, and again become a student. I was greatly disappointed. But, calmly considering the matter, it appeared right that the committee should know me personally, and I determined to go to London.
There was one obstacle. Every male Prussian is under the necessity of being, for three years, a soldier, pro- ‘vided his state of body allows it; but those who have passed the university need be only one year in the army, but equip and maintain themselves that year. I could not obtain a passport out of the country until I had
19 served my time, or been exempted by the king. Certain brethren of influence wrote to the king; but he replied that the matter must be referred to the ministry and to the law, and no exception was made in my favor.
In January, 1829, it seemed I must immediately become a soldier. There was but one way untried.
A believing major, on good terms with one of the generals, proposed that 1 offer myself for the army, and be examined, in the hope that, as I was*still weak, I should be unfit for military service. Then it would belong to the general to settle the matter, who, being a godly man, would, on the major’s recommendation, hasten the decision on account of my desire to be a missionary.;
Thus far the Lord allowed things to go, to show me all my friends could not procure me a passport till His time was come. Now it was come. The King of kings had intended I should go to England. He would bless me and make me a blessing. I was examined, declared unfit for military service, and exempted, for life, from all military engagements.
Feb. 15. — Arrived at my father’s house, where I had lived as a boy, my father having returned to it after his retirement from office. There were but three persons in the town with whom I had fellowship. One earned his bread thrashing grain. Asa boy I laughed at him. Now T sought him, and attended a meeting at his house on the Lord’s day. My soul was refreshed, and his also. Such a spiritual feast as meeting with a brother was a rare thing to him.”
Feb. 22. — Arrived at Rotterdam. Going to England by way of Rotterdam was not usual; but, consulting a brother who had been to England twice, I was told it: was the cheapest route. Asking this brother would have been quite right, had I, besides this, like Ezra, sought of the Lord the “right way.” (Ez. vii, 21.) But I sought unto men only, and not unto the Lord. When I came to Rotterdam, I found no vessels went from that port ‘to London, on account of ice in the river. I had to wait nearly a month at Rotterdam, and needed much more time and money than if I had gone by the way of Hamburg.
Mar. 19, 1829. — Landed in London. Soon after I heard of Mr. Groves, a dentist, who, for the Lord’s sake, had given up his profession, which brought him 1,500 pounds a year, to go as a missionary to Persia, with his wife and children, trusting the Lord for temporal supplies. This made such an impression, and delighted me so, I marked it in my journal.
I came to England weak in body, and was taken ill May 15th, and soon, apparently, beyond recovery. The weaker I became in body the happier I was in spirit. Never in my whole life had I seen myself so vile. It was as if every sin of which I had been guilty was brought to my remembrance; but, at the same time, I could realize that I was washed clean in the blood of Jesus. The result was peace.
After: a fortnight, my doctor unexpectedly pronounced me better. As I recovered slowly, my friends entreated me to go to the country for a change of air. I went to Teignmouth. Soon the chapel Ebenezer was reopened. I was much impressed by one preacher, different from the rest, and had a desire to know him. Soon I had an opportunity of living ten days with him.
About this time God began to show me His Word alone is our standard of judgment in spiritual things; that it can be explained only by the Holy Spirit; and that He is the teacher of His people. Of the office of the blessed persons, in the Trinity, 1.had no experimental apprehension. 1 had not seen that the Father chose us before the foundation of the world; that in Him our redemption originated; that the Son, to save us, had fulfilled the law, borne the punishment due tó our sins; that the Holy Spirit alone can teach us our state by nature, the need of a Savior, and enable us to believe in Christ, and explain to us the Scriptures. Beginning. to understand this had a great effect on me; for the Lord enabled me to put it to the test of experience, by laying aside almost every other book, and reading and studying the Word of God.
The first evening I shut myself in my room, to give myself to prayer and meditation over the Scriptures, I learned more in a few hours than I had during several months previously. But the particular difference was that I received real strength for my soul. I began to test by the Scriptures the things I had learned and seen, and found only. those principles which stood the test were of value. The knowledge of these things produced a change so great ıt was like a second conversion. After my return to London. I proposed to my brethren in the seminary to meet every morning for prayer and Scripture reading, each giving out what the Lord had shown him. One ‘brother was brought into the same state as myself, and others benefited. Several times, when I went to my room after family prayer in the evening, I found communion so sweet I continued in prayer until twelve, then went into the room of the brother referred to, and finding him in a similar frame, we continued praying until two. I was a few times so full of joy I could scarcely sleep, and at six again called the brethren together for prayer,
After ten days, my health began to decline, I saw it would not be well to spend my little strength in study; but I ought to set about the Lord’s work, I wrote to the society for Jewish work, requesting them to send me Out at once as a fellow-laborer with some experienced brother. I received no answer, After waiting six weeks, I began to labor among the Jews in London, distributing tracts with my address on them, thus inviting them to conversation about the things of God; preached to them; read the Scriptures regularly with fifty Jewish, boys, and became a teacher in the Sunday-school, T had much enjoyment, and the honor of being reproached for the name of Jesus. But the Lord gave me grace never to keep from any work by any danger or the prospect of any suffering.