Domestic Happiness
Psalm cxviii. 15.
The voice of rejoicing is in the tabernacles of the righteous.
Nothing can more usefully engage our attention than Human Nature and Human Life. The proper study of mankind is Man.’ His origin and his end; the structure of his body and the powers of his mind; his situation and his connexions; are all capable of yielding us boundless and edifying instruction.
In observing mankind, the private and familiar views of their character are by far the most curious, interesting, and profitable. The greater part of our history is composed of minute and common incidents: and little and ordinary things serve more to discover a man, and conduce more to render him useful, than splendid and rare occurrences. Abroad, a man appears cautious; at home, he is unreserved. Abroad, he is artificial; at home, he is real. Abroad, he is serviceable; at home, he is necessary. And of this we may be fully assured, that a man is in truth what he is in his own family; whether vicious or virtuous, tyrannical or mild, miserable or happy.
My brethren, we are going to enter one of those houses, of which David speaks — a tabernacle ’ filled with the voice of rejoicing.’
Domestic felicity is our present subject. Let us consider two things: the importance, and the source of this happiness.
I. What may be said in commendation
OF IT.
II. What will be necessary to the
possession of it.
O Thou, who hast said, ‘It is not good for man to be alone,” God of the families of all the earth,’ may thy secret be upon our tabernacles. Under the influence of thy providence and grace, may we derive from our unions all the blessedness they are capable of affording: and, to this end, guide and sanctify our meditations.
I. One of the most agreeable scenes we can ever survey upon earth, is a peaceful and happy family: where friendship comes in to draw more closely the bonds of nature; where the individuals resemble the huma« body, and if one member suffer, all the members suffer with it, and if one member be honoured, all the members rejoice; where every care is divided, every sorrow diminished, every joy redoubled, by discovery, by sympathy, by communion; where mutual confidence prevails, and advice, consolation, and succour are reciprocally given and received. To such a sight God himself calls our attention. Behold how good and pleasant a thing it is for brethren to dwell together in unity I’ Some things are good, but not pleasant; and some things are pleasant, but not good. Here both are combined; and the effect is fi’agrant as the sacred perfume, and reviving as the influences of Heaven. ‘It is like the precious ointment upon the head, that ran down upon the beard, even Aaron’s beard; that went down to the skirts of his garments; as the dew of Hermon, and as the dew that descended upon the mountains of Zlon: for there the Lord commanded his blessing, even life forevermore.’ Let us establish the importance of domestic happiness, by taking some particular views of its connexions and influence.
And, First, We may consider it in reference to our AVOCATIONS and cares. These are numerous and diversified, and demand relaxation and relief. Who could endure perpetual drudgery and fatigue? and what so refreshing, so soothing, so satisfying, as the placid joys of home!
See the traveller. Does duty call him for a season to leave his beloved circle? The image of his earthly happiness continues vividly in his remembrance; it quickens him to diligence; it cheers him under difficulties; it makes him hail the hour which sees his purpose accomplished, and his face turned towards home; it communes with him as he journeys; and he hears the promise which causes him to hope, * Thou shalt know also that thy tabernacle shall be in peace; and thou shalt visit thy habitation, and not sin.’ Oh, the joyful re-union of a divided family; the pleasures of renewed interview and conversation, after days of absence!
Behold the man of science. He drops the labour and painfulness of research, closes his volume, smooths his wrinkled brows, leaves his study, and unbending himself, stoops to the capacities, yields to the wishes, and mingles with the diversions of his children. And
‘He will not blush that has a father’s heart,
To take in childish jilay a childish part;
But bends his sturdy back to any toy
That youth takes pleasure in, to please his boy.’
Take the man of trade. What reconciles him to the toil of business? What enables him to endure the fastidiousness and impertinence of customers? What rewards him for so many hours of tedious confinement? By-and-by, the season of intercourse will arrive; he will be embosomed in the caresses of his family; he will behold the desire of his eyes, and the children of his love, for whom he resigns his ease; and in their welfare and smiles he will find his recompense.
Yonder comes the labourer. He has borne the burden and heat of the day: the descending sun has released him from his toil, and he is hastening home to enjoy repose. Half-way down the lane, by the side of which stands his cottage, his children run to meet him: one he carries, and one he leads. The companion of his humble life is ready to furnish him with his plain repast. See, his toil-worn countenance assumes an air of cheerfulness; his hardships are forgotten; fatigue vanishes; he eats, and is satisfied; the evening fair, he walks with uncovered head ai’ound his garden; enters again, and retires to rest: and ’ the rest of a labouring man is sweet, whether he eat little or much.’ Inhabitant of this lonely, lowly dwelling, who can be indifferent to thy comfort! ‘Peace be to this house.’
*Let not ambition mock thy useful toils. Thy HOMELY joys, atiil destiny obscure;
Nor gramleur hear, with a disdainful smile. The short and simple annaU of the poor.’
Secondly, We may consider this happiness in reference to the afflictions of life. It looks like a general remedy, furnished by the kindness of Providence, to alleviate the troubles which, fi”om various quarters, we unavoidabyy feel while passing through this world of vanity and vexation of spirit. How many little sighing vacancies does it fill up! How many cloudy, nervous vapours does it chase from the mind! Whose frowns and gloom will not the mirth of a child dissipate? What corroding anxieties will not retire from the attentions of a virtuous wife! What a consolation is her gentleness! Who has not experienced its healing, enlivening influence, in the day of sickness and in the hour of depression? Is your confidence frequently checked by the baseness and dissimulation of mankind? Here your candor recovers, and you are reconciled to your fellow creatures again. Does the behaviour of too many with whom you have to do, cherish a dissatisfaction which sours life? Here a serenity, a sweetness, spreads over the mind, from the simplicity, openness, and kindness, with which you are surrounded. Are you repulsed by others? Here you are received with open and welcome arms. Does the storm rage without? Behold an asylum within. Here we realize an emblem of the Saviour: it says to us, ‘In the world ye shall have tribulation, but in me ye shall have peace.’ Here ’ the v.icked cease from troubling,’ and here ’ the weary are at rest.’
Thirdly. We may consider this, happiness in reference to the good things of this LIFE. Without this, all will be insipid, all will be useless. Your titles of distinction, and your robes of office, are laid aside before you enter your own dwelling. There the senator, the minister, the lawyer, draw back; and we behold only the husband, the father, the man 1 There you stand only in those relations in which nature has placed you. There you feel only your personal character. What remains after these deductions are made, ascertains your value. You are to judge of your worth by the honour you command where rank does not overawe; of your importance, by the esteem and admiration you engage when deprived of all adventitious appendages; of your happiness, by the resources you possess to give cheerfulness and charms to those returning hours which no splendor gilds, which no fame inspires, and in which all the attractions of popularity fail. For what would it avail you to live in popular opinion, and to be followed with applause home to your very door, if you were then to be compelled to continue in the element of discord, the seat of strife, the house of bondao;e and correction? Imagine yourselves prosperous in your affairs; trade pouring in wealth, your grounds bringing forth plentifully, your cup running over. Misery under your own roof would be sufficient to canker your gold and silver; to corrupt your abundance; to embitter every pleasure; to make you groan, even on a costly sofa, ‘All this availeth me nothing!’
Fourthly. Let us consider it in reference
to THE SEDUCTIONS AND SNARES OF THE
WORLD. From the danger of these, there is no better preservative than the attractions of a family. The more a man feels his welfare lodged in his own house, the more will he prize and love it. The more he is attached to his wife and children, the less will he risk their peace and comfort by hazardous speculations, and mad enterprises in trade. A life of innocency, regularity, and repose, in the affections of his family, will check the rovings of restless ambition, and secure him from the folhes of the pride of life. ‘Evil communications corrupt good manners.’ But these pleasing cords will draw him back from ’ the counsel of the ungodly,’ the way of sinners,” the seat of the scornful.’ In vain will he be tempted to go abroad for company or for pleasure, when home supplies him with both. ‘And what,’ says he, * are the amusements and dissipations of the world? I have better enjoyments already: enjoyments springing fresh from the growth, the improvement, the culture of our rising charge; from our rural walks; from our social evenings; from our reading and conversation; from our cheerful, lively, mutual devotion. Here are pleasures perpetually renewing, and which never cloy. Here are entertainments placed easily within our reach, and which require no laborious preparation, no costly arrangement. Here I acknowledge only the dominion of nature; and follow only the bias of inclination. Here I have no weaknesses to hide, no mistakes to dread. Here my gratifications are attended with no disgrace, no remorse. They leave no stain, no sting behind. I fear no reproach from my understanding, no reckoning from my conscience; my prayers are not hindered. My heart is made better; I am softened, prepared for duty, allured to the throne of grace. And can I be induced to exchange all this, O ye votaries of the world, for your anxieties, confusion, agitations, and expense?
* Who will show me any good?’ is the cry. The world passing along hears it, and says, Follow me; emulate this splendor; mix with this throng; pursue these diversions. We comply. We run, and we run in vain: the prize was nigh us when we began; but our folly drew us away from it. Let us return home, and we shall find it. Let us remember that happiness prefers calmness to noise, and the shades to publicity; that it depends more upon things cheap and common, than upon things expensive and singular: that it is not an exotic which we are to import from the ends of the earth, but a plant which grows in our own field, and in our own garden. Every man may be made happy, if you could induce him to make a proper estimate of happiness; if you could keep him from judging after outward appearances; if you could persuade him to stoop, rather than to aspire; to kneel, rather than to fly. To confine us to our respective stations, God has wisely rendered happiness only attainable in them: were it placed, not in the way of duty, but on the other side of the boundary, the very position would lead us astray, and seduce us to transgress. But home is not always heaven, nor is domestic life necessarily productive of domestic happiness. Hence it becomes needful,
II. To open its sources, and examine on
what it DEPENDS.
It does not depend upon rank and affluence. It is confined to no particular condition: the servant may enjoy it, as well as the master; the mechanic, as well as the nobleman. It exhilarates the cottage, as well as the palace. What am I saying? What says common opinion? Does it not invariably associate more enjoyment with the lowly roof, than with the towering mansion? Ask those who have risen from inferior life, whether their satisfaclion has increased with their circumstances:
whether they have never advanced to the brow of the eminence they have ascended, and, looking down, sighed, ‘Ah! happy vale, from how much was I sheltered while I was in thee 1’
We may also observe, that some individuals seem much more qualified to enjoy this happiness than others. Some have little taste for any thing. They are made up of stupidities: they have eyes, but they see not; ears, but hear not. They are the automatons of nature; the machines of Providence; doing the work which the constitution of the world requires of them, devoid of any lively emotions. If they ever feel, it is only from the impression of something tumultuous and violent; if they are ever pleased, it is only with factitious joys. But others are full of life and sensibility. They are susceptible of delicate impressions: they love every thing tranquil; rehsh every thing simple; enjoy every thing natural; and are touched and dissolved by a thousand pleasing circumstances which convey nothing to others.
There are, however, some things which have an indispensable influence in producing and maintaining the welfare of families, which fall more properly under our cultivation. Order, GOOD TEMPER, GOOD SENSE, RELIGIOUS
PRINCIPLES. These will bless thy dwelling, and fill thy ’ tabernacle with the voice of rejoicing.’
First. Without order you can never rule well your own house. ‘God is not the God of confusion.’ He loves order, order pervades all his works. He overlooks nothing. ‘He calleth the stars by their names.” He numbereth the hairs of our head.” He appointeth the moon for seasons; and the sun knoweth his going down.’ There is no discord, no clashing, in all the immense, the amazing whole! He has interposed his authority, and enjoined us ’ to do every thing decently, and in order.’ And this command is founded in a regard to our advantage. It calls upon you to lay down rules, and to walk by them; to assign every thing its proper place, its allowance of time, its degree of importance; to observe regularity in your meals, in your devotions, in your expenses. From order spring frugality, economy, charity. From order result beauty, hannony, concurrence. Without order there can be no government, no happiness. Peace flies from confusion. Disorder entano-les all our affairs; hides from us the end, and keeps from us the clew; we lose self-possession; and become miserable, because perplexed, hurried, oppressed, easily provoked. Secondly. Many things will arise to try your TEMPER: and he is unqualified for social life who has no rule over his own spirit: ’ who cannot bear,’ to use the words of a good writer, ’ the frailties of his fellow creatures with common charity, and the vexations of life with common patience.’ Peter, addressing wives, reminds them that ’ the ornament of a meek and quiet spirit is in the sight of God of great price.’ And Solomon often mentions the opposite blemish in illustrating the female character. ‘It is better to dwell in a corner of the house-top, than with a brawling woman in a wide house.” The contentions of a wife are a continual dropping’ — and so on. We should deem it invidious to exemphfy this imperfection in one sex only: we would address you equally; and call upon jou, as you value a peaceful abode, to maintain a control over your tempers. Beware of passion; say little when under irritation; turn aside; take time to reflect and to cool; a word spoken unadvisedly with your lips may produce a wound which weeks cannot heal. ‘I would reprove thee,’ said the philosopher, ’ were I not angry.’ It is a noljle suggestion. Apply it in your reprehension of servants and correction of children. But there is something against which you should be more upon your guard than occasional sallies of passion — I mean habitual pettishness. The former may be compared to a brisk shower which is soon over; the latter, to a sleet, drizzling rain driving all the day long. The mischief which is such a disturber of social enjoyment, is not the anger which is lengthened into malice, or vented in revenge; but that wiich oozes out in constant fretfulness, murmuring, and complaint: it is that which renders a man not formidable, but troublesome; it is that which converts him, not into a tiger, but into a gnat. Good humour is the cordial, the balm of life. The possessor of it spreads satisfaction wherever he comes, and he partakes of the pleasure he gives. Easy in himself, he is seldom offended with those around him. Calm and placid within, every thing without wears the most favourable appearance; while the mind, agitated by peevishness or passion, like a ruffled pool, even reflects every agreeable and lovely image false and distorted. Thirdly. The influence and advantage of GOOD SENSE are incalculable. What streams, what vessels, are the noisy, the shallow, the empty! Who are the unyielding? The ignorant, who mistake obstinacy for firmness. Who are the infallible? They who have not reflection enough to see how liable and how likely we are to err; they who cannot comprehend how much it adds to a man’s wisdom to
discover, and to his humility to acknowledge, a fault. Good sense will preserve us from censoriousness; will lead us to distinguish circumstances; to draw things from the dark situation of prejudice which rendered them frightful, that we may candidly survey them in open day. Good sense will keep us from looking after visionary perfection. The infirmities 1 behold are not peculiar to my connexlons; others, if equally near, would betray the same: universal excellence is unattainable; no one can please in every thing. And who am I, to demand a freedom from imperfections in others, while I am encompassed with infirmities myself?’ Good sense will lead us to study dispositions, peculiarities, accommodations; to weigh consequences; to determine what to observe and what to pass by; when to be immoveable and when to yield. Good sense will produce good manners; will keep us from taking freedoms and handling things roughly; for love is delicate, confidence is tender. Good sense will never agitate claims of superiority; it will teach us to ’ submit ourselves one to another, in the fear of God.’ Good sense will lead persons to regard their own duties, rather than to recommend those of others. Fourthly. We must go beyond all this, and remind you of those religious principles by which you are to be governed. These are to be found in the word of God; and as many as walk according to this rule, mercy and peace shall be upon them. God has engaged that if you will walk in his way, you shall find rest unto your souls. If it be said, There are happy families without religion, I would answer, First, There is a difference between appearances and reality. Secondly, If we believe the scripture, this is impossible: ’ the way of transgressors is hard: there is no peace, saith my God, unto the wicked.’ Thirdly, Religion secures those duties, upon the performance of which the happiness of households depends. Would any man have reason to complain of servants, of children, or of any other relation, if they were all influenced by the spirit, and regulated by the dictates of the gospel? Much of religion lies in the discharge of these relative duties; and to enforce these, religion brings forward motives the most powerful, and always binding; calls in conscience, and God, and heaven, and hell. — Fourthly, Religion attracts the divine blessing, and all we possess or enjoy depends upon its smiles. God can elevate or sink us in the esteem of others: he can send us business or withhold it: he can command or forbid thieves to rob, and flames to devour us: he can render all we have satisfying, or distasteful; and they that honour him he will honour. ‘The house of the wicked shall be overthrown, but the tabernacle of the upright shall flourish. The curse of the Lord is in the house of the wicked; but he blesseth the habitation of the just.’ Finally, Religion prepares us for all events. If we succeed, it keeps our prosperity from destroying us. If we suffer, it preserves us from fainting in the day of adversity. It turns our losses into gains; it exalts our joys into praises; it makes prayers of our sighs; and, in all the uncertainties of time and changes of the world, it sheds on the mind a ’ peace which passeth all understanding.’ It unites us to each other, not only as creatures, but as Christians; not only as strangers and pilgrims upon earth, but as heirs of glory, honour, and immortality. — For you must separate; it is useless to keep back the mortifying truth. It was the condition upon wiich your union was formed. O man I it was a mortal finger upon which you placed the ring, vain emblem of perpetuity. O woman! it was a dying hand that imposed it. After so many mutual and growing attachments, to separate! What is to be done here? O
Religion, Religion, come, and relieve us in a case where every other assistance fails. Come, and teach us not to wrap up our chief happiness in the creature. Come, and bend our wills to the pleasure of the Almighty, and enable us to say, ‘It is the Lord I let him do what seemeth him good: the Lord gave, and the Lord hath taken away; and blessed be the name of the Lord.’ Come, and tell us that they are disposed of infinitely to their advantage; that the separation is temporary; that a time of re-union will come; that we shall see their faces and hear their voices ao:ain. Take two Christians, who have been walking together, like ‘Zechariah and Elisabeth, in all the commandments and ordinances of the Lord, blameless.’ Is the connexion dissolved by death? No. We take the Bible along with us; and inscribe on their tomb, ‘Pleasant in life, and in death not divided.’ Is the one removed before the other? He becomes an attraction to the other; he draws him forward, and is waiting to ’ receive him into everlasting habitations.’ Let us suppose a pious family re-uniting together, after following each other successively down to the grave. How unlike every present meeting! Here our intercourse is chilled with the certainty of separation: there we shall meet, to part no more; we shall be forever with each other, and forever with the Lord. Now affliction often enters our circle, and the distress of one is the concern of all: then we shall ’ rejoice with them that rejoice,’ but not ’ weep with them that weep;’ for ’ all tears shall be wiped from our eyes, and the days of our mourning shall be ended.’ Come then, my dear hearers, and invite the religion of the blessed Jesus, this one thing needful, this universal benefactor of mankind. It has ’ the promise of the life that now is, and of that which is to come.’ It secures our individual and our relative happiness. It brings peace into our bosoms, and joy into our dwellings. Let us resolve to pursue it ourselves; let us enforce it upon our connexions. Let us dedicate our tabernacles to God; offer the morning and evening sacrifice of prayer and of praise: and whatever be the determination of others, let each of us say, for ourselves, ‘As for me and my house, we will serve the Lord.*
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