October 1805 – November 1805

Oct. 1. The heat was exceedingly oppressive, I hardly knew how to support myself. At my lodging in the evening,

1 was about to read to S a chapter in the Bible, when

E and a relation came in. We went to my own room,

and there we had much comfortable and godly conversation, in the view of seeing each other no more. 1 read 2 Tim. ii. and iv. and prayed; but when I was alone, the fatigues and distractions of the day left me little disposed to enter into mv own heart. After dinner to-day at Mr. Gordon’s an American speaking in a very light manner of the sin of drunkenness, 1 thought it right to reprove him: I was surprised to see how, with all his ill humor, he was silenced: soon after, when he happened to make the common remark, of all sincere people being equally good, and was seconded by Mr. G., I combated them, and in the hearing of the whole party, defended the truth of God to a certain degree.

Ocr. 0. Our troops have received sixty rounds of ball cart ridge, and have this day been paraded, in consequence of which they had not time for reading. Poor souls, now that they are to take the field while I am with them, how anxiously should I watch over them! I said to Captian S as we

were walking, without any preamble, What godly men you soldiers ought to be, who may be so suddenly called upon to give up your account! He said with a smile, he did not know he had any reason to be afraid; I tried to convince him of his error; but he seemed wrapt in self-confidence. Passed a good part of the morning in reading Psalms and

Isaiah, and often parts of Scripture, in order to recover from the great distraction occasioned by this visit to Madeira. My mind was in general at peace. Assailed by questions and conjectures about our destination; but I somewhat succeeded in having my thoughts on the better country, where there would be no more war or bloodshed. The weakness of my body was dejecting to me for a time, lest I should never be of any service in India; but peace was restored to my soul, by the sweet consideration, that all was at the disposal of the Lord.

OCT. 4. In the afternoon, had a greater number than usual below: it was more than usually profitable. I addressed them on the subject of their being soon to be called to the field. Sat among the Lascars, who were upon watch: I get to be better understood by them, but cannot yet follow them. I think with delight upon the day, when I shall be able to speak fluently to these poor creatures the precious truths of eternal life.

OCT. 5. Communion with God in prayer; little about the ministry and mission, rather in reference to my own sanctification and expectation, that I might live uninfluenced by out ward things. T succeeded in maintaining for a time a spirit elevated above the visible scene; how happy is it, that God has made that a precept, the fulfillment of which is my highest joy: “Set your affections on things above, not on things on the earth!” My soul, what hast thou to do here? as thou hast bid adieu to thy friends, and to the pleasantest things of this life, so shalt thou ere long quit this mortal scene altogether, without mixing any more with the pleasant things of this world. Col. iii. which I had been reading, afforded me much useful meditation during my walk. I thought in my prayer, that the Lord had given me learning, or the reputation of it at least among men; but how much better did the possession of simplicity appear; I could have It* willingly forgotten all I had ever read or learned, to be a man of the ancient primitive simplicity. Lord, give me the spirit of a true missionary, his lowliness, his patience, his love. OCT. G. (Sunday.) Preached on John iv. 10. The want of attention in those present, and the faults of my manner, which McK. pointed out, produced much dejection; but I endeavored to check the usual train of desponding thoughts, such as that I should never be of any use as a public preacher, that I was only fit to be a bookworm, &c., by considering that it was a sufficient privilege to me, to be permitted to have the gospel at all entrusted to me. In a conversation with Mrs. O. to-day, I was much comforted; she spoke but little, and that was so much to the purpose, that I was highly delighted; I endeavored to consider with her, to what dangers she would be most exposed. I supposed that the cares of this world, and the deceitfulness of riches, would be most likely to choke the word; but she was, like Peter, very certain this would not induce her to go back. In the after noon I was grieved beyond measure, at seeing the Sabbath so profaned; the passengers were reading all manner of books; two, whom I knew, I reproved, and they laid them aside; I went below in hopes of reading Baxter; but there was no one there, as I have found to be the case every Sun day. After remaining some time in conversation with one or two, I retired in great darkness, to bemoan my own deadness, and that of the people, before God, and found my soul wonderfully revived and encouraged. I found it in my heart to pray fervently for dear Christian friends, who, I hoped, were praying for me; and it was a delightful consideration, that on this day, the cause of God and my concerns would generally go hand in hand with my praying friends. After tea McK coming in, I read Milncr and some hymns; my soul all the time being full of joy, and a cheerfulness which put me on my guard.

OCT. 7. In learning the three last chapters of Ephesians, I was much blessed. I was persuaded that the prohibition of foolish talking, and jesting, was little attended to by modern Christians, and especially by myself; a saint who, like the primitive Christians, speaketh the truth in love, i. e. who enjoys a serious and happy frame, as every one ought, is little disposed to trifle; I endeavored to keep this in view through the day, and how often did it recur as a check! In the evening, the devil laid a snare for me I think, which threatened to drown my soul in perdition; the Lord save me, and keep my feet from being taken! oh may I with trem bling awe cry to him for help! “Lead me not into temptation, but deliver me from evil.” I humbly trust the issue will be for the benefit of my soul.

OCT. 8. I determined to give up some time to the composition of sermons, a duty which, I fear, from sloth, I have much neglected. In the afternoon, prayed as usual for the spirit of a minister and missionary, and went below, read Pilgrim’s Progress, and conversed with the men about teaching some of them to read and to sing. They seemed to be very well pleased with the idea of singing. After tea, walked

upon deck with Captain and Mr. S. I talked to them

of the popular parts of astronomy, endeavoring to lead it to a profitable purpose. In my cabin had a blessed time of prayer; my soul succeeded in a measure in its struggles to get away from things of sense. Oh, would to God I could live always with Christ! What is it which bewitches me to be governed by such trifles, so that so much of my mind is given to things about which I care nothing, and so little to God, whose loving kindness is better than life?

OCT. 9. In the afternoon talked to a sick man in his hammock. I observed two or three quietly drawing near, and sitting on the ground to hear. I really think there is a spirit of inquiry among the poor men, Read Baxter at the usual place. There was more serious attention and greater numbers than I have yet seen. In the evening drew near to God in prayer. Oil how I wish I could view outward things with a strange and forgetful eye, and neither think nor say anything but in seriousness and love! I felt more ardor, and zeal, and desire to spend and be spent for God, after this afternoon’s ministrations among the men. When a branch bringeth forth fruit, the Father purgeth it, that it may bring forth more fruit. But I am at best a poor languid creature. Sometimes solemn, but scarcely ever lively. By reading the sermons preached before the Missionary Society, I was much refreshed to-day. The interest so many dear and honored saints are taking in my -work, and especially the accounts of so many Missionaries lately gone to Tranquebar, Surat, and the Cape, whom I had some hopes of seeing, quite gladdened my heart; I was disposed to bless God for the honor he had put on one so unworthy.

OCT. 10. Mr. S. took up much of my time by coming to learn French. By prayer before and after dinner, and watch fulness during it, I went to the men below in a serious frame; read Pilgrim’s Progress; just as 1 was beginning-Baxter, we were interrupted. On deck had some conversation with one of the sergeants, who said with some emotion, that many of the men were the better for my coming among them; and that for himself he had been brought up in this persuasion, and now things that he had almost forgotten were brought to his mind. At night, got below, without being observed, and with some Madeira and water for two of the sick men; but could not read to them, as they are allowed no light. My soul was very serious after this, in reflecting on the hardships of most men. What reason I have to be thankful myself! I had, I thought, no wish, save to be as a light burning out for God; I could rejoice to waste away the body in laboring and preaching all the day long. Let me say now, as in the morning, “Why is his chariot so long in coming? why tarry the wheels of his chariot?” Then eternal seriousness shall pervade my soul, and I shall join his perfect creatures in fulfilling the will of the Most High.

OCT. 11. Many an animating thought was infused into my heart to-day. Read Hindoostanee most of the morning without gaining any increase to my knowledge. My temper was rather tried by it, but I was restored to peace and dependence upon God for assistance in this study by prayer. In the evening, my soul rose delighted to be employed.

Walking a little on deck at night, found Corporal B, on

watch. He was quite revived, and I talked with him a good deal on divine things. But of the glory of heaven, and the nearness of it, which is my present joy to think of, I can get no one to speak. My mind is now generally very cheerful. I believe that many of my former happy times in England were produced, or at least heightened, by the presence of external aids, as of beloved saints, ordinances, (fee. My chief pleasure now is, I hope, more independent. I wish to be always with God, and to look forward to the finishing of my work, and entering into rest.

OCT. 12. After wasting a great deal of time in a careless perusal of Holy Scripture, I felt very unhappy, but by prayer was excited again to peace and seriousness.

OCT. 13. (Sunday.) Service before dinner; endeavored to have my soul fixed on divine things, in seriousness, and deep conviction of the awful responsibility to God. Preached on Rom. vii. 18. Read Baxter’s Call to the men, and found some parts so affecting, that I warmed them even with tears. In the evening, had a long season of communion with God, through his mercy. Prayed chiefly for the increase of my soul in grace, particularly in love and zeal. Oh the difference when God is present, and when not! The time passed happily; I seemed to fear no interruption; it was not with difficulty that I beheld his glory, as in general; but he was nigh me; it was pleasant and easy to pray, and 1 did it for all the ministers and brethren in England, for the heathen world, and India in particular. Bless the Lord, 0 my soul, for all the benefits he hath done unto me. Farewell, wicked world! from henceforth is it my desire to labor for Christ, and then to die.

OCT. 14. Alas, my days so few, my work so great, and my account so woful, what ails me that I sleep? much time passed away this morning in reading and prayer, but want of energy wasteth time. I felt thankful for 1 Cor. xiii., that God had given such a beautiful picture of Christian temper. My attention was taken up with things which did not belong to me; prayer however delivered me from the pain which a succession of merely earthly thoughts always produces.

OCT. 15. Spent much time with Major D. and McK. separately; endeavoring to mediate and produce a reconciliation. Below, we sung hymns, and I read Baxter’s Call. I felt pressed in spirit to speak to them the word of God. My usual deadness seemed to have vanished; I could have poured away my life to persuade them to return. McK. came down while we sang, and was ridiculed and bantered by them all on his coming up. In the evening at prayer, my soul panted after God, and cried fervently for a short time, after a perfect conformity to the holy nature of Jesus Christ. O that I may be kept faithful a few years longer, and I shall be out of danger! “In my Father’s house are many mansions.”

OCT. 16. John xv. convinced me, how little or nothing I know of abiding in Christ. “So shall ye bring forth much fruit.” In prayer after tea, I was led to cry for sincerity and openness of heart before God. I felt that I am apt to be satisfied with a few religious affections, excited by a sense of the shortness of time, &c., but that I really enjoy little of actual and spirtual communion with God in Christ. The thought of death and the resurrection is very sweet to me. My chief concern now seems to be, to wait patiently for it, and to beware of distrusting God’s promises concerning it. The first Christians thought much of this, because they had little prospect of a comfortable stay in this world. So now that I neither enjoy the company I like, nor have the expectation of ever doing so, all my expectations are led on more naturally to the delights of another world.

OCT. 17. A conversation at dinner respecting the Indians, roused more than ever my desire to go amongst them. In the evening was blessed in prayer, by being assisted to lay my heart open before God. The Lord only knows what a poor cold creature I am, and how miserably I mis-spend my time. Oh that I may walk more in the fear of God!

OCT. 18. Had a long and earnest conversation this morning

with Major D, on the subject of our acceptance with

God. He is a candid self-righteous man. 1 left off with begging him to read Rom. iii. with prayer. I had a great boldness also, in telling Captain 0. of his sins. Read Milner; was filled with shame at night in reflecting on my unprofitableness, and on the carelessness of my walk before God. Oil, let the mercy of God spare me yet longer, that I may never dare any more to serve God, but with reverence and godly fear!

OCT. 1 9. Resumed the conversation with Major D on

the same subject; he had been reading Romans iii., but could not understand it. Read Milner and Dow; my heart was departing from God, but prayer revived my soul. Found my spirit breathing after God in the evening at prayer, and hoped 1 should really be able to keep my eyes always on Jesus; that I should be able to labor henceforth with utter unconcern about human opinions, and with simple reference to the will and pleasure of Jesus Christ. I thought at night of various scenes of pleasure, such as living- in a useful sphere, in a beautiful country, united to Lydia; but I could see no pleasure at all in it. How is the chain broken! It seems to me as if no one thing could ever more give me pleasure, but something in connection with the eternal world. Show me something that will bring me to God, or God to me, and I am satisfied. The world without this is all nothing. Oh, my soul, why not live thus in heaven, according to thy duty and privilege?

OCT. 20. (Sunday.) Endeavored to launch away into eternity, so as to feel above and beyond all concern about men, excepting their souls. Preached on Rom. viii. 7. In the evening had my soul fixed in a measure in prayer, and inter cession for missionaries. McK. told me of the same defects of manner, of which I have often heard, induced, as he said, by what they said to him about me. “Marty n is a good scholar, but not much of an orator.” McK. said it was a want of easy flow, arising, as he thought, from a want of confidence in my own abilities. This reminded me of Mr. Cecil’s observations; I was rather dispirited by it, as I hardly know how to remedy it; and if it be not remedied, I am afraid I shall make but a dull preacher to Indians. “But not by power, nor by might, but by my Spirit.”

OCT. 21. If there be anything I do, if there be anything I leave undone, let me be perfect in prayer. So I thought in the morning. In prayer I was fervent at times, but with out a spirit of deep humiliation I am never happy. The captain of the Botany-men came on board to-day; I thought of the opportunity of getting some Testaments aboard, but the fear of man prevented my asking him to take books. How ever, my conscience gave me no trouble when he left the ship. Now only, when I write the events of the day, do I see tho matter in its true light. I am so grieved, that I would give almost anything to get them on board the Pitt. Before ten, ou the poop, I was sitting with the cadets, looking at the lightning; I said a little about having such a God for an enemy; but somehow I feel afraid of speaking frequently to them, for fear of surfeiting them. McK. sat with me at night; a squall coming on, and producing great noise on deck, our conversation turned upon death. I could have wept for the state of the poor unprepared souls in the ship; at night I was led to consider what on my death-bed would be my retrospective views. If I should look back and see a life of eminent strictness, should I lament anything, but that it was not more strict? — and yet my flesh sinks from fasting and long prayer. But oh world, flesh, and Devil, I have declared war against you all! my single inquiry should now be, through grace, what is the Lord’s will? Thus, Christ strengthening me, I shall triumph in faith. My heart is distressed at the thought of my unfitness for public preaching; but through Christ’s grace I shall be taught to be content with such gifts as I possess, and improve them without asking any more.

OCT. 23. Very unhappy through not being able to trust God for assistance in the ministerial work. My soul was somewhat eased by casting my burden on the Lord. In prayer in the evening I felt a blessed resignation to God, and a desire to forget, and be forgotten, by all the world for him. Wished that if I should hereafter become a more public character, I might hear the praises of men without a smile, and their censures without a sigh, and go on with perfect disregard, withdrawn from the world, looking in secret to the judgment of the great day, when the secrets of the heart shall be manifest. Oh that the deepest seriousness were uninterrupted in all my conversation!

OCT. 24. Much dejected the whole day, through mistrust of the promised grace of God to assist me in the ministerial work. I am disposed to fret that I have no time for such necessary study as learning the Hindoostanee; I turned again and again, till my mind was quite tired. I found my little flock collected, and none others present, or not very near. They were four, and I addressed a word of exhortation and encouragement to each, and afterwards in the evening had much comfort in prayer for them. One of them asked me to explain the verse, “for every idle word,” which I did in the strictest sense, according to corresponding passages in Ephesians. Oh may I henceforth be very careful to set them an example of such godly conversation!

OCT. 27. Rose in tolerable tranquillity, feeling a carnal confidence in the preparation I had made. Till service, spent much of that time which had better have been spent in prayer, in considering the subject still more. But with all my anxiety and precaution, I had no greater fluency than before. The subject was Matt. xi. 28, to which the soldiers paid little attention; they seldom indeed do, to anything encouraging. Went among them on the forecastle afterwards, and was shocked as usual with their horrid blasphemies. I have spoken to them about swearing in such a variety of ways, that I am at a loss to know what to say to them. One man looked with the utmost arrogance and disdain, as if wondering I should call him to account: their blind and headlong course of wickedness makes me think often of the words, “Led captive by him at his will.” Belol, a young Lascar from Surat, seemed to watch me with such kindness and attention in his countenance, while I was talking to the men, that I thought of the words, “had I sent thee to them, people of a strange speech, they would have hearkened to thee.” These Mussulmen seem to be quite delighted, if I will but try to speak to them; and they seem eager to help me out. Was kept from prayer be fore dinner by McK. continuing in my cabin. Want of more prayer left me extremely light.

OCT. 28. Rose with somewhat of the same impression on my mind, as that in which I had retired last night, of the necessity of stirring myself up to activity in Christ’s service, instead of being- carried on in the dull routine of studies. At the beginning of my voyage, when my soul was sinking in the deep waters of troubles, my only relief was to fly to the bosom of God; but now that everything is more comfortable without and within, I ungratefully think of the time for prayer without pleasure. 0 Lord! who hast borne with thy miserable creature so long, “create in me a clean heart, and renew a right spirit within me.” The chief point to which the Spirit of God awakened my attention, was prayer. I am not a man of prayer; I think I have something else to do besides pray. How many hundreds of millions of souls lying in heathen darkness there are — how many millions of heathen souls professing Christ — how few who preach the truth as it is in Jesus — how few among them are willing to go out to visit the deserts of paganism; and even of those few who are “thrust out,”* here is one -who will not take the trouble to pray. Where then shall poor dying souls find an advocate? My soul cried out for a spirit of prayer and supplication in behalf of the church; but I know by continual experience, that I shall not only flag, but forget altogether my present resolutions, if the Lord do not quicken my slumberino- conscience. But adieu! folly and sloth, I will

O

be, through grace, the servant of Christ; and the little I can do for India, I will, which is praying for it. The rest of the evening my soul had more of the fear of God before its eyes. McK. afterwards came in, and by mere worldly conversation I grew cold and languid.

OCT. 29. A day no better than the former; notwithstanding the recollections with which I rose in the morning, concerning what ought to be the manner of my life. The morning was frittered away by reading Flavel, in reference to the subject on which I meant to write. Another thing which * Vid. Matt. ix. 38. Luke x. 2.

always injures my spirit, without great caution, was some astronomical calculations for finding the longitude by a lunar observation. At night, as I was beginning, after some liveliness in prayer, to prosecute my work with vigor, M

came in, and the rest of the evening might be called lost. But oh! what a weak creature I am, to be thus the sport of every trifling distraction, particularly when God and his glories invite and command my diligence! God put his fear into my heart, that I may be more watchful and spiritual!

OCT. 30. This morning about six o’clock we crossed the line. My soul kept near to God for the first part of the morning, but the finishing of the calculations again left me dissatisfied at not having gone forward in my proper work. But in the evening, God restored me to considerable peace, by enabling me to open my heart before him, and to write on my subject. 0 that I could begin everything with God, prosecute it in the presence of God, and then after the conclusion return far from men, to be in secret with my God!

OCT. 31. Was much delighted with a young Lascar called Belol, who spoke so slowly and distinctly for my sake, that I could understand him pretty well. On asking him how he liked one of the midshipmen, who is generally disliked, he said, “when he tells me to go aloft I go, when he tells me to go down, I go — to do that, I do it — he is my officer; he is a white man, and I a black — is not that right, Sir?” I was on the whole much charmed with this graceful, active, and amiable Mussulman. O what would I have given to have seen him a Christian! My heart burned with desire to impart the gospel of God to him!

Nov. 1. An awful and affecting day. About break of day signals of distress were fired, and a ship was observed aground near some breakers. We bore away, but the frigate stood towards her. About this time several pieces of wreck floated by us, a chest of drawers, barrels, boards, &c. I saw a cabin door with the glass window in it pass by us. One of the frigate’s boats then came alongside (i. e.) within hail, in her way to the island, for the ships were afraid to come very near, and told us it was the King George transport that was lost; but that only three officers were lost out of the whole. McK. coming in at night, said that he had just heard from the mate that our own escape was almost miraculous, for if the second mate, who was on watch from twelve to four, had not called up the captain and first mate, we should have been ashore, for we were very near, and the reef lay exactly across our track. The interest excited by the whole tftmsaction through the ship was remarkable, and my anxiety about the sufferers engrossed most of my thoughts. Circumstances added solemnity to my prayers to-day, but the power of God, and the approach of death, kept me back from God, till my soul found its encouragement in the promises of grace. In Christ I feel safe, for I know that all things are mine, whether life or death.

Nov. 3. (Sunday.) My subject was John iii. 14, 15. I had some time for reading and prayer afterwards, but I found it hard to pray. However, I strove to keep nigh to God by repeating Scripture in my walk. The captain said we must have passed the same island, the fatal Ronas, last night, within a mile of it; and yet, though we had been looking out in every direction, we did not see it. Thus we may be well said to be walking in the “valley of the shadow of death;” but “I fear no evil; thy rod and thy staff will com fort me;” but oh! that my conversation may be in heaven, where, if I die, I hope to be! With what a spirit ought I to preach and they to hear, when every instant the ship may strike on a sand- bank! This afternoon sang, and read Baxter’s Call; it was a very affecting part, and the number of hearers much greater, so that I was willing to believe that good was doing. I was wondering at myself why I did not rejoice more, at thus having the songs of Zion sung, and the Word of God preached to as many as would come. I can ascribe it only to this, that in England, I scarcely ever had joy from God alone; there are so many assistants to joy in the society of those we love, that it is comparatively easy to be happy; and we are ready, (at least I was,) to account it all love of God, shed abroad in the heart by the Holy Ghost; but I now find that true joy in God, independent of all worldly adjuncts, is what I am little acquainted with.

Nov. 4. Had very painful convictions of my deadness and unbelief; sometimes prayer had so little effect on my mind, that I almost despaired of ever being of any use in the world. I should scarcely be acknowledged among the pious Christians as anything but a philosophical dabbler in religion: I am far too proud, instead of hanging as a child on ks mother’s breast; I can pass my time far to pleasingly and continually with my books, and in pleasures of intellect and speculations, instead of living only upon God. The coast of South America came in view this morning; by prayer before and after dinner, I began to enjoy more comfort in my thoughts.

Nov. 5. The reflection that my direct and proper business was to be a man of prayer, encouraged me to pray. On the poop, the number of hearers was three or four times as many, and as the gun-deck above was clear, some of the cadets and midshipmen heard. It is the singing, I believe, that attracts them. There was a solemn attention to Baxter; two of the seamen came, which were the first I had seen. These things would make my heart overflow with gratitude, if I knew how unworthy I was of being listened to; I endeavored to be persuaded that my proper portion every day was extreme suffering; and while these thoughts remained, the flame of thankful love broke out. The ministry in the ship and mission were the subject of my thoughts at this time. At night my soul burned with zeal; but these, I fear, are transient affections.

Nov. 6. A day passed more with God than any for a long time past. The prevailing reflection of my mind was this, that the whole of the proper business of my life was prayer. I might write sermons, or read the language; but intercession for the interests of the church was my direct and proper occupation, as a missionary. This thought in my mind served as a constant check to carnality, and my soul rejoiced in God. To plead with God for a more meek submission to his holy will, and for profound humility and resignation, was easy and delightful, while I felt these tempers in some degree of exercise. Passed much of the morning in Hindoostanee. Was very much tired about the middle of the day; but the trial was of short continuance, for I was enabled to embrace by faith the precious promises, and found instant deliverance from guilt and the power of corruption. The cloud passed away, and the sunshine returned. With the officers on deck I had much conversation about drunkenness. We were so near the shore of America, that I could see with a glass the forests that covered the whole land, and distinguished the trees peculiar to the tropics, with a naked stem and spreading summit. The conversation after tea turning on Hume and other infidels, I felt in a most extraordinary degree exasperated against their memory, and it was some time before I could soothe the tumult by prayer. My soul glories in the power of Jesus. “Why do the heathen rage?” occurred to my memory, as applying to those enemies of Jesus Christ, and of the happiness of human souls; but the reign of Satan and his agents shall be short. “I saw Satan like lightning fall from heaven.” Began to-day to pray over the passages of Isaiah that refer to the spread of the gospel, and found God peculiarly present to my soul.

Nov. 8. Had a little more spirituality in prayer, in the middle of the day, for the church; I trust the Lord will enable me to persevere in this. Prayed m the evening with much earnestness. My soul seemed to rejoice in calling the blessed God my God in Christ forever. I rose free from the world, and appeared to speak freely to him without interruption. From this the great day of judgment was brought to my mind, with a nearness I never before experienced. I thought how ministers would be called to be judged, one by one, by him who was no respecter of persons; and endeavored to think of all the solemn questions that would be put to them. Did you “watch for souls?” Ac. Oh may the judgment of l hat great day be ever present to my mind!

Nov. 10. (Sunday.) My soul in that wavering state, in which it so often is on the Sabbath morning, between anxiety and that spirituality so congenial to the holy day. But it was disquieting myself in vain, as on other accounts we had no service; for soon after breakfast, a strange sail bore in sight, which the captain, from her manoeuvres, took for an enemy; on which all hands were ordered to their quarters, and the ship cleared, as much as it could be, for action. However, soon after twelve, the ship bore away out of sight, but it was too late for divine service. At this I again felt a secret pleasure, which gave a deep wound to my peace. However, after some time spent in prayer, I was brought, through grace, to a somewhat different state. I therefore went and asked the mate when we were to have service; he said, not at all, if the rain continued, which it did all day. The last chapter of Colossians was very applicable to me this day, especially those words, “Continue in prayer, and watch in the same with thanksgiving; withal praying for me, that a door may be opened, that I may speak the mystery of Christ.” Oh here was a door opened, but I had no heart to use the opportunity. “Say to Archippus, take heed to the ministry, that thou fulfil it.” I could substitute another name for Archippus. After tea, had a most vehement and interesting dispute with Captain 0., before a great numbor of others. He endeavored to maintain, that drunkenness and swearing had no harm in them, and went so far as to say, that great part of the scripture was priestcraft, and that God was to blame for giving him such a nature. I pressed Captain 0. with scripture till he was obliged to shift his ground. He had nothing to say, to which the Lord did not give me a ready answer; but held that drunkenness in scripture does not apply to occasional drunkenness, and that the law which forbade drunkenness was not made till man had been some time in the world.

Nov. 12. Cried to God for deliverance from that lively interest about worldly things, — such as the new scenes I visit, — with which my soul is drawn away from God. The coast of America was close to us, beautified with much romantic scenery. On going ashore, saw for a long time nothin“1 but negro slaves, male and female, very cheerful good-looking people. As we stood on the market, a great many eyed me from top to bottom, guessing, I suppose, that I was a padre. While I waited for the boat I sat in a little shop on the quay, kept by a negro. Here a great number of negroes, men and women, came about me, and examined every part of my dress, as if they had been uncivilized savages. They had not been used to such condescension, I believe; for they stood round quite delighted, all endeavoring to assist me in speaking the words, the radical parts of most of which I knew from the Latin. One woman talked to me with great earnestness, and asked repeatedly, “Are the English baptized?” 0 yes, 1 told her, and thought, “I am one of those supposed heretics, who has a precious gospel entrusted to him, which he would preach to you if he could.”

Nov. 17. (Sunday.) “There shall be a handful of corn

in the earth, upon the top of the mountains, the fruit thereof

shall shake like Lebanon, and they of the city shall nourish

like grass of the earth.” Psalm lxxii. 16. This has been once fulfilled. From the gospel truths scattered by a few fishermen, saints have grown up stately as the cedars, and numerous as the blades of grass. We are now but a handful upon the earth; when shall it become a rich harvest of souls! Preached on John xvi. 8, not without fear, but with rather more tenderness than formerly. In the afternoon, had the usual service below, and answered the objections of a Roman Catholic sergeant. In the evening had a happy season of prayer. To have God for my God seemed to be the real possession of heaven on earth.