Of My Marriage, and the Lord's Providences Towards Me During the Time of My Marriage

At that time the Church of Christ had great rest and liberty from persecution through variance amongst the statesmen, and preachers were frequent, yea, the curates were beginning to leave their pulpits. I was as busy as I could amongst others, and in August had gone North, and despatched some business there; the most was to take course with some debts. I returned South, but a violent persecution had broken out, and then there began to be fining, imprisoning, taking, and summoning of persons, disturbing of conventicles with soldiers. But yet the Gospel prevailed more and more, and we were like the “Israelites in Egypt, the more we were afflicted, the more we grew and multiplied.” Some hot-heads were for taking the sword, and redeeming of themselves from the hands of oppressors; at least I had ground to fear it: but I opposed rising in arms all I could, and preached against it, and exhorted them to patience and courageous using of the sword of the Spirit; and I did not see they had any call to the sword, that their “strength was to sit still.” And if they did stir and take the sword, they would therewith perish; but if they patiently suffered and endured, God would Himself either incline to pity, or some other way support and deliver them. I had influence with the people, being popular; and whilst I was at liberty, I did what I could to keep the people peaceable. The truth is, there were great provocations given, so that we conclude it was the design of some rulers to stir us up that we might fall. Ministers still preached and laboured amongst the people, conventicles increased, many were brought in; the Work of God in the midst of persecution did always prosper, until we destroyed ourselves, first by needless divisions and difference in opinion happening by reason of the Indulgence, and thereafter by rash and unwarrantable taking up of arms most unseasonably in the year 1679; when the dissenting party, a good number of them meeting at a conventicle to worship God, being assaulted by armed men, and defending of themselves, did kill about thirty men of their enemies. With this success both engaged and heartened, great numbers gathered together, but not in the Lord’s strength; and there, by their unseasonable divisions, and folly of some, they were made a prey to their enemies, as is fully known. The persecution became so hot in the latter end of the year 1674, and beginning of 1675, an always after that, that sometimes I was in hazard to be taken preaching. It was then I was intercommuned, with some other ministers, gentlemen, and women, yea, some persons of quality; but the Lord suffered not this ball, though it hit me, to do me harm. The Gospel still spread, and the people of all sorts ventured on converse with intercommuned persons. O let “my soul bless the Lord, and not be forgetful of His benefits; let me not conceal His loving-kindnesses, but show them to the sons of men.” Although the Lord afflicted me, and kept the cross still upon my back, as I said; yet did He likewise remember mercy, His mercies were “renewed every morning” to me. And w/, the Lord showed His mercy to me, in giving me a comfortable and suitable yoke-fellow, who did me good and not evil all the days of her life. In her did I behold as in a glass the Lord’s love to me, by her were the sorrows of my pilgrimage many times sweetened, and she made me frequently forget my sorrows and griefs, and was the greatest tentation to me of saying, “It is good for me to be here;” so that I can seal to the truth of that, “An inheritance is from the fathers, but a good prudent wife is from the Lord, and whoso findeth her obtaineth favour of the Lord.” I had not in herself alone a comfortable relation, but I had very much love and respect from all her relations, which were

many, and in whose sight I found favour, that they considered me no longer as a stranger but as their brother, and there was nothing but in what I could command them; and many of them being lawyers, advocates, clerks, and judges, I had their service for nought, and glad were they to do me any good; by them I obtained several things, and warded off several blows. Nor did their love die with her, but continued constant to this day, as ready to pleasure and do for me now as ever; nor know I so much as of any one breach that ever was betwixt us. She was kindly — “the law of kindness was in her mouth;” she was prudent and well-bred, ordered her affairs with great discretion, and by her wisdom and activity did many things that were fair and lovely to look on; was truly religious, and not only would comply with me in any good work and spiritual duty, but many times would assist, stir up, and encourage and remember me of my duty. 2dly, I found much preserving mercy from the Lord. I was in great debts when I married; some considerable sums of money was I bound in, others I was not bound in, but yet were truly owing, but was not able to pay them, being my father’s debt. Had those creditors fallen then upon me whiles I was yet tender, they might have undone me, made my life and my wife’s very uncomfortable to me; but such as I was owing to, the Lord was pleased to restrain, that they did not process for their money until I was able to pay them; nor did others stir at all of my creditors, though I had fears they might arrest money belonging to my wife, her interest at least; yet none ever moved. Some tried to do something by law, but I prevailed against them; and my cause seemed so just to the judges, that they could not harm me; so that they agreed with me on what terms I pleased, which was; to pay them what and when I was able, and how

I was able. Likewise, $dly. The Lord was so gracious to us, as although I had no gainful employment, nor ever received a sixpence for preaching whilst in Scotland, nor a gift from any relation or friend, that yet, by the blessing of the Lord on our management, I discharged a great burden of debt without wronging my estate a sixpence. In that four years and a half’s time, I cleared seven or eight hundred pounds sterling of debt, which by several obligations I was owing to several persons, and did settle a debt, which betwixt principal and annual rent amounted to eight hundred pounds, for two hundred. My own estate was not above one hundred, my mother and public duties had yearly thirty-five or forty pounds of it, it was not all well paid; I had with my wife sixty-five pounds annuity, besides one hundred pounds of stock; but it is true we got in above five hundred pounds of a desperate debt we looked not for. thly, I looked on it as a piece of great mercy, that I had by my marriage better and greater occasions of serving the Lord and His people in the service of the Gospel; for living for the most part in the South with my wife, I had frequent calls to preach both in the cities and country, so that few weeks passed that I did not preach twice a Lord’s day, and once every week besides, and sometimes much ofter, and always to great multitudes, to several hundreds in the cities and thousands in the country, being much followed where they knew me: there was not such a door opened in the North. $thly, I increased in grace, knowledge, and gifts, while married, both by exercising my talents faithfully, and having the opportunity of hearing the best gifted men in Scotland, by whom I profited both as a Christian and as a minister, and likewise by providences of mercy and judgment shown me. 6t/i/y, Many experiences had I of the Lord’s goodness in delivering me out of great straits, as in sparing my wife to me when in great straits and at the gates of death, twice in delivering me from the hands of the enemies; though intercommuned, yet thereby received no damage; though sought out to be imprisoned, yet was hid; and when such as intended to apprehend me were come in where I was preaching, three several times was I preserved from them wonderfully; money likewise to supply wants, and credit was cast in to me wonderfully. Especially at two several times, when, if a great sum had not been gotten, I might have been broken, and my friends with me; but the Lord lent it me, in stirring up some of whom I did not expect it at all, without any motion of mine, to offer money freely to me, and more than would do my turn. I had likewise experiences of the Lord’s hearing of my prayer very remarkably. And, finally, the Lord, was pleased to bless me with children; and I bless the Lord, He helped me in some measure to carry Christianly in a married relation, making conscience of private duties, having sometimes very sweet and heart-refreshing fellowship betwixt me and my wife alone, seeing and feeling much of the Lord’s goodness vented to me whiles in that relation, doing nothing, and watching against what might stain my credit or authority either as a minister or a Christian, being preserved from gross pollutions through the mercy of the Lord. And yet I desire to be humbled, to the justifying of God, and abasing of myself, for great shortcomings and failings of which I was both in the time and since convinced; as (1) I was not so useful and profitable to my wife, family, and relations, as I should and might have been; many an opportunity had I which I nowise improved; I cannot tell if any of them hath got good by me; I was not as the dew to them. (2) I was not spiritual but very carnal in the use and enjoyment of lawful comforts; had many times a sensual

carnal frame, and designed no spiritual end therein. I did not, “wTherein I was called,” walk so closely with the Lord as I should and might. (3) I was by the pleasures and satisfaction I found in a married condition turned off in my affections and longings after heaven, and now I began to see a greater good on earth than before, and was in my heart saving, “It is good to be here;” my heart was glued to sublunary enjoyments, and much taken off Christ. (4) I did sometimes perform family-duty but slighty, and on haste neglect and omit the same sometimes, and omitted reading, and speaking from the Word, and catechising; yea, and omitted many occasions of spiritual fellowship with my wife, although the time spent that way, and our fellowship that way, was the sweetest part of our married life.