Love-Feast—Receives the Witness of Sanctification

Love-feast — Receives the witness of sanctification — Accident — Intense suifering — Completeness in Christ — Becomes totally blind — Prospect of immediate dissolution — Angelic music — Effects of a dream.

I NOW felt more than ever before that my progress must be onward, and my motto, ‘’ Holiness to the Lord.” I longed to possess fully the mind that was in Christ. At the first love-feast that I attended, I was led to ask for a clear evidence that my Savior had indeed washed all my sins away. I had learned to exercise present faith in a ‘present Savior. When the water was handed to me I felt to exclaim, “Blessed emblem of God’s truth! may my heart be made as pure as this water appears to my natural vision!” My petition seemed to be answered while I was yet speaking, and the Holy Spirit in a very powerful manner bore witness with my spirit that I was cleansed from all unrio-hteousness.

After the love-feast, the sacrament was administered. While partaking of these emblems of the broken body and shed blood of our Lord Jesus Christ, I was filled with his fullness. This was a Sabbath that I shall never forget — a sweet foretaste of the Sabbaths that shall never end.

One day, as I was returning from my school, and the ground wet and slippery, in attempting to cross a small ditch, my foot slipped and I fell. My satchel, into which I had dropped a pair of sharp-pointed scissors, was hanging upon my arm. The scissors pierced the palm of my hand, puncturing a nerve, which caused the most excruciating pain. With great difficulty I reached the house. Mrs. B., the lady with whom I was boarding, met me at the door. She saw that I looked very pale, and said, “Are you sick?” I replied, that I had fallen and hurt myself. She was greatly alarmed, and when I explained to her the nature of the wound, did every thing in her power to remove the pain. But her efforts proved unavailing, and, in a few hours, my hand and arm, to my shoulder, were swollen in a very frightful manner. The physician was sent for, but did not arrive till midnight. In the mean time my sufferings became so intense that it seemed evident that I must die. At last Mrs. B. said to me, “Sister Gardner, I am afraid your work is done, as nothing seems to relieve you.” I replied, “Yes, I do not think I can live an hour.” She sat down at the foot of the bed, and wept bitterly. I turned my face to the wall, and, by faith, clung to the cross of the Savior of sinners. This I felt was all I could do. That moment I felt, as it were, the washing of his precious blood, from my head to my feet, accompanied by these words: “Thy salvation is in me complete.” My joy was so great that I became insensible to bodily pain, and lay motionless. Mrs. B., who had been watching me, came to my bedside, and, leaning over me, said, ‘’Sister, are you asleep?” This aroused me to my consciousness, and I answered, ‘’No.” She then asked, “Has the pain left you?” I replied, “No; but to live is Christ, and to die is gain.” At this moment the doctor came in. He examined my hand, and opened the wound, causing it to bleed freely, so that I felt much relieved.

In the morning, when I heard them speak of the rising sun, I opened my eyes, when the dreadful reality flashed upon my mind, that I was totally blind! My feelings were such as I can never describe; but I was enabled at once to say, “Thy will be done.” The covenant which I had made upon my husband’s grave, when I asked God to use me in anyway that might be for his glory, came fresh to my mind. But, though my faith had been submitted to this painful test, I felt no disposition to remove the sacrifice from the altar which sanctified the gift. I thought, if it should be the will of God, I could, with perfect resignation, lie blind and helpless upon my bed for ten years. “Let me be just what thou wouldst have me be, and all is well,” was the sincere language of my heart.

For about six weeks I continued very low, and without any expectation of recovery. One day in particular I was unable to speak, and my friends thought I was dying. Rev. Mr. Hanley, and other friends who had come in to witness my departure, sat in silence around the room. I was, however, perfectly conscious, and felt a desire that they should improve the time in singing. I made a motion with my hand. Some one remarked, “She wants water.” The water was brought, but I shook my head. With some difiiculty they ascertained that I wished them to sing. Mr. Hanley replied, weeping, “Sister, we can not sing, but we will pray.” They all kneeled, and he prayed in a most fervent manner.

Spiritual blessings seemed diffused through all the room. When they arose from their knees, their attention was directed to me; observing a change in me, they supposed I was gone. One dear sister raised me up in her arms, and others commenced rubbing my hands and applying restoratives. At the time they kneeled in prayer I had become perfectly unconscious of every thing around me, and my attention seemed to be directed to two angelic forms, who appeared to descend to my bedside to receive my spirit. They were engaged in singing in the most melodious strains that I ever heard. When my friends commenced rubbing me I gasped two or three times, and began to breathe with great difficulty. The pain in my lungs caused by this exertion was extreme; but in a few minutes I was able to breathe quite freely. A feeling of disappointment came over me, when I found that, instead of being carried by angels to my heavenly home, I was still joined to earth. This disturbed me much; and the enemy took great advantage of the trying moment.

My cousin, who had heard that I was dead, came to the house, and on seeing me still living, said to me, “I do not think you will die yet: you may live many years.” “0, cousin!” I replied, “can it be possible?” I then remembered that Hezekiah had fifteen years added to his life, and judged it not impossible that as much might be added to mine. I was grieved to find my will not entirely lost in the wdll of God; I prayed for submission, and soon fell asleep. I then dreamed that my daughter Jane came to my bedside, looking very beautiful, when I said, “My daughter, have you come for me?” “No, mother,” she replied, “Jesus says you must stay a little longer. He will be with you all the way, and then take you home to glory.” “But,” said I, “I want to go now.’’ “No, mother,” she replied, “the blessed Savior sent me to tell you that you must stay a little longer; he will surely be with you all the way, and then take you home to glory.” I awoke; it was indeed a dream; but such was its eflfect that I had no desire either to go or stay. With Job I could freely say, “All the days of my appointed time will I wait, till my change come.”